Chapter 7
NORMA
The subject is twenty-four and is presently working for a black militant organization. At one time she worked for a white firm in New Orleans but has since given up any attempts at integration.
Norma wears her hair in a "natural" style and favors African-type clothing which is now so popular amongst militants. This interview took place in an apartment she is sharing with a black lover.
"Yes, I was all for integration at one time.
Now I can see that our races will never live together in peace, so we have to separate to prevent a bloody Civil War. Ossie, the fellow I'm living with, is all for war but I'm not that militant.
"I was born right here in New Orleans and went to school only a few blocks from this apartment house. I wasn't dirt-poor like the blacks you see out in the country, but I was poor enough. I was one of seven kids and my father supported us on what he made as a dock worker.
"New Orleans is a major port so there was always a job for a man with a strong back and a weak mind. My father had the strong back but his mind was sharper than most whites gave him credit for. He was great with figures and could have been an accountant if he had the right schooling and the right breaks.
"That's why he made sure that all us kids finished high school at least. He was such a bug on education that he saw two of his children through college. They made it on scholarships, and right now, I have a brother who teaches and a sister who works in a lab.
"I went to college for about a year trying to work my way through because I had no scholarship money and my parents couldn't afford the tab. I didn't feel any great loss when I left school, though. I was anxious to get out into the world and earn my own living.
"In my younger days I was all for integration because it seemed the only reasonable solution to our race problems. But in my younger days, I didn't know as much about the world as I do now.
"I went to work in the office of a firm that sold educational materials. The place was owned and operated by Whitey so that most of the employees were pale faces. A few blacks were hired and Whitey felt very proud of himself for being so generous.
"Every white firm had to have some 'house niggers' and I became one of them. I noticed that the only black office workers were very pretty, young girls. I didn't know it at the time, but the bosses felt that if they had to hire niggers, they might just as well hire ones they could mess around with.
"Hilda, a pretty black girl who worked with me, was running around with one of the white bosses. Since she seemed to like the guy, I figured it was none of my business even if he was married. At that stage in my life I had the idea that sex was a private matter.
"If people of different races wanted to mix in bed, that was their personal affair. Now I can see that race mixing, especially in bed, is all wrong. Blacks and whites are better off if they stay by their own.
"All but two of the white men I worked with in the office were married. One of them was pushing seventy and cared only about his work, and the other was a bit off his rocker. He claimed that all sex was basically evil and that was why he intended to go through life as a virgin. I felt sorry for him because he was missing out on the best part of life.
"The married white men made up for the lack of sexual interest these two single men showed. They were forever flirting with the females in the office regardless of race. It seemed harmless enough but I knew that a black man could never get away with simple flirtation if the object of his intentions was white.
"But, having grown up in New Orleans, I had accepted this double-standard of behavior long ago.
"If the whites had only restricted themselves to flirtation, I wouldn't have minded, but they all wanted to get into my pants. Gregory, a fellow in his thirties who was my immediate boss, was after me almost from the start.
"He was a handsome stud, I have to say that much. He had a finely chiseled face and wavy, reddish hair. If he hadn't been married, I would've accepted him as a lover, but Gregory had a wife and four children. I didn't like the idea of being 'something on the side' for a married man.
"Hilda, the black girl who was screwing another white boss, told me that I should encourage him because pale faces were very kind and generous to their spade chicks. 'Inter-racial sex is fun, Norma,' she told me. 'Don't knock it if you haven't tried it.'
"I wasn't a virgin and knew my way around men, but I had never had anything to do with a white stud before. One of the reasons was that the opportunity had never presented itself to me before. But, now it had. At the time I was dating a couple of black fellows I wasn't serious about and I figured that variety is the spice of life, so why not accept a date from a white man?
"Gregory was also a native of New Orleans so he knew as well as I that inter-racial couples were frowned upon in most parts of the city. That's why he took me to the Latin Quarter which is a sort of Greenwich Village in New Orleans.
"This was the place white men always took their colored girls when they were ashamed to be seen with them in less tolerant parts of the city. I didn't mind because I knew Gregory's position. And, besides, it was our first date.
"After he wined and dined me, Gregory drove me down a dark, deserted street and parked. Now that he spent money on me, he wanted to get what he thought he had paid for. The white fellow kissed me on the lips and started to paw my breasts. I was no prude, but I never allowed a date to take such liberties too soon. I was pretty enough to play the game of hard-to-get.
"Gregory, however, didn't see it that way. 'Come on, baby, loosen up,' he urged, i know you want it as much as I do.'
'"Do I?' I answered. 'You're taking a lot for granted. It's been a fun evening ... up until now.' '"Hilda let me fuck her on our first date,' he said.
"The short, four-letter word rocked me. He said it so casually as if I were used to hearing such language. I was also rocked by the knowledge that he had had sex with Hilda. That girl was certainly sleeping around all over the place. And, since she had been so easy, Gregory thought I would be too.
"He couldn't think of black girls as individuals; if one screwed for everyone, then so did every other spade chick.
"Gregory seemed determined to get into my pants but he didn't rush matters, lover that he was. He turned on the car radio and nibbled my ear. It was all soft and romantic and I felt myself getting more excited. Gregory was, after all, a very handsome man. And, as Hilda had said, there was something erotic about inter-racial romancing.
"My pale boss got a bit bolder and slipped his hand up to my crotch. He rubbed his hand over my pubic area and then inserted one of his fingers into my sexual opening. He touched all the right places and I couldn't help but moan with pleasure.
"Once Gregory heard this, he knew he had gotten my motor going and started to work off my panties. 'No,' I pleaded weakly, but he pulled my panties down my legs and dropped them on the floor of the car. I had now passed the point-of-no-return as far as resistance went.
"'Such dark, lovely skin,' the man breathed warmly as he pushed my dress up to my waist, revealing my hairy sex organ. He shoved two fingers into my slit this time and probed deeper. I spread my legs in sheer lust and got into a more comfortable position to accept his body.
"Gregory opened his pants, pulled them down to his knees, and then shoved his shorts down, too. His penis was upright like a flagpole and very pink. At its base was a bush of reddish hair. I had never seen a white man quite like this before.
"I curled my hand over the rod of flesh and felt it tremble under my touch. When I started to manipulate it, Gregory said, 'Don't jerk me off, Norma. I have other plans.'
"With that he rolled over toward me and guided his manhood into my body. By this time I was so aroused that I pushed my torso against him so that I encompassed the entire length of his manhood with my flesh. Gregory gasped in delight. He positioned me so that my back was against the front seat and rammed into me again and again.
"I wrapped my legs around his body and my nipples felt as if they were about to burst. I had never felt so erotically aroused in all my life. Hilda was right about there being something extra exciting in inter-racial passion.
"Gregory moaned and then stopped moving. He climaxed. A liquid warmth filled my being and
I pushed my torso up against him to take every drop of love. He spilled all he had into me and we were both very satisfied.
"'I haven't screwed in a car since I was twenty years old,' Gregory said when he sat up and pulled on his shorts. 'A room would've been nicer.'
"Then why didn't you rent one?' I asked.
"'Well ... Norma ... I mean,' he stammered, but I got his meaning. He didn't want to enter a hotel with a black girl on his arm. He could always pass a white girl off as his wife, but my color complicated things. Inter-racial romance had its pleasures but it also had its special pains.
"Gregory was while, married and fifteen years older, but we still became lovers after that banging in the ear. I didn't feel self-conscious about it at the office because every other black girl had her own white man. It was only then did Gregory confess that he and the other whites made a point to hire only pretty black girls for the sole purpose of trying to have intercourse with them.
'"You colored girls have a lot more fire than white ones,' he told me, repeating that old fiction about the supposed sexual superiority of my race. Even though Gregory lived in New Orleans all his life, he simply did not know an entire segment of people who lived there too. He didn't know the blacks, although he liked to think that he was some kind of expert on us.
"My white lover took me to out-of-the-way places where he was unknown and where inter-racial affairs were not uncommon. I hated the looks I got from the black help at some of these places. I was, to them, a traitor to my race.
"White men used to leer at me when I was with Gregory, knowing that our relationship just had to be a sexual one. The idea that whites and blacks could enjoy social intercourse didn't enter their heads.
"Gregory never made love to me in a comfortable room and we usually screwed in his car. He just didn't want to risk going into a hotel or motel. When I told him that I knew of a couple of places in the black district that asked no questions, he replied, 'Honey, I'd have my throat slashed from ear-to-ear in no time.'
'"Not all blacks carry razors,' I answered tightly.
'"Norma, don't get annoyed,' he soothed. 'I'm no bigot. Hell, I'm throwing it in to you all the time, aren't I?'
"Gregory actually thought that, by having sex with me, he was demonstrating his lack of racism. He didn't know that sex was often used as a weapon reather than an instrument of love. The white slave masters of yesterday were always having sex with black girls but this didn't make them abolitionists.
"After a night of wining and dining one warm night Gregory took me to the outskirts of the city and parked the car. Instead of pawing me as usual, he opened the door. 'How about doing it in the field?' he said.
"Sex in the open and under the stars; that sounded interesting. At least it was a change from making it in the front seat of the car all the time.
"We walked over to a barbed wire fence and I knew that we were on the border of private property. When I told Gregory to look for another spot, he assured me that we would be perfectly safe, and lifted the barbed wire for me. I ducked under with some misgivings and held the wires for him.
"Once inside the field we found a nice level spot that was surrounded by trees and we took off our clothes. This was a first for both of us since we had never made love in the open before.
"When I was naked, the night felt chilly against my bare skin. Gregory stepped close to me and I felt his erect penis against my pubic area. 'We are like Adam and Eve,' he said.
'"If Eve were black, that would've solved a lot of problems,' I answered. 'The human race would be all one, tan color.'
"in the dark we're all of one color,' he said and slipped his arms around me. I pressed into his naked body to feel his warmth.
"Gregory had me lie down in the soft, dewy grass and he placed his body on top of mine. His rod dug into my cleft all the way and he moved up and down. I felt wild and free and wrapped my arms and legs around his lean body. There was no moon but the bright stars burned above us in splendor. How natural and wonderful was sex!
"He thrust into my flesh with increasing speed and my passions rose with each stroke. Our open mouths met and our tongues slithered together in moist heat. Gregory rose and fell into me and then he had an orgasm. His sperm leaped from his flesh and filled my hungry opening.
"'Norma ... Norma,' he whispered. 'I love you so!'
"I believed him ... then. But it was one thing to say you love someone and another to prove it. The test came with stunning speed. A beam of light fell upon us and a voice said, 'Well, look what I have here!'
"We broke up fast and I covered my vagina with my hands. When the flashlight went from me to Gregory I could see a man holding it. In his other hand was a shotgun. The guard!
'"This here is private property,' he said. 'I'll have to turn you two over to the police.'
'"Now ... wait a minute,' Gregory said desperately. 'Can't we settle this right here?'
"I knew that Gregory was offering the man a bribe. As an executive in a respectable firm he couldn't afford the scandal of being caught screwing a black employee in a field. I didn't relish the idea of a court appearance and hoped that the guard would accept Gregory's offer.
"'Well, now,' the guard said, lowering his flashlight so that the beam was pointed right at my body from the waist down. 'Maybe we all can make some kind of arrangement. That sure is a mighty fine looking nigger gal you got there, mister.'
"He wanted a bribe, all right. He wanted me!
"'Wouldn't you rather have twenty dollars?' Gregory said in a timid voice.
'"Now, mister, that's generous of you but I'd rather have your coon. I got enough money; black pussy is what I really want.'
"Then Gregory said something I will never forgive him for. 'Okay,' he said in a casual, off-hand way as if I had no stake in the matter, 'but put that flashlight out before you attract attention.'
"'No, Gregory!' I cried, I'll offer him another twenty. Forty dollars should be enough.'
'"Hush up, girl,' the guard snapped, 'and get your black ass on that ground again.'
"I was utterly stunned. Both white men acted like a couple of slave masters sharing the same nigger bitch. I, being sub-human, had nothing to say about what they did with me. It was as if I were a hog being led to the slaughter pen. Hogs had no rights and neither had I. And all this after Gregory told me he loved me. ...
"I lay down on the grass and spread my legs. I could've argued and rejected the man and Gregory would've probably wound up paying him money, but I didn't want to owe my lover anything. If this was the way he wanted to end our relationship, it was all right with me.
"The guard shut off the flashlight and put his shotgun aside. I thought how easy it would be for Gregory to grab the gun and force the guard off me, but white men simply didn't get into conflict with one another over something so low as a black girl.
"The stranger took off all his clothes and placed his body on top of mine. He was short, flabby, and from what I could see, about fifty years old. He moved back and forth against my torso but his penis wasn't erected fully. The guard kept rubbing his male flesh against my pubic patch until it engorged to its full length and power.
"Then he guided it into my opening with his hand. He pushed all the way into mc and pumped sexually. Self-loathing filled me. I wasn't a human being any longer with human feelings, but simply a thing to be used.
"While the guard ravished me ... and there was no other word for it ... Gregory, my lover, walked away and put on his clothes. For him the 'deal' was over; the slave master had conducted his business with a fellow slave master and a black had been exchanged following a gentlemen's agreement.
"But, for me, the 'deal' was only beginning. Being a man well into his middle years, the guard did not suffer from premature ejaculation. He kept moving his short, stubby, flabby sex organ into my vagina without reaching a climax, even after Gregory was completely dressed.
"The guard pumped and pumped and his breathing became labored. I knew how to excite men to greater passion, but I didn't want to use my erotic skills on this creature who was taking me under threat of exposure.
"Gregory wandered by, looked at us, and walked on. He lit a cigarette as casually as if he were on a stroll in the country, and faced away from the couple on the ground. Well, at least he had the decency not to stare.
'"Here ... I ... I come,' the guard whispered, using a stroke for each word.
"He finally reached a climax and squirted semen into my body. As soon as he was finished, I dragged myself out from under him and stood up. I didn't want him to try for another erotic pleasure while I was in his power. As far as I was concerned, the bribe had been paid.
"I hurried into my clothes and rushed over to the barbed wire fence. I ducked under and sat in the rear seat of the car. I wanted to show Gregory that he had killed what love I had for him.
"Gregory thought I would 'get over' my peeve against him and dropped me off at my place. When
I ignored him at work he claimed I was making too big an issue over nothing. Nothing ... that was the word he used. Nothing ... that was what he actually thought of me. Nothing was my value.
"Gregory showed me that there will always be racism between whites and blacks and that is why I am all for a separate nation for my race inside this country. I quit that white-ruled company to join one ruled by my brothers and sisters who feel as I do.
"You whites may go through all kinds of motions to prove that you love us, but in your hearts you do not and never will. Gregory showed me that. It is the one valuable thing I got out of our love affair."
Diagnostic reaction:
Norma has joined the black militant organization, not because she believes strongly in its ideals, but out of a need to revenge herself on Gregory, the white man who she feels treated her badly. Because she thinks this man insulted her racial heritage, she is going all out to flaunt her African background via hair and clothing styles.
It is her way of showing the white race that she is proud of her blackness.
Nathan Wright, in his study, BLACK POWER AND URBAN UNREST, claims that blacks who are active in militant organizations had, at one time in their lives, suffered personal racial abuse. Feeling impotent against the white majority, they join radical black groups where they experience the satisfaction of being with their own and a part of something whites fear.
The youthful blacks favor para-military uniforms such as those worn by the Black Panthers to make it very clear to the whites that they are no longer helpless and impotent pawns.
Norma has a right to her hate. She knows that if she had been a white girl, Gregory would not have been so quick to use her as a bribe. When the guard expressed desire for her body, the white executive, despite the fact that he loved the girl, reacted as one used to, thinking of blacks as somehow inferior.
The guard was also typical of many white men born and raised in the South. He took it for granted that Gregory, a fellow white, had little regard for the rights of a black girl, and therefore found it easy to demand her body. Norma is certain that this man would not have made this same demand if Gregory had been caught with a white girl.
The longer Norma stays with her black militant organization, the more convinced she will be by their goals and ideals. Before that incident in the field with Gregory and the guard, she had accepted the belief that only in integration and love could the races learn to live and work together.
But one cruel, personal racial insult had changed all that. She will probably become increasingly militant as the years pass. While it is true that love breeds love, it is also true that hate breeds hate.
So love is the answer, of course, but that is not always possible in the case of each person being a different color. Is it that black and white don't organically mix?
Why should a blooming, passionate love affair as in the ease of Gregory and Norma be totally negated by that one incident, and why, indeed, should that incident have taken place anyway?
The answer is the source of the problem. And the source, in this case, is the guard and his anti-Negro Southern background. Although Gregory was perfectly convinced of his own mind being integrated, the guard used his official post and authoritative voice to suppress both Gregory and Norma.
There is no reason why Gregory and Norma couldn't get along perfectly well, even now, if they stopped and looked back at what started the problem. Both consented to the orders of the debased, degenerate and cruel guard who was aberrated beyond belief by his own social background.
Perhaps both will, in time, reconsider their actions on that night and perhaps come together again.
The guard will, of course, continue to live up to his stupid ways until he dies. It is definitely too late for him to see any other point of view other than that from which he is presently looking at the world of blacks and whites.