Chapter 4
The bus screeched to a halt in the terminal in downtown Los Angeles. I had picked the west coast for no other reason than the first bus that left Kansas City was headed in that direction. This time I didn't gape up at the buildings as I had when I went to Kansas City. The rube from the sticks had had her rough edges smoothed clean.
I had a little over two hundred dollars which meant I didn't have to look for a job right away. One glance at the want ads told me that there were plenty of menial jobs opened for people who didn't care too much about the future. In the restaurant business the employee turnover was terrific so I could always hustle food trays again.
The cheapest place to live in Los Angeles was an area called Venice which was right on the Pacific Ocean. Hippies lived there for that reason along with winos and old people who had to get along on fixed incomes. I selected a rooming house run by a balding, oily man of thirty named Henry. I didn't like the way he kept throwing personal questions at me so I just ignored him. Beautiful teenaged girls alone seemed to be fair game to men. After my affair with Bill I wasn't interested in getting involved in another relationship. I just wanted to live day by day. Maybe something would turn up.
My room was a bit more comfortable than the ones I had in Kansas City which wasn't saying much. The view was better, though. The single window overlooked the beach. I promised myself that I would buy a bathing suit. The ocean was a big thing to a girl from the country where the biggest body of water was a pond. I spent the rest of that day walking up and down the shoreline getting my shoes and slacks wet. After that long trip on the bus I felt free and light.
It was dark by the time I got back to my room. As soon as I opened the front door Henry greeted me from his position at the end of the hall. He was sitting in a chair near a table. I had the idea that he made a practice of checking on everyone who came in and out. In Venice people had the habit of renting a room and then bringing in other non-paying guests.
I gave Henry a weak smile and locked the door to my room. I could hear the surf and thought that this was a nice, normal, natural thing to listen to at night. When I looked out of my window I was happy to find that I couldn't see into another room. That couple back in Kansas City had given me the sexual hunger to accept Bill as a lover. It was best that I had no temptations. Maybe my voyeurism would die with neglect.
The next day I parted with some of my precious money to buy a two-piece bathing suit. It wasn't a bikini but it was small enough to be sexy. I put on slacks and a sweater and walked barefoot to the beach. I wasn't the only one with that thought in mind. All over the rundown area people, most of them young, were walking towards the ocean. Some of the boys wore beards and more than a few tried to catch my eye. I stared straight ahead. I wasn't going to get involved with anyone. I wanted to enjoy my brief moment of freedom along before I had to find a job in another week.
As a girl from the farm swimming wasn't my strong point but I did enjoy being knocked about by the surf. I've always wondered why so many people from Kansas relocated in Southern California and now I could see why. If one had to struggle to make ends meet it was better to do it in a nice climate.
I sunned myself and loafed and a week went by before I knew it. The realities of life were crowding in on me. I couldn't be a girl of leisure forever so I went job hunting.
Los Angeles was spread out all over the map so that you really needed a car to get from place to place. I couldn't find any work in Venice and I had to ride buses to get to downtown Los Angeles where I took a job as food handler in a large cafeteria. It was my duty to load up dishes with things the customers pointed out on the hot food line. It was easier than keeping the counters filled with stuff but it was still hard enough. By the time I got my first paycheck I made up my mind to find a better job later on. For the moment I just wanted to replenish my savings.
Henry told me that I was one of the few guests at his rooming house who seemed to have a steady job. When I asked how the others got along he told me that they received checks from their family. I burned with envy. How wonderful it would be to sit back and let money come to me instead of breaking my ass for it. The hippies came from middle-class and upper-income homes so their parents could afford to dole out monthly paychecks while they lived the good life.
I knew that pot-smoking was a popular indoor sport in Venice because so many kids walked around bombed out of their skulls. They weren't noisy or violent so they didn't bother me. I wondered what marijuana was like but I didn't dare sound out anyone about how I could come by some.
People were always coming and going at the rooming house so I didn't get to know anyone. I lived in a most transient world. One Sunday night I heard the door next to mine open and close and voices murmur. New neighbors. The last one who lived in that room was a sullen young man with a beard who walked around like a ghost. He gave me the creeps. When I heard a woman's voice followed by a man's I became interested. I sat up in bed and plastered my ear against the thin wall.
"It's a dump, Charley," the woman complained.
"What the fuck do you expect in Venice?" he answered. "I told you we have to save money."
There was some moving of drawers and shuffling of feet as the couple put their clothes away. I wondered if they were married. The rooming houses of the care catered mainly to singles. I heard the bed squeal. This sound made my heart quicken for I knew it had to signal the beginning of love.
The man yawned. "Shit, but I'm tired, Ellen," he told her. "I don't think I can get it you tonight."
"Try the best you can, baby," she cooed.
My pussy began to itch with mounting excitement. After a month in California I was becoming a voyeur again except with my ears instead of my eyes. I had never realized just how thin the walls were until now because that silent, sullen man with the beard was as quiet as a mouse. This couple, on the other hand, were refreshingly noisy.
I heard shoes dropping to the floor and clothes being stripped off. Were they completely naked, I wondered? The bed squealed louder and I was certain that both were in it now. "Aw, come on, Ellen," the man complained wearily. "Let go of my prick."
"I just want to play with it for awhile, sugar," she answered. "It's my security blanket."
The bed squealed again. I held my breath for fear that I would miss a word. There was a long pause and then something that sounded like kisses. "It's getting harder," the woman whispered huskily. "You can do it, Charley."
Again I heard the shifting of weight and then a steady tempo as the bed bounced. He was on her.. .and in her! Only a few feet away a couple were making love. I wanted to tear a hole in the wall so that I could see.
"Oh!" the woman gasped in passion. "Oh! Oh! Ohhhhhhhh!"
Lucky bitch, I thought. She was having her ass screwed off while I lay alone in bed. She kept moaning and groaning with orgiastic sounds until, at last, there was silence. Then I heard heavy breathing that indicated sleep.
I was wide awake. After a month of sexlessness desire was coming back to me in a rush. I ached to know what the couple next door looked like. Both had some kind of accent that I couldn't quite place although I was sure they were born in this country. They sounded Southern. I wondered if they were young and attractive.
I managed to get to sleep and was awakened by the closing of a door the next morning. I threw on a robe and picked up a bar of soap and towel as if I were anxious to get to the bathroom. When I opened my own door I saw the couple that had just left the room next to mine head for the front door. It was no wonder they sounded Southern....they were black!
I watched them leave the house in awe. I came from a lily-white area where Negroes were very rare. None had attended my school so I had grown up without meeting a single black. Although I had seen some in Kansas City I never exchanged a word with any of them. Now I was living next door to a pair of handsome blacks, a couple I had heard making love. Both were in their twenties. The man was tall, husky and very dark while the woman was slim and tan. What did they look like naked, I wondered?
When I went to work that day I took special notice of Negroes. Since I had grown up with whites only I had no strong feelings for or against blacks. But, after last night, I now felt curious. I wanted to see that pair next door.
The next night was a repeat of the first. The couple talked about sex in raw, casual terms and they seemed to take a delight in speaking their desires. "Don't stay out in the sun too long, Ellen," I heard the man say. "I don't like my ass too black."
"Then why the shit don't you get yourself a white chick?" she wondered.
"Oh, I've thrown my cock into white gash before," he told her. "Under the blankets it's all the same."
I cupped my hands over my bare breasts as he spoke. What would it be like to have sex with a Negro? Did they have superior sexual skills as I've been led to believe? Were they better endowed than white men?
The squealing of the bed next door drove me wild with wanting. In desperation I grabbed my favorite dildo.. .a battery-operated vibrator. It was seven inches long and made of smooth plastic. I bought it through a magazine where it was being advertised as a device to "massage" all parts of your body in order to get "deep, penetrating relief from tensions." It was an open secret that the device was used by women on one area of the body alone. . .her vagina.
I touched the button that turned on the vibrator and slipped the pumping head of it into my cunt. Although the vibrator wasn't a human penis it did have the advantage of being larger than the average male organ and it also never went limp. For lonely females who didn't know how or want to get involved with men this was an object with which to "massage" away her "tensions" through "deep, penetrating relief."
As I listened to the black lovers next door go at it I rubbed the vibrating head of the dildo up and down my slit and then pushed it deeper into my body. The device made a slight, humming noise but I was sure that the people beyond the wall couldn't hear it. I slipped the dildo into my body another inch and another. I wanted to moan with pleasure but I knew that they would hear that.
"Charley! Charley!" the woman gasped in sensual joy as he plowed his black prick into her.
"Charley...Charley," I whispered to myself as I rammed the large, smooth dildo as far as I could into my gash holding on to a fraction of an inch at the wide base. My vagina heated up and grew moist with passion. I let go of the vibrator not caring if it became lost inside my body. I rubbed my breasts violently and pumped up against my invisible lover.
I slept late the next morning because it was my day off. It was a sunny day so I put on my bathing suit and then my jeans and sweater. By now I knew something about swimming so I founded around in the ocean with more energy than skill. Then I saw them...my black neighbors.
Charley and Ellen were in bathing suits walking arm-in-arm so engrossed in one another that they paid no attention to the sex-starved white girl who kept staring at them. I had only caught glimpses of them before but now I could really see them. The man had broad shoulders, a narrow waist and long, muscular legs. His skin was like black silk and completely hairless. The man's crotch bulged with sex outlined by the tight pair of swim trunks that he wore.
Ellen had small breasts for such a tall woman but her legs were exceptionally beautiful. Usually slender women had shapeless legs but her's were perfect, as if created by an artist. Her tight suit brought out the curve of her ass and I could see the long crack between her saucy butt halves.
I watched the Negro couple walk away and my heart pounded with excitement. There just had to be a way I could peep in on them. Knowing that they were out of the house I walked back to the building and stood on top of a sand dune. From this point I could see the rooming house but the window I wanted faced away from the ocean. I walked around the place until I found the only spot I could peep from. It was clear to me that watching the couple from the outside was impossible since I had to stand on a street between that window and another building. With this view of the street I was sure that the couple knew enough to close their shades anyhow so voyeurism seemed to be out.
I returned to my room and stared hard at the thin wall that separated me from the loving couple. If only there were some kind of peephole. All I needed was a small opening. Then I saw a nail that had been driven into the wall. I hadn't noticed it before because it was so small. It was just about eye level and I assumed that someone must've hung a picture there at one time. Just how deep did the nail go in, I wondered?
I used a dime to pry around the edges of the nail's head. It became looser and looser until I was able to pull the nail out by hand. A small beam of light came through the hole. When I pressed my eye against the spot the nail had been I could see directly into the room next door! I saw the bed against the other wall perfectly. That nail had been driven through the thin partition that separated the rooms completely and now I had my porthole.
That old sense of expectation that had begun in my childhood when I watched that shower stall rose in me once more. I pulled down the shade to my room to shut out all the light possible since the little hole could be used both ways. I took off my jeans, sweater and damp bathing suit and dried myself. Delighting in my own nudity and itchy pussy I didn't put my jeans and sweater back on. In preparation for what I hoped would come I placed the vibrator on my bed.
An hour or so later the front door opened and closed. I heard Henry greet the couple. They were here! I picked up the vibrator and pressed my right eye against the small hole. I couldn't see much of the room or the bed but it was better than nothing.
Ellen appeared, passing before my eye. I heard her pull the shade down and the room grew darker but it was still light enough to see. She returned to my viewport and took off a terry cloth robe. Her man appeared wearing nothing but his trunks. He disappeared and I heard a drawer open and close. "Where are the cigarettes?" he asked flatly.
Ellen took off the bra part of her suit and exposed her high, conical breasts that were capped with nipples darker than her skin. "You've smoked a pack today already, Charley," she chided him. "That's enough."
He returned to my peephole still wearing his trunks and taking no notice at all of the beautiful breasts so close to him. Like many couples they took one another's body for granted. I wasn't that lucky.
Ellen stripped off the rest of her suit and stood facing me. She had a neat triangle of dark pubic hair and I could see the outline the tight swim suit made on her thighs and hips. She turned and showed me her cute rump. Over each butt half was a deep dimple. She dropped her bathing suit and bent over so that I could see her anus clearly. At that moment a dark vision came into view silently. Charley pressed his naked body against her exposed rump in a kidding fashion. "Oh, baby, be glad I'm not Greek!" he laughed.
She unbent and slapped him kiddingly on the face. "No, you don't look Greek to me," she told him.
Ellen walked away leaving the man alone in my sight. He stood with his left side to me as he watched his woman. His limp prick hung dark and long. I clutched at the vibrator.
The black girl reappeared throwing herself across the bed with her ass up. "I'm tired," she complained. "I'm just not used to swimming."
Charley sat on the edge of the bed sideways so that I had an excellent view of his penis and testicles. "Poor baby," he said and ran his black hands over the girl's ass and back.
He massaged her body slowly, lovingly and expertly as if he had done it to her before. Bill had never done that to me. There was something very warm and sensual about a massage. It was little wonder why the vibrator sold to so many women who used it to massage themselves. I rubbed the smooth, rounded head of the dildo over my pussy as I watched the black lovers. , Charley now became aroused and I watched his black tool stiffen and rise. When it was fully erected it didn't seem any larger than Bill's despite the fact that he was a bigger, heavier man. No doubt the myth of black sexual superiority was started by whites who feared Negroes.
Charley licked his girl's vagina and I watched his red, wet tongue lap inside her opening. She kept moaning and squirmed a little. The bed squealed. Now I didn't have to be frustrated with sound.. .I could be frustrated with sight.
He ran his tongue up to her belly and sucked a hickey mark there. Charley knelt on the bed with his knees on each side of her body. I pushed the vibrator into me another inch and placed the base of it against the wall.
"Charley," Ellen asked," do you hear something?"
"He listened for a moment. "Sounds like something electrical from the other room," he said looking towards the peephole.
I caught my breath. They heard my vibrator! I pulled it out of my box and turned it off. The black couple seemed to be frozen for a moment and then the man shrugged. "I hear nothing now," he said and returned to his oral love-making.
I let out my breath slowly. When I had placed the base of the vibrator against the wall I amplified the sound somehow. I was glad I found out about that soon enough. This time I inched the dildo back into my slit without the battery going.
Charley stretched himself out on his woman and guided his aroused stick into her body with his hand. He pushed all the way into her and started pumping. I moved the dildo at the same time, jerking off as he fucked.
"Nice...nice," Ellen sighed as he banged her.
She slipped her hands over his back and held him close as I had done so many times with Bill. There wasn't any differences among the races when it came to sex, obviously. Charley rammed with a faster tempo and she started those orgiastic moans of hers again. He pushed all the way into her and lay there. I could tell by the way the girl's toes curled up that she was receiving her man's sperm.
I pushed all seven inches of my plastic penis into my gash and pressed
myself against the wall. I breathed along with the girl, heavily and filled with lust. When the man pulled out of her his black cock was damp and partially limp. "Oh, baby, you'll be the death of me yet," he told her.
"Yes, but what a lovely way to die," she answered.
I pulled the dildo out of my body and left the peephole. I lay on the bed with my legs spread wide and hoped that some sex fiend would come in and rape me. There was no question about it...I had to find me a real man. This business of peeping and masturbating could only lead to insanity. In was sick. Girls aren't supposed to be Peeping Toms. Peeping Tom was a man. W as it possible that I was already insane?
Once I tried to cover up that peephole so that I would no longer be tempted into voyeurism but it was useless. As soon as I heard someone in the room next door I would press my eye against the tiny hole. Not only didn't I keep it covered but I enlarged it, doubling the size. It still wasn't a big hole but it now had to be twice as visible to the naked eye. Suppose the black couple discovered the hole? Suppose they even found me peeping at them?
The black couple never did find it and they checked out a week after I enlarged the hole. I missed them. Although we had never exchanged a word I felt that I knew them intimately.
The room remained empty for three days and then, one afternoon after a swim, I heard someone stirring next door. I hurried over to the peephole and saw no one for a moment although I knew that room was occupied. A fully clothed figure walked by.. .a somewhat chubby man in his early twenties. He wasn't handsome but that didn't matter. He was something new to look at. I staged through the peephole but he never took off his clothes and he left the room. No matter. There would be other opportunities.
That night I lay in the darkness waiting for a sound. I was about to fall asleep when I heard the door open and close softly. Suddenly a narrow beam of light cut across my room when the man turned his lamp on. I heard shoes striking the floor. When I pressed my eye against the hole I saw the chubby stranger taking off his clothes. When he got to his shorts I was afraid that he would go no further but then off they came.
He had a good-sized prick that was in a relaxed state. The man scratched himself and sat down on the edge of the bed. He took something out of the pockets of his pants. He placed a candle on a chair before him and lit it. He then put something in a spoon and held it over the small flame. I was completely mystified. It was if he were performing some religious rite's.
The chubby stranger held the spoon over the flame for awhile and then poured what ever it was into something that looked like a glass tube. The next thing he did was to place a needle on one end of the tube. With that done he rubbed the crook of one elbow until he brought a vein to surface and then injected the stuff into his arm. A junkie!
I wanted to look away but I was too much of a voyeur for that. I watched the man's face grow soft and dreamy. He lay back against the bed and stared into space with a strange smile on his lips.
This time I stepped away from the viewport. I was so depressed by what I saw that I felt no sexual tingle at all. At any rate the junkie in the next room didn't last long. He moved out four days later. I didn't miss him at all.
I kept hoping that some of the friendly hippies would take the room. Although I found it difficult to start a relationship with any of them I knew I could enjoy one from a distance if only one, a couple or a group would move into my viewport. It was weird. Here I was dying with loneliness and frustration yet I didn't dare find a friend. I was terrified of getting involved with someone who would later betray me.
Once more I heard new voices in the room next to mine. When I gazed through the peephole I smiled. I saw a girl my age and a man in his twenties. The couple didn't look like hippies and were very attractive. From what I gathered of their conversation both went to U.C.L.A. which was a university located nearby. He was a postgraduate student while she was a junior. In the modern world of love and let love such arrangements were common.
When the man took off his clothes he exposed a lean, wiry body and a large, aroused cock. The girl had heavy breasts and a wide can. I was so glad to have "company" again that I forgot myself and started the vibrator. I placed the base of it against the wall and this made the couple part just as he was about to ram into her. "What the hell is that?" the man wanted to know and he looked right into my eye.
I shut the vibrator off and stepped back but it was already too late. He looked through the hole and saw me. "Hey, what the fuck!" he cried. "There's a chick here who's been watching us."
I pulled my clothes on in disgust. Once again I had been discovered doing my crazy thing. The man pounded on the wall. "Come on over here, honey," he offered loudly. "We dig threesomes."
When I didn't answer he dressed and started knocking at my door. I still remained quiet. I burned with mortification. How was I ever going to face them? Finally the man gave up and returned to his room. While all this was going on the girl pasted something over the peephole that I had made. She spoke aloud so that I couldn't help hearing her. "Some chicks are real weird," she cried. "Some can't get a guy of their own so they have to look at men through the walls."
I heard the couple talk about me. The girl insisted that her boyfriend see the owner of the rooming house and complain about me. To my horror he gave into her demands and left the room. A minute later there was another knock on the door. "Miss Dixon," I heard Henry call softly.
There was no use trying to hide in my room. I had to face the issue somehow. When I opened the door I spoke rapidly before anyone could accuse me of anything. "Look, don't get me wrong," I explained. "I just now saw that little hole. When I looked in I saw you two and then stepped back." offered.
I thought I had the situation about licked when the girl saw my vibrator. I had forgotten to put it away. She picked it up and turned it on. "Look, darling," she said to her boyfriend. "It's one of those jerk-off things. Remember when I had one?"
The girl went over to the wall and placed the base end of the vibrator against it. It was too late to make excuses now. They had found out all they needed to know about me. The sound that the girl created was the one that had made them stop in their love-making. I couldn't claim that I just now found that peephole.
"All of you please leave the room," I said without looking up. "I'll pack and go."
Once again the man from next door offered to take me on. "If it's a screwing you want, doll, I'm the best," he said.
His girl led him out of the room but Henry; the balding, oily manager remained. His greasy face became a mask of evil. Now that I had been uncovered as a female voyeur he acted as if he owned me. My sin made me public property. He put his clammy hand on my arm. "You don't have to move," he said. "You don't even have to pay rent. Look, I live alone and know how you feel. You don't have to use that vibrator. I got a cock t that's..."
"Please leave me alone," I cut in and edged away from him.
He sniffed angrily. "Look, kid, I'm being nice when I shouldn't. This is a respectable place and you go around drilling holes in the wall so you can look at people in bed. I should call the cops. What's the matter with you anyhow? You're a pretty girl. You shouldn't have trouble getting laid. You sick or something? You got hang-ups?"
His badgering got on my nerves. "Damn you!" I snapped. "I'm normal. I can make love like anyone else. You want to prove it?"
I took off my sweater and bared my breasts. Henry's eyes bulged out of his ugly face. He was anything but my type yet I had to prove that I was not crazy. I suppose I wanted to prove it more to myself than to anyone else.
When I took off my jeans and stood in front of him start naked it was my turn to needle him. "What's the matter, Henry? Something wrong with you? Can't you get it up?" I asked.
"Baby, you just don't know me," he said and started to strip.
Henry pushed against me and I fell on the bed. While there was nothing wrong with him sexually he had a difficult time gifting into my box because of his weird shape. Finally he did ram his tool in and he started banging away.
I cringed under his assaults and stared hard at the ceiling. Once again my voyeurism had led me into a crummy situation. The boys at the pond raped me and forced me to go down on each of them. Bill took me for every cent I had and made a fool of me, and now this awful creep was thrusting into my body.
Henry kept gasping as he pumped and I thought he was going to have a heart attack right on top of me. When I heard scraping against the other side of the wall I knew that the people I had looked at now were looking at me in action. I stared directly into that small hole and caught the glint of an eye. Now I could prove to them that I was able to fuck like other healthy girls.
"Look at that guy go!" I heard the girl say. "Let's keep this hole and look at everybody else like that chick did."
I stared hard and cold at that eye that I now knew belonged to the girl. She had forced this situation upon me and I wanted to see that she enjoyed it. Henry grunted like a pig and I wrapped my arms and legs around him pretending passion as he shot his load.
"Look at them go!" the girl exclaimed again.
The man's orgasm didn't last long but I hung on to him as if he were the handsomest, most virile thing on earth. When I finally released him he gazed at me with a moist face. "Stay here," he begged. "Stay with me. I'll be good to you."
"Yeah, stay!" the man in the other room called out. "We all can be good friends."
I needed them so badly but suddenly my taste for them had vanished under the weight of the ugly man and the eyes of the young couple. I should've been content to keep love at a safe distance where it wouldn't hurt me.