Chapter 5
Twelve-Year-Old Elizabeth and All Her Willing Older Men
"Sin-sin-sin. That's all you ever hear about when you're the daughter of a preacher. Yes, and you hear what kinds of things are sinful, things like smoking and drinking and sex. Most of all sex.
"I know it sounds weird, but sometimes seeing my father in the pulpit waving his arms and hearing him yelling at the top of his lungs about lust' and 'evils of the flesh' actually made me want to try it and find out what it was all about. Of course, I already knew my father was off the beam about a lot of things. Not just stuff like evolution which you learn about in school, but maybe even the whole line about there being a God up in heaven who watches over you. I'm still not sure about God, but I know damn well that most of the stuff they feed you in church is one big heap of lies. It took me three or four trips to the public library to find that out.
"It was on my way back from the library that I met the man who turned me on to sex. I never even found out what his name was, but I remember all about how it happened and how it felt. I guess the first time is something you never forget. I don't remember all of the others since then so well at all.
"At first all I knew was that a man was following me. I didn't even know what he looked like, but the idea made me feel all tingly. I was pleased that he'd decided to follow me, that he considered me old enough to be worth following. And I was crazy with excitement. Something was going to happen and I wasn't sure what it was, but I wanted it to happen.
"Sure, I'd played with myself plenty of times. I knew how to make it feel really good but I never managed to finish it off. I wanted a man to do that for me. Yes, a man and not a boy. I don't find boys very sexy.
"Of course, I'd been warned about strangers and how they'll do awful things to you, maybe even kill you. But I didn't really believe that what this man would do would be awful. And I just pushed the idea out of my mind that there was a chance of getting killed. So, instead of heading home, I turned off in the direction of a deserted lot where there are lots of bushes and trees. And I slowed down so the man could catch up with me.
"He was kind of strange, really, but he wasn't at all bad looking. As he said, 'Hello,' to me, he seemed a little shy and afraid, as though he expected me to run away and tell somebody.
"'Hi,' I said and gave him a sexy smile, the kind I've seen grown-up girls use in TV movies that I wasn't supposed to watch. 'Do you like me?' I asked him.
"'Yes,' he said, still kind of frightened.
"'I'm really very grown-up,' I said.
"Then he smiled down at me. 'That doesn't matter. I don't like women who are old and have wrinkles and try to boss men around. I like young girls best.'
"'I'm glad,' I said and we walked along together.
"I already had him figured out. He was one of those men who follow young girls whenever they have the chance and then do other things, too. But he wasn't dangerous, I was pretty sure of that. Well, here's my chance, I said to myself as we walked along together.
"It was really thrilling, walking across town with a grown man beside me and knowing that the things I'd dreamed about were going to happen at last, in just minutes from now. I could feel my panties getting wet. That's happened plenty of times before, when I was reading love scenes in books and when I was just thinking about sex.
"We didn't say very much, but finally the man asked me, 'Do you have a boyfriend?'
"I told him, 'No. I don't like kids much. I like men better, men like you.'
"That seemed to please him. He smiled again.
"One thing bothered me a little, though. Maybe I was leading him to expect too much. Maybe he'd think I knew all about what to do and would be disappointed when he found out I was a virgin. I thought I'd better warn him and it took me a little while to figure out just how.
"Finally, I spoke up. 'I have a confession to make,' I said.
"We looked at each other. He said, 'So do I. Do you want to make yours first?'
"'Okay. It's just that-that I'm a virgin. Only I don't want to be one. Do you understand? I know I'm ready. I'm old for my age.'
"He laughed lightly. 'So that's what's been troubling you. Don't worry. My confession is that I like virgins best of all.'
"That pleased me, but it puzzled me, too. I know that lovemaking is very complicated and you're supposed to get better at it with more ex-perience. That's why I wanted to get over being a virgin as soon as possible, so I could go on and learn all the interesting techniques and become an expert. A wicked woman, I thought to myself, and I almost laughed out loud.
"We soon got to the deserted lot. I had a feeling he'd been there before. I hadn't had to show him where it was, he just kept going in that direction and so did I. Once there, we selected a place with trees all around and bushes in-between the trees. It was completely safe.
"I sat down on a patch of grass. 'Would you like to see my body?' I asked him.
"'I'm dying to see it. Of course, I already know what girls' bodies look like. Do you know what a man's body is like?'
"I shook my head. I'd only seen statues with fig leaves and diagrams in books. I'd searched and searched for a photograph of the real thing, but never found one.
"'Let me show you,' he said.
"He left his shirt on and unzipped his pants Then he slid both his pants and his shorts downward. At last, I could see. His penis was big and long and it stuck straight out, which meant he was sexually excited. Around it were a lot of coarse hairs, and down below was the scrotum, all round and wrinkled.
"To be perfectly honest, it was too strange, seeing it all for the first time, to feel excited myself. No, I didn't think it was ugly or any-thing like that. It was more like, well, I just couldn't believe it-that men are so different from women, that they have all this stuff they carry around on the outside. What a nuisance it must be, I thought, having to be careful that none of it gets hurt.
"He beckoned me to come closer, which I did. 'Feel it,' he said, pointing to his penis.
"I took the big thing in my hands. Close up I could see all the little purpley veins and bumps. The big, pink end of it fascinated me. I could see the little opening which I know is where a man urinates and where the sperm comes out. I touched it.
"'Careful,' he warned me. 'Let me show you where the most sensitive part is.'
"He took my fingers and placed them on a little ridge underneath. I rubbed it.
"'That's it,' he said. 'That feels great.'
"Holding his penis in my hand brought another thought to my mind. It was so strong, almost as though it had a bone in it. And it was so big. I could scarcely get my fingers around it. It was difficult to imagine how something like this would feel inside me or even how he could get it into me.
"But I wasn't scared. Not at all. I'd read that the first time is sometimes difficult and can be quite painful for a girl. I had to get that first time over with. But I secretly hoped that I'd get some fun out of it, too.
"'Now let's look at you,' he said.
"He helped me pull my dress over my head, just as gently as my mother used to do when I was a little girl.
"I had a bra on. I'd been wearing one for about a year, but I filled it out better now than I did in the beginning. He knew just how to unhook it and took it off. Then he took my breasts in his hands and he didn't seem to mind that they were sort of small. His expression was very serious. He really seemed to enjoy touching me, and I liked that, of course.
"'Look at your nipples,' he said, grazing his fingers over them.
"Naturally, they were all shrunken and hard. I smiled at him. The feel of his hands on my breasts was beginning to really get to me. It wasn't at all like touching my breasts myself. It made me feel warm and my heart began to pound fast. I even started trembling a little. I hoped he wouldn't think I was afraid, when actually I was dying for more.
"Then he put his hands inside my panties. I was a little sorry that I didn't have sexy bikini panties instead of plain old cotton ones from Penney's.
"Lower and lower his hands went, stretching the elastic to get way in. Yet there was something very cautious about it all. He didn't seem to know how anxious I was to get on with it.
"'Let me take them off,' I volunteered.
"He helped me slide the panties down and lifted me up to get them over my butt. At last, I was completely naked.
"'What a beautiful girl you are,' he said. 'You're almost a woman, but not quite. That's what makes you so beautiful.'
"He just sat there and looked at me for a little while. Then he reached out and spread my legs apart. He ran his hand over the fine little hairs that I haven't had for very long. 'So silky,' he said in a low voice. 'So beautiful.'
"'It feels good,' I told him. And it did. I was really trembling now as I waited for more to happen. Why was he so slow about the whole thing? I wondered.
"When he parted the lips and felt the smooth red part of me where it was all wet, I let out a little scream. I couldn't help it, because it was so new and strange and wonderful.
"'Shhh,' he cautioned. 'We mustn't let anyone know we're here.'
"He was right, of course. But I had a feeling he was happy that I'd screamed. After all, men expect the woman to be responsive.
"Then he began to feel my clitoris, sort of tickling it the way I do myself now and then, but it was so different to have someone else do it. So much more exciting. He kept on doing it for the longest time before moving his finger to my tiny little opening.
"'You really are a virgin,' he said.
"'I told you I was,' I replied.
"Slowly and gently he slipped one finger past the lips into me. I could feel a little twinge of pain. When he brought his finger out, he showed it to me. There was a little blood on it.
"'This is going to be very easy. Just relax,' he said.
"Then he put in two fingers, this time with more force, and it really hurt. But instead of withdrawing his fingers he kept them inside me, wiggling them and stretching the opening. At the same time he played with my clitoris. The pain was going away and the excitement was coming back.
"'You're a lot luckier than most girls,' he said. 'That wasn't hard at all. Now you're not a virgin anymore.'
"'But I'll still be a virgin until....'
"'We'll take care of that, too. If you want to, that is.'
"'I want to,' I said.
"He lay me back on the grass and put my legs into position, with my knees practically up to my waist.
"Then he was over me, his face above mine, his penis in his hand. I'll never forget that instant.
"I opened my legs wide for him, hoping that that would make the hole big enough. At last I felt the touch of penis, there, and I smiled up at him. He kept watching my face the whole time, while he gradually inched his penis inside of me. I'll have to admit that it hurt a little, but it also felt good. I liked the way it filled me. And I liked the way it felt to have his body close to me.
"He was very gentle. For a few instants he didn't move at all, then he began to push his penis in and pull it out very slowly. I was actually having intercourse with a man!
"But, to tell the truth, it was a little disappointing. I didn't feel the warmth or the tingling I'd felt when he'd played with my breasts or my clitoris. Somehow I'd expected the real thing to be a little better than this.
"He knew what to do, though. Reaching down, he slid his hand in between us and began rubbing my clitoris again. I hadn't known it, but that's just what I wanted. I could feel a strange warm feeling all over, and now the in-and-out motion of his penis felt terribly good. I began to wiggle a little bit underneath him, letting him know that I liked it.
"I was hot all right, but I wasn't sure if I was going to have a climax this first time. I knew I had no right to expect one, but I had a tremendous desire for some kind of release....
"It started to happen when I wasn't even expecting it. The feeling is awfully hard to describe. All of a sudden my clitoris was twitching and I was grasping at his penis, squeezing it and sucking it into me. I couldn't believe it. It was really happening and it was the greatest thing I'd ever felt in my life, although I have had better orgasms since then.
"He responded by plunging into me hard and fast, almost ripping me apart. He panted heavily and finally let out a low groan as he seemed to pierce me like a knife.
"'Oh, you lovely little creature. Look what you've done to me,' he said a few instants later.
"We were both all wet and sticky, and he went about cleaning us up with a couple of handkerchiefs he had. I felt good, really good. And I was ever so pleased with myself that I'd actually had an orgasm the first time. That's quite rare, they say.
"We never saw each other again. I suppose he went on to look for more virgins. And I went on to look for more men. From that day on, sex was something I had to have.
"It may seem hard to believe, but it was at a prayer meeting that I met Henry. Since my old man is the preacher at a local church, I'm expected to go to these things. And I don't make a fuss about it, because I don't dare let my folks know the truth about me-that I don't believe in what the church says and that, even at twelve, I'm not a virgin anymore.
"My father was conducting the services and putting on a big show for all the suckers he'd managed to draw in. What I was paying attention to, though, was the good-looking guy next to me. I couldn't guess how old he was, except that he wasn't as old as my father, and I liked the way his muscles bulged inside his clothes. He looked like a man who worked with his hands, not pale and sickly the way so many professional men are.
"We were all squeezed into the pew like sardines, which meant that my thigh and his were pressed together closely. That was enough to start giving me hot pants and I wondered what it was doing to him. Once while our heads were bowed in prayer, I opened my eyes and snuck a glance at his lap. Either he had a mighty big one inside that fly or else it was hard!
"I took a peek at his face to see if his eyes were closed the way they were supposed to be. But no, they were open, and he was sneaking a look at me just as I was at him. He was interested in me!
"A few minutes later my father had us all get down on our knees. Some of the people crawled out into the aisles where there was more room. What I did was crawl under the seat. The next thing I knew my friend had joined me there, part-way, at least; there wasn't room for quite all of him.
"Everybody was praying out loud all around us. You couldn't make out what anyone was saying really except that the word 'sin' kept coming through the babble of voices.
"Then my father told us all to join hands with the person closest to us. I extended my hand toward my handsome friend and he took it willingly, even smiling at me.
"Then he spoke. 'Have you sinned?' he asked me.
"'Yes,' I whispered back. 'And I loved it. I'm not sorry at all.'
"I know that was an awfully daring thing to say, but I sensed that this guy and I could really get something going and I didn't want to miss the chance by being shy. But I hoped I hadn't shocked him too awfully much.
"I realized I hadn't scared him away an instant later when he began to run his fingers over the palm of my hand. It was about all he dared do, here under the church pew, but there was something very sexy in it.
"'That feels good,' I said.
"'You're very grown-up for such a young girl,' he told me in a low voice.
"'Yes, I know,' I said.
"'Would you like to get out of here?' he suggested.
"'Yes, but we'll have to be very careful,' I warned him. I didn't want to go so far as to tell him that the preacher was my own father, and apparently he didn't know.
"'Okay,' he whispered. 'Let's crawl out on our hands and knees. You go to the side door and I'll go out the back. Everybody is crawling around anyway, so nobody will notice. We'll meet at the corner by the sign. Are you game?' " 'Game,' I said.
"I raised my head long enough to make out my father kneeling at the altar with a group of people repenting their sins, then I made ray way on my hands and knees toward the side door. I took one more look to make sure my father's head was down before I made my exit.
"Once outside, I ran to the corner. My friend had had to crawl by more people, so he wasn't there yet. I hid behind the black-and-white sign that announced the subject of next Sunday's sermon and waited.
"I heard his footsteps in the grass. I waited until he was up close to the sign, then I jumped out and said, 'Boo!'
"'I was beginning to think you'd stood me up,' he said.
"'I wouldn't do a thing like that,' I told him.
"He took me by the hand and led me to the parking lot. As we strolled along I could hear the low roar of the voices inside the church.
"He led me to his car, an old beat-up Chevy. Opening the door, he motioned for me to get into the back seat. I did so and he followed me. It was a pretty big back seat and I was glad of that.
"Once he was beside me he put his arms around me roughly and drew me close to him. His face brushed against mine and an instant later he was kissing me in a way I've never been kissed before. His mouth was open and he forced mine open, too. Then he stuck out his tongue and began sliding it against my tongue while his lips pressed hard against mine. There was something fierce and wild about it, but I liked it.
"He kept on kissing me, but his hands were now roaming over my body. First he clutched at my breasts from outside my dress, then he unbuttoned a few buttons and dug inside my bra. I wished my breasts were larger than a mere A-cup, but he didn't seem to mind. He kept pinching them and grabbing at them in a desperate sort of way that drove me crazy with excitement.
"'Let's get some of these clothes off,' he said. 'I want to play with your pussy.'
"I knew the word, of course, having seen it on rest-room walls, but I'd never heard anybody say it out loud before. Not even the man who took my virginity just a few weeks before used words like that. My second lover, this man I was with now, was far different and it occurred to me that I was going to like him better.
"I got out of my dress by myself and was pretty careful about it, so that nobody'd suspect when I got home. Then I went ahead and stripped myself down to nothing. All this time, he was taking off his own clothes.
"'Feel my prick,' he said. 'It's hard. It wants you.'
"I took his penis in my hands, automatically comparing it to the other one I'd felt. It wasn't quite as thick, but aside from that it felt pretty much the same. That sort of surprised me. I guess I'd expected men's sex organs to be as different as their faces.
"Right away I touched my fingers to the sensitive ridge I'd learned about, rubbing it gently. I wanted to show him that I knew what to do.
"'That's nice, little one, real nice,' he groaned.
"Then his hands were groping for me, reaching for the wet hot place between my legs and I pushed myself toward him to help him find it. He parted the lips and ran his fingers all around. I was so wet that his fingering made a funny little sound.
"'It's such a cute little pussy,' he said. 'I wish I could see it, too.' Then he stuck one finger into the opening, and let it go deep inside. 'You really aren't a virgin, are you?'
"'No,' I said. 'I hope you don't prefer virgins.'
"He chuckled. 'No. I just like sexy girls, all ages, all sizes. And you're pretty sexy. Do you know that?'
"That made me feel good. I know I'm beginning to have the body of a woman, but I have very ordinary looks. I'd never make cheerleader or majorette or homecoming queen. Maybe what's sexy about me is that I like sex and it shows somehow.
"By now he'd taken my clitoris between two of his fingers and was giving it a real workout.
I'd never thought to do that when I'd played with myself. It really felt great, so great that I was afraid I might climax before he even got his penis inside me.
"Then he was guiding my hand to what he'd called his 'prick' and making me rub it up and down, sliding the loose skin with my hand.
"'Would you like to kiss it?' he asked.
"That sort of startled me. I really hadn't expected that some man I'd met in church would know about such sophisticated techniques of lovemaking. But I was ready to experiment. I bent down and brought my lips to the sensitive ridge, kissing it softly.
"'Now try taking it in your mouth,' he said.
"I did so, but even though I opened my mouth as wide as I could, I couldn't begin to get all of it in. He took my head in his hands and began moving it in an up-and-down motion, so that the outside layer of skin moved along with my mouth. Each time I came up toward the top, I let my teeth graze the sensitive ridge. I figured he'd like that. He seemed to, for he let me go on like this for quite a little while.
"Finally he said, 'Now it's my turn.'
"A minute later I found out what he meant. Suddenly his face was between my legs and his tongue was slipping and sliding over all my sensitive parts. I opened my legs wide and moved to the edge of the seat so he could get at me better.
"I worried about little things like whether I smelled and tasted nice at first, but then I just relaxed and enjoyed it. Sometimes he nibbled at me and sometimes the rough texture of his face rubbed against me, too. But I liked every bit of it. I felt a little bit let down when he finally stopped.
"'Are you ready?' he said.
"'I'm ready,' I said faintly. My breath was nearly gone.
"It took some scrambling around to get into position, but finally I had one foot up by the rear window and the other over the top of the front seat with plenty of space for him between my legs. If I'd been any taller, it just wouldn't have been possible. Then he was over me.
"'Help me put it in,' he said.
"I wasn't quite sure I'd be much help, but I reached one hand to his penis and the other to my opening. I tried to make the hole as wide as possible. I was plenty wet and I knew that would help. As he lowered his penis, I aimed it at the spot where I wanted it. Then he plunged it in.
"'I'm fucking you, little girl,' he whispered in my ear.
"The first few strokes were slow and easy, gentle ones. But before long he speeded up, pounding away at me.
"'Move with me, honey. Can you do that?'
"I didn't answer. I just started wiggling, trying to keep up with his rhythm. Soon I found that I was grinding my clitoris against him in a way that was driving me wild.
"He kept going at that rapid pace and so did I. For a little while I forgot about everything but what I was feeling at the spot where our bodies came together, separated, then met again. My whole body was alive, but most of all that one spot was warm and wet and open. It was terrific. This is fucking, I thought to myself, the real thing, the dirty thing, the wonderful thing.
"Finally I said what I was dying to say, Fuck me!'
"'I'm fucking you, baby. You're getting fucked by Henry J.M-and don't you forget it.'
"I guess that's how I managed to remember his name.
"I had no fears about making it this time. I knew it was going to happen. If anybody could do it for me, Henry J. M-could. And for the longest time I was on the verge of making it. Close, but not quite there. And that's the best part of the whole thing as far as I'm concerned; when you're floating out in space faraway from everything in the world, knowing full well that you're soon going to experience the most incredible feeling there is.
"When I got there it was unbelievable. My whole body started to twitch and jerk, all the while pulling him into me deeper and deeper. It was sort of like having a fit, but it was beautiful. And it took me a long time to quiet down.
"He kept right on giving it to me, but now with a fantastically fast motion. I just lay there and let the rest happen. His breath became louder until finally he was groaning. His hands dug into my shoulders. I knew then that he was making it, too, and that he was enjoying it tremendously. At last he collapsed on top of me. He was pretty heavy, but I didn't bother to complain.
"My mind found its way back to reality, to the fact that we were in the church parking lot and that soon the prayer meeting would be over and people would be coming out in droves. I could even hear the people singing some hymn and I knew that meant that the service was nearly over.
"'Hey, we'd better get up,' I said.
"'Any reason we can't hide here till they all go away and have some more fun?' Henry suggested.
"'I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I have to go home.'
"'Oh, yes. I'd forgotten that you're pretty young. To me you're a real woman. Hear that?'
"I couldn't help turning that over in my mind as I cleaned myself up with Kleenex and got back into my clothes. I am a woman, really. Why doesn't anybody realize that except the men who want to make love to me?
"'You come to church here often?' he asked.
"'All the time,' I said. 'But I've never seen you here before.'
"'I'll tell you a secret. You'd be surprised at how many women I meet in church. But I hardly ever go to the same church twice. Maybe this time I'll reconsider. You're a damn good fuck, little one.'
"'Well, if you come back, I'll probably be here.'
"'Okay, sweetheart. See you in church.' "
Elizabeth's parents remained ignorant of their daughter's sexual exploits. However, they became concerned about her for other reasons. After having been an exemplary student in elementary school and during her first year of junior high school, her grades began to drop and she showed very little interest in academic subjects. Because of this, her parents sent to a youth guidance clinic where she met regularly with a social worker and began to speak freely about her sex life, telling the episodes which are recorded here.
Quite clearly, her sexual precociousness and her failures in school are related. In a general sort of way, Elizabeth falls into the category of Lolitas cited by the unnamed psychiatrist in Russell Trainer's book The Lolita Complex, the "rebels." Says the psychiatrist, "They boil with hostility. Most of it is directed at their parents, but they display it to anyone in authority."
Elizabeth's rebellion against the fundamentalist religion of her parents is quite understandable, considering that she was well-read and had encountered many facts and ideas which conflicted with what she had been taught. Her rigid religious upbringing served in another way to create a situation somewhat damaging. It severed her from her peers. She was not allowed to dress like other girls her age or attend many of the school functions. Thus, she was very much alone.
Being alone, and never having discussed sex with other girls her own age or with an understanding adult of the same sex, Elizabeth saw her burgeoning sexuality as something unique, something that made her different from other girls her age.
Furthermore, she wanted to assert herself as an independent being. After all, she had discovered for herself the half-truths lurking behind her father's devout instruction, and instead of being troubled by conflicts, set about to formulate a moral code of her own. She developed the habit of thinking for herself, which is certainly not to be condemned. However, she was unable to see that the conclusions she had arrived at might be potentially destructive.
In actuality, her conclusions were not very well thought out. As we have already seen, she went to extremes. Everything her parents had taught her as being right became wrong in her eyes; everything they stood against, she was for. Having rejected her parents as a source of authority, it wasn't hard for her to reject her teachers and the subject matter they sought to impart to her in the same way.
The only grown-ups she did not reject were the men who responded to her sexually. Although she talks as though sexual satisfaction were her only motive, it is quite Apparent that through sexual contact with older men, she was able to gain reassurance of her own maturity and femininity. Such assurance, however, might have also come from a mature adult of either sex in a far different kind of relationship.
The social worker undertook to develop a close relationship with Elizabeth, and to point out some of the possible long-range effects of the course she was pursuing. For example, Elizabeth, though she had developed a pattern of promiscuity, never considered the possibility of becoming pregnant. Nor did she consider the effect that her low grades might have on further educational pursuits.
Elizabeth needed guidance and friendly help, rather than in-depth psychiatric treatment as some clinicians might have recommended. Her sexual precocity in itself is not atypical in our society, although it is a subject that is rarely discussed with empathy toward the girls who are sexually mature beyond their years. Elizabeth's entire pattern of behavior, however, was one that could lead to disaster of one sort or an other.
"To tell the truth, I wouldn't call Rev. S-good-looking. He might have been at one time, but he was around my father's age, that's fifty-five, was a little too heavy around the middle and was beginning to lose his hair, too.
"He came to stay with us while waiting for an assignment to a new church. He was alone, having just lost his young wife to another man. We took him in, knowing that his stay would be only for a little while, and we didn't charge him anything. Even though we're pretty hard up, my father felt it was his duty to help out another pastor.
"I liked him. In spite of being a preacher, he was really a nice guy. Right away he offered to help me with my algebra-something neither of my parents would be capable of-and he seemed to sympathize with me about school and how the public schools are a big mess.
"One night when I had a lot of homework to do, he decided to stay and help me instead of going to the prayer meeting with my father. My mother went along, though, which left the two of us in the house together. And I'm sure they never gave a second thought to leaving me alone with Rev. S-.
"We whizzed right through the first three-fourths of the assignment. He made it all seem so easy.
"'You're really a very smart girl,' he told me.
"That's not something I often hear these days. I hear a lot more complaining about my not being able to grasp the harder subjects.
"We were sitting on the living-room couch together and all of a sudden-I don't know what made me do it-I moved closer to him, close enough that our thighs were touching. I half expected him to move away, but he didn't. Of course, it could have been that he just didn't want to insult me, but I had a hunch there was more to it than that. After all, this poor guy had been without a woman for several months now and here I was, a woman in everything but age.
"I nestled close to him, letting my breasts touch his arms. He seemed to like it, yet I could sense that he was a little uneasy.
"'You're tempting me,' he said at last.
"'I know,' I said slyly.
"'I'm a guest here. I wouldn't dare take advantage of the daughter of the house. Besides, I'm a man of the Lord. You know that.'
"'I know all that,' I said. 'But I also know I like you and we're both lonely. I'm very lonely, aren't you?'
"He looked both sad and puzzled. 'Yes, I'm lonely, too,' he said.
"I took my hand and rubbed it gently along the crease of his pants above the knee, reaching higher and higher. I knew I was making him nervous and turning him on at the same time, too.
"I tried to think of something to say to put him at ease, to let him know that it would be all right.
"'Let's make love,' I said in a low, sexy voice. 'You wouldn't be hurting me. I'm not even a virgin. We both want it, don't we?'
"That did it. He didn't answer, but instead grabbed me in his arms and began covering my face with little kisses.
"All the while he kept murmuring, 'I can't help it. I can't help myself....'
"I responded passionately, reaching for his mouth and kissing him the way I'd learned to do so recently, my lips hard against his, my tongue sliding between his teeth. It was driving him out of his mind. Yes, he was in my power now. It amused me a little to think that I was bringing a preacher to sin.
"I kept on kissing him, not giving him an instant to back away and change his mind. Then I went to work with my hands, first caressing his chest and shoulders, then progressing downward toward his bulging fly. What I felt when I got there was hard all right. Preachers are just like people, I thought. They only kid themselves about being different.
"All the while pressing my lips against his, I began to rub his penis through his pants, gently at first, then faster. Finally I reached for the top of his zipper and tugged at it. His pants were so tight by now that I couldn't get the zipper open. I tried and tried until he finally came to the rescue and slid it down.
"As he did this, our mouths parted and we sat back and looked at each other for a moment. No, there was no turning back, I was sure of that. He had a look on his face that let me know he wanted to keep right on going.
"'You're really not a little girl at all,' he said.
"He left the next step up to me. I put my hand inside his shorts and began feeling his penis. It wasn't enormous, but it sure was hard. And I soon noticed something else different about it-it wasn't circumcised. I pulled it out to take a good look.
"That's your prick,' I said as I did so. I knew that my using a word like that would shock him, but I kind of thought he wanted to be shocked. Then I asked him, 'Would you like to see my pussy?'
"He couldn't bring himself to give me an answer, so I just went ahead and got my clothes off as fast as I could. Then I stood in front of him completely nude and opened my legs wide so he could see what was there. He stared at me, amazed. I had a hunch he'd always made it with his wife in the dark and had never seen the real thing before in his life.
"He grabbed me and pulled me down on the couch beside him, first kissing me on the lips the way we'd done before. I squirmed against him wildly.
"Then I broke loose and did a very daring thing, something I'm sure he'd never experienced until now. I put his penis in my mouth and began going up and down. He didn't say a word, but he finally pushed me away and lay me back on the couch. He was ready for some real action. Not too ready, I hoped, because I knew I wouldn't be able to climax right away.
"'Would you like to eat me?' I asked him.
"'I-I want, I want to make love to you,' he stammered.
"I didn't persist. I wouldn't have wanted to make him do something he didn't enjoy.
"'You mean you want to fuck me,' I said.
"He didn't respond, but instead got into position above me. And the funny guy still had his shirt on. He'd pulled his pants and shorts down to around his knees. Without asking for my help, he guided his penis toward me and slipped it in. I love that feeling you get when it's first inside ... so warm and full. Then he began little jerky movements. I must say the lovers I'd had before had far better techniques. But it was good to have a man actually making love to me again. And it was all the more weird because it was Rev. S-.
"I set my hips in motion beneath him, not only to make it feel better for me, but to show him that I really knew what to do. I started a slower sort of rhythm and pretty soon he caught on to it. It was getting good now, his penis sliding deep into me and out again without any hurry or rush about it. And it really turned me on to think that I was showing this old man how to do it. I'll bet he'd never had it so good before.
"As I got hotter, I speeded up the motion and he really got going, too. Not the little jerky motion he'd started out with, but a smooth steady rhythm that made me want to melt. It was good, very good. Pretty soon I forgot about who he was or where we were and all of that. All I knew was that my body was doing it's own natural thing and my mind had lost all control.
"I lay there, lunging upward and squirming like an automated toy. But I knew that this stage wasn't going to last terribly long. I was close to the finish.
"Oddly enough, it happened to both of us at exactly the same time, the way the books say is ideal, but very difficult to do. Suddenly there was a twitch and I couldn't tell which of us it came from. Then together we went utterly wild, thrashing around so hard I was afraid we'd fall off the couch. And for me it lasted longer. My hole kept grabbing for his penis long after he lay spent and exhausted on top of me.
"That was great,' I said finally.
"He got up slowly, then frantically took his shorts and cleaned me up before the telltale wetness got to the couch. I was grateful that he'd thought to be so cautious. I never worry about the details.
"Then he sat down across the room from me with his clothes in his hands.
"'Oh, dear, what have we done?' he moaned.
"For a minute I was afraid he was going to start praying. I felt sorry for him then. 'Don't feel bad,' I said. 'It was a nice thing to do and we both needed it. You haven't hurt me. And I'll never tell, I promise.'
"That didn't seem to help. I knew better than to try to convert him to my way of thinking. I knew also that somehow he'd be changed by what had happened, whether he ever came to accept it or not. He wouldn't just forget it.
"We got everything picked up and got dressed in plenty of time for the arrival of my parents. I stayed up to greet them, but Rev. S-went off alone to the spare room. I told my folks that he was very tired.
"The next day when I got home from school, I learned that Rev. S-had left, saying that he had to take care of some business in the city. My father seemed a little surprised at his taking off like that, but didn't take the trouble to question it. Only I knew why he'd gone-to remove himself from temptation and be alone with his confused conscience.
"I hoped that I'd really turned him on, that he'd leave the church and start having fun like other people. At least I'd shown him how much fun sex can be."
As the interlude Elizabeth had with Rev. S-shows, she was beginning to sense some responsibility for her actions. At least, she was able to perceive the plight she had created for her partner. Previous to this, she was oblivious to the fact that the men she'd had sexual activity with could have been prosecuted on criminal charges.
Still, she showed little concern for her own welfare. The social worker warned her that she'd better find some reliable means of contraception or else stop having sexual encounters altogether. She'd been lucky so far, but she shouldn't count on her luck holding out. Elizabeth complied with this in her own fashion. She demanded that the men she met buy prophylactics. There was no way she could secure a diaphragm or the birth control pills without her parents' permission.
In time, Elizabeth was motivated to work harder in school and earn the kind of grades which would enable her to go to college. She began to see college as a means of breaking away from her parents and the church and hoped that she could go to a school faraway from home. Thus, she became less concerned with the "here and now" and more oriented toward mapping out her future. It's not difficult to understand how such a self-centered girl as this could be brought around to such thinking.
Her sexual behavior, however, presented a larger problem, and one which the social worker finally decided was insoluble She continued to pursue older men and carry on a series of one-time-only affairs with them.
The only break in this pattern occurred when she met a man with whom she became emotionally involved. Although the man happened to be married, the social worker greeted this as a possible improvement in Elizabeth's case. For once, she was able to appreciate sex within the context of an emotionally complex relationship.
This affair ended traumatically, with the man going back to his wife, and Elizabeth resumed her old behavior. Still, her sexual encounters went unnoticed by her parents and everyone else. The social worker had the authority to disclose these facts to her parents, but preferred not to do so. The one hope seemed to be that eventually Elizabeth would become attracted to someone closer to her own age. The social worker, though, was well aware that this might not happen for some time and that it might not happen at all. Elizabeth was a confirmed Lolita and a promiscuous one at that.