Chapter 1

ANNA

The subject is a beautiful, shapely black girl of twenty-three who works as an executive secretary for a major insurance firm in New York City. This tape-recorded interview took place in a fashionable three-room apartment which Anna could not afford on her salary. The rent, she hastened to inform me, was being paid by her lover ... the forty-six year old white man she worked for.

"Hubert would kill me if he found out that I was spilling my guts into this tape machine. He liked to think of himself as a great, tough man with a spade chick on the side, but he's really nothing more than an overgrown boy who doesn't know the first thing about being a man. Why, up in Harlem where I come from, kids of ten and eleven know more about life than he does.

"You think because he's a big executive that he has something on the ball? Not Hubert. like so many important white men he got his job the easy way by going to the right schools and knowing the right people. If he had been born black, Hubert would be a washroom attendant right now.

"Of course, I don't let him know how I feel. If I told my white man what I really thought of him I'd lose this wonderful apartment. Any time I get the blues and want to walk out on him I just stare out that window. On a clear day I can see Harlem.

"I remember how things were. I was born in a tenement flat because my mother couldn't make it down five flights of stairs to get to the charity ward at the hospital. My father? He had run off four months before, leaving his wife and six children. In Harlem, fatherless homes are the rule rather than the exception.

"As the youngest one in the family I was spoiled up until I was six. After the time I started school, my mother began to crack up mentally and ignored me and the rest of her children. I still remember her sitting like a black piece of wood staring into nothing. After so many problems the poor woman just retreated into a world of her own.

"When my mother was put away into a state mental hospital I became an orphan in a very real sense. My oldest sister married at the age of sixteen and my oldest brother joined the Navy just to eat on a regular basis, so I, along with the youngest kids, were left upon the mercies of society.

"I had one advantage over my brothers and sisters; I was pretty. At a very early age I knew that my looks were exploitable. While my brothers and sisters were packed off to institutions, I managed to bat my big brown eyes at a childless couple next door and got myself adopted.

"Well, I wasn't really adopted. I became a foster child which meant that the couple got paid a certain amount each month for my keep. If they went so far as to adopt me, they wouldn't get this monthly check. I didn't get a new name but, at least, I got a new home.

"The Thompsons were kind enough but they treated me more like a pet than a person. Since I knew that I had to depend on them for everything, I made a point to be cute and sweet. If I ever gave into anger just once, I'd find myself in some orphan home, I thought.

"That's how I learned to hide my emotions. I knew how to hide my real feelings from the white man who is supporting me. I sometimes want to say what I feel before I bust, so I guess that's why I'm talking to you now. It's better that I blow off steam to you, a stranger, than to Hubert, the man who thinks I love him.

"You might get the idea that I'm a high-class hooker because I'm living off a man. Well, maybe I am, but I still work in the office for wages. You might say I'm a mistress rather than a hooker. I sure as hell had lots of chances to sell my body when I was up in Harlem.

"When I turned fourteen one of my girl friends told me that she knew a pimp who was always on the lookout for very young, very pretty girls. Fourteen sounds like the age of a child to you white, but to ghetto blacks, that was just the right age to start selling ass.

"My girl friend starting selling her body and I never saw her again. She came from a broken home and had no one else to turn to but a pimp. I was lucky enough to have a set of parents ... foster parents, I should say. This kept me from walking the streets.

"Boys my age were always after me. They thought I was stuck-up because I never gave any of them a tumble. When I walked home from school they would kid me a lot and say that I probably thought of myself as white. 'You don't want a tan man, baby?' they'd ask. 'You saving yourself up for a blonde boy?'

"'Maybe I am, nigger,' I'd answer right back and they would laugh. It's all right for one black to call another black, nigger, but don't you do it if you still want to keep your head on your shoulders.

"As I grew older, I saw my girl friends drop out of school one by one usually to marry boys that knocked them up. When I turned eighteen I was unique; I was a virgin with a high-school diploma. Where I come from just one of those achievements is plenty.

"I wanted to go on to college but my foster parents couldn't afford it, especially since, at the age of eighteen, I was considered grown and the state didn't have to send checks out for my support. This left me with the choice of staying in Harlem and probably marrying some porter or going downtown to the white world and finding a good job. There just weren't any jobs up in Harlem.

"I bade the Thompsons good-bye when I left as if I were going across the country instead of a short subway ride downtown. You see, the white world was like going into another state for me. When I rode out of Harlem I promised myself I would never go back. I was escaping. I had a high-school diploma, a good mind and a better body that hadn't been touched by human hand ... or cock. I was a virgin but, to whites, I was almost a prostitute simply because of my color.

"Civil Rights groups had opened up some employment fields and I went to a big insurance office that bragged it was an 'equal opportunity' concern which meant that they had to hire niggers whether they liked it or not.

"In high school I had taken commercial courses so I was good at typing. This skill was needed at the time in the insurance company so I was grabbed right away. I took a room at a hotel nearby just to save carfare. It wasn't much of a joint but it was my first home as an adult.

"I had escaped a childhood in Harlem and I was now on my own with a head start most black girls didn't have. Almost every one of my girl friends was being banged around by husband or pimp.

"I was lonely, of course. Which eighteen year old girl living alone wouldn't be? I was making a nice enough income for a new beginner ... especially a black beginner. While my white co-workers complained about their salaries, I thought I was living pretty high. The same amount of money looks a lot bigger to a black than it does to a white. We're not used to being paid living wages.

"In the office I was only one of five black girls amongst over seventy whites. We all got along all right, I guess, but we never really socialized. The white girls had their white boys and the blacks had theirs. The very idea of interracial dating hadn't caught on ... yet.

'Things really started heating up for me when I was switched over to a new division in the insurance office. This floor was loaded with males of all ages but only one race ... white. Equal opportunity hadn't caught on above the porter level at the company.

"When I walked into my new assignment I was greeted by whistles. A girl, any girl, would attract attention on this floor here, but I, being black and beautiful, made them all sit up and take notice. After being with so many females for so long in the steno and typing pool, I was ready for a little attention.

"I sure as hell got attention! The ages of the white men ranged between eighteen and sixty-two but all of them had some flirting remark to make to me each day I came in. Then it went beyond simple flirting.

"A fellow named Gregory, who was some kind of junior executive, cornered me in the supply room once. He locked the door and said, 'I want to change my luck, Anna.'

"When a white man screws a black girl, he thinks that it will improve his life. To Gregory I wasn't a girl but some sort of good luck charm. He didn't think for a minute that I wouldn't give in to him. I was black and blacks were always ready for

"Gregory grabbed me and kissed me hard on the mouth. His hands roamed my body. It was the first time in my life that a white male had ever kissed me and, despite the fact that he was forcing himself on me, I found Gregory stimulating. When he cupped his hands over my buttocks and squeezed, stimulation turned to disgust.

"I pushed him away angrily. 'I'm not your woman,' I snapped. 'Now step aside and let me get out.'

"The white man was shocked. 'Why you lousy black bitch!' he said. 'You should be glad you're working here. Give you niggers an inch and you want a yard.'

"He had the idea that I should be so grateful to have a job in a white insurance company that I should show my gratitude by giving my body to every white man who demanded it. When I tried to push past him, he threw me against the wall. He opened his pants and exposed his penis. I was stiff and pink.

' "Pull up your dress, baby,' he said, 'and don't act so imagine any more.'

"I gasped. He was going to rape me! I let out a scream that brought some men to the door. They tried it but it was locked. When they banged on the door, Gregory looked scared. He zipped his fly up again and tried to smile. 'Can't you take a joke?' he said weakly and opened the lock.

"When the men saw us they immediately got the whole idea. I was about to complain until I heard one of them say to Gregory, 'Get yourself some poon-tang, boy?'

"Poon-tang is another expression white men have for black girls. The man who said it was from the Deep South where teenaged males didn't think they would become men unless they had a black girl first. The attempted rape was no more to this Klansman than a very minor indiscretion. The idea caught on and all the men laughed. Not a single one of them came to my aid. If I had been white, things would've been a whole lot different.

"I went back to my work in a rage, a rage I didn't dare express. After all, how many jobs were there open to a black girl?

"By keeping my mouth shut about what went on in the supply room I saved my job but it didn't do much for my reputation. By the time Gregory got through talking to his friends, I was the one who almost raped him. Needless to say they all believed him. I had a hell of a time shaking off hands every time the men came near me. Every male in the place, single or married, young or old, wanted to get into my dark flesh.

"The hell of my situation was that I didn't care for what few black males I met. The man who ran the elevator was black but he was forty and married. He seemed nice enough but I had to turn him down when he tried to date me. He gave me the same crap I had been hearing since my tits began to show...'What's the matter, too good for a man of your own color? You want a white?'

"'Maybe I do,' I answered in tired disgust.

"I was pushing twenty before I gave up my virginity ... to a white man. It happened at an office party. It was New Year's Eve and everyone at the office wanted to get an early start on the drinking. While I was never much of a drinker, I decided to let loose for once.

"Other girls from the steno pool were invited to the party so that there was an even ratio of males to females. For the black girls, however, the ratio didn't exist. There wasn't a single black male present.

"This didn't mean we dark beauties went unnoticed. Far from it. The white males seemed more interested in us than in their own kind. One chubby fellow in his twenties grabbed me and shouted in a drunken voice, 'I'm gonna start the new year off right. I'm gonna change my luck!'

"He planted a wet kiss on my mouth. His tongue darted inside and licked against mine. I was about to push him away as I had done so many times before with other men but, what the hell, it was a party.

"The chubby guy shoved his body against mine and I felt the hard pole of his sex organ. For two years I had been living alone and not having any love. All my loneliness came to a head and demanded that I give in for once.

"When the fat boy realized I wasn't going to reject him, his voice turned thick. 'Let's go some place where we can be alone,' he said.

"Right in front of everyone he opened the door to the supply room. I ignored the laughter and the obscene comments as he pushed me inside and locked the door. 'The name's Al,' he said by way of introduction as he pawed me. 'I'm from cost accounting.'

"Well, at least I knew his name. It wasn't as if he were a complete stranger.

"I let Al open my dress and undo my bra. When my breasts were bared he took a deep breath. 'You're beautiful...' he muttered, his blue eyes aflame.

"Someone knocked on the door and shouted. 'What's going on in there? You being raped again, Anna?'

"Then I recognized the voice ... it was Gregory. The fact that I was giving in to a man proved his story that I had been the aggressor in attempted rape. It didn't matter. My head spun and my body ached for love. For the first time in my life a man was looking at my naked breasts. Al wasn't much of a man, though. He was flabby and sickly white, but in my alcoholic state, this didn't mean anything.

"Al placed his mouth against one of my nipples and began to suck hard. He pushed me further into the recesses of the supply room until my back was against the wall. His hands clawed at the rest of my clothes. Soon I was naked. I felt his hands grab my bared ass and that pole of sex probed against my vagina.

For a fleeting moment I returned to my habit of rejection. 'No,' I pleaded. 'No more...'

'"Come on, honey,' Al breathed. 'You know you want it. All you girls want it.'

"I didn't know if he meant all you black girls or not but I didn't care. I spread my legs wide to receive his thick, muscular sexual member. He had his pants and shorts down about his ankles and didn't look very romantic as he pushed against me. I gasped when I felt his tube of flesh slip into the opening.

"Outside, near the door, I heard men snicker to one another. They kept trying the door. It was a simple matter for them to locate the key and I knew that that was what they were planning. They all wanted my body. They had wanted my body since the day I walked into the office.

'"Ohhh! Al!' I cried aloud as he rammed all the way inside my flesh. He pumped back and forth and he breathed hard in the stale air of the narrow room. I closed my eyes and tried to make believe I was some place else with another man instead of a dusty little room with a fat, drunken white boy.

"All I wanted was the sensation of that bulky snake of flesh slipping in and out of my sexual opening.

"Al groaned and stopped moving. I felt something warm and moist shoot into my body. He was having an orgasm. We clung together for a moment until his male part began to grow limp again. .Al pulled out of me and looked down. 'You're ... you're cherry!' he said with stunned surprise.

"I looked down at my pubic patch and saw that it was soaked with virginal blood. So, now I was a woman.

"Al then turned his sick, flabby, sweaty face to mine. His dull blue eyes registered his amazement. 'A virgin? I didn't know. I thought you rolled over for every guy in the joint,' he said.

"My bad reputation, obviously, had made him pick me for a luck changing operation. As an 'easy lay' I was the natural target for any male with sperm boiling in his meat.

"The door swung open suddenly. Men poured through; I felt faint. They crowded around me and gazed at my dark nakedness. For some of the younger ones it was the first time they had ever seen a female, black or white, completely naked; for others it was their first glimpse of a nude Negro.

"I felt like a freak on display. I put my hands over my bloody vagina but someone pushed them away. The door opened again. 'Let me be first,' I heard Gregory say. 'The nigger owes me that much for the trouble she tried to make me.'

'I was hardly in the position to defend my virtue. Gregory opened his trousers and there was that pink snake erected as always. I had the idea that this was its natural condition. 'Go away,' I said in my drink slurred voice.

'"Getting imagine again, huh, baby?' Gregory said and thrust his sex organ into my cleft.

"As he pumped I thought only of the pleasure of the act and I tried to make it more than it was. It was too late to scream for help now. As the old saying goes ... when rape is inevitable, you might just as well lay back and enjoy it.

"Well, I wasn't lying down but standing up against the wall completely naked in a tiny room crowded with over a dozen white men. When Gregory had a climax he clutched at my buttocks so hard that I gasped in pain, he whispered meanly into my ear, 'That's for nothing.'

"Once Gregory left me, another took his place. I recognized Frank, the teenaged kid who delivered mail. His movements were clumsy and excited and I realized that this was the first time for him, too. Since I had always liked Frank, I put my arms around him and pressed my lips against his. At least he was one male I could respond to fully.

'"She's getting worked up!' that Klansman said thickly to the other. 'These nigger girls can't be stopped once you get them going.'

"I tried to ignore him and his racist voice but that was impossible since he was waiting on line to be next. I promised myself that I wouldn't take him on. I had to draw the line somewhere.

"Frank shot his juice into my cleft. As soon as he stopped pumping sexually, the Klansman grabbed one of my breasts. 'I ain't had me poon-tang since I came to New York,' he announced.

"'No ... no more!' I cried aloud hoping to attract the attention of some hero outside the room.

"'See!' Gregory told everyone. 'That's what she did the last time I almost got into her!'

"The pale faced bastard was still protecting his innocence. I couldn't reply now with a teenaged white boy still inside my flesh. Once Frank was finished, that mean Southerner rammed his hard body against mine. He was deep in my flesh before I knew it. Obviously he was used to taking black girls.

"The force of his sexual ramming made me feel faint again and I slumped to the floor. This didn't stop the rebel. He told the other men to stand away while he arranged a place for me on the floor which was littered with crushed and empty paper cups that smelled of liquor. These had been dropped by the whites who had had me or who were waiting on line like patrons before the box office of a dirty movie.

"I was so disgusted with myself that I didn't resist when the rebel screwed me. I was too far gone now. My reputation ... what there was of it ... was now completely destroyed. The rest of the men became a blur of thrusting bodies. I had been a virgin when I entered the room with Al, and now I was being gang-banged by a dozen men. Maybe the Klansman was right and black girls did have keener sexual instincts than white females. ...

"I don't know how I got back to my room that night, but when I woke up the next day, I felt very sick with my first hangover. I threw up all over the place and couldn't bring myself to attend a New Year's party a black girl had invited me to. I was sure that I would've met a nice dark stud there but it was too late for that ethnic stuff now as I tried to survive the awful hangover.

"When I did become sober and well again I tried to convince myself that that gang-bang had been all a part of a bad dream. How could I face those same men at the office again? I actually thought of quitting my job but then where would I go? I had to go back to work at the office.

"When I did go to work at the beginning of the year the white leered at me and patted my ass every chance they had. They kept asking me to accompany them to the supply room. I knew what they really wanted.

"I was thinking of quitting when I suddenly got a transfer. I had been jumped several levels in the insurance company to become the executive secretary of one of the big shots! That's how I met Hubert. You see, he had been at the office party, but as an executive, he couldn't afford to be seen making it with a black chick in the supply room. By promoting me to his personal office he had me all to himself.

"The minute I saw Hubert I knew what the score was. Not only did I recognize him from the party, I also recognized that familiar gleam in his eyes. Knowing just how much a man wanted to screw became second nature to me and this chunky, balding executive was straining at the bit to get at my dusky meat.

"The first thing he mentioned was the party and my mass affair with the boys in the supply room so I knew what the game was. When he placed his hands on my shoulders I cringed. He was so damned sure of himself! I was going to tell him where he could shove his job until he told me the salary I would be making.

"Most girls in the insurance company had to work for at least ten years to get my offer and now I had gotten it in two. That was damned good for a nigger.

"For a chunky, middle-aged man, Hubert worked fast. His office was divided into two parts with him getting the plush leather furniture, the thick rug, the grand view of the city while I had a simple desk, a chair and a view of a yellow wall. Still, I was going places.

"The first place I went to was Hubert's inner office. He called me in and told me to lock the door. There was still time to back out, but when I recalled my old office that was filled with rapists, I decided it was easier to handle one horny bastard than a couple of dozen, so I locked the door.

"Hubert grinned at me wickedly and his rosy cheeks flushed to an even brighter hue. 'Well get along together, Anna,' he told me. 'We'll get along just fine.'

"Without another word he kissed me full on the lips. As his hands roamed my body, I wondered if he was this way with all his young secretaries, or was he just making an exception with me because of my color. Somehow white men have the idea that all females, outside their own race, were fair game for their lusts.

"Excitedly the executive began to pull off his clothes. I felt like the hooker I had almost become when I was fourteen. That gang-bang in the supply room had come as the result of drink and high emotions, but this was different. This time I was deliberately and coldly going to have sex relations with someone and for profit.

"Sex that grew out of honest passion could be understood, but I was after a job that paid twice as much as I had been getting. And yet, what were my options? I could quit the insurance company and go to work as a waitress in some coffee joint where I would probably meet other white men with roaming hands and eyes.

"I had to face the fact that I was just another black girl in a white world and I had to make the best of what I had. What I had in spades, if you'll forgive the pun, was my ripe, dark body that men of all colors seemed to crave. With this in mind I stepped out of my shoes.

"Hubert was naked before I was. His body wasn't attractive and his penis hung limp. In a way I was disappointed that I hadn't excited him into an erection. He grabbed his male part and pulled on it. 'I've never had a colored girl,' he said. 'I've always wondered about the experience and now I have you.'

"The executive, like so many other whites, had the notion that my color made me exceptionally sexy. 'Are you married?' I asked as I took off my bra.

'"My wife is more like a sister to me now,' he confessed. 'All she is interested in are our four children. You know how white women are.'

"I didn't know how white women were, but from what I gathered, Hubert had a lousy sex life. He was expecting me, a supposedly nymphomaniacal black, to change that for him. Well, while the executive wanted to change his luck, he was actually going to change mine, because, with my raise, I could afford a better place to live.

"I stripped off my panties and stood in front of him stark naked. His eyes bulged out and he surprised me my kneeling and then licking my pubic area. He slipped his hands over my rear and lapped inside me with his darting tongue. As I looked down at his bobbing, balding head, I felt revulsion rather than passion. I had heard of cunnilingus, of course, but I never thought it would happen to me.

"The respectable, married, middle-aged white executive chewed on my black, ghetto-bred cleft while I thought, if only my family could see me now.

"Hubert chewed, licked and sucked my sexual area with gusto. When he stood up I could see that his male member had engorged so that it stood upright. 'My wife won't let me French,' he told me. 'White women are so stupid about sex.'

"He assumed, naturally, that I was used to such perverted sex acts. I didn't tell him that this was the first time a man had ever mouthed my vagina. I didn't tell him that, up until a couple of weeks ago, I had been as pure as the driven snow ... even though I wasn't as white.

"Hubert led me over to a plush leather sofa and told me to stretch out. When I did, I felt the color of my skin melt with the color of the leather. Hubert stood next to me seeming to be very proud of the fact that he was in a state of erotic arousal.

His next statement proved it. 'You colored girls know how to make a man feel like a man.' he said.

"So far I had only played a passive role in our encounter but he acted as if I had been active from the second I locked the door. He mounted me and I gasped under the pressure of his weight. Once again a male sex organ touched mine. This time I was sober and knew only too well what I was doing.

"When Hubert plowed into my flesh he pressed my dark, naked behind against the soft leather of the sofa. He sawed his lust-hard organ back and forth and my nipples began to erect with desire. I was beginning to respond to him. For someone who was supposed to be highly-sexed this response came late.

"The man moved with swifter strokes and I slipped my hands over his back. I dug my fingers into his flesh when his climax came with a hot rush. He groaned in sheer delight. We lay together in our sexually-linked position saying nothing and listening to our beating hearts.

"While the executive wasn't exactly my type of man, he still was enough of a man to excite me. I don't think I could ever screw a man I had no feeling for at all. That time in the supply room was an exception; I had been too drunk to know what I was doing.

"Once Hubert found out that I made a perfect bed companion for him, he went all out to keep me. He set me up in this nice apartment which is saving me a bundle in rent. The whole office knows that I'm his mistress and he enjoys being pointed out in the executive dining room as a gay dog.

"I don't care what people think any more. Ever since I went to work for the insurance company, people, whites, have been saying that I was over-sexed and all that crap. So, since I've been called the name, I might as well have the game. If whites want to think of me as a 'typical' black girl with hot panties, let them. As long as my executive keeps me in this style I've become accustomed to, they can think anything they like."

'This may not be the best of lives but it is a hell of a lot better than the one I've had up in Harlem."

Diagnostic reaction:

Anna is trying to adjust to her position as a sexual plaything to her employer but her resentment towards him, as well as to all whites, is making that difficult. She blames the white race for turning her into something she didn't want to be ... a partial prostitute. Only by continuing to work at the office is Anna able to maintain belief that she hasn't gone completely bad.

The girl's story is not an unusual one. Authors Otley and Weatherby, in their book, THE NEGRO

IN NEW YORK, claim that it is a common experience for black girls to discover that they are the objects of the wildest sexual myths from white men. When Hubert, the middle-aged executive, performed cunnilingus on Anna, he took it for granted that she, as a Negro, was used to such erotic behavior.

Actually, Anna is rather cold sexually but most whites cannot accept the fact that black girls are sometimes frigid.

Despite her resentment towards the executive, Anna looks upon him as a father-image, something that has always been missing from her life. Even though the girl did have a foster father, her attitude towards him, as well as her foster mother, seems detached.

Secretly Anna believes that the only reason the couple took her in was the monthly checks the state gave them for her support. Her relationship with her parents was cool and polite rather than deeply emotional. Out of a hidden need to turn to an older man for comfort and protection, the girl found it easy to accept the executive's offer to be his bed companion.

Basil Davidson, in his book, BLACK MOTHER, states that most Negro families are headed by women. Black men, often crushed by an inability to make a living wage for their families, desert them, leaving their children in care of their wives. Young Negro girls who have grown up without the love of a father are easy prey to older men who want to exploit them.

Anna just missed being turned into a child prostitute at the age of fourteen because she had a stable if not very affectionate home life.

Anna has found some security with the executive, but emotionally, she is still lost and seeking. She hopes to meet and marry a man of her own race some day but there aren't many single black men who can meet her high standards.

Her impoverished childhood in Harlem made Anna rule out all black males with menial positions. If she does not meet the kind of man she wants, Anna will probably go on servicing the sexual demands of white males. In time she will give up office work entirely and become a full-time mistress. If the girl had been born white she would not have to face this future.