Chapter 8
DORIS
The subject is a shapely, beautiful black girl of twenty-one who works for a large travel agency in New York. At present she is living alone in a small but cozy apartment which is where this interview took place.
"I'm unique for a black girl. . .I'm a college graduate. I am also one of the few black travel agents in this country. On the face of it I am a success, and as whites like to put it, a credit to my race. But, if I'm such a success and such a credit, why aren't I happy?
"If I had a choice between being a happy loser and an unhappy winner, I'd choose losing any day of the week.
"When I left college only six months ago I decided to come to New York City where I felt my color wouldn't be a handicap. After working so hard for my college degree, I didn't want to waste it beating my head against a wall of prejudice. New York, with its reputation of liberalism, seemed just the right place.
"It was, and still is, my ambition to own a travel agency, so that's why I went looking for work in that field. I knew that there were not many black travel agents, so I boldly came to the point when I went to the largest travel agency in the city and said that it would help the image of the company for black travelers to see a black face in the agency they did business with.
"In a very real way I used my race to get my job. But, when I think of all the places that would have excluded me because of my color, I didn't feel too opportunistic.
"I don't like to sound immodest, but doing a quick study, I picked up the job fast and was soon making a good salary. There are some things about my job I don't like, such as coding the travelers according to ethnic backgrounds. There are places that still have restrictive policies and they want to know the background of the people who are coming so they can segregate or even exclude them.
"If I contact a hotel saying that I want to reserve space for two violets, this means that I want a room for a black couple. When I get my own agency, I'll not have anything to do with coding no matter how much business it will cost me.
"I suppose blacks don't enter the travel agency field because they will have to deal in discrimination against their own kind. Pat, the white fellow who used to be my boss at the agency, took me into his office and quietly told me about coding. 'If you still want the job it's yours,' he said, 'but you'll have to work by our rules.'
"I agreed to go along with the coding and Pat smiled at me. 'I'm no bigot, myself, but....'
"I don't know what he said after the word 'but' since I've heard too many racist sentences beginning with the words: I'm no bigot, myself, but....
"Pat tried to prove that he wasn't a racist by inviting me to lunch the first day I came to work. He took me to a good restaurant and led me to a prominent table, showing that he wasn't ashamed to be seen with me. Inter-racial couples were not uncommon in New York, but we still rated glances and direct stares from the other patrons.
"I appreciated the fact that my boss wanted to demonstrate that I was welcomed in the firm despite my color, but I really wished he didn't go through all that trouble.
"Pat had been married but was divorced. like any single girl this bit of information interested me. There weren't too many attractive single men in New York of any color, so, when Pat asked me out on a dinner date, I accepted.
"He was the perfect gentleman on the first date and I didn't know if I liked it or not. Was he avoiding romantic overtures because of my race? He had to be interested in me or else he wouldn't be so friendly.
"The man grew warmer as our relationship progressed. He made some minor social blunders, like assuming that I, as a black, had a natural interest in jazz. Actually I have a terrible sense of rhythm In time, Pat accepted me as an individual rather than a representative of my race.
"He introduced me to his friends and it surprised me that many were hippies who smoked pot. As an executive in a respected travel agency, I assumed he would have nothing but squares for friends. Pat showed me a side of himself that he didn't show other employees.
"I had experimented with pot in college and knew that I could handle the stuff, so I joined Pat in a pot party. It was an inter-racial affair with blacks, whites and even a couple of American Indians, puffing up a storm. One white girl was married to her black companion and Pat told me later that she had come from a 'good' family and had been disinherited because of the marriage. Her husband was a jazz musician and they traveled from club to club, from city to city, any place he could get work.
'"They have a lousy life,' Pat told me. 'I don't think the marriage will last. She blames him for being disinherited and he blames her for making his life too complicated. Every time they try to rent a room, for example, the desk clerk takes it for granted that they're just a single couple shacking up rather than married people.'
"I took this information as a hint that Pat didn't want to go all the way to the altar with our relationship. It didn't matter. I was adult enough to accept sex without the wedding ring. I was no virgin. When I was seventeen I gave into a black boy, and when I was twenty, I had intercourse with a white fellow. Two nights of sex ... that's all my erotic life was when I met Pat. He soon changed that.
"We were a bit high from pot when Pat took me to my apartment. Instead of drinking coffee and leaving as he used to do, he ran his hands all over my body, exciting me. I leaned back on the couch indicating that he could have my all. Pat began to undress me. 'Doris,' he sighed, 'I'm wild about you.'
"Some men feel that they had to state they loved a girl before they had sex with her. I didn't demand this proclamation. Sex, to me, was the natural ending to a warm, male-female relationship.
"So the white executive made love to me that night. I trembled with joyful lust as he triggered my passions. And there were many nights after that. For someone who looked so square he certainly had a wide range of sexual desires. Compared to Pat those two boys in my past were clumsy and inept. The man moved with virile masterfulness that showed me he thoroughly enjoyed sex, and I enjoyed it with him.
"I thought it was the beginning of a very passionate love affair. My sex life took a sudden turn for the better as we performed all kinds of erotic acts with unbridled lust. Knowing that marriage was out of the question I never brought the subject up which I would have done if I were white or he were black. Inter-racial sex was one thing; interracial marriage quite another.
"But Pat was actually marriage-minded. I found out about this when one sunny day in the office he made a general announcement to everyone that he was leaving the job to be married! No one was surprised but me.
"When he took me to lunch later on he told me that he had been going around also with a wealthy socialite. He had the gall to brag about the fact that the girl's father was going to take him into his firm, and his salary would make his present one look like peanuts.
"My hands shook so I couldn't hold the coffee cup. He casually explained, 'Doris, I don't know what you're in a huff about. Nothing is going to change between us! Look, we'll have a little place in the city and I can come to see you at least once a week,' he told me with a sly wink. 'This broad I'm marrying isn't exactly a sexpot, so...'
"I screamed so loud that everyone in the restaurant turned. 'What do you think I am?' I cried.
"In confusion, he lashed out at me, 'Give you people an inch and you want a mile!'
"I walked out of the restaurant with all eyes on me. I would have quit my job but Pat left the next week. I saw a picture of his pallid, plain wife. I could see why he wanted someone for sexual outlet. I'm sure that, by now, he's taken another girl. She may even be black."
Diagnostic reaction:
Calvin Hernton, in SEX AND RACISM IN AMERICA, claimed that there is a hidden gap between the races that too many white liberals are not even aware of. This gap cannot be bridged by sex alone. Doris found out how much of a stranger Pat really was.
Black and whites much learn to understand each other. One day black girls may work alongside whites without fear of being used and abused.
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Double for Nothing!! Tricks for Free!!!
Be There.....