Chapter 4
Twelve-Year-Old Ginger and Her Mother's Lover A!
"My mother is a whore. Maybe that's why I'm the way I am. She goes for everything in pants, with my old man, poor fool, never suspecting a thing. At least, I have good taste. I only take on the groovy ones.
"How did I get started? Would you believe I lost my virginity the same month I had my first period? It was just my twelfth birthday. "Dad was at work. He worked nearly all the time to keep up with the house payments and keep Mom and me in clothes. And Mom was out with Jerry, a character with a lot of bread who takes her to fancy bars during the daytime.
Well, along came Al. Mom had been seeing quite a bit of Al, too, but he didn't have the money to spend that Jerry had. He had other things going for him, though, as I found out.
"I'd played hooky from school that day and was trying on my gorgeous new housecoat when there came a knock at the door. I couldn't imagine who it was, but all of a sudden I wanted to make an appearance at the door in this long, flowing flimsy thing with nothing under it. I just thought it would be a gas to greet some Jehovah's Witness or the Fuller Brush man that way, so I went to the door.
"And of all people, it was Al, come to see my old lady, of course.
"'Hi there, Ginger,' he managed to blurt out, although he didn't conceal his surprise at seeing me this way. 'Is that really you?'
"'No, it's Pebbles Flintstone,' I said. 'Were you looking for anybody in particular? My father is out.'
"'Your mother....'
He stammered, as though he didn't know how much I knew.
"'She's out, too. So you're stuck with me. Why don't you come in?'
'"Might as well.' God, was he awkward! Of course, he was looking through the pale blue nylon of my housecoat where my nipples and belly button and what pubic hair I have showed through.
"He came in and I motioned for him to sit down on the couch. I stood up for a little while longer, to make sure he got the full effect of the housecoat.
"'Are you expecting your parents back soon?' he asked, so nice and proper.
"'You know very well Dad's gone till midnight. As for Mom, she said she'd be back at five, which means she probably won't be here before then. She's often a little late getting back. You know that as well as I do.'
"'You know quite a lot, don't you?' he said.
"'I know enough. So let's not play any silly games, okay?'
"Then I sat down on the couch beside him. Quite by accident, my housecoat came open, showing a lot of leg and a little thigh. I didn't bother to do anything about it. He was looking, naturally.
"Now Al isn't bad looking. Not at all. If I were Mom I'd pick him over Jerry anytime. I wasn't even sure which one of them Mom preferred. She seemed to reserve one for some moods and the other for different moods. And now and then she brings home some total stranger....
"I didn't mean it literally that she's a whore. She doesn't get paid for it. She just goes out with a lot of men and goes to bed with all of them. She even went to bed with Al once when I was supposed to be asleep in the next room! And then all this pretense, as though I didn't know what was going on. Really! And me practically a woman myself. , "Woman enough to turn a guy on, at least. And that's just what I was doing. I knew Al was getting ideas, sitting there on the couch next to me.
"Then I asked a stupid question. Sometimes I can't help but do babyish things. At least I know afterwards that I've done them.
"'Who is prettier, me or my mother?' I asked Al. Now, wasn't that dumb of me? No grown-up girl, no woman who's sure of herself, would come on like that.
"He hesitated. No matter which way he answered, there might be trouble ahead.
"'You're both beautiful, but in different ways,' he said after a while.
"I felt kind of silly for having asked that, but I admired him for getting out of it real cool. I even decided to continue the game, just for the heck of it.
"'Who's sexier?' I asked, and with that I untied the ribbon on my housecoat and let it fall away from me, exposing quite a bit of my bare body, which is a little underdeveloped, but quite nice really, all tanned and smooth.
"He didn't even bother to answer. He picked me up and put me in his lap, but not the way you do with a child.
"'To think of what I've been missing!' he said. 'Are you a virgin?'
"I sighed. Yes, I'm afraid I am. Isn't that a pity?'
"'Do you make a practice of torturing men like this?' he asked.
"'No, I've never done such a thing before in my life,' I said, and it was true. 'I don't know what has come over me today.' And here I faked a little bit of dramatic effect. Guys like to feel special, I know. 'I've had this terrible crush on you ever since you started seeing my mother. And I felt it should be me, not her. I'm single and she's not.'
"'That all sounds very reasonable. But you kept it a secret from me all this time.'
"This was my first chance to be alone with you,' I said with lots of expression.
"'Ah,' he said.
"About then he couldn't keep his hands still.. They were on my back and they began to wander around, down my spine, over my shoulders and closer to my breasts. I squirmed with pleasure. At last he was actually touching my breasts. And he hadn't even kissed me yet!
"The touch of his hands on my breasts was a wild, crazy thing that left me all trembling and feeling kind of weak. As he did it, I watched my nipples become all wrinkled and strange looking.
"I knew that something was going to happen, something more than just playing around. I heard his breath become heavier as he caressed me and his face showed that he wanted me. And I wasn't in the least nervous about it. I knew there'd be nothing difficult about it and probably it would be fun.
"Why didn't he kiss me? Isn't that the way love scenes always begin? Or do real men leave out stuff like that and get right down to the nitty-gritty?
"What he seemed most interested in doing was feeling me up. After playing with my breasts for a while, he got to work on my thighs in the same teasing sort of way. I kept my legs together until he started edging his fingers between them, forcing them apart. He still didn't touch my pussy, though, but kept on caressing the insides of my thighs. It was driving me out of my head.
"I wondered what he thought about my pussy, anyway. I've got the littlest patch of hair you ever saw, and if a guy liked fine and dainty things, well, then he'd like it. I know my mother's cunt is big and coarse-looking with a huge mass of hair; she never goes to much trouble to hide it.
"Finally his hands were creeping toward my pussy. I thought they'd never get there. I was dying to have him touch it. It was. hot already and when his fingers finally landed on it, I shivered all over. I'm sure he noticed, too, that it was all wet. I was ready, all right, ready for whatever he wanted to do.
"He spread the lips of my cunt and ran his fingers over the soft, wet spots. I looked at him and smiled, letting him know' I liked it. Then he tried getting a finger into my hole. It was a little tight, but, of course, his finger slid right in. I've had a couple of my fingers inside now and then, so I knew it would work.
"It really felt great, though, having somebody else's fingers up inside me. He slipped them in and out, as though to give me an idea of what I'd soon be getting. I could hardly wait.
"Finally he drew my face toward his and put his mouth against mine. It wasn't like the way boys kiss. He forced my mouth open, then plunged his tongue deep into me. It was really weird and it startled me for an instant, but suddenly it started me twisting and squirming in his arms. All the while his fingers were jerking in and out of my pussy, too. My heart pounded furiously and when we broke apart at last I thought I'd drop into a faint. It was too much.
"He stood up, still holding me in his arms, then deposited me on my back on the couch. I knew what he was about to do, of course, and that was get out of his clothes. I watched him unbutton his shirt and zip down his pants. He was in a terrific hurry to get on with it, and so was I.
"Finally he was standing before me, completely naked. His body was slender but with lots of nice muscles, not football player ones, more graceful ones. I really dug the way he looked. What really caught my attention was his cock. I'd never seen a hard one before, honest, and I had no idea they got so big.
"I guess he noticed how startled I was by it. 'Don't worry, sweetheart, we'll get it in,' he said very casually.
"I giggled. I liked the way he was so blunt about it.
"Soon he was crouched over me, rubbing his cock against the outside of my pussy, getting ready to put it in. All this, I thought, and he's only kissed me once! But I was ready now for the ultimate experience. I tried to make my hole bigger by opening my legs wide. He carefully positioned his cock at the edge of the opening, then pushed just a little, inching it in with great caution. I'd expected it to hurt, but it didn't. Not at all. In fact, it sent all sorts of wonderful sensations through me.
"'Oh, God' I groaned. 'It's great, really great!'
"He looked at me as though he wanted to make sure I really meant it. He let his cock remain still for a little while, either because he wanted me to have a chance to get used to it or because he was afraid of coming. But he took his hand and started playing with my clit, grabbing it between two fingers and rubbing it back and forth. That, combined with the feel of his huge prick inside me was fantastic. Then he slowly began to move his prick in and out and kept right on playing with my clit. It was more than I could stand.
"Really and truly, for the next few instants I didn't know what was happening. Something seemed to send my whole body into wild convulsions and my pussy, especially, clitoris, vagina and the rest of it, were all twitching wildly. Was it death? Was it some kind of electric shock from somewhere?
"It's funny, but I hadn't expected to come so soon and I hadn't expected coming to be like that. I hadn't really given much thought to it at all beforehand, and while it was happening I just wasn't capable of thinking rationally. To tell the truth, it was so violent it sort of scared me.
"I lay there, in a strange kind of dream world, as the pulsations became more and more faint, while he kept thrusting his cock into me. His face was flushed and his breathing was heavy.
"'What a fantastic lay you are,' he muttered.
"That was the last thing he said for a long time. He kept at it, piercing my weakened cunt with more vigor and force. I really didn't have much interest in it now, except that I kept my eyes open and watched the expression on his face become strained with ecstasy. At last his eyes were closed, and I knew that I didn't matter to him anymore, that the only thing that mattered was his prick pumping my tight, wet little cunt. Then he was gasping desperately.
"He moaned and his face got all screwed up like in pain. And at that point the thrust of his cock nearly tore me in two. I knew that he was coming and I watched every second of it, managing to suppress the little cry in my throat that arose from the violence of his thrusts. It really hurt, but I didn't mind. I was making him happy and that's what counted.
"I think he really had a great orgasm, too, but mine was really the big surprise. Afterwards we talked about it quite a lot. He couldn't believe that a virgin could come like that, the first time out. I could hardly believe it myself. I told him I'd saved up a dozen years for that one and I'd be twenty-four by the time I could do it again.
"He was very impressed with me, though. I know I hadn't performed like something out of The Sensuous Woman; I'd hardly done a damn thing. But what turned him on was the way I'd come. I guess it made him feel like a great lover. Anyway, he was back for more.
"I didn't always come as fantastically as I had that first time, but I nearly always came, sooner or later. Sometimes he'd eat my pussy and that just about always did it.
"We had difficulties with our affair, though. I was supposed to call him when my mother was out and several times we met that way. Once, however, he turned up quite by surprise when my mother was home. That really shook me up.
I wondered if he'd made a date with her or was showing up just to make her think he was still interested in her. They went out together in his car and I don't know what happened, but I can guess.
"I was really jealous. Mad, too. I vowed never to let Al touch me again. And somehow I wanted to get even with my mother, too, even though she didn't know what she was doing to me.
"And I soon had an opportunity to get even with her. She met a new man, Tony, a musician with dark wavy hair and the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. And she really dug him, I could tell. What's more, from the very beginning, I just knew Tony was interested in me. He was always telling me how good-looking I was, even in front of my mother, who was much too preoccupied with herself to pick up on what was happening.
"One day Tony called and asked if Mom was there. It just happened she was out and I said so.
"'Would you mind if I came over anyway'? he asked.
"'If you want to, great!' I told him.
"Minutes later, he was there, dressed to the teeth, and, would you believe-carrying a little yellow rosebud for me?
"'A present for you. But don't tell your mother, okay?'
"'Okay,' I said. 'But I'll have to put it in my room so she won't see it.'
"I dug into the kitchen cupboards and found a vase, filled it with water, and started for my room, carrying the rose. I wasn't at all surprised when Tony followed me.
"'When is your mother coming home?' he asked.
"I wasn't sure. 'God, I don't know. She usually gets here in time to make my dinner, like a good mother.' I said those last words sarcastically.
"This is pretty far from the rest of the house. D'you think we're safe here?'
"I shrugged. I really didn't know how safe was safe enough, but I didn't want to miss my chance with Tony.
"He was looking at me. Maybe he was trying to make up his mind. Those beautiful dark eyes seemed to go right through me. I'd already made up my mind, I knew I wanted him.
"I don't know which of us moved first, but an instant later we were in each other's arms. For some reason, I don't know why, I started to giggle. I was afraid he'd think this was awfully childish of me, but I think it turned him on. My body was shaking against his. And he started to laugh, too.
"'We've shared a secret for a long time, haven't we?' he said.
"'You knew, didn't you?' I murmured. 'And I knew. It's strange, isn't it?'
"'Please don't think I'm a child molester or anything like that. I just happen to go for you, in spite of everything, dig?'
"'Dig,' I said. 'By the way, I'm not a virgin,' I added.
"'I was pretty sure of that all along,' he said.
"Then he nuzzled his lips against my forehead and proceeded to give me little kisses around the eyes and ears. I grasped my arms around him tightly and stood on tiptoes so he could reach my mouth. Now we were really kissing, our two tongues swirling about together, our lips moving frantically. I could feel the familiar twinges of pleasure in my pussy and I ground my body against him. Next to my belly was his cock and it was hard already.
"I wished I'd been wearing something more sexy than blue jeans and a T-shirt, but we soon took care of that. We separated, panting desperately, and he grabbed my T-shirt and pulled it over my head. While he caressed my breasts gently, I unzipped my pants and let them fall to the floor.
"'Your turn,' I said. 'I want to see what you look like.'
"Quickly he got out of his body shirt and bell bottoms. The only thing that took a little while was his belt, but I helped him with that. I was dying to see him naked.
"He had a perfectly exquisite body. Slender, hair on the chest, and a good-sized cock which I took in my hands the instant I first saw it. I rubbed it gently for a few minutes, pulling the loose skin back and forth in a way I know men like. Then, without any warning at all, I got down on my knees, making him bend down just a little, too, and began to suck like crazy. I couldn't get the whole thing into my mouth, so I kept on using my hands, too, tugging and pulling. I really gave him a working over.
"'Whoever taught you this must have been an expert,' he said.
"I didn't stop to answer. I just kept on sucking and twirling my tongue around and pulling with my hands. I think I do a damn good blow job. I wonder if my mother does as well.
"Finally he begged me to stop. 'Let's save some for you,' he said, and I knew what he meant.
"I flopped down on my bed, right on top of the pink chenille spread, then in a flash of practicality slid my jeans under my bottom so the bedspread wouldn't get stained. I lay there in a spread-eagle position and he spent a minute or so just standing there and admiring me before he climbed on top.
"The first thing he did was kiss me passionately on the mouth again. I twisted and wiggled under him, hoping he'd put his cock in me. But he wasn't about to do that just yet. Instead he broke away from me and got down between my legs. He lifted my hips into the air so that my legs draped over his shoulders, then brought his mouth to my hot pussy.
"With the very tip of his tongue he began to flick my clit until I thought I'd go crazy.
"'It's too much!' I gasped breathlessly.
"Then, again using just the end of his tongue, he drew little circles around my opening, teasing me, and finally prodding his tongue inside just a little. My hips began to rotate and I moaned loudly. For a long time he just lapped at my cunt like somebody eating an ice-cream cone, sometimes touching my clit and sometimes my hole. I wiggled and squirmed against his mouth, letting him know that I wanted more and more.
"He then did something that was completely new to me. First he rubbed one of his fingers against my cunt, moistening it, then he slowly inserted it in my ass. I screamed out with utter delight. It was a strange thing, but I loved the way it felt. I had no idea my ass was so much like my pussy.
"Still licking my cunt, he finger-fucked my ass. It was wild. I was getting it everywhere at once. Finally it was my turn to plea for him to stop before I was really over the hill.
"So he crawled on top of me again and let me guide his prick into my hungry cunt. He lowered it into me slowly and his first motions were very gentle. Above me I could see that terribly handsome face and those eyes-oh, those eyes.
"'You're fucking me,' I said, in a kind of amazement.
"Yes, in a way I could hardly believe it, that this terribly handsome guy, my mother's lover, was fucking me and doing a tremendous job of it, too.
"'You're damn right I'm fucking you,' he said, just before covering my mouth with his.
"I was the one, I think, who started speeding it up. Under him my hips were swiveling expertly and I really knew how to use them by now. I wanted more. I wanted it to be wild and violent, not just gentle and sweet.
"His thrusts became more forceful.
"'Don't come too soon,' I warned him.
"I knew he was close to coming and although I was very hot, I still had a little way to go.
"An instant later, he wet one of his fingers in his mouth, then reached down and, like he'd done before, slipped it into my ass. It had felt great before, but now the sensation was incredible. My pussy was full of cock and now my ass was full, too.
"I ground against him furiously and he pumped his cock into me harder and harder. My whole cunt was on fire now. With every stroke, he sent wild sensations through my clit. Then suddenly he reached his finger into my ass as far as it would go.
"I guess that's what did it. For a brief instant, I knew that I was on the verge of coming and wanted to preserve that last glorious feeling just before it happens. Then both of us were grappling at each other madly and my cunt was exploding around his cock. My ass was pulsating, too. We clung to each other's shoulders fiercely while the rest of our bodies went totally out of control. He was coming, too, Of course. And for both of us it was great. We both moaned and I guess we both said things, but I'm not sure what. Finally we collapsed together and then we fell asleep.
"I woke up with a jolt when I heard my mother trampling around the house. Tony was dead to the world. I shook him furiously.
"'Get up. You've got to get out of here.'
"It took an awfully long time to get him roused. I was afraid my mother would come into the room and find him. It would serve her right, but I was afraid of what the consequences might be for me.
"At last Tony was awake enough to know where he was and what was going on. He started throwing on his clothes.
"`How am I going to get out of here?' he whispered.
"I pointed to the window. 'It's not far to the ground. Just watch out for the rosebush.' I kept my voice low, too.
"'Ginger!' It was my mother calling me.
"Scrambling for my clothes, I yelled, 'Just a minute.'
"So, without even a kiss of good-bye, Tony departed by way of the window. I finished dressing and hurried out to where my mother was sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee and smoking.
"She didn't even ask what I'd been doing or anything. She never did. Obviously she was trying to sober up enough to get some dinner. Her expensive pant-suit was impeccable, but her wig was a little messed and her makeup smeared.
"'Sometimes I think I should get out of these women's clubs,' she muttered.
"Did she really think I believed crap like that? I don't know. I waltzed about the kitchen and started dinner myself, feeling very superior and very happy indeed."
The case of Ginger presents another common characteristic of the Lolita syndrome. Ginger, quite obviously, considered herself a rival of her mother. Little is known about Ginger's father and her relationship with him. It would necessarily seem that she had insufficient contact with him.
A classic Freudian interpretation of Ginger's behavior would stress her need for a father and her hatred of her mother. However, a more precise interpretation demands a close look at Ginger's attitude toward her mother and, perhaps even more importantly, her attitude toward herself and her total self-concept.
Although taking an amoral attitude in her own sexual adventures, Ginger clearly believed that her mother's behavior was wrong. The differentiation she made, quite understandably, was that her mother was a married woman and she was not. She condemned her mother vigorously, calling her various names besides those quoted here.
Although her mother did not fit Ginger's idea of what a mother should be, she envied her in a sense, too. Her promiscuous behavior seemed to Ginger quite exciting, and the individual lovers her mother had sometimes held an appeal for Ginger as well. Ginger's attraction to these men, however, was less strong than her desire to compete with her mother and supplant her in various relationships. Often, when a real woman's attention would have been focused on the man she was with, Ginger would be thinking of her mother or making comparisons between herself and her mother. It is significant, too, that the only men who interested Ginger were her mother's lovers; she didn't seek out contemporaries as boyfriends nor did she try to acquire older male acquaintances on her own.
Ginger's home environment was not one which provided her with the means of developing normal self-confidence and self-assurance. As Dr. S. Coopersmith notes in his book on child development Antecedents of Self-Esteem, children who develop high self-esteem come from homes where mothers exhibit a considerable amount of nurturing yet maintain high standards for the children to adhere to. Ginger's mother provided neither. Preoccupied with her own social life, she neglected to provide very much mothering nor did she set any standards or goals for her daughter. She simply was not interested, and Ginger was well aware of this fact. To put it quite simply, Ginger, like many Lolitas, suffered from lack of love and attention in the home. In her sexual exploits she acted out her need for acceptance as well as her not entirely latent hostility toward her mother.
That is not to say that Ginger's sexual desires were less than real or that she recounted her experiences in a manner less than truthful. Ginger's craving for sex should be separated from her abnormal behavior. It is not unusual for girls at puberty to desire the sexual experience experienced by more mature persons. What is abnormal in Ginger's case is her using sex for purposes essentially nonsexual. Thus, although she derived sexual satisfaction from her encounters, she failed to attain anything which would serve her in a truly fulfilling way.
Another aspect of Ginger's neurotic impulses shows itself in this next episode. Paradoxical as it may seem, Ginger harbored a continuous desire to be caught while sexually involved with one of these men.
"How my father was dumb enough to believe the stories Mom made up I'll never know. Like the camping trip with Jess. To make it look good, she decided to take me along, telling me that Jess was 'a good friend.' What she told Dad was that we were going with another mother and daughter. He didn't seem to care one way or the other. I don't know what kept Dad going, working all the time the way he did and never getting a vacation. Of course, maybe he had his jollies, too.
"Jess I liked from the very beginning. He wasn't as wildly attractive as Tony or as Al, even; in fact, he was a little bit pudgy. But he was really nice. A sweet, well-meaning guy. He actually thought my mother was a widow! He was much too good for her.
"He liked me, I knew, except that he treated me like a kid and didn't really understand me at first. He'd bring me candy and stuffed animals and things like that. I do like stuffed animals, I'll admit, but I don't like people to know that I do.
"On the camping trip we got to know each other a lot better. One day my mother decided to stay on her cot and take a sunbath while we went for a hike. It never occurred to me that any-thing would happen, but I was hoping, just the same.
"As we walked along, he took the trouble to tell me which kind of tree is which and where the eagles' nests were and all sorts of things. I'm not usually a nature freak, but I was having a good time living out of doors, and besides, he made everything so interesting. He was one of those people who forget about themselves and devote their attention to things around them and to other people, too.
"He wanted to know more about me, how it felt not to have a father and stuff like that. I started keeping up the lie my mother had told him, but finally I felt just too cheap doing it. I broke down and told him the whole awful story, what my mother was like and how my father worked all the time and how I was left all alone.
"He was shocked and disturbed by all this. The next thing I knew he took me in his arms as though to comfort me. But once our two bodies were close together something happened, some spark lit up. He became aware of me as a woman instead of a child and I became aware of him as a man who could be more than just a friend.
"Our first kiss was soft and tender. Our lips met and parted, but there was nothing more to it than that. I noticed, though, that he was breathing heavily and so I knew he was excited. I held my arms around him tightly and wiggled up against him. I think he wanted to resist but couldn't help himself.
"The next time he kissed me our tongues were entwined and our breath intermingled. I pressed my whole body against him and his hands roved over my back. There was a kind of desperation about the whole thing.
"Finally he pulled away.
"'No, I mustn't do this,' he declared. 'Let's go back.'
"And, just like that, he started walking. On the way back I told him more about me, about my experiences with men, in particular. He agreed with me that I was very grown-up for my age. I think he was beginning to see me in a different light.
"Back at camp my mother was fast asleep on her cot. I headed for the tent and Jess followed me. I just supposed he was going to get something out of his luggage. But when we were close together in the darkened tent, he suddenly threw his arms around me and pulled me tight against him. His mouth searched hungrily for mine, then he was kissing me wildly, thrusting his tongue between my teeth and pressing his lips against mine so hard I thought he'd draw blood.
"So he hadn't been able to resist me, after all. I was pleased, very pleased indeed. He wasn't as much of a turn-on as the others had been, but it was awfully exciting to have him making advances while my mother was just a few feet away.
"I wasn't sure at first how far it would go, but soon he was grabbing at my sweatshirt and taking my clothes off with breakneck speed, as though he wanted to go ahead with it before he changed his mind. I really wasn't used to this rough kind of treatment, but I dug it. I've always wondered what it would be like to be raped. And it was incredible, this sweet, nice guy behaving like a sex maniac. All because of me.
"He didn't even bother to get my slacks the whole way off because my boots were in the way. So my feet were kind of locked together. I didn't know yet how we'd manage.
"He wasted no time with gentle, tender caresses. He didn't even seem to want to eat my pussy, although he did give it a good, vigorous feel. I was hot, but in a different way than ever before. I wasn't being made love to, I was being taken. And at any minute my mother might find out!
"He pushed me down on my back and shoved my legs up to my shoulders, bending my knees so that my pussy was open. Then he unzipped his fly, and without taking his pants off, crouched next to my bottom. He was on his knees, bending over me slightly. In the dim light of the tent, I could see a strange expression on his face, a look that made me think of cruelty. Why I wasn't afraid then, I don't know. He was a changed person. What do you call it, a split personality?
"Without uttering a word he thrust his cock into me and began a rapid, forceful motion that shook me all over. Something about this position made my ass hot, too, and I could feel his balls jiggling against it.
"There was something terribly animal-like about it, terribly fierce. And although I lay perfectly still, I felt like a wild animal myself. It seemed as though his cock was touching parts of my cunt that had never been touched before. Certainly nobody had ever pierced it so deeply. His cock was like a knife tearing into me.
"Yes, it hurt just a little and at the same time it felt really great. Even the hurting excited me. In a way, this was the best time ever.
"For a long time I was on the brink of coming, my cunt clasping his cock tightly, every nerve in my body on edge. I stifled the little cry that rose in my throat.
"Then he began fucking me at an incredible speed, vibrating inside me with short, rapid strokes. And then I did cry out.
"He put his hand over my mouth and kept on fucking me while my whole body went into a convulsion, my cunt gripping furiously at his cock, pulsating against it violently. I really think he hadn't expected such a thing to happen, but I wasn't thinking about him at all just then. I was totally lost in the enjoyment of the unbelievable things that were happening to my body and especially my cunt, the twitching, the writhing, the great release of energy. God, there's nothing in the world like coming.
"With a plunge of his cock that seemed to rip clear through me, he was finished. It was violent all right, but it was so sudden, almost instantaneous. I don't think he'd got as much fun out of coming as I had.
"He took out his cock, and the sticky stuff he'd deposited in me ran down around my buttocks. I was too exhausted, too far gone to get up or do anything.
"Jess zipped up his pants and walked out of the tent without saying a word. Then I could hear him talking to my mother outside, just as though nothing had happened. I was tempted to lie there, my bare cunt exposed and dripping until my mother came into the tent. That would show her, all right. But finally I got up and cleaned myself with tissue and changed clothes.
"We toasted hot dogs around the fire that night and Jess was as jovial as ever. And the rest of the time we were together, he never once mentioned what had happened, much less tried it again. Maybe he'd had amnesia as far as this was concerned. Maybe he really is a madman, a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde sort of character. As for me, though, I didn't forget the experience and it even made the rest of the trip more fun, to think that once more I'd fooled my silly, dumb mother and had one of her men."
What this last episode reveals is Ginger's masochistic desire to be caught in one of her sexual exploits by none other than her rival, her mother. Although Ginger achieved real sexual satisfaction, her overwhelming desire was to have her mother find her out. If this had ever happened, it might have been a kind of triumph for Ginger, but other complications, of course, would have ensued as well.
This episode shows other aspects of Ginger's masochism, too, in fact, a kind of desire for pain during the sexual experience. The fact that many women, for various reasons, want to be raped was first elucidated by Freud and has been confirmed by numerous later authorities. In Ginger's particular case, the desire for pain fits into the total picture of her neurotic, self-effacing personality.
Ginger's affairs with her mother's lovers went on for some time. When she was fifteen, however, her father decided he wanted a divorce. As it turned out, he'd suspected his wife's infidelities all along, but didn't take any drastic steps until he himself had met a woman he fell in love with and wanted to marry.
A custody case followed, with the result that Ginger was awarded to her father. Aware of the possibility that the last few years Ginger lived with her mother might have had some emotional effect on the girl, the father insisted that she receive counseling. She was sent to a private social agency, from which these accounts of her experience are drawn.
Ginger's adjustment to living with her father, whom she scarcely knew, and a stepmother, was slow, as might be expected. However, this new environment was sufficiently supportive and no further instances of deviant behavior occurred. Instead of seducing more adult males, she settled down to normal dating and finally became sexually involved with a young college man, only a few years older than she was. Thus, in spite of her sexual precociousness, Ginger was not a confirmed Lolita. Her behavior was the result of the relationship she had with her mother and the hostility she bore toward her. Removed from this situation, she was able to assume the more commonly expected role of a teenager today.