Chapter 9
Silently I dressed and left the room. I walked out onto the rocks and sat down. The afternoon sun felt wonderful on my flesh. I felt clean, alive, I was almost happy. I was wishing though, I was wanting to be more than just almost happy. I was wishing that I could dismiss the reality of the recent past and just have this new present, this possible future.
The door to the house opened and soon Paul had joined me on the rocks. I put my head in his lap and he stroked my hair.
He smiled down at me. "This lady here is always sitting off by herself, just like me ... are you like me, Jane, would you like to live apart from the world just as I do?"
I reached up and touched the face above me. "I've lived apart from the world all my life, darling."
He shook his head, "I've been there in that world, and that's why I'm here now, away from it. I know this is the only place I'll ever want to be. You, perhaps you haven't seen enough of it. Perhaps you might want to go back there. I don't know you at all ... ah, not entirely true. After last night, I feel as if my body has known your body forever ... stay with me, Jane, stay with me for a while, for as long as the world permits you."
I sat up, he had offered me a harbor from the storm and I wanted it so bad. But could I take it? "I work," I said. "I'm head Librarian in town."
"What does that matter? Keep your job, go to work each day, but come home to me each night."
I knew that I had to tell him. I had to tell him now, if I didn't then I would never tell him but I would spend my whole life with him nursing a secret that would destroy us both.
I looked steadily into his eyes. "Paul, Paul," I said mournfully, "I know your son Harry so well."
"Harry!" He laughed, "How funny that is. But I suppose it's only logical and I do seem to remember him saying something about working in the library the last time he was here."
"No, Paul, that's not all."
"But what could be the problem, Harry won't mind. Harry would be pleased to see that I had someone...."
"Paul!" I raised my voice frantically, "I've been sleeping with Harry." I had to go on with the whole story, "And not only that, but a young girl named Carol ... the three of us slept together only a couple of nights ago and now, now they must be lovers. The reason I was sitting on the beach like that ... I was left out, lost because they had both abandoned me for each other ... because I was jealous, hateful of myself...."
Paul's face registered a horrible shock.
"Wait, Paul. Listen to me a little. Something terrible happened to me when I was Harry's age, and it made me afraid to love men my age or older. That was why I loved Harry, why I was able to fuck him, and others his age. They were boys who wouldn't hurt me sexually. And Carol was soft and kind and another woman. But it's different now. Now I have known you, and it's all different. I don't need them anymore-I need you and the kind of love you can give."
Paul stood up, his hand went to his head as if there was pain there. "That's the most fantastic thing I have ever heard in all my life. My son! Why did it have to be my son!" Paul turned away from me then.
I stood up and went to him, I touched his arm but he moved away, "No! How could we live with that between us, how could I face Harry knowing that you and he and some other woman had fucked and sucked each other ... anyone else, Jane, would have been all right. I didn't expect that you'd be virginal. No, in fact, that would have made it impossible, you would have wanted the world then ... but my son!"
I sat down on the rocks and cried then. I cried pitifully, I cried as if the whole world was spitting at me and there was nothing else but darkness and death looming before me.
When my hysterics passed and I looked up, Paul was gone and there was only the sound of the wind and the sea beating against the rocks.
I stood up and walked slowly away from the house and the lighthouse, I walked across the beach, tears streaming down my cheek and the wind burning my eyes.
The days passed me by. I went to work, I ate and I slept. Weeks passed and Autumn was soon firmly entrenched in that part of the country. The wind was blowing mournfully all the time.
I was numb. There seemed to be no point in going on, but then there seemed no point in dying either. I didn't allow myself to think about that night under the lighthouse in the little house with Paul Smyth. That was something that wouldn't ever happen again. The man who might have loved me was forever lost to me now.
But my flesh was still alive, still craving other flesh, another thrashing cock. I tried to ignore it, but it haunted me with a promise of pleasure.
And when on one blue-skied beautiful day as I sat at the front desk in the library Harry and Carol walked in, I nearly fell off my seat. It wasn't something I had prepared myself for. I had thought that I would never see either of them again, and now here they both were asking me to come out to lunch with them. They wanted to take me on a picnic. I kept refusing, but they kept insisting, and so I gave in. I left the older librarian in charge of the place and drove off with Harry and Carol in her car.
They sat me in between them and they were warm and kind and slightly apologetic. I didn't say too much. It didn't matter. When we arrived at a secluded section of the beach and they had set up a place in the dunes, we all sat down.
"Well, Jane," said Carol seriously, "I guess maybe you would like to know where we've been since last the three of us were together."
I shrugged. "Not really my business is it?"
Harry slugged me affectionately, "You don't mean that-you know the implications. Carol and I owe you a lot, Jane, and we didn't really mean to hurt you. And don't say we didn't, because we've been guilty for a long time now."
"All right," I said, bitterly, "So you hurt me, but not anymore. Now it doesn't hurt, so you can just go on living your own lives."
Carol moved closer to me. "Jane, Jane, please don't hate us, because we really love you. But we're in love with each other, and I think you can understand that."
"What if I can understand it?"
Harry came closer to me, too. "Listen," he said, "I took Carol out to see my father because I wanted to tell him that we were getting married."
"Getting married? You and Carol? But...."in some strange way I felt glad about Harry and Carol. I felt happy about being responsible for them getting together. The bitterness I felt wasn't anything but resentment at being left out, at not being able to be one of them instead of just me. But it was waning in the warmth of their presence.
"That's right, Jane," Harry went on, but I had this other talk with my father...."
"No!" I screamed.
They both held me and then I started to cry, the numbness that had protected me from the pain inside of my body had disappeared and the loneliness and desperation welled in me. "Oh, no," I cried, "why must I continue to live?"
"Because I love you." The voice said, the warm, rich, wonderful voice said to me. And when I looked up I saw Paul standing there looking down at the three of us, no not at the three of us, but at me and only me. I broke away from Carol and Harry and I rushed into his arms. He held me without reservations.
Then we sat down with Harry and Carol, and Harry went on with what he had to say. "Of course it was a terrible situation at first, and it seemed to Carol and me that we had made both Paul and you unhappy and that we had to try to remedy the situation. It's not going to be easy of course ... but what does it matter? Both Carol and I loved you, why should you, Paul, resent that love? If you have found this woman and feel that you can make it work, why should you let anything prevent it?"
Paul took me in his arms, "Don't let that blather convince you of anything, Jane, the reason I'm here is not because of them, but because after that night I realized that it wouldn't be so easy to walk away from you . ... I've been in pain."
What happened after that was one of the most amazing afternoons in my life. We had lunch and then the four of us fell into lanquid positions with our respective lovers. If things got a little carried away, then so what?
It wasn't long before Paul's hand had found my breast and he was searching for my nipples. Stirrings of lust began between my legs and spread throughout my flesh. How I wanted him, it was almost too good to be true. Everything out in the open and now this. I glanced at Harry and Carol and saw that they were locked in a passionate kiss and their hands were traveling all over their bodies.
Meanwhile Paul was really giving my tits a work out, fondling, caressing, pinching and generally stimulating the shit out of me.
I reached down between his legs and began to fondle that wonderful bulge between them. Oh, so hard, so stiff, so wonderful. I ached to have it in my mouth. Suddenly it didn't matter what had happened in those weeks, it also didn't matter that Harry and Carol were right there with us.
They certainly would not have minded, they were too busy clutching at each other. Harry's hand was already between Carol's spreading legs and I knew that he was fondling her cuntlips as he did so well. I knew that Carol was creaming all over his hand and was anxious for things to get really out of hands and into cocks and cunts.
Paul seemed to take the cue and his hand left my tits and slipped down my stomach to go up my skirt. He found his mark right away and he stroked and petted my cunt like it was a purring pussycat.
Well, I could have purred for the happiness and desire that was spreading throughout my veins and capturing the attention of my brain. My hand worked up and down the length of his cock and I touched the head of his prick and flicked the piss slit. I loved the feel of it in my palm, it was almost too big to be true.
Meanwhile Harry had laid Carol down in the sand and his hands were still working furiously on stimulating her cunt to the utmost. Carol was already squirming around in the sand like a snake and making noises like a dying bird. Paul took another cue from them and stretched me out lengthwise in the sand. Now the two men began to undress us, slowly, breathing hard. I noticed that Harry's cock, too, was exposed and it was brightly inflamed and stiff as a piece of driftwood.
They climbed on top of us then and the weight of their bodies covered ours. I clutched Paul around his back as his cock sought entry into my waiting pussy. How good it felt. I sighed with relief, with blessed relief as his cock slid all the way up to the hilt of my cunt and his balls and he filled me and filled me and filled me.
I squinted at the sun as he began to fuck me, going at my cunt from all sides, left and right and up and down, his eyes open and looking into my eyes as he humped the shit out of me.
I arched my back in the sand and then I happened to look over at Harry and Carol, they were doing exactly the same thing, Harry was plunging in and out of Carol very slowly and I thrilled to see his lovely young body and his flaming cock entering her body.
Carol looked at me and she held out one hand. I held out mine and we held our hands tightly together as our men pounded into our flesh, filling our bodies with their raging mastheads.
Slowly Carol and I maneuvered closer together so that the four of us were fucking all together practically in a pile. Carol and I were so close that we could kiss each other and we did.
Our mouths met as the cocks met our cunts and the juices of all our bodies were flowing together. Carol's tongue intertwined with mine and Harry reached over underneath Paul and me and he clasped my breast with one hand.
And the four of us fucked on and on into the afternoon, passion and hunger running high as the tide finally. But there was something else that made this miniature orgy so wonderful. It was the sense that it was something more than temporal, something approaching permanency in a world of shifting relationships and feelings.
The intensity of our bodies seemed to exist even after the glorious release that we all approached together, it seemed to gather strength from each orgasm and promise us an ecstasy that would last a lifetime.