Case History 2
Subject: Cindy S. Age: Seventeen
INTERVIEW ONE
Cindy is a lovely and intelligent girl. She came to me on recommendation of her guidance counselor at school. A high school senior, Cindy had a terrible experience with someone from another school. The man had tricked her into coming with him to a deserted part of the school that Cindy was visiting. There he performed the act that shocked this bright girl.
Though Cindy did not tell her parents at first, she did see her guidance counselor and he suggested that she see me. She could not decide what to do. She was afraid to go to the police for fear that her parents would find out. For some reason that was not immediately apparent, she was afraid to let them know. She would not indicate whether it was their rejection or their condemnation she feared most. I did not probe this in the first interview, since I did not want to hurry her.
When she loosened up somewhat, Cindy was able to tell me somewhat of the incident that ocurred in the deserted debating arena. She tells the story in her own words.
I understand that I should have gone to someone before this time. I suppose that no one will believe me now. My body has healed and this person would never be a suspect of anything like that. I don't know what to do. My counselor suggested that I speak with you. He seems to think very highly of you, and I respect his judgment. I certainly hope that you can help me. I haven't been able to sleep or even to think straight since this happened.
I suppose that I should tell you what happened from the very beginning, but I have to admit, that, at this point, some of the details are getting fuzzy. I guess that I want to forget, and I won't deny that. But all of a sudden, something that was clear, or I think was clear yesterday, is fuzzy today.
What I really mean is that the details of why I actually went with this man to the room. I don't remember, really what excuse he used to get me there. I think that he told me that was where everyone would be giving the speeches and that I could practice before everyone found out about it. I remember that I wanted to win this speech contest very much. I enjoy public speaking, and hope to go into the theater after college. I spend most of my time writing and then polishing the speech that is to be given the next contest. I am always ready long before the deadline. I know other kids who wait for the last minute, and then they drive themselves and everyone else crazy with their frantic practicing.
This contest had been announced only a short time ago, since they had to make up one contest after a snow storm cancelled one entirely. No one could schedule the kind of hall that was needed for such a contest, and finally, the school just called it off. They said that some other arrangements would be made, and everyone would be informed.
Well, finally, this contest was announced, and to give everyone a fair chance, they said, the topics were changed and everyone would start fresh. You see, there had been some semi-finals done on this contest, and they had to rule out those performances. So, I worked night and day on this contest theme, and I felt as though I wasn't ready just yet. I wrote the speech and wasn't happy with it. I tried it out on my family and they weren't as enthusiastic as they usually are.
But there wasn't much time at all, and the day for the first competition arrived. The school wasn't able to get a hall again, but this time, they had to settle for a large school auditorium. I got there really early, and figured that I could practice the speech in the hall. That's always the best way, you see. In that way, you can get an idea of where to look and how loudly to speak. It isn't considered the nicest way to handle a contest, but I was truly afraid that I wouldn't win this one. And I wanted to.
So, when I got there that Saturday morning, it was very early and no one else had arrived yet. I was pleased, since I would be alone to practice. It's not the greatest idea to have too many witnesses to something like that. If someone saw it, they could make things unpleasant for you. Anyway, I started to speak, when all of a sudden I noticed someone way in the back of the auditorium. I thought it was one of the other contestants, but he came up to the stage, to see what I was doing. As he approached me, I got scared ,thinking that he was one of the judges, and he would disqualify me for cheating. I was scared beyond belief. I can't say why. I suppose it might be the fact that I felt that what I was doing was wrong.
When this man got to the front of the auditorium, he came up to the stage, and just stood there, watching me. I almost stopped speaking, but he didn't say anything. I did part of my speech, but, finally, I didn't have the nerve to go on. I was convinced that he was one of the officials and was just letting me hang myself. I hadn't gotten a good look at him, since I was nervous and was concentrating on some notes in front of me. But, when I did stop, and walked to the steps of the stage, he clapped and smiled at me.
"That was very nice, miss. I guess you'll be one of the finalists of today's contest. You're pretty enough to take this just with your looks."
I must have blushed, because he apologized for being so forward. I just stammered something I guess. It was only then that I took a look at him. He was about fifty years old, and he was dressed nicely. He just had to be one of the judges. Suddenly, a terrible thought hit me. Suppose he was one of the judges. Why shouldn't he vote for me if he liked me. Why shouldn't I be nice to him? Being nice to a person can't hurt.
Somehow, I found the voice to talk to him. I mentioned the contest that had been cancelled, and he made some comment about that being too bad, for he would have liked to have met me sooner. I was very flattered, and got bolder in my questioning and conversation.
"Are you one of the judges of this contest?"
"Well, yes and no. I am an honorary judge. I am principal of this school. I usually have to sit in on these sessions. But it seems as though I may be pleasantly surprised today. I must admit that most of these things are pretty boring, but sometimes, very infrequently, if I might add, someone comes along. She's pretty, and she is talented. You have such presence. I can see it right away. You'll do well in this contest."
I thanked him, but he was about to continue.
"Well, if I had the final say, I would want you to win. You're an exceptional girl. I was enjoying that speech when I came in. I'm sorry you stopped." "Well, I really shouldn't be practicing here. It's not quite right. I could be disqualified for this, if someone pressed the issue."
I must admit that I thought I might get on his good side. I thought that honesty would be the only way to get to him. He seemed agreeable enough, anyway. This time, I looked more closely and he wasn't all that bad looking. He still looked old, but he was dressed very nicely, and I was more flattered by his words than I cared to admit. I must have actually thought that he could make me win the contest if he wanted it that way.
I usually wear a conservative dress to these contests, since I feel that it's the best approach. I remember seeing a girl dressed in a mini skirt. She was really cute and all the judges were looking at her. Her voice wasn't that good, though, and her speech was more serious than her dress. She looked foolish. I was glad when she didn't win. So I made sure that I always keyed my dress to the speech. This contest today involved the saving of wild animals, and since I considered that a serious topic, I felt that a conservative dress would be the best, anyway.
I had chosen a pale blue shirt dress that buttoned down the front. I have a nice figure, I think, and it just looked nice. I wasn't aware that it was too anything. It was just the right length, knee-length, and my shoes had just the right heel on them. Shoes that are too casual just kill a dress, so I wore pumps that looked very sophisticated.
Well, the reason for telling you this about my dress, was that, suddenly, I was very conscious of my body. I started fingering my collar and wondering what I looked like. On stage, my skirt must have looked shorter than it was and I suddenly felt as though I had no clothes on. I wanted to look pretty and attractive, but wasn't able to feel confident about it.
When I caught this man looking at my breasts, I blushed so much, I could feel the heat in my cheeks. I have always thought of my talent as the most important thing. I try not to let my looks interfere with that talent, but I never used them to enhance that talent and my chances at winning. Suddenly, that thought too, came racing through my mind. I felt excited that it might be an easy contest.
I have always noticed that there are pretty girls in this area of competition, but more often than not, they aren't very good at speaking or writing the speeches. I never even bothered to consider that aspect of the competition. The girls that I usually lost to were very intelligent, but not attractive. In that respect, there was little competition. I was good. I usually came in as a runner-up or second place.
Today, I figured that I might use that advantage to win. If this man liked me, that might make the difference. I knew that I was good. There might be better here, today, but at least I would have a much better chance if he liked me. For the first time in my life, I decided to be friendly with a calculated reason behind the friendship.
"I don't mean to sound silly, but I don't think I have ever spoken with a school principal before. Is this entire responsibility really yours? How do you manage to handle it?"
"Well, I do have help, but I am flattered to be someone you enjoy meeting. That's very flattering to me young lady. What is your name?"
"Cindy. I'm from the other end of the town. Our school isn't half this big. It's almost overwhelming. Just how many classrooms are there in this building?"
"So very many. Cindy, my name is Mr. Wendler, Terrance Wendler. I am very happy to make your acquaintance. It isn't that often that a fair maid such as you passes though the halls of this school. Most of the girls are cute, but few are as mature and lovely as you."
There was at least two hours before the contest would begin, and I really knew my speech, so I decided to spend some more time with this man. We sat and chatted for a while, then he asked me if I drank coffee. I said that I did, and he invited me to have a cup in his office. I was very flattered to have coffee in the principal's private office, and of course, I said yes.
When we got there, it wasn't as large as I had thought it might be. It was okay, and the school was so quiet yet, that everything looked strange and foreign. I wasn't looking for anything except to get him to like me and help me win the contest. I was willing, you understand, to do my part. I knew that I was good, but I had never won a contest. I wanted to win first prize.
He asked me about my plans for college, and we talked of the school that I wanted to go to. I have been accepted by two schools, so far, and I haven't made up my mind yet as to which I want to go to. It's still up in the air. But, anyway, we talked about this one school, and he said that he knew some of the professors there. He said that it was a fine school, and then we started to talk about other things. General talk. About kids today, and-what they expected from life. I felt terribly flattered again, to be talking about such things with the principal of the school.
The coffee was okay. I don't actually like that much coffee, but I drank it just the same. He was calling me by my first name and just before it was time to go, he asked me to call him Terrance. Fie explained that he never allowed students to call him by that name, nor many colleague, but that he felt as though I were a friend. It was a wonderful feeling to hear those words, and I was embarrassed and happy at the same time when I left the office.
"Cindy, I will watch your speech from the upper balcony. Then, after you have finished, come on up here. We can talk some more until the rest of this is over. It can be pretty dreadful, sitting through the whole thing. We can watch it from up there, if you like, or perhaps, have some lunch."
I felt wonderful during the time before my speech. I was about the fifth person to speak. There were some fifty-five contestants. It would he hours before they were all finished. There would be a break for lunch and then the balance of the contestants would speak. It was the most boring part of the whole affair. I loved being a senior, finally, and speaking first. The poor kids who speak in the afternoon have to listen to all those before them, and they almost forget their own speeches. It can knock the confidence of a freshman to hear all the seniors speaking.
When it was my turn, I got up on the stage and looked for Mr. Wendler. He was in the balcony, just as he said that he would be, and I felt very confident. I spoke and I was sure that I would win. I finished, and was about to sneak out of the room when I heard the next girl. Her voice was one of those wonderful ones that you have to admire. I knew in my heart that she was better than me. I felt an awful sinking feeling.
I stayed for most of the speech, but towards the end, I couldn't help the jealousy that was welling up inside me, and I just walked out. I went directly to Mr. Wendler's office and he was very enthusiastic about my speech.
"You were wonderful, Cindy. I can't see any reason why you wouldn't win this contest."
"Didn't you see the girl behind me? She's fantastic!"
The moment I said it, I regretted it. Maybe he hadn't seen her. He wouldn't even want her to win. But I had to open my big mouth, and point her out.
"Oh, Cindy, That girl is very good, but she hasn't got a chance against you if I want you to win."
"I wanted to ask him right then, "Do you want me to win?"
But the words weren't necessary. Terrance came over to me and planted a kiss on my cheek. I was dumbfounded. He kissed my cheek, and congratulated me on winning the contest.
"You're the girl I want to see with the trophy. And, isn't there a chance to win a scholarship if you win this contest. You get to enter a nationwide contest. That's pretty important, I would think."
I hadn't thought about that scholarship. My parents would pay for my education, but they could only afford a middle school. They could not afford a very expensive, status college. Then, I realized that maybe, with the scholarship, I would be able to afford those colleges that I wanted, but wouldn't admit to wanting even to myself. All of a sudden, the contest took on so much importance. I had to win.
"Why don't we have some lunch? Would you like to go out and have some? I know a very nice restaurant near here."
I thought that I must not be seen with Mr. Wendler. That might make someone suspicious.
"No, can you have someone bring it in? I just love your office. Maybe you could show me some more of the school."
"That is a wonderful idea, Cindy. There's so much to show you. Really, there's so much to show you. And I would love to be the one."
He was looking at me in a funny way, but I shook it off and talked about some other things in the school. There was a dark room in the school, and one of my hobbies was photography.
"Could you show me the dark room and the exhibit of all the pictures. I appreciate that since I'm very much into that."
"Anything you want, will be my pleasure."
After that, Terrance came over and sat by me on the couch. He put his hand in back of me, on the couch, but never touched me...I didn't mind that. We talked and I crossed my legs. My dress went up and I went to pull it down, but he stopped me.
"Just let me look at those legs for a minute. They really are quite beautiful. I would love to see all of them someday."
I didn't say anything, but pulled my dress down, and looked away. Mr. Wendler started a conversation about something else, entirely, just then, and never mentioned my legs again. He sent for lunch and we went to look at the dark room that I wanted to see. The halls were so big and quiet. Not all the lights were on, since it was a weekend, and there were some very bad shadows. If I had been alone, I would have been a bit scared.
"It really is very dim around here. I guess the conservation of lights is the reason."
"But, surely, my girl. There is no reason to have the lights burn when no one is using them. If you are uneasy, I will see if I can turn some of them on."
I protested that it wasn't necessary.
"Are you anxious or frightened about something?"
"No, not at all."
"Really, Cindy, I'm here with you. Nothing is going to happen to you while I am with you."
I did feel very foolish, then, making silly noises. I changed the subject, and he told me about all the awards that his students had won for the past year. He said that one of his male students had a way with a camera that would make him famous someday. A real talent.
We turned in and a room lettered "Dark Room" came up in front of us. Terrence opened the door for me, and then put the light on. It was a huge place! There was so much equipment that I wanted to see and touch. I spent some time in there just touching some of the sophisticated machinery, when Terrence asked me if I would want to try out some of it.
"Well of course, but I don't happen to have any exposed film with me."
"We run our own developing service here for the students. They bring in their film, in the same way that they would bring it to a store. We process it here. Right over here. Here's some film that has to be processed. Do you know how to use the equipment?"
"Well of course. But I'm not dressed for this."
"Here's an apron. The place is yours. Go ahead."
I hurried to put the apron on, and then I took the film that had to be processed. I prepared the solution, that was in the bath, and finally, all I needed was the dark to develop the negative.
"Would you shut the lights off, Terrence?"
"With pleasure, Cindy."
I took off my jewelry and started to plunge the negatives in the solution. The lights were off and all I could hear was the rustling of Terrance doing something and the picture swishing through the liquid. Suddenly, I felt Terrance very close to me. There was something hard pressing into my leg. and then into my buttocks. I didn't know what it was, so I didn't say anything, but when Terrence started rubbing himself against me, I realized what that hard thing was. He had his penis out and was rubbing it against me. I wanted to run, but that would mean the contest. I had to be nice to him.
"Mr. Wendler, please don't do that. I really do want to develop these pictures and I don't want to get into anything else. Please."
"Just a little bit of contact, Cindy. I promise you that it won't be any more than that."
Then he rubbed his cock against my thighs and up towards my crack in behind. I had underclothes on, but I didn't know what to do. He wasn't actually molesting me. He wasn't raping me. And I did want to win that contest. I didn't try to stop him when he did that and as I developed the picture, I was aware of every move that he made. The thought of being here in the school's dark room with the principal making advances towards me was flattering, if misguided joy. I didn't want to prolong it, though, and I went, myself, to switch on the lights.
I made no mention of the incident. I talked about the picture and the room, itself. I wanted to use some of the other machinery, but I was sure that lunch was ready and I didn't know how to handle the situation. We went back to his office, and the lunch was already there. I talked about other things, but the only thing I could think of was the contest. I wanted to say that I had won a contest. It might mean a scholarship, if I was good enough. And I wanted to beat that other girl who spoke after I did.
"Cindy, I hope you won't be angry with me for what happened back in the dark room. Are you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing happened, did it?"
This was the only way that I knew how to handle the situation. Terrance seemed to accept the fact that I didn't mind, or at least wouldn't tell anyone, and we had lunch. They had brought up sandwiches, and soda, and I ate with an amazing appetite. I couldn't remember being so hungry. We finished lunch and I was anxious to be back in the hall, listening to the contestants.
Terrance, however, wanted to show me something else. After lunch, I like to relax a bit. But, he wanted to go to the lounge. I was impressed. I had never been in a teacher's lounge. Terrance led the way and we went around several corners in the huge building before we got to the right door. It was very quiet. There were two sets of doors within the lounge. One said Female and the other said Male.
"I'm used to the Male lounge, if you don't mind. It's perfectly alright to bring guests into the lounge."
I went in and was happily surprised that the place was nicely furnished. It was bright in there, for there were windows in the room. The outer room had none. We sat down on the couch, and then Terrance got up and got some liquor out of a cabinet. He had two glasses in his hand.
"This is one of the privileges of being principal. I like to have some to relax me. Especially before making such important decisions like this contest. Will you join me?"
"I don't drink much at all, Terrance. Why don't you have some? I won't mind."
"No, you have just a drop, to be sociable. You don't have to drink the entire glass."
I figured the best way to handle this would be to take the glass and then not drink any of it. I could hold the glass. That way, he wouldn't be angry with me, and I wouldn't have to drink it. He drank a lot right away, and then, he came over to the chair where I was sitting...He put his hand on my lap. Right there.
INTERVIEW TWO
That first interview ended because Cindy began to cry. She refused to say anymore that day, and I decided not to push her into something that was extremely uncomfortable for her. When she came for her second appointment, she did not seem as upset as the first time. We had little problem getting into the details of the actual scene that traumatized her.
Once we were in the teacher's lounge, and he had some whiskey to drink, there was little
I could do to stop him. He forced me to drink some of the liquor in my glass. Well, when I say forced, I mean that he told me it would be very unfriendly if I didn't have a sip and he would think that I didn't like him. So, I drank a little bit of the stuff. I tasted like something awful, but I managed to get it down.
As I was sitting with the drink in my hand, Terrance came over to me and while he was sitting next to me, he put his hand in my lap. He put it right between my legs. I didn't know what to do, and I tried to brush his hand away. As I did that, the whiskey in my glass spilled and got all over my dress. The smell was terrible. I thought that I would get sick.
"Oh, isn't that terrible! You poor thing. You can't go back to the contest looking like that. Why don't you take your dress off and wash out the spot. There's still a good hour before the contestants finish. Go on. I'll help you with it."
Terrance started to undress me, and though I started to resist him, he undid the buttons without pausing. I was startled from the drink and from the things that were happening. I didn't want to get undressed in front of Mr. Wendler. He was nice, but not that nice. I just didn't want this to happen. All of a sudden, the contest didn't seem that important. I started to pull my dress back on and then
Terrance just stopped me;
"Cindy, this isn't very nice. Where are you going?"
"Mr. Wendler, I don't care about the contest. I just want to go home. I really only want to go home."
"Cindy, you don't understand the situation. Even if you don't win the contest, there's still school to think of. Why don't you be nice to me? There's nothing to gain from being mean and unfriendly, is there?"
I sank back on the chair and Terrance pulled my dress off entirely. I was wearing a bra and a half slip. He pulled the rest off and I was sitting there in my bra and my panties. I felt so stupid sitting there. He was still fully dressed. I just didn't know what to do. I thought about screaming, but what would happen. I was in the men's teacher's lounge, with whiskey spilled on my dress and some on my breath .Why had I spent the day with him? Why wasn't I with the rest of the contestants. And now, he said something about school.
"You have such a nice body, Cindy. I just want to look at it. You come over here and stretch out on this couch. I want to look at that young body."
I went over to the couch and lay full length on it. Terrance stood back and looked at me as I did this. Then he came over and pulled at my panties. I held onto them, but he just looked at me and I let go. I can't say why. Next, he was at my bra, and in a moment, I was completely naked. I felt so stupid lying there, naked on the leather couch.
Terrance walked over to look at me again. He walked back and forth along the couch and looked, and I was embarrassed. I wasn't a virgin, but I had only been with one boy. I had never let him see me naked, either. We had done it in the dark and I hadn't seen him for weeks after that because I was so embarrassed. Now, I was naked in front of a man I didn't really know.
Then he started to do things that really felt strange. He was still dressed, but he was excited. I could see the bulge in his pants. He came over and put his finger into my pussy and rubbed it up and down. He rubbed hard, and the sensation was strange. I was jerking my body from the intensity of the pressure of his hand. As I jumped, he laughed and then asked me to turn over. I had no idea what he was about to do.
I heard a package being opened, and then, I felt something very cold on my bottom. I felt something greasy on my ass and then there was something in my asshole! I shrieked as his finger went far up into my anal passage. He just rubbed that finger in and out of me, very surely. He did it slowly at first, and then he increased the speed of his motions.
"This is the part of you that I want. I love to feel a nice, sweet, innocent asshole. You are a virgin here, aren't you?"
I didn't answer at first, and then Terrance asked me something else.
"What I mean, is that has anyone shoved a huge cock up inside there?"
I got scared then.
"No, no! Please don't do that to me! I'm afraid! Don't please!"
Terrence just laughed and kept pushing his finger into my asshole.
"Okay, let's get this started. I can feel my cock bursting with desire for your sweet asshole. Drape yourself over the arm of the couch. Here, I'll put some cushions underneath your little ass for height, and also your hips you so you can support yourself when I push into you."
He arranged the couch so that the cushions were piled up at one end, and I was over the arm of the couch. My ass was sticking up in the air and I was scared. But there was something else happening inside me. I was getting excited by the feelings he produced in my ass. No one had ever done that to me before. The feeling was completely new to me. And I liked it.
Just then, while I was thinking about this, Terrance opened his pants and took out his cock. He put some of the cream on it, and then he came at me. I felt a sharp pain, and screamed.
"Please, Don't do this to me! Oh!"
I found the strength to struggle and I pulled away from the couch and from his cock. The whole episode seemed unreal! This just couldn't be happening here in a school that I had come to.
"Come here, you little bitch!"
Mr. Wendler was drunk and he was getting rough. He caught me before I got very far and threw me to the floor. I fell and stayed there, crying. He threw himself on top of me, and pulled his trousers down, Then he pushed me onto my stomach and forced my body flat under his.
"Listen, my little pretty miss. If you say anything to anyone about this, I'll have you thrown out of school! No one will believe you. What are you doing up here with me. I'll tell them that you started this whole thing, and I threw you out before you could get anywhere. Who do you think they will believe?"
The picture had suddenly changed. He was threatening to have me expelled. That would mean that I couldn't go to college. That would mean that my whole life would be ruined!
What could I do? I lay still underneath him, biting my lips. He pushed at me with his cock, and this time, he didn't stop, no matter how much I squirmed and shrieked. I closed my eyes when I felt the huge cock hit at my ass and push its way through.
Terrance picked me up under the middle and forced my ass up into the air. As he did this, his cock slipped into the hole and went all the way up my ass. There was cream on me and on his cock, but that couldn't stop the pain from racing across my brain. The stretching was bad, very bad.
There was no use in struggling, but I couldn't help squirming around. That hot pole up my ass was driving me crazy and I couldn't stay still. But every time that I moved, the cock only went further up. Terrance was grunting now, thrusting his cock in and out of my hole. Then did something that changed everything. With the hand underneath me, he grabbed at my pussy. He made a stab at my clitoris and then began to rub it. I started to feel the pleasant sensation and then my whole body started to relax.
The pain in my ass wasn't that bad, and I began to move against his hand. I felt trapped in the situation and I wanted to enjoy the feelings running through my body. I rubbed my pussy into his hand as much as I could. I could feel the thick cock throbbing in my ass and even that started to excite me. I almost enjoyed the sensation of the cock in there.
Terrance sensed the change in me and started to stroke more slowly.
"Hah! You're beginning to enjoy this little tryst! Doesn't that feel good in your ass? I know that I have a good cock for ass-fucking. I love to shove it up there. Especially in virgin asses."
"I just feel you hand on my pussy, and that makes it so much better. Yes, I almost feel good about all of this."
Then Terrance got very good about the whole thing. He managed to get one finger into my vagina and frigged me that way while rubbing my. clit, too. I began to feel as though I could come. I felt wild. I didn't want this, and yet I wanted it terribly. I needed it. I began to enjoy the cock in my ass. Really. But then, I started to come, and I couldn't think about anything else. I felt the world explode inside me and my pussy squeezed together making me move wildly.
As I started to move, I must have done something to Terrance, cause he started to grunt and jerk his cock in and out of me very fast and then, I felt a hot gush of something up my ass. I was surprised at how hot it was. I had never felt a guy come inside me, ever.
Both times I had been with that boy, he had used something and I didn't get any of it on me. This was so different.
"Oh, you hot little bitch? What an asshole! Rock it over me! Make that cock pour it out for you!"
I felt completely degraded and I writhed on the floor while he shot his come up my ass. I finished my own orgasm and then we lay together. He pulled out of my ass and then he lay there, close to me for a moment. When he opened his eyes, he was less drunk. He zipped his pants and almost seemed embarrassed to see me this way. There was that white stuff all over my ass and my legs. And when I got up, it ran down my legs.
I got to the women's bathroom, and I fixed myself up. I was pretty numb from the whole thing. When I got back to the lounge, there was a note from Terrence saying that he was sorry for the accident that I had with my dress and that he would make sure that I was compensated for it. I went right home after that, but found out when I got to school on Monday, that I had won the contest.
I was so happy, and my whole school was so thrilled that I didn't know what to do about the whole thing. I just didn't do anything. I suppose that was wrong. But I didn't know what to do. My parents were so proud of me and everything. Now, I even have a chance to get a scholarship. How could something so terrible bring such good things?
Then, there is the fact that I wanted to impress him and use his friendship in a way that was wrong. And, viewing the act, I did enjoy part of it. At the very last, when he was coming, I came, too. I guess that I can't blame him completely for this. He never held me down with his body, but I was afraid for my future. Doctor, I just don't know what to do.