Chapter 16
April awoke in the morning feeling much better about Bill Collins. Peg's assurances the night before had removed April's sense of unique guilt. She had not been the only one to succumb. But, beyond this, was the implied promise that as others had emerged unscathed from their errors, so might she. But she must end the affair as quickly and painlessly as possible.
She thought of ways and means before she got out of bed. She could not anger Bill or he might deliberately create a scandal. Even more, she did not want his new interest and work in science to stop because she intended to walk out of his love life. She faced a delicate problem but one she felt she could handle.
She threw back the covers and swung out of bed. Clad only in sheer nightgown, she went to the window that overlooked the enclosed back yard and raised the blind. A pale sun reflected from a smooth blanket of snow, marred only by the delicate traceries left by food-seeking birds. Trees stood with black skeleton limbs upraised. A winter scene-melancholy but symbolic of the temporary death of whatever had passed for love between herself and Bill.
April heard a slight sound behind her and turned.
Peg stood in the doorway. "Feel better, honey?"
"Much better."
Peg smiled as her eyes swept over April. She moistened her lips. "What a photographer could do with you!"
April realized that the light from the window behind her shot through the thin gown. She stood in soft silhouette and Peg's admiring gaze evoked an involuntary response in her.
She made a startled move away from the window but Peg said, "No, honey. I've never seen you so beautiful."
Peg came toward her. Her robe opened to reveal that she, too, wore no more than negligee. Her eyes held a wanton light.
April felt something catch in her throat. She wanted to escape but could not. She stood in a strange sort of hypnosis as Peg halted, almost touching her.
Peg's voice held muted wonder. "There should be a law against such perfection."
She touched April's cheek and then her shoulder. With light-fingered deftness Peg pushed down a shoulder strap and exposed April's breast. The hand dropped away and Peg looked at the rounded flesh, the pink nipple, lips parted.
She slanted a glance up at April's face, which was slack in amazement and dawning fear. Peg straightened abruptly and her crooked grin broke the strange spell.
"Couldn't help myself, honey. Now I know why Bill went after you. Better get dressed. We'll be late for breakfast and school."
She turned on her heel and strode out and down the hall to her own room. April remained by the window, staring after her. She looked down at her bared breast, hastily pulled the strap back over her shoulder.
She dressed, troubled thoughts chasing through her mind. She recalled those first impressions of Peg that she had dismissed as impossible. Had the incident just past confirmed them? Women often behaved affectionately toward others of their sex they liked-had Peg's gesture reached beyond the normal? April felt uncertain. Were Peg's demonstrations of admiration simply the effusions of an extremely extroverted woman-or were they tentative approaches to a more intimate relationship? Love of one woman for another-sexual love?
Dressed, April turned to the door and walked slowly downstairs. Peg worked in the kitchen and April's sharp eyes could find no change in her cheerful bustling around, no subtle difference in her voice as she commented on weather, the final push at school. Peg left with a casual wave and word.
Bill Collins remained after the others had left the late chemistry class. He looked speculatively at April, who made final notations in her record book.
"How about that experiment, April?"
She looked up. "Of course, Bill. Set up the paraphernalia. I'll be in shortly."
He grinned and turned into the lab. April worked with deliberate slowness. She wanted to start her break with Bill right away and wondered how. Finally she decided simply to wait for an opportune moment-he was sure to give her an opening. She closed the record book and walked into the lab.
Bill worked at a bench. She came to him, inspected the set-up and read the experiment problems. He stood aside, watching her and April felt too aware of him.
She did not look at him as she said, "You may start the experiment. I don't think you'll need me until we have to check the results."
She turned away and he said, "April."
She faced him, striving to keep her expression impersonal. "Yes?"
He frowned. "What's with this act?"
"No act. You can handle this alone and I have work to do in there. Call me when you've finished."
His eyes narrowed. "You're treating me like I'm a student or something."
"You are, Bill."
"I'm Bill Collins, April-remember?"
His long arms encircled her waist and she found herself pulled tight against him. His lips crushed down on hers. She stiffened and then, his touch, his lips routed resistance. She felt his powerful body against hers and could not help the warmth that flooded through her. Her mouth moved under his and, for a moment, she surrendered to his embrace. Then reason and determination returned. She stiffened, broke free of his lips, though his sinewy arms still held her.
She gained control of her ragged breath. "Bill, I think we should-"
"Make love, April. You make me hungry for it."
His arms tightened and her resolve wakened. She began to struggle almost in terror and finally, violently, broke loose, stepped back. She breathed heavily, shakily. He waited, eyes too knowing and aright with desire.
"Bill, I-please-"
She was unable to force out the final words. What she had to tell him would hurt them both-but he would bear the brunt. The break would be her choice-not his-and he had fewer years to fall back on than she.
She postponed the inevitable. "Bill, we're in school. Anyone could break in and-I'll be in the next room if you need me."
"I'll need you, April."
She caught the double meaning but ignored it. She hurried into the other room, dropped into the chair behind her desk and wondered if he would follow her.
He did not. She heard faint noises as he moved about in the lab.
April took a deep breath and tried to put down the sensuous warmth he had aroused in her. Her mind lashed in cold fury at her body. After a while she again breathed evenly and her memories of other times with Bill died down to a smolder. Flames still seemed to lurk just at the edge of her consciousness, ready to burst into a conflagration in an instant. She listened to him, felt sorry for him-and for herself. She knew she could not guarantee her reactions if she let him come close to her again.
She took a slip of paper from her desk and hastily scribbled, Forgot an appointment. Will check experiment results tomorrow. A.W.
She swept up her class report and left the note on the bare desk. He would be sure to see it. She threw a glance toward the lab and fled silently out of the budding and to her car.
Just before dinner, the phone rang. Bill's low voice made her start guiltily. "You ran out on me."
She answered as firmly as she could, "The note told you why."
"Oh, sure-but it won't be that easy next time."
"Now, Bill, listen to me-"
The phone went dead. She cradled the receiver, accused herself of lack of courage but swore she would not fail the next time. She went into the dining room where Peg already sat at the table. Peg did not look up and April settled gratefully to the meal.
Again they worked on students' papers, coffee pot shuttling between them. April found the work and the silence of the house oppressive and memory of the afternoon's episode with Bill prodded her mind to restlessness. She suddenly found herself longing to be far away with Bill-free of duty and conscience and surrendering to passion. She forced the pointless yearning out of her brain.
The room came into focus as her mind cleared for a moment. Peg sat in the big easy chair, considering her through the spiraling smoke of her cigarette. April nervously refilled her cup.
Peg broke the silence. "Want to tell me about it?"
April started to shake her head then abruptly placed the cup on the table. "I tried to do as you suggested."
Peg's voice was calm statement, not question. "It didn't work."
"No."
Peg inclined her head toward the dark hall and the phone. "Was it Bill who phoned? Did you run out on him?"
April nodded. "I ran, Peg. I had to. I left a note and a phony excuse. I couldn't face making a clean break. That's pretty awful, isn't it?"
Peg crushed out her cigarette. "Not awful-just smarter than giving in to him. Forget it for now. Let's go to bed."
April gathered up her work and went upstairs. She undressed, slipped into nightgown and climbed into bed. She turned out the light and sought sleep. It would not come. She tossed restlessly. "Honey?"
The soft voice, so close, startled her. She twisted about. In the dim light, she saw Peg's full form, ghostly in negligee, standing beside the bed. Peg sat down beside her.
"Can't sleep?"
"No-damn it."
"I know," Peg said softly. "I'm like that sometimes. Maybe we can help one another."
Peg twisted to lean her back against the bed's headboard. Her arm went about April's shoulders. She drew April's head to her breasts. April felt a strangeness in their intimacy but did not pull away. Peg said nothing but her very silence held comfort.
The slow even rhythm of Peg's breath had a contagious calmness. They sat unmoving for a long time. Then, slowly, Peg's hand moved to April's breast beneath the thin material of the gown. It rested lightly there, then moved slightly, palm over the nipple. April stirred slightly but the palm remained, light as a feather.
Despite herself, April felt herself beginning to react. Peg's hand moved slowly, carefully, to bare April's breast.
She said softly, "Honey, you're beautiful."
She bent her head and her lips touched April's. A streak of sensuous fire coursed through April, so sudden and powerful that she started up, gasping.
"Peg!"
"What, honey? What's wrong?"
"This is."
"Oh?" Peg stood up. She looked down at April. Her voice held gentle patience. "A lot of people want to love you, honey."
She moved and was gone, a ghost that disappeared through the dark doorway.