Chapter 7
The case of Kim S. is somewhat different than the 'normal' cases we have discussed involving incest. In this story, received from the young lady herself via a tape recorder, we find that the initial moves and advances came from her instead of her father.
Kim was born and raised in a typical suburb of Southern California. Her childhood up until age seven was normal. At that time, her mother left her father for another man. Her father, a normally 'devout' man, then began what proved to be a series of emotional and professional failures. Throughout this period of time, when Kim was seven until she reached the age of thirteen, she attached herself to her father with a strange kind of devotion that led to incest.
Now seventeen years old and extremely beautiful, with straight black hair and shining green eyes, the luscious young woman is somewhat confused about her behavior during those years with her father. She sees herself at once as a 'savior' and then again as a moral outcast. It will take an extensive amount of care and intelligent help for the girl to realize that the truth is very rarely a black and white matter, but that her actions were the result of abnormal stress plus an extreme amount of sensitivity on her part.
It seems as though my childhood actually began that year when my mother left us. I don't remember too much about her, and the last real image I have of her was that night when she walked out of the house crying. She was screaming at my father, telling him that he just didn't 'understand' her feelings about this other man. After she left, my father broke down and began to cry. I remember that at that point I began to develop all my love for him and kind of let the love I had had for my mother sink away into nothingness.
After that day, it was just my father and myself. We lived a pretty good life and got along well with each other. We actually became great friends, and my father would always tell me that I was the 'last love left in his life.' I felt that way about him, too, and I guess the attitudes we held for each other made it easier.
It took about a year after mothers' leaving before things started getting strange. I guess a lot of it had to do with the discovery of my own sexuality or something, because I began to have strange feelings about living with my father.
At that time, I had two playmates, a brother and sister, who used to come over all the time. We would build tents out in the back yard and sit in them all day, just telling jokes and screwing around. Jimmy was about ten and his sister, my age. I remember them both well because it was with them that I began exploring those secret places where kids weren't supposed to go.
One afternoon, when it was very cold and dark, we crawled inside our tent. Then Jimmy asked if he could 'see me.' I didn't know what he meant at the time, but when he pointed up between my legs and giggled I had a pretty good idea. I was very willing to show him my vagina, so I lifted my dress and pulled down my panties.
Both of them peered up between my legs at my little crack. They stared at me in silence for five minutes. I had a strange feeling, kind of like a tingling inside my cunt which I couldn't explain. I asked Jimmy what that meant and he laughed. Then he asked me if I didn't want to see him. I was pretty interested, and still am to this day, in the male penis.
He pulled down his pants and there was his little cock all nice and pink. He had a small erection and he held it out for me to see. Then he told me to touch it and I did. Then he touched me and tried to push his finger up my vagina, but it hurt too much so he stopped. All this time Beth was there watching.
Soon, though, all three of us were naked. We spent the entire afternoon searching and playing with each others' sex organs. I was terribly thrilled about the whole thing, and got what I believed to be really excited. I mean, sexually excited. There was this vague feeling in my stomach and in my cunt that sort of called for release. It was like an explosion underground that was muffled by everything above it, but was still there anyway. I became very wary of everything after that day because nothing seemed to be the same anymore.
Not much happened until a year after that. My father lost his job and went on unemployment. He would spend the mornings looking for work and then take the afternoons and be with me. We saw a lot of each other then, and I thought the whole thing was a big party. But there was something wrong, and the longer he was around, the clearer it became that something bad was happening to him.
He would scream at me about little things, then kind of try and apologize but then, minutes later, yell at me again about something new. He was changing and I began to feel like it was my fault, that I was doing something really harmful to him. I was beginning to think desperately of some way I could please him, make him happy like he had been before.
One night I accidentally walked into the bathroom while he was taking a leak. I became instantly fascinated with the size and breadth of his cock. It hung out there like a hose, so big and powerful, shooting out his piss like a fire hose. He told me to leave, but I told him I wanted to watch. He finished peeing and started to put his prick back inside his pants, but left it hanging out instead. I know now that he was drunk that night.
"So you dig my prick, eh?"
"Yes," I replied, feeling that strange clutch in my stomach again, "I like it very much. It's much bigger than Jimmy's..."
"Of course it is, Kim, it's supposed to be..." And he took it into his hands and held it out for me to see. But it started growing and became very hard and huge. I stared at it, realizing that I had turned him on in some way. The feeling inside grew even more intense and I began shaking.
"You want to watch?"
I nodded that I did, not realizing what he was going to do. He started beating himself off, stroking his prick easily and smoothly. He came quickly, shooting off into the toilet and dripping some down onto the floor. I was amazed watching all this and shaking like a leaf. I felt my vagina begin to tingle and my arms and legs felt like they didn't belong to me anymore. When he was finished and his cock was soft again, he tucked it back into his pants. Then he stared at me with a very strange look in his eyes. I still don't know today whether that look was one of fear or desire, or a combination of both.
Life from that moment on seemed to revolve around sex. I know that sounds silly because I was only ten years old. But there was something which made me different, a constant ache between my legs which would not go away. For a time, I thought seriously about running away and becoming a nun or something. But I knew at the time that my father needed me badly, and I couldn't let him down. I decided finally to stay with him and please him as much as I could. I knew he was going down and that nothing was working for him. It became my job, I thought, to give him everything that he didn't have. I guess, I became like a little wife to him. But above all this, there was something I wanted from him, too, and I was determined to get it.
That night when I had watched him stroke his prick, I dreamed and thought about that huge throbbing rod almost constantly. It became my reason for living, and just the idea of it spurting out like that would send shivers down my back.
Now, the doctors tell me that I am sexually precocious. At that time, I didn't know what the word meant ... and didn't care.
I began to really get forward with my father after that night. Anytime I could, I would get a glimpse of his penis. In the shower, when he was dressing or when he was going to the bathroom I would make some excuse for interrupting him. Then, I would just stand there and look at his meat hanging there between his legs. Then, it occurred to me that maybe he was interested in seeing my body. And, I was more than willing to show it to him.
I began this practice one night after he had gone to bed. I took a shower, then wrapped a towel around me and went into his bedroom. I stood in the doorway and talked about my day. Just as I turned to go, I let the towel drop. I had no breasts or hair on my cunt, but I knew that I was quickly shaping into a good looking girl. When I turned around to pick up the towel, I lingered for just a second so that he could see my vagina.
His eyes were riveted on me and I knew I had turned him on. As I walked back to the bedroom, I didn't bother to put the towel back on.
My daring inspired him because after that night, he began walking around the house naked. It was like a dream come true whenever he would walk into a room, his dick hanging long and big between his legs, his balls swinging around when he walked. Soon, both of us were parading around naked and getting pretty turned on.
The first real encounter I had with my father was the result of my actions. I was becoming more and more daring, and was beginning to stop at nothing to turn myself, and him, on. The feeling came over me to do this thing one night when he was sitting, dressed only in his underwear, in the big chair in the living room.
I walked into the room stark naked. His eyes traveled up and down my body, and I let him take me in. Then, I walked over to him and plopped myself down on his lap. He was kind of shocked and I could feel his cock and balls moving underneath my ass as he tried to adjust himself.
"Uh, Kim," he said, his voice becoming very strained, "I don't know..."
"Don't know what, daddy?" I was playing coy. I thought of myself as very sexy and desirable, even though I really didn't know what it was to be a woman.
"About this, I mean, it isn't right..." But he was getting hard. His prick was rising up straight and true beneath me and penetrating through the crack in my ass. Once again, that feeling in my stomach returned. I became very excited at the thought that on this night we were going to go farther than we had ever gone before. I think now that we both knew that.
"Daddy, you're getting big..."
I jumped off his lap. His prick was standing like a tent pole beneath his shorts. He was blushing but there was nothing he could do to cover his state.
I reached towards him and began to pull down his shorts. I wanted him naked like I was, and I wanted to touch and stroke his cock.
"Kim, what are you doing."
"Just let me, daddy, I know what's happening."
He raised his hips. I pulled his shorts over his prong, letting the big, hard organ snap back into place. It was sticking straight up and glistening with moisture.
"It's beautiful ... just beautiful!"
I held him, running my fingers over his hot skin and feeling him up along the length. He was hard as a rock, and his prick seemed to me the strongest, most powerful thing I had ever seen. I followed the length down to the base, then squeezed him gently and grabbed one of his balls. I played with the sac, then ran my finger back up between them and to the top again. It was like exploring a new land, and with every inch of him I found a new thrill.
"Don't you want to touch me?" I asked.
He smiled, and seemed kind of happy for the first time in a long time. I threw myself onto the floor in front of him and spread my legs. He stared into my vagina, penetrating every inch of that dark valley with his intense eyes.
"Think I'm beautiful."
"Gorgeous ... absolutely gorgeous!" He kneeled down between my legs. Carefully, gently, he began stroking my legs. His hands were rough and smooth at the same time. I had never known a touch to feel so wonderful as his did that night. Then he moved his hands to inside of my thighs. I could feel his fingers trembling slightly as he approached my crack.
"Don't worry, it's okay..."
He moved his fingers to my opening and just stroked my lips. The waves of excitement that were shooting through are indescribable. I thought I would burst out of my skin and disappear into the night ... it seemed as though everything was about to explode.
"Put your finger inside me..."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, very sure ... "
His movements were careful, he was afraid of hurting me. As his finger spread my lips and entered me, I rose to a new level of feeling. I felt truly invaded for the first time in my life, and the sensation was great. I wanted more of him inside me, enough so that I would be completely filled by him.
He began massaging me, stroking the inside of my vagina with a finger fuck. I began moving my hips up and down, and our rhythm soon became matched into perfect balance.
I took his cock into both of my hands and began pulling on it. I wanted it closer to me, and knew that someday I would have it inside my cunt. For now, though, I was contented just to stroke him while he stroked me.
When he came, the hot stuff poured all over my stomach. I felt like a woman, taking his seed onto my flesh. It was a good, warm feeling and was enhanced when he fell on top of me afterwards. I spread my legs and wrapped them around his back, and his cock touched the opening to my vagina. I would have taken him inside me at that moment if I hadn't been afraid of tearing myself wide open. As it was, I was already on the verge of hysterics because of the excitement.
We rested for a while and then moved into the bedroom. We got into the same bed that he and my mother had once fucked in. I thought about that while I snuggled up against his warm body, and realized that maybe he was replacing her with me. That made me feel horrible.
"Did you love mother more than me?"
"No ... you are more beautiful and more satisfying than she ever was, Kim."
It was all right again. I fondled his prick and felt the strength of him as he grew in my hand. He was hard again, and I was sure that I was pleasing him.
I kissed him on the mouth. Opening my lips, I took his tongue into my mouth and met it with mine. Then I pulled away and kissed his neck, traveling down to his groin. I licked the head of his prick, then ran my tongue down the ridge underneath and between his balls. I took each ball into my mouth and sucked on it, then rode the ridge back to the tip again. I opened my mouth as wide as I could and blew hot air onto his before taking his cock into my mouth.
He moaned loudly as my lips encircled him. His pelvis moved towards me and I allowed him to shove as much of his hot, sticky meat into me as he could. As I rode him back and forth, he began fingering me.
"Let me, Kim ... move over and I'll show you something."
He pulled my mouth away from his prick and rolled me over on my back. He began by kissing each of my toes, then my ankles and on up to my thighs. When he reached those, he jumped across my belly and kissed my neck. Then he sucked each one of my nipples, making them erect to the point where they began to ache. Then he tongued me down the center of my stomach to my belly. As he got closer, he slowed down, driving me into agony.
"Hurry! Lick me, daddy, lick me!! ! "
His tongue followed the crack down between my legs. He reached my vagina and stuck his tongue inside. It was warm and soft, and he kept moving it in and out as though it were a cock working into the darkness of my cunt.
I closed my thighs around his head, trying to pull him even closer, trying to get more of his tongue into my vagina. It was a wild feeling having him bobbing and weaving there, tonguing me and driving me into ecstasy.
But after all that, I still had not been fucked. I realized that everything we did to each other was only a prelude to the big one ... but I also knew that he would not allow his prick to enter me until I had at least grown some hair and developed some tits. This I did at age twelve, and after a few months of watching the dark shadows crossing my cunt and feeling the strain of my breasts on my training bra, I knew .that it would not be long before we really got into some fucking.
I would never occur to me that my father felt guilt or remorse over what had taken place between us. I had accepted the whole thing as natural, a way of satisfying feelings and urges inside myself and inside him. Just because we were father and daughter did not change the fact that those feeling existed. As a matter-of-fact, I felt that it was better that we were doing with each other rather than having me parade around the streets fucking with every guy I met. But, father did have misgivings about it. And one night these fears came out.
I had been away on a vacation with a friend and her family for six weeks during the summer. With my tan, and the white skin around my breasts and pussy, I felt like a real woman. I mean, those parts had developed and I did have a good body. When I returned home, I was creaming inside my panties with anticipation. I knew that this would be the big one, the real fuck ... finally!
But my father was vague towards me after my return. He was modest and seemed ashamed to look me in the eye. A change had come over him, and there were definite signs that what we had done together had caused him a great deal of shame and guilt. I was beside myself, and could not determine how to approach him.
It was evident, through it all, that he was still excited by me. Those glances were still there and once in awhile the old smile would return for just a second, then disappear again. I knew I still could please him, and it would be a matter of time until I could draw him out and into my cunt.
I walked through the house during those days as though I were trying to make some total stranger. I mean, I wore a skimpy bathing suit, wrapped towels around me so that my breasts were just barely visible, and did about everything else I could think of to attract him to me. Finally, one morning as I walked through the house in my panties and bra, it happened.
He was standing in the hallway, watching me walk toward the kitchen. I could feel his eyes on me, and the tension began growing between my legs. I was already wet by the time I reached the kitchen.
"Kim!" I turned around and ran back into his arms. We held each other strongly, tearing at our clothes until we were naked in each others' arms.
"Fuck me, daddy, I've waited so long ... ! ! ! "
He carried me into the bedroom and put me down onto the bed. He smiled as he lowered himself between my legs. My cunt was throbbing wildly as I watched his cock come closer to its final destination.
I reached between our bodies and guided his prick to the opening of my vagina.
Slowly, so slowly, he began pushing inside. My lips were being spread farther than they had ever been, and the tearing sensation shook me completely.
"Go easy ... slowly ... slowly..."
He did. His movements were excited but controlled. I could feel his tension and his determination to control himself as though it were my own. Every inch inside my cunt was like an electric shock passing through both of our bodies at the same time.
"All the way, daddy, come in all the way!"
He reached the end and we rested. I held him tightly inside me, feeling the mass of his meat throbbing and pulsating between the wet walls of my cunt. We began tearing into each other with the rhythms we had been using for two years. At that moment, as we plunged our bellies into each other, it became clear that everything we had been doing was only to prepare ourselves for this night. It was the ultimate fuck, one that took two whole years of anticipation and practice to achieve.
I orgasmed for the first time in my life. The floods of pleasure seemed to keep coming, one after the other, until I felt as though there was nothing left of me. We melted into each other, and knew ourselves for those momerits as one. We had achieved the ultimate in communication, a state which I would never achieve again. I held onto the moment as long as I could, knowing that one such as this would never be mine again.
SUMMARY
Sexual precociousness is not too rare amongst children growing up in our society today. Because of better foods, better knowledge and earlier maturation, more and more young people are becoming sexually active at earlier ages than ever before. If we examine tribes and cultures around the world, however, we soon discover that early sexual activity is not uncommon.
Basically, Kim was driven to her seductive ways by a number of motivations. She wanted desperately to please her father, make up for the sadness left inside him by her mother. She also, within the same psychological structure, desired to replace her missing mother as her fathers' object of sexual lust. Had her sexual appetites and sexual desires been less highly pitched and less demanding, Kim would have adopted other, less controversial methods of achieving these ends.
Differentiating this case from the norm of father-daughter incest is the fact that the father was actually seduced openly by his daughter. His situation in life, typical of the fathers who fornicate with their own daughters, only allowed him to be seduced and did not drive him to instigate the act. Thus, he became an ironic sort of victim who, in statistical analysis, would have born the weight of the guilt for committing such an act.
In later years, Kim left her father and sought a normal life. The realization that she will never have what she had with her father plagues her, but not to the point of distraction. She has learned and experienced enough in her short life to realize that to condemn herself for what happened between her father and herself would only be foolish. She knows and has been made aware of those basic motivations which led her into the relationship, and through this knowledge, she will almost certainly achieve growth as a . normal and well-adjusted human being.
SUMMARY
In the previous seven case histories, certain patterns of behavior have emerged which reflect some very important changes within the overall sexual patterns of today's world.
In this day and age, we find that the young girls involved in the previous cases were more prone to sexual intimacies than were their counterparts a decade ago. Their knowledge and openness about sex reflects the society in which we live. It is a society which is slowly teaching the young about their sexual nature. Instead of waiting for six years after puberty, the young are knowing and learning at the moment of puberty and before. Thus, their knowledge is coinciding with the development of their bodies.
It is also evident within these case histories that patterns which have existed throughout the ages are still present. The basic attraction of an older man to a young girl, or the nymph syndorme, is still present today. It is a natural propensity instilled within the character structure of those individuals who have not reached the full flowering of maturity. In the cases presented here, we see how various traumas and strongly emotional events do effect the maturity of the men, and of their daughters.
Father-daughter incest is regarded by all as highly moral sin. There is no way in which the act can be condoned, and none will go that far. But there are ramifications, emotional and physical, which are slowly being unearthed that will, at least, lend a better understanding of its presence.
What can be done about this moral outrage is to try to inderstand, through the study of the individuals concerned, just what their motivations and needs were. In this way, the act itself would be less condemned and those energies then devoted to helping those who are affected to a more rewarding existence. Open discussion and the acceptance of human nature are the ways in which these ends may be achieved. It is hoped that the channels for discussion will continue to open so that all people will have a chance at achieving a more satisfying sexual existence and, thus, a more satisfying life.