Chapter 7
ADOLESCENT HOMOSEXUALITY
During the latent period in normal child development, generally consisting of from age six to age ten, a certain amount of homosexuality is considered normal. Boys will band together with boys, and girls will band with girls, with the groups remaining separate. Where there is sexual experimentation during this period, it is generally between members of the same sex-and it is normal and natural.
But the child doesn't suddenly cease having homosexual tendencies or ideas when he reaches the age of ten. Indeed, both the tendencies and the practices frequently not only continue but grow a little stronger, because the sexual glands are functioning more strongly, stimulating the sexuality of the individual. It has been my experience, from interviewing hundreds of youngsters of all ages, that in the early days of puberty many who had actually gone through the "normal" homosexual period without experiencing homosexuality will find themselves entering into it because their sexuality is awakened, because they have a closeness with friends of the same sex, and because it is a normal drive to experiment with sex and sexuality. Two boys sleeping together will fondle each other's organs, find them erect, and because of the sensations they are having go on to orgasm. The same with two girls; they may fondle each other's breasts, interested in the growth of them as compared to their own, and experiment with each other's vagina. With those body parts being extremely sensitive, this experimental play frequently leads to actual sexual experiences. Many girls, partially from instinct and partially from the things that they have heard, will experiment with introducing various objects to their own vaginas and to those of their close friends-again, frequently to the point of orgasm.
The tendency and the normal trend is to move on from these same-sex experiments and experiences to those involving the opposite sex. The individual moves further away from that natural homosexuality and more toward the normal heterosexuality that will be expected of him. If all goes well, he makes the transition with few problems.
But as the individual moves into adolescence, as has been pointed out earlier, he is only too well aware of-and very conscious of-his own sexuality. With his body changing, with new avenues for pleasurable sensations being opened to him, unless his training has been extremely strict he will experiment with any form of sexuality that becomes available. That frequently involves a mixture of homo-and heterosexuality.
Ironically enough, even as the average boy moves toward manhood-and sees manhood as expressed at least in part by his ability to "make it" with women-he retains an interest in homosexuality. Given the opportunity, he generally will experiment with it. It can again only be pointed out that such experimentation is not the earth-shaking thing that far too many adults make it out to be; evidence indicates that it is not at all unnatural nor even particularly unhealthy. If the individual's background has not been such that he will find so much psychological satisfaction through homosexual experiences that he cannot move on (and that includes not only sexual gratification, but deeper feelings toward and frequently shared with other persons of the same sex), he will, in fact, move on with no ill effect from the experiences. (This is probably true to a lesser extent with girls-while there is homosexuality among females, it is apparently not as rampant as it is between males.)
At any rate, during the course of the interviews I conducted with hundreds of teen-agers preparatory to the compiling of this book, I discovered that experimentation involving homosexuality is not at all uncommon. If anything, the number of boys who do participate thus is growing, especially because the "veil of secrecy" has been removed and homosexuality is more out in the open, and because of the more liberal general approach to sex.
I am, of course, speaking of homosexual experiences per se, as opposed to the almost accidental introduction of homosexual elements in the cases cited in the previous chapters. And in speaking of such cases, I would divide them into two main groups: the boys who experience homosexual relations as a result of chance meetings or opportunities, and those who, because they have heard about it, deliberately set out to find a sex partner of the same sex. In the majority of these cases the younger boy is the passive partner in the homosexual relation-he is only experimenting in terms of what the sensations for his own person are. He does not often reciprocate. In the parlance of the homosexual population, this boy is "trade"-or, in the more blunt words of such a person, "He's one who'll he back and be blown, but won't blow in return."
Jack S. is an example of a boy who entered a homosexual experience-or who experimented with homosexuality-as a result of a chance meeting. Given the opportunity, curious as most youngsters are, he became a part of the experience. He gave the following account:
I'm seventeen, I've had a bit of experience. Nothing to write a book about, but I'm satisfied. I'd done a lot of fiddling around, playing the field, and finally I settled down and started going steady with this one girl-we'll probably eventually get married, when I get out of school and find a job.
Anyway, going steady-well, you just naturally get closer to a girl than if you just go out with her once in a while. You get to know more about her and she gets to know more about you. Not only about what you think and feel and all, but ... well, physically. In other words, we'd started having sex and we both liked it, so whenever the time was right we went to bed together. She's got a beautiful body, I love to feel it. I could spend a night running my hands over her, kissing her all over. Lovely breasts, big without being too big,-nice nipples that perk up when I tongue them , and ... well, we're a good fit when we get going. Before, I had trouble getting into some girls, but not Brenda. She knows how to relax but at the same time help me until I get it worked into her, then it's snug as a bug in a rug, to use an old expression, and we go for that. Sometimes we just lie there for a long time with my prick buried in her, feeling real close, then we start in and move slowly to a beautiful, mutual climax.
This one evening I found myself especially interested in having sex for some reason. I don't know, maybe I'd heard or seen something, maybe I was just in the mood. Anyway I was hot for it but wouldn't you know ... she had the rag on! Well, we necked a little, but that's for the birds. I mean, necking only gets you hotter, if you're not going to be able to finish it off, you better stay away from it. At least that's the way I figure. So I left early.
I was walking along when this car went by, sort of slow. It turned the corner and disappeared, but then it came back. A sort of youngish fellow, maybe in his late twenties, not bad looking. He asked if I wanted a ride, so I got in. I don't know why, maybe I was just pent up with it or something, but I told him my sad tale of woe-that I'd been hot to go, but my girl had been out of commission. He sort of chuckled. "So what's the next step?" he said. "Does that mean you go home and jack off?"
It sort of threw me, embarrassed me a little, but I laughed and said, "Yeah, that's probably what'll happen." Because the truth is, that probably is what would have happened. When I get going I've got to keep going, one way or another.
He put his hand on my leg. "You're a good looking kid, it seems a shame to waste all that talent on the hand method. You ever think of substitutes?"
Well, I swallowed; I felt funny as hell. I mean ... Well, I don't know what I mean. I wasn't exactly sure right at that moment what he had in mind. So, stalling, I asked him what he meant. His hand moved up; his fingers were lying limply over my cock-but my damned cock decided that it didn't want to be so limp. Maybe it caught on before I did. Anyway, it started stretching out, swelling, going big down my leg and under his hand. "As long as your girl can't take care if you, why not come with me? That'd be better than beating your meat, wouldn't it?"
I gave it one hell of an argument. I mean ... well, I'd heard a little about homosexuality, not a hell of a lot, just enough to have the general impression that it wasn't the thing to do. But I was hot, I was hard, his hand did feel good on my cock, and he seemed like a nice enough guy. "Well," I sort of stuttered, "what ... what do you mean by substitute? What'd happen?"
He chuckled. "That'd be partly up to you. Except...."
When he didn't go on I asked him. "Partly up to me and except what?"
"Well," he answered, "my first thought would be that a boy like you, hot to fuck his girl, might want a substitute cunt. Namely, in this situation, my ass. But from the feel of your cock ... Well, I'm not sure I could take it. You've got quite a hunk of meat there, fella!"
"Well ... well, then, what's the 'except'? Or is that it? I mean, if you couldn't take it in the ass, then that's it, huh?"
"No," he said softly, "there's an alternative." He pulled over to the side of the road in a sort of dark place. "Pull your pants down, take your cock out. I'll give you a sample and you can see if you want to go to my place and finish."
Well, hell, I told myself, why not? What did I have to lose? I undid my pants, slipped them down over my legs. My old prick was right up there, willing and able. He leaned over, and I felt his mouth on it. He licked the head real gently with his tongue, circled his tongue around the whole big head, and it sent good feelings through me. Then he slid his mouth down over the shaft, moved his head up and down a couple of times, and man, I raised up clear off the seat! That was some kind of a feeling! And the more he did it, the better it felt; all of a sudden my old ass was moving. I was shoving it in and out of his mouth while he moved his mouth up and down on it. Then he pulled away. "What do you say?"
"Well, that's a pretty stupid question!" I half-laughed. "Man, if you'd kept that up a couple of more times you'd have gotten a mouthful!"
"Want to go finish it off, then?"
Like I said, that was a stupid question. We went up to his apartment, a fairly nice place, and he said that there was no reason for formality. As long as we knew what was going to happen anyway, why didn't I strip. "Why strip?" I asked him. "You can get at it like that." With it hanging out my pants, I meant.
He shook his head. "This is obviously your first experience; I want it to be a nice one. One you'll remember!"
What he meant was that when I was naked and lying on the bed, he started in. I wouldn't have believed it! If anyone had told me that it was going to happen I'd have rebelled, but there I was, lying naked on his bed, my cock hard as a rock, and he started in. He started kissing me, little kisses all over my shoulders and chest, down my belly, all around my cock and up and down it. Under my scrotum, all around my balls, down my legs! Honest to Pete, it damned near drove me nuts, the sensations were so great. Then he took hold of my prick right at the base, hunched between my legs, and lowered his mouth to it. Kissed it again. Real lovingly, licked the head all around, then slid his mouth over it again. His mouth started moving up and down; I started getting that good feeling. My ass quivered, then it went into action. I got his head between my hands and I started fucking him in the mouth, raring to meet his mouth every time he slid down over it. I don't know that it felt any better than a pussy-even any better than Brenda's tight pussy-but it felt mighty awful god damned good.
When I shot it was as good as any shooting I'd ever done. Damned near turned me inside out. My old prick fired off, then it fired again and again, about six times before I finally went limp all over.
He'd been right about one thing. I remembered it later. I remembered it enough that the next time things didn't work with Brenda and I, it didn't bug me. I headed straight for his apartment. A guy's mouth may not be a pussy, but it sure beats a hand job all to hell! And I had learned one thing for sure-it doesn't hurt you at all. I can still give Brenda the full treatment, that's still my preference, but ... like he said, that's a fine substitute when you can't get the real thing. He gives me sensations that even Brenda can't give me. I wouldn't have gone out looking for it, but I'm glad I ran into it!
Fred G. was another seventeen year old, a fairly good looking boy with a good build. He was popular among his peers, which also meant that his sex life was far from lacking (as he pointed out), but he had heard about homosexuality and wanted to experiment. He went looking for the opportunity. He recalled:
I guess I'm just a curious person, and when it comes to sex I'm all the more curious. I like to try all kinds of things. I like to compare things. Like girls' tits. I make it a hobby of comparing girls' tits-inside their dresses and then, if I'm lucky, when they're outside. I like to look at asses, hips and thighs, and try to figure out what the pussy is going to be like-a flappy one from a lot of use, or a nice tight little one. That sort of stuff.
When it comes to the bed scene, I go in for straight fucking when the time is right, but when ever I get the chance, I like to play around a little, get in something a little different. Sometimes I try three or four different kinds of things with the same girl, the same night-because once I get going, I can pop anywhere from six to eight loads, and I like to. So, say I go out with a girl. It's the first time, I'm being cagey. I feel her up, get her hot, get her naked, and pour it to her straight. She thinks I'm a nice, normal boy who just likes to dip his candle in her candle holder the way her mama told her boys would start wanting to do. But then I go into what her mama probably didn't tell her ... a nice little siege of doing it doggie-fashion, 'cause that's an altogether different kind of feeling. Next go-round, she says her pussy's too tired, so I start kissing it, being sympathetic, you know, but that kissing gets her riled up again, especially when I start slithering my tongue in and out-but at the same time she starts doing things she probably never even thought about. Namely, reaching out for my prick and wrapping her sweet lips around it! She goes for it so that when I dump a load she swallows it, thinking nothing about it! Maybe she has, maybe she hasn't, dumped a load for my taste buds, it doesn't make that much difference. If she's still too tired, I just love her up, and loving her up, my love organ gets hard against her belly again-I sing the blues, and while we're kissing and I'm messing with her tits, she jacks me off. Anything for kicks, that's me, the bigger the variety the better.
Well, when I was younger, maybe around eleven or twelve, I'd done my share of jacking off-and I'd gotten together with friends of mine and we'd done it together. It's not a hell of a lot to remember, because at that time you've still got little old pricks that ought to be ashamed of themselves; they're trying to be big men but they're still little fingers. But I get to remembering that a little, especially when I hear the guys yakking about queer stuff. They talk about all that, you know, whether they do it or not. I think half of them want to, the way they use the right words ... like suck my cock, bend over I'll fuck you in the ass ... I think they really want those things to happen. Well, I thought about it, and I did. I wanted to try everything, and I'd tried just about everything there was to try with girls.
There's a bar in our town where the "gay" kids hang out-that's what they call homosexuals, you know. And they aren't exactly kids, or they couldn't be in the bar-but anyway, they hang out there. So when I get the idea I might like to see what a blow job feels like, or a little ass-fucking, I prance myself merrily down. All kinds of preparations, you know, because I've heard about things. I've showered and combed my hair neat. I'm a pretty little boy! Got a tight tee-shirt on that shows my chest muscles, even the nipples-'cause I guess the gay boys go for men's-tits about the same way other fellows go for girls' tits. And tight pants-no shorts, of course, because your apparatus doesn't show off as well. It's what they call your "basket," all that business in your pants. So I sit against the fender of a car, legs out in front of me a little, my hands in my pockets to pull my pants tight and show what I've got inside there. Even soft you can tell; the pants are so tight you can see the head perfectly defined, the shaft, and the little cushion of balls that your prick is resting over.
A guy comes out, he checks you over. You check him over. You say to yourself, too old. Naw, you tell him if he talks to you, you're waiting for someone, you can't go have coffee with him.
Another one comes out, he's fairly young, fairly good looking, he's got a good build. He isn't the swishy kind-hell, if I wanted a woman I'd go get one. I don't want a womanish man. He checks me out, he likes what he sees, he takes a cigarette out, sticks it in his mouth and asks me if I have a light. I light his cigarette, checking him a little further, and telling myself that yeah, this is the one, I'd like to see what it'd feel like for him to suck my cock.
We get to his apartment. He mixes us a drink. He sits next to me, we're talking-and we both know what's going on but we pretend that we don't. Then his hand's on my leg, then it sneaks into my crotch-and it finds what it wants. A hard cock. Thirty seconds later my pants are down around my ankles, he's between my legs, and he's swinging on me. It's great stuff, he's got an educated mouth. He kisses my balls for a while then goes back to work on my ramrod. The vein in it swells, my ass starts wiggling, I start the fuck motion. I give him a mouthful of joy juice, so thick some of it drips out; he can't swallow it all. Man, that was some blow job, that was all right.
The next guy has another kind of a thing. He likes to get it in the ass. Well, so much the better; like I said, I like variety. We're naked in his bed, but he doesn't roll over onto his belly like I think he's going to. Instead, he lies there on his back. He gets me lying on top of him, his big old cock up between us and mine shoving between his cheeks. Then his ass muscles get busy, and that is a wild feeling! My old cock gets slurped up into his brownie, and I start romping. I drive it home, smashing his balls, pull it out, drive it home again. He's got his ass up nice, it not only receives, it helps; and the feeling I get starts getting better. The next thing you know I shove it in so far it has a chance of coming out his mouth, but it doesn't; it just rests in brownie-land and pukes itself dry! But at the same time he's shot up between us; it's one hell of a sticky mess. But at least I know what it feels like to fuck a guy in the ass; it wasn't bad at all.
The next guy tries to talk me into playing games, but I tell him I don't go that route. No sixty-nines for this kid, not unless it's a woman on the other end. He's disappointed, but he blows me-and while he's blowing me he jacks off. Well, that's all right, I don't mind a guy getting his rocks off. I've had a blast shooting my load down his gullet!
I fuck a couple of girls in between, just to prove that I'm still a Casanova, I can hook 'em and fuck 'em! Then I go back to see what other little surprises there are in queerland. The next one's sort of funny; I even surprise myself by going for it. He's another young guy, maybe that's why-not much older than me. So we're naked in his bed and he gets me up on top of him. I figure I'm going to get my film in his brownie again ... but instead of that, he gets our cocks pulled up between our bellies, two hunks of meat lying side by side, sleeping together like real buddies. But they don't sleep long. He starts moving his body and the feeling isn't bad; he spreads his legs, moves more, and the friction gets better. First thing you know I'm moving my hips, too, and our old pricks are having themselves one nice little time in the love nest. They both spew out their answers to it at the same time, the juices spurting up between our bellies. They lie there and go limp in that sticky wetness, then I roll off.
That bugs me a little, that's pretty close to liking to do things with boys, so I track down a piece of girl-type people and pour it to her.
But that's the answer! Sure I go in for the homo stuff once in a while, on the doing end. It's real kicks, you get your rocks off fine, but then you go back to girls and, if anything, it's all the better. When I find a girl who can keep me satisfied, I'll give up the guys. Meantime, yep, I'll go back for more. Once in a while. My old prick, it isn't choosy-it likes boys and girls. Well, it likes whatever brings it to life, whatever makes it spit out its joy juice.
Thus we see that many boys-sometimes by fluke of circumstances, sometimes by deliberate choice-experiment with homosexuality. The case cited above is probably an extreme one; the boy obviously enjoyed not only varieties in sex, but homosexual acts themselves-for whatever reasons he had. Most youngsters who do experiment with homosexuality, whether it be by accident or by their own design, do it only once-or, at most, two or three times. They want to know about life, all of life; they are experiencing new sensations from and through their bodies, so given the opportunity, they experiment in that way, too.
But I believe, although many of my colleagues might not agree with me, that it goes even deeper than that. We all have homosexual tendencies within us-indeed, as has been mentioned, we all go through homosexual stages of development. When the teen-ager, conscious of his "newly acquired" sexuality, begins to experiment, he is definitely asking himself who he is and where he is going. This must include the answer to a question that is not given concrete form, but is in the subconscious mind. That question: Am I really a homosexual?
For most young people the question presents no problem-if it is in the subconscious mind, it is easily erased. They plunge into their heterosexual lives and they find that the homosexual period lies in the past. For others the answer is not so pat, and consequently they must investigate it further. They dabble in homosexuality, unconsciously challenging themselves, It is a necessary step for total maturity-they must face the question, whether they are, aware of it or not. If they are able to participate, even as a passive partner, in homosexuality and then move on to heterosexuality, then the question is answered. Through such experimentation they may honestly say to themselves that they have, indeed, left that homosexuality behind them-in much the same way that lizards and snakes shed their skins and leave them behind.
Occasionally the individual, the teen-ager, experiments in homosexuality and does not move on. Rather, if he has participated in heterosexuality, he may decide to leave that behind, and to take on the life of the homosexual. This is the youngster whose life has prepared him for such an event-but he has had to go through all the gyrations, because he, like all other teen-agers, unfamiliar with his sexuality, learning about it, learning what it is (what he is) ... has to learn to live with it.
In either event, sexual experimentation of this nature, contrary to common belief, is not the fearful, frightening thing that it is sometimes made out to be. This has become a more widely accepted fact-and with the wider acceptance will come a more realistic approach-and the few problems that are still involved will be resolved. But even if they aren't, teen-agers will frequently experiment with homosexuality-it is a natural inclination. As one boy rather tersely described it, "If he's telling the truth, there isn't a kid alive who wouldn't want to find out what it feels like to get a first-class, homo blow job."