Chapter 3
She was restless, and couldn't read or sit still. She paced the room, over and over. The rain had stopped and she could hear the men working away.
Dave Moore should be with them on the crew picking up spending money when he could, but if he knew Earl was out, like it had been a couple of times before, he would be in with her and laying her body. She wasn't afraid of him. He was big all right, not as big as Earl. His main job was driving a trailer but he was always promoting some money on the side. Nights when he didn't do anything he would come into the girlie show and he would jus t stand and stare, raping the girls with his eves.
"He's a heller," Laura Hall had told Valerie, 'he'd go to bed with anything any hour round the clock."
Valerie didn't think much of Laura but she guessed that she wasn't anybody to judge another person. She wasn't exactly moral herself and she hadn't been since she had been seventeen and she had been living with her parents on a farm.
"Got a new man coming to work," her father had announced one night. "Young and strong and he was brought up on a farm. He ought to be all right, better than any of the others."
Valerie had seen the others and they hadn't been anything to brag about.
The new man had arrived the next morning, carrying his belonging in a farmer on the next farm had been sending over a cow to mate with her father's bull and she had crawled upstairs in the barn to watch. It hadn't been the first time that she had watched and the procedure had always proved fascinating to her.
'Good show," somebody behind her had said.
She had turned quickly, feeling trapped, and she had seen that it was the new man, his body stripped to the waist and his big chest covered with hair that excited her.
"I was only looking for any gloves my dad might have left up here," she had said.
"Hay is good for a lot of things. I can tell you."
She hadn't known what he had meant and she had gotten out of there right away, stumbling down the stairs, ashamed that he had found her and that he had known what she was interested in. For the rest of the day she had stayed in the house, pleading sickness when it was time to eat so that she wouldn't have to see him.
But she hadn't been able to avoid him for long and sometimes at night she had been alone in the house with him when her father and mother had driven to some other farm to play cards.
"Stay in your room and lock your door," her mother had said. "That fellow would just as soon stretch you out as look at you. And that doesn't go with his job. If he was to have anybody he can go somewhere else."
Valerie had known that the Koby girl gave herself away to the boys from town, guys who drove out and parked with her not far from the tarm, and she had known something about sex. Her mother hadn't hidden any of the facts from her or avoided any questions and she had known how a girl got a baby. A girl got a baby like the bull gave a cow a calf and somehow it had seemed dirty, like the male got all the pleasure and the female got all the trouble. Yet some nights she had heard her mother with her father, just across the hall and the door open.
And she had noticed the new man more and more, noticed the power in his shoulders and the way he had tipped his head to one side when he talked.
One night when they had been alone in the house-it had been a farmer's meeting that night-she had left her room and he had just been coming out of the bath. He hadn't had anything on, all naked and big, and she hadn't been able to stop looking at him.
"I thought you were downstairs," he had said walking up to her.
"I was in my bed."
"Haven't you ever seen a man before?"
Her mouth had been thick and dry suddenly
"No, not before, Not like that way you are now."
He had come right up close to her and something had told her that he wanted her in that special way that a man wanted a girl.
"I'd like to see you," he had said. "Without the shorts and halter. I'd like to see if those bumps are real or if you've got pads in there or something." He had grabbed her by the shoulders then. Your folks are out. They wouldn't know."
She had been kissed before, several times by boys who had taken her to school dances, but she hadn't been kissed the way he kissed. And she hadn't been held that way either. He had lifted her to him, driving the air out of her lungs, making her wonder if she would ever breathe again, and his mouth had crushed her lips, his mouth open and the up of his tongue trying to get in between her teeth. She had opened her mouth, gasping, and then suddenly she had been kissing Turn back, feeling him against her and knowing just what he was like as she clung to his maleness.
Seconds later they had been in her room and he had been untying her bra, swearing at the bow in back, and then her breasts had been freed to his amazed eyes.
"You've got plenty," he had said as he had pushed her down on the bed.
Even now, thinking about it, she couldn't remember all that had happened, remembering only that he had removed her shorts and that he had come after her.
"Love me," she had implored, "Love me good."
Well, it had been good, all of it good, every. second of it. They had been like that, locked together, finding each other time after time, when her mother had appeared in the doorway suddenly, and her mother had let out a scream.
She had left home that night, the names they had called her still ringing in her ears, and she had hitched into town with the young man who had been her first. They had spent the rest of the night in a hotel, taking their love in each other's arms, everything else forgotten for that big, moment.
The next night he had taken her to a road show and she had been curious about the girlie show. The girls in the show hadn't been too pretty and she had thought she could do what they could. She had seen the man who owned the show and he had hired her on the spot.
She had gone on the very next evening and she had been surprised to see her father out front, staring up at the other girls and getting a cheap thrill. He had turned away, tears in his eyes, and she hadn't seen him since.
That had been years before, she had lied about her age to get her first job and the show had been her fife since then.
She thought of her relationship with Earl, of living with him in his trailer, and it had been a satisfactory one. He was smart and she was rapidly approaching the point when she wanted to give up showing herself to any man who had the price. She was older now, four years older, and there were times when she thought of having a husband and a home and of getting herself with a child about every second or third year. She couldn't see having them one right after the other the way Laura Hall did but if Earl got her it wouldn't hurt her feelings. He wasn't that kind to walk out on a girl and she thought she could kind of depend on him to do the' right thing by her. When she thought of the show closing for the year and of losing him it made her more than a little sad. That meant another man, maybe some man who was married, and there was always the chance of getting caught. More than one girl got caught Some girl was getting caught every day, getting caught and half killing herself with tears.
The trailer door opened and Laura Hall came in. She looked terrible, like she had been up two nights in a row. She wore a tight dress that curved down over her body.
"I'm scared," she said as she sat down.
"It's bad enough," Valerie agreed.
"What happenes to the kid if he dies?"
"You should have thought of that before."
"And I think he has another on the way." Laura lit a cigarette.
"You have anything to show that he's their father?"
"Only that he sent me money and he paid the hospital bills."
"That isn't enough. He could have done that out of the kindness of his heart. What you need is some statement from him and then if he died you'd have a claim on the show. A man's kids have to be taken care of, married or not."
Without asking Laura got up and turned off the record player.
"I don't want to go through it again," she said. "One more kid to look after would just about kill me. At twenty-eight I don't have much longer in this racket. The guys want them young and with a shape like yours. I never was too big in the bust, and I was lucky to get along. The Sly who got me into it gave me a kid right off e bat but I lost that one. Funny thing is that I wanted to lose it and then after it was gone I was sorry." She leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. "I didn't want to go so far, not as far as I've gone with Ben."
"If It wasn't for you we'd have a better show," Valerie said. "Or if it wasn't for Ben. I don't know. You almost have to strip in the towns where you can or you don't get any business. Why should a guy pay to see a girl in scanty clothes? They can go to almost any beach and see just about the same thing."
"It's Ben's doings. It's none of mine. The second show I was in you had to go out back with the guys if they had the money. You got maybe four guys a night and you got to keep half of the five each one paid. It was a rotten way to make a living but what way isn't rotten? You give it away or you sell it and you get the same thing from the men."
Laura kept on talking, talking about nothing, and she asked for a drink but the bottle was empty. Earl had finished it the night before, but he could drink a lot and it hadn't stopped him any. Valerie had taken a shower, once the water had been hooked up, and he had helped her with it, kissing her and sending the throb all through her. In the end he'd taken her soaking wet on the bed and she'd had to change the sheet afterward.
Laura didn't stay too long and she was glad when the girl was gone. Valerie worked with Laura, sharing die dressing room with her, but she couldn't say that she liked her. Five nights out of six Laura couldn't get into the mood for her act and that didn't help matters any. The men didn't pay out good money to see some dame who was half drunk. They paid for what they didn't get in the Big Revue show and once they got stuck they told their friends not to bother with it.
Most of the shows she had been with had carried two girlie revues both of them competing against each other to get business, but the only reason Ben had one was because it was expected of him. What was it without a flesh show?
"No naked uncoverings," Ben had said when he had hired her. "Some of the girls like to take it off but that doesn't go with me. I run a clean show."
She had been staring out of the window and when she turned she heard the door open and close.
"Rain stopped," Dave Moore said. "What are you doing in here?" He grinned and reached in his pocket for a cigarette.
"Heard Earl rode into town with Ben and thought you might be a little bit lonely."
"I can sutler with my own company, thank you."
"You can go nuts trying that." He grinned again. "You find a girl just wearing a robe and you know that she's waiting for something to happen to her." He lit the cigarette and wiped some sweat off. "They read my palm last week and said I was going to get to know some blonde."
"Here's one blonde you won't get to know so good."
"Oh, I wouldn't count on that. I've been with Ben a number of years, since I got out of construction, and there hasn't been a dame vet who didn't come back the second time."
"Earl wouldn't like it if he knew you were in here."
He found a chair and sat down. "You gonna tell him?"
"I will if you don't leave." She remembered that the robe was too tight, the split in it starting at the bottom and working up high on her legs, and she brought her legs together. "Earl's a big man," she reminded him. "He's very big and he can be short on temper."
Dave Moore shrugged.
"I don't scare none, baby. Maybe he's big but I can hold my own with any guy. The way I figure it if a dame is passing it around I want my share. And I've watched you nights in the tent, watching you bounce when you go into your dance and kind of wanting to get my hands on you." He reached into his back pocket. "I've got a flask, let's have a drink and forget the damned world."
"Thanks but I don't want any."
He uncapped the pint flash, and took a drink directly from it.
"Maybe you want something else, huh?"
She moved away from the window.
"Shut up, she said, taking short steps so that the robe wouldn't fly open. But it did. It opened up all the way.
"You've got good legs, baby. Why don't you take off your robe and let me see where they lead to?"
"What do you think this is?"
"I don't know what I think it is but I know what it's going to be."
"Don't fool yourself, big boy."
"Aw, come on. You trying to make it rough on me?"
"I don't care how it is for you, you clod."
But she did care. Earl was in town and he wouldn't know anything about it. Sometimes a girl had to experience another man to appreciate the one she had. And if he gave her what he had given some of the other girls she would never know.
"So we'll have a drink," she said as she walked over to him.
"Take off the robe," he said again.
"You're going to give me that drink or not? You think this is a strip act-?"
"I think you're getting yours regular and I think you're a sucker. He wouldn't marry you if you were as big as this room."
"Let me worry about that."
"Go ahead and worry. It's no skin off my knees."
He finally gave her the drink, making her stand real close to him, one of his hands at her back, his arm around her, and his other hand in front, under the robe, starting at her knee. She told herself that she was a fool, that this was the wildest thing she had ever done, but she swallowed a long drink and she thrilled to the touch of his hand on her. She wouldn't stop until he could no longer continue or stand up after he asked her once more about letting out of her robe.
"Supposing I lock the door?" she asked.
"I don't care what you lock as long as you don't lock me out. What I've got for you has been waiting a long time, baby."
She locked the door. Laura Hall might come back but she didn't get out of her robe right away. What she was doing wasn't right and she knew that it wasn't right. She belonged to Earl, at least for the season, and she should have been satisfied.
"Strip," he commanded as they finished the bottle.
She laughed at him, standing in the middle of the room, and then she untied the belt and slipped out of the robe. Laughing she ran to the rear of the trailer and flung herself down on the bed. She lay there for a moment alone and she tried to blame the drinks but she knew that the liquor wasn't at fault. The fault was inside of her, buried deep, and only a man could find it.
"Oh baby," he said as he entered the room. "Oh baby, you're really something."
And then he was on her, all of him male, all that was man finding all that was woman, all their violence finding the tenderness to match it.
"Please," she begged later. Don't leave me-now."
He kissed her briefly.
"Why should I stay, baby?"
"There might be a reason." She returned his kiss. "The same reason as before."
"Yeah, and I get caught in here."
She didn't want that, not the way things had been with Earl. She was sure of him-perhaps she loved him-but after all he wasn't there. He hadn't been in the trailer when she had needed him, needed somebody. She had to be held tightly so that she knew she was wanted. Still, she guessed that she hadn't ought to be sure of Earl. She had seen it happen throughout the seasons, people who met, lived together and then parted. She had seen the tears and the bitterness, the frustration that followed the parting, the love that often changed to hate. She couldn't understand the hate part. Once you loved it shouldn't change, bright hopes being replaced by despair. But things did change. People changed. What was true might not be true tomorrow. You had to accept that. Only a few minutes before she hadn't been eager to have anything to do with Dave Moore and now she was stretched out on the bed for him. The favors that belonged to Earl had been given carelessly and without heed, without regret. How could she be like that? What was wrong with her?
Reaching over she placed one hand upon his chest. It rose and fell as he breathed.
No good, that was her all right.
Well, maybe she wasn't. No good at all. A tramp who walked through life and took what she could get. She smiled and dug her fingers down into his chest. There was one thing that she wasn't doing without, the strange and wonderful thing that almost everybody said should only come with marriage. Still, how many girls were like that? How many waited? She didn't know. There was hardly any way that she could have known.
"You won't get caught," she said to him. "Anyway, I thought you had some guts."
"I've got guts."
She felt like teasing him.
"I'd fight over anything. But what's the sense when it isn't necessary? What's it prove?"
"Oh, I was only wondering."
"You're his woman."
"Maybe."
Dave Moore yawned.
"This is bad about Ben," he said. "First it was the weather and now his heart, they never come back all the way. This is a tough life and there's the worry on top of it."
She thought about it, about the show closing, of being out of work.
"It scares me," she admitted.
He laughed.
"Dook, with what you've got you can always make out."
"I know what you mean."
"It could be worse. I know of some girls who go south the winter and the northern resorts during the summer. Or you push drinks and make what you need after the bar closes."
"I'd never do that."
"Why is it different than this?"
She removed her hand from his chest, ran it down over her breasts to her thighs. She had yielded to him and she was beginning to feel a little sorry that she had. There was nothing solid between her and Earl. The relationship was a temporary affair and one day it would be finished. Very few girls realized marriage out of such a situation. The man found somebody else or drifted on.
"I should be getting to work," Dave said but he made no effort to leave the bed. He didn't sound as though he wanted to work. They only did what they had to do. "But it'll keep," he added. "Nobody's going to steal it from me."
She stretched, thrusting the mounds of her breasts upward. For a second she held the position, looking down at herself, and then she turned her head to glance at him.
"I'd hate to be a husband and have a wife near you," she told him.
"So what?"
"Don't you care about anybody else?"
"Does it pay to-?"
"It could."
"Not in this racket. You have to be out for yourself." He leaned over to kiss her. "Baby, those guys who go to your show don't know what they're missing."
"Sometimes I think they're dirty."
"Dirty with dough."
"Once in a while I'd like to get out of this. Maybe I would."
" What-' s stopping you?"
"Lots of things but mostly dough."
"You're not making a fortune."
'Are you?"
"No."
She stretched again and her breasts rose big and hard.
"Well, it could be worse. And it's all I know. I'd die in some factory. Forty bucks a week and the boss with his hands. Those who want it can have it."
She crept close to him, desire rising inside of her. He felt solid. She knew that it was wrong, the whole thing was wrong, but she was powerless to control the raging torrent inside of her.
She lived for those moments in her life when her excitement spun in a crazy lunging pattern of lust and the plea for fullfillment. Even with Earl, knowing him so well and all, it didn't die. Oh, maybe it died for a little bit but in a short time it was born all over again.
"Please," she said and kissed him fully.
He grinned, pulling away from the kiss for just a second.
"Baby, it's no wonder Earl is nuts about you."
"Oh, shut up."
She listened only to his heavy breathing as he took her, bring the same lust thrills to her as before and his stark male organ pounded her and later, gave way to the ecstatic spasms of his completion.
"Don't leave me," she said as he withdrew from her and got up to dress and leave.
He looked down at her in astonishment. "I'm only human kid. I can hardly walk now, you've drained me of everything I've got."
He did leave her and she rolled over and tried to comfort herself from her unhappiness.