Chapter 3

Kansas City, Missouri was just average sized as American cities go but to me it was a gigantic new world. I walked around the streets like a country rube staring up at the buildings and almost being hit by cars. I was only seventeen but I now had to make my own way in life somehow.

I had taken along with me all the money I had which was twenty-seven dollars. I had spent nine dollars on bus fare which left me with eighteen bucks. Dumb rube that I was I had no idea what things cost in the big city. When I saw a sign over a hotel saying that rooms could be had for a low of three dollars I thought it meant for a week. Instead, of course, it meant for a day which came to me as a shock when I talked to the desk clerk. "Haven't you anything cheaper?" I asked.

"Miss," the desk clerk pointed out, "the only thing cheaper is a flophouse and they're only for men."

The hotel did have a weekly rate which came to eighteen dollars so I took it in hopes of adding to my worldly goods via a job. I didn't have to pay the rent until the week was up so I had time to work in. I was tempted to ask the desk clerk for a job but I was afraid that he would peg me as a deadbeat or, worse, a hooker feeling out the new territory. I was now too cautious of the male animal to reveal just how vulnerable and alone I was.

After spending my life in a big, comfortable room with an excellent view my room depressed me. As the cheapest room in the place it overlooked an air shaft and it was about the size of two coffins put together. The walls were dusty and unpainted and the bed was hard. I sat on it and cried for about a half an hour. I knew that I could not go back home. Where I came from scandals never died and I would spend my life being pointed out by leering men and snickering women. No, somehow or other I had to survive.

I was young, pretty and intelligent so I had these things going for me so I couldn't see why I couldn't make it. Time was wasting, I thought, and dried my eyes. With a rent bill staring me in the face I had no time to waste.

I bought a newspaper and looked up the want ads. There were factories willing to take on inexperienced girls just out of high school but the idea of being cooped up in a noisy plant turned me off. What I wanted was something close to the hotel so I could save carfare by walking to and from work. I decided to ignore the paper and just walk around the neighborhood next to the hotel. That's when I found a big cafeteria with a cardboard sign in the window claiming that it needed men, women, boys and girls. Since I fit into one of those categories I went in and applied for a job. I was sent to an office to fill out forms and was offered the job, at the minimum hourly wage, of keeping the food supply up at the long counter. I had to keep bringing in containers of milk, saucers of cake and fruit, boxes of dry cereal, pots of hot food, and so on and so on from the kitchen. Since it didn't seem too complicated and I was offered a free meal every day I took the job. The manager, a fat, sad-eyed man with a wheeze told me to come back the next day. I left the restaurant in a foolishly happy daze thinking that a brave new world was beginning to open up for me.

I celebrated by going to a movie. I soon found out that young, pretty girls simply didn't go to the movies alone in Kansas City, Missouri or any other big town. As soon as I sat down some man took the seat next to me even though there were rows and rows of empty seats all around me. I stared at the screen for a few minutes until I felt a pressure on my leg. The man next to me was staring at the screen but his hand was on my leg like a pale spider. I got up and changed my seat. The man moved five seconds later, obviously trying his luck on some other leg.

The movie went on for another five minutes before another man sat next to me. This one waited for about thirty seconds before he started rubbing his knee up against mine. I let out a sigh and changed my seat again.

By this time I couldn't concentrate on the movie because I was aware of all the single men who kept bouncing from seat to seat. When the third one sat next to me I walked out of the theatre. My education into the ways of the big city had begun.

I went to work bright and early the next morning. I was the youngest female employee and by far the most attractive. When I looked at the tired bags in their thirties, forties, and fifties I made up my mind I would quit the job once I built up some kind of bank balance.

The male employees weren't anything to look at, either. Most of them were over thirty although there were two exceptions. Bill was a fellow in his early twenties and Norman was eighteen. I could see right away that the two young fellows were drifters who went from job to job just like some farm hands I'd met. The menial job of the restaurant wasn't something anyone with sense stayed in all their lives.

The work wasn't hard but it was awfully monotonous. I kept going from the kitchen to the food counter with trays of supplies as the customers kept pouring in at all hours. The rush hours, of course, were breakfast, lunch and dinner. But these three rushes came so close together that slow times were rare. I had my first full meal since leaving home right after the lunch hour rush. There was a special section in the rear next to the toilets where the employees ate and that's where one enjoyed what social life the huge cafeteria had to offer.

Bill, the fellow in his twenties, introduced himself which was rare because no one seemed to be much for conversation in the place. He had a mass of shiny black hair and warm brown eyes. "Where you from?" he asked.

"I'm from a place you've never heard of," I told him. "I'm right off the farm."

I made up my mind from the beginning not to hide my rustic background as so many girls and boys off the farm did. I didn't want to pretend I was something I wasn't. Besides, to be a good liar you had to be a good actor and I wasn't cut out for show business.

Bill flashed me a hundred dollar smile and I felt one of his knees pump between my knees under the table. I shifted in my seat believing it to be an accidental touching but, as he talked, that knee of his became more insistent. It was the movie house all over again. I expected good looking young men to be interested in me but I didn't like it when they came on strong and sneaky a minute after I met them. For a seventeen year old girl with a wealth of sexual experience behind her I was basically shy and puritanical. I moved in my seat in such a way that my knees were pressed against the wall of the toilets. This was hint enough for Bill and he gave up pressuring me. . .for that day.

After work I walked home and fell into my bed like a ton of oats. The bed never seemed softer. I hated my job and I hated the hotel but I knew I had to hang on. The thing I hated most about the hotel was that I didn't have a private bath. I had to go down to the end of the hall and use the John. I had one advantage in the fact that I was one of the few females on my floor so that the ladies' room was usually empty. Still, I hated to have to walk down that ratty hall with my face unwashed and my hair a mess. I used to think my farmhouse was poor but, compared to the hotel, it was a palace.

My week at the hotel was up before I got my first salary. Since I had already spent half of my eighteen dollars I didn't have enough to pay the bill but I was sure that the manager would let it ride knowing I had a steady job five blocks away. When I told the desk clerk that I would pay him in a couple of days he sent me to see the manager, Mr. Clark Benson.

Benson was a short, squat nervous man with tiny dark eyes that shifted constantly. He was about forty and I took an instant dislike to him. Again I explained about the bill and my job. He shifted those tiny eyes of his. "How much can you afford to give right now?" he wanted to know.

I told him that I had nine bucks between me and hunger. The bastard generously allowed me to keep seven until I got paid two days later. A dollar a day to live on in a big city. I hadn't hit bottom but I was close to it. Anyhow, when I got my first paycheck I settled the bill which seemed to make the desk clerk and Clark Benson very happy. I wanted to leave the hotel in revenge but it was so close to work that I didn't want to bother. The manager, however, did offer me a better room now that it looked like I was going to be a permanent guest and not just another transient. I made sure that the price was the same before I took him up on his offer.

My new room was on a higher floor and was just as small as the one I had left. The only real difference was that it had a better view. This one overlooked the rear of another hotel. Well, at least I got some light and air which was something I hadn't gotten from my first room.

I didn't know exactly what my room had to offer until that night. I was looking out of the window casually just before I went to bed. Something struck my eye. I looked again and focused on a window of the other hotel that was three stories below my floor. A fully clothed man and women had just turned on the light and were paying no attention at all to the fact that their shade was all the way up. They both sat on the bed and passed a bottle of liquor back and forth. My own room was dark so I knew that they couldn't see me. I looked quickly at the other windows. The ones with the shades up had nothing to hide since they revealed either empty rooms or fully clothed people. The couple in the room that interested me were fully clothed but I suspected that they were about to do something that would require them to pull the shade down.

The woman in the room stood up and staggered a little. She was drunk. This explained why neither one of them thought about the shade. She stepped out of her shoes and had the man pull down the zipper of her dress. I felt my blood pressure rise. When I left the farm I didn't leave my voyeurism behind. It had followed me to the big city.

It was hard to tell the age of the couple but they were not kids. I would say they were in then-thirties. From the casual way they treated one another I was sure that they were either married or were used to living with one another.

The woman took her dress off and stood up. She placed one of her feet against the edge of the bed and the man pushed her slip all the way up. He undid the top of her stocking and then rolled it down her leg. He took off her other stocking in the same way. When she removed her slip all that stood between her and nudity were her bra and panties. She picked up the liquor bottle and drank from it as the man began to undress.

It occurred to me that I had never peeped at a member of my own sex although I had seen nude girls before in the school's shower and locker rooms. Although I wasn't aware of any homosexual inclinations on my part the idea that I was going to see a nude female excited me. I was so hung-up on voyeurism that it didn't matter much to me whether the ones I looked at were male or female. But, in this case, I had both...a man and a woman together.

The man pulled off his clothes awkwardly and he seemed drunker than his female companion. When he stripped down to nothing more than a pair of jockey shorts he stopped and drank from the bottle. My face burned. Would they go all the way?

I was afraid that one of them might finally see that the shade was up and pull it down or else they might turn off the light. How many couples screwed with the light on? The man and woman got playful and wrestled one another on the bed. When she was on top of him the man pulled her panties down and exposed her large ass. I heard her giggle and he massaged her rump with his hairy hands.

This bit of playfulness seemed to be a cue for them to get down to business. She removed her panties completely as the man took off his jockey shorts. He had a hard-on. The woman then took off her bra and her breasts spilled out nakedly. She had very big nipples that looked like a pair of red apples from where I stood and stared.

I swallowed with difficulty as I watched. I was sure that now they would turn off the light or pull down the shade but they didn't. They were actually going to fuck in front of my eyes!

The naked couple rolled around on the bed biting one another. Suddenly the man got on top of her and she spread her legs wide. The only movement now was his roving rump that went up and down. I couldn't see the actual coupling but I knew that they were enjoying intercourse.

The man seemed to be taking a very long time and I watched his can rise and fall over and over again. Then he stopped. The woman dug her fingers into his back wildly as she, too, reached the peak of her desires. It was at that moment I slipped one of my fingers into my cunt. I kept fooling around with my clitoris and imagined myself under that bulky man. It was so real that my passions peaked out and I moaned with sheer ecstasy.

My whole body tingled as waves of sexual excitement passed over me. I found this a more joyful experience than that time when eight boys banged me near the pond. All that love-feast was to me was mass humiliation with no eroticism to temper the pain. Here, watching a pair of strangers screw from afar was true happiness.

The couple kissed one another with open mouths. They rolled over again so that her ass was exposed instead of his. She rubbed against his body as if trying to excite him to further passions. He grabbed her butts and spread them wide. It was only then did he realize that the shade was up. His dull eyes seemed to be staring right at me and I stepped away from my window. I stood in the center of my small room and kept watching sure that he couldn't see me. He said something to the naked woman on top of him and she looked over her shoulder. They parted and he got out of bed in a hurry. He switched off the light and the room was plunged into darkness. The man came over to the window and, for a fleeting moment, his body was exposed to me with him limp penis and balls hanging. He pulled the shade down. My free show was over.

Once more I studied the many windows facing me. I was so aroused now that I just had to see something. . .a nude man, a nude woman, a couple, a child. In one room I saw a pair of female legs crossed through a narrow opening in a shade. She was taking off her stockings getting ready for bed. Then the light went off and I saw nothing. As a matter of fact lights were being turned off all over the face of the hotel as people went to sleep. How I envied the couples. How I wanted to have someone of my own to look at.

I went to my own bed and stripped off my pajamas. I spread my legs and stared up at the dark ceiling as I masturbated again. My thoughts went back to Leon. So far he was the only one in my short life I could call lover. Our sex scene had been messy and fearful but it is still the best I've ever had. Leon, I wondered if I would find him again. I wondered if he would appear in one of those windows outside just as he had appeared in that shower stall. Slowly I drifted off to sleep as passions left my body.

I knew that I could have a man of my own by simply giving into Bill's demands. He was after my flesh in a big way. Like m e he lived alone in a hotel and he wanted company as much as I did. Norman, the eighteen year old, drifted away as drifters do and simply never showed up one morning for work. I knew that Bill would go his way in time. So far he was the only half-way decent looking man I came into contact with and I didn't want to spend my nights looking out of the window at the loves of others. When Bill asked me out after work one evening I accepted.

We went to a nearby cocktail lounge. Although I was a year below the legal drinking age I easily passed for eighteen and the waiter said nothing when he brought us a couple of beer. On Bill's salary I knew that he couldn't afford a high old time so I was satisfied with what I got. He seemed grateful to me that I wasn't going to be pushy about going to a better joint.

After a few beers I was drunk for the first time in my life. Bill, on the other hand, seemed to be as sober as ever. He was used to drinking so a few beers meant nothing to him. When I told him that I couldn't take anymore he took my arm. "Let's get some air," he offered.

When we left the bar I staggered a little and I thought of that woman in the hotel room. Did alcohol enhance sex or depress it?

I allowed myself to be led along the street by Bill. I didn't ask him where he was going but I didn't care. For the first time since leaving home a man was showing interest in me. Maybe I might even marry him someday. A husband. That should cure me.

Bill led me into a hotel lobby. At first I thought he had taken me to my own place since the lobby looked much like mine. But cheap hotels looked the same everywhere. He led me into an elevator and swapped dirty jokes with the operator. I got the impression that the hotel didn't frown on female guests being taken to gentlemen's rooms.

When Bill half-carried me down the long, narrow hallway to his room he felt my body intimately. He wanted sex. Fear began to grip me. "Maybe I should go home," I mumbled.

"Home? You mean the farm?"

"No, my hotel."

"You're in a hotel," he said and we entered his room.

He opened a drawer and took out a half empty pint bottle of liquor. "Have a snort?" he offered.

Once again I thought of that couple who had passed the bottle back and forth. Was it possible I could enjoy sex close up as they had? I took the bottle out of his hand and drank from it as I had seen that woman do, I gagged on the burning fluid. It was little wonder to me that the Indians called the stuff "firewater."

Bill laughed, "I can see you're no drinker, Lorna," he said.

The young man took a deep drink himself as if trying to reach my stage of drunkenness quickly. He put the bottle away and mumbled something about getting "more comfortable." Bill took off his jacket and pulled off his shoes. I trembled. I had wanted to have a man of my own in a room and now that I had I was nervous. What the hell was it that stiffened me up anytime a man became intimate?

There were no chairs in the room so the only place we could sit on was the narrow bed. Bill put his arm around me and pressed his lips against mine without a word. I didn't react one way or the other and let him paw my body. He pressed my back against the bed and I felt his hand slip over my bra. Deftly he unhooked it and it came free. When my breasts were bared he looked down at them with a smile. "I've always been a tit-man," he informed me.

Everyone had their own, special sexual excitement and Bill went for boobs. He cupped my firm cones of flesh with his hands and massaged them. Gradually my nipples came to points. Bill lowered his open mouth on one of them and started to suck.

I ran my fingers through his thick, black hair hoping that this would be the start of something romantic. Bill sucked my other nipple and then licked both my breasts. He looked up. "Man, I have such a hard-on!" he exclaimed.

He got up and hurried out of his clothes. I watched in a dazed way. He was fully erected and had a nice, muscular body. He was a lot better looking than that man I had had such erotic thoughts about in that hotel room.

"Come on, honey," he urged. "Let's get with it."

My hands shook as I took off the rest of my clothes. I couldn't see what I was so nervous about since I've already fucked and sucked nine different males. When I was naked Bill pressed his lean body against mine. His dick slipped into my cleft and he banged away. I let my hands roam his back and I clutched at it with mounting passion. There was no reason in the world I shouldn't have him. It was sick to jerk-off while watching others have all the fun.

Bill was an expert lover. He held back his orgasm for as long as possible as he rammed into me again and again. I brought my knees up and caught his moving hips between my inner thighs. My first act of sex had been clumsy, that day at the pond had been awful, but this session with Bill was exciting. I was certain that my Peeping-Tom nights were over.

He thrust into my slit with increased speed. I wrapped my legs around his and arched m y lower torso up against his as my passions came to a boil. Bill shot his load. His come leapt into my body and we both sighed with relief. I held him tight as he poured out his virile fluid. When his last drop slid into my flesh he sucked my nipples again. At the same time he pumped a couple of fingers into my vagina. I stroked his thick hair and forgot about the dismal room and how lonely I had been.

I now had a lover. We shared a larger room at Bill's hotel and this saved both of us some money since we split the rent fifty-fifty. Bill was just too poor to support a mistress just as I was too poor to support a gigolo so we went Dutch. Everyone at work knew that we were sleeping together and the only one who seemed to object was a sour-faced old maid who hated sex in any form.

Bill told me that he wanted to save up enough of a pile to buy a second-hand car. Once he got that he wanted to drift in some kind of style and comfort. I thought that this was a good idea and offered to add my tiny savings to his. He told me that he didn't want it at first but he gave in. Now I had something to live for. This made the awful work at the cafeteria worthwhile.

Bill was full of plans. He was so wonderfully alive that I couldn't help loving him. Although he never said so in so many words I was sure that he felt the same about me. I kept handing over as much as my salary as I dared to Bill and wondered just how fancy the car had to be. A good second-hand auto could be had for about eight hundred and I was sure that Bill had that amount. Our plan was to leave the job after we got paid and travel to either the east or west coast. Since we were in the middle of the country the trip would be just as long either way.

Weeks went by and I became eighteen. For a birthday present Bill showed me a car he claimed he had just bought. It was only three years old and I was surprised that he got it for such a reasonable price. "Pack your bag, honey," Bill told me. "We're off to the coast!"

"Which coast?" I wanted to know.

"Who cares?" he grinned. "Now let me have your pay envelope. I have to take care of the hotel bill and also fuel up the car. I gave him every cent I had and went to our room.

The first thing that made me suspicious was the fact Bill had already taken all his clothes out. I thought that he only wanted to get a head start on our new adventure so I didn't pay much attention to it. I went down to the lobby and waved at the desk clerk. When he saw me with the bag he asked, "Checking out?"

"Yes," I beamed.

He gave me an icy smile. "Then will you pay your rent?"

Bill hadn't paid as I had thought. I told the man that he would be back in a few minutes and take care of everything. As I sat in the seedy lobby the employees of the hotel kept throwing mean glances at me. A half hour went by and the horror that I had been taken began to gnaw at me. No, not Bill! He loved me!

An hour went by and then another. Since I didn't have a cent I couldn't pay any bill so I went back to the room and waited. Maybe he had gotten into some kind of accident, I told myself. There was a knock at the door. When I opened it I saw two policemen standing there and I let out a little cry. "It's Bill!" I cried. "What happened to him?"

The policemen sounded very rough and ordered me to accompany them to the stationhouse. Parked outside the place was "our" car. It looked undamaged and I wondered just what kind of accident Bill had gotten involved in. I was afraid to ask the stern police anything and walked into the stationhouse with them. I was led into a bare room. Bill was sitting on a hard-backed chair looking very depressed. I threw myself into his arms. "Bill! What happened?" I cried.

"Your boyfriend got caught, that's what happened a detective informed me.

I looked at him blankly.

"Now don't give me that innocent look," he said. "You know that he stole that car parked out in front."

This time I looked at Bill. "Stole?" I repeated.

"Look, I said that she had nothing to do with it," Bill said to the detective. "She thought I bought the car with money we've saved up."

The detective slapped Bill's wallet on a table. "That means you've stolen money from your girlfriend, too," he said.

Bill nodded glumly without looking at me. It all fell into place now. He had only led me on to milk me for cash down to my last paycheck. Bill had no intention of taking me with him anywhere. All he was interested in was the money I gave him each week. He didn't even have to spend that. . .he stole what we had been "saving" up for.

Eventually I was cleared but not after some bad newspaper publicity. I had to go through some red tape to get what money Bill had conned me out of but, once I got it, I quit my job and checked out of the hotel. I walked to the center of the city and wondered where I should go and what was to happen to me.