Chapter 2
Boy Learns From Man
Gary M. is a young man of 22 who was directed by the courts to undergo psychiatric counseling after being arrested on charges of disturbing the peace and committing an act of indecent exposure. Gary's legal situation is seen in a somewhat different light, however, when the circumstances of his arrest are made known.
At the time of Gary's arrest, 19 other individuals-all mate-were also taken into custody. Gary was only one member of the "party" that was going on at the apartment of a friend who lived in one of the Southern California beach communities. Police answered the call of neighbors who reported that groups of young men were "running up and down the street without a stitch of clothes on, and going in and out of an apartment where the music is so loud no one around here can get any sleep."
Police had arrived to find several people extremely intoxicated, some of whom were entirely nude. In addition, police had confiscated a quantity of illegal drugs at the residence. Although drugs and liquor were apparently being used with great abandon, the common bond that appeared to hold the party guests together was the fact that all were men-in other words, a homosexual orgy had been taking place, and the liquor and drugs were only a secondary interest.
Gary M. agreed to an in-depth psychiatric interview, he stated, for two reasons. One was to have his homosexual feelings examined by a qualified professional person in the hope of gaining a useful insight into his own personality. The other reason was that he felt, rightly or wrongly, that he might fare better at his trial if he demonstrated cooperation with authorities.
Gary M. is a clean-cut young man with coal black hair and a muscular build. He does not affect "feminine mannerisms" nor does he wear feminine attire. In this respect he must not be taken to represent only a small percentage of the homosexual population, however, because it has been established that the majority of practicing homosexuals do not appear any different from their heterosexual brothers. The difference lies rather in their erotic desires and in their preferences of sexual partners.
Gary reported that he believes his childhood was not radically different from that of most heterosexual men. At the age of 14, however, he had his first sexual climax with another person-and this person was not a young teen-aged girlfriend, but instead, a 28-year-old man.
Gary was assured that he should have no compunction about giving every detail of his early sex life that he could recall. When he understood that this was necessary, he began his story.
"Like I said," Gary began, "I didn't have sex with another person 'til I was 14. But I sure did think a lot about it before then, I can tell you!
"When I was about 10 I used to play around with a little girl who lived next door. Once when no one was home at her house, she told me to come on over and we could do anything we wanted. I didn't quite know what she meant, but I went on over, anyway. When I got there she was sitting on the bed in her room wearing the kind of short little dress that most girls of her age wear.
"Right away she asked me, 'Do you know what your mom and dad do when they're in their bedroom where you can't see them?' I'd never thought much about it before, so I told her that I didn't know what they did. She said, 'Well I know what mine do because I saw them doing it when they didn't know I could see them. And I bet yours do the same thing.'
"Her eyes were drilling into mine then, and she said to me 'I'll show you what it is if you're not afraid. We can do it ourselves.' When she mentioned the possibility that I might be afraid, it kind of made me sore. I was curious about what she was talking about, but I didn't want any part of it if she was going to be so smart about it. I told her so. She jumped up and told me to get out of her house if I wouldn't do what she wanted. And as I went out the door she yelled 'you'll be sorry!' I didn't know what she meant until the next day.
"She told her parents that I had come over and tried to get her to take her panties off while they were gone. They were furious. When they told my parents about it, I got the beating of my life. What was so bad about it was that I was completely innocent. But I couldn't make my parents believe me.
At this point Gary seemed very bitter as he said, "Maybe that's when I started being leery of girls. I don't know. But I do know that ever since then I've had the feeling that I was bound to get into some kind of trouble if I had anything to do with them." Gary seemed almost openly hostile then, as he shouted, "You can't trust them. You can't trust them at all. I know I'll never trust a woman as long as I live!"
"Until I was about 14," Gary went on, "I was pretty much afraid of anything that involved sex. Sometimes in the morning I'd wake up with a hard on, but whenever it happened I was very embarrassed and confused. It felt kind of good, but it made me feel guilty and bad. I always lay in bed until my penis got soft again, because I imagined that if my parents knew about it, I'd be in for big trouble.
"Then, when I was 14, my parents sent me to camp for the first time. None of my schoolmates went to the same camp, so I felt free and began to have a really good time hiking, horseback riding and swimming. It was during my swimming class that I first met Doug. Right away he insisted that I-as well as everybody else-should call him by his first name. He was very friendly and put all the guys at ease whenever he was with us.
"Another thing that made me feel very good being at camp was the fact that it was a boys' camp. There were no girls anywhere except for a few old women who worked in the kitchen. It was great."
When Gary began to speak of his activities at camp, his conversation seemed to wander. He was reminded that what was needed from him were the details of his sexual experience, not the routine details of his everyday life at camp.
"Well, I've already mentioned Doug, my swimming teacher, and how nice he was. He was a kind of hero around camp because he was so nice to us kids, and because everyone knew about all the big swimming prizes he had won. I think he had been some kind of Olympic champion or something. And he really looked the part. He was 28-years-old and was in terrific shape. He used to run a lot and every morning we'd see him doing exercises out in front of his cabin.
"In addition to being swimming counselor, Doug was also the leader of a group of campers. Each counselor was in charge of about 15 boys-sort of a scoutmaster. All the new boys were assigned to one of the groups after being in the camp one week. When I found out I had been assigned to Doug's group, I was really happy about it. I was told to move all my belongings into a cabin in Doug's area of the camp, and that my cabin-mates would be two boys my age named Cliff and Harold.
"My first night in the new cabin was a night I'll never forget. I was lying in bed about to go to sleep when I heard my new cabin-mates come in. Cliff and Harold had both been on an evening hike and I'd been told to just go ahead and go to sleep, that I'd be introduced to them in the morning. When I heard the door open I knew they must have returned earlier than they had planned. I started to get up and meet them, but then I heard one of them say, 'I hope the new guy's asleep, Cliff. He might not be in on our scene yet'
"I couldn't imagine what kind of 'scene' they were talking about, but I thought I'd best pretend I was sleeping in order to find out what was going on. Then I heard the other boy coming over to my bed, so I kept my eyes closed and even started breathing deeper so they would be sure to think I was asleep. The other boy came right up to the head of my bed and bent down over me.
"Then he whispered, 'It's okay, Harold. He's sleeping like a log.' Harold whispered back excitedly, 'Well, what are you waiting for, then. Come on over and let's get in bed.' But Cliff said, 'Come over here if you want to see some thing. This new kid forgot to cover himself up.' I squinted one eye open slightly so they couldn't tell I was awake and saw that Cliff had a flashlight shining on me. And the beam was focused right on my shorts. Then Harold came over to my bed and stood beside Cliff. They were both staring at the bulge in my shorts.
"Harold said, 'Yeah, he might be hung pretty well. Too bad his peter isn't out where we can see it.' I remember that I was both embarrassed and kind of scared to hear them talk like this, because I'd never been around any boys before who acted like they were acting. Cliff said, 'Don't worry, Harold ,if he's around here long we'll get to see what it looks like. But leave him alone for now. If it's peters you're interested in, you can see mine right now. He's asleep. He'll never know it if we play our little game.' Then they both went over to one of the beds and sat down on it They had turned off the flashlight, so they couldn't see me anymore, but the moon was shining right through a window over Harold's bed, so I could see them easily.
"I was becoming more amazed by the minute. I had no idea what kind of game they had been referring to, but they were apparently going to go on with it right before my eyes if I kept quiet enough. I raised up on my elbow in the dark to get a better view. Harold was lying down with his shorts down around his knees and Cliff was sitting on the bed facing him. I could hear them talking in low voices, but not well enough to understand what they were saying. Once in a while they would giggle. I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw what happened next. Cliff reached over and started touching Harold's penis with his hand. He seemed to be kind of teasing Harold, because he would rub Harold's penis for a little while, then he would stop and they would start whispering to each other.
"Next I saw Harold reach up and start pulling Cliff's shorts down. As he did this I saw that Cliff's penis had swollen up like Harold's was. Both their penises were straight and hard, like mine had been some mornings when I woke up at home. As I watched them I saw that Harold was beginning to work his hand up and down Cliff's penis faster and faster, and that Cliff was doing the same thing to Harold. I was fascinated. I had never seen anything like it. Then I began to notice something else. My own penis was getting hard like theirs! It felt good for it to get hard, but it also made me feel ashamed, like it had when I used to wake up at home with a hard penis and be afraid that my parents would find out and punish me.
"Soon Harold and Cliff were rubbing each other's penis like mad, going faster and faster. In just a little while I heard Cliff's voice clearly. He gasped, 'I'm coming Harold, I'm coming. Do it faster, oh, do it faster!' He had been trying to keep his voice down to keep from waking me up, but I guess he was so excited that he had completely lost control. I looked down into my own shorts and saw that my penis was red and hard, and as I looked back onto their bed, my penis actually began to throb. Cliff had made a little noise in his throat and was lying beside Harold. All his attention seemed to be riveted on Harold's penis. He was jerking his hand up and down on Harold's penis as fast as he could, and Harold seemed to be in ecstasy. I couldn't make out what Harold was saying, but finally he made a whimpering sound and I saw some white liquid shoot out of his penis and go off the bed and onto the floor.
"Then they whispered together a little more, and finally Cliff got up and went to his own bed. It seemed like their little game was over, but I stayed awake for a long time unable to go to sleep. I kept thinking about what Harold and Cliff had been doing until I finally drifted off into sleep. But I had dreams all night about seeing Cliff's hand jerking up and down around Harold's penis.
"The next morning when we woke up, we introduced ourselves and Cliff said, 'Say, Harold and I didn't wake you up last night when we came in, did we?' And I quickly said, 'Oh no, no-I'm a pretty heavy sleeper.' They exchanged glances. Harold said, 'Doug told us to have you report over to his cabin right after breakfast. He wants to welcome you to his section of the camp.' I was pleased that I was going to get to meet Doug, the swimming teacher, and actually get to talk to him. I stammered, 'Oh, okay ... thanks! I'll be sure to be there!' Then Harold and Cliff went off to do early morning chores.
"All during breakfast I was full of excitement. Part of it was because I was getting to have a personal meeting with Doug, and part of it was because of what I'd seen Harold and Cliff doing in bed. After I'd finished eating I combed my hair, brushed my teeth, and went straight to Doug's cabin. He was out in front doing his exercises, just as I'd seen him do so often before. When I approached, he quit doing push-ups and walked over to meet me.
"'You must be Gary,' he said to me, smiling. 'Come on into my cabin so we can get to know each other.' I walked in and he asked me to sit down. We had some small talk, then Doug said that since my parents had sent me to camp to make me healthy, he was going to do his best to see that they got their money's worth. I was busy looking all around Doug's cabin. There were pictures everywhere of men who seemed to be body-building champions and muscle men. There were lots of pictures of men in bathing suits, some with autographs, and there was a shelf full of swimming trophies Doug had won.
"Doug noticed my interest in the pictures and asked, 'Would you like to have a body like that when you grow up, Gary?' I said, 'Sure I would. But I don't think I could ever build myself up that well.' Doug grinned and said, 'Oh, you might be surprised! When I was your age, I was built about like you are.' He took hold of my arm above the elbow and squeezed it. 'You've got a pretty good start there for a fellow your age. How old are you, Gary?' When I told him I was 14 he said I was at just the right age to begin taking good care of my body.
"He told me he always made a physical examination of all his boys when they first came to his camp section, and then he asked me to take off my shirt and turn around. When I did this Doug felt my back and my buttocks. He rubbed his hands all over my buttocks and said that I had a nice shape. Then he asked me to turn around and face him. When I had turned around he told me to sit down, that he wanted to have a talk with me. 'Gary,' he said to me, 'if you want to be as healthy as possible, there's a certain part of your body that you should take special care of. Do you know what part I'm referring to?' When I said I didn't, he paused and looked at me with a very fatherly expression.
"Then he continued, 'If s your sexual organs that I'm speaking of, Gary. Your sexual organs are a very important part of your body, you know.' When I began to turn a little red in the face, he smiled and said, 'Maybe you aren't accustomed to discussing sex, Gary. Don't feel bad about it, though. In my job as counselor here to boys your age, I've found that many of you aren't very well informed about sexual matters. But you don't have to worry. That's part of my job. If you ever have any questions about sex, just go right ahead and ask me. I'll tell you anything you want to know.'
"I thought immediately of what I'd seen Harold and Cliff doing in their bed, but I was afraid to bring up the subject. But I was beginning to feel more and more at ease with Doug all the time. I had the feeling that I could trust him. I told him that I guessed I didn't have any questions at the moment.
"Doug clasped my arm and pulled me forward toward him. "Then I'll continue with the examination,' he said. 'The next thing I need to check, Gary, are your sex organs. Now pull down your pants.' I was kind of bashful about doing this, but Doug had said it was very important to have a thorough physical, so I allowed him to do as he wanted. I slowly pulled my pants down until they were around my knees.
"'You can sit back on the chair, there,' Doug indicated. Doug was looking at my shorts and was beginning to talk kind of nervously. He put his hand forward and touched my penis through my shorts. When he felt it grow a little hard as he touched it, he looked me right in the eye and said, 'Don't be embarrassed if your penis sometimes hardens when it's touched, Gary. That's perfectly normal. Now let me pull down your shorts here and examine your penis better.'
"As he slipped my shorts down to my knees he slowly handled my penis in his fingers until it grew very hard. Seeing that I was embarrassed in spite of what he had told me, Doug then said, 'Gary, just to prove to you that it's perfectly normal for a male's penis to get hard when it's handled by someone, I'm going to show you my own.' He was wearing a pair of khaki pants. 'Don't be afraid, now,' he told me. 'Just go ahead and unzip my fly and you'll see that my penis gets hard when you touch it just like yours did when I touched it.' Then he added, 'I'm doing this to show you how a male's sex organs work. I don't want you to think there's anything wrong with you just because your penis becomes erect.'
"I was a little scared to do as he asked, but I was feeling more and more at ease all the time, so I reached forward and unzipped the fly to Doug's pants. When I'd done that. I could see his penis, which was just as hard as he had said it would be.
"'Go ahead and touch it, Gary. I want you to feel my hard penis,' Doug told me. Then he looked at me and said, 'See, nothing happens except exactly what happened to your penis when I touched it with my hand, right?' I nodded in agreement to what he said. Then Doug continued to examine my sex organs. He gently lifted my testicles and said, 'In these is where the sperm is kept that can make a female pregnant, Gary. Of course, when a boy gets a girl pregnant, he gets into a lot of trouble.'
"My hand was still on Doug's penis and I was getting a very funny feeling that I wanted to keep holding it. It seemed like some kind of electricity was running through both our bodies, and at our hands and penises it was creating a kind of very pleasant heat. I thought of what Cliff and Harold had been doing and wondered if they felt the same way. I felt like I should remove my hand from Doug's penis, but something made me keep holding it. Doug seemed to know how I felt. He looked at me, and said, 'If you find yourself wanting to hold my penis, just go right ahead and do it. There's not a thing wrong with it.'
"Then he began to slip his fingers along the head of my penis. 'This part is called the 'glans' or 'head' of the penis. It's the most sensitive part. Do you feel a warm feeling when I touch you there?' I was beginning to feel very warm. And I found myself wanting him to do it more and more. I began to squirm around in the chair. Doug said, 'Gary, you seem especially sensitive. Tell me, do you know how to relieve yourself when you feel sexual pressure building up?'
"I didn't know what he meant. I was looking down at the floor as I answered him, 'N-n-no, no, I don't know what you mean,' I finally managed to get out. Doug seemed to be more excited. 'Well, then,' said Doug, 'it's time a boy of your age learned how to relieve himself.' Doug's penis was still very hard and I could feel it begin to throb much like my own penis had done when I had been watching Cliff and Harold. Then Doug lifted my hand off his penis and placed it on my own penis. He clasped my fingers around my penis and started working my hand up and down on my penis, using his hand as a guide. It didn't take long before I began to feel so good that I couldn't imagine why I had never done this for myself.
"Then I realized why I had never discovered the pleasurable act for myself. It was because I was afraid my parents would disapprove if they ever found out, and that I might be severely punished as I had been the time the neighbor girl had told her big lie."
At this point the interviewing psychiatrist made an entry into the notebook on his lap and then asked Gary to continue.
"I was getting so sexually aroused by this time that Doug asked me if I wanted to take off my pants and shorts and lie down on his bed. I thought he meant that he would discontinue rubbing my penis, so I was about to answer negatively. Doug saw the misunderstanding in my eyes and smiled. 'Don't worry,' he said, 'I'll keep doing this for you.' I quickly slipped off my pants and shorts and lay down on his bed. 'What I'm doing for you is showing you how to masturbate yourself, Gary. Have you ever heard of "masturbation" before?'
"I told him I had not. Then Doug said, as he continued playing with my penis. 'A long time ago people used to say that masturbation was harmful, but everyone knows better now. Nowadays even doctors know that every young man gets sexual feelings that make him require relief. And that's what I'm showing you how to do.' As I lay down on Doug's bed with my pants off, he continued to slip his hand up and down my penis. He had already removed my own hand from my penis and said it would be good for me if he masturbated me for a while.
"Then Doug asked, as he continued slowly to rub his fingers up and down my penis, whether I had ever examined a grown man's penis before. I told him that I'd seen my father's a few times, and that I'd seen other men's penises in public rest rooms, but that I'd never got to hold one before. When Doug heard me say I'd never got to hold one before, he said, 'Then you do enjoy handling my own penis, as you were doing a little while ago?' When I told him that I did enjoy it, he seemed very pleased.
"He said to me, 'Gary, I haven't been relieved for a while myself. Do you want to relieve me while I'm relieving you? This is essentially what happens when a man puts his penis in a woman's sex organ, you know, but there's no reason to wait for a woman when we can get the same feeling for ourselves, is there?' By this time my 14-year-old penis was feeling better than it ever had before. I would have done anything Doug asked me to do.
"Doug saw me looking at his penis. It was very long, with a big bush of blond hair all around it. I didn't have too much hair around my own penis yet, but Doug said someday I'd have just as big a penis as his. I was embarrassed to ask, but I wanted to know, so I said, 'How big is your penis, Doug?' Doug said, 'My penis happens to be nine inches long. That's a pretty good-size one, but I think yours may get that big, because it looks like it's about five inches long already. You're a lucky boy to have a fine healthy cock like that.' Then he got up on the bed with me.
"'Now I'm going to get up here so we can both really get satisfaction out of what we're doing, Gary,' he said as he lay down beside me. Then he worked himself around behind me and said, 'Now just do as I show you, Gary, and you're going to shoot off like a champ!'
"Then I could feel his hard penis at the entrance of my ass. He was directly behind me and we were both on our sides, so I could feel his body touching me all up and down my back. He really made me start to go wild, then. He put both hands around in front of me and began to caress my balls with one hand and to increase the speed of his fingers on my penis with his other hand. At the same time I could feel the hot head of his penis beginning to enter the crack of my ass. By that time we were both beginning to get very sweaty and slippery, so it was easy for him to get his penis head into my ass.
"I would have been afraid of what he was doing to me any other time, but he was making me feel so good in front that I thought the least I could do was to allow him to do as he wanted to my back. Besides, I was beginning to get pleasure out of feeling his hard penis pushing into my ass.
"We were both so hot by then that it gives me goose bumps to think about it. It was my very first time, remember. Before long Doug was pumping his penis into my ass and yelling,-What a tight little asshole you've got, boy! Just the way I like them! Now hang on and I'm going to make you shoot your wad.' He began to jack his hand up and down the shaft of my penis with terrific speed. Then I felt it-a very full, tight feeling at the root of my penis that made me pant and I began to move my hips in time to Doug's hand movements. Doug yelled, 'You're coming now, boy, you're going to shoot your wad!' We were both so frantic that I could hardly understand him. He kept jamming his penis into my ass, and together with what his hand was doing, I thought I would explode. Then it happened ... my first climax. I thought the roof was coming off the cabin. I saw a stream of whitish, thick fluid shoot out from the head of my penis. At the same time, I felt something hot and liquid flood my asshole. Doug had done the same thing into my ass that I'd seen myself do in front of me.
"When Doug heard me yell at the point of my climax, he let his penis slip out of my ass and dove around in front of me. Then he grabbed the head of my penis in his mouth and started sucking on it! I was flabbergasted at this new development, but it felt so good I wasn't about to object! As I watched, I saw Doug lick all around the head of my penis with his tongue. He was getting every bit of the white fluid that he could. He got me so excited doing that that he made me shoot off again and this time he received it all right into his mouth and swallowed it. Then he rolled over on his back and said, 'Well, Gary, now you know how to relieve yourself properly. Sometimes it's nice to do it together, but from now on you can masturbate yourself anytime you feel the need to.'
"Doug's phone rang, then, and he said he had to go and get ready for his first swim class. We put our clothes on and left together. All the rest of the summer, I had sex with Doug periodically, and I also began to have sex with my cabin-mates, Harold and Cliff. The three of us did every sex act we could think of all the rest of the summer."
Gary seemed to feel emotional relief at having recounted the details of his sexual initiation. He breathed deeply and said, "I guess from then on you could say that I was a confirmed homosexual. I never felt much desire for a woman any time afterwards." Gary then relaxed, to all appearances in a much better emotional state than when he first began recounting his story.
PSYCHOLOGIST'S SUMMARY
At Gary's trial, he received a light sentence because it was his first offense. At a consultation that took place in my office two weeks later, I advised Gary that his case history revealed to me that his situation was not unlike that of many other homosexuals. I explained to Gary that, because of his strong preferences for a male sex partner, the chances were high that he would never be able to respond satisfactorily to a female sex partner.
I further indicated that the decision was up to Gary himself-that if he wanted to be "cured" of his homosexual desires, I would accept him as a patient and probe deeper into his psyche with the use of drugs or hypnosis, in an attempt to discover whether there was any chance for him to enjoy heterosexual intercourse and to marry and settle down. After much thought, Gary replied that what he really wanted was to continue his life as a homosexual, hopefully without a recurrence of any such incidents as the one which brought him to my office. (He had been sent to me by the courts.)
I informed Gary that if he had made that decision, he should simply take steps to insure he would never again make a public display as he had done when he had been arrested with the other young men. I reminded him that most of society still regards his kind of sexual inclinations as being not only illegal, but immoral as well. I emphasized that he should take pains to conduct himself accordingly in the future. It is impossible to say for certain whether Gary would be a homosexual today if he had not met Doug, his camp counselor, but his seduction was definitely instrumental in the boy's subsequent sexual inclinations.