Chapter 9
The first time the small babe, just born, reaches for his own genitals or for his mother's breast, sexual experimentation is begun ... because in those areas he finds sexual excitement even while he does not understand what it is. But most importantly, this child has just been "tossed into the world." He is a stranger there-he knows nothing about himself or that world. As he grows older he learns more about both, but with each learning there is the need for more, especially because both are continually changing. With human feelings, with human desires, the need to experiment in all areas is literally built in. It is especially important in the area of sexuality.
Far too many adults revolt at the idea of youngsters having any sexuality, and they revolt even more violently if they discover the youngsters in the process of experimenting. That is sad, indeed, evidence of a lack of understanding and holding in it the seed of severe problems. The child has no choice; he has to experiment. If that driving need is thwarted, his natural development may be dis turbed-and instead of solving problems, the parents have created new ones. I have worked with hundreds of cases where the problems of my clients, ranging from mild neuroses to severe sexual-psychopathic personalities, can be traced back to the parental blockage of normal, natural sexual experimentation.
In the early days of life such experimentation is trivial and relatively undisturbing-frequently even unseen. Children are momentarily curious; once their curiosity is satisfied they forget the subject and move on. A little boy might become conscious of his own penis during urination, wonder if others have the same kind of thing on them, survey the area on a neighbor girl-seeing "nothing" there, he may be mildly interested in what is there, but will soon forget about it and go on to something else. If no big issue is made of it (if it has been observed), nothing will come of it. If an issue is made, the child's natural development may be tampered with.
But assuming that the individual goes through his early childhood with no such problems, he will enter the "homosexual" period-lasting roughly from age six to age ten-and now the opportunity for experimentation grows stronger. During this age he is more aware of the world around him, even to the extent of discovering that men and women get together and copulate. But more than that, during this period friendships are developed that quite frequently lead not only to youngsters spending long hours together, but to friends sleeping with friends-and in those beds, in the quiet of night and often amid genuine surprise and or giggles, one will experiment with the other, the two will experiment together. Because the sex glands have not developed, this is only minor experimentation, and the pleasures that will come later are lacking-but still they experiment!
At the onset of puberty, generally around twelve years of age, this changes. The sexual glands develop and begin to function. The mild pleasures of playing with oneself, of stimulated skin creating pleasurable sensations, is heightened by the actual sexually pleasurable sensations that come into being. The girl finds her breasts not only growing but sensitive, her vagina a source of pleasure that comes from stimulation by an external object. The boy finds his pleasure from playing with his own organ heightened by the ability to reach an orgasm. At the same time, they are increasingly aware of the changes in both their own bodies and the bodies of persons around them-and they also become even more aware of adult bodies and what adults do. With this awakening, experimentation is not only natural, it is necessary. The individual has to adjust to the changes, decide who he is as a person-what he is-and how he relates to others. He does this through experimentation.
Man is a creature who seeks pleasure, a perfectly sensible thing to do. Mix curiosity, the need to find out who and what he is, and the pleasures that can come from the human body, and there is little wonder that the individual will take any opportunity to experiment:-to find out what pleasures are available.
Generally speaking, experimentation in sexuality follows a pattern of sorts. Because they have not completely gotten out of the homosexual period, and because they can be and frequently are thrown into closer proximity, the earliest sexual experimentations (that is, the earliest following puberty) usually involve that with others of their own sex. Masturbation is done in private, but when two get together they compare bodies (this wonderful if sometimes frightening change that is taking place!) and find that through mutual activity they may find even greater pleasure. The next step is to look toward the opposite sex-and generally that goes through stages from "petting" to normal, boy-on-top-of-girl intercourse. But man is curious, and the youth is fascinated with this body of his and all of its surprises. He hears about other methods, or wonders about them himself, so given the chance he experiments with them. Circumstances enter into it-he is what his total background made him into. They learn from each other. Thus it is only natural that youngsters will experiment with as many varieties of sexual activity as possible-and it appears that such experimentation is extremely healthful and can lead to greater happiness once adulthood and maturity is reached.
The only logical conclusion, then, is that sexual experimentation-starting at birth but reaching its peak during the adolescent years-is not only natural but necessary. We have only to look at the people who do not reach such maturity because of lack of opportunity to experiment-or the unhealthy reactions to their experimentation when it was observed-to see the truth of that. At the same time, because each individual is different and so has different needs, we might conclude that nature should take its course-perhaps sexual experimentation should not be encouraged, but it should not be discouraged.