Chapter 2
The "Sex-Kick" Virgin
"I knew when Ken slapped me across the face and told me that I was going to get a 'cock sandwich' that I was in for a wild sex kick, but I didn't know it would be as kinky as it was. Ken didn't tell me it was going to be a three-decker cock sandwich, where I'd be taking sexual care of three guys at the same time.
"A lot of square people wouldn't even think that it is possible, I suppose, but it is. Here's what happened.
"Ken was the leader of the Hotshots of Hell, the motorcycle gang I ran with, and he had finally told the guys that I was going to be his woman until he had broken me into his pattern; then, I was fair game for any of them who wanted me, provided he said it was all right.
"I'd enjoyed sex with Ken. He really dug it. He swung both ways-he'd blow a guy while he was fucking me, and that multiple sex thing is as big a turn-on for us young ones as the wife-swapping bit is for the old folks.
"Ken had fucked me in the mouth, up the ass, and in about fourteen different positions in the cunt, but I had never had any part of any gang bangs. That was one of the privileges the leader had-any newcomer was 'his woman' until he released her for general loving to the gang. And I had noticed that in the last two days, since Lauri had joined the bunch, Ken was paying a hell of a lot of attention to her and none to me.
"I was just hung up on sex, and I didn't much care how I got it-in the pussy, the mouth, up the ass or any other way they ever invented; but I liked it best when a guy was sucking my cunt and I was sucking his cock, and he was working a finger up my asshole at the same time. There's something about having a guy's prick in your mouth, his hairy balls hanging in your face, and the sight of his brown shit-hole so close, that really turns me on good. And when a guy really does a good job of pussy licking, using long strokes with his tongue, he catches your asshole every stroke, and you get that old lick job from back to front. If you're sixty-nining, the guy can use the tip of his nose on your asshole, and that's a real gas.
"Anyhow, I was beginning to sizzle over Ken and this new chick-she was a lump, anyhow, nowhere near as pretty or shapely as I was, but she was getting the big attention from Ken, and I didn't like it. When I don't like something, I speak out about it, and that's when Ken hit me.
"I had walked over to where he was standing with this dame, and I said right out, 'Butt your ass out, baby, Ken's mine."
"Ken didn't even look at me, he just backhanded me a good one that sent me staggering. Then he came after me and grabbed me by the tit and said, 'What you need is to learn who's boss around here. You're Ken's if Ken says you are, not if you say so. What you need to show you how this gang is run, is a good cock sandwich. Duke! Redeyes! Let's go!'
"He threw me down on the ground and took my jeans and blouse off and tossed them away. Meantime, Duke and Redeyes took off their jeans and began to masturbate until they both had good hards. Ken took his pants off, and he already had the beginning of a good stiff. He could get one on sometimes, I think, just by slapping a woman around pretty good. He was a sadist and a masochist and a damned good fucking man, all wrapped up in one, and I was pretty hung up on him, even though we'd only been together a couple of weeks.
"When Duke had his cock all hard and stiff, he looked at Ken. 'Take the bottom!' Ken instructed him, and Duke laid down on the ground beside me. Ken cracked me across the ass, but not too hard, and said, 'Get on top of Duke.' I was beginning to get a little scared, but at the same time, excited. Sex with two or three watching is a kick enough in itself, but sex with two or three guys looked to me as if it might be really groovy, so I crawled on top of Duke and positioned myself so that he could shove his cock up inside me. He began to fool with my pussy, playing around with the clit and the lips, and then he began to shove it up in me. He had a real donger, too, and I was just beginning to bear down and get with it with him when Ken stepped over and slapped me on the ass again and said, 'Hold it, bitch. Wait for me. I said this was a cock sandwich!'
"He got on his knees, moving up close to my ass, his cock in his hand, and then he climbed aboard! He spread my ass cheeks with one hand and he rammed his prick up my ass with the other, and I tell you, it was like having a whole body stuffed with hot, stiff pricks!
"When Ken began to pump his prick in and out, Duke picked up the action with my pussy, and it was as if my whole bottom half was being fucked!
"Ken nodded to Redeyes and he came over, sat down on his ass, near Duke's head, still playing with his cock with one hand, and then began to wriggle his ass forward so that Duke's head was between his legs, and if I stretched a little, I could get his cock in my mouth.
"'Suck it!' Ken commanded, giving me an extra hard shot up the asshole with his cock. I inched up so I could get Redeyes' prick in my mouth; then I began to suck it. Meanwhile, both Ken and Duke were pumping away, and man, talk about total sex! That was the most
"I didn't know it then, but that 'cock sandwich' was the signal to the gang that I was wide open from there on, that Ken had 'dumped me.' His new fuck, Lauri, had the inside track, and I was the property of anybody in the gang that wanted me, and if anybody wanted to latch on to me they had to 'stake a claim' and then be ready to fight for me against all comers. I had no say in the whole deal. Whoever wanted me and could hold me was my lord and master. Even then, if other members of the gang just wanted me to be a 'gang mama' I was anybody's lay, anytime.
"It wasn't as bad as it sounded, though, because the guys took care of the broads when it came to food and clothes and a place to stay. We were making our headquarters at an old abandoned house near Los Angeles at the time. The place had been washed off its foundation by a flood a year or so ago, and the owner had just packed up and moved out. It was in a secluded, steep canyon, and nobody bothered us at all. There were a few hippies that sometimes lived there, but they had drifted away gradually, and now we had the joint to ourselves. There was plenty of wood around, and the owner had left an old iron woodstove, so we didn't do bad.
"Some of the guys had part-time jobs, and the rest stole or bummed food and money. It was a big adventure for a fourteen-year-old, and I was having a ball. I knew my parents must be worried sick, but they had asked for it. They were fuddy-duddies who thought that a girl shouldn't even date until she was eighteen, nor wear lipstick or minis-real squares. At least, I know my mother was, but I also knew that my old man was a hypocrite of the worst type.
"He went to church all the time with my mother, but I know he was screwing on the side, and the old bastard even used to try to cop a feel on me when she wasn't around. I knew he was also sneaking off to fuck his best friend's wife, when he got the chance, and in the face of all that, I was supposed to be a real good-good Sunday school kid?
"Hell, I was trying pot when I was twelve, and I had been finger-fucked by the boys and a couple of the teachers at school for years. I was thirteen when I popped my cherry, and it was with a forty-year-old man!
"But what I'm explaining is that it was their fault I had run off with Ken in the first place. If they had been normal, and let me have dates like the other kids, I'd have probably done all right. I don't say I wouldn't have screwed, but I'd have acted different about it, and I wouldn't have ended up with a case of syphilis, at least!"
The speaker is Billie J., now seventeen and an inmate of a home for incorrigible juvenile delinquents. She is recounting a sordid story that is far too typical of many of the young girls of today who begin an active sex life when they are not yet in their teens and who often end up as dope addicts or prostitutes.
Her case was chosen for two reasons: she gives a brief but comprehensive look into the life of a motorcycle gang, and another brief look into the ways that are open for a young schoolchild of today to be drawn into a vortex of narcotics and sex.
Most important, Billie offers a very good look at an unusual reason for engaging in anal intercourse, and her story reveals a lot about the true cause of sexual promiscuity and drug use among the young: parental unconcern or inability to cope with their young and, in many instances, actual abetting of their children's willfulness.
Billie is hard to analyze, for she came from a fairly respectable home (which is why her case is so typical) where she had all the comforts of life, but where she felt she was being smothered by too-strict rules.
The psychologists at the institute where she is confined until she reaches maturity, have made little progress in rehabilitating this girl. She is determined to return to a life of sexual freedom which, in her thinking, is actually sexual license, and authorities know that a lot of young girls with this attitude end up as call girls or prostitutes. Billie is at present an attractive young woman, but many prostitutes begin that way. As they dissipate quickly, their beauty fades, and where they had once earned $100 a day with no trouble, they often, at age twenty-five or thirty, cannot earn that in a month.
This comment was caused by the casual manner in which Billie admits that she had experimented with "pot," or marijuana, at a very early age. She then progressed to heavier narcotics, as we shall see from her account.
"That same night, Ken took Lauri and made her go through the usual shit that they want a girl to do to prove that she is able to keep the gang sexually happy. She had to go down on Ken, first, then let him fuck her in the ass, and any other way he could think of.
"But that night, so many of the other members had been waiting to get at my cunt and mouth that it turned into a sex orgy. I guess I must have been ass-fucked five times, and at least ten times blew guys, and how many times I was straight fucked I don't know. Somebody broke out some heroin, and I took the route, so I don't really know a lot about it.
"I know that Ken was fucking and sucking Lauri, and after the cock sandwich I'd had, I got madder and madder at him. And the sonofabitch wouldn't even pay any attention to all the sucking and fucking I was getting and giving!
"But that must have been the night that one of the syphilitic bastards got it to me, because it was only two days later that I went back home, and I didn't have any fucking in that time.
"The hangover I had from fucking and drugs the next day was murder, and when that lousy Redeyes woke me up and wanted me to fuck, I just blew my stack. I spit in his face, and he beat the living shit out of me. He bloodied my nose, cut my lip, and blackened both my eyes, and not a one of them that was there lifted a hand to help me. In fact, some of them cheered him on and told him to put me in my place for good.
"Well, he did. I walked all the way down to the highway and hitchhiked a ride into L.A. I didn't know how I stood with the police or my parents, so I called my dad at work. He was so glad to hear from me that he cried, and he took off work and came in the car to pick me up. When he saw my battered and swollen face, he almost cried again, and he stopped at the doctor's office to have me patched up.
"We didn't talk much on the way home, but he got the message across that he had been having a battle with my mother over what to do with me when and if I came back. She had notified the police and told them she was certain that I had not been kidnapped, but had gone away with a man, and she insisted that when I came 'dragging home,' as she put it, I should be put into a home for delinquent girls.
"But he said we would work it out, that he was still the boss in the house, and he even gave a little pat to my pussy and squeezed my breast when he kissed me to reassure me it would work out all right.
"But it didn't, because what we didn't know was that I had a case of syphilis! It didn't show for a while; at least, I didn't feel any irritation, and when I began to get itchings in my pussy, and then a rash, I was scared to tell anybody. But after it began to really bug me, I went to the school nurse. She was a sharp cookie, and she called the principal and they made me go to my own doctor. They suspended me until they had a report that I was all right, and that blew the whole deal wide open. I guess the whole community knew that Billie had a venereal disease, and the kids in the neighborhood stayed clear of me as if it were leprosy.
"My mother was a block of ice. She wouldn't even talk to my father for days when he told her that they were my parents and would stick by me no matter what.
"I didn't know then how my father felt about me. Later, I began to understand his ideas about me. He figured that if I was putting out to a bunch of young hell-raisers, I should put out for him; but he was scared silly of the goddamned disease I had. He wanted to screw me, but he knew that it would be a dead giveaway if he came up with a case of syph, and he was in a real sweat about it.
"I was so goddamned lonely, cut off from the other kids, not being allowed to go to school, that I would have run away again if I thought that anyone would have me around. Instead, I found that the only one who would talk to me, or who seemed to care, was my father.
"He was kind to me-better than I deserved, I suppose, even though he did have his own ideas about getting some pussy from me.
"I was under treatment for the syph, and I tried to keep up my schoolwork by studying at home, and it was rough. Worst of all, I was filled with hate for the bastards who had put me in this mess, even though I had to admit to myself that I had brought it on myself. I just had to talk to someone about all the things that were seething inside me, and my dad was the only one who cared to listen, for whatever reasons.
"He was really interested in what had happened, right down to the tiniest detail of every sex act. He used to get all excited and sweaty when I would talk about it, and I could see his pants bulge out when his prick would get hard as he listened and asked more questions.
"He began to talk to me about his sex life with my mother. He told me that he had never had any other position with her than with him on top, and that although she would sometimes let him suck her cunt she would never take his cock into her mouth. He told me that all his married life he had wanted to have her suck his cock, and most of all, he had wanted to shove his cock up her asshole and ass-fuck her until he came.
"One Sunday morning while my mother was at church, he came into my bedroom when he heard me getting ready to shower. He had stopped going to church completely after he and my mother began to be so cold with each other over me. Of course, she didn't want me to go, for it would only humiliate her.
"Anyhow, my dad was in his shorts, and he walked in just as I was taking off my baby-doll pajamas. I was standing there naked, looking at my body in the mirror, and he just stared at me, up and down, a hungry, openmouthed look on his face.
"It gave me a kick to see how impressed he was with my breasts and my nice round ass, and the nice-shaped pelvic area I had. I was a natural blonde, and the hair around my cunt was light and fine and golden, and it showed the lips of my pussy clearly. I just stood there, turning slightly, this way and that, enjoying the look in his eyes, and the way his cock began to get hard.
"The real truth is, I was pretty starved for some sex myself, and I had come to have a special feeling for my father, since we had become much closer through our talks and through his kindness to me. I had no intention of teasing him. I wanted him to have me, and I was waiting for him to make the first move.
"He walked up behind me and put his arms around me from the back, his hands going around my breasts, cupping them, while his cock shoved hard against the crack of my ass. It really made me feel hot, and I turned in his arms and threw my arms around his neck and kissed him, shoving my tongue deep into his mouth. He returned the kiss, and his hands went around the cheeks of my ass and I moved my hips, rubbing my bare cunt against his hard cock in a dry fuck.
"He began to moan. 'Billie, Billie, I need you, I want you, I have to have you.' He kissed my eyes and ears and neck, then bent and began to kiss the nipples of my breast. It was such a contrast to the hard, quick, sexy love of the young guys I knew, that it really turned me on. I could feel that dad actually did love me, besides wanting my body, and it made me respond in the same way.
"I said, 'I want you, too-every way, but what can we do? I'm still taking those treatments."
"He pushed me back and looked into my eyes, with his need for me showing clearly. 'Will you suck it for me, honey?' he asked. 'Or-let me put it in your ass?'
"For my reply, I just pulled him close and kissed him, then I moved back, bent down and took the head of his cock in my mouth and tickled it with my tongue.
"'Let's shower together.' I smiled, and I yanked his shorts down around his knees, then ran into the bathroom. He followed me, naked now. He adjusted the water in the shower so that it was nice and warm, and we got in. He soaped me all over, running his fingers inside my pussy and massaging my breasts with suds, and I rubbed soap all over his body. There was something special in the way we touched each other, and I guess it was love. I know that his touch excited my body all over, and the feel of that nice warm water splashing over us seemed to wash away all the dirt or the fears we may have felt.
"When we got out, it was the same when we dried each other's body. It made me feel warm and clean and good, and I wanted to be made love to in any way that dad wanted. When we went into my bedroom, I was as ripe for loving as I'd ever been in my whole life.
"I got onto the bed and he followed, and I pushed him back on the pillows and began to play with his cock. I ran my hands all over his stomach and balls, while I masturbated him a little, kissing the head of his prick as the soft skin rolled back with my stroking. When he began to roll and beg me to go further, I finally settled down on my stomach between his legs and licked his cock up and down, licking his balls and his thighs, nipping the shaft of his cock with my teeth, driving him into an ecstasy of sexiness.
"Then I took it into my mouth, sucking and using my teeth to nip it gently, liking the feel of it as I made it go deeper into my throat until I had it all inside my mouth. He had propped himself up on his elbows so he could look down and watch his cock going into his daughter's mouth, and I got a kick out of the look in his eyes as I plunged it in and out, faster and faster.
"I made him come quickly, and when he shot into my mouth, I swallowed and kept on going. I never let his cock go soft. After it was good and hard once more, I stopped and asked him to kiss my breasts and get me ready for anal intercourse.
"He was a wild lover. He kissed my breasts, under my arms, the inside of my thighs and the long length of my spine, winding up by sticking the tip of his tongue into my asshole, working it in and out while he dug his fingers into the flesh of my thighs and my ass. It was like no other loving I had ever had. I suppose younger guys are in too much of a hurry to get their rocks off to take the time to wake a woman's body up like dad did, and it was thrilling for me.
"At last, I begged him to put it inside my asshole. He positioned himself between my legs after I got on my hands and knees and began to shove it in, slowly and gently, almost cramming it in with one finger when my tight asshole didn't expand enough. I was dry, but inside a minute it had begun to slip in and out, and after two minutes it was going in and out as easily as if it were in my hot, wet pussy.
"He grabbed my hips and I moved them about in a slow, circular motion, to help him, and pretty soon we were like a well-oiled machine, with his piston going in and out of my ass in a steady rhythm that increased all the time. I reached down and began to massage my clit, and as dad began to tell me how he adored me, how I was the most wonderful woman he'd ever known, the fires began to build in me so that when he shot his load up my ass, I had my orgasm, big, wild, and thrilling-as good as I had ever had in any position!
"Dad kept saying over and over, as he lay atop me, his softening cock still inside me, 'Oh, God, oh, my God, you're beautiful. I love you, Billie, I adore you. I've got to have you all the way-everyway."
"I felt the same way, with all my heart and soul. My body was crying for him to fill it, to fill my cunt with his prick, to have his mouth sucking my cunt-and it wasn't possible. We had to settle for what we could have, until the day when I was completely clean.
"We lay in each other's arms, feeling wonderful, yet sad, and consoled each other with our naked bodies and our kisses as we promised to love each other only, always, and be happy with what we could have-my being able to suck his cock and being able to have anal intercourse, until the day came when we could go all the way, fulfilling each other's needs in every way a man and a woman possibly could.
"I guess we were both pretty dumb, because neither of us thought about using a condom. In this modern day of easy sex and the pill, it is understandable that we didn't think about the old-fashioned 'safety' as the answer to having full fucking.
"But for weeks, we did it those two ways. I would suck his cock until he came, then we would have anal intercourse. But it became very good. Dad claimed that it was the most wonderful orgasm he ever had, either way I took care of him, and when he ass-fucked me and I masturbated, it was really exciting. I always came, and as we learned more about what sensations the other experienced, by talking) about it frankly, we worked out a position where I laid on top of him, or sat on top of him, facing away, while he put his cock up my asshole. He had his hands free to massage my clit and my breasts while he was jamming his prick into my asshole.
This was extra good for me, and we could make it last for a long time as we learned each other's movements and the pace we liked to keep.
"We had no problems with my mother. She was buried in church activities almost every night-Sewing Circle on Tuesday, Prayer Meeting on Wednesday, Choir Practice on Thursday and Visitation Night Fridays, and, of course, Sunday was practically all day at church. So, we had plenty of time to love.
"We built it into a regular love ritual. We would strip, shower-sometimes we would have anal intercourse in the shower, and that was always fun-and then we would go to bed and make love. Often, we would use their bed, and that seemed to add a little spice to the doing, knowing that we were having sex right in the bed where they did. It was sort of a spite move, and we never talked about it, but I know that my dad felt the same about it as I did.
"It was funny, the way the 'safety' thing came about. I was having a hamburger at the joint when Ken came in. I froze inside. I hated the sonofabitch, and I turned my face away. I wanted to leave before he saw me, but he came over and sneered down at me. 'Hi, sore cunt. Haven't seen you around the big boys. Can't take it, huh?'
"I pushed my hamburger away and gathered up my things and stood up. He didn't move out of my way, so I pushed him roughly. Ken just laughed and said, 'Don't worry, cunt, I wouldn't fuck you through five layers of rubbers."
"It didn't hit me until I was walking home. Rubbers. Safeties. Condoms. That was the answer. Why hadn't dad or I thought about that. We could go the whole way, using a safety. That's what they were supposed to be made for-protection against disease!
"I was so excited, I called dad at work and told him to get some on his way home. He laughed like a little boy and promised me he'd bring a gross of them. And when he came home that night, he brought a dozen of them, all gift-wrapped with a little ribbon! That's how silly and how sweet our love was, that he would do a silly but sweet thing like that.
"I kept them in my nightstand drawer, and that night, when my mother had gone, we really began to love each other, the right way, at last."
There is an interesting psychological significance to be found in Billie's account, on many counts. First, her deepening love for her father in a spiritual and a sexual way represents a classic example of the Oedipus complex, which in the female is usually referred to as the Electro, complex. This is a father fixation, and is present in far more women than is realized.
It is a well-known psychological fact that many women who suffer from this complex never actually succumb to their desire for physical and sexual love with their father; however, if they do admire him and feel a strong sexual and physical attraction for him, they invariably marry a man who has the same qualities, and often who bears a strong physical resemblance to their father.
It is discernible from Billie's account that she thinks little of her mother. She was never truly close to her, and she blames her mother for the strictness of the codes by which she was raised. To further increase her feelings for her father, it was he alone who forgave her and who comforted and shielded her in her time of loneliness and need, after her shameful experience with the Hotshots of Hell group. Note, too, that it was the mother who provided the major part of the antagonism, for it was from the mother's attitude that the community took their cue.
More significant in their sexual relationship is this: Billie's sexual experiences had all been of the raw, brutal, sex-without-love type. She had been treated like a female animal, with no respect or deep emotional attachment involved, especially by the motorcycle gang. Then, as her "reward," she contracted a serious disease, and as a result was ostracized by the world she knew-except for her father.
But when they became lovers, she was shown the deep love and kindness that accompanies true sexual relations in a marriage, and she was made aware of the spiritual side of sexual intercourse. Because this came at the hands of her father, there is little doubt that Billie's love for her father was a deep, real, and spiritual one. Because it was, his physical lovemaking was far more meaningful to her than any of the raw animalistic sex she had indulged in for "kicks." Note that in her account she claimed to have gotten "kicks" from the other sex partners, whereas she got "deep thrills" from her father's sexual approach.
Another significant item is revealed in her account. It is well known to psychiatrists and psychologists, but is overlooked by the average person. This is the use of water in connection with sexual relations of a dubious moral or legal nature. Although she does not use the word or even infer that she is aware, it is obvious that Billie realized that her relations with her father constituted incest. And certainly, the adult man would have known. But, throughout history, man has associated water with purification. It has been used in all the rituals of purification and dedication that humans have conceived, and it has become embedded in the mind of man as a symbol of purification.
This makes the "showering ritual" that Billie spoke of, very significant, for each of them, father and daughter, subconsciously felt unclean because of their relationship, and also because of the disease that had infected Billie's body, of which both were constantly reminded.
This showering and soaping allowed them to go to bed and have sexual relations with one another with a relatively clear conscience, for their feeling was that they had cleansed their bodies thoroughly, therefore, their spirit was clean.
And, finally, the antagonism of Billie's mother only drove the two closer in their need and their love. The pair had gone as far as they dared go, although both desired regular intercourse to a degree that was almost painful.
Let us hear Billie's account of the fulfillment of their sexual relationship with the purchase of the condoms by her father.
"We could hardly get through supper that night, we were so excited. I hardly dared look at dad, and he seemed extra nervous. Dinner time was always awkward for the three of us, with few words being exchanged, and the icy wall between my mother and my father and me. But we made it, and, at last, my mother had gone to church and we were alone.
"I felt like a bride, and I know that my father was as nervous and anxious as any bridegroom. And why not? In a way, it was like a wedding night. We were going to have regular, man-woman fucking for the first time! We had waited and wanted so long, I could hardly clear the dinner table and wash and stack the dishes. Dad helped me, and he kept touching my body with his hands, gently, as if he were worshiping me. He would bend and kiss my neck and ears and cheek, or run his hands gently through my golden hair. He was a perfect lover, eager, excited, but willing to build everything toward that wonderful moment when we would become , one-truly one-in our bodies!
"At last I was finished. He had gone into the bathroom and had started the water running, and when I walked in, after stripping naked, he was already in the shower. It was a nice big one, and he stepped back and held out his arms, and I stepped into them. As our mouths closed on each other's, we deliberately stood under the spray, letting the sharp streams of warm water play across our faces and run down over our bodies as they touched from head to foot.
"It was like stepping into paradise and finding the perfect man waiting with love in his whole body and heart, and we spent a long time in the shower that night, just loving the touch of each other's body as we soaped and washed.
"We spent a long time drying each other off, too; and then, at last, we walked into my bedroom. Dad had said in the shower that he wanted to have me in my bed, where she-my mother-had never been. He wanted it to be like a honeymoon, he had said.
"I got out one of the condoms and he took it out of the package. He explained to me how it should be put on, after he was good and stiff, saying, 'Just roll it on, darling, leaving a good inch at the end to allow for my semen when I come, so that it doesn't break. It will be the same as if we didn't have to use it, because it is thin, and you'll feel the heat of my penis so strongly that you will forget in a moment that I have it on."
"He laid down on the bed, and I crawled between his legs. I began by kissing and nibbling on his nipples, because I liked the way he squirmed and moaned when I did that. Meanwhile, I was using my fingernails on his stomach and his back, and I moved down on his body with my mouth, sticking my tongue into his navel, licking the line of hair that went from it down to his penis, digging my fingers into his ass cheeks, his thighs, making him writhe with pleasure as I thrilled him with my kisses and bites.
"His cock was stiff and ready long before I took it in my mouth, but I wanted to taste it, to feel it inside my mouth, in anticipation of feeling it inside my womanhood, at last. I wanted him to be completely and utterly ready, so that when I had him inside my cunt, he would have the most thrilling come he had ever in his life known!
"At last, he pushed me gently away and said, 'My darling, I can't wait-I want to put it inside your cunt-I want to fill it with my cock
-to thrill and excite you and give you a taste of heaven."
"I was wet inside my cunt so much that it was beginning to seep out, from wanting his cock inside me, and I took the condom and put it on his prick as he had told me to, leaving a good inch of it unfilled, hanging loose, at the tip. He watched me put it on, and the light in his eyes was different, softer than I'd ever seen. I could see pure love shining from them, and as I lay over on my back and spread my legs, I was trembling with excitement and desire.
"Dad took me in his arms, and we lay side by side, kissing with our mouths and our hearts, until I couldn't stand it any longer. 'Fuck me, daddy,' I begged. 'Please, put it in me and fuck me, please-'
"He rolled me onto my back and I spread my legs wide. I couldn't even remember ever having been fucked before. It was as if it was a whole new experience, and he was the first man to ever fuck me. I felt virginal and almost afraid-not that he would hurt me, but that I wouldn't be able to please him as I wanted to, totally.
"He crawled on top of me, lifting his body up so that he rested partially on his knees and partially on one elbow. He bent his head and our mouths locked in a deep kiss. With both hands, I spread the lips of my cunt, and he used his free hand to guide the head of his prick into my cunt. The second I felt it touch my clitoris, and slide on past to touch the inner walls, I knew that it was perfect! I knew that it was what I had always wanted and dreamed of.
"As his prick began to slide in and out, rubbing my clit, massaging the deeper well of my cunt, he let his weight down and reached around and grabbed both my ass cheeks in his hands. He began to drive it deeper and deeper, and all I could feel was his hot stiff cock making every fiber of my body come alive with love and desire. I arched my back to make it even closer, and he pulled me up to him until I knew that every last bit of his cock was inside me. I was numb with joy, and I began to mumble wildly as I nibbled his tongue, then played with it with my own, sucking it deep into my mouth, while he drove me to hysteria with his lovely cock, rubbing, digging, caressing the inner parts of my cunt!
"We both began to mutter at the same time, 'I'm coming, darling, I'm coming,' and then our bodies took command, setting up their own rapid rhythm as we approached the brink of fulfillment.
"When I came, and felt the tip end of the safety fill with his hot juices, I almost fainted from the joy it brought, not only to my body, but to my spirit and my soul! It was like nothing I had ever known. I was so filled with love for him that I wanted to keep him there inside me forever. I didn't care what people called what we were doing, to me it was perfect love that was making my body like a temple-a shrine of worship, dedicated to him!
"We couldn't stop to change condoms. We couldn't let each other go that long. Daddy just kept on pushing his cock in, gently at first, then, as our bodies caught fire, the tempo increased to a quicker, even better come than the first one!
"While he went into the bathroom and took off the condom and flushed it down the toilet, then washed off his cock in hot water, I just lay there, filled with something I had never known. My body felt as if it was on fire, yet it felt cool and clean, and I was as hungry for more of my daddy as I had been before we had started.
"When he came out, he lay beside me, his hands caressing my breasts, his mouth close to my ear, and he made passionate, wild love to me with words that I had never heard before-love words, sweet words, wild words that told me of the thrilling love that I had given to him with my body, and through my love for him.
"I slid down and began to suck his cock again; when it was hard, I put on another safety and crawled up on top of him. I squatted over his cock and he inserted it in my pussy, and then I sat down, resting my weight on my knees. I wanted to be able to look down and see that wonderful thing going into my cunt, and he helped by putting his hands on my hips and guiding me as I leaned forward until I could feel it deep inside me, then back, to create a different sensation altogether.
"All the while, I could watch his face, and his cock entering my cunt, and as I rose to climax, I kept murmuring over and over, 'I adore you, daddy, I worship you.' He kept smiling, and he pushed hard up against me, and as the fires of love flooded my body again in climax, I felt him come again, and my world was filled with bright happy feelings of love fulfilled!
"I laid down on top of him then, and we just held each other close, murmuring our love for each other, touching tenderly, kissing, and being in love.
"When my mother came home, we were both watching television, and when I went to bed that night, I was the happiest I had ever been. I had a lover. I was loved. Nothing in the world could ever hurt me now, I felt.
"But, of course, I was wrong.
"The way we felt about each other was bound to show, as hard as we tried to hide it. A secret that wonderful just has to reflect itself in the eyes and the smiles of lovers.
"And, to make it even more wonderful, I was finally cleared by the doctors and the board of health as cured! I could have daddy without any silly condoms, at last. That was the only thing that had even slightly spoiled our love-making, all these months, and now, we could have each other anyway at all, without any fears.
"One thing we had both wanted, but hadn't dared, was for daddy to kiss my pussy and make me come that way. I had longed for the touch of his soft lips and his tongue inside my cunt, and now, it was all right. We had talked of the day when we could have each other at the same time, that way-the sixty-nine position-and now that I was well again, a complete world of love-making had opened up to us.
"We were so in love. I suppose we were as bad as any teenage couple, although I didn't feel like a teenager at all. I felt like a grown, loved, lovely woman. Daddy made me feel that way, even when he looked at me. He began to buy me beautiful clothes, and some lovely underthings, just as any lover would for his love. My mother began to notice all this, and at first she didn't say anything-just sneered and grunted when I would appear in something new.
"I was told I could return to school, but I didn't want to go to the same one, so daddy arranged for me to transfer to another, where I wasn't known at all, and where I wouldn't have to face the cruelty of the kids who knew all about my escapade with the motorcycle gang, and my getting a disease.
"My mother had adopted a complete 'hands off attitude after a few nasty quarrels with my father over his buying so many things for me. But she was suspicious, and we should have known that she was plotting something. Daddy had told me that they had had absolutely no sex since the moment I had run away with Ken, and I knew it must be a torment for him to lie beside that cold-assed woman in bed, dreaming about me, hating the feel of her body next to his. But I didn't know what was building in her heart, or in his. All I knew was a world filled with love, and I couldn't even remember that there was such a thing as hate.
"As we became used to having full, sexual relations, both daddy and I discovered that one of the most thrilling diversions we could have, was anal intercourse. We "used to have it that way at least twice a week, and I think there was a special thrill to it, because it was the way that had opened up our love for each other. I know that when I felt his cock up my ass, and his fingers pinching and rubbing my clit, it was as good as when I felt his lips and tongue massaging and sucking it, and it was second in thrills only to having his cock inside me in regular intercourse.
"We were so in love, and so completely satisfied with our love, in all ways, that we must have acted more like a married couple than father and daughter-and certainly more like marrieds than my mother and father did. And that, in the long run, was what led us to tragedy.
"It happened this way. My father and I were at home, and she was supposed to have been at church. We were naked in bed, and daddy was licking my asshole, getting ready to have me in the ass, and we were so completely abandoned to each other and the joys that had taken over our bodies and our minds, that we wouldn't have heard a herd of elephants coming through the house.
"The first thing I knew, there she was, standing in the doorway, and a man was with her. He had a camera, and inside a minute, he must have snapped six or seven pictures of us. From that moment on, I don't know what happened-truly. I went into some kind of shock, not for any other reason except the big stab that came into my heart, that I was losing my one and only love-my daddy!
"It was a nightmare from there on. Inside fifteen minutes, the police were there, and we were like two lost kids who didn't know the score. All we had to offer to the whole goddamned, stinking world was the fact that we loved each other. We didn't ask their sympathy or their understanding, all we asked was that they leave us alone. But not that vicious bitch of a mother of mine. She couldn't give my daddy what he needed-a full, gentle, sexy and sweet love, and when she found that I could give it, and wanted to give it, she hurt me the only way she could, by hurting my father.
"It was ugly, and it is ugly now, knowing that he is in jail, on charges of statutory rape, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and a half-dozen other charges that she managed to dig up out of the musty, dusty records.
"The thing that bugs me about the whole deal is that nobody in this lousy world recognizes love when they see it. Why can't they see that I love my father, not as my father, but as the man that gave me all the love and thrills and satisfaction that I've ever dreamed of. Incest! What is incest, anyhow? A natural love that is in the heart of every daughter for every father, and in the heart of each mother and son. So, it goes beyond the rules that the goddamned world and the church and the sociologists lay down, and it automatically becomes dirty and sinful.
"Shit! Dirty? Sinful? The love I have for my daddy, and that he has for me? It's cleaner and more beautiful than any of the loves that I see in this stinking married world. We had all the free and uninhibited love that any man and woman could ever know, but because he happened to be my father, the world says it is all wrong, it is 'dirty' and sinful, when it was not like that at all, in any way.
"I don't know what will happen, really. I suppose that some day, daddy will be set free, and I will be allowed to go free when I am twenty-one. Tell me, please-will it be any different then? Will I know more about love at twenty-one than I do now? Will my father love me any less, or I him?
"It just doesn't make sense. Love is love, and age has nothing to do with it, any more than blood relationship. Why should it? Love is a natural thing that just happens between two people. You just don't go around and pick the one you're going to love, and when you happen to find love, your body doesn't tell you that it's wrong.
"If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change a thing."
Here we have seen the almost-perfect Electra complex. It was carried to its ultimate fulfillment, through sex relations between father and daughter, and, as Billie points out, that sex relation was based on love.
Yet, there were certain guilt feelings, because we have seen how the water seemed to cleanse her conscience, although she did not realize that she was undergoing this symbolic cleansing.
That Billie will become promiscuous in sex upon her release, is only a remote possibility, and if she does, chances are that it would be with older men. Case histories have shown consistently that when a young girl has good sex with an older man, she seems to hold that image when she marries or changes sex partners, and she will invariably choose another older man.
On the other hand, she may become bitter as she thinks about the terrible consequences of their acts of love, and do a complete about-face when she again is free to love. One thing is almost certain: whomever Billie chooses to have sex with, anal intercourse will be part of their sex relations, for she knows how it pleases most men, and will use it again to please, when she finds the man she loves.