Chapter 1
PUBERTY-THE AWKWARD AGE
Puberty means, simply, reaching the state of becoming capable of sexual reproduction. The sexual glands, which have been growing along with the rest of the child, begin to function in terms of that capability to reproduce-and this brings with it many other physical and psychological changes. Puberty is generally considered as the period between late childhood and adolescence. Specifically, according to American concepts, puberty begins at the age of twelve and continues to the age of fifteen, at which time the child is considered an adolescent.
In the simple words of one doctor, "Puberty is that period when a girl begins to become a woman, and a boy becomes a man." The body contour of the girl changes considerably, with the widening of the hips, the growth of her breasts from flat-chestedness to whatever proportions she might reach, growth of hair on her pubis and under her arms, and the beginning of her menstruation cycles. The boy also experiences changes in the contour of his body, with hair growing in the genital region as well as elsewhere on the body-but more importantly, his penis begins to grow larger, his testicles become more obvious and weigh more heavily between his legs. It is not uncommon for boys, especially, to begin having nocturnal emissions-more commonly known as "wet dreams." These may have special importance because they create agitation even while they come from agitation, and because they are the first evidence of "sexual secretion through a hard cock," as one boy put it, aware that he "shot that way" while having dreams of a sexual nature.
The beginning of menstruation for the girls and the occurrences of nocturnal emissions for the boys can have special importance to the individual, especially as regards psychological reaction to the normal developmental process. This is, after all, a new experience, and with it comes a self-awarenass that might have been lacking earlier. The youngster is only too aware of the developing body at this time, often a little frightened by what is happening-and so it is actually a crucial time. But regardless of what the reaction, the child is becoming a sexual being in the true sense of the word; his own mechanism, as it were, has begun to function, and he begins to think in terms of his opposite sex. Bluntly, he becomes sex conscious, fully aware of his own body and the bodies of others ... and interested in what sensations may come from those bodies.
There is perhaps more autoeroticism at this point than most people might think, but that, too, is only natural. The child is aware of his body; he explores it, he finds what it is capable of. The girl, in rubbing her vulva, in massaging her growing breasts, becomes aware of their sensitivity-of the pleasure that can be derived through those body parts. The boy finds himself getting erections easily and frequently, and he is concerned about the growth - the "thing" is getting bigger, and comments from around him make him only too aware of size. He watches and hopes, and meanwhile he manipulates and discovers the pleasures possible through that manipulation. Masturbation is common among both sexes. And as they think of the opposite sex it is in terms of their own sex-and the thoughts in turn lead to sexual excitement and therefore eroticism that leads frequently to masturbation. This is not self-love in the true sense of the word; it is finding pleasure through one's own body after thoughts of what could happen if another person were there.
But even at an early age, at the beginning, the draw is toward sexual experimentation. The awareness of the developing sexuality makes it even stronger. So boys look at girls and wonder, and girls look at boys and wonder, and whatever the circumstances allow, that is the type of experimentation that takes place. The following cases show some of the varieties, each defined by the particular set of circumstances. They, as are the rest of the cases in this book, are compiled from taped interviews with the youngsters involved.
The first boy, Johnny R., was twelve years old. He was a lithe, handsome looking youngster; dark-haired, large brown eyes framed by thick and long lashes, chiseled features, he gave every evidence of growing into "a lady killer." He was a well-mannered boy, and fastidious about his person. He reported:
I've known what goes on for a long time. My folks are the kind that think a kid ought to know, you know, so they told me. About the birds and the bees. A little while back my-dad came into the bathroom just after I'd gotten out of the shower; I grabbed for a towel, but he had given me the once-over before I got hold of it. So he sat down on the toilet, and he started in. "Well, Johnny, I see you're getting pretty big down there, aren't you? You're going to start understanding what your mother and I have been trying to tell you."
Heck, I was already understanding it! I guess I did develop a little faster than some of the other kids. I mean, I got hair down there before some of my pals, and ... well, you know we'd still done a little messing around, some of my buddies and I, and I guess I have to admit that I was bigger than most of them. Out at the swimming hole, where we swim naked, you could tell the difference there, too. My cock wasn't only getting bigger than theirs faster, but I was getting bigger balls.
Well, anyway, my folks had told me all this stuff, see. About girls are made this way and boys are made that way, and when the time is right the boy fits into her and plants the seed under her heart and the baby grows. I got to thinking quite a bit about that. I think I even thought about it at night, because I'd dream. I dreamed a lot about this teacher of mine who has big tits. I'd be sitting in my desk, looking up at her tits, than all of a sudden I'd be running my face into them and I'd have my cock between her legs the way my folks sort of talked about. Then I'd wake up and my cock would be hard, and there was all that mess. Sticky and all.
My old man told me about that, too, though. He said it was all right, boys did that. But I got to thinking ... Well, if boys fit into girls that way, and if it felt good-and I knew it must feel good, because I'd heard my folks at night sometimes-then I figured that if I did it to a girl I wouldn't do it in my sleep that way. At least I think that's what I had in mind. Anyway, there was a girl in our class who was developing pretty fast, too. She wore tight sweaters and skirts, and you could see she was getting tits already. Nothing like my mother's or my teacher's, but they were still beginning to swell out.
So I started thinking about them quite a bit, and ... well, you know, my buddies would have made fun of me if they knew, so I had to work it cool
(Author's note: At that age, at the onset of puberty, youngsters still aren't fully out of the homosexual period, and they are only beginning to grapple with the behavior necessary for intermingling with the opposite sex. Johnny had a valid point when he mentioned that his friends would have made fun of him if they had seen him pursuing a girl. For the next couple of years all of the youngsters would be fluctuating back and forth-drawn first to their own sex, reaching out for the opposite. That, too, is part of the developmental pattern.)
Well, I started talking to this girl when I could, getting to know her a lot better, and finally one day I asked her if I could come by her house. She said it was okay, so I did. There wasn't anybody there but her and I, and I got a little scared, but id made up my mind so I went ahead with it. We talked a little bit, then I couldn't figure any other way to do it, so I asked her if she'd show me a little bit about how to dance. She put on a record, then when we got together-well, I could actually feel her tits more, and my pecker got hard right away. I kept rubbing it up against her. I got real brave and kissed her, and she isn't like a lot of girls. She kissed me right back. She even stuck her tongue in my mouth.
I didn't care what happened then. I stuck my hand out and just started feeling her tits while we were kissing, and she didn't even care. She even liked it, I think, because she made some funny noises that sounded like it. I could feel the nipples and all, they got real hard. Then I felt her hand down on my pecker, and she was really feeling it. Not just playing around with it the way I do, but feeling it. I could tell that she probably hadn't really seen one, she was sort of trying to "see" it with her fingers, so I asked her, why didn't we get naked so we could see each other.
We went up to her bedroom and we did. Got naked, I mean. Then we took turns looking at each other real close. First I looked at her tits and played with them, even kissed them a couple of times, then I looked between her legs. She was getting hair there, she was puffed up. I rubbed it all, then I ran my finger up and down that slit; she really liked that. Her legs pulled up and spread apart, and the slit opened a little. That got me excited, so I touched it more, then I spread it apart and looked inside. I could see ... well, I didn't get to see a lot, because she pulled away then and said it was her turn. So I laid on my back, and she got between my legs, and she really gave my pecker a going over. She pulled the skin up over the head, then slid it back down, then she'd bend it one way and another. She got hold of my balls and played with them a little.
Finally I said to her, "You know what we're supposed to do?"
She giggled and pretended she didn't, so I told her to lay on her back. When she was like that I got on top of her. Well, I didn't know what to do, so I just stuck my pecker in her. It ... well, it felt a little funny at first, and she said it hurt a little. She said it felt like I'd broken something. Then one of us started wiggling, and man, that was all it took, because that felt good. It was sort of like her slit was my hand, jacking me off. She liked it, too, because she kept moving her hips. You know, raising up off the bed so my whole pecker went into her, then lying down again. Then I started that. I mean, I pushed my pecker into her, then pulled it most of the way out, then stuck it in again. Man, that really felt good, and she liked it, too. I kept doing that, and I started kissing her on her tits again. The first thing you know, I was real excited, I was pushing it in and out of her as fast as I could, then I shot inside her. Boy, oh boy, that was really something!
Well, a couple of nights later I was staying at this friend's house. He and I have been pals for a long time, we've done a lot of things together. To tell the truth, we've talked about things like that quite a bit, and a couple of times we even jacked each other off. Well, this night I told him I'd screwed a girl, and he didn't believe me, but I told him all about it anyway. Both our peckers got hard, but when it came to jacking off I said no, we ought to do it another way. I rubbed his butt and told him that in some ways it felt a little bit like she had felt between the legs, he ought to let me stick my pecker in there. Well, he did, and it felt pretty good-it even felt better in some ways than it had felt in her. I guess partly because of the way his butt is, the big cheeks. Anyway, I shot off a load into him that way, then I let him do it to me. I liked that, too. I liked it almost as much as doing it to her.
Well, this girl, I guess she got the feeling we were married or something, because she started talking to me a lot at school and wanting me to come over again. Just talking to her, my pecker would get hard. So one afternoon when I could, I went over there. This time we didn't waste any time, we just went up to her room and took our clothes off. But this time she wanted to do something different-she said she had heard her folks doing it, talking about it while they were doing it. What it was, we laid on the bed end for end. I mean, her feet were up one way and mine the other. First thing I knew, she'd taken my pecker in her mouth, she was sucking on it. Well, her thing was right there in front of me, so I looked at it, played with it a little, then I didn't know what else I could do, so I just stuck my tongue in it the way I'd stuck my pecker. She really liked that; she pushed herself closer to me, and at the same time she sucked on my cock all the faster. Well, I kept sticking my tongue in and out of her, just like it was my pecker, and she kept sucking on my pecker, and then both of us were getting pretty excited. I couldn't help myself, before I knew it was happening even, I shot off a load into her mouth. But she was humping, too, and I tasted something, so I guess she'd shot off, too. I dunno, I don't know how girls shoot off. But I think she did.
After that ... Well, to tell the truth, I think about it a lot, and I get hard every time I think about it, so I guess I jack off quite a bit. But in between times, every once in a while my buddy and I stay at one house or the other, and we do that again-and every once in a while she and I get together and we do one or the other of those things. I suck her tits a lot, too, because she likes that-she likes to have me suck her tits and rub her between the legs at the same time, using my finger like a pecker. We try all kinds of things. The only thing that worries me ... well, once in awhile when I shoot, there isn't an awful lot there. I get afraid I might be wearing it out too soon. I sure hope not. That's the only thing that worries me.
Johnny, with partial information from his parents, is finding out what sex is all about! With the mixture of hetero-and homosexual activities, along with an admitted excess in masturbation, he is probably more active than the average-but still it is not necessarily detrimental. Nature usually has a way of taking care of those things; as he develops more, his sexual appetite will drop off, and he will forgo masturbation for experiences with other persons. In a sense, at this period youngsters are often like a child with a new toy. Having found out the pleasure of sexual experience, while it is new to them they may be slightly over-active-but, unless there is a psychological abnormality, the interest will lessen as it would with the toy! Sexuality will cease to stand out, will become an integral part of life.
Kathy S. came to my attention through a newspaper article. Two young men, eighteen and nineteen years old, had rented a house in a relatively quiet neighborhood. Neighbors soon complained that the traffic to and from the house, especially on weekends, was almost harassing, with a great number of "kids" gathering there. An investigation revealed that Kathy S., thirteen years old, was the center of attraction. Before the investigation was over it was learned that the thirteen year old girl had experienced sexual relations with over one hundred boys and young men. Her story, of course, interested me and I made arrangements for a series of interviews. The full story unfolded:
Around my place you don't even say "darn." If you mention sex or anything about it, my mother would probably faint dead away. My dad is ... well, he's a nothing! My mother controls him. Honest to God, I don't know how they had me; I don't think she ever lets him do anything.
I guess I started my periods a little earlier than most girls, I was about ten. The first time ... oh, man! The day before, I had messed around with the neighbor boy a little, the way kids will do, you know, so when that started-when I saw that blood! I thought my mother was right, I'd done something wrong and God was punishing me. I worried about it for a long time, got so quiet that one day my teacher kept me after school and asked what the matter was. I finally started crying, and she got the whole story out of me. Well, she set me straight, told me the truth. What a relief that was!
This teacher really gave me the whole picture, told me what I could expect to happen, so I started watching for it. And she was right. Every month that happened. But more than that. I started getting hair all between my legs, and my breasts began to change, to swell. Every day when I got home from school I'd go in the bathroom, strip down, and look to see if anything new had happened. Then ... well, I started thinking about boys a lot. I'd lay in bed at night and think about them, and rub my body. I'd put both hands on my breasts and pretend they were a boy's hands, all that, and rub between my legs. I still ... well, I only half-way knew exactly what went on when you did get with a boy.
One night ... I must have been almost twelve by then, and I'd grown a lot-you know, I was almost completely covered down there with hair and my breasts were pretty big ... Anyway, my mother went to Church Guild on Tuesday nights, and she had gone this night. Sitting there alone with my dad, looking at him while he was reading the paper and I was supposed to be doing homework, I suddenly got an idea. I ... well, you see, I wanted to see what boys really were like. Big boys. Men. Anyway, I pretended I'd finished my homework and told him I was going to bed, but instead of going to bed I went into their room and hid in the closet. He doesn't wait up for my mother, and he didn't that night. He came into the bedroom and undressed. I almost died! I mean, my heart was beating something terrific while I watched him undress, I was scared and excited both. He has a pretty good build even if he is hen-pecked, and when he was clear naked ... well, my eyes almost fell out! There was that huge thing hanging there, long and full, and big balls hanging below it. He reached down and rubbed it a little, sort of scratching, and I felt a funny kind of warm feeling go through my whole body. To tell the truth, I ... I wanted to go out there and feel it, play with it, see what it was like up close.
Well, I didn't, of course, but I couldn't .ret it out of my mind. Even in class, I'd sit there trying to concentrate, but my mind would drift away and I'd see his big-well-prick. I ... well, the truth is, I knew it had something to do with going between my legs, but I had a different kind of feeling about it. I mean, I felt a tickling kind of feeling there, but I had mouth-feelings more. Like I ... like I wanted to love it with my mouth.
Not long after that my mother seemed to notice me for the first time-really notice me, I mean. I'd put on a sweater and skirt and she ... well, she didn't like it. Without saying exactly what she meant, she said that I had to get more decent clothes. We went shopping, and all the clothes she bought were things that hid me. I mean, they were loose and all, my breasts didn't show, that sort of thing. I couldn't take that. No boy would look at a girl with that kind of clothes; I sensed that if I didn't know it. So I worked out a deal with a girl friend. I left my skirts and sweaters at her house, and every morning I stopped there and changed clothes before going to school.
This girl friend was a year older than me, and she had already filled out real good. She had even ... Well, she had even done it with a boy. Finally, one day, she said that she had fixed up a date for me with a boy for that Saturday night, there would be four of us. I was actually frightened, but I really wanted to go. I knew mother wouldn't let me, so I pretended to go to bed early but sneaked out the window.
The boys were older. Her date was almost twenty, my date was eighteen, a real nice boy named Kenny. We went to a drive-in movie, Kenny and I in the backseat. The movie had hardly started before he put his arm around me and pulled me up against his chest; I knew that I ought to pull away, but I couldn't. It felt real good, he even smelled good. Then I felt his hand on my tit, and I couldn't even stop him from doing that. It felt too good, the way he sort of worked it, then played with the nipple, tweaking it between his fingers. He had his lips against my throat, then his hand worked its way up under my blouse. It felt so good that when he whispered for me to loosen my bra I didn't even wait, I loosened it. He got his hand right on the flesh and it was really terrific. When he played with the nipples I almost went out of my mind. Then ... I ... just automatically, I guess, I put my hand on his leg, at his crotch, and I felt his hardness. It sort of scared me, but it fascinated me, too-I guess I knew then without knowing it that a boy's prick has to get hard before it can go in you. "Take it out," he whispered against my ear. "Go ahead. Take it out and play with it the way I'm playing with your tits."
Well ... well, I took it out, pulled it out of his pants, and my heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to pound right through my chest. I could feel all of that hard hotness; it was so big that when I wrapped my fingers around it, almost half was still left out. I felt it, using the palm of my hand first and then my fingers. I felt the huge head, like it was just set on top of the rest of it, and the whole, thick shaft with a heavy vein in it. I had that feeling I'd had before-you know, my mouth wanted it. Finally I whispered to him, asked him if I could kiss it. He laughed and said sure, then he pushed away from me a little and pulled one leg up. I got hold of that big thing at the base, only half-seeing it because it was nearly dark-but I could see it! I lowered my head and touched it with my lips, then kissed it. I don't know, my tongue just seemed to know what to do; it moved out and sort of licked it all around. "Jesus!" he said, then he told me to wait.
He pulled his pants and shorts down around his ankles and sat back again. I could really see it now, it was even bigger now that his pants and shorts were out of the way. And ... well, I just seemed to know what to do. I played with it with my hand a little, wrapping my fingers around it and stroking it, then I felt between his legs for his big sack. His balls were loose in it, the size of big olives. I was using both hands now, one on his balls and the other on his prick, and it all seemed right, I didn't think about anything else. Then he told me to kiss it again, so I did. Kissed it, my tongue licked it again, then I felt his hands on my head. They put on pressure, pushing my face down; I opened my mouth and felt his huge thing sliding in. "Jesus," he said again, "I'd planned on fucking you, but this is better yet!"
I don't know, I just seemed to know naturally what to do. I mean, I got my lips in the right shape, and I started moving them up and down on that big thing. I'd take as much of it into my mouth as I could, slide off it, try to swallow it again. I'd kiss the head, then go back at it. It gave me a sort of tickling feeling in my tits, between my legs. Then ... well, I felt it getting even harder, he started moving his hips. When my mouth would go down he'd rear up. It was so big that I finally wrapped my fingers around it between us, so he could slide it in and out without it choking me. That's what we did then, me sucking and him pushing it up and down, until all of a sudden he grabbed my head with both hands again, let out a cry, and I felt some thick liquid shooting into my mouth. The way he held my head, I had to swallow it; I almost choked, his cock was so big and he was shooting out so much, but I managed to swallow it all even with his big thing in my mouth.
We met the next weekend-I had sneaked out of the house again-but Kenny had already made arrangements. His friend let us off at the house they share, and they went on alone-his friend and my girl friend, I mean. He and I went in, and he didn't waste any time; he put his arms around me and kissed me, and he was already hard. We went right into the bedroom and undressed, and it was really nice, being clear naked and lying there with him. We kissed and rubbed our bodies together, felt each other, and I really liked it. I liked everything he did-rubbing and kissing my tits, sticking his big thing up between my legs. Then he pushed me onto my back and moved down between my legs. He sort of sat there on his haunches for a minute, looking down at me. Then he rubbed me a little, finally he leaned over and started kissing me all around there. It almost drove me mad, it felt so wonderful. He kissed and licked, then he ran his tongue all up and down it, pushing it against me. I was really wiggling around, it felt so good. Then he stiffened his tongue and started pushing it in, moving it up and down at the same time; he forced it through, I felt it spreading me, then I guess we both felt the contact at the same time. He raised his head and looked down at me. "Jesus," he said, "I didn't know you were a virgin! I thought...."
He shook his head, and I didn't understand. "Look, honey, if we don't do this right it could hurt the hell out of you." He laid beside me, then, and his hand went between my legs. He played and played with me; it felt so good that I spread my legs. He ran his finger inside me, then sort of ran it all around the edges like he was trying to stretch me. I guess he was; he was getting me ready. Final ly he said, "Well, you're feeling pretty juicy in there now, maybe we can work it." But first he got up and rubbed some kind of greasy stuff on his stiff thing. Then he got between my legs and spread them with his hands. Watching my face, he rubbed the head of it against me several times, pushing it deeper. Finally he started the head in, spreading me, hurting me. But it felt good at the same time. I could feel the entire head inside, it seemed to be touching something. He looked into my eyes again for a second. "Honey, I'm going to pop you! It might hurt for a couple of seconds, but just hold tight, you'll like it!"
He popped me, all right! He'd been slow and gentle up until then, but now with a quick motion he pushed that whole huge thing into me. I let out a scream and raised half-way off the bed, but he'd been right, the pain lessened. I could only feel a sort of dull ache, and all his bigness in me. Then he started moving slowly up and down, pumping that big thing in me the way he had done with my hand and mouth the week before. He stretched out so that his chest barely touched my tits and our mouths were together, we were French kissing. After that ... well, after that it was just a slow trip to heaven. He kept driving his big thing in and out of me, and it felt great, I felt real good. Then he started driving it faster, and I felt things happening to me, too. Now every time he pushed into me, I raised up to meet it, I took it in as far as it would go. Our lips were pressed together, our tongues were busy in each other's mouths, and that fantastic feeling grew, grew, grew! I felt his big prick throb and spit, but at the same time I felt something let loose from me. I jerked and groaned and almost went mad with the pleasure of it.
It was honest to God great, and I felt happier than I'd ever felt in my life. Not only then, but in the days that came. I thought I was in love with Kenny, and I thought he was in love with me, and what we were doing seemed all right. Nobody knew about it, it wasn't hurting anybody. I felt ... well, I guess I felt like I was a woman, like I knew what the world was all about now, and I figured that as soon as school was out-I mean, when I graduated-Kenny and I would get married and five happily ever after.
(Author's note: At that point Kathy had experimented as she had had to, and according to prevailing circumstances. Having had her sexuality awakened, she had learned what she had had to learn about it. The situation went out of control after that only because of what her past had been her own psychological preparation for it-and of what Kenny was. At the same time, Kenny was in his own way experimenting, albeit he had obviously already had sexual experiences that had made him knowledgeable far beyond what many adult males reach. Further, the hundred or so boys who trekked through the house after that, using Kathy as a sex object, were in their own way experimenting-some of them, older though they were, admitted that it had been their first experience. For some it was a first experience in penis-vagina intercourse, for others in mouth-penis and/or mouth-vagina intercourse, etc.)
The next weekend when they came to pick me up my girl friend wasn't along. Kenny's roommate passed it off by saying that they had had a fight, and I didn't think anything about it. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't what happened. We went to their house, you see, and sat in the living room a few minutes while the boy had a drink. In the middle of that Kenny suggested that we all undress. I was embarrassed, but he ... well, he has a way of making me do whatever he wants, whether I want to or not. So we undressed, and before they had their clothes off they both had hard pricks. The other boy's wasn't as big as Kenny's, but it was still a pretty good sized one.
Kenny and I were sitting side by side on the divan, he had his arm around me and told me to go ahead and play with his prick, his buddy didn't care. Well, I did, fondling it, stroking it a little-I liked him and I liked it enough that I probably would have played with it in the middle of the street if he told me to! Then he said to his roommate, "You want to taste something good, old buddy? Get between Kathy's legs here."
He did! He got between my legs and spread them apart with his hands, then he buried his head in my crotch. I felt his tongue going all around me, licking the skin, kissing, going into me a little. Kenny seemed to be getting a real kick out of watching it, he was smiling down at his roommate. He was playing with my tits with one hand at the same time, and that always gets to me-so I was sort of embarrassed by what the boy was doing down there, even though it felt good, but liking what Kenny was doing. Anyway, Kenny finally said that we should go into the bedroom, and we did. In there, he told me to lie on my back, and I did. The other boy moved up between my legs, and I felt him kissing and tonguing all around there again, then Kenny had straddled me and his big thing was over my face; "Suck it!" he ordered, and I sucked it. Got hold of it and pulled it down so that I could get my lips over it. So while the other boy kept busy on me, I kept busy on Kenny-and Kenny, meanwhile, had reached out and taken the other boy's prick in his hand and was stroking it. After awhile ... well, we ... we all three climaxed, it was really something.
The next weekend there seemed to be no question. Kenny picked me up, and when we got to their house his roommate was there, already naked. He started getting hard almost as soon as we walked in the door, so I guess I knew right then that we were going to do the same thing again. Kenny told me to undress, and he undressed, then we played around a while in the living room while they had a couple of drinks. We were just about to go into the bedroom when someone knocked on the door. It was a friend of theirs. Kenny invited him in....
Each weekend Kathy pretended to go to bed but sneaked out. She met Kenny on a corner and they wont to the house he shared with his roommate. The girl still felt herself in love with Kenny, preferred him to all others, but submitted to a growing number of friends-and to a growing variety of sex activities-"because Kenny wanted me to. I was afraid that if I said no he wouldn't have anything more to do with me." She admitted that many of them were "exciting," interesting variations. The boys, or young men, themselves obviously took great delight in their experimentations-in trying to find new and different ways in which to find sexual pleasure.
The following, briefer interviews give examples of typical experimentations by youngsters during this age of puberty when so many things are happening to them both internally and externally. Some of them are perhaps more understandable when we realize that this is, as it has been nicknamed, the "awkward age." With growth being so rapid and the bodies of both sexes changing quickly, young people actually have difficulty in handling themselves. This is due in part to their self-consciousness and anxieties; indeed, they have to get used to the changes in themselves. The girls must face menstruation, boys are plagued by voice changes that frequently cause them embarrassment; both are extremely aware of their own and the bodies of others, and feel that others (including adults) are looking at them critically. They frequently are embarrassed by the changes in their bodies, and some-not understanding and unable to ask-are even frightened. As Kathy mentioned, the beginning of menstruation for a girl can be terrifying-she thinks that something terrible has happened to her, that she is diseased. The boy's "wet dreams" can frighten him. But still, because of the awakening of their sexuality, they must experiments-and through that experiment they eventually adjust.
Sarah L. I knew the difference between boys and girls, everybody does, but I started seeing things different. I got real nervous about my body, didn't want anybody to see me because I was growing hair between my legs and my bosoms were beginning to puff out. I hadn't thought about boys a lot, but now I did; I'd look at boys' crotches a lot and wonder what was there-I mean, exactly what each boy's thing was like. I'd go to the library and look in books, those medical books that show diagrams, and there were some pictures ... You know that one that shows God giving Adam life by touching his finger? Well, it shows Adam's thing real good, only it wasn't very big. There were some pictures of statues that show them better. I ... I'd get real funny feelings looking at them. You know, like ... well, like wishing I could really see one, and feeling a tingling between my legs.
One night ... one night I was lying in bed thinking, sort of dreaming, about some boy telling me he loved me. I sort of made up a story. I told him that if he loved me he'd let me see his thing, and he did. He took his pants off and I could see it. At the same time I was rubbing between my legs without thinking about it, really, but then I started getting this real good feeling. I rubbed more, and I ... I felt up inside myself. It felt good. I stuck my finger clear up in there and it felt real good. Then I sort of moved my finger in and out and it felt even better.
The next night ... it almost embarrasses me to tell it, but you asked! The next night we had wieners and sauerkraut for dinner, and it was like a plate full of boy's things. I don't know how I got the idea, but after dinner I sneaked one into my room. I used it instead of my finger that night, and the feeling was real good. I kept pushing it in and out and it was better than anything I'd ever felt. I finally was breathing real hard and my hips were moving up and down, then I felt like stars were flying around in my head and I was all moist down there.
I really wanted to find out what it would be like with a boy, but I was afraid to. The next thing I used was a carrot; I found one that was bigger than a wiener and it looked shaped right, so I used it. I got the same results, that really wonderful feeling, but at the same time I felt sort of guilty. I knew if anybody knew I'd just die of shame!
Finally a boy asked me to go out with him. I don't know if he had anything in mind or not, but I was really conscious of him. I mean, I couldn't quit thinking about ... about his thing, what he had there between his legs. We went to a movie, but I couldn't even keep my mind on it, I was just thinking about that! When he didn't do anything, I finally took hold of his hand. It embarrassed him at first, I could tell, but he finally relaxed a little-and he kept his eyes straight ahead, on the screen. I was burning; my cheeks were hot and everything, but I just had to keep going. I finally moved our hands so they were in his lap, and I could feel his thing under mine. It was real hard and ... and my heart was beating something terrible. The boy was trying to pretend like he didn't notice anything, like he was watching the movie. I finally got real bold; I let loose of his hand and took hold of his thing. I guess he almost died!
I couldn't get a really good feel of it, because he had shorts on and all, but what I could feel surprised me. It was bigger than any of those in the pictures, as big as the ones on the statues, and he was only fourteen. And playing with it like that, well, I felt ... I got all moist again.
The movie ended and we left, but I noticed that the boy was real nervous and didn't want to look at me. When we got to my house he acted like he was just going to turn and run, so I said to him, "Aren't you going to kiss me goodnight?"
He stammered and stuttered, so I just put my arms around his neck and started to kiss him. The poor kid almost died again, but something was forcing me to do all that. Finally I guess it got to him, because he put his hands on my body, under my arms, and started rubbing me. It was real nice, I really felt good, and when I pressed in against him I could tell he'd gotten hard again. He had his hands up by my boobs and was rubbing the sides of them, and we were really kissing! I knew ... I just knew that I had to have that thing in me that night.
He was scared, but I talked him into it. I went into the house, spoke to my parents and told them I'd had a good time, but I was going to bed. Then I opened my bedroom window and he climbed in. We kissed a little more, then we undressed in the dark, and ... and, well, it was just terrific! I felt his whole body, and he was feeling mine, and I guess it was the first time for both of us. He played with my tits and I played with his thing, and it was real nice. It was as long as the wiener I had used, but thicker, and the way it was made ... well, it was real fascinating to feel it. The head of it, I mean, sort of like an apricot and bigger around than the rest, then the skin wrinkled up the way it was, and finally that long, finger-like thing.
I guess he'd heard things, knew what to do, because he finally laid down on top of me-not hard, but still on top of me, and he reached down and got his thins stuck cut straight, then he started pushing it into mc. He thought it was going to hurt me, but he didn't know that I had already gotten myself ready for it; as it slid in I felt a completely drooly feeling. The deeper it went in, the more it stretched me, the more I liked it. Then I felt his balls against my legs, and I knew he had it all the way in. It felt better than I had even thought it would. Then ... then he started slipping it in and out, and that felt even better. We were really kissing now, our tongues in each other's mouths and all, and he was playing with my tits as best he could, and all kinds of things came alive in me. I started working with him, raising myself up over his thing as he shoved it down into me. It was really great, then we both were sucking on each other's mouths and thrashing around, because stuff was shooting out of his thing and I was melting inside. That was the greatest feeling I'd ever had, the really greatest. I wished he'd never have to take his thing out of me; I just wanted to lie there forever with it in there. Even after it got soft.
The next day he asked me to go steady with him, and we've been going steady ever since. Every once in a while ... maybe once a month or so ... he comes over and I let him in my bedroom window and we do that again. I know my folks would die if they knew it, but ... well, I like it and it's sure better than using other things. And besides, we love each other.
Patrick H. My dad isn't like a lot of guys' dads. He and I have always been pals, and he never has tried to hide things from me. Like when we went camping or something, I'd see him naked and he wouldn't make a big thing out of it. But I think I was impressed all the time, anyway, by the size of his cock, the way his balls hung down. That's part of why I was real pleased when I noticed hair was beginning to grow around mine, and that it was getting bigger. I kept hoping it would get as big lb his. I used to lie in bed at night and stretch it, you know, pull it down as far as I could, hoping if I did that it would get real big. Then it started getting hard more often, and instead of just stretching it I'd be jerking it off, it felt real good. But one time ... well, it felt even better than it usually had, then it spit out a little on my hand. It really scared the hell out of me, I thought I'd broken something inside or something.
But like I said, my dad and I are pals, so I asked him. He just laughed, then he gave me the scoop, but he told me that I shouldn't play with myself that way. He told me what the feeling was, and what the fluid was, and said that when the time was right I'd start putting it to better use. We'd talked about it some before, but he told me in more detail about the way both men and women are made. I mean, what their bodies are all about. He didn't pussy-foot; he explained that his cock sometimes got hard, that he inserted it in my mother, and that it "spit out" that way, too.
Well, he had erased my fears, but he didn't do anything about the feelings I was getting more and more. I'd lie there at night and think about what he had said, imagine myself doing the same thing, and my cock would get hard but I'd tell myself that I wasn't going to play with it. I'd really try hard net to. One night I just rolled over on my belly, but that turned out to be a mistake; the friction of the sheet on my cock gave me tingly feelings. I started humping, and before I knew it I'd shot off all over the mattress!
Couple of nights later, thinking again about what he had said, I pushed my pillows together. That made what it seemed to me he had described a woman was, and what I'd remembered seeing on little girls. Anyway, I stuck my cock down between them, pulled them up real tight with my legs, and started humping. But I remembered what had happened the last time. I couldn't think of anything else, so I put one of my socks over my cock, then I got back in that position and humped my way to a real juicy, terrific climax!
Well, I don't think anybody really wants to just play with themselves. I talked it over with a buddy of mine, and he agreed-but in the talking we got real sexy, both of us got hard-ons. We ended up stripping down and messing around, and the next thing we were lying with him on top of me and our pricks up between our bellies. We both used our bodies that way, fucking, you know, and it worked. We shot off something terrific!
The next step, naturally, was to want to do it with a girl. I guess ... oh, I don't know how long all of that had taken, but I was pretty big by that time. The hair had gotten pretty thick, and while my cock wasn't as big as my dad's, it was well on the way to being. I looked at other guys in the gym, and I could hold my own with any of them! Mine wasn't the biggest, but it was bigger than a heck of a lot of them, even soft. I'd found out, of course, that you couldn't really tell from that-I've seen guys with real little ones, but when they get hard they're like big old sausages, and I've seen guys with big ones that don't get any bigger when they get hard. You notice those things, y'know.
Anyway, this buddy and I, we started working on this girl. We talked to her a lot, made her feel real good, walked between classes with her. Then one day we talked her into going with us over to his house, because his folks work, there's nobody there during the day. We were acting only friendly, but then we started talking about sex. Dumb things, you know, but enough to get her interested. Then we horsed around a little, but we finally got to where we were taking turns kissing her and feeling her up. The next thing you know we were all three naked, and we really went into action. We tried all kinds of things. Like I'd be kissing her on the mouth and feeling her tits while he messed around with her pussy, even licking it and all; then we'd switch around. Then we took turns letting her suck on us a little, but while she was sucking on one guy the other guy would be teasing her pussy. It was pretty wild! Then we ended up taking turns screwing her, and man, after having my cock up that tight pussy I wasn't about to use pillows or anything else!
I don't mean I'm a sex-maniac or anything like that, but after that I took every chance I could get, and did anything anyone wanted to do. Like I said, I'd get to thinking about things, and going with someone else was a lot better than jerking yourself off or using other things. This buddy and I, we'd hear someone say something, we'd want to try it, we'd keep at it until we got the chance. But we don't let that interfere with other things-I mean, we keep up with our schoolwork, we've gone out for sports, and we do a lot of things where there's no sex involved, but neither one of us passes up a chance.
There are some things that we only do once. You know, you hear about them, you want to see what they're like, but once you've done them you find out they're not your cup of tea. Like ... well, like a guy wanted to blow me once, so I let him. I liked it, it felt great, but I wouldn't want to go back for seconds. And one girl, she only likes sixty-nines, so I went the route with her a couple of times and really liked it, but when I found out it was all she liked to do I quit going around there. And now that I've done just about everything, well, I'm sort of settling back and just taking straight screwing as it comes along.
Thus we see that sexual experimentation is almost inevitable. The developing youngster cannot help being aware of his body, of the changes that are taking place, and through that awareness he is stimulated-both mentally and physically. Masturbation, by both sexes, is a natural result. But it is equally natural to become aware of and interested in the opposite sex-and to try to find out what sexuality between the two sexes is all about. This is normal and healthy, and, as was said earlier, the individuals usually taper off and eventually sex becomes a more casual, integral part of their total fives. But not, as we will see, before they go through adolescence.