Chapter 6
Throughout the history of civilization, there have been numerous reports of strange sexual practices revolving around what might be called 'repressed incestual desires'. The 'Lolita' syndrome, or the attraction of an older man to a young girl, is a common association in the annals of the incestuous character. In attempting to discover a link between the incestuous relationship of a father and his daughter, I discovered a case history of a man who was able to realize those subconscious desires within himself through a very strange process.
Jim C. is forty-five years old. Divorced, he lives alone in a nice apartment in Los Angeles. His one child, Britt, attends a private school in the North where she is in her final year.
Jim's remarks were gathered with the use of a tape recorder and Jim's own willingness to reveal the strange processes in which he indulged himself.
My problem began when my wife left me after Britt's eleventh birthday. We had been happily married, and up till that time, had led a perfectly normal life. But I guess I did not see through the changes that were taking place inside my wife, and when she left I was terribly shocked. At the time, there seemed to be no reason or motive--just the fact that she wanted her independence.
We decided to put Britt into a private school North of San Francisco instead of one of us attempting to raise her. So, after my daughter and my wife were gone, I fell into some rather strange patterns because of living by myself.
I rented a nice apartment and stayed with my job. At first, there was the usual amount of horniness, and that was satisfied by occasional visits to massage parlors. For twenty bucks, the chick would jack me off and then let me feel her up. I admit it wasn't the greatest, but it did help. At that time, I was having difficulty meeting women, and all of my time was spent by myself. So, the massage parlors gave me at least some contact with the opposite sex.
But the boredom of the nights began closing in on me. The apartment house in which I lived faced another, entire row of buildings inhabited mainly by young people-and this fact began to show promise of helping me with my situation.
One night, just as I was preparing for bed, I happened to glance out the window. Across from me, there was a young lady with extremely long black hair. She was very pretty and very well-built. As I stood there watching, she began undressing. She seemed totally unaware that her window was open, and actually was facing directly into my apartment as she stripped.
When she was naked, she stood facing the window and touching herself. She took her nipples and squeezed them, then lowered her hands to her cunt. I couldn't see her down there because of the window sill, but I could tell what she was doing. Her face was rapt with pleasure as she rocked back and forth then pushed herself up against the window.
That night I had been naked when I first saw her. Within a second my prick was hard as a rock and I was beating myself off right along with her. When I saw that she was coming, she threw her head back and bared her teeth, I shot my load into the wall. After it was over, and she had pulled down her window shade, I knew that I was headed for a strange and unusual sex life.
But I never saw her again. I walked through the apartment trying to find which one was hers. But as I looked and searched there was no sign of her at all. I was very disappointed and began seeking other ways to satisfy my cravings, which seemed to be growing stronger every day.
I decided to try the nudist route. I signed up with a very respectable club in the mountains and paid my fees. The first day I went to the camp, I was eager with anticipation and also with the fear that I would walk in there with my dick sticking out to the sky.
The girl at the reception desk was naked. The shock of seeing her sitting there as though she were working in an office on Wilshire really turned me around. Her tits were even resting on the table top, and when she looked up at me and smiled, I noticed her shifting her legs underneath the desk. I could see her crack and vagina as plain as day, but that did not seem to bother her.
I registered and walked into the dressing room. When I was naked, I went out into the main yard where the nudists took their pleasure. It was a very strange feeling. There were old people, young people, pretty and ugly people all romping and playing in the nude. Suddenly, even though I spotted a beautiful blonde basking in the sun with her legs nicely spread, the visions of orgies in the sunshine left me. I grew very depressed and took a long walk down towards the river which ran through the camp.
As I approached the water, I heard the sound of small girls laughing and giggling. I sat down on the bank, and surprisingly enough, my prick began to rise. It was kind of an uncontrollable thing and there was nothing I could do about it.
When I finally spotted the girls, I was hard. My cock was sticking up from my stomach like a rod, gleaming in the sunlight.
There were two of them. They were about fourteen years old and they were naked. Their bodies were almost fully developed except for the breasts which were kind of small. I watched them play and giggle, then they saw me. Instead of running away, though, they walked over to where I was sitting.
"Hello," said the blonde one, staring at my prick, "you're new here?"
I muttered that I was. They were both very pretty, and they were both interested in my prick. Their eyes never left it.
"My name's Karen and this is Kim."
I nodded at both of them. They sat down next to me on the grass. As they crossed their legs and positioned themselves into the Indian sitting position, I got a clear view of their tender little pussies.
"Why are you hard like that?" Karen was indeed precocious.
"I guess I'm not used to naked bodies."
"That's cool ... could I touch you?"
This was amazing. The girl was only fourteen but smart as hell, and probably more forward about sexual matters than I was.
"If you'd like to-go ahead."
While her friend watched, Karen squatted down in front of me. Her little pussy, with its blonde hair smooth as silk, stretched out before my eyes. I suddenly realized just how attractive little girls were, and especially ones that had just arrived at puberty.
She reached out and put her finger on the tip of my prick. She seemed to be testing the strength of the skin or something because she bounced her finger up and down.
"It's really hard, isn't it?"
"It's supposed to be when it's like that."
"You mean so it can go in here easier?" She pulled apart her lips and showed me her hole. She was looking into herself and measuring the size of my prick at the same time. I wondered...
"I guess it would fit, wouldn't it?"
"It will eventually, I'm sure."
But it was obvious that she did not want to try it now. Instead, she held onto my cock and then gegan sliding her hand up and down. I leaned back and told her that it felt good and that I would come if she didn't stop. But she continued to do it.
"Men like it, don't they?"
"Yes, we do..."
She was moving gently up and down, just squatting there with her cunt wide open and her young, shiny body intent on watching my prick and how it reacted to her touch. Then, I came.
She backed away as I began spurting and shooting my white liquid up into the sky. I was coming so hard I thought I could shoot across the river. Karen watched in fascination, really interested to see what it looked like. But her little friend had run back to the main camp. I knew that I was in trouble.
"I'd better go, Karen, people don't like this ... "
As I began making my way back to the camp, I saw a few of the adults walking very quickly towards the spot where Karen, a fourteen year old nudist, had jerked me off. It was all so innocent and up until then, was the best sexual experience I had ever had. I began to see where my sexual instincts were taking me. I was to become obsessed with little girls.
On the drive home I tried to assess my own situation. I felt nothing of the remorse or guilt which I thought I should have. Instead, the memory of Karen's golden naked body and her small, tan hands riding up and down my prick warmed me and sent chills throughout my body. I realized that I was hooked and there would be nothing I could do about it.
But then I thought once again about the people coming after me. It was obvious that they would never allow me inside their camp again, and I would most likely be blacklisted from all nudist camps in the future. Then, there was the consideration of how to go about securing the kind of experience I had had with Karen with other girls. I mean, where does a guy go who wants to make it with teenage girls.?
These were my thoughts as I drove home. By the time I had arrived at my apartment, one thing had become very clear. I was about to embark on a new life-style that would be centered around this new found delight. I promised myself that every free hour I had would be devoted to the pursuit of this practice.
That night, I went to a bookstore that specialized in sex items. I found a magazine which featured only young girls. They were all naked, and posed especially for people with my interests. They lay with their legs spread, coyly smiling into the lens of the camera and showing the world their young, untouched cunts. It really turned me on to look at them and I decided to buy the booklet. On the way out, the owner asked me if I might not be interested in a special doll he had.
I bought the doll and took it home, almost coming in my car on the way with the excitement. The doll was made out of a plastic material and when inflated, was the life-size replica of a fourteen year old girl. The breasts were small and strong, and each one had a realistic nipple. The vagina was blonde and smooth, with some fine hair just kind of sparsely put there. Inside the vagina, the cavity was true to life, and felt just like a real one.
I set the doll up in my bedroom and undressed. I was erect as I took the doll into my arms and began stroking and fondling it. Then, I lay it on its back and spread the legs. I then took the booklet with the pictures of the little girls and opened it to a series that showed four different girls examining each others' cunts. Then I lay on top of the doll and inserted my penis into her soft, slippery cunt.
Emulating intercourse, I stared at the pictures and came inside the dolls cunt. It was a wild night, I made it five times and fell asleep with my cock aching like the Devil.
For a few weeks after this purchase, I did nothing but play with that doll in the manner described. I got to the point where every night I would have to jack off inside it or else I could not get to sleep. But as the weeks passed, my interest in the thing began to dwindle. I realized that what I had wanted all the time was the real thing, and that the doll had worked as a substitute. I guess there are some people who could have been satisfied with just the doll and never gone after the real thing. But that wasn't for me, and that's probably why I was considered to have a 'problem'.
I began going to the beaches on Saturday afternoons when the young people were there. I would take a book along and dark glasses and just lay there watching all the young golden bodies in their tiny bikinis walk by. I would roll over onto my stomach sometimes and rub my prick against the sand and come inside my bathing suit. This usually happened about twice every afternoon.
One afternoon, I saw two women who were in their twenties wearing nothing but their suit bottoms. They were walking around with their tits bouncing up and down and not concerned in the least whether anyone saw them or not. I knew where my desire lay, though, because at the moment when they were walking in front of me, a young thirteen year old girl was coming the other way. Her limbs were long and her figure almost boyish, but my eyes could hold no longer on the exposed tits and nipples of the older women. They obediently chased the little figure of the girl. I rolled over on my stomach and beat off into the sand.
My Daughter Britt had been attending school in the North during all of this and I very rarely thought of her. I hadn't seen her since she was eleven, and now she was fourteen. When I received her letter asking me to come up and visit her for the holidays, I just felt that this was another part of my life I had tried to forget. Britt had blamed me for the divorce and had refused to see or speak to me for the three years after. I did not care to argue with her at that time and maintained my distance. But it seems that she had found out that her mother was sleeping with another man, and this fact altered her opinion of the situation. Obviously, she was ready to forgive.
The school was located in the woods North of San Francisco. It was beautiful and had formerly been a monastic retreat where the monks had run a winery. The spot was secluded, aesthetic and very ethereal. When I drove the circle drive up to the main entrance, I began to feel dirty about myself. Somehow, the activities in which I had been indulging flooded back into my consciousness with a vengeance. I decided to reform, return to the normal life, and stop screwing around with my obsession.
I was lead through a small foyer into the waiting room by an elderly matron and told to wait. I sat down and waited until a vision of absolute beauty came bounding down the stairs like a little girl. Britt was turning into the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. With each step, she became intensely beautiful.
"Hello, daddy ... "
She leaped into my arms. I could feel the strength and lift of her small breasts as she pushed herself against me. I took her long, shiny blonde hair into my hands and then let it drop again down her slim, straight back. She was pressing hard against me, and I could feel her slim, strong thighs exerting pressure on my legs; and her small, flat belly pushing against my prick. Right there, in the foyer, I was getting hard.
I took her out of the building quickly and led her down the road to my car. She was wearing a short skirt and a white blouse. Her legs were strong and long, and her little ass wiggled beautifully beneath her dress.
When she got into the car, her dress rode high on her thighs, and I could see the beginning of her panties. The crotch was visible, and there were little blonde hairs peering out from that most desirable spot between her legs.
We talked about everything as I drove down the coast to the motel which I had booked us into for the weekend. She was a bright child, and very animated and fearless. I suppose the fact that she had been abandoned early in life forced her to develop a sense of strong individualism. She seemed adult and child-like at the same time. I began to sense that there was something totally immature about her, but that at the same time she was well aware of her own body and her own sensuality. The way she laughed, and the way she kind of cried and purred about things, like the ice cream cone, made me realize that she was developing her own way of handling men. She would break plenty of hearts before she was through, and she was already getting to mine in more ways than one.
We checked into the motel and went to our rooms. I had taken adjoining rooms with a door leading into each room from the hallway. The windows overlooked the ocean, and it was a relief as I listened to Britt unpacking, to contemplate the serenity of the sea. My heart and prick had been jumping wildly since early that day.
"Okay, daddy, let's go swimming!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a very tiny bikini. She had one leg thrown demurely in front of the other as though if she were to drop it back into position I would be able to see her crotch. She was smiling, and I detected a certain pleasure from her in the fact that she was showing me her body.
"You've certainly grown, Britt!"
"Haven't we all!" And then I noticed an almost undetectable flicker of her eyes towards my groin as she spoke. She laughed again and ran out of the room, waiting for me to chase her. I felt my prick pushing hard against the thin material of my bathing suit.
I sat on the sand and watched Britt play in the water. Her body was lithe and strong, but there was every element of the woman about her. She was at home in the water, and once again I noticed just how unafraid she was of the elements-both human and natural.
"C'mon in---it's great!"
I leaped to my feet and ran towards her. But at that moment a wave crashed down on her and threw her into the foam. She reached out for me and held me tightly around the thigh and the force of the ocean tried to draw her out. At the same moment, her hand slipped up between my legs and she touched my cock. It was like a feather passing over one's skin, but I was sure she had done it purposefully. "Wow!" she screamed, laughing and spitting out the salt water, "that was close!! ! "
Then, out of some kind of pure exuberance, she leaped on me, throwing her legs around my back and pushing her belly into mine.
"You feel nice!" she said, searching my face seriously with her sharp, green eyes.
"Do you like to feel?"
"It's all I have ... it's everything, no matter what!"
Then she released herself and ran back onto the beach. I fell beside her on the blanket. She began sunbathing and grew very quiet. She stretched herself towards the warm rays and spread her legs; She was the most desirable thing I had ever seen. I was hard again.
"Oh God, this feels so good. It's good to feel the sun going in everywhere ... it's like being full."
And then she flicked her eyes at me again. I knew she was saying it to me, but I couldn't take the chance and expose it. Not yet, anyway.
Back in the room, we separated so that we could take our showers and dress for dinner. I filled the tub and climbed inside. I purposefully left the water somewhat below normal in heat because I was already so hopped up that I'm sure the warm water would have made me come.
As I lay in the tub, I heard the door between our bedrooms open. Then I listened as her feet made squeaky noises as she crossed 'he carpeting.
"Mind if I talk?" She was standing in the doorway of the bathroom. She had a large terry cloth towel wrapped around her that all but made her disappear. It was a very appealing sight because her hair was still wet and she looked like a shiny, little doll dwarfed under that huge towel.
"Of course not, come in."
She plopped herself down on the toilet seat and avoided looking at my nakedness beneath the water. The towel slipped a little and her entire leg, way above her hip, was revealed. The sight of that stretch of white, untanned flesh sent my prick on a rampage, and I tried everything I knew to try and hold it down.
"It was really fun today, wasn't it?"
"Yes, I'm sorry we never got together before."
Her eyes flicked down at my groin, held on my bobbing meat, and wandered very slowly again to meet mine.
"Do you mind if I kiss you?"
"Certainly not!"
She leaned over, and the towel dropped from around her shoulders. One breast, white and pointed, flared out like it was the only thing in the room.
Her lips grazed mine, not like a child would when kissing her parents, but like a woman would when she is propositioning a man with a kiss.
Then, she let the towel fall down to her waist and reached behind my neck and pulled me towards her. She kissed me hard on the mouth, and drove her tongue deeply inside. I could feel her warm, little tits grazing my shoulder as she began twisting and turning into my mouth, swallowing me with her tongue and teeth. Then, she pulled back and drew the towel around her nudity. "Is it wrong."
"What?"
"To do that ... I mean, is there something wrong with that?"
I told her that I didn't think there was. But she was in a lousy mood anyway and got up from her seat and walked into the bedroom.
I was stiff as a board as I dried myself, realizing that all of the innuendos I had suspected earlier were exactly that-innuendos. The anticipation of events to come was almost overwhelming.
I threw a towel around me and walked into the bedroom. Britt was laying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling and dwarfed again in that ridiculous towel.
"Hey, don't be so sad, Britt, we're here to have fun!"
She held out her arms and silently asked me to lay on the bed next to her. I could feel the warmth of her body coming through her towel as I lowered myself onto the bed.
I realized at that moment that there was nothing more that I could say to her. I either would have to act now or forget the whole thing. I made my choice.
I rolled over and kissed her on the mouth. She threw her arms around me and pulled me tight against her body. She rolled onto her side and began pushing her stomach against mine. Then, her towel fell open and her naked body was wrapping around mine.
"Get naked, daddy..."
I threw my towel off and took her little naked body into my arms. She was incredible, stretching and sinking into my shape and form like we had been making love for years. Her belly was against my prick, and she was moving it up and down.
"Could I touch it?"
"Yes."
She reached down and gently took my prick into her hand. She moved it from side to side testing its agility, then began stroking it. She seemed fascinated by it, but was at the same time growing terribly excited.
"Let me blow you, first ... "
She didn't wait for an answer but turned herself around and lowered her sweet, virgin lips onto my prick. She stabbed at the head, then circled it with her tongue and finally took it into her mouth. She sucked and drew on it, knowing from somewhere just how to make it all work.
I watched her beautiful head bobbing up and down on my cock, then grabbed at her ass and pulled her towards me. She spread her legs immediately and opened her sweet cunt to my mouth. She was so fresh there, and the smooth blonde hair smelled of soap and perfume. I licked at her pink, moist lips and then found her clit. When I poked at it with my tongue, she squirmed.
I waited for a moment to see if I hadn't gone too fast. She understood and kept sucking on me. So, I drove into her vagina and began licking her inside. She was hot and ready, and the juices were pouring from her as though a dam had been broken.
Finally, she rolled off my cock and turned herself around. She was smiling and seemed very pleased with herself.
"Why don't you put it inside, now?"
"Okay."
"Good."
And that was that. She lay on her back, raised her knees and then let them fall apart. I rolled onto her small body and directed my prick towards her pearly gates.
It took some time before I was able to get inside her vagina. She was very small and a virgin. But we were both enjoying ourselves so much that each new bit of skin entered made it all worthwhile. Finally, though, I was able to go inside. We rested.
"Does that feel good?"
"Ummmmm . ... very..."
"Your first?"
"Of course!! ! " And she looked at me with feigned shock at such a question. Yes, my little girl was certainly learning the ropes.
"Do you like me?"
"Very much," she answered, squeezing her thighs together and capturing my cock inside her warm, smooth vagina.
"Will you want to do it again?"
"I'll want to do it every day, daddy, everyday! ! ! "
And then we began our first fuck for real. I began stroking her softly, easily while all the while going in deeper and harder. She was really getting behind it, thrashing and moaning beneath me like a woman of twice her age and experience. She loved it! And she kept calling for more, and more and more.
"Please . ... give me more ... come inside all the way! It's okay, it doesn't hurt!"
And then I came. She didn't that first time, but as the days passed and we learned how to love each other, she began to come almost every time.
Britt came to live with me and my life became a series of joys and pleasures of which I had never dreamed. She would always be playing jokes on me, putting down the taboos which frowned upon us and our activities. She knew and was always aware of what we were doing together, and she knew how to play with it.
After a year, however, she left. I found the note on the dresser in the bedroom. She addressed it to 'my dirty old man' and then proceeded to tell me that she was going to Europe for a while to 'work things out.'
Since then, I have seen many doctors. They help me to understand my problems and my tendencies. Yet, after all the words are spoken and after all the theories are handed down, I can only think of those years with Britt as being the happiest that I have ever had.
SUMMARY
This case represents what many experts today call the 'Lolita' syndrome. The desire to possess the nymphet is a very common one amongst men. Whether it becomes exposed or surfaces depends upon the individu-las background and environment.
In Jim's case, the environment played a very important part in the surfacing of his desire to possess young girls. Although we see that eventually it led to incest, it is quite possible that incest could have been only a secondary symptom.
Having been left high and dry by his wife, Jim found himself trying to satisfy his sexual cravings. His initial experiences seemed to indicate an attempt to develop relationships with women his own age. But because of the environment of the apartment complex, etc., he found it increasingly difficult to meet any prospects. Thus, his turning to voyeurism represents an initial step, of which he was aware, towards an unusual sex life. His 'dropping out' of the normal moral code allowed him to begin experiences with nymphs that otherwise he would have avoided.
Britt finds her own motivations based upon a duality which was running through her. First, she desperately wanted the love of a parent, and probably had she been younger she would have acted in other, less adult ways to get the attentions she so craved. But the fact that she had been sent away to school, and had obviously learned something about the sexual life of human beings, gave her the ability to use the power of womanhood and sexuality as bait for the love she could not otherwise receive from her father.
Both Britt and her father were the victims of a very unfortunate emotional situation. The fact that such drastic action as incest was taken on both their behalves illuminates the strength of their emotional needs. Neither was willing to forego what they needed emotionally because something was 'wrong.' Instead, they both went ahead and answered their own needs without regard to society's thinking on the matter.
It is conceivable that Jim and Britts' intelligence, plus their willingness to experiment and search, will lead them both into happier lives in the future. As is uncommon with most cases of incest, neither of them emerged from the relationship with at least, any visible scars.