Chapter 3
After Carol and I had talked, I felt better in sort of a melancholy way. I suppose it was the old maxim of misery loving company. I went home to my apartment, stopping along the way to get some groceries.
My apartment then was a three-room affair in the attic of this old woman's Victorian house. It was a white house with black shutters, but it had a seedy look to it. The salt in the harsh winds that blew on a harbor town had caused the paint to crack and peel.
The gardens about the house were somewhat in disregard, weeds sprang up everywhere among the geraniums, and as I walked down the path to the back entrance way that led to my apartment, I saw that the grass needed cutting.
Evening was falling fast and a stiff wind was picking up around my ears. I was still depressed, but the thought of being alone in my apartment was comforting.
But once inside and once settled in for the night with a pile of books beside me, I felt restless as hell. It seemed incredible to me that I could go home and do as I had been doing for all those years after what had happened, after what I had seen.
I wondered about my voyeurism. Yes, I had been thrilled by the sight of Harry and the young girl, thrilled by the sight of his hard, beautiful cock and of her hungry mouth milking it. I had loved the sight of his head buried between her legs driving her to orgasm.
I thought about that, I thought about the conversation I had had with Carol later on, of my interupted masturbation. I considered masturbating then, but the thought was unappealing somehow. No, I needed more than fantasies and my own fingers, I wanted a hard young cock and I wanted it tonight, that night.
I paced around my apartment, trying to decide what to do, where could I go, who could I go see. I considered going to see Carol, but thought that we would only depress each other, frustrate each other more.
I went to my closet to look for something to wear, something sexy, something revealing. There was very little. I had been a recluse for all these years and my job in the library demanded no voluptuous looks.
I finally chose a pair of white, tight-fitting beach pants and an Indian silk shirt. It was the best I could do. I went to the bathroom then, and combed my hair, tried to fix up my looks with what little makeup I owned.
As I stepped out into the dark and windy night, I inhaled the lovely fragrance of the ocean, of the shore, of the flowering trees about me. I felt exhilarated, full of anticipation. My body was alive, physically alive after so many years. It was as if it had been taken out of cold storage finally and now was ready for use. I felt as if I could have run for miles, or climbed mountains or swum the channel. I was singing as I got into my car and turned on the ignition.
I was ready for love, for sex, just the result of having been able to make a move. To be able to admit to myself what I needed and then leave the safety of my rooms to go look for it.
I had to, I couldn't have stayed alone there. I had to go out in that beautiful windy night, if only for the movement of my body.
I didn't know where to go. I had never sought out such a thing. I supposed that one went to bars and I stopped at the first roadhouse that I passed. It was a somewhat dingy place with dark lighting and pictures of ships and whales above the bar.
It was full of men, there were only a few women in the whole place. As I walked in, most of the occupants turned to look at me. I immediately felt nervous, inhibited. I barely glanced at the people there. I forced myself to walk over to the bar and order a drink. The bartender leered at me as he set the drink down, but I ignored his stare.
Almost as soon as I had pressed the glass to my lips a man sat down next to me.
His elbow touched mine, "So what's your name, baby?" he said, looking me up and down as if I were a piece of steak.
I looked at him, he was a middle-aged man, not particularly handsome, but not bad looking, either, except for the lecherous grin on his face.
He grabbed my arm and asked my name again. He was joined by another man who walked to the other side of me and began to stroke my hair.
"Please take your hands off me." I said in a low voice.
"Oh, come on, baby," one of the men said, "You walk into a place like this, you're only looking for one thing, and I've got a nice big one."
"I said I wanted you to take your hands off me." I repeated.
The other man spoke up, as he did, he put his hand on my thighs, "Look, Honey, you want money, is that it? A nice piece like yourself ought to get paid, I suppose. I'm willing to give you twenty dollars for fifteen minutes of your cunt, how about it?"
"I just want you to get your hands off me," I yelled, jumping up from my seat. Anger flooded through me, I looked at these men, these disgusting pigs who thought they could have anything they wanted just by taking it. Just like Michael and his friends.
They wanted a woman, they took her, they forced her, they cared nothing about how she felt. I grabbed my handbag and rushed out of the bar, hearing their cruel laughter following behind me. I jumped into my car and pulled out of the parking lot.
I drove very fast for a while, full of anger and frustration. My heart was beating very fast, but eventually I calmed down and released my foot from the accelerator.
I drove for some time, not thinking about anything but the road and the engine in front of me. My lights shined on two young boys up ahead who were hitchhiking.
I slowed down and pulled up beside them. They opened the doors and one climbed in the back and then the other climbed in beside me.
"Thanks, Lady," the one in the front said, "It sure is hard to get a ride this time of night."
I looked at the one in the front, he was young, maybe" sixteen, very attractive. Streaked blonde hair hung over his forehead. He was wearing cut offs and I looked at his young, muscular thighs.
"Where are you heading?" I asked, turning on to the road.
The one in the front looked at the one in the back, "Well, we're going to town."
"Not much to do there at night." I said.
"Actually," he said, "We're going to see if we can find some one to cop some beer for us."
I thought about that, and then said, "I'll do it for you, I haven't got anything to do tonight myself."
"Shit," he said, "That's fantastic, my name is Pete, my friend's Sal."
I didn't tell them my name, but drove into town, talking about various things, asking them what they were doing that summer and where they lived. It seemed they were only there for two weeks and that they had finally gotten out of the sight of their parents to look for a little action.
I decided to play it by ear, but my mind was working a mile a minute.
After I returned from the package store with not only two sixpacks of beer, but a bottle of wine, they asked me if I would drive them down to a secluded beach. I remembered what Carol had told me about Cranberry Beach and drove straight to it.
When we arrived, I asked them if they would mind if I joined them for a few minutes, they said not at all. We walked down the path to the beach. One of them had a blanket and spread it out on the sand.
We sat down and began to drink the beer.
There was almost a full moon that night and we could see each other very well. They were both young and attractive, and I was horny. I tried to think of some way to broach the subject as we drank more beer. I went very easy on the booze, but those two were drinking like they had just returned from the desert. I suspected that at their tender ages, they probably had low tolerance for liquor.
I must have been right, because they became giddy very quickly.
"It feels so good down here," I started, "I think I'll just take off my clothes."
They stared at me, but I whipped off my shirt. My full breasts swung in the night air. Their mouths dropped below their jaws. I began to fondle my breasts a little, looking at them all the time.
In the moonlight I looked at one's groin and imagined I saw a rather hard bulge there.
"Gee, Lady," Sal said, "Aren't you cold?"
"No, not at all, in fact I'm terribly hot." Do you want to feel how hot I am?" I said moving closer. A tentative hand reached for my tit and then touched it and then snapped away, as if the hand had been burned or something.
"Don't be afraid," I crooned, "I won't hurt you. After all, there are two of you and only one of me."
Pete moved closer to me and cupped my tits with his hands, then be began to massage and caress them gently. He pushed me down on my back.
I relaxed on the blanket. Now that I had started this scene, I felt like I could relax and enjoy it. These youngsters were anxious enough to feel my tits, to explore the whole of my body. Their breathing was caught in their throats already.
The hands of the one boy moved up and down and across my breasts, down under my armpits and down to my stomach. He was soon joined by the other boy and the two of them worked on me as if I were a piece of dough.
They seemed content with feeling my flesh, or at least they seemed embarrassed to try anything else. But my flesh was tingling from the contact of their hands and the sounds of their breathing. I wanted more of that treatment. I wanted more passion, more of their bodies. I wanted to see their young cocks hard as stone and before my eyes.
I sat up and they moved away from me slightly. I got up to kneeling position and immediately went to work on the closest boy. I began to unbutton his pants. He trembled under my touch, but he didn't move. He stood firm as I worked with the material, my hands aching for the swelling of his young cock.
I heard the surf in my ears, the surf pounding on the shore and wasn't it just like the pounding of my desire in my head. The flash of need, the wave that seeks fulfillment on the sand.
How I lusted for these two young men, and they had no idea what the scope of my desire was. I did have for a moment, slight bewilderment with myself. What was I doing down here on the beach with children who could be my own children? It seemed insane, but no more insane than the ocean wrapping itself around the coastline, no more insane than the wind whipping through the dune grass. It was a natural force in me, in them, in all things of the earth. Wild and blind passion, drive.
My fingers touched the warm flesh of the one young man, I felt his hard cock and bent forward to kiss it tenderly with my mouth. It tasted of salt and sand and I licked upwards on him, tasting the earth and my own desire. And he trembled underneath his lips, his youth throbbing underneath my tongue.
So gently I did it, as if I were at an altar, as if I were kissing a holy ring, as if I were to receive a blessing underneath his firm young thighs.
But I felt brave, brazen, in control of the situation. I licked deeply down into his crotch and underneath the growing hardness of his youthful cock to kiss the pliant flesh of his balls. They seemed so delicious to me, so wonderfully soft and capable. I took one of the balls into my mouth and whirled it around in my cheeks. Like it was a large marble.
The other boy was just watching, his finger in his mouth. I took my face out of his friend's crotch and pulled him over next to him. They stood together like Siamese twins and I quickly stripped the other boy of his pants and his young cock was exposed to the raging elements of the landscape also.
What a sight that was, as I sat back on my haunches to examine my handiwork. I was filled with desire, at that moment wishing that I could be more than just one woman, wishing that I could experience an endless amount of orgasms with those two young men.
In a fury I pulled them together and went for the nearest cock with my mouth. I tore into the hard, young flesh and slurped with all my might. The poor boys tried to back away from me and I felt the madness pass from my brain.
No, no, that wasn't the way, I had to approach this subject gently, I didn't want to frighten them.
No, I wanted to give them more pleasure than they had ever conceived of in their wildest masturbatory dreams. But it had to be smooth, gentle, so that they could give me all the pleasure that I needed. Undoubtedly I would have to teach them a lot. They seemed to be virgins. I decided to ask.
"Are you both virgins?" I asked, looking up into their faces and pushing my hair from out of my eyes.
They told me that they weren't really virgins, that they had never really put their cocks into a cunt, but had been jerked off by girls and that they had even been sucked off.
I couldn't help but laugh. Here, to my very own self, I had the ultimate pleasure of initiation. Two handsome youngsters who had never felt their cocks sunk into cunt flesh. I could have done a dance of joy, but instead I grabbed a hold of each of their cocks and began to jerk them off.
"What would you two like to do to me?" I asked very sexily.
They looked at each other and then down at me. "I guess we want to lay you." One of them said.
"Say it louder, what do you want to do to me?"
"We want to fuck you!"
"That's better," I said, "How do you want to do it?"
"We want to stick our hard cocks up you and fuck the shit out of you."
I laughed and pulled harder on their hard little cocks. Oh, they weren't all that little. They were quite impressive for boys their ages, but they were so pretty-looking. They looked like greek statues of boys, so well-formed, so clean and uncorrupted-looking.
But they were burning for me. They wanted it so bad. I lay down onto the blanket and spread my legs wide. The one of them came over me, rather shyly, but nevertheless with great intent. My eyes were wide open as he mounted me, positioning his thighs over my body, lowering himself, full weight across me. I took him into my arms as if he were my son, full of love, compassion, and lust.
Because I did lust for him, and for his friend, too. The ache in my body would be fulfilled by them, by both of them, I would not let them go until it was a satisfied memory of the night on the beach. They would be gone from me forever, but I would remember them.
The young man's hands found my mons and awkwardly massaged me, touching my cunt and rubbing it hard. They, the boy's hands, were totally untutored.
"Touch my clitoris, there that's it." I whispered into his ear, "Do it gently now, rub it with your fingers and I will respond to you."
And I continued to instruct him and tell him about my body, but soon he could not wait any longer for that thing that he had been waiting all his life for. His hand clutched at me so.
With my hand I positioned his cock at the entrance to my cunt, placing it directly in and waiting for his first thrust.
It came directly, as the young man thrust forward with his hips and his cock began to push upward into my cunt. I moved my body forward trying to suck all of his eager cock into me.
It felt so wonderful. After all, I had waited longer for this than he had. Well, maybe not, I had not always longed for this. There had been quite a few years when I hadn't thought at all about sex. That was because it had occurred to me that only men my age would be available, but now I knew a younger man could satisfy my needs. Perhaps only a younger man, somewhat inept though they were, because they were totally unspoiled by their egos by having all the sex they wanted. They were perfect and I could be the teacher. I could dominate their fantasies, could bring them to my ways:
It seemed so perfect this way as the young man thrust in and out of me, fucking me to the core of my being, curling his toes and pressing as much of his body as he could into my sex. I could feel his soft balls bouncing off my asshole. He sought my mouth and wanted to kiss me. I returned his kiss wetly, sucking his tongue into my mouth as the two of us writhed and fucked on the beach.
Desire racked my body, the feeling of his cock plunging into the recesses of my body was driving me wild. It was so good, so good, I thought that I would tear the boy apart in my passion. I moaned under him and tossed my head fitfully.
Orgasm came up from the ground and spread through me. It touched my cunt, it blasted through my veins, my head pounded with a screaming need. The boy began to fuck harder, faster, and I screamed in my desire. I screamed and we went off together, clutching each other's body and fucking to beat the band.
As the orgasms subsided, I wanted him to stay where he was, resting with a still hard cock in my cunt. But the other boy whom I had forgotten about, was anxious to have a crack at me.
His friend dismounted, his cock plopping out of me wetly, our mutual juices full of sand on my thighs.
The other boy came towards me immediately and squatted down beside me. Then, moving on top of me, I felt the weight of him immediately resting on my flesh, my heaving body.
He didn't fool around with my cunt with his hands like his friend had, oh, no. He couldn't wait. He positioned his cock himself and pushed it up to the hilt with one fucking thrust.
I sighed as the breath was knocked out of me. The boy was mad with lust, he fucked me hard immediately, he pounded his cock into my warm flesh.
I found it quite exciting though. His youthful desire was a real turn-on and the idea that he had been watching me fuck his friend must have stimulated him a great deal, I moved upward to take in the hard cock thrusts of his body.
He moaned into my ear and fucked away. His young cock slid in and out of me rhythmically. His hands felt for my breasts, and he massaged them as if he were looking for something there. I couldn't stand it. It was so wonderfully sensual, so very animalistic. I felt totally flesh, my mind a stupid amenity.
"Oh, yes, you fuck so well, fuck me, fuck me," I yelled into his ear. And the boy responded by starting to come inside of me. He broke h is rhythm and tried to shove even further into my cunt.
I arched my back and felt another orgasm coming home to me. It was marvelous the way he fucked me, and I wanted that orgasm to last longer than it did. I felt his hot come filling the cavity of me, and I arched up into his pelvis trying to take it all into my body. He trembled on top of me and shuddered, but with one last thrust I knew he had finished with me for a time.
Even as the young man's body covered mine, I felt the night winds around my bare shoulders and thighs, my nakedness exposed to the salty winds so harsh. I shifted my position on the blanket.
Now both of the young men were near me, covering me. The three of us huddled together for warmth and sensuality. It felt beautiful, even poetic. We caressed each other tenderly and spoke nothing at all. I would often bend and kiss their mouths and touch their hair. My hands would fondle their cocks and their balls and I made little remarks on their bodies to them.
It wasn't awfully long before they both had erections again, and I was afforded another opportunity to satisfy them, and they to satisfy me. The three of us made love on the beach over and over again.
But eventually they began to worry about what their parents would be thinking, so we gathered up our clothes and headed back to the car. The three of us, arm-in-arm back to the car.
One of the boys asked if he could drive and I agreed. It was a mad careening ride back to town, with me sitting in the middle of the two young men laughing and feeling their bodies. I felt like a teenager again. It was better than I had felt in many years, it was like being alive, physically alive. Suddenly I felt like I had a young woman's body, one that required satisfaction, that oozed sexuality.
The desk at the library seemed very far away to me, although a picture of Harry flitted through my mind. Yes, Harry, Harry was older than these boys certainly, but not much older. I felt a tug at my insides at the thought of that beautiful young boy. I desired him so, I realized that, I desired Harry. It didn't seem quite so insane to me at that point, having just seduced two boys younger than he.
I took Pete and Sal to the road on which their parents had rented a cottage. We all kissed good-bye, it was very nice and very friendly and there didn't seem to be strained feelings coming from anyone.
Of course we all knew that they would never see me again, that I was just an incident on a summer night, on a windy beach. I thought that maybe when they got back home they would tell their friends about me and maybe not without a bit of bravado and exaggeration. So be it, I thought, they had given me pleasure.
A whole new world had been opened up to me, I wondered if perhaps I wasn't mad. Or if I was trying to recapture a youthful experience that I had set aside, that I had been torn from. That now I was trying to return to my youth by loving these young boys.
By loving Harry. Yes, it was some kind of love I felt for him. Although at that point, I would have called it merely a sexual fascination, an obsession with his lovely, lithe body. I could almost picture the hardness of his cock before my eyes.
As I drove home I fantasized about having him alone to myself, of seducing him, of having his prick working in and out of my cunt, of feeling his young, strong body moving over mine.
I thought of where and how it would happen, that he would fall hopelessly in love with me and perhaps we would go away together someplace. I knew that it was merely a fantasy and that it could never happen that way.
How was I to compete with the lovely young girls with their golden looks and their sleazy bodies. And if society was to find out my intentions, I would be an anathema, a Phaedra.
I parked my car and climbed the backstairs to my rooms. When I got upstairs, I went directly to the bathroom and faced myself in the mirror. My hair was wild and tangled, my clothing was wrinkled and damp-looking. But how well I looked! My skin was flushed with excitement and satisfaction, with discovery.
I looked younger, much younger. I touched my own body and my skin crawled even from that contact. How soft my skin felt, how desirable I felt. How desirable I wanted to be for Harry.
I was overwhelmed by a sensation of sudden hope, of awakening life, of possibility.