Chapter 7
INGRID
Case History: Ingrid O. ... Age: 37.
The subject is a well-formed brunette who is a successful real estate operator in Miami, Florida. She is single and lives alone in a bungalow near the beach which was where this taping took place.
"I've had many bad habits in my time, but I think that lad loving is the worst. At one time I was big on gambling and went to the track where I lost more money than I took in. I also bet on every kind of sporting event there was and was a constant loser.
"If I had all the dough I've thrown away on gambling, I could be living in a big house in one of the best sections of Miami instead of this little bungalow.
"For a couple of years I was on pills, both 'downers' and 'uppers'. It started out when I needed extra pep to pull myself through a trying day. A friend of mine gave me a couple of bennies and I sailed through my day without a hitch so I started to use them regularly. But you can't be up all the time, and you need sleep.
"That's when I started taking downers and I was off and running on the junk merry-go-round. I had to commit myself to a rest home before I broke that habit.
"In my younger days booze was a big thing for me. I wouldn't say I was an alcoholic, but I did bend a pretty good elbow. I quit when I woke up one morning in a flophouse with an unshaven ass in bed beside me.
"I knew that men were a bad habit, too, but I never thought cute little boys were even worse. I'm afraid to think what my next problem will be. Every time I feel I've run out of sins, another one crops up. If I ever kept a dog around this place, I'd probably make him.
"You can blame everything on my broken home. I went to an analyst for awhile and that's what he told me. By the way, psychoanalysis is another bad habit to get into; it is expensive and addicting.
"I went to this jerk for close to two years at fifty bucks a throw and I was as nutty at the end of that time as I had been at the beginning. I think nutty people are better off not taking any kind of treatment at all. Time cures everything.
"Anyhow, I was telling you about my broken home. My father was a new car dealer and made damned good money, which kept my mother, me and my two sisters in comfort, if not luxury. He was a handsome guy and had a weakness for anything with a slit between her legs.
"My mother knew all about his adulteries but tried to look the other way. She was the kind who loved to suffer in silence. I think she got a kick out of being kicked.
"We moved around a lot because my father hated the idea of settling down in one spot. He was a born bachelor who somehow got married. Even when we were in a new city for a few months, my father would spend most of his time away from home. He was a torn cat who had to have his tabbies.
"My mother wasn't much help in creating a feeling of security either. She lived in a dream world and neglected us kids. She was interested in stuff like astrology and splinter religions arid thought that the present life meant nothing and that the hereafter was all.
"The more my father chased broads, the more remote she became. All the while, I, with my sisters, looked like waifs out of Charles Dickens, even though there was enough money to keep us properly housed, fed and clothed.
"The break-up came when my father asked for a divorce. When my mother refused to give it to him, he just took off. Since my mother was unable to support herself, let alone three growing girls, she sent up out to relatives while she wandered in a daze off into the sunset.
"I don't know where she is now, and I don't care. Since she never gave me love, I can hardly expect to waste any tears on her. The last I heard about my father, he was arrested for dealing in stolen cars. He was sent to prison along with other members of his gang.
"I've kept track of my sisters, though. When my mother sent us out to relatives, we were split up because no one family could handle all three of us. I went into a home of an aunt and uncle who could be my grandparents. They were old, cranky and enjoyed running my parents down. Since I depended on them for life itself, I had to keep quiet.
"One of my sisters did better, and was sent to a house where the adults were warm and friendly and where there were other kids to play with. My second sister did even better, and was sent to an aunt and uncle who had been thinking of adopting a child. When my parents broke up, they were quick to pick the girl they always favored the most. Honestly, I felt like the runt of a litter of puppies.
"The happy homes my sisters went to reflected in their futures. Both girls have married good, hard-working men and are raising children of their own. I, who went from the frying pan into the fire, as far as homes were concerned, became a nut.
"For the life of me, I couldn't see why my aunt and uncle married one another because they rarely had conversations and most of the time we all sat in stony silence. When they did speak, it was to run someone down, usually my parents.
"I made up my mind very early in life that marriage was a sick institution and I promised that I wouldn't have anything to do with it. When sex began to nag at my growing body, I, like lonely kids everywhere, found masturbation an outlet and a comfort.
"My aunt caught my fingering myself in bed one night and whipped me with a strap. 'That's how you'll make yourself crazy!' she screamed. 'Crazy houses are full of people who abuse themselves!'
"I believed her and tried to avoid rubbing my slit, but sex kept demanding my attention more and more and I gave into the habit, the first of many. The only good thing my analyst did for me was to convince me that every young girl fingers her cunt while growing up.
"My body filled out fast and boys became interested in me. Love-starved and sex-hungry, I was a pushover for them. I lost my cherry when I was fourteen to a guy of about twenty. He took me to his room and started fingering my slit. When I didn't object he pulled out something larger than his finger.
"Since I was a minor, I suppose it was a case of rape, but I didn't feel like a victim of anything. Although he was just about an adult and took advantage of me, I didn't mind.
'"You've got such a pretty body,' he breathed when he got me to strip.
"My heart pounded wildly. It was the first compliment I'd ever received in my life. For this single bit of flattery, I was willing to give him my all.
"The young fellow took off his clothes. His chest was very hairy and his upright dick seemed to be very big. At the base of his penis were his testicles that hung like huge, hairy plums. He embraced me and our naked bodies touched. The fellow was anxious to get down to business, and slipped his mighty dong into my cleft.
"A sharp, tearing pain inside my body made me gasp. 'It's all right, sweetheart,' he whispered into my ear. 'That always happens the first time.'
"When he started rutting me like a bull in heat, I forgot about the pain and threw myself into the spirit of screwing. Up! Down! Up! Down! The fellow's body moved quickly and passionately.
"Suddenly he stopped and plowed his meat all the way into me. I felt something warm shoot out of his body and he sucked in his breath as his entire being reacted to the climax of the sexual act.
"I became the fellow's girl friend, much to the displeasure of my aunt and uncle. His reputation was well known in the neighborhood, and everyone knew that he didn't waste time on girls who didn't put out. My uncle ended the affair by threatening my first lover with an arrest for 'child molestation'. This scared him off and I never saw him again.
"My aunt and. uncle knew that I was going wild and nutty, so they figured they could marry me off and let someone else handle me. I was seventeen when they introduced me to a skinny, ugly little jerk of twenty-five who worked in a law office. The poor bastard didn't know how to go about getting girls and I was sure that he still had his cherry.
"When we went out on our first date, he was so shy that I, eight years his junior, had to open every conversation. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was many him. It would be like marrying a younger version of my uncle who wasn't much for words, either.
"This law clerk told my aunt and uncle that he was all for the marriage even though he never even held my hand. Before I knew it, preparations were being made and I could see that I was going to be forced into a marriage against my will if I didn't escape it in time.
"I packed a bag, left a note, and slipped out of the house in the dead of night. I don't know what happened to that law clerk, but I've heard, through my sisters, that the couple who had, after a fashion, raised me, lived to a ripe old age and died peacefully in bed. It was probably the only thing of importance those two ever did in bed during their dumb lives.
"I got a job as a waitress in a restaurant where guys were always making passes at me. Once I let one of them get into my pants, they all wanted a piece of nookie. The fellow who ran the restaurant fired me because he said he didn't want any tramps bringing down the quality of the joint.
"That's when my drinking began. I guess I was trying to drown my ever-present need for love and sex. Drinking only caused more trouble, because guys fought over me in bars. A bartender I knew wanted to marry me all the same, but I turned him down. Marriage was for sickies. It was better to have lovers.
"When my drunken period ended, I decided to get a hold of myself and make a good living for a change. I took courses in real estate and found that I had a knack of selling houses and property. I'm an extrovert who loves people and this is an asset on the job.
"Once I started making money, I discovered a way to get rid of all that green fast ... gambling. I was hooked on race tracks and enjoyed the give-and-take with other gamblers. Nothing joins people more than a similar vice.
"I lost money so fast that I had to borrow from my boss. This made him edgy because he knew where gambling led men and women. Finally he let me go because he didn't want me to get into any deeper debt to him than I was already. He wrote off my debt to him as a going away present.
"Only when I was stone broke did I finally give up the gambling habit. I found a job at another real estate office and was determined to make a go of it. I pushed myself so hard that I had to have pills to wake me up and to put me to sleep. Pills led me to a nut house, the place my aunt said I'd eventually wind up in for jerking off as a kid.
"I started going to an analyst after I got out. He didn't seem to do anything for his money. All he did was sit there in silence looking wise and knowing. I felt I was home again with my stone-faced uncle.
"My lad loving period began after I had undergone psychoanalysis, which shows you how much good it did for me.
"Kids rent bungalows for a week, a month, or the season every Winter around here. When I bought this place it was in the middle of August, the off-season in Florida, so this neighborhood was deserted. Then, when the first chill began up North, the place was suddenly jumping with all kinds of kids.
"I walked out to the beach one day and found it packed with cute lads wearing nothing but bathing trunks. There were some cute girls, too, but I didn't pay much attention to them.
"In my usual friendly fashion I started talking to some of the boys. I met a bunch of high school seniors who had talked their parents into letting them spend their Christmas vacation in warm Florida instead of icy Illinois. They all chipped in and rented the bungalow next to mine for a week, which didn't make me sad. Most people my age would resent having a gang of kids moving in next to them but I wasn't like most people my age.
"Ken, Edward, Jimmy and Jay were all seventeen years old. They were loose upon the world by themselves for the first time, and naturally their main interest was girls. It seems that all of them were virgins and they had made a pact to get laid in Florida or bust. They told me this when they were a bit loaded on beer.
"At the time they didn't think of me as a possible solution to their plans because they all had eyes for the pretty girls in their bikinis. I had a more matronly figure and I probably reminded them of their mothers. I certainly was old enough.
"The boys soon learned that far more boys than girls were at the bungalow colony and they had to compete with a lot of other studs for the same broads. With a tight timetable staring them in the face, they got desperate. 'You know any girls?' Ken, a chubby boy with pink cheeks asked me.
"We were sitting around their rented bungalow swilling beer in our bathing suits and I felt sorry for the lads. They hadn't come to Florida to get warm, but to get laid. I felt annoyed by the fact that they didn't even consider making it with me. I was still kind of a mother-image to them, someone they went to with problems but not pricks.
'"The only girl I really know,' I told the boys, 'is me.'
"The kids exchanged glances. For the first time they looked upon me as a sexual being. I guess they had been put off by my advanced age before, but now that I had opened the door for them, they didn't waste much time getting in.
'"You've got a great figure,' Edward, a tall lad with black hair told me, opening the door a bit wider.
"Tm no slip of a girl in a bikini,' I said, 'but I've never had any complaints.'
"Jay's crotch bulged obviously and he leered down at the valley formed by my breasts as he stood next to my chair. 'I always did like women with meat on them,' he said tightly.
"It hadn't taken the boys long to get sexually aroused. At their age the slightest erotic suggestion sent blood pouring into their dicks. I thought that any further conversation would be cock-teasing, so I threw my door open as wide as possible and invited the gang in.
"I stood up and peeled off my bathing suit. 'First come, first served,' I said with a grin.
"The boys stripped off their bathing trunks. Each of them had an erection and they crowded around me at once, probing their stiff tubes against my body. I stretched out on a bed and Jay climbed on top of me first. He rammed his male member into my vagina, and for the very first time in his young life, started screwing.
"Ken, Edward, and Jimmy watched as they gathered about the bed. I looked up at their taut balls and erected penises. They were all so anxious to lose their virginities. Boys in their teens think that there is something unmanly in not having sex with girls at their age. Virtue may be an attractive thing in a girl but it was some kind of a crime in a boy.
"Jay shot his load a few seconds after he mounted me. When he peeled himself off my body he seemed very proud and joyful. He had become a man by coming.
"Edward was next and he rammed into me in a rather clumsy way, but I knew that, in time, experience would smooth out his rough edges. He had the raw material to be a great lover because his penis was very large and hard. After pumping into me for a few seconds he reached a climax. He, like the other lads, were so primed for sex that they couldn't contain themselves once they made contact with a female body for the first time.
"Ken, the chubby kid, didn't have much of a rod, but he more than made up for his lack of inches with sheer energy. His heaviness pressed down against me and he sometimes thrust his dick outside my body, but eventually, he shot his come and a new man was born.
"Jimmy, a cute kid with curly blond hair, all but threw himself on my body when his turn came. He had been aroused enough at the beginning, but after seeing his friends screw me, his young dong was about to split at the seams with need. He was well-endowed and he used his tool very well despite his boiling need.
"I assumed he had picked up pointers from watching the other lads bang me. When he poured his juice into my body he issued a huge sigh of relief. The pact that he had made with his friends about getting laid in Florida or busting was now fulfilled.
"Since I had taken on the four lads just two days before they were due to leave for Illinois, I didn't have much more time with them. The boys realized that a bird in the hand was worth a half dozen on the beach and spent the remainder of their vacation screwing me. I saw them off at the airport and they promised to see me the next chance they got.
"Teenaged boys now became my newest vice and I threw myself into it as I had with all the other previous sins. Around the beach my name became popular. I was the old bag who dug the flesh of little kids. My reputation brought me studs by the dozens and sometimes kids of eleven and twelve started hanging around my bungalow.
"I chased them away fast. Morality begins when you draw the line and I drew it at the age of fifteen. I didn't want to take on anyone younger than that. I think a couple of fourteen year olds slipped in but I never asked any of the studs for birth certificates.
"For every rose there is a thorn, as the saying goes. My thorns came when I was walking along the beach one night alone. When I reached a deserted section I turned to walk back to my house. Just as I did, I heard a cry in the darkness. 'There she is!'
"There was a rush of feet and I soon found myself surrounded by a wolf pack of boys ranging in age from fourteen to seventeen. It was so dark I couldn't tell exactly how many there were, but I didn't need light to know that they were all drunk or high on dope. Having been addicted to both booze and pills in my time, I could tell when someone was on something.
"'I hear you like to fuck kids,' one of the younger ones said.
"'Some other time,' I said and tried to move on.
"Instantly I was covered with hands. All the boys started demanding that I strip and take them all on right there. I tried to push them away, but there were too many of them and they were all made powerful by alcohol, junk and sexual need.
'"Let's rape her!" I heard a young lad suggest
"I recognized the voice. He was a fifteen year old I had already taken on. He wanted to rape me, not because I was unavailable, but because he was caught up in the madness of the moment. There was a streak of violence in all males and I could feel it being released among the boys like a storm.
"Although they had to know that I would have willingly had sex with them if they had asked me in a nice way, they were all too high on violence to care. Of all the drugs, violence was the most addictive and most dangerous.
"The boys tore off my clothes. I was so far away down the deserted end of the beach that my screams went unheard except by the raping pack. If anything, my sufferings seemed to delight them.
"'Look at her ass!' a boy cried when my rear was exposed.
"'Look at her tits!'" another screamed when my bra was torn off.
"'Look at her cunt!' three or four lads screamed at the same time.
"Naked, I was thrown down upon the sand. Someone fell on top of me. He thrust his erect penis into my vagina and started the mass rape.
"Boys pulled off their pants and some stripped themselves completely naked. They weren't content to wait in line, and stiff dicks were shoved at me from all directions. I was rolled over on my side so that a boy could sodomize me while another fornicated. A kid who could be no more than fourteen straddled my head and rammed his penis into my mouth. I was so pinned down by naked boys I had no other choice but to French him.
"Three-way rape became the order of the night. As soon as someone climaxed into my vagina, anus or mouth, another dick would be shoved into the opening. There were so many boys having orgasms, the darkness seemed to take on the odor of warm semen.
"The pack of sexually aroused teenagers also used their mouths on me and sucked at every part of my body. Boys chewed on my nipples, butt, legs, thighs, belly and vagina. The mouthing began in earnest when the last boy had shot the final load.
"The lads were so swept up by the mass rape that they couldn't stop themselves even though they had reached their climaxes. But, as with all storms, this sexual one finally passed.
"The boys left as quickly as they had arrived, and I was alone once more. I managed to cover myself with my torn clothing and I crawled back to my bungalow.
"I couldn't call the police, of course. What could I tell them? Could I complain that I had been raped by boys I had already seduced? But, while the police never learned about the mass attack, everyone around here did.
"Boys avoided me and I knew that some of them had been in on the big rape. Since I've stopped encouraging boys to have sex with me, they'll all know that I've soured on young studs since the attack.
"Now I don't even go out on the beach at all. I'll probably put on my bathing suit after the season is over and I'm thinking of selling this bungalow.
"It used to be that I was wild for teenaged boys but now I can't stand the sight of them. Lad loving has gone the way of all my other bad habits. I wonder what I'll take up next?"
Reaction:
Ingrid is a woman who lives her life in frantic phases. Gambling had been one of her phases and so were drugs and alcohol. After her brutal experience on the beach, it is doubtful that she will be a lad lover once more.
She will find some other vice, and after tiring of it, she will look around for another form of self-destruction.
Ingrid has strong suicidal impulses which are balanced by an equally strong need to survive and enjoy life. When she goes as far as she dares with one form of self-destruction, she retreats from it and rebuilds herself.
Once the woman finds that she is whole and stable again, she moved towards destruction once more and this pattern repeats itself time after time as her need to live and her wish to die battle each other.
All of us, according to Wilhelm Stekel, in his book, PECULIARITIES OF BEHAVIOR, have suicidal impulses along with an instinct to survive.
In Ingrid's case, her opposing drives are much more marked than the average person. Because she has denied herself the stabilizing relationship of marriage, Ingrid appears doomed to spend the rest of her life being battered between her strong desires to live and to die.
Alcohol and drugs are instruments of self-destruction, but after almost killing herself with them, Ingrid made a splendid effort to become a success in real estate. Her period of stability didn't last long as she started to gamble.
Smiley Blanton, in his book, LOVE OR PERISH, claims that gambling is a form of both self-destruction and a cry for love. Since Ingrid has both of these impulses, it was only natural that she fell into the habit of gambling.
When people bet small sums of money in hopes of getting much larger amounts, it is their way of demanding the love they feel had been denied them. And, when gamblers lose constantly, they are actually giving away their lives in little bits in the shape of money.
When Ingrid went broke at the tracks, she accepted this as a kind of death, and falling back on her life's pattern, rebuilt her bank balances and her life through hard work.
In lad loving, Ingrid found another habit where love and self-destruction were almost one as with gambling. She entered the world of pedophilia in hopes of finding the love that always seemed to pull away from her grasp.
But, even as she had sex relations with teenaged boys, she knew that she was performing socially unacceptable acts. This realization satisfied her suicidal impulses and she increased her scope of pedophilia, until, at last, she neared the border of self-destruction once more when she became a victim of a mass rape by teenagers.
At the time of the interview, Ingrid was in her rebuilding phase, and so could view herself objectively. By the time her confession is published, she will probably be in the midst of another destructive period.
I can only hope that she will read these lines and learn to live again. One way she can do this is through the love of an adult male ... and not a teenaged lad.
This is one of the worst cases of pedophilia that I have so far come across and it will probably top all those off that I will ever come across.
Even the boys, to whom she gave her body so completely, could not tolerate the degree that she went to. They showed this by actually getting back at her in the end. They all felt guilty themselves. And they could have only picked up this deep feeling of guilt from their lover, Ingrid.
As in all the cases so far, this deep guilt rears its ugly head. The boys picked it up and had to use violence to overcome it. Thus the rape scene on the beach. They knew that by raping Ingrid that they would probably destroy the temptation of having a willing, elderly woman around to fuck whenever they wanted.
Ingrid, who has many years of sex ahead of her, will perhaps even go back to pedophilia after she loses her paranoia of the young rapists. And when she does, she will again go to the extremes that she did on previous occasions in pedophilia and, indeed, in her other vices.
Very -likely though, her next vice will combined with drugs. She will probably resort to heavy doses of drugs in order to suppress the pain of all her enormous appetites being shut off by society's rules about sex. And, if she does go to drugs, this may be her last vice.
Since she is still relatively young, when you compare her age to that of the other cases in this book, she may even try her luck at prostitution. For here she may come across the type of young men she-likes and even get paid for her services.
There are many prostitutes today who are in that profession for just that reason, to satisfy then-own lusts and to make a decent living at it at the same time. It seems that this is the most expedient way for a woman who has a case of nymphomania or pedophilia to feed her hungry sexual appetite.
Of course, one way out for Ingrid would be to face up to all the facts of her past. She had a very poor family life with her mother, father and even her aunt and uncle.
Her analyst tried to help her out with this and even she acknowledged it. Her troubles in the present stem from the strict repressions and suppressions of her early family life. The rest of the cases in this book actually reflect the same thing. Because of early suppressions and stops on any normal sexual outlet, the woman has turned to perversions and later felt guilty about it.
Possibly, if these women could actually reflect fully on their pasts and resolve the problems there that have never been resolved, then they could be free now to be normal. If looked at closely, even the parents of Ingrid were victims of their own early family life. It is a never ending cycle of sexual suppression which stimulates every kind of perversion in the books.
As of this writing an organization is making a study on all perversions and their causes and might come up with some applicable answers for cases such as Ingrid's.