Chapter 2
It was a summer afternoon, perhaps a Wednesday, that I stood in the stacks of the library reading an ancient volume. The room was very quiet, there were only a couple of people bent over books as most of humanity was out on the beaches enjoying the marvelous weather.
I felt somewhat languid, tempted by the indolence of the day, the hushed quiet of the library. The book I had opened was Hippolytus and I read about Phaedra who was consumed by her passion for the young son of her husband.
As I read I felt my skin burning for her, for her desire that would always be unfulfilled. How she needed his body, his young, firm body in exchange for the old, battered body of her husband.
I was so consumed by compassion and so vicariously involved in her hopeless love that I quite forgot where I was, that I even forgot who I was, I suppose. I read on, my thighs aching for Phaedra, for Hippolytus.
I imagined him half-naked on the beach, his youthful body straight and strong. His hard muscles glistening with manly exertion, his eyes clear and innocent.
How easy it was for the poor woman to desire him in contrast to the insensitive old fart she was married to. My hand rested on my breast as I read on and on, growing intensely aware of the coming tragedy and also the fact that my underwear was getting rather disturbingly wet.
These meditations were abruptly interrupted by the sound of a giggle. A giggle that seemed to be coming from a section of the library which was closed up.
It was a room that contained supplies and also the few rare books that the library owned and so it was always locked. I placed the book I had been reading on the shelf and walked over to the room. I put my ear to the door and heard muffled whispers, and more giggling. It sounded like a young girl.
Cautiously I tried the lock. The door was open and I pushed it open more, just a few inches so that I could peek inside.
I suppressed a gasp of horror and amazement.
I saw Harry Smyth, the young man we had hired for the summer standing with his back braced against a shelf, his hands on the head of a young woman.
The young woman was kneeling between his legs and she was holding his exposed penis in her hands. Her tongue was gently licking up and down the length of it.
She was sniffing at his crotch and touching him most delicately, and she seemed to be enjoying the whole thing. Harry also was enjoying it. There was a big smile on his face and his eyes were sort of half-closed.
I held my breath. I suppose I should have walked in and broken the little scene up, but I couldn't move my feet. They were rooted to the spot and my eyes stared with torrid fascination at the couple.
I watched as the young girl's tongue flicked out across the head of Harry's prick. She began a slow, circular movement up and down the hard shaft.
And I was somewhat taken aback just by the size of the young man's organ. It seemed enormous to me in that erected state. It seemed terribly long, almost a foot long I estimated. But it was also very thick and a deep violet color.
I wasn't really that far away from the couple, but even so-well, I could make out the bulging veins on his cock. I could also get glimpses of a fine and heavy set of balls. The girl would take them in her hands and give them an affectionate squeeze and Harry seemed to like that.
Harry had dark hair on his head and his pubic hair though not especially thick was very dark also. I know that I should have made my presence known and stopped this breach of rules. Such a thing was not only unheard of in the library, but unconceived of. But instead I found that I was wishing that Harry had no clothes on at all, that I could view his body entirely. I wanted to know if there was hair on his chest and his legs like around his male parts, I wanted to see the muscles in his body shivering from the excitation the young woman was giving him.
I wanted to see more and I knew it!
The girl now pressed her lips over the head of Harry's prick, I watched her cheeks go concave and convex and I knew that she was sucking him off.
As she continued, he began to respond by shoving his hips forward a little, trying to get her to take more of his cock down into her throat. She didn't seem to mind, but began to bob her head back and forward, taking his cock inches at a time.
As she sucked and bobbed on Harry's organ, her hands pressed his balls and his thighs harder and harder. Harry moaned a little bit and pushed forward insistently.
There were no words between the girl and the boy, it was all movement and the aura of sex filled the room. It seemed deeper and more absorbing than the sunlight spilling in through the window. It spread through the room and it touched me, I almost felt the woman's mouth, I could almost imagine having a cock and having that cock sucked by a young female.
He pushed farther down into her mouth and although the girl gagged a little and her face seemed horribly distorted with the full weight and length of his prick, she tried her best to take all of him.
It was like she wanted to swallow him, she wanted all that he had and she wanted more. She loved the taste of his hard flesh and she sucked at him, as if the river of life were in his glans.
I held my breath and watched Harry wriggle his hips around and point his shaft deeply into her face. The girl had her eyes close as she vehemently sucked his cock. She pursed her lips tightly together and now there was no longer any teasing of the tongue and cheek, no, now there was only the hard driving force of his cock seeking release in her mouth.
Her hands held him tightly around his thighs. She was hanging on for all she was worth as the cock plunged in and out of her lips. Her blonde hair looked wet and tangled and I could see that sweat was dripping from young Harry's forehead.
Harry gave out a little cry and the tempo of his fucking into her mouth increased. His hands were on her shoulders, he pressed them hard against the flailing girl. He fucked her mouth at a mad pace and she again choked somewhat on the force of his cock.
It went on for some time like that, and she began to gulp frantically. I knew Harry was ejaculating in her mouth and that she was attempting to swallow his come.
She choked quite a bit as the still orgasming young man humped her face. But she was totally involved in what she was doing, she wanted every bit of his come. She wanted to swallow all that he had to give.
As his movements in her mouth and towards her mouth decreased, she didn't stop her actions one bit. She continued to suck his cock until it was growing limp in her mouth. She made a lot of noise in her sucking, like a piglet after its mother sow, she wanted all of him!
I watched the whole thing, after the limp prick slid out of her mouth, she licked him all over. She went underneath and licked at his balls, she took them into her mouth and swished them around. She licked his thighs and his stomach, and she cleaned him off all together.
Then she sat back on her haunches and smiled, licking her lips. She had such a big smile on her face it almost made me smile. How much she had enjoyed the taste of Harry. It made my mouth water to think about his come. I found myself wishing that I had been her. I wanted to be in her place, sucking his cock and tasting its precious juices.
Harry smiled back at the girl and tousled her hair. Then he lifted her up to her feet quickly. He kissed her on the mouth with fervor, and she returned the kiss.
My breath was still stuck in my throat, imagining the taste of Harry's come, the entanglement of their two tongues and the hard reality of warm embrace.
Harry's hands moved over the girl's body, he caressed her breasts, fondled the cheeks of her ass. He then began to ease her slacks off of her body. Slowly I saw the white flesh of the girl's ass appear.
Then Harry pulled her down onto the floor and pulled her pants off of her completely. The girl crooked her knees and lay back. I could see her girlish cunt glistening in the sunlight.
Harry moved in between her legs and immediately his hands fell on her mound of love and began to explore. The girl moaned with the first touch and arched her back slightly.
Harry rubbed her briskly there and then his fingers became more gentle, more expert. He rubbed her clitoris as if he were trying to make a fire out of sticks.
"Do you like that?" he asked her.
She moaned in the affirmative and then Harry stuck a finger up her twat. He stuck it way up, as far as it could go and began to work it all around in her warm, wet flesh.
The girl squirmed about on the floor. Harry's knees held her legs, wide apart as he stuck another finger up her twat and continued to whirl them around inside the girl.
It was almost more than I could stand.
Suddenly Harry removed his hands from her twat and sunk his head down into her crotch. From where I could stand I could almost see the whole thing. I saw how his tongue whipped out sharply and licked at the girl's clitoris. It moved up and down her cunt lips and darted into the darkness of her hole.
The girl groaned and wriggled and then she wrapped her legs around Harry's neck tightly. He began to eat her out in earnest sinking his whole being into her cunt and tasting all her flesh. He nibbled at her clitoris and I could even hear the loud slurping noises his mouth was making.
My thighs were tingling from what my eyes were witnessing. I felt jealous of the girl, wanted to feel that young, hot mouth on my twat, wanted to feel his tongue inside of me seeking out the juices of my womanhood.
Her legs held him like a vise as his head rooted around in her crotch. He bit her clitoris slightly and the girl cried out. I looked around me quickly and saw that the library was still practically empty, that no one would overhear them or see me watching at the door.
I wondered how long I had been standing there, five minutes, ten minutes, an hour? It seemed like days had gone by since I had first heard that giggle. My underpants felt so wet that it seemed as if I had had an accident, but I knew that that was not what it was.
I knew my cunt had responded to this sight by excreting a gallon of female fuck sauce. How I needed a skilled tongue, or better, a long, hard man cock.
I think I would have given up life itself at that moment for a prick. But I stayed my ground and continued to watch Harry slurping up the girl's flowing juices.
She was shaking like a leaf at that point, and I figured she was about to come. She cried out again and held Harry even tighter between her legs. He responded by attacking her cunt with a renewed fury, by sucking at her clitoris.
His hands held her buttocks and he held her lower body up to his face as if she were a plate of food. The girl wormed about underneath him, struggling to push her crotch deeper into his face, struggling desperately for completion of her body.
She was aching toward satisfaction, seeking the orgasm she had been climbing toward for so long. I, myself, felt on the bridge of coming, my cunt was alive with feeling, with ache and with longing.
My mouth was watering and yet felt dry. My thighs were trembling. Oh, how I needed a fuck. After watching this scene I couldn't bear the asceticism I had sought and accomplished.
Until today, I hadn't really thought of sex, but now I was confronted with this squirming pussy, that hungry mouth of Harry's, and I knew what I needed.
The girl arched her back against the floor. Her own hand flew to her mouth and she bit down on her fingers in passion. She humped her crotch against Harry's whirlwind mouth, making the desperate movement of a person in the throes of orgasm.
Her movements sought the rhythm of satisfaction, the lust of her body had taken control of her and now she was a mere animal, a mere animal seeking its natural course.
The violent orgasm took her consciousness and she went with it for a few marvelous seconds. Then her body began to relax under the still moving mouth of Harry.
She sighed a great sigh and leaned back against the floor. Harry continued to lick her and clean the female juice off of her thighs and her lower stomach.
When he was finished he stood up and offered her a hand up off the floor. She came up smiling, smiling the smile of satisfaction and delight.
The girl slipped her pants on and then they embraced again. I wondered if they were lovers and that they had been doing this a long time. If perhaps they met in the library a lot and gave each other pleasure.
My knees were weak from desire and need and I thought that perhaps I should have stopped them from what they were doing and by that stopped the feelings that were coursing through my veins. Stopped sexuality from awakening in my body, destroyed the monster before it grew to such overwhelming proportions.
It was too late, something had been started in me, something I had ignored and pasted down for such a long time. And now I could not deny it.
I realized that I had to leave my position at the door which very soon the lovers would be coming through that same door and if they found me there I would not be ready to face them. What would I say, would I accuse them, would I be able to do anything but stand and stare?
I hurried across the library and went into my office. I sat down at my desk and lit up a cigarette. For about a minute I did nothing but smoke, inhaling nothing but the blue smoke and my own frustration. Then I placed my hand on my crotch.
My hand worked underneath the material of my skirt and through the nylon of my panties and I found the wet resin of my desire.
The inside of my cunt felt burning hot to my fingers as I began to work them in and out slowly, seeking some sort of satisfaction. With my thumb I massaged my clitoris and that part of me tingled with the stimuli.
I hunched down on my seat and really went to work on my own cunt, fingering and stroking wildly, deeply. I stuck my fingers up inside of me as far as they could go, probing for the core of my being, the core of the ache.
I worked fast, thinking that surely it would only be a few seconds before I came, before I could cope with the rest of the world as a sane human being again. I rammed my fingers up into the slickness of my hot flesh.
I sought a fantasy, a fantasy to help me come. I thought of men, of groups of men, all beautiful, all young, all with hard pricks that were hard because of me and my naked body stretched out before them.
I thought of a young man mounting me on the beach, positioning his hard cock at the door to my cunt and then slamming it up to me, burying his cock into my cunt right up to his balls and then lying on top of me.
I thought of that hard imaginary cock filling the heat of my body, of the young man feeling for my breasts, caressing them feverishly, passionately. And then the fucking, he was fucking me, saying obscene things in my ear and ramming the hardness of his body deep into my body.
Oh yes, I was crying out, fuck me, fuck me. And he did, he did with all the energy in his body, with all the lust that had mustered in his prick. I responded, raising my body up to his blows, to his passionate onslaught, laughing in the sand as he fucked me silly....
There was a knock at my door. I cursed the world and quickly took my hands away from my cunt and smoothed down my skirt.
"Come in," I said nervously, lighting another cigarette, as I did so, smelling the juices of my own body.
Carol opened the door and walked in. Carol was a young lady employed by the library part time. We had become friends working together and although there was some disparity in our ages, we found it easy to talk. She was twenty-five to my thirty-five.
Carol was a lovely girl. Tall and tanned, with a short crop of brown curly hair and a vibrant healthy look about her. She was built like a dancer, as she had pursued that discipline up until the few months before when she had suffered an injury that threatened to eliminate that possibility for years, if not for good.
Carol looked at me somewhat strangely. I imagined that I saw her nostrils flared and I wondered if she could smell what I had been doing. My skin colored somewhat. I suppose I was flushed anyway, flushed with frustration, my uncompleted satisfaction.
"You don't look well, Jane," she said with concern, "Are you feeling ill?"
I shook my head, "No, darling, I suppose it's just the heat and the work."
"Yes, it would be lovely to be down at the beach today."
"Oh, I suppose the beaches are terribly crowded."
"Not at Cranberry Point." She said, smiling.
"So what are you doing here, then?"
"I came to ask you if you would like to go to the movies tomorrow. They change the billing then, you know? I thought perhaps we could have dinner and go, sort of make an evening out of it."
"Certainly," I said, "The two old spinsters having a night out. Me, I can understand, but a pretty, young girl like you, why they must be screaming for you."
"Who?"
"Why all the young, handsome, virile men down at the beach. With a body like yours...."
Carol didn't smile, "I told you that I only go to Cranberry Beach and there's hardly a soul there. The surf is too rough for most of the summer people, and there's no surfing because of the rocks."
"But if you went to the other beaches...."
"Jane, I really don't need all those young, virile men. I find their company tiresome, their conversation deadly."
"Why talk to them, then?"
"You mean I should just go to bed with them? Use them for a few minutes of satisfaction and then chuck them? Oh, no, I've done all that, I mean, I've known them all before. Jane, the fact is, I can't fuck somebody that I can't talk to. I really have to relate to a person mentally before I can relate to them physically."
"Well, surely, there must be some among the muscle boys that have brains."
"Listen, Jane, I hope you're joking about all this, if not, well, I just don't want to bother with them...."
I looked down into my lap, emotion clouded my eyes and I felt a salty tear run down my cheek.
Carol quickly crossed to me and put her arms around my shoulder, "I'm sorry, Jane, what did I say, I don't understand."
I looked up at her pretty face, tears making my eyes red.
"Do you know that the last time I had a man was when I was nineteen years old?"
She shook her head, "You told me, and you also told me what he did to you, he and his friends. I don't understand how you could want another man after that."
"But what about you? What happened that turned you against men?"
Carol sat down on my desk and sighed, "It's a long, disconnected story, darling. I was never abused like you, not physically. Most of my youth I had no time for dating or for boyfriends, I was too busy dancing. But there were a couple later on.
"The first man who had me was a dancing instructor. He was a lot older than me, we had been working together for years. After class one afternoon he asked me over to his apartment. The moment we got into the door he began to seduce me. I figured that I was old enough to lose my virginity and that he was probably as good as anyone to have it. So I went along with it. I let him fuck me. Oh, he thought he was great, a real accomplished lover he thought he was. I remember that he tongued my asshole, which I had never heard of.
"But I didn't enjoy it, Jane, I didn't feel a thing. Afterwards, he of course asked me if I liked it and I said yes. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
"But somehow, after that, after letting him fuck me, I couldn't respect him. He seemed a bungling fool to me. He wanted to fuck me again, but I put him off, I couldn't stand the thought of his naked body, of his cock."
"But surely you tried other men?"
"Yes, of course, later. I had young men and older men, and they were all disappointing to me. They were all fumbling and foolishness. There was only one that made me feel anything.
"His name was Ben. He was a dancer, too. A beautiful man, a wonderful dancer. We became friends and even took a week's vacation together. It was inevitable that we would end up in bed together. But he was a little different from the others in that I could talk to him.
"I told him that I had never had an orgasm from a man, that of course I could masturbate myself to satisfaction, but no cock had ever set me off. Unlike the others, he didn't say that that was because I had never known a real man, that he proposed to do what the others hadn't been able to do.
"He was very sympathetic and he listened intently to all that I had to say. Then he took my hand and told me a similar story, he said, that he had never been able to make love to a woman, that he was gay.
"I suppose that it was the unthreatening atmosphere that enabled us to enjoy each other's company so much. We came to like each other more and more until finally we did end up in bed together.
"And it was good, Jane, it was. But it was far more a spiritual relationship than a cock and a cunt. We stayed together for some time, and I suppose that I was in love with Ben. But when he met someone new, another man, he left me.
"I wasn't bitter about it, I knew where he was at and I guess I had suspected that that was exactly what would happen in time."
I shook my head, feeling more sorry for Carol than for myself. At that point, I felt very sorry for both of us. It seemed that neither of us had been able to have a satisfactory love affair.
But there were things that I didn't know about Carol, there were things that I didn't know about the world outside of my asexual domain. Things I was going to learn that summer.