Chapter 3
The Sex Whip
"I knew that my mother was chippying around and my father, too, but it's still a hell of a shock to walk in and find your mother giving a strange man a blow job.
"I had come home earlier than usual, because the classes had been dismissed so that any who wanted to could go to the track meet across town.
"When I walked in, I wasn't really expecting to find anyone home. My mother is usually gone all day, and sometimes all night, too. So when I walked past her bedroom door and glanced in, there was this big, young stud-at least ten years younger than her-with his cock all stiff and hard, standing up, while she was on her knees in front of him, sucking him off. He had his hands in her hair, and she had his ass cheeks cupped in her hands, and she actually seemed starved for the taste and feel of it, because she was really giving him the works.
"I just walked right on to my room, and I laid down on my bed and thought about the whole thing. I knew that my mother had to be fooling around with other men, but I didn't think she'd be brazen enough to bring them right to her home like this.
"We'd never been what you would call close. She was one of those 'club women' types. She belonged to every social club around, also to the country club where she and dad played golf a lot. She was on the PTA, and several civic clubs, as well as being one of the big wheels in some women's society.
"And there she was, sucking another man's prick. What the hell kind of a lousy world was this, anyhow? I asked myself again and again. But I was fascinated by the sight, even while being disgusted, and so I got up and walked back down the hall and peeked in. This time, they were really going at it. She was on her hands and knees and he was mounting her from the rear, and they looked and sounded like two animals. I couldn't tell if the man had it up her asshole or into her cunt from the back, but whatever, they were both moaning and making sounds like they were really digging it.
"It sort of turned me on", and I masturbated myself a little with my finger, but it wouldn't work. I suppose that was because I felt too much shame at finding her doing this with a strange man.
"I wondered what my father would do if he could just see her, but I was naive, then. I know now what he would have done-called in some woman and had a fuck party. And it wasn't long in coming, anyhow. I didn't know that they belonged to a sex orgy group, and that this young guy was a member of the group. I found out later, though, that they were breaking the rules, because there wasn't supposed to be any dating outside of the nights they held their swap orgies.
"I was tempted to tell my father, but I didn't I suspected that he was having a lot of strange pieces of ass, too. And besides, I doubt if either my mother or father would have really given a damn-even if they would have taken time to listen to me.
"I had fooled around a lot in guys' cars, and at parties-you know, feeling and kissing and rubbing it in when a guy kissed me, but that was all. I had never gone all the way. Oh, once I had let a guy kiss me between the legs, but I was so scared of being caught that I couldn't come, although it excited me a lot. I had taken a guy's cock in my hand and jerked it a little, too, but that was about as daring as I had ever been sexually.
"But I was beginning to see that the game was played a lot differently than I had imagined. Less than two weeks after I'd seen my mother like that, my parents had a swap party at our place. I was supposed to stay at my aunt's place, and I sneaked out and went home and in the rear door. We had a big house, with a pool in back, and a huge playroom that was all glass doors at the back that overlooked the pool and patio.
"I just had to walk out into the pool area, hide, and see everything that went on in the playroom. And playroom was a good word for it, believe me! I watched for over two hours, and the things I saw made me sick to my stomach. I'm no prude, but when you see your own mother sucking men off, then letting them mount her from front and back, then letting one man fuck her while she sucks another man off, it gets mind-breaking.
"And my father was even worse! He not only performed sixty-nine with two other women, but he let another man fuck him up the ass! There was nothing that most of them didn't do, and it was plain to see that most of them went two ways, and seemed to like it with either a man or a woman. My mother went down on a woman, and had another one suck her cunt while she sucked the first woman's.
"I was ready to puke at any time, and I sneaked in the kitchen door and to my room and locked the door and just cried. I don't know why, but I think it was because every young person admires and respects his parents. They somehow think that their parents just can do no wrong, and it's a shock when they find out that they are more or even less than human, which mine were turning out to be. My parents were a couple of sex weirdos, and it hit me hard to find it out.
"I couldn't get it out of my mind all the next week at school. I wondered if sex could be as happy a game as they made it seem, doing all the crazy things they had, and at the same time I was scared. I wanted to try it, but I'd been brought up to believe that it was all wrong to have sex before you married. Yet, it seemed that once you were married, anything in the world was alright. So, when this boy named Alfred asked me to go to a party with him on Friday night, I told him I would. I knew that it would be a 'pot party,' because some of the other kids had told me that all of his gang's parties were marihuana parties. I had no problems at home, because my parents were always out on Friday nights, to a swap party, and they seemed actually relieved when I asked permission to stay overnight with a girl friend.
"I met Al at a corner near my house and we went to his home. His parents were away for the evening, too, and we had the whole place to ourselves. He had a groovy bedroom, all fixed up with psychedelic pictures and some pictures of the Beatles and The Animals, and he had a lot of pillows and a big ottoman-it was like a real opium den. There were only two other coupies besides us, and when we were all there, they didn't waste any time.
"Al brought out some 'sticks' and we all lit up. I didn't know how to do it, so they told me to take a puff, deep in my lungs, then hold it there as long as I could. I did it about five times, and man, did I ever begin to feel good. I felt like nothing mattered, and everyone was beautiful.
"When we had all smoked a joint and relaxed, we settled down to fooling around. When Al began to feel my breasts, it felt wonderful, and I began to get hot for more. I unzipped his pants and took his cock into my hand and jerked it a little. He got hard right away and began to run his hands between my legs, pinching my thighs, then running his fingers down the lips of my pussy, turning me on good. I just felt good. He seemed to me to be the most wonderful person in the world, and I wanted more.
"He got up and took his pants off, and then he slid mine off, and I noticed that the other two couples were already performing sex acts. One girl was down on her boyfriend, sucking his cock, and the other two were going at it real good, fucking like crazy.
"I was on the floor, on a thick rug in front of the hi-fi, and I wanted Al to fuck me. He laid down beside me and began to play with my nipples and my pussy, and I moaned every time his finger would touch my clit. I told him I wanted it, and he asked me if I was a virgin. I lied and said I wasn't, and that seemed to please him, so he just got on top of me and began to stick his cock in me. I had always heard that it hurt the first time, but all I felt was a thrill. Maybe it was the Mary Jane, but I began to build toward an orgasm from the second he put his cock inside me.
"He began to kiss me, sticking his tongue deep into my mouth, and he mumbled, 'You're wonderful, Tammi, you're the most."
"After a couple of minutes, I began to buck and twist and he began to dig me deeper and faster, and then, it came like a lightning bolt-my first come! It just seemed to spread all over my body, making it feel warm and excited, and I wanted more. I locked my legs around Al and wouldn't let him take it out, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and began to kiss him and beg him not to stop.
"He wasn't about to quit, and inside five minutes, I guess I must have come three or four times more. The others were still going at it when Al pulled his cock out of me, wiped it off with his handkerchief, and told me I'd better go to the bathroom and take care of myself. I really didn't know what I was supposed to do, but I went and pissed and wiped my pussy out with a washrag I found there.
"When I got back to Al's room, he had lit up another joint, and he handed it to me and I smoked it slowly, while he lit another for himself. I got even higher than before, and I seemed to be able to do anything in the world that I wanted to. I felt I was perfect in everything, and pretty soon one of the other guys came over and Al went over to be with his girl, and we started in again. He asked me to suck his cock a little, until it got hard, and I did. Then he spread my legs and went down on me for a while, licking my clit and pussy lips and sticking his finger up inside of my cunt, touching all the deeper walls of it.
"By the time he was ready, I was hot all over, and I felt that we were the best fuckers in the world. When he slid his cock inside my cunt, I felt it was filling my whole body with joy. It was bigger than Al's, and I was even hotter for it, and I just seemed to have a whole string of climaxes, before Joey came even once. I felt I could go on that way all night, and after he had screwed me for half and hour, and he had come twice, I still felt the same way. I felt I could please any man on earth-even the sonofabitch that I'd seen with my mother. I was wonderful, and I could handle any boy or man on earth.
"Then I fell asleep, and when I woke up, it was daylight, and I was in Al's car. He told me later that I had passed out cold and he had to get me out of his house before his parents came home. They were pretty easy with him, but he knew they wouldn't stand for that.
"I went on home, and I felt let down. I hated the thought of facing my parents. I had really balled it, and I had liked it, and I was afraid that I'd just have to shout it out to them-especially if I got any questioning. But they were too hung over from sex and booze to even pay any attention to the circles under my eyes, or notice how fagged out I was.
"After that, I used to smoke pot at least three times a week, sometimes, at one of the kids' houses, or most often in Al's car, or one of the other guys' cars. And no matter where we smoked it, we always had some sex afterwards. Joey's father was a doctor, and he managed to get me some birth-control pills, so I didn't have to worry about getting pregnant. I was just having a ball.
"I forgot how long I was on pot before I started on H-heroin. I know that my first time was with Carl-he was about twenty-five, and I guess he was supplying some of the kids at school. Anyhow, it was at a party at one of the girls' houses. Her parents had gone away over the weekend, and we had a two-day spree. It started out the usual way, with lots of pot and lots of fucking, gang-bang style, changing off every so often.
"Then Carl came, and everybody seemed excited to see him. I didn't know why, but I soon found out. They must have told him that I was 'green' to H, because after he passed out a few little packets to some of the kids, he came over and began to talk to me. I liked him. He was good-looking in a sexy way, and it made me feel important when he singled me out to give his attention to.
"I was pretty high on pot, and before I knew it, I was letting him feel my titties and my pussy, and he was asking me if I really wanted to 'fly,' as he put it. I was too high to really pay close attention to him, and the next thing I knew he had shot something into my arm and I began to feel light-headed and sexy as hell.
"After about fifteen minutes, I seemed to be out of it. It was like I was somebody else, standing apart and watching what I and the rest were doing. I felt as if I had left my body and was floating around the room. I don't know how many times Carl screwed me, or how many times I sucked him off. And there were others, too. And before the two days were over, I had even sucked the pussy of one of the girls! I can remember how they all gathered around and watched as she sucked mine first, and then I licked and sucked hers.
"It was a way-out ball, but when I went home late Sunday, I felt like hell. I was sorry I had tried heroin, and I made up my mind I wasn't going to get hooked, like some of the kids already were. But it bugged me all week, thinking about the wild, wonderful feeling I'd had when I'd taken it. On Friday night, I had a date with Al, and after I'd smoked a joint of pot, I knew damned well that I wanted some heroin. I asked Al if he had any, but he didn't. He did say he could get some from a friend of his, so we drove over to this guy's house and Al came back with some heroin.
"After some wild sex in a park with Al, I began to get sick. I vomited and broke out in cold sweat, and Al got scared and drove me home. I expected to find the house empty, because Friday night was always a party night for my parents, but my father was home. My mother had gone somewhere alone-or at least, that's what she had told my father-and he wasn't feeling good and had stayed home.
"When I staggered in the front door, he was sitting in the living room watching TV. He was in his pajamas and robe, and at first he hardly paid any attention to me. But when I reeled a little and waved at him in a drunken way, he stood up and said, 'What in hell have you been drinking?'
"I told him I hadn't had a drop, and he walked over and grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me hard. 'You little slut,' he yelled, 'you're as bad as your mother. What are you on-dope of some kind?'
"I was too high to care what he thought or said, so I just laughed. 'Pot and H, dad,' I boasted. 'Take your pick."
"He slapped me across the face hard, and it almost brought me down to earth. At least, it made me think a lot clearer, and I stood there, rubbing my cheek where he had hit me, and I began to bawl. I was crying from frustration and anger, more than any pain, though the slap did sting pretty good.
"I taunted, 'And don't forget fucking and sucking, dad. That can get you kind of high, too. And you ought to know!'
"When I said that, he began to slap me with both hands, left and right, right and left, until I finally fell down on the couch. He seemed to go wild. He ripped off my panties and my skirt, then my blouse, leaving me there naked. He took off his own clothes, then stood there, his cock already getting hard, and screamed, 'I'll show you what fucking is, you bitch. I'll give you more fucking than you can handle!'
"Still mouthing obscenities, he spread my legs and began to eat my pussy, and I mean eat. He was using his teeth and his fingernails, almost as if he wanted to tear my clitoris out of my cunt, but it turned me on like I'd never been turned on before, and I began to writhe and moan for more. The more I groaned, the angrier he got, and I was sure he was bringing blood to my cunt with his brutal biting and scratching, but it was making me wild with desire to come.
"I'd had a pretty good dose of heroin, and it hadn't even begun to wear off, and I began to mumble, 'Fuck me, please fuck me."
"That drove him wild, and he stopped sucking my pussy and got on his knees and looked down at me. I must have been a mess, because I just tried to grin up at him and said, 'Fuck me good. I need it. I want it."
"He lowered his body on mine and began to insert the head of his prick into my cunt, but all at once he began to curse and say, 'I can't fuck my own daughter, I can't."
"I coaxed, 'Please, please put it in,' but he just rolled me over so I was lying on my face, and then he moved in and lowered his body and I felt him start to shove it up my asshole! In all the sex parties I had been to, I had never had that happen-at least, if it had, I must have been passed out, and it hurt like hell. If I hadn't been so damned high, I'd have probably screamed, but after a minute, as it began to go in and out more smoothly, it didn't hurt so bad, and I just lay there and let him go ahead. He was cursing me and himself all the time he was shoving it in and out of my asshole, and toward the end he stopped and began to make sobbing sounds. When he shot his load up my ass, he just collapsed on me and began to kiss my shoulders and the back of my neck and mumble, 'Please forgive me, Tammi-please. I love you, please, please, forgive me."
"It seemed strange, me ending up comforting him, but that's what I did. He took his cock out of my asshole and I turned over and held his head in my arms, like he was a little boy, and I told him over and over that it was all right-that he hadn't hurt me.
"I still felt giddy from the H, but it was wearing off. I was still hot for some fucking, and I didn't know how to tell him, or turn him on, he was so forlorn and guilt-ridden. So, I just went down on him! I began to play with his cock, and as it started to get stiff, I went down on him, sucking it deep into my mouth and teasing it with my tongue and teeth. He was flabbergasted, but he was helpless to stop me, it felt so good. Finally, when I knew he was about to come, I stopped and told him I wanted to be fucked. This time, he just climbed on top of me and put his cock inside my pussy and began to pump away. He was hitting all the spots inside me that really turned me loose, and all I could think of was to ask him if I was as good as the women he did it with at his swap parties.
"I guess he was still half dazed, because he kept saying, over and over, 'You're the best in the world, my little baby-the best in the world."
"It made me feel good to hear him say that, and to have him inside me. I really let go, wiggling my hips and ass, rising up to allow him to go in to the hilt of his cock, and I came twice before he had his orgasm, and then we lay there, half sobbing, half laughing. We didn't say anything. It was as if we were both trying to sober up after a big binge. Finally, he said softly, 'You'd better take care of yourself, Tammi. You know what I mean."
"I told him not to worry, that I was on the pill, and it didn't even seem to surprise him. He got up and went to the bathroom, taking his pajamas with him, and I went to my room and took a shower in my own bath, to try to shake the effects of the pot and the H, as well as the good fucking that I'd just had.
"My asshole was a little sore, but not bad, and looking back, I felt that it hadn't been too bad that way at all. It gave me a sort of special feeling, that I had been able to make him want me that badly, and when I fell asleep, I felt more friendly toward him than I had in a long, long time."
The speaker is Tammi W. She is fifteen, and the only child of a well-to-do family. Her father is an executive with an automobile manufacturing company, and she is now undergoing psychiatric treatment. Because of the public nature of part of her story, we were able to contact responsible parties and were granted permission to use her case history. It is a sordid one, yet, if we are to believe all the news accounts and case histories of juvenile courts, Tammi may well be very typical-at least in her use of marihuana and heroin, if not in her promiscuous sex patterns.
She is unusual in that she used anal intercourse for no other reason than to spite. She readily admits that she gained no sexual pleasure from the act, yet she developed a hatred of her parents that caused her to perform consistently and exclusively the one act that she considered "perverted, sinful, and dirty."
That Tammi is a masochist is undeniable. She is suffering from a feeling of being unwanted by her parents, according to her psychiatrist, and like most masochists she deliberately punishes and abases herself because she feels she deserves it. But added to this need of abasement are the vengeful feelings she has toward her parents.
She feels that they "let her down," so to speak, and turned her loose in a jungle which she neither understood, nor particularly desired to enter.
Another interesting aspect of Tammi's case is her use of drugs. At present, the controversy still rages concerning the aphrodisiacal powers of marihuana. The experts (if there is such a creature) seem evenly divided as to whether marihuana users tend to turn to sex for kicks more readily, or whether the use of marihuana heightens the sexual urge.
One fact is certain, according to all the tests conducted on the subject: marihuana users do think that they are sexually superior in performance to others, and they also definitely do indulge in sex to a greater degree (usually while using marihuana) than do nonusers.
Unfortunately, Tammi's story, insofar as her turning to experimenting with drugs goes, is much too typical to ignore. And, significantly, such youngsters seem to come from just such families as hers-fairly well off, bored, blase, seeking kicks in wild sex orgies. Case history after case history show that this seems to be the norm, instead of the rarity, where young persons turn to marihuana and heavier drugs.
Tammi's psychiatrists believe that there was a basic weakness of character in her, which accounts for her masochistic tendencies. But it also gave her an excuse-a "crutch"-to explain her use of drugs, for she blames her parents completely for her actions.
Sociologists and psychologists working with young people to combat the drug abuse find this a typical attitude. Most youngsters feel, as Tammi did, that they had been abandoned in a jungle which was created by their unfeeling and uninterested parents, and instead of fighting for their own salvation, they meekly float downstream with "the crowd," and in so doing, swell the ranks of the narcotic users-and also, of a growing horde of masochists.
Sex, along with religion, has often been referred to as the "opiate of the poor," and today's youngsters are proving that sex is, indeed, an opiate, and that it is not confined to the less fortunate. In fact, it seems to have become the favorite pastime and escape mechanism of the general public, particularly the affluent middle class, to which Tammi's parents belong.
We make no attempt to place blame, nor to condemn, but in studying Tammi's case we do feel that a part of the blame must rest with her parents.
Of equal interest in this case is the aspect of incest and the reactions of Tammi's father in the situation in which he found himself, and which he partially created. We shall let Tammi continue her account in her own words.
"When I awoke the first morning after being fucked and ass-fucked by my father, and after having given him a partial blow job, I knew that things couldn't be the same again. I had a hell of a hangover from the H, but I also had a headful of crazy thoughts. I lay there in my bed and I went over every bit of the evening that I could recall, and it was really something!
"Remember, I was no virgin, and I knew enough about my own feelings to realize that my father had turned me on like none of the jerky potheads I had been screwing around with. And the next question was: What was I going to do about it-or, actually, what were we going to do about it?
"I didn't go to school-I was too sick and too mixed up for that-and I didn't want to face my mother. I was too disgusted with her. In a funny way, I blamed her more than my father for what had happened, because if she were half a woman, I figured she wouldn't be sucking other guys' pricks, or fucking them; also, my father wouldn't have had to go on the sex orgy kick that they were on, if she were halfway decent in bed.
"I suppose it's sort of natural to defend the parent of the opposite sex-that's what the psychiatrists tell me, anyhow-but I still feel that, in this case, my mother was the key to the whole mess.
"At any rate, I wanted to talk to my father. I had to find out what was really at the bottom of our wild sex the night before. For me, it was easy to blame the H, but I wondered what his reasons were, and most of all, I wondered why I felt like masturbating now, thinking of him fucking me and putting his prick up my asshole.
"I was pretty mixed up, because after all the sex with the other jerks, I forgot it right away. It didn't mean a thing. Now, it was all I could think of. I wondered if I was really hung up on my father.
"I called him at work and asked him if I could see him for lunch. He was tickled, but seemed nervous on the phone, and he told me to meet him in the restaurant of a large hotel near the office building where he worked. I was there, all primped up, in my fanciest minidress, when he came in. He had called and reserved a table, and believe me, I felt like a queen or a movie actress, the attention I got. And when he came in, he bent and kissed me, his hand on my shoulder, and I got that same old thrill. As he sat down opposite me, I seemed to notice for the first time, what a handsome, virile man he was. He'd played football and baseball in college, and he still played squash and handball often, and there wasn't an ounce of fat on him, although he was forty-three.
"He treated me like a lady, and I began to glow. The drug hangover was gone, and I came alive. I felt sexy and mature, and I had a strange feeling of power as dad became more attentive with every moment. We had a nice lunch, and toward the end I told him I wanted to be alone with him so we could talk. He was a little nervous, but he finally told me that he had a room at the hotel that he kept regularly, in case visiting big shots needed it. I could tell by his embarrassed expression that he also used it to screw women in, too, but I didn't say anything. I told him that was fine, and he gave me the key and told me to go ahead up, that he would check back with his office and be up soon.
"It was a nice room, and I noticed that he kept a pretty good supply of booze there, too. I'd never drank much, but I poured a little brandy in a glass and sipped it. I guess I was a bit nervous, too, but when dad came in, all smiles, nervous as a bridegroom, everything seemed to be all right. I felt in command again, and when we were alone in the room, I started to get all sexed up.
"'Well, honey,' dad said, 'what was it you wanted to talk about?'
"I looked at him in astonishment. He had to be kidding. 'You ought to know,' I said, hurt and a bit angry.
"He walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders. 'Tammi, honey,' he said soothingly, 'what happened last night was--just an accident. I've tried to tell you how sorry I was. I don't know what happened, but it won't ever happen again, I promise."
"I blurted out, 'But I want it to happen!'
"He looked at me as if I were a strange bug. He shook his head. 'That's-dirty! Indecent! What in hell is the matter with you? Are you a sexpot like your mother?'
"I felt like he'd slapped me across the face, and I reacted in rage. I slapped him across the mouth as hard as I could! He stepped back, rubbing his face, anger clouding his face.
"'You are a slut! Just like her,' he ground out.
"'You liked my cunt and my asshole pretty much last night, though, didn't you?' I shot back at him, both hurt and venomous.
"'Shut up?' he yelled, advancing as if he were going to hit me, fists clenched. 'Get the hell back to school, where you belong. And you try anymore of that goddamned dope, and I'll have you put away! You hear me?'
"He was boiling, but so was I. 'I'll do whatever the fuck I want to do!' I screamed back at him. 'And if you don't like it, just try some stupid move to stop me, and I'll tell mother about last night, say you raped me, and have your ass in jail!' I got up, stalked out of the hotel room, and took the elevator, leaving him standing there looking as if he'd been hit by a truck.
"He had really put me down-after I had practically begged him to fuck me again! I was in a daze, I was so mad. I'd never been put down like that in my life, and I made up my mind that I'd make the son of a bitch pay, but good!
"The bar adjoined the dining room, and I just walked in and took a dark booth in a corner. The same waiter that had served us lunch came over, and I guess he assumed I was dad's girl friend, because he asked politely, 'May I get you something, miss?'
"I ordered a martini. It was the strongest thing I could think of. I hadn't paid any attention to the others in the room, but now, an older man at the next table rose and came to my booth. 'May I buy you a drink?' he asked. He was tall and slim, and he had a young face, even though his hair was white.
"I felt vicious, and I hoped that, by chance, my father would stop in for a drink and see me with a man. So I smiled and he sat down beside me.
"The waiter never batted an eye when the man asked him to bring him a bourbon. After the waiter had gone, the man raised his glass and said, 'I've been admiring you for over an hour. I saw you in the dining room with-with a friend of mine. You're very charming."
"I began to bubble inside. It was even better than I had hoped. He knew dad, but he thought I was one of his girl friends! And he assumed that I was one of those who sometimes occupied the room up on the fifth floor! So he wasted no time in making his pitch. It was funny, and flattering, to know that he thought I was a call girl!
"And, three martinis later, I was all hot for him, and he for me, and he went into the lobby and got a room, and a few moments later, there I was, for the second time in a couple of hours, in a hotel room with a man. But this one really wanted to ball. The only thing that spoiled it for me was that that fucking snob of an old man of mine wasn't there to see it! He hadn't come back into the bar, but after five minutes with Ed Rankin, I forgot all about dad anyhow. He was really a charmer, was smooth with his hands and his words, and by the time I got to the room, I was all wet in my pussy and ready to really go to town.
"I didn't put on any act, and Ed liked it that way. I just stripped, and he got undressed, and we got on the bed. He began by kissing my nipples, shoving his fingers up my pussy while he did so; then he moved down and spread my legs, and with his tongue, teeth, lips, and fingers, he gave me an orgasm inside two minutes!
"He stopped then, and just ran his hands all over my body, saying how beautiful I was, and kissed me in different places while he raved over my 'ripe, young beauty."
"I was feeling the gin and vermouth, but I was digging him a lot more. I began to play with his cock, and finally took it in my mouth and sucked it a little. It drove him up the wall, and I decided I'd finish him off that way. When he shot into my mouth, he was moaning and groaning and raving what a woman I was. I kept on sucking it until he got hard again, and then I stopped and rolled over on my back and spread my legs. 'Fuck me, daddy,' I told him, and I got a special kick when I used the word daddy. But he didn't know about that, and he went to town on me with all he had. He fucked me every way but loose, and I came at least three times before he got his rocks off once.
"As he lay there on top of me, I could feel his fingers playing around my asshole, and his cock starting to harden up again. Then he said a funny thing that let me know for sure what he thought I was. Ed said, 'I hope you won't be offended-but I'll pay you extra if you'll let me have you from the back. You know what I mean?' He was apologetic and embarrassed, but I giggled and said, 'You mean, up my ass?' He just nodded, not looking at me.
"I told him I liked it that way once in a while, and he was so goddamned eager and grateful that he was like a little boy. I got on my hands and knees after he got a real hard on, and he moved in and began to shove the head of it in. It was tight at first, but I loosened up quickly, and pretty soon he was shoving away like a wild dog, his cock going the full length into my ass. At the same time, I was playing with my clit, and I managed a good come about the time he shot his load up my asshole.
"He was real nice as he pulled it out. He explained, 'I hope you understand. I'm not queer or anything like that, but my wife-she'll never let me do that. I hope you don't mind. I'll make it up to you."
"He talked real nice while he was getting dressed, asking me how I had come to get into 'this business' so young, and all sorts of things. He even asked me how I had met my father-only he didn't know it was my father-and I got a kick out of that. I told him I had met him through a mutual acquaintance, and he told me that he worked for the same company as my father, but in a different division, though he knew him fairly well.
"I had a sudden inspiration. I told Ed, 'We haven't talked about money, but you've been nice, so-how about a hundred? And if that shorts you, just make out a check to "cash." That will do fine."
"It surprised him, I suppose, that I was so business-like about the whole thing, but he made me out a check. I didn't want him to know my name, but I sure wanted his name on a check. Would that shake up the old man!
"He asked me when I would be available again, and I made a date for the coming Friday night-at my home! I knew they would be out to one of their balls again, and even if they weren't, I wanted to play this goddamned sex game to the hilt. I even hoped they would be home when Ed picked me up. He didn't suspect that I lived with my parents, of course, and it would be quite a jolt for my father to have one of his business associates come calling to take his call-girl daughter out to a motel.
"I didn't know quite how to hit dad with the check, but he made it easy. That night, I went out and smoked a little pot-not enough to really turn on, and there was no hanky-panky or sex, just a gang of us smoking a couple of joints for the hell of it. It felt damned good to me to just be with kids my own age, and I remember thinking about the hang-ups of adults and kids, and wondering which were the worst off.
"When I got home, dad was waiting to talk to me. He was still boiling from the scene in the hotel room, and I knew he was pretty worried, too, about my crack that I'd fink to my mother if he made a funny move. My mother was getting ready for bed, so he asked me to come into the den, for a little talk.
"I couldn't help but remember all the sex scenes that had taken place in the den, when I walked in after him. He shut the door and told me to sit down. I had my first look at him as a cold, shrewd businessman, meeting a problem head on. He stood in front of me and began. 'I'm your father. I care about you, more than you realize. I made a bad slip the other night. I don't want any more. Today, you seemed to think that we were going to have an 'affair' of some sort. We're not-ever! I've apologized. Now, I'm making the rules!'
"I just smirked up at him, fondling the check in my pocket, waiting for the right time to drop the bomb. He went on in a rush. 'From now on, you are only allowed out on Friday or Saturday nights, and then, only until midnight! And I am taking you to a doctor and a psychiatrist to work with you on this drug problem! I mean this, Tammi. Don't force me to go to the juvenile authorities!'
"That about did it for me. Who the hell was he, to lay down rules of good conduct for me? A sexed up, cheating son of a bitch who would fuck his own daughter!
"'You didn't say anything about my sex life, daddy,' I taunted. 'I can do without all the rest, but I've got to have a lot of sex. I'm like you and mother. I need it, and in a lot of different ways, with a lot of different men."
"I thought he was going to slap me, but he just stood there, turning purple with rage. 'You're not going to blackmail me with what happened the other night!' he shouted in blind fury. 'I'll tell your mother what happened, and we'll call in the authorities, if you force it!'
"I retorted: 'Force it! Force it! You're the one that's pushing, pop, not me! But if you want war, then we'll have war. I'd rather make love than war, but you play it your way. Here-' I held out the check with Ed's signature, but only far enough for him to see it clearly and not be able to grab it. 'After you turned me off this morning, I went back down to the bar and met a man. I think you know him.' I let him get a good look at the name on the check. 'That's for services rendered, pops-up in a room he rented in the hotel. He thinks I'm one of your call girls. Ain't that a laugh?'
"He just stood there, his mouth open wide, disbelief and horror on his face. Finally he gasped, 'Ed Rankin! That lecherous old bastard. With my daughter!' He still couldn't make himself believe it.
"I poured it on. 'Yes, and he even paid a little extra for me to let him shove it up my asshole, daddy. But, just think-you had it all for free!'
"He stepped over and tried to get the check, but I put it between my legs and drew them up against my chest. I sat there gloating at the power I had, the utter command I had over him. What could he do?
"He stood there, just shaking his head, now white instead of red in the face.
"I said, 'So, I think I'll pretty much make the rules, pops, while you just shut up and do your fucking on the side all you want. Or-' I was really pouring it on, '-why not invite Ed to your Friday night orgy? I've got a date with him. Wouldn't that be something? Mother, father, daughter-all swinging at the same joint? Maybe Ed could show you a few things-or even mother!'
"That tore it. He came at me with his fists doubled up, hitting me anywhere the blows landed, which was almost everywhere on my body. He blacked both my eyes, cut my mouth, and left some bruises on my thighs and stomach that were horrible. He was crazy!
"I screamed as loud as I could, and at last my mother came in, a towel wrapped around her, looking frightened and bored, if you can imagine that combination.
"My father was cursing, calling me all kinds of names, but when she came in, he stopped and just stood in front of me, gasping, shaking. He pointed at me with a shaky finger and yelled at my mother, 'Look what you're raising, Millie! A beautiful little hopped-up slut! She's crazier about sex than you are-and she even gets paid for it!'
"My mother just scowled at him and said sharply, 'There's no need to beat her with your fists! You act like an animal.' She came over and patted my hair, but she didn't put her arm around me or kiss me. 'Go clean yourself up, Tammi,' was all she said.
"I walked to the door. I must have been a sight. I turned and told them, 'You'd better invite Ed Rankin to your party this Friday. If you don't, I'll bring him!' I stalked out and spent the next hour fixing my cuts and bruises. I didn't know how I was going to find out where the party would be, or if they would even go, now that I had blown the whole story, but they surprised me with their guts.
"Next morning, my parents faced me across the breakfast table, and they looked pretty grim. I had heard them arguing at the top of their voices far into the night, but I didn't much care what they had decided. My mother acted as spokesman. She snapped, 'You're not running this house, young lady.' Then: 'You're going to do as your father says. Now, we are having a party here this Friday. You will stay in your room-and your father will deal with this Ed Rankin! Now, it's up to you. If you want a fight, you've got one, but you can't win."
"I could see that they really meant business, and later that day, when I called Ed Rankin on the phone, he was in a panic. My father had threatened to have him arrested on charges of procurement, statutory rape, contributing to the delinquency of a minor-a whole bookful of charges. Rankin would have had it. He begged me to tear up the check, but I just laughed at him.
"I cashed the check at the bank where I had a savings account, and got hold of Al and some of the other kids, and we really blew a bundle on pot and H. I was really ripe, and I went on a real bender. I don't think I was really normal for the next three days, even when I was in school or at home. But on Friday morning, I really took on a load. I began with pot at school, and then I took off with two other girls and two guys, and we made a buy of some H and went to Sharon's house and really tied it on tight.
"By seven o'clock that night, I was walking on air, and I didn't give a damn what the hell happened to me or to the goddamned world.
"I asked the gang if they would like to go to a real live swap party, and of course they were all so high that they thought it was the idea of the week. So, we all piled into the car and headed for my house, about nine-thirty. If I'd been a little less high, I'd have known my parents weren't going to lay themselves open for me to bring trouble, but I was hell bent on getting even with both of them, and that chicken-livered Ed Rankin.
"They had guests in, all right, but it was just a mild booze party, and when we barged in, everybody was dressed and acting fairly sensible. Oh, they were dancing around, feeling a little high, making damned fools of themselves, but it wasn't any sex party, that's for sure.
"We went in the front door and then out into the den, where most of them were. My father put his drink down and came over and told us to get out. He was furious, but we were too high to be scared or even impressed.
"'Get those tramps out of here and go to your room, Tammi!' he yelled. The whole bunch was watching us, holding their breaths. I imagine most of them had kids my age, and they were getting a firsthand look at how the younger half lives. At least, their faces looked as if they were watching a horror movie.
"I ignored my father and huddled close to Al. I knew he'd belt my old man if he got rough with me. Al was over six feet tall. I was giggly and felt as if I could take on the world. I faced them and laughed. 'Where's all the sex? I thought you'd be fucking and sucking like crazy by now. What's wrong? No volunteers?' With that, I began to tear my clothes off, and when my father stepped in to grab me, Al hit him hard in the stomach and knocked him back. Dad was holding his stomach with both hands and groaning.
"I was stark-naked in a minute, and I walked out into the room and said, 'Anybody for some nice fresh ass? It's good-ask my father, he knows. Come on, don't be chicken-here's some fresh young fucking. I go both ways, front or back-fuck or suck. C'mon, you rotten bastards-come and get it!'
"I had really flipped from the emotion and the dope, and I was wild. I danced around, shoving my pussy at all the men, shaking my ass, cupping my breasts, and spreading the lips of my pussy wide open with my fingers.
"I didn't know it, but when we had barged into the house, my mother had called the police, so about the time that some of the women were having heart attacks at my actions, and when Al had begun to strip also, to join me in the fun, in walked four cops!
"There wasn't much more to it. A dozen witnesses to the thing, all of us kids high on H and pot, and my seething mother proffering assault-and-battery charges against Al. We were really dead.
"I don't recall a lot of the rest of that night, except that I was taken to juvenile hall, booked, and then taken to a hospital ward along with the others. We were all really sick. Now, I'm in a juvenile home for good-or at least, until I'm twenty-one.
"I didn't have a hard time getting off the heroin. I suppose I hadn't really had enough to get hooked, but I do miss the pot. And I miss the old gang and-to tell the truth-I miss my home. I have begun to see that it wasn't such a bad deal, even with all the wild sex parties my parents had, and the little attention they paid to me. I've had a chance to read a lot and to talk to a bunch of other kids in here, and my parents aren't any worse than most.
"The police questioned me a lot about my crack about my father liking my ass, but I at least did that much for him-I denied it, said it was the dope talking, and I had him get the check back from the bank and destroy it. I screwed everything up pretty good, and I don't really know why I did.
"My mother and dad are divorced now, and I guess I had some part in that, too. But I'm beginning to get things clear in my mind. I think I'll be all right when I get out of here, and will be able to make something out of my life. I know that the sex kick thing was just a freak thing. I don't miss it, and I'm not going the lesbian route that some of the girls in here are trying. I study hard. I think I'm going to become a social worker of some sort, if I can. I know now just how badly a bunch of young people, and their parents, need some counseling-some guidance in the early years, before it gets too far out of hand.
"I'm not trying to be noble or to atone for any so-called sins. What's done is done, and I'm paying for that. But I really do have a feel for other kids, and I think that I'll be a little better able to talk with them, because of what's happened to me. I hope so."
The psychiatrists who work with Tammi are confident that she will indeed become an effective and productive member of society when she is released from the institution. The picture is not as black as she seems to think, for her father is another person who has finally come to his senses, since the divorce from her mother. He is vitally interested in her progress, and he has good attorneys attempting to procure Tammi's release at an earlier date, contingent on her continued progress with the psychiatrists.
These professional men see great possibilities for her future, and they hold her up as a good example of what can be done to rehabilitate our young people who become entangled with drugs and sex. They also point to her case as an example of what parental neglect can cause, and how it occurs in poor as well as wealthy families.
As stated before, we neither condemn nor condone the actions of Tammi, nor of her parents, but we do feel very grateful to them for allowing us access to the facts of this interesting case. We feel that others may benefit from Tammi's frank interview, and that other parents might see the warning signs in their own home, and take appropriate action before it becomes a matter for the juvenile authorities.