Chapter 3
SHIRLEY
The subject is a well-proportioned black girl of twenty who once was the private secretary to the mayor of a fairly large city in California. The name of this city cannot be mentioned because of legal complications that would ensue once the story was revealed.
Shirley is presently working as a secretary in San Diego and this interview took place in an apartment she is sharing with a pair of large dogs.
"There is an old saying about the more you see of men the more you admire dogs. After living with my dogs for two months now I've finally found out what loyalty, devotion, and true love is. Oh, I'm not sleeping with the animals or anything kinky like that. Even so, the more I see of men the less weird this idea seems to me.
"Men have always been after me and I'm sick of it. When I was only twelve years old I was seduced by an uncle. He crawled into bed with me when he was staying over one night and I thought he just wanted to get warm. Then he started pawing my body and I knew that he was after something more than warmth.
"I tried to pretend I was asleep in hopes that he would go away but how can a twelve year old girl sleep when a forty year old man is rubbing his dong between her butt halves?
"'Don't do that,' I pleaded softly but Uncle Walter pushed on until I felt something hot and moist spurt from his penis. He was climaxing but I thought he was urinating.
"I went into the bathroom and cleaned the stuff off and wouldn't leave until Uncle Walter returned to his own bed. When he did I locked the door to my bedroom and tried to sleep. I finally dropped off about dawn.
"In the morning my uncle pleaded forgiveness and pressed a dollar into my hand. 'Just forget it, Shirley,' he begged. 'Don't tell anyone. I was just playing around with you last night, right?'
"I was being paid hush money. I spent that dollar on candy and a lot of other sweet stuff. After I had spent the last cent I figured that sex wasn't all that terrible if I could get such rewards for simply letting a man 'play around' with my body.
"That mild bout on incest was certainly the beginning of my sexual career.
"The schools I went to here in California were inter-racial so I grew up accepting whites as equals. It wasn't unusual to see a mixed bag of blacks and whites swimming, riding and even dancing together where I came from.
"I lived on the same economical level as the whites because my father had a good job and I was an only child. The house I called home was just as good as those lived in by my white neighbors so I didn't grow up with a feeling of racial inferiority.
"As a kid I had little, if any, color awareness and I can honestly say that I was never discriminated against because of my race. Sounds like an ideal picture, doesn't it?
"It sounds like I'm the last one to get into trouble because of race but, eventually, my color caught up with me. In high school boys, white and black, wanted to date me because my body shaped up ahead of my time.
"I was still a few years away from my big trouble and I enjoyed life to the hilt. A white boy took my cherry, as a matter-of-fact, but I didn't think that race had anything to do with it at that time.
"He was on the football team and walked around with a perpetual erection. Jerry was a male nymphomaniac who started banging girls when he was only fourteen. When we met we were both sixteen and overly developed for our ages.
"Jerry was over six feet tall and big chested. I was the tallest girl in school and also had a big chest. My tits stuck out a country mile and I encouraged stares and whistles by wearing tight sweaters. When I walked around without a bra, I got a kick out of the reaction I got when my boobs bounced under my clothes. Jerry was one of the first to do something serious about his reaction.
"The white boy had been driving around in his family car without a license because he was still under aged despite his size. He was the kind who needed a car to keep up with his sex life. When he invited a girl for a ride, it meant that he wanted to throw his meat in between her legs.
"More than a few girls had already accepted his offer and it was only a matter of time before he got around to me. As I've already said I had little awareness of color so that, when the white boy offered me a ride, I didn't think that he was after me especially because I was dark.
"I was just another girl anxious to lose her virginity and Jerry seemed as good a stud as any other.
"The boy drove up a dirt road outside of town and stopped the car behind a row of tall bushes. He knew that I had accepted his invitation for one reason only so he wasted no time with love talk.
"Jerry started undressing me rapidly. When he tore a button off my blouse I told him to slow down and let me undress myself. I had no sexual hang-ups and looked forward to my first screwing.
"Jerry took off his own clothes and soon the best developed boy and the best developed girl in the local high school were comparing measurements. We both liked what we saw. Jerry had a thick, sturdy sex organ that any grown man would be proud to own.
"I didn't have much time to admire it because he plowed it inside my body in a matter of seconds. I lay back on the front seat of the car as the large bodied football player screwed his meat in between my legs.
"Although he was well endowed and I was a virgin I didn't feel that pain I thought I was supposed to experience. In school girls always talked about sex and the first sexual experience was our most discussed subject.
"Actually a lot of kids lied about the affairs they were supposed to have had but it was still interesting to listen to. I had lied myself and was believed because I was about the most sought after piece of tail in school.
"Now I was having an experience I didn't have to lie about. Jerry, the white football player, rutted into me like a hog in heat. His body was hard all over but his penis seemed to be a heavy iron bar as he banged away.
"Being a normal, healthy, red blooded American girl, I enjoyed every stroke of the boy's dong and grunted with appreciation as he let his orgasm go. Uncle Walter had squirted his middle aged juice all over my bunghole, but this sixteen year old stud poured a young, virile flood into my slit that made it seem like a droplet.
"'That feels so good!' Jerry sighed like the healthy animal he was.
"I grunted my agreement and my sex life really went into second gear after that. I kept seeing Jerry and our affair was the talk of the school not so much that we were black and white but just that we were a couple of kids screwing around.
"My affair with Jerry lasted until graduation day. When he shipped himself off to the Navy, I cried over him.
"I went to college for a year but dropped out when I had the urge to travel. My parents didn't like it so they cut off the money supply and I was on my own. I wasn't lonely because men were always trying to get me into their beds.
"But I didn't want to spend my nights and days screwing because I had a brain as well as a body. I was also very interested in politics and helped back a handsome white man who was running for mayor. He was a liberal which meant that it helped his image to have a lot of blacks hanging around his office.
"Being a man with an eye for women he was careful to select the prettiest girls for his personal staff. That's how my big trouble started with Donald.
"Donald was forty when I met him which may sound old for me but he was slim and very handsome and I soon forgot about the fact that he could be my father ... if my father were white.
"He was running against an old goat who should've retired long ago and, with the blacks of the city backing him, he managed to sweep into the mayor's office with a landslide victory.
"Because Donald knew that he had the blacks to thank for his victory he put as many as he could on his staff. He drew from the ranks of those who had been with him all along and I was surprised when he wanted me to be his private secretary.
"There were over a dozen girls, white and black, who were more qualified but I soon found out why he had singled me out for this most intimate of jobs.
"All during the run for mayor, Donald had kept his dong under control because he didn't want to create any complications. But, once he reached his goal, he felt he could relax a little. Donald, I felt, was even sexier than he looked.
"The mayor had an attractive wife and four beautiful children but he was the kind of man who could never get enough of a good thing and, to him, sex was the best thing of all. I was working for him for less than a week as his private secretary when he started giving me those little feels around my ass and boobs.
"I didn't mind and smiled at him to show that he could go all the way if he wanted to. How many chances does a black girl get to screw a mayor?
"City Hall closed late one night and Donald offered to drive me home. Once the entire place emptied out except for a couple of security guards the mayor really turned on the steam. He pressed his body against mine and said, 'You must have a lot of boyfriends, Shirley.'
'"I've had my share,' I admitted.
'"One of them will probably steal you away from me and then where will I be?' he added and rubbed his hand over my bare arms. I could feel his engorged dong pressing against my body.
"All I had to do was give him the slightest bit of encouragement and he would be mine. The prospect interested me so I shoved my body against his.
"Donald go the not too subtle hint and he grabbed my behind with both hands and kissed me hard on the mouth. I was actually going to be screwed at City Hall by the handsome and popular mayor!
"He undid my dress and helped me to remove it. Then he took off my bra and panties. 'What a body!' he exclaimed when he gazed at my dusky flesh. 'Shirley, you were made to be made!'
"I agreed with him and the mayor, my boss, hurried out of his own clothes. He was well built and his dick stood straight up ready for love. Donald pressed aginst me once more and grabbed my buttocks again.
"He seemed to have a passion for rear ends. He kissed me on the lips and brought me down to the floor. The rug was thick and soft so it wasn't unpleasant or untidy.
"Donald shoved his rod deep into my cleft and pumped. I thought of all the important figures who had appeared in the office and wondered what they would think if they saw their highly respected mayor screwing his black secretary.
"He rammed and rammed with increasing speed and I started to moan in delight. My nipples turned to hard rocks and they probed up against his skin. Donald ran his hands up and down along my sides as he plowed away trying to get as much of me as he could at the time.
"He knew how to hold back his orgasm so that he pumped away for long, exciting minutes. Then he let loose. His juice flew into my body in a hot stream and we both groaned with ecstasy at once.
"'Shirley,' he whispered with his mouth against my ear, 'I hope you aren't the talkative type.'
'"If you're afraid I'll tell, Mr. Mayor,' I assured him, 'you don't have to be. You know how loyal I've been.'
"He ran the tip of his tongue inside my ear. 'Call me Donald,' he said. 'Of course, you'll still have to call me Mr. Mayor when we're in public.'
"So now I was on a first name basis with the attractive mayor who had a great political future. There was no telling how far he was going to go. He might even have gone to the Senate ... and I was going to go along with him. And my parents thought I'd never amount to much because I dropped out of college.
"You can't say I was Donald's mistress because I still worked for a living as his secretary. The mayor did, however, say I could hire another girl to help me ... a sort of secretary's secretary ... so I picked a homely white girl. Knowing how quick Donald was with his pecker I didn't want him to start spreading his wealth around.
"The white girl was very good and I kept giving her more and more work so that I could have more time with Donald. I was mainly for show, anyhow; something black to show the black voters.
"Before long all I did was have to answer the phone a couple of times a day while my white girl did all the work. I had never been racially aware before but it did feel good to have a white girl work under me for a change.
"I wasn't Donald's only chick but I made it my business to be his favorite. I did this by pulling no stops sexually. There wasn't a thing the mayor wanted that I refused to do.
"One night he said he wanted to Greek my can. 'I've always been mad for behinds,' he said, 'but women usually can't take it up the crapper. My wife won't even let me try.'
"The last time a man had fooled around with my butt was back when I was twelve years old and my uncle had squirted cream all over my bunghole. Men and boys were usually satisfied with my slit but the handsome mayor wasn't easy to satisfy.
"We both took off our clothes in the office once more. City Hall was actually the safest place for us to screw because we both had a good excuse for being there. Donald couldn't come to my place and I couldn't come to his so that left us with the soft, thick rug in the mayor's office.
"When I stretched out on it this time I went belly down. Donald stood above me and pushed his foot in between my butt halves. He had all kinds of little sexual kinks. He then knelt on the rug next to my hips and rubbed his hands fast and hard over my behind.
"'Shirley,' he sighed, 'you have the loveliest ass in the world!'
"The mayor spread my butt halves and he really shocked me when he started to lick my rear opening. For a guy who gave such a wonderful image he sure did have another side, one that he showed very few people.
"Donald licked both of my butts until they were damp. He spread them once more and pushed the head of his pecker against my hole. I sucked in my breath because it hurt. After all, I was still an anal virgin.
"The mayor edged his meat into me slowly and I grabbed the rug for support. He placed his entire body on top of mine once he got half of his sex organ into my anal passage and kept inching forward.
"It felt like a hot poker and yet it was thrilling. I had never been screwed in such a fashion and sex, of all kinds, was my chief interest.
"He pushed the entire length of his penis into my anus and started to withdraw it. When he was halfway out he couldn't hold back his sperm any longer and he let loose. The fluid rained into my passageway and I clutched at the rug in agony and ecstasy.
"The mayor lay on top of my can with his meat well into my body as he poured out his lust. He kept himself in that same position until his penis grew soft. When he slipped out of my flesh he rolled over on his back and looked at me with dewy eyes.
"'Shirley,' he sighed, 'you have enough sex for five women. You're the only one who never cried bloody murder when I Greeked her.'
"I didn't tell him that I had come very close to begging him to stop. For my first anal reaming I had managed to survive the experience pretty well. Now the mayor knew where to go to for all those weird sexual needs of his.
"Donald's desire for Greek love didn't prevent him from doing it in the old fashioned American way. Both of us really gave that rug a workout. Each time I saw some big shot walk across it in the daytime, I couldn't help thinking of what he would say if he caught the mayor there in the saddle with a black girl at night. Donald lived two lives and I occupied both of them.
"And then I missed my period for the first time. A doctor confirmed the fact that I was going to have a baby, and, since Donald had been the only man in my life for the past few months, he had to be the father.
"No man liked to have his girlfriend tell him that he had knocked her up and Donald had special reasons not to be pleased with the announcement. Not only was he white and married to another woman, but he had an important career to think of.
"If the public discovered that their idol had been using City Hall for a love nest, Donald would be ruined.
"I kept hoping that I would have a miscarriage and have the problem end before it became known but I was a healthy lump of a girl and the baby inside me grew rapidly. Finally I had to tell Donald.
"I picked a time when we were alone at City Hall and he was getting ready for another roll on the rug. When I said I was going to have a baby, his movie star face became chalk white. 'Who ... who is the father?' he asked as if hoping I could blame another.
'"You know who the father is, Donald,' I told him quietly.
"His chalk white face trembled with rage. 'Damn it! Don't you take the pill? I thought you knew enough to take care of yourself.'
"I told him that I had been screwing around for years without the pill and thought that I was barren. Now it looked like this was a false notion. Mother Nature had played a trick on me by getting me to believe I wasn't able to have a baby and then springing this little bastard on me.
"Mother Nature just had to be a white woman who belonged to the K.K.K.
"Once Donald got over the shock his mind started working again. 'You'll have an abortion, of course,' he announced. 'I know just the doctor. He's no dirty handed quack but a real doctor who has performed the operation before and knows how to keep quiet. Now, I'll make all the arrangements and...'
'"What are you talking about?' I asked. 'You act as if I have no say in the matter. After all, it's my baby as well as yours and I don't want to murder it.'
"His eyes narrowed, suspicious of my intentions. 'Shirley, don't be difficult,' he said. 'Abortions go on all the time. It isn't murder but good sense. A half-breed child will make life miserable for both of us.'
'"You know I won't tell anyone you're the father,' I assured him. 'Let the baby live. All you have to do is give me a little extra for his support and ... '
'"So that's it!' he screamed. 'You're shaking me down!'
"I had never seen Donald so angry before and it scared me. 'I said a little extra for his support,' I told him. 'Don't get the idea I want to make money off of you. If you don't want to support your own child then forget it. I'll walk out of your life and have the baby alone.'
"Donald's eyes became slits. He was certain that I only wanted the baby so I had something to hold over his head. All those intimate moments we had shared in the office meant nothing now that he was fighting for his political life.
"I could understand his feelings but, what I couldn't forgive Donald for was the cold blooded way he talked about murdering his own unborn child. I know that I've given you the impression that I'm a wild swinger but I do draw the line somewhere and child murder is the place.
"While it is true that abortions are very common it still didn't mean they were not murders. I wasn't going to add my baby to that pile of little corpses.
"When I made my feelings known to Donald, he realized I couldn't be budged. He became so depressed that he forgot about the love feast he had been priming himself for and told me to leave the office.
"As a matter-of-fact, he didn't put his hand on me again after that. The mayor avoided me as much as he could and the life seemed to have gone out of him just as it was growing inside of me. His voters noted the change and wondered if he were sick.
"Donald had always been a great man with crowds but he withdrew from them and snapped at everyone he came into contact with. He had the paranoid belief that I was planning to shake him down with the threat to end his career in politics.
"Suddenly Donald became friendly again and offered to drive me home. I thought he had become convinced that I was a straight girl who would not betray him and hoped that the old fires of our love could be rekindled.
'"Let's not go to your place right away,' he said once he got me in the car. 'Let's drive around for awhile. We have lots to talk about.'
"He could say that again and I waited for him to bring up the subject of our baby. Donald talked about everything but the child and I assumed he was trying to lead to topic A in a round about fashion. Then he said, 'Shirley, have you picked a doctor yet for the baby?'
"When I told him I hadn't he answered that he knew just the man and he drove out to this house in the suburbs. I thought it strange that he would suddenly change his mind about the child and take me to see a doctor in the middle of the night.
"When we went inside the house, Donald introduced me to a nice looking man in his sixties who had all kinds of degrees hanging on the wall. Donald said he wanted the doctor to examine me and he stepped out of the room.
"The man told me he wanted to take a blood sample but, instead of drawing blood when he stabbed a needle into my arm, he shot in some fluid. I went out like a light immediately before I could understand what was happening.
"When I awoke there was a dull pain in the lower half of my body. I found myself on a bed. There was a bunch of flowers next to me with a card that read: 'This is the best way.' There was no signature. Naturally, Donald didn't want to incriminate himself. He had taken me to an abortionist against my will.
"I could have made trouble for him out of spite, but that wouldn't lead anywhere. Donald could always deny everything. It was easier to deny any abortion than a half breed child with his blood type.
"The mayor gave me five thousand dollars but he didn't call it hush money. He told me he always gave it to his favorite employees when they left City Hall. I hadn't said anything about quitting work but I got the idea that I was being fired in an expensive way.
"I haven't seen the mayor since except on television when he makes one of his speeches. He is back into his old style again but only I and the abortionist knows why. I've never told this story to anyone else, but you so far and you've already claimed that you won't mention the name of the city Donald is the mayor if, so he still won't be hurt by it. But I don't want to hurt anyone.
"I used to think I had a touch of nymphomania in my relations with men, but I haven't even kissed another man since that awful abortion. I have dogs for company and that satisfies me.
"I'm working for an industrial firm as a secretary, but, thankfully, to a cranky old man who has given up sex. Maybe I'll give it up myself some day. Sex is trouble."
Diagnostic reaction:
Although Shirley had never been the victim of discrimination she is bothered by the question that, if she had been white, would Donald have insisted on an abortion? Would he have been willing to accept an illegitimate child if it were all white?
For the first time in her life, Shirley is facing the problem of racial discrimination, not so much for herself, but for the baby she wanted to have and which was taken from her.
This experience was such a shock to the girl that she finds she is unable to love again, which is a tragedy to someone with such a great capacity for passion and life.
The irony of the situation is that, if Shirley had been white, she would have been more-likely to accept an abortion without it being thrust upon her.
According to Basil Davidson, in his book, BLACK MOTHER, the reason that there is such a high rate of illegitimacy in the black community is that Negro females have far fewer abortions than white women. While white females have just as high a rate of pre-marital pregnancies, they tend to resolve their problems via abortions instead allowing the children to live.
When Shirley defended her right to have the mayor's illegitimate baby she was reacting as most black girls would being in the same position. And, when Donald insisted that she have an abortion, she considered this an act of murder.
I feel that, eventually, Shirley will love again and will not seek out black men exclusively as other tormented Negro girls have done after a broken love affair with whites.
At the time of the interview she was still emotionally numb from the enforced abortion which caused her more mental wounds than physical ones. When these scars become less ugly she will return to her former passionate style of living once more but, this time, she will be careful not to become impregnated by a man who would with the death of her child.