Chapter 2
Eleven-Year-Old Tami and Her Stepfather Hank
"As long as I live, I'll never forget the sight of Hank's bare cock-the first one I'd ever seen-all swollen and full of odd little veins and edged with dark, kinky hair. I'd never even imagined what one would look like.
"And somehow I really hadn't expected this to happen. He had me pinned down on the bed and at first I thought he was going to rape me. But he didn't even bother to take off my clothes. He just took down his pants and lowered his cock over my face. I squirmed and tried to get away, but his hold on me was too strong.
"'Suck it, you little tease. Suck me off.' His voice was harsh and gruff.
"I resisted until he pried my mouth open, all the while holding me down with the other hand. Then he shoved his cock inside. I thought I'd choke. I thought I'd faint from shock, too, because Hank just happens to be my mother's husband, my stepfather!
"Why did he call me a little tease, what did I do? Well, I suppose I might as well tell the whole story. I did a lot of things actually, but I never bothered to add them up in my mind. I never expected things to turn out the way they did.
"Mom and I had been alone for a long time when she finally met Hank. My father had stepped out on us when I was a tiny baby and my mother went to work to support us. She never went out much with men. She seemed to think that it was more important for her to be home with me, teaching me how to sew or helping me with my homework and stuff like that. She seemed to try so hard to make it up to me for not having a father. I think that when she did go out, she felt guilty about it.
"Hank is a pretty forceful kind of guy and when he came along everything changed. I sensed that he was sort of pushing himself on my mother, almost against her will, but in a way she couldn't resist. My mother isn't too pretty and she's not getting any younger, so she fell for him and let him take over our lives.
When she'd tell him she'd rather be with me than go out he'd say, 'Bring the kid along,' and she'd agree.
"In just weeks after they'd met, Mom and Hank got married and we all went to live at his house, which has a lot more room than our apartment but isn't as modern or pretty. Mom was awfully concerned about me. She even said once she wouldn't marry Hank unless she was sure it would make me happy, too.
"It's hard to put into words how I felt about Hank in the beginning. I kind of resented the way he was suddenly in command of everything, I'll admit. But I was conned by him, just as my mother was. He was really a kind of middle-aged prince charming, very good looking, fun to be with, and always thinking of great things to do like go on picnics or camping or have dinner out. Mom and I had led a pretty quiet life together and he taught us how to relax and have fun. Yes, I liked him and liked having him around.
"I was eleven when Hank and Mom got married and I'd just started having my periods. But, really, I didn't consider myself old enough to have sex or anything like that. Of course, I thought about sex quite a bit and talked about it with my girl friends, but it all seemed to be something that was part of the future. Naturally, I looked forward to it the way all the other girls did.
"Honestly, sex didn't seem to enter into what happened between Hank and me. I guess that shows how dumb I was.
"From the very beginning Hank and I spent a lot of time together. Instead of helping me with my homework and stuff like that, though, we did things that were more fun.
"Now that I think of it, we touched each other a lot. We'd do things like hide from each other in the big house, then when one discovered the other, we'd hug as though we were greeting each other after a long trip. We even did this when my mother was around and she seemed to think it was very sweet.
"Then once we had a tickling battle. I know that sounds awfully childish or else awfully suspicious, but, nevertheless, it happened. I guess I started it when I told him I wasn't ticklish.
"'I'll bet I can make you laugh,' he said.
"'I'll bet you can't,' I told him, 'and I'll bet I can make you laugh.'
"'Okay, whoever laughs first loses,' he said.
"So we were tickling each other. I tried to get under his arms but he kept them glued to his sides, so all I could reach was his chest. I kept my arms tight against me, too, and his hands couldn't help grazing my breasts, which were pretty well developed. Anyway, this made me giggle, I lost and we hugged and made up. I never gave it a second thought. It was fun, sure, but it seemed so innocent. After all, this man was my stepfather. Shouldn't he be allowed to touch me practically anywhere?
"What should have put me wise, though, was the time we wrestled. Mom was at work when this happened. And I started it. I just wanted to test my strength, or that's all it seemed to be at the time. Now that I think of it, though, what I did feel then and during the tickling battle was something like sexual excitement, only I didn't know it. It's also like the feeling you get in sports sometimes, when you're using different parts of your body.
"Anyway, I snuck up behind Hank and reached up, grabbing him around the chest, as though I expected to be able to toss him over my shoulder. Of course, all I expected was to jolt his balance a little and I hoped I might be able to make his feet leave the floor for an instant. I'm pretty strong for a girl and I'm proud of it, too.
"He whipped around fast as could be and grabbed me by the waist. Then he hoisted me into the air.
"'Let's Wrestle,' I said.
"'Sure you want to, with a big man like me?' he asked, grinning.
"'Sure,' I said.
"Before I knew what was happening we were on the floor. He was careful not to hurt me, but he did do some pretty weird things. He didn't use any of the standard wrestling holds I know of. Instead, he kept moving my legs into funny positions. Once he spread them as far apart as he could and I'm sure he could see my panties because he was standing up at the time. Also, he took my legs and wrapped them around his waist while he bent over me.
"One thing I'll have to confess. I wasn't resisting all this as well as I could have. It was fun in an odd sort of way. Now I know it was pure sex. In another minute he'd have started something if the telephone hadn't started ringing. He was on the phone for quite a while and I went out to the kitchen to get some work done to help out Mom.
"But the only thing that entered my stupid mind was, how nice it was to have a father. Now that I think of it, I was experiencing a desire for sex for the first time in my life and just didn't recognize it for what it was. And I guess I was guilty of putting ideas in his head. I'm not so sure, though, that the ideas weren't there to begin with. I know I acted foolishly, but I'm not going to put all the blame on myself. If I had a desire for him without realizing it, he had a desire for me, too, and he must have known it because he was a grown-up man. Maybe I did tease him, but he was the one who held me down on the bed and stuck his cock in my mouth, then did all the other things that happened later.
"That first time when he made me suck his cock,, all I did was come out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me. As I passed the door to the bedroom where he was watching TV, I looked inside and waved to him. That was all. Honest. I just did it to be friendly.
"What I didn't think of was the way the towel was draped really revealed my figure and let most of my legs show. Sure, I knew I could look sexy; often I'd stood in front of the mirror and admired myself. But I didn't think my own stepfather would find me sexy. I thought he loved me like a daughter.
"My whole life was wrecked in those next few minutes. He jumped up off the bed and ran into the hall, where he grabbed me.
"'You teasing bitch,' he said.
"At first I thought he was just being playful, the way he usually was. But there was a tone in his voice that had never been there before. I was scared, though I didn't know what it was I was scared of.
"'You've been asking for it. Well, I'll give you something you never asked for and see how you like it.'
"I had no idea what he was talking about until he had me down on the bed and was pointing his cock into my mouth. I didn't know there was a kind of sex like that. I knew about intercourse, but that was all.
"The sight of his cock was quite a shock, too, but to tell the truth it didn't repel me. It sort of overwhelmed me, though, being so big and so powerful looking.
"When he finally got my mouth open, he shoved his cock in, way in. At this point I was utterly horrified. I couldn't speak, of course, and the screams I tried to let out became nothing but little gurgles in my throat. I kept thinking, God, save me! God, save me from this!
"Much to my surprise, it didn't make me throw up or even gag. I lay there, with tears running down my cheeks now, as he began plunging it in and out. This I knew to be the motion of sex, only I'd never dreamed it could be done this way. In fact, for all I knew, Hank was subjecting me to something that had never been done before.
"I won't say that I enjoyed it, that first time, but as Hank continued to pump his cock in and out of my mouth, I stopped thinking of him as my stepfather. I sort of pretended he was someone else, someone I didn't really know. You see, it was so horrible to think of my stepfather doing this to me, I had to push that thought out of my mind.
"Yet I hated him at the same time. Hated him for making me do this awful thing. Really, I felt nothing like sexual excitement. This was so peculiar. After all, I'd always thought one uses one's genitals for sex and one's mouth for eating. Also the gruesome thought occurred to me that this is where he urinates and I might get some awful infection or something.
"I endured it somehow. He positioned my lips around my teeth to make them more like a cunt, I suppose, and he told me not to bite. It's funny, but the thought hadn't occurred to me. I could have bit him or punched him in the balls and really done him in. But I didn't. I suppose that's funny, but I was too stunned to fight back in any of the obvious ways.
"It went on and on. My jaws seemed to be paralyzed from keeping my mouth open so long. Now and then I caught a glimpse of his face and I could tell that he was really enjoying it. And I'll confess I liked the idea that he was getting kicks out of it, I guess because, deep down inside, it made me feel like a real woman for the very first time in my life. Of course, I wasn't quite ready to admit that just then, but later it dawned on me. Even though I wasn't aroused myself, I was pleased with myself for having aroused a man and being able to give him enjoyment in a sexual way.
"Finally he got my head into motion. Really, I didn't want to do this, but he wanted me to and so I did. He put his hand under my head and started moving it up and down.
"'Suck, baby, suck,' he commanded.
"It wasn't hard to figure out what he meant by that and so I was sucking, gripping his cock in my mouth and pulling it in, further and further. Not that I wanted to, really. But some-how, I couldn't help doing what he said. It's really weird how these things can happen when you don't want them to and yet they happen. Every time I read in the newspaper about somebody being raped, I know what really went on. You don't want to do it and yet you can't help yourself.
"It entered my mind that I was really lucky that he hadn't tried to fuck me because that could have made me pregnant, while this peculiar act was at least safe. So I sucked and sucked, now and then wondering What the end would be like and wondering when it would be.
"I guessed that the end was not faraway when he started to shove it into me faster and faster and my head couldn't keep up with the motions. I just lay there and, after a little while, began to hold my breath. When I looked up at him, I saw that his eyes were closed.
"Then it happened. He plunged the damn thing so far into my throat I almost did gag and kept on with swift little strokes. My mouth was rapidly filling with a funny, fishy, salty-tasting stuff and I knew what it was, only I'd expected it to be more of a liquid, not so thick. I could feel his cock convulsing as it spurted out.
"Now I was sure I was going to choke. He kept his cock in my mouth, so I couldn't swallow the way I normally do. And my mouth was about as full as it could get. I was dying to spit it out, but I couldn't do that either.
"Finally he pulled his cock out. 'Swallow,' he said. 'It won't hurt you.'
"I did and I was surprised that it sort of tasted good as I did so. It's odd, but I was no longer so disgusted about the whole thing. I'd made him come and I felt proud of myself for that.
"Hank lay back on the bed, exhausted and tired from it all.
"Tami,' he said, now in a soft voice, "you must never tell your mother about this, or anyone else. Do you understand?'
"I was silent for a moment, for I suddenly realized that it would kill my mother if she knew. And I was beginning to realize, too, that anybody who found out would realize that it was just as much my fault or almost as much my fault, at least.
"'I won't tell,' I promised solemnly.
"That's all I said. Then I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and used Listerine. A few minutes later I was on my bed, sobbing like crazy. Oh, why did it have to happen? Why didn't I realize what I was doing all this time?
"At dinner that night Hank was joking and happy, just like he always is, while I was kind of quiet. My mother asked me later if anything was wrong, but I told her no, that I was just feeling moody. She seemed to accept that.
"Oddly enough, Hank and Mom went to bed early that night, very early. When they do that, I always know they're having sex. But tonight it made me feel very strange. Not jealous, but more sorrowful because my mother loved this man and didn't know how awful he really was.
"At about this time my mother got the big idea that I should start calling Hank 'Daddy.' She even told me that she thought it would make him feel appreciated and all that. I actually tried it once or twice, at the table or when we were all together in the living room, but I soon lapsed back into calling him 'Hank.' I got a creepy feeling every time I called him 'Daddy.' I couldn't help remembering that he'd done something no Daddy should do.
"From then on I made arrangements to be away from the house most of the time when my mother was working and Hank wasn't. It was summer and I was home from school on vacation and Mom worked a regular day, but Hank worked kind of off and on. I'd go visit my girl friends, or sometimes I'd go to the public library, which is a big drag, or I'd just go out and wander around stores looking at things and pretending I really wanted to buy something.
"One day, though, I got back from downtown and found Hank at home when I hadn't expected him to be there. I tried to think of some excuse to get out of the house again, but nothing popped into my mind. Also, since I hadn't seen him alone since the terrible thing happened, I was hoping we'd make up and be friends again. I was far too unhappy with things the way they were.
"He took me aside in the living room, beckoning me to sit down on the couch with him, and I hoped for the best. And he was so smooth, so cool. Now that I think of it, I'll bet he practiced every line in his mind. But I was unsuspecting, still ready to expect him to be decent. Why, I don't know. By now I should have been wiser.
"`Honey,' he began so calmly, so sweetly, 'I know you were upset about what happened. You must understand, a man has certain drives....'
"'I'm willing to forget about it if you are,' I offered.
"'I lost my head. I just couldn't help myself. You were so beautiful, so desirable. I didn't intend it to happen. I just got carried away.'
"Then can everything be the same as before? We'll just pretend it never happened,' I said.
"'Oh, God,' he moaned, 'if it Only could be the same as before. But it can't. Don't you know that? It can't.'
"'What do you mean?' I asked him.
"Tami, it's you I love. It's you who turns me on. When I make love to your mother, it's you I'm thinking of.'
"That made me feel terrible and confused, all at once, and I got up and started walking away. He grabbed me, though, and brought me back to the couch.
"Tami,' he said softly, 'sometimes strange things happen to people. Sometimes they love other people they shouldn't, but they can't help it.'
"By now he'd started running his hands softly over my shoulders and my arms. Was it that which brought the blush of excitement over me or was it the magic word love? I don't know what happened inside me, but I was being convinced by him that sometimes strange things happen to people and they can't help it.
"'Our love is not going to be easy,' he went on. 'For your mother's sake, we must both live a lie. And we both love her, too, so we mustn't hurt her. But we can't help ourselves.'
"I didn't protest. Suddenly his mouth was on mine, twisting against my lips, prying them open. That kiss was the end of me as an intelligent, sane person. I began to shake and tremble with desire. This man wanted me, loved me. And my body couldn't help but respond. I knew that it was all wrong, terribly wrong, but I couldn't help myself.
"He pulled me tight against him and our bodies were writhing together in a slow sensuous rhythm that was a preview of what was to come, or so I thought. It kept going through my mind that soon I wouldn't be a virgin anymore. I'd be a complete, fulfilled woman and I liked the idea of that.
"I kissed him back, pressing my lips against his and twisting them passionately, finally opening my mouth so that our two tongues could rub against each other. When we separated we were both panting, but I think I was panting even harder than he was.
"Never before in my life had I felt this way, so helpless and uncontrollable, completely at the mercy of lust. Somehow the fact that it was forbidden made my desire even stronger. I knew that I was committing a sin that was doubly wrong and there was no way I could help myself. The thinking part of my mind had been overcome by the urges of my body. I'd never realized that those urges could be so strong.
"I was on fire all over. Everyplace he touched me-my back, my arms, and finally my breasts-I couldn't help but respond. I was sensitive everywhere, it seemed.
"What he did was nothing like before. He was very gentle; his touches were soft. He drew circles around one of my breasts with his hand, then cupped as much of it in his hand as he could. I was proud of how big my breasts were and pleased that he liked them. Soon he unbuttoned my blouse and dug inside my bra. His touch against the bare flesh was the most fantastic thing that had happened yet, though I knew there was to be more.
"At last he undressed me completely, then held me in front of him to admire my nude body, which is every bit as shapely as a grown woman's.
"'You're not really a child,' he muttered. 'God, what a turn-on you are.'
"Then he pulled me to him and took one of my nipples in his mouth and sucked it like a baby. I wiggled and squirmed as he did this, finally reaching out and stroking his neck just below the hairline. How handsome he was, my forbidden lover, and how strong and everything else, everything a girl could wish for in a man. If only he weren't....
But I pushed the depressing thought out of my mind.
"I was on the couch, my knees between his legs as he played with my breasts. Then, burying his head between the two of them, he reached down to my thighs and began to caress them in the most sensuous way possible. His hands ran over them very gently, and every now and then drifted toward the inside part or reached upward. I was dying for him to get to my cunt, but he was in no hurry.
"Finally I changed position so that my legs were apart. Still he kept teasing me, reaching for it with his hands then pulling away. But finally, he just grabbed it, that is, he put his whole hand over my pussy and began to rub it.
"'That's what you want, isn't it, Tami? That's what you want me to do,' he said in a low voice.
"I didn't answer. I just began moving my cunt against his hand. Soon he took his fingers and opened the lips, finally touching the wet, sensitive parts inside. I didn't know as yet where I was most sensitive; the whole thing was burning hot.
"'So tiny ... so nice,' he muttered.
"I supposed it was tiny, since it had never been used or even played with. I sensed that he was more turned on by the idea that I was just a little girl than by the fact that I looked like a much older girl. That seemed kind of peculiar, but I didn't stop to think about it. Not then, anyway.
"He seemed awfully curious to know what my pussy was like and when he'd spread it open, he bent his head down so that he could look it over. He drew the lips back as far as he could to see everything. Then he took one finger and searched for the hole, which wasn't too hard to find. Still looking at me and grinning with the excitement of it all, he pushed that finger into me. I was surprised at how easily it slipped inside. The way it felt, though, was incredible. God, how I wanted to get fucked. I thought of his cock and wondered what it would feel like in me.
"He lay me down on the couch and I thought, Now, now it's really going to happen. But instead he kept caressing my cunt with his fingers, teasing me again. He'd reach for my clitoris, then draw his hand away. He ran his fingers all around, carefully avoiding my clitoris and my hole and my ass, driving me utterly wild. I squirmed and moaned.
"Then he did a weird thing. He put one of his fingers in his mouth to get it wet, then stuck it up my ass. I had no idea people do such things, but God, it felt terrific, almost the same as when his finger was in my cunt. He began to move it in and out in a sort of fucking motion, and I loved it. What he did next made me feel even better. He took the other hand, and with his fingertips flicked the end of my clitoris. I knew that it was bulging and erect. I'd never known, though, how awfully sensitive it could be. I almost begged him to stop when he took two fingers and grasped my clit between them and started a rotating kind of motion.
"I couldn't believe it, how these weird things got me so trembly and hot. He kept pumping his finger in my ass and massaging my clitoris, making it reach out in all directions. He even pretended as though he was going to make it go into my vagina, but of course it wouldn't stretch that far. When is he ever going to fuck me? I wondered.
"All at once, he brought his face down and rested it on my stomach and increased the rhythm of the things he was doing with his hands. About now I stopped thinking about fucking, stopped thinking of everything, in fact. An instant later, still churning away with his hands, he brought his tongue into contact with my clit.
"I guess that's what did it. All of a sudden I was throbbing as I'd never believed possible. There seemed to be an enormous heartbeat in my pussy, a fantastic pounding. And with it I could feel every inch of my pussy twitching and convulsing, doing all sorts of strange things by itself. As this was going on, he took a finger or two and shoved them into my cunt, moving them in and out as I kept trying to pull them into me deeper and deeper.
"Well, I hadn't been fucked, but I had come, all right. Now that I think of it, it was probably all part of a carefully thought-out scheme of his. If he'd fucked me, I might not have had an orgasm, since a lot of girls don't the first time. He did everything possible to make sure that I'd come, and now that he'd accomplished it, I was in his power. Of course, I wasn't aware of all that at the time.
"I lay there, exhausted and panting, mystified at what it had been like, and a little sorry that I hadn't got fucked after all. He grinned down at me.
"'You liked it, didn't you? You loved it. I knew you would. We're going to have a great time, you and me.' "
It is difficult to believe, in considering Tami's own presentation of the facts, that she was indeed so innocent as she claimed to have been. Yet it is altogether possible that she did not stop to think about what the outcome of her actions might be. She somehow thought that she could get away with behavior that was, on the surface, at least, just playful.
What neither Tami nor her mother knew was that Hank happened to be one of those men who have more than a normal desire for young girls. It was never ascertained whether or not he might have married Tami's mother while harboring intentions toward Tami all along. Such cases are frequent, of course. But so too are cases where the man is first attracted to the mother, but later begins to see the daughter as a sexual object-a pristine replica of his more mature sex partner.
Of more interest here, though, is the case of Tami herself and the factors in her background which presage what happened. That is not to say that Tami was more responsible than Hank for what occurred. Their involvement could best be considered as the result of various intervening circumstances. Yet Tami, had her personality and her self-concept been different, might have been able to alter those circumstances and thus prevent this series of experiences.
It is obvious that Tami led quite a sheltered life as the daughter of an overprotective, highly nurturing mother. As Coopersmith and other researchers have found, the overprotective parent figure often prevents the child from developing self-confidence and self-esteem. Tami, though quick to call attention to the size of her breasts or her athletic strength and abilities, demonstrated an overall lack of confidence.
This factor, combined with her premature physical development, made her ripe for attention of a sexual nature. Her seeming innocence about sex is actually a protective coloring given to urges which, though she did not totally understand them, she endeavored to repress and pretend to be nonexistent.
Throughout Tami's account of these sexual adventures, there is an ambivalence toward what is happening. In a way, she is enjoying it and in a way, she isn't. And she constantly "pretends" that things are somehow different from the way they really are. By filtering her experiences through her defense mechanisms of fantasy, she encouraged this unwholesome relationship to continue and became romantically involved with a man who was to lead her to severe trauma. Had Tami been more assertive of her role as "daughter" in relation to Hank, all this might never have occurred. Also, had Tami's mother been a more aware and astute observer of human behavior, she might have recognized the subtle indications of what was happening. As luck would have it, though, nothing occurred to prevent the sequence of events which was to follow.
"That day after I came for the first time, I began to change. I started to trust Hank more and more. And I went out of my way to deceive my mother. Even the very evening after it happened, I came down to dinner all full of smiles and ready to laugh at Hank's jokes. I had to act as though everything was perfectly normal.
"And I started to convince myself that somehow, in some strange way, it wasn't really wrong. I told myself that we loved each other and so it had to be this way. All along, though, I felt like the heroine of a very sad love story.
"I couldn't wait to be alone with Hank again. I felt as though I'd been cheated out of something because he hadn't really fucked me yet. I was dying for it and I could tell by little glances that he gave me now and then that he was waiting for the opportunity.
"I hoped, of course, that he'd take precautions. This fear was on my mind for the next few days. It would really be awful if I got pregnant.
"At last we had our chance. My mother was at work and Hank was having a day off. I woke up early in the morning, but didn't come downstairs because I didn't want to see my mother. Seeing her would have made me all mixed up inside, for I just knew that today was the day it was going to happen.
"Hank slept in. I peeked into the bedroom several times during the morning and he was fast asleep. It made me a little mad that he hadn't woken up the way I did, all hot and ready for it. I went back to my room and played with myself a little. I realized that I could even make myself come by touching all the right places the way Hank did, but I wanted to save it.
"After putting my hand inside my panties for about the third time. I couldn't stand it any longer. I went into the bedroom and bent over Hank, who was still fast asleep. Then I took off all my clothes and crawled under the covers with him.
"I reached out to him and began to snuggle up next to him with my arms around him. He groaned, but he still didn't wake up. So I became very daring. I took my hand and touched his cock inside his pajamas. It was hard! He must have been dreaming about me, I thought.
"I began stroking his cock gently. He purred as though he liked it, but kept on sleeping for a few moments longer. Finally he opened his eyes and saw me there on the pillow next to him. He didn't even seem surprised. He just smiled.
"'Keep going, Tami,' he said, "keep going.'
"I did for a little while, and then I said, 'What about something for me?'
"He stretched out his hands, and for the first time, I think, he realized I was completely naked.
"'You gorgeous little creature,' he said. 'I think you're ready to get fucked. How about it?'
"I was a little surprised at his being so blunt about it and not saying anything about love, so I hesitated in answering.
"He went on, 'What you really need is a big old cock in your pussy. You'd love it. I know you would.'
"His being so frank made me a little shy. But I didn't want to discourage him. 'I want you to make love to me,' I said.
"'That's just what I'll do, Tami,' he told me.
"Suddenly his hands were roaming all over my bare body, wandering from my breasts to my thighs and finally to my pussy. When he reached his hand into the tender spot between my legs, he noticed at once that I was all wet and ready for it. He chuckled as he caressed my pussy, opening the lips and reaching his fingers inside.
"'You want it, all right. I knew you did.'
"Then he stuck one finger up inside me the way he'd done before. I could hardly wait to have his cock there, but one thing worried me, though. I had to ask him about rubbers or foam or something.
"There's something I'm scared of,' I said, 'and that's getting pregnant. I'm old enough to, you know.'
"'Ah, don't worry your head about a silly thing like that,' he said.
"'But, do you have something? Really, I've got to be careful.' I was earnest.
"'Well, now, let me see.'
"He let go of me and reluctantly got up from the bed to search through a dresser drawer. Finally he took out a cigar box, opened it, and withdrew something wrapped in a handkerchief. It was a secret hiding place, I guessed. He held up a little red and white package.
"The real thing,' he said. "Three of them.'
"As he walked back to the bed, I noticed that his cock was standing straight out, perfectly parallel to the floor. He unbuttoned his pajama pants and let them fall down, then came over to me.
"'Enjoy it a little bit before I cover it up,' he said, pointing his cock at my mouth.
"I took it in my mouth, willingly this time, and sucked it the way he'd taught me how. What a shame it was to cover it up with something artificial, I thought, but, of course, it was necessary.
"There was something a little gruesome about the way he sat down on the bed and proceeded to put on that surgical-looking object. It was like a little circle, but it rolled on, little by little, stretching to fit his gigantic cock and leaving it all white and funny looking.
"'You'd like it better without this,' he murmured. 'Next time, honey, we'll figure out something better.'
"Then he pulled open the drawer to the bed-side table and took out a huge jar of Vaseline. I was wondering what it was for when he began smearing it over the surface of the contraceptive.
"That'll make it easier,' he said.
"I was still turned on, still hot for him, but all these complications reminded me of the things that go on in doctors' offices. It was all so technical and unromantic.
"But all that changed an instant later. He took me in his arms and brought his lips down on mine, hard and firm. I kissed him back with everything I had and pressed my body against him. Soon his hands were caressing my hot, wet pussy again and I could hardly wait to get on with it. I was about to become a woman, I thought to myself.
"Without any prompting, I lay down on the bed and opened my legs wide, baring my pussy for him. He grabbed my knees and brought them upward toward my chest, so that both my cunt and my ass were pointing up in the air.
"Then he was over me, his handsome face just above mine, his cock just inches away from my open cunt. Our eyes met. I expected an expression of tenderness, but instead he had a wild look about him that reminded me of that first time. I figured it must be that men just looked that way when they were excited, so I wasn't afraid or put off by it. No, I didn't know then what he was really like.
"He lowered himself on me, careful to let his weight rest on his elbow on one side, while with the other hand he reached down to guide his prick into me.
"It didn't go in too easily, even with all the Vaseline and my natural juices. For a few seconds he tried to ease it in, then he gave a jerk and plunged it the rest of the way. That hurt a little, but not enough to bother me. I wanted to fuck so badly.
"I loved the way that big cock made me feel so full. All my insides were being compressed. I knew that my cunt was stretching to fit around it, too. I'd never be quite the same again. From then on, I wasn't a virgin.
"He began an up-and-down motion that seemed a little rough, not soft and sensual as some of our other lovemaking had been. It seemed a little strange at first, but little by little, it got to me. My whole pussy began to warm up as the motion of his cock sent sensations out in all directions. And I began to respond with a motion of my own, raising myself up to meet his strokes.
"I was getting fucked and I was enormously happy about it. I let myself forget who he was and all the things that were wrong with our being together like this. I was just a hot and hungry female body.
"'Oh, God, Hank, it's good,' I sighed.
"'Yeah, Tami, yeah. Everything Hank does to you is good.'
"And I believed him as my body reacted to his, getting hotter and hotter. I was completely in his power by now. I was no longer myself. I see how some people can believe in devils and demons; it's really possible to lose hold of yourself and do incredible things....
"God, how I loved it, the strong, forceful thrusts of his cock piercing me and filling me. It was what I'd wanted and needed for a long time without ever realizing it. And with every stroke, I was flying higher, soaring way above anything I had ever known before.
"All this time I was learning how to use my cunt, too, how to pull with it and suck his cock deep inside me. He didn't have to tell me what to do; I just knew how. I also knew that by grinding against him as our bodies met, I could stimulate my clit.
"We were fucking frantically. How Hank lasted so long, I don't know, but I guess he really wanted it to be good for me. He didn't dare let me down when I'd been so hot for him.
"Our bodies met and separated, again and again, the sweat from both of us lying in little pools all over my body. My cunt kept grabbing and clutching at him more intensely all the time. I was getting somewhere, that much I knew, although I wasn't at all sure just how far I had to go to the finish.
"Once more our eyes met and I saw that wild look, only now it seemed right. I imagined that I must look wild myself. Somehow there was no love about this thing we were doing, but for the moment, I didn't care. All I cared about was my pussy and the wonderful things that were happening to it.
"Suddenly something went through my whole body like an electrical charge. I thought I was having a fit. Yes, it was scary. I just began to twitch and heave all over. I'd come before, but it wasn't like this. This was a volcano, an earthquake. The mysterious violence spread to Hank, too, and he was grabbing me by the shoulders and fucking me so hard I thought he'd tear my insides apart. My God, I thought, so this is sex!
"It was a little like dying, too. We both lay still for a long time afterwards. I wasn't sure if I was going to recover, if I'd ever come back to my senses.
"Then Hank was softly caressing my body and telling me how lovely I was and how much he loved me. It's funny, but just then I didn't care. The important thing was that I'd actually experienced sex, the thing everybody talks about.
"No, that wasn't the only time Hank and I made it together. It happened again and again. Sometimes it was wild and violent and sometimes it was loving and gentle. Sometimes I thought I loved him, other times I just loved his cock and what it did to me. That's the truth. I never could make up my mind how I felt about the whole thing.
"Now that Hank is gone, I realize how wrong it was and how badly I behaved. But I miss him too. It'll probably be a long time before I can find a boyfriend who can do the things I need done to me. And it'll take a while for Mom and me to settle down to being alone again. Thank God, she never found out about Hank and me. That would have been too much, on top of everything else."
At some time during the interval that Tami was sexually involved with Hank, he sought out another young girl in one of the city parks and molested her sexually. Although the girl suffered no real physical injury, she was extremely frightened and told her parents, who in turn reported the case to the police. After some period of investigation, Hank was identified and arrested.
During the interrogation that followed, Tami, true to her word, never told anyone about her own relationship with Hank. Not only did she wish to protect herself, but she somehow also felt that she might have helped incite Hank to commit this subsequent crime. Even though Tami and her mother attested to Hank's innocence in the matter, Hank was positively identified by the child and was sentenced.
Tami and her mother tried to resume their old style of life. First they moved back to their old apartment, but since the case had received wide publicity in the town where they lived, they finally decided to move to a nearby city. Before moving, Tami's friends had quizzed her as to Hank's behavior with her, which, of course, was something she preferred not to think about.
Once situated in their new environment, Tami and her mother were still far from happy and content. Both had suffered from loss and deception; the mother could talk about how she felt, but Tami was forced to repress her own emotions. Finally, a friend suggested that they seek counseling through a family service agency. It was here, alone with a counselor who was committed to secrecy, that Tami at last told her story.
In verbalizing what had happened and her various and confused feelings about it, Tami began to overcome her guilt. Although it seemed important for her to see herself as the victim of a set of rather unusual circumstances, it was also important to allow her to consider that events in the external world can be influenced by one's own actions and resolutions. With the help of a firm but sympathetic counselor, Tami was able to make some progress toward maturity.