Introduction
Repetitive as it might seem, no book on the sexual activities of teenagers can overlook mentioning that sexuality is a normal part of growth and development. The growing child, from the day of birth on but especially after puberty, can no more ignore sex than he can willingly stop breathing. Sex and sexuality is as normal a part of him as his breathing!
That does not mean that some youngsters are not inhibited in terms of sex. Indeed, far too many are! Overly strict or misinformed parents (or, perhaps, uninformed parents) may drive sexual thoughts underground and deny sexual activities, but the child does not become asexual. If his normal development is so impeded, he is merely left susceptible to far more serious problems, ranging from actual physical ailments to severe psychological problems.
In the course of my work with disturbed and/or delinquent youngsters, it has become increasingly clear to me that one of the most important factors in development is the sexual one. Because of the important part that it plays in both the physical and psychological life of the individual-and, as a result, even in the social life-it stands head and shoulders above all others. As a matter-of-fact, the child who is physically crippled is in far better shape than the child who is crippled in his sexual development, provided his sexual needs have been given consideration.
I would not go so far as to say that all the problems of youth are based on sexuality, but I honestly believe on the basis of my experience with youngsters that far more are than is generally believed. I have handled boy after boy who has been incarcerated for robbery or truancy or some other form of anti-social behavior, only to find that the real problem was sexual in nature. In one case the boy was fighting back at parents who had thwarted his sexual development, unconscious of that reason. In another the boy was using robbery as a means of "getting back" at a mother who was promiscuous but demanded sexual abstinence from him. A young girl, incarcerated for prostitution, was actually using "tandem sex" as a means of filling a psychological need created by well-intentioned but misinformed parents. The list goes on!
The important thing is that we accept sex as a normal part of development-at least that we understand that it is both normal and imperative. We must understand, too, that if that normal sexuality of the growing child is inhibited or tampered with, he may develop problems that may seem unrelated but are not. While I certainly do not encourage an over-emphasis on sex, neither can there be an under-emphasis. I have found it important and strong enough to use it as one of the first clues in seeking the reasons why young people act as they do in various areas. I think I can safely say that in at least eight out of every ten cases, sex has, indeed, been involved-either overtly or as a hidden cause of other types of behavior.
What this implies is that in order to fully understand youngsters we must understand their sexuality. Not only must we understand the normal developmental patterns, from infancy on, but we must understand what can happen to them when those developmental patterns are irregularly or incompletely allowed to develop. But above all, we must understand that sexuality is a vital part of their total existence; to repeat, it is as natural and as important to them as their breathing.
In this book you will see examples of sexual experimentation among teenagers. Many of the cases cited will perhaps give the reader the idea that the young people involved are abnormal, degenerate, or sexually psychopathic. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It is a perfectly normal part of growth and development for the child to experiment; with puberty, when his sexual apparatus, as it were, begins to function, the need to experiment not only continues but sometimes takes on new forms, new activities. As often as not the form of experimentation and the activities involved are the result of circumstances-the age of the participants, the individuals with whom he or she comes in contact, and what the past experiences of both parties (or more, when it is group activity) have been. Some young people, rare though they are especially in this day and age, go through adolescence without ever becoming involved in sexual experimentation other than that of an autoerotic nature (masturbation, solitarily satisfied fetishes, and so on); others participate in sexual experiences that would, to use an old cliche, make your hair curl. Again, the type, the form, is dependent on what the child and his environment are and have been, and the circumstances he finds himself in, as well as the people with whom he comes in contact. But sexual experimentation itself, especially from puberty onward, is a normal, natural, and generally healthy thing.
In order to stress this point, I might give you a couple of examples of young people who were not allowed this normal behavior. An attractive, well-developed teen-aged girl was brought to me recently. To all outward appearances she was a normal, healthy child-but she had become a kleptomaniac, a compulsive thief. Her parents were fairly well to do and had made restitution in the several thefts where the girl had been apprehended, but they were ridden now with shame, and fearful of what the future would bring. After several extensive interviews with the girl, I discovered that from a time just previous to her entry into puberty her mother had begun what could only be described as a concentrated campaign at turning the girl away from sex. She had made the girl almost ashamed of her own body, terrified by the "shameful" feelings that she sometimes experienced, and completely incapable of entering into the sex-play that is normal among growing children. The girl had used kleptomania for two purposes: she was subconsciously punishing her mother for what the mother had done to her, while at the same time experiencing "thrills" (the possibility of being caught) that gave her vicarious sexual pleasure. She admitted, in fact, that on several occasions she had experienced minor orgasms while in the process of stealing from department stores.
In another case a sixteen year old boy was on the verge of expulsion from school because of "constantly disruptive behavior in class, and being a bully outside the classroom." The description hardy matched the good-looking, almost timid and well-mannered boy who came to my office after we had reached the point where he could trust me. In the course of the interviews that follow, the true story was exposed. Just entering puberty, he had become almost overly conscious of his growing penis, and he masturbated quite frequently. His mother caught him on one occasion when he had neglected to lock the bathroom door, and the scene that followed was one that he remembered now only with difficulty. His father picked up where his mother left off once he had arrived home, and there were threats of cutting the boy's penis off if he were caught again at that or any other type of sexual behavior. But he was caught again. That time the father, using a different approach, showed him pictures of sexual organs that had been infected with venereal diseases-but implanted in the boy's mind the idea that it was the result of "kids messing around with sex before marriage!" The boy had been literally terrified, the parents successful in thwarting his normal interest in sexuality-but as he grew older and felt strong pulls toward others, especially with sexual connotations, he rebelled against those pulls. To give in would lead to horrible results, he was sure. He took another way out; he made himself generally disliked through poor behavior, and so was saved from the feelings that were trying to grow within him.
Those two cases merely indicate what can happen when a wrong approach to normal sexuality is taken. It would have been healthier for both of those youngsters, as it is for every youngster, to be allowed the experimentation that is not only natural but necessary. Those parents, as too many parents do, panicked at the thought of their children having sexual lives of their own prior to the socially acceptable sexuality after marriage (and, ironically enough, even parents who have experimented themselves as children and adolescents will panic as quickly!). They failed to realize, or to find out if they did not know, that their children were not "bad" and that they would in all probability go through the experimental phase and settle down as married, constructive citizens. Many parents are well-intentioned when they do that-they do not want to see their daughters pregnant or their sons responsible for pregnancy at too early an age-but the damage that they do is far greater than pregnancy or early marriage would be.
But to get back to the original subject. Experimentation is and always has been a normal part of development. It starts from the day of birth, when the baby touches parts of his own body and feels sensations; it continues as he grows and sees more of life. He will want to investigate other children to see if they have the same "things" on their bodies; he will investigate his parents' bodies whenever he gets the chance. As he gets older he will find the parts of his body that provide pleasurable sensations, and experiment not only with those body parts but with different methods of using them, different objects that might provide new feelings (for example, the mere process of defecating is pleasurable, therefore at one stage of development the child will experiment with his anus. One child of three almost drove his mother frantic by inserting various objects in his own anus, experimenting with the feelings of both insertion and extraction).
As the child sees things he will experiment more-and the things that he sees frequently include sex play and actual sexual activity by adults. Seeing, he will imitate. As often as not one child will draw another into experimentation because of the experiences he has had or witnessed. And so it goes ... until finally the child reaches puberty and literally blossoms out. Both boys and girls, at that time, have just passed the homosexual stage; now, as their sex organs are developing, or beginning to function (both internally and externally), they are more conscious of sex per se. They are interested in their own developing bodies, and in the bodies of those around them-as well as with the sensations that the human body can provide or be provided with. Little wonder, with their growing wisdom and growing bodies, that they will want to experiment. Man does, after all, seek pleasure.
Experimentation, then, is and always has been perfectly normal. I believe that it would be safe to say that everyone, including the religiously oriented, experiment at least to some extent as children. What has changed of late, however, is that our total societal attitudes toward sexuality have become more liberal, and there is more to arouse interest. People talk and act more freely-and while one family may be very careful and even strict about sexuality, the family next door may not be, so when the children of the two families get together one introduces the other to what he has seen or heard. Words that were not used in public previously have become a part of the normal language; children are aware of perversions, homosexuality, and other deviant sexual activities, whereas children of a generation or two ago may have gone through their entire lives without ever having heard of them. Being more liberal, and being vitally interested in everything about life, the teen-ager of today has a tendency to experiment as totally as possible.
One boy said to me recently, "You have to find out who you are and what you like. Nobody can tell you that, you have to find out for yourself. Me, I try everything I can, everything I hear about. I've tried pot, I took one LSD trip. I didn't like them, so I quit. I screwed a girl the usual way, another one dog-fashion. I let another boy suck my cock, then I sucked his. We took turns using each other's ass. I figure you have to try everything!" While that may sound extreme, it appears to be at least a trend-and, again, there is no reason to be nervous about it, to look at it as a weapon of destruction. With rare exception, the child who experiments is not hurt by it; he might be hurt if he did not. Unanswered questions can cause problems. Through experimentation questions are answered. And through experimentation an understanding of others may grow-a tolerance may be developed. Generally speaking, the individual goes through his "experimental phase"-which may last into his twenties-and then settles down to a normal, married life. There seems to be reason to believe that this actually helps to solidify the marriage; if both partners have experimented, answered all the questions that they might have encountered, they are more ready and able to settle down to a relationship that may be much more mutually satisfying.
For point of reference, I am not advocating the encouragement of unbridled sexual experimentation among the young. There are many who do not need a large amount of it, a wide variety. Actually, the need varies according to the individual. But I am saying that when the child feels the need to experiment, he should not be thwarted; he should either be provided with satisfactory (to him) reasons why he should not, or he should be allowed to do so with understanding and whatever precautions are necessary to protect him or her from other problems (i.e., pregnancy, venereal diseases, etc.).
In terms of that, and in order to better understand sexual experimentation among today's teenagers, let us turn now to actual case histories that will give insight into the reasons for, the varieties of, and the results of such sexual experimentation.