Chapter 6
I threw away my vibrator. I drove out to a lonely spot on Malibu and flung the fucking thing into the Pacific Ocean were it might be of some use to a hard-up mermaid. I told myself that masturbation and voyeurism were behind me. Once I let go of the vibrator I felt better because I was sure than I could cure myself of my weird ways.
My plan was beautifully simple... .I was going to force myself into all kinds of sexual affairs and thereby burn out that sick drive that forced me to prowl around at night looking into windows. The cure hunger was food; the cure for sexual repression was sexual expression. I was determined to get as close to males as was possible and stay close until I was weird no more.
I didn't throw away my binoculars because I told myself that I could use them for "normal" viewings. Besides, the thing represented three days work while the vibrator only cost me a few bucks. I didn't mind dramatic gestures. . .as long as I could afford them.
When I drove back to Venice I was determined to accept the offer of friendship from the Ohio hippies. As I passed their rooming house I saw them putting bags into their old car. I stopped a block away and watched them through my rear-view mirror. The girls weren't with them as it looked like they were pulling up stakes and heading for greener pastures. As they drove off I felt my heart sink. Once again my timing wrong. I had decided to cooperate with love too late.
Still, as an attractive teenage girl I didn't have to worry about being lonely...not if I really wanted affection. The hippies in the area hung out in certain spots and all I had to do was hang around with them. I picked a sunny day and walked over to a section of the beach that was always filled with boys my age and older. I placed my blanket nearby and stripped down to my bathing suit. I could feel the boys looking at me and I was sure that they were getting ideas.
"Would you like a beer?" I heard someone ask a minute later.
When I introduced myself he offered to carry my blanket over to his crowd of young people. I accepted. It was all that simple. I was sure that my fears about getting involved with people were unfounded. Jerry shared an apartment with three of the boys and one of the girls. I didn't ask who the girl belonged to because such personal questions were frowned upon among hippies. All one had to do was keep his eyes and ears open and knowledge would come.
I accepted Jerry's offer to join him and his roommates at their communal apartment. It was a pretty messy place and I scolded him for not keeping it clean. "You should see my room," I told him.
He patted my butts. "Anytime," he said.
He was beginning his move, I thought. All I had to do was be passive and accept his overtures. Love, like knowledge, would come to those who waited.
Nick, a short, wiry guy with curly black hair said, "Tea time." He opened up a can and poured what looked like tobacco into a saucer. When the others took pinches of it and shook it into strips of paper I realized that the "tea" he talked about was marijuana.
I knew that I didn't dare refuse the offer of my first marijuana cigarette and pretended that I was used to pot parties. Jerry rolled me a "roach" and handed it over. He struck a match, touched it to the end of the hand-made cigarette, and I inhaled.
At first I felt nothing and thought that maybe I was smoking real tobacco. Then I began to get light-headed. It was as if I had taken a quick shot of whiskey.
Blue smoke filled the apartment and my whole body began to feel delightfully numb. I leaned against Jerry's sturdy frame and he put his arms around me. "I've seen you around but I always figured you were stuck-up or married or something," he said.
"I'm a working girl," I told him.
Jerry stroked my hair. "Why do you work?" he asked.
'To live. To eat. To pay rent," I informed him lazily.
He crushed me to him. "You can live and eat here," he offered. "You don't even have to pay rent."
The boy was propositioning me already. He was a fast, smooth worker. I had looked for a new lover and now I had found one. Jerry told me that he was a postgraduate student at U.C.L.A. and was only going to school because it kept him from being drafted. His parents sent him money each month and he didn't have to do an honest hour's work. His life consisted of going to a few classes and then loafing, loving and smoking pot. He was now offering me the same life.
As high as I was on beer and pot I knew that I had reached another one of those crossroads in my life. I could play it safe and turn him down or I could risk my emotions again and accept him. I had lost that handsome blond boy because I had played it safe and now I didn't want to lose Jerry the same way. When I told him that I would move in he kissed me tenderly on the lips "It'll be fun, you'll see," he assured me.
The other didn't seem surprised when Jerry told them that I was going to be the new roommate and I got the impression they were used to people drifting in and out of the place. Now that I was "one of the family" Paul and Helen dared display their mutual affection. The boy took off her sweater and the top part of her bathing suit. He licked her breasts which were firm and shapely with pink nippies. Helen was about my age and she had a nice face and figure. I was glad that she was in the apartment for I feared another gang-bang.
Paul sucked her nipples and she groped at his fly. I had watched such sex scenes secretly but now I could watch without fear of being caught. I didn't mind indulging my voyeuristic leanings now since it didn't make any sense to cover my eyes.
Ronald and Nick, the other two boys who shared the apartment, smoked pot casually and they didn't seem all that interested in the lovers. I was sure that they, like the rest, were used to seeing love in bloom. That's the attitude I wanted. I wanted to be casual about sex so that I didn't have to go around pressing my ears against the walls of cheap rooming houses and sneaking looks through my binoculars. I wanted to flood my sense with so much sex that my needs to masturbate and stare were drowned.
Paul mounted Helen. Their feet were pointed at me so I could see up their legs at the actual coupling of genitals. That big red prick sank into the girl's hairy slit and vanished. His nuts shook as he rose and fell into her again and again. As he was fucking her Jerry slipped one of his hands under my blouse and tugged at the bra part of my swim suit. As always I was passive. I let him remove my blouse and bra. When my tits were exposed Nick and Ronald shifted their eyes from the lovers over to me. I wondered, or was I to be Jerry's chick exclusively? At the moment I didn't care. For a girl who had satisfied eight boys at one time the idea of group sex didn't shock me.
"Dig! Dig! Dig!" Helen gasped in passion as her lover rammed into her body.
Nick and Ronald, like two guys at a tennis match, switched their eyes back to the other players. The couple on the bed were close to their climax. Jerry placed his hands over my tits and squeezed them. "You're nice and firm," he whispered. "I hate sloppy boobs."
I decided that I shouldn't be passive all the time so I grabbed his crotch. "I like my men to be nice and firm here, too," I told him.
"Nick!" Helen cried out as he pressed against her and had an orgasm.
For a moment the apartment was silent as we all watched this peak of passion. The couple breathed hard and embraced one another. Their mouths opened and they licked each other's tongue.
The two doe-less stags sitting on the floor puffing away on pot switched their attention to me again. In a very real way they were voyeurs but I doubted that they went around looking into windows as I had. For years I had been doing the looking and now I was going to be the object of lookers. I suppose I was as much of an exhibitionist as I was a voyeur because the fact that I was going to be stared at thrilled me.
I stood up to give everyone a good look. Even Helen who was on the bed with a naked boy on top of her watched. I took off my slacks and then the lower half of my swim suit. My cunt tingled with expectation. I could all but feel the weight of the eyes that were on that spot.
"You got a winner this time, Jerry," Helen told him.
Jerry pressed me gently against the floor. He was going to screw me right then and there in front of everyone. He placed his body against mine and I felt the knobby head of his dick penetrate my sex-hole. It wasn't as big or as hard as the head of that vibrator but it was warm, alive and human.
He pushed the entire length of his tool all the way into my body and started rutting away. I grabbed his pumping ass and pushed up against him. I wanted to prove that I was an active lover and not just a piece of meat you threw your cock into.
Nick and Ronald started to take off their clothes as Jerry banged me. Both were sexually aroused. Nick went over to Helen and she took him into her arms without question as Paul sat up on the bed and lit another roach. So that was the way things were; swapping was the order of the day at the apartment. It was no wonder the boys needed another girl. I was sure that Helen was the one who was most glad to see me since she had the only pussy in the joint. Well, I had wanted to flood my senses with sex and that's exactly what I was getting.
"Lorna. . .Lorna," Jerry sighed as he shot his load of come.
I heard Helen issue small cries of sexual delight as the small, dark boy screwed her. The she let loose a long moan and Nick stopped pumping.
Ronald thrust into me a few more times and then stopped. His come poured out of his body and I moaned to let everyone know that the mission was completed. All the boys had had their piece of tail.
The six of us lit fresh sticks of pot and sat around naked looking at one another.
I placed my head into Jerry's lap and felt his limp dick under me. Ronald, the cute kid with the curls, placed my legs over his lap as he sat against the wall. Helen was sitting up in bed with her legs spread very wide so that I could actually see her rose-red clitoris. Nick and Paul were resting their heads on her legs. Paul kept fingering one of her nipples as he puffed away at his stick of marijuana.
"You're one of us now, honey." Helen told me. "Welcome to the family."
I actually felt tears welling in my eyes. After so many months of loneliness I was a part of something again. I had friends. I had lovers. I didn't have to go prowling around at night staring into the lives and beds of others anymore. I had tried to make myself believe that it was best not to get involved intimately with people but now I realized that I had only been deluding myself. Sex in the hand was better than sex beyond a window. Out of sheer gratitude for these people who welcomed me to their midst I rolled over so that my mouth was against Jerry's penis. I took his sex orally and sucked. Ronald kissed my ass at the time and I gloried in the warmth of these two naked boys. "I told you she was a winner, Jerry," Helen said again as I blew him.
Marijuana smoke drifted past my nostrils and I inhaled it as I drank in the juice that came leaping out of Jerry's erected dick. His semen flooded my whole being as I had wanted to be flooded. Drown, voyeur, drown! Die strange desire and let a new woman rise on your grave!