Chapter 5

"I'll leave this place for you," Laura said after Earl had left but not before he had called her out front and said something to her.

"No, not at all," May replied. "I'll take this room and you can use the other one."

"That's very nice of you."

"Well, why not. You don't have to leave?"

"Because of having lived with your father."

"That isn't any reason. It was his fault as much as yours, maybe more. If he hadn't wanted you here you wouldn't have been here," May unzippered her dress and began to pull it over her head. "But I do think that both of you were very foolish. It's one thing to live with a man but it's something else to keep right on having kids by him. A girl your age ought to know better."

May placed the dress on top of the bed and stood there in her bra, panties, garter belt and stockings. Laura had been wearing a robe but now she took it off, revealing her naked body underneath. May regarded the other girl with interest. Her father had said that Laura might be pregnant again but if she was she wasn't along far enough to show. Laura's stomach was almost flat, only a little bulge below it, but she could see the stretch marks. Up above Laura had good breasts, and she had a pretty face. She didn't blame her father for having gone to bed with Laura, any more than she blamed herself for having gone to bed with Bill.

"You've got one hell of a shape," Laura said. "If I had somebody in The Big revue with a shape like that we'd really drag the men in. Valerie has a nice pair but I'm not so hot in that department."

"It's a strip show tonight, isn't it?"

"Yeah, that's what Earl told me out there in front. He says to take it off and throw the body around." Laura shrugged. "Well, it had to come. A man sneaks away from his wife and he comes here for one thing. If you aren't woman enough to show him he goes away sore." She shrugged again. "It's funny but they like them with big busters. I don't get that but I guess that's because I'm not a man and I can't think like one. I've seen girls who had breasts bigger than yours even but after they got in bed with a guy they didn't hardly know what to do."

"Any girl knows what to do. It just takes the right man."

"Well, perhaps. I don't know. I'm twenty-seven and still can't figure men out. All they want to do is have you run."

All of a sudden she started to cry. "Now he's sick and what am I going to do? ,Three kids and maybe a fourth one inside of me and what am I going to do?"

"We talked about that," May said, unhooking her bra. "He said he had a confession to make and then he told me everything. As long as the show rolls and the money keeps coming-which it hasn't lately-you and the kids will be taken care of. If-well, if anything should happen to him-the worst that could happen there's some insurance and I'll help you out."

"That's sweet of you. Most daughters would hate me."

May's breasts were free and proud as she bent to unhook her stockings.

"No, I don't hate you. I feel sorry for you and sorry for the kids. Anyways you look at it it's a mess but that doesn't lessen his obligation-or mine."

"Thanks, May."

She sat upon the bed and peeled the stockings down over her legs.

"Just think that he's going to get better," she said. "Just believe that he will."

"I'm trying to think and believe those things but I know that I'm going to miss him so. Nights when I finished with work he was always waiting for me and it was wonderful with him. He wasn't old, not in that way. Some nights he would wake me up two or three times and then it was better than ever."

"You'll have to forget that part of it." Laura lingered in the doorway. "How can I forget it?" she wanted to know. "You don't sleep with a man going on four years and then forget it in a couple of minutes."

"Perhaps not but you can try." Laura continued to linger. "You'd better watch that Earl," she said. "Watch, why?"

"Because I saw how he was looking at you, like he wanted me out of the trailer and he wanted you in bed."

"I thought he had his own girl?"

"Valerie? Maybe she is his girl but that doesn't mean that he can't have ideas and with the body you've got any man would get ideas."

Laura went on out and May began to unpack. Bill had helped her pack up in her bedroom but the packing had been delayed when he had shoved her down on the bed.

"Just once," he had begged.

"Bill, I'm in a hurry."

"Maybe you don't think I'm in a hurry. You leave me like this and I'll chase the first woman I meet. That's not good, is it? Me, a guy who's known so many girls. But I'm human, I'm male."

"Bill, I told you I was in a hurry. I want to pack, if you'll just-"

"Please!"

"Don't be an animal in a barnyard!"

"We aren't animals at all."

"I don't know. Sometimes I don't really know."

He had kissed her hard then.

"Look, honey, animals don't love. It's instinct with them. They don't marry. I've asked you to marry me. I meant it. I didn't go with you for just this one thing."

"Bill, you're-"

"Look. What can you do when you get there?"

That had been a big question and he'd helped her with the lock on one of her bags. Some of her stuff from college had still been inside of it. She'd thrown the whole mess on the floor. Winter things, spring things. She hadn't needed them at that time of the year. Some of them had been tight anyhow. Maybe she'd never have any use for them again.

"Bill, I can't tell you about that," she had replied. "I don't know what I can do. All I know is that he's sick. Do you understand that?" She'd cried a little. "Gee, it's awful."

"Don't worry about things, not until you have a reason."

"Sure. That's easy to say."

She'd dashed around the bedroom, grabbing what she had to have sometimes folding the garments and then rushing some more.

"Please," Bill had said again.

She hadn't been able to stop him and in her misery she hadn't actually wanted to refuse. She'd felt his mouth over her lips, his hands roaming the curves of her body, drawing her clothes open. Then she had stumbled to the bed, taking him with her, needing his love more than ever, needing somebody who cared. He had undressed her, taking off ever stitch. He had talked of love, of missing her. She'd begged him not to take a chance with her but she hadn't really cared about that. Her fingers had been in his hair, pulling his face closer to her breasts, her mouth open for him to know. Although he had been impatient at first he had been kind to her, exciting her, turning the day and the moment into a raging inferno of desire. Then he had her, not just as before. Later, she had clung to him, sobbing out her heart, knowing that they had been foolish and still not caring.

"Please, Bill." She had been the one begging that time. "Oh, please, make this last forever."

After this she had been a bundle of fury in his arms, knowing what she had said, knowing how she had begged, but knowing too, that it had been like that with some of the others.

"Help me pack," she had said after they had moved off the bed. She had kissed him hotly. "And, Bill, I'm sorry-I-"

"Its all right."

"No, it isn't all right. Nothing is. Not what we just did or any of it. Or what I am. I wish I wasn't but I am. I'm me and I can't change what's me. There's never enough. There always has to be another time and another place."

"Stop crying, won't do your father any good."

She had paused and looked at him for a long time.

"Bill, maybe I'm crying for myself."

But during the drive to the hospital-oh, those miserable, winding roads-she had cried not only for herself but for almost everybody else.

Now as she put her things away in the several drawers, hanging her dresses in the narrow closet, she thought of the financial situation as her father had outlined it to her. Ben hadn't held back on the truth. She knew it now.

"Something has to be done," her father had said. "I've tried all that I could."

She felt weak and helpless. There was only one thing that they could do, have the girls go naked and hope that the girlie show would pull them along the road. The girls were there in her mind, a question between right and wrong. The question was simply one of being able to survive.

She gave little thought to the girls in the show. As workers they were hardened to a thing like that. For that matter it was quite possible she could do the same as they did if she was forced into it You simply took the risk and grabbed the money. What else was there to do?

"Work with Earl," her father had said. "He's a good man and he knows the business but no man can stand alone. We need the business and don't ever forget it I'm too old to go into something else and it's all that I know. If the show dies I've had my finish. And do anything that Earl tells you. With some decent weather he'll pull us out of it but the load is going to be heavy. I'm here and you'll have to pull it with him. I just can't do a thing. Also, about Laura, be good to her. Try to understand."

"Yea, father, I'll try," she had said.

"Thanks, but work with Earl. It means your summer and I hate to ask you only I can't do anything else. Until I'm out of here it's your show, yours and his."

She looked down at herself, at the swollen curves of her breasts, the flatness of her stomach. She felt the surge of passion reach into her, going deep, deeper than it had gone except that second time with Dave Moore. She closed her eyes and shook her head. Her father had been a fool and now she was tearing herself apart over a man she hardly knew. It was weird but she could feel his arms around her, the crush of his body against hers, the haunting fury of his mouth as she lifted her lips to him. She felt the embrace going beyond the point of no return. Her hands traveled over her body, lifting against her breasts, her whole being wanting them to be his hands. Again she shook her head, both in despair and fright, and she opened her eyes. She thought of racing away from temptation, but she couldn't run. Her father lay there and her obligation was to him. She had to fight what she felt but as she decided to fight she was almost certain that she couldn't do it.

"I'm no good," she murmured to herself.

"You're sure a wild number," Dave Moore had said that second time, lying beside her, breathing heavily, her own breath burning as it shot down into her lungs.

"You made me that way."

"Nobody can make a girl that way."

"Well, suit yourself."

"And you were scared before."

"Terribly."

"But not now?"

"I don't know." She had twisted toward him. "Shut up and live for what we've got now."

"This is living," he had admitted. "Oh, shut up."

He'd shut up all right, bringing her pleasure, what they had been to each other both brutal and lovely, her body his in a frenzy of desire and passionate thrusts.

"Goodbye," she had said afterward.

"All I get is a goodbye?"

"Naturally. What else do you want?"

"I'll see you again, I hope."

"Of course."

She wished now that Dave Moore was no longer with the show. They hadn't seen each other in four years but she was more than certain that he'd want to pick up their relationship where they had broken it off. She was also pretty certain that she didn't want it to be that way. She had been too young to know. No longer was she too young and she knew. Maybe she knew more than he did. She found a pair of shorts and put them on. Her father wouldn't have approved of them but since her father was sick she didn't have to worry. Besides it was hot outside and she wanted to be comfortable today.

The halter was small or her and she knew it, her breasts threatening to spill outside if she took a deep breath. Aunt Denton had yelled about that halter a lot but Bill had liked it and she had worn it several times. Once she had started to go on a picnic with Bill but the halter had become untied in the car and with most of her out in the open. Bill hadn't been able to stand it. As soon as he had found a place to park he had pulled off the road, daylight or not, and then he had made violent love to her.

"Somebody might see us," she had protested mildly.

"So what?" he had said as he stripped her bare.

Now she put on a pair of sneaks and walked through the trailer. Laura was on her bed, stretched out naked and flat, and she was crying. May walked past. What could she say to a girl like that?

Outside she felt the heat of the sun against her skin and she walked toward the tent where some of the workers ate.

She sat down on a vacant stool and ordered a hot dog.

"Heard you were coming," somebody said behind her.

She-didn't look up or around. She knew who it was, Dave Moore.

"My luck isn't so good today," she said as he sat down beside her.

She looked at him then and she saw that he hadn't changed much. He was still handsome and powerful.

"It could be worse," he said.

"I don't know how that's possible."

"How's Ben?" he said.

"They aren't just sure yet but I guess his traveling days are over with."

"Tough. But maybe that's true of a lot of us for this season."

She put the food aside.

"I don't follow you," she said.

"More than half of the trip we've had rain and most of the equipment is falling apart. My truck has a knock in the motor but Ben didn't have the money to have anything done with it. If I make it to the fair I'll be surprised." He gave her a long look. "You've filled out," he said. "You were plenty big before but you're bigger now, wow what a figure."

"Don't get smart with me."

"Somebody must have been having some real fun with you."

"Shut up."

He laughed aloud.

"If you remember right I was there first. I got there first."

"It was rape," she said without conviction. "And the times-"

"Drop dead," she said. He ordered a coffee.

"What happens now?" he wanted to know.

"Earl and I are going to do what we can but nobody can work the impossible."

He put one of his hands down on the inside of her leg, almost at the point where the shorts ended.

"I know what I could work, May." She pushed his hand away as she said, "Times change."

"For the worse it seems." He threw some money down for the coffee. "I've got a room in town and we could blastoff. I'd give six months of my life to find out if you're as good as you used to be, baby. I've been with a lot of them but you were the most."

"You had your fun and you probably had it since then."

"Yeah, I don't deny that. I'm a guy who has to have a woman."

"So why bother me?"

"I take the best."

"Take second best and leave me be."

"You're impossible, kid."

Her eyes burned with an inner anger.

"You think a lot of yourself, don't you?" she demanded. "A girl is away from you for four years and you think she should come rushing back into your arms? All I've got to say is you can think again."

"I don't give up easily."

"And don't fight too hard for what doesn't belong to you."

He got out a cigarette.

"You staying in Ben's trailer?" he asked.

"Where else would I stay?"

"And with that witch?"

"Laura? She's a little mixed up but she's all right."

"She's taken you for plenty through your dad."

"Well, why not?"

"Your old man and anybody else."

"I don't know about those affairs."

"I do. All he f had to do was to drive into town and she hit the sack with somebody."

"You wouldn't be one of them?"

"No, you can't blame any of that on me. I may be the bull that they say I am but I've still got some sense."

She got away from Dave after a while and she walked around the place. Nothing was moving as yet but in a couple of hours-and with luck-the grounds would be alive with people.

When she returned to the trailer she saw that Laura had gone out and she lay down on her bed to rest. It had been a trying day, one of love and fear, and still she didn't seem to be too tired. The car had rode well on the road and she had been able to make good time. She wondered, vaguely, what they would do about her father's car and she guessed that Laura could drive it. Probably she had done some driving anyway and she was used to hauling a house trailer.

It was dark when she came out of her sleep and she could hear the music outside, the jumbled voices of what promised to be a good crowd. For a second she lay there and then she yawned.

She yawned again and got up. What was the difference? People expected to get taken and most of them didn't feel too badly about it. That, however, didn't apply to the girlie show. The man paid to look.

She moved through the crowd and it looked the same as always but then the crowd always looked the same.

She played a few of the games, losing every time, and since none of the operators knew her they just kidded around and didn't say anything serious. She was aware that her halter was a source of attraction but even if she had been wearing a dress they would have been curious about her big breasts.

A few drops of rain were coming down when she made her exit from the tent but she saw that there was a good crowd in front of The Big Revue show. The crowd stood back from the platform, even the men, but that wasn't strange. The men wanted to get inside and find a thrill but they didn't want to have any of their friends, especially friends of their wives or girl friends, to know that they had gone in there.

"If you aren't eighteen you can't come in," Earl was saying from the platform. "And if you're over sixty you'd better have your blood pressure checked first."

He kept on talking, music playing in the background, but she didn't listen to all that he said. The girls were swaying up there on the stage, their smiles bright, and May thought that the blonde was rather pretty, her breasts tilted and tempting, her moving legs below the tights like two crawling animals in heat.

"I wonder if she does," a man behind May said.

"They all do," his companion replied.

Earl finished his spiel, the girls going into a series of bumps and grinds, and the tickets began to sell, only a few at first and then picking up. She moved on, thinking of Earl. Maybe he took care of the blonde regular, sleeping with her every night, but that didn't mean that he didn't have enough of himself left for somebody else.

The drops of rain had increased now and a lot of people were going toward the exit. That was unfortunate because once you lost them you didn't always get them back.

She returned to the quarters and undressed in her room without turning on the light. There was enough light coming in from outside.

It was hot and she sprawled out on the bed, thinking about the girlie show, how much depended on its success, and knowing that two girls weren't enough to carry it. The show should feature three girls and if they could manage it four would be even better.

Still in the darkness she got up from the bed and in the limited space went through the bumps and grinds she had practiced when she had been younger, really throwing herself into the bumps, then going down to grind her hips. If she went into the show, she might feel sorry for some of the men who wouldn't get what they ought to get but there wasn't much of anything else that she could do. All that she had was her body. Her education didn't count in a carnival girlie show. Just put the body on the line and the men crowded around. When you got over them and you were naked you lowered yourself in a grind and then you gave them the bump.

She returned to the bed and she didn't know if it got right down to it whether or not she could do it. A lot of men had seen her naked loveliness but that had been in the privacy of a bedroom. You got all kinds in a girlie show. That was why a man always had to be around, just in case some guy blew his cork.

May twisted on the bed and she wished that somebody was with her, perhaps somebody like that Earl who was big and who would be able to crush her, the song of love ripping into her body and turning her into a tigress. She smiled and closed her eyes. That blonde had it made while she was living with Earl. He would be strong, that Earl, he would drive the air from a girl's lungs, filling her insides with a fire, the man of him almost too much to endure. Yet, she told herself, you couldn't tell. She had known a boy not big in any outward way, but when he had come to her there on a beach blanket she had thought for a second that he was going to kill her. After that she had looked forward to going out with him.

She finally drifted off to sleep and she didn't know what time it was when she woke up. It was dark in the room now, no lights outside, and the music had stopped. All she could hear was the rain on the roof and the voices that came from Laura's room.

"I hope she doesn't wake up," Laura said.

"She won't." The man had a deep voice. "I looked in on her and she was out cold."

"I suppose you took a good look?"

The man laughed.

"Who wouldn't? I'd like to have her. A man could die in bed with a girl like that and not even mind it. Maybe you're worth ten but I'd be willing to pay her more."

"She isn't that type of girl."

"You know. You saw the show. I'm cheap and I'm rotten and I've also had a few too many. Now give me the money and let's get with it." Laura laughed. "If you like my sex services tell your friends that I'm available if they have the money."

May felt awful at the conversation, and she buried her head in the pillow so that she didn't have to listen to them. But she still heard the lascivious sounds of horny passion and grunts of rutting lust.