Chapter 3
MARIANNE
Case History: Marianne E. ... Age: 41.
The subject is a tall, thin, sad-eyed woman who has never been married. She works as a librarian in a small town in Kansas. Since there is only one library in this town I will not name it because it would only identify the interviewee. The taping took place in the house Marianne's parents had left her and where she had spent all her life.
"Quiet here, isn't it? When my parents were alive my brothers and sisters were around, this house seemed small and noisy. Now it is like a big morgue. I really don't need all this room and I'd sell it in a minute if I could find a buyer. But, you see, the trend is away from small towns and these old houses are a drug on the market. All the young people move away to big cities once they get old enough.
"That's what happened to my brothers and sisters. They all left home once they got their high school diplomas. Each one of them got married within five years after they left and I'm the only spinster in the family. If I had left right after high school I might have married, too. But I was never the traveling kind and enjoyed the home fires too much.
"I had a very happy childhood so you can't blame my present problems on a terrible past. But, now that I think of it, maybe it would've been a blessing in disguise if my childhood had been unhappy and I had been driven out into the world to sink or swim. I probably would've sank, though. That's my nature. I'm a born loser.
"As I said my childhood was happy but childhood doesn't last. When I entered the dating age I didn't date. I reached my adult height at fourteen, so, as you can see, I was a very awkward girl. If my breasts had developed more or if my face had been prettier, it wouldn't have been so bad, but, as it was, I withdrew into a shell and avoided social contact because it was so painful for me.
"My parents did their best to get me out of my-shell but I was just too self-conscious about my gangling arms and legs and my excessive height to dare the storms of teenaged dating. My brothers and sisters, however, had good social lives and this gave them the poise to leave home base. It wasn't long before I found myself the only one of the kids left behind.
"Since my parents were aging, I used that as an excuse never to leave home. Someone had to take care of them.
"Because I've always loved books, it was only natural for me to become a librarian. It was easy enough for me to find a position in the town's only library for no one wanted to be stuck there. It was strictly an old-maid's job and the other unmarried women of the town avoided it like poison because it was the last place in the world to find a husband.
"When I took the job everyone said it was only natural for me since it was obvious I wasn't the marrying kind. I was consigned to spinsterhood before I was twenty-five. People had the weird idea that I was totally disinterested in sex. How wrong they were! I thought about sex almost all of my waking hours, and while sleeping, I often had the most erotic dreams.
"When someone is denied sexual outlet in the real world his fantasy world develops quickly. Masturbation became my sole comfort outside of dreaming. Over the years I've used all sorts of instruments on myself such as rubber hoses, pipes, bottles, broom handles and so forth. My parents never did know about my rich masturbatory sex life and considered me a 'good' girl.
"I enjoyed dancing about in the nude with mirrors all over the room. When my parents were still alive I had to be careful about being found out, but when they died eight years ago in an auto accident, I took to pulling down all the shades and walking around the entire house in the nude.
"I fell in love with a number of movie and television stars and always imagined that I was being screwed by them when I pushed phallic instruments into my vagina. As a matter-of-fact, I lost my virtue to a cucumber while thinking about my favorite actor. It happened when I was nineteen, an age when at least half the girls in America lost their maidenhoods.
"When I saw this pile of cucumbers at the grocery, my face flushed with sexual heat. I had been masturbating on a fairly regular basis by then and I was very much aware of penis-shaped objects. No one at home ate cucumbers, but I bought four of them. The smallest was five inches and the largest was about eight inches. I bought them with the express purpose of using them as my love life.
"As soon as I got home I hurried up into my room and locked the door. I stripped off all my clothes and handled the green, hard, warty cucumbers. My vagina began to warm and itch with desire. So far I hadn't probed deeply between my legs in my masturbatory injections, but now I wanted to go all the way and see what it felt like to have an object that was even larger than a male prick.
"At first I used the five-incher and stood in front of a mirror as I pushed it inside my opening. I shoved about half of the cucumber into my sexual passage and pulled it out again. The hard, knobby shape of the dildo slid over my clitoris and made it stiffen. I placed the small cucumber down and picked up the largest one. If I was going to go all the way and make myself bleed, I wanted to have the biggest and the best phallus.
"I licked the thick, long, hard, green cucumber and thought of my favorite actor. I crooned softly to the object and imagined myself kneeling before the young man who had his sex organ exposed and aroused. Girls aren't supposed to think about such things as fellatio, especially ones who live in small towns in Kansas. But, as I said, I had a rich fantasy life which included every possible erotic act and position.
"I left the mirror and stretched out on my bed naked with my legs spread wide. I placed a pillow over my breasts and hugged it, pretending that my nude actor was on top of me. As I held the cucumber with one hand, it began to feel like flesh and blood.
"Slowly I rubbed the smooth tip of the object up and down along my pubic area. 'Do it, love! Do it!' I gasped to my unseen lover.
"I pushed the first inch of the cucumber into my vagina and moaned. The thing was really too big for a nineteen year old virgin, but I was so sex-hungry, I wanted all of it. I pushed it another inch. In a spasm of passion, I lifted my knees and flattened them out again across the mattress.
"It went in another inch ... and another. Deep inside my body I felt maidenhood resist the intruder. I usually stopped probing at this point but this time I pushed the phallus in further. There was a tearing and a fleeting moment of pain. Blood rose up and made the green cucumber scarlet.
"I pushed it in still further until I could take no more. All I hung on to now was the last inch of the eight inch object. That wasn't bad for a kid who had never been laid in her life.
"Instead of pulling the phallus out, I left it in and mopped up the blood with a towel. I squirmed on the bed without inhibitions and gloried in the pain caused by the green penis. After nineteen years of not feeling passion, I wanted to feel and feel and feel, no matter how much it hurt. My vagina was alive at last.
"Those four cucumbers became my four boyfriends. I even gave them each a name which shows you how sick with loneliness I was. I called the biggest one by the name of my favorite actor and called the smallest one 'Dickie'. There were nights I used all four. I often pushed 'Dickie' up my ass while sucking on another and screwing myself with the third. Just so the fourth wouldn't feel rejected, I let it roll freely between my breasts. Oh, the orgies I used to have alone in my room with four cucumbers!
"When I first started masturbating, I thought that it was just as passing thing that all girls go through, but I never did break the habit. Yes, today, at the age of forty-one, I still masturbate. My brief fling into heterosexual love increased rather than decreased my desires.
"As I grew older I noted, with some despair, the children of the people I used to go to school with maturing and leaving town. When these children were younger, I used to watch them come into my library and take out books. I watched an entire generation grow up in the library and leave.
"The few young ones that have remained are already talking about getting married, so I guess I'll see their children grow up about me.
"I've also watched the children of my brothers and sisters grow up. Out of my loneliness, I offered my nieces and nephews the run of this house any time they want it, but few of them care about living in such a small, dusty town even for a weekend. Still, they do drop around now and then.
"Sonny is the fifteen year old boy of my sister who lives in Washington, D.C. Her husband is with the government and Sonny is their only child. They used to come out here when the boy was younger and I always spoiled the lad. Sonny was such a pretty boy. He used to crawl into my lap and have me read him bedtime stories. I didn't know it at the time, but this child would eventually become my first, and so far, only lover.
"Yes, I'm talking about incest. You are looking at a woman who has seduced her fifteen year old nephew.
"Sonny dropped by last summer on his school vacation without warning. Since I told him that he was welcomed at any time, he took me at my word. It was the first time in his life that he traveled so far alone, so I recognized his trip as an adventure in maturity.
"When he claimed he had hitchhiked most of the way from Washington to Kansas, I envied him. At the age of fifteen, he was already well on his way to adulthood which was more than I could say about myself. At the ripe age of forty-one I was still a fearful child.
"Sonny didn't have any special plans, so he could stay with me until school opened in September. The boy talked about staying for a few days and then moving on to California. He wanted to spend his summer vacation hitchhiking from coast-to-coast.
"In an effort to keep the lad with me, I spoiled him as always and gave him enough money to spend on movies and bowling alleys. There wasn't much for an active fifteen year old boy to do in town, especially one from a city like Washington, D.C.
"To keep his interests up I introduced him to some of the teenagers I knew through the library. 'Maybe you'll find a nice girl,' I teased my nephew.
"Sonny certainly had the looks to attract a flock of girls. He was big for his age, blond, blue-eyed and handsome. It was my hope that he would fall in with the local teenagers and stay on to enjoy their company.
"My nephew was a hit with the local kids and soon he was inviting to my home. He asked me if it would be all right to have teenagers over. All right? After living alone for so many years I ached to fill the rooms with youth and life.
"Sonny was somewhat more sophisticated than the teenagers of the town, and this made him all the more attractive to the girls. I watched them gaze at him lovingly and recalled my own youth when I hungered for boys. It began to dawn on me that Sonny wasn't the child I used to cuddle in my lap. He was old enough to have strong sexual interests ... and to carry them out.
"My nephew favored a very pretty local girl who was just his age and he dated her several times. Sonny now didn't seem to anxious to go wandering all over the country. I loved having a man about the house even though he was only fifteen and my sister's son.
"I loved having someone else to cook for besides myself. After Sonny came back from a date I sat in his bedroom and had him tell me all about it. In a way I was reliving the dating age I had missed when I was his age through him.
"I gathered that my nephew wanted to go all the way with the girl he had a crush on but she, true daughter of a small Kansas town, drew the line wide and clear and never allowed him to go beyond wet kisses.
"Have you ever fucked?" I asked the boy, enjoying the use of that popular term.
"Sonny seemed both shocked and pleased at my use of the word. I guess he had me pegged as an old maid and it was my intent to give him the idea that I swung pretty good despite my age, looks and occupation.
'"No,' he said in response to my question into his sexual life. 'Have you?'
"The boy was stretched out on top of the bed wearing his jockey shorts and nothing else while I was wrapped up in a terry cloth robe ... and nothing else. Ever since the boy arrived I had been encouraging him to become as informal as possible in dress, deeds and words.
"Although I was aware that there was a sexual interest at the root of this attitude incest hadn't entered the picture.
"I made up stories about my very active love life using all the wonderful crude four letter words. My fifteen year old nephew looked at me with new eyes as he took it all in.
"I was exciting him with my lies and I also found the mere voicing of eroticism to another human being as big a thrill. I told Sonny about the time I took four boys on at once remembering my orgy with the cucumbers.
"The boy was young enough to accept anything an adult told him about sex and yet old enough to respond physically. I watched the bulge at the crotch of his jockey shorts grow larger and larger.
"When I looked down at the outline of his fully erected penis against the thin cloth I couldn't help myself. I slipped one of my. hands over it and felt his sex organ jump. Still playing the part of an experienced woman of the world I pretended to be very casual and said, 'You really pack a cannon there, Sonny. Let me have a look.'
"The boy didn't hesitate a second and lifted his behind so he could pull his shorts off. And then I saw a human phallus for the first time ever. The lad's erect tube of flesh was about five inches long and dark pink.
"His darker testicles were lightly covered with blond hairs and his pubic patch was as yellow as corn. I closed my hand over his stiff pole of meat so that only the shiny head of it showed.
"I did my best to sound objective and sophisticated when I said, 'Nice. You're going to have a lot of fun with this, Sonny.'
"He trembled and swallowed hard. The boy was thoroughly enjoying this incestuous scene. 'I haven't had much fun with it so far, Aunt Marianne,' he confessed. 'Man, I just got to get me some pussy.'
'"Well, I've introduced you to some nice girls in town.'
'"That's just the trouble ... they're too nice,' he told me. And then he got very confidential. 'Aunt Marianne ... are there any ... cathouses around here?'
"I had wanted to be closer to my handsome nephew and I was getting my wish. Now the lad wanted me to fix him up with a woman. This request didn't revolt me. It seemed only natural that a virile young lad would want to have intercourse.
'"There are no cathouses in this little town,' I told him. 'But you don't have to go to one.'
"I leaned forward and took the shiny head of his penis orally. I had sucked off a variety of phallic objects in my time and now, at last, I had the real thing in my mouth. After all those cold, lifeless dildoes my fifteen year old nephew's penis was manna from heaven.
"Sonny began to breath harder as I fellated him. He was nearing something I had never gotten from the hundreds of phallic objects I had used ... an orgasm. My mouth worked with erotic fury as my head bobbed up and down along the length of his manhood.
"Then he released his fluid. It leapt into my oral cavity and I swallowed with complete abandon. I had daydreamt about fellatio for so long that it was not all that unusual to me now that I had the reality. I kept mouthing the handsome lad until he squirted all his sperm into me and his penis began to go limp.
'"That's known as a French job,' I told my nephew. 'A woman in a cathouse would charge you at least five dollars for that. See how much I've saved you?'
"I was surprised at my reasonably calm attitude. I had just gone down on my fifteen year old nephew and yet it all seemed so natural. Why had I always been so hung up on sex, anyhow? It was really sweet and simple.
"Sonny didn't appear to be disturbed by the fact that his aunt had Frenched him, either. He lay on the bed with his legs parted and his limp tube in one hand. 'Gee..., ' he said with boyish wonder. 'That was a groove.'
'"Sex is a groove,' I told him. 'It beats me why so many people of my age make such a big fuss about it.'
"'And I always thought you were an old maid,' he said.
"Sweetheart,' I answered lying pleasantly, 'the reason I don't want to marry is that I don't want to be stuck with one guy. If I want to I can have this house filled with men and boys screwing every hole I got. I could have them here tomorrow.'
"The lad's lustful eyes bore into my body. 'Yeah?' he responded thickly.
"Now he wanted to see me naked. Again this seemed to be only natural and human. I stood up and faced him as he lay there massaging his young penis. I took off the robe and let his eyes eat my flesh with savage and silent hunger.
"To a fifteen year old boy the nude body of a woman, even that of an aging aunt, was a mystery. Now the lad was getting a full education in female anatomy. What was so terrible about that?
"There are nudist camps where children of all ages walk about naked with equally nude adults and they grew up sound and healthy. What was the harm in me revealing my breasts and vagina to the questing eyes of a normal teenaged boy?
"I only wished that my uncle had exposed himself to me when I was a girl. With a knowledge of sex and the male anatomy I wouldn't have brooded so much about eroticism.
'Aunt Marianne,' the lad gasped, 'you're beautiful!'
"Tears sprang to my eyes. 'No one had ever said that to me before. I had grown into adulthood certain that I was ugly and now this darling child was telling me that I was beautiful. I knew that, in time, he would not find me so attractive once he looked at other naked females.
"But, for the moment, I was a sex queen. I wanted to make the moment last so I lay next to him on the bed. The boy immediately rolled over on his side and fingered my sexual slit.
"I thought of all the times I had fingered myself in the loneliness of this very room. After the death of my parents I had moved into their room and I had let the boy use mine. When his fingers dug into my vagina it was as if I were being touched for the first time.
"I have had bigger things in my cleft but nothing excited me as much as the exploring fingers of a fifteen year old boy.
"My nephew was trying to excite me as much as he was examining the mystery of my womanhood. He leaned over my body with his eyes only inches above his fingers. I took his erecting penis in my hand and pressed closer to his naked young warmth.
"I had dreamt so often of having a boy in this bed with me and now it had happened. Once Sonny achieved an erection he was ready for that final sex act that would make him a man in the erotic sense. So far I hadn't actually engaged in true incest with my nephew but that time had arrived where I had to either accept or reject him.
"He took his fingers away from my pubic area and turned to face me. His expression was set with need. I just couldn't reject him. I placed my hands against his face and kissed him hard on the lips. This was all the signal he needed.
"The boy mounted my body and, in his virginal clumsiness, he thrust his stiff dick between my thighs instead of inside my vagina. I was hardly an experienced woman myself at the art of intercourse but I grabbed his penis and guided it into my hairy cleft.
"Sonny's sex organ slid into me easily. The walls of my vagina had been toughened through decades of masturbating with dildoes of all sizes but the lad still thrilled me because his was the first real male organ to ever enter my lonely passageway.
"I opened my mouth and my nephew responded by doing the same. While he had French kissed before this was my first experience. Our tongues played wetly as Sonny lifted his thighs and then pushed down into me again. This was his very first fornicating stroke in a career of love that I was sure would last for many years and many more women.
"The sturdy young lad rammed into me again and again. Each time he became more confident of himself. Sex, like everything else, was a learning process and my nephew was an apt pupil.
"He pumped with vital passion even though he had climaxed only moments before. While my experience with men was very limited I did know that the male sex organ was not an ever hard pole like a cucumber and went limp after spewing.
"Sonny thrust his lovely meat into my sex starved flesh and I dug my fingers into his moving rump. He kept pumping even when he started to shoot semen again. I took a good hold on his ass and pushed his torso against mine so that his dick would be deep into me during the climax.
"We continued to tongue one another as he spilled over and his body shook with lust. After he had emptied his fluid into my body he sucked each of my nipples. I had always considered my breasts to be underdeveloped but the teenaged recent virgin was making me feel like a mature woman ... a beautiful woman.
"If my nephew had any plans to wander over the country for the remainder of his vacation they were gone now. We slept together and became lovers without shame or remorse.
"At the back of my mind was the nagging voice that told me it was all wrong but I ignored it as I enjoyed love for the first time in my life.
"When Sonny left that voice became louder and I didn't have the lad's waiting arms to run into. Every time I looked at the bed shared that first night I became very depressed. Incest. That was the word. I couldn't avoid it. I had seduced my fifteen year old nephew.
"Only the knowledge that I hadn't destroyed the lad prevented me from going insane. Sonny keeps writing me long letters, the kind that lovers write to one another, and he wants me to visit him in Washington this Christmas.
"I know that he wants to have sex with me again right in his own house occupied by his parents. The letters I send him are more guarded because I don't want one of them to fall into my sister's hands.
"I'm sure she's wondering what her son finds so attractive about the old maid librarian back in Kansas. If she ever found out it would kill her ... or she would kill me."
Reaction:
Marianne is an exceptionally guilt ridden woman and that is why she thinks that only death would resolve her problems. If her nephew had demonstrated that the sexual affair had depressed him rather than excited him she would have lost her hold on sanity.
Only the knowledge that she had sexually satisfied her nephew keeps her alive and reasonably sane. The boy proved to her that she was a genuine woman after all and this fact has lifted her spirits.
Incest or not, her affair with the fifteen year old lad was a very successful one.
Guilt and sex began at the same moment for Marianne when she started masturbating for the first time as a girl. John Trimble, in his book, AUTOEROTIC ACTIVITIES, claims that most people look upon masturbation as evidence that they are not attractive enough to have a sexual companion. This is especially true of adults who cannot use the excuse that they arc only indulging in a youthful outlet because they are not experienced enough to have intercourse.
The older the masturbator is the greater is his guilt. Marianne, at the age of forty-one, is guilty enough about her autoeroticism without adding the burden of pedophilia and incest.
Incest actually occurs between older males and girls but Marianne's case is an exception. Sigmund Freud, in his work on incest, TOTEM AND TABOO, maintains that every culture from the most primitive to the most sophisticated has laws against sex relationships between members of the same family.
Some cultures accept adultery and homosexuality as minor sins but even the most permissive of them reserves its harshest penalties for incest.
If Sonny had been a boy other than a blood kin Marianne would still feel guilty about the sex affair but not quite as much as she does now. She still remembers her nephew as the child she used to hold on her knee and this is tearing her apart.
As an aunt she is supposed to guard her nephew's morals rather than go to bed with him. She dreads the thought of meeting the boy again for fear that her needs would cause her to rekindle the incestuous relationship yet, because Sonny is the only male who has ever shown her love, she also craves his attentions once more.
This boy, despite the fact he is her fifteen year old nephew, has made her feel like a woman and this is something she requires most of all. Ever since she was a girl Marianne has been using phallic instruments on herself and, now that a male has given her his penis, she doesn't want to return to that dreaming, sterile, masturbatory life again.
Yet the librarian has gone back to masturbation because it has become such a strong habit with her. The only way she can break away from this habit is by having a lover around at all times. The only lover the woman knows is her young nephew.
Marianne is not the kind to go searching for other boys because she is simply not that overt and aggressive. Her pedophilia only came about through chance because the boy had been so available.
It is un-likely that, now that she has tasted the young flesh of boys, Marianne will begin a career in pedophilia. For one thing she cannot afford to do so in her small, tightly knit town where she would be uncovered right away.
Because her affair with her nephew had taken place in the privacy of her home where the lad had a reasonable right to be it went unnoticed in her community but, once she started to seek other boys in town, she would lose her job as well as reputation.
The woman's problems will resolve themselves once her nephew starts finding girls his own age. This will stop him from seeking out his aunt for sexual pleasure and the letters will no longer come to the lonely spinster in a dusty Kansas town. Either way Marianne will be a loser.