Chapter 7
What to say?
She knew that it wasn't just the fact of the other man. It was her obvious enjoyment. Without even knowing it, she had become Patty with Randy and there was no way she could make Gerald understand that.
She felt herself freezing. She looked from Randy to Gerald. Who was she?
There was a terrible tension in her. She felt it building now and realized that it had been building all her life. Patricia and Patty fought suddenly for possession of her soul.
"Look you," Randy muttered belligerently. "You interrupted something-"
He started toward Gerald, fists doubled.
"Now see here, young man-"
Gerald's voice was a little high. It had probably been years since he had found himself on the verge of a fist fight.
"Randy please!"
Randy looked over at her stricken face and slowly subsided. "OK, but this guy goes."
"Now, see here-" Gerald repeated.
His eyes went to Patricia's body. She had forgotten that she was naked. She kept Gerald so strung out on sex most of the time that just the sight of her nakedness was enough to touch him off. His eyes went over her full breasts and then down to her bush. She saw the hunger shine in them and knew suddenly that if she could get rid of Randy, then she could handle Gerald just because of his hunger.
Yes, that was it. Suddenly Patty and Patricia stopped warring for a moment and she saw that there was only one course to be taken if anything at all was to be salvaged from this wreckage.
"Randy," she made her voice soft. "Gerald is an old friend and I really should talk to him."
Randy's face showed surprise and then hurt.
"I think I can explain everything," she said to Gerald. Of course she was gambling on Randy's innate goodness in not revealing her but she was sure it was a safe bet. She felt herself suddenly back in control and her body went cold.
She fished around for more excuses, while she hurried toward the living room for her wrap. Yes, she could still bring it off if she didn't lose her cool.
She struggled into the negligee as Randy and Gerald followed her into the living room. There wasn't time to tie the thing so it hung open. What good is that? she wondered. Well, maybe it would add spice to the scene.
She looked at Randy pleadingly.
His face was set and angry.
She turned to Gerald. He was looking her up and down once more.
"I don't understand any of this," Randy muttered sullenly, "but I don't intend to leave just because some old geezer busts in."
"Old Geezer!"
Gerald's face went from red to blue and he advanced on Randy. "No, please!"
Patricia got between them. She faced Gerald and the gown was open again. His eyes glazed over.
"I can explain it all if we just get some calm," she said, making her voice throaty.
"Can you, my dear?"
In spite of himself, there was a trill in Gerald's voice. He was coming around all by himself. She moved closer and looked into his eyes. She was so close her breasts were brushing his chest.
He trembled.
Power surged in her.
"I'll tell you all about it," she murmured. "Hey!"
Randy inserted himself once more. "What about me?"
Patricia turned and faced him. It was simple and clear-cut now. Either Gerald or Randy. Either Patty dominated her life and led her down the path to sex and ultimate destruction or Patricia ran it and added a note of sanity to things. It had to be one or the other. Patty would stay but Patricia had to have the final decision.
"I'm sorry, Randy," she said coldly, "but I simply must talk to Gerald now."
Randy drew back.
"And you might zip up your fly before you leave," Gerald said coldly. "Oh!"
His fingers went down and pulled the zipper up and for a moment Patricia felt sorry for him.
"Thanks for the buggy ride," he said, his voice ragged, He was fighting for control, to maintain a young man's dignity. "I'm just sorry we had to stop in the middle of the trip but I guess this old geezer can take care of the rest."
With a sigh of relief, Patricia saw him turn and start to the door.
She turned to Gerald without even looking at Randy.
"Darling, it's so simple-"
The door popped open. At first she thought it was Randy leaving but then a new voice sounded.
"Of course, it's simple," Bob Haines' voice sounded. "You leave all these happy people and fly away with me-Oh! Hi, Mr. Heard."
He realized he'd goofed as soon as he saw who it was with Patricia but there was no backing down.
"Just a friendly little visit," he grinned. "Who's he?" Randy demanded from the door.
"Yes, Patricia. One man is bad enough," Gerald said, "but my god!"
Doubt filled his features. "I can explain."
There was an edge in her voice. Bob blew the balance. She was Patricia to Gerald and Patty to Randy but who was she to Bob? She felt her mind spinning off. "Please!"
Her voice was a moan as all the figures began to war inside her at once. "I can explain."
Her voice came bright and young like Patty's. "Really."
Suddenly it was soft and authoratative like Patricia.
"It's quite simple." She was Patty again and looked from one to the other of them pleadingly. Her head was splitting. Her mind couldn't focus.
"I've got to-" Patricia again. She was trying, trying hard to throttle Patty and take over.
"Only, I'm-"
Tears stung her eyes. They stared at her.
"Why are you looking at me?" she sobbed. Stop it! Stop looking at me!"
With a scream, she turned and fled into the bedroom and locked it.
She heard Gerald banging on the door.
"Really, Patricia...."
"Just a minute, Mr. Heard." Bob's voice was sober, authoritative. "There's something wrong."
She leaned against the door panting a moment. Slowly it came to her that it was all over. Moving over to the closet, she got clothes out and dressed.
"Patricia," Bob's voice came through the door, calm and gentle. "We just want to talk to you. No one's going to pressure you."
She barely heard him.
The bedroom window opened onto a fire escape. Thank God. She didn't have to face them, not any of them. She could still run. That was the important thing. To get away. Beside herself, she scooped up her purse, flung a coat over her shoulders and climbed out the window to the metal fire escape and went down.
Thank goodness her car was still out front. Mind churning, she climbed into it. She didn't know where she was going but she started the car and gunned the motor.
She laughed wildly thinking of Bob and Gerald upstairs still banging on the bedroom door. Little did they know. She was gone, flown like a bird. Patricia and Patty had both fled.
The car roared through the night. She didn't know where she was going but for the time being she was content to be in motion, away from her problems, away from the tensions that had haunted her so long and had finally climaxed this night in the bizarre scene she had just left behind her.
She reached the edge of the city and roared onto the highway. She was free.
The road spread out and she opened the car up.
"Where?"
It didn't matter. Not yet. She drove, mind still, watching the sweep of the lights ahead of her, not thinking. It was black outside and peaceful. She was moving away.
The night stroked by. She lost track of time. Where was she? Her eye caught the gas gauge. It was almost empty. A little town came into view.
She pulled into the first filling station she came to and stopped. "Yes, Ma'am?"
"Fill it up, please."
It came to her suddenly that she was at rest once more. And alone in a strange place.
Her mind began racing and she didn't want to think. She kept pushing thoughts down to have new ones arrive. She needed something. What? A drink perhaps. Down the street, the lights of a little tavern flashed. Maybe she could have a drink and calm herself down. Perhaps there would be someone there she could talk to.
"That'll be three-seventy, Ma'am."
She flung a five at him and didn't wait for her change but gunned the car and roared down the street to the bar.
But then, having stopped in front of it, she was afraid and sat there a long time, trembling, trying to make up her mind to go in. The thought of driving on the dark road frightened her now.
It was the fear that moved her. She had the choice of getting out and going in or going back on the dark road. She climbed out of the car and walked inside.
It was dimly lit, a small room with a bar and a couple of booths. There was a group at one of the booths in back, two men and a woman. That was all. Thank goodness it wasn't packed.
She sat down at the bar. The bartender, a small, cheerful man, smiled at her.
"What'll it be, Miss?"
"A-a double, please."
"A double what, Ma'am?"
"Oh! Bourbon."
He poured it, set it before her and watched her.
She drained it in a gulp. She had to stop her head from filling up with thoughts.
Down the room, the couple were laughing. The other man joined in. They sounded carefree and happy. Patricia envied them.
"Another please."
The bartender eyed her and then poured. The first one hadn't touched her but this one did. Half of it burned its way down and then exploded.
"Thank God, I'm getting drunk."
"One more."
"Lady, no problem's that bad." She grinned crookedly.
"Then maybe this will keep it from getting that bad."
She was drunk. She just wanted the last one to make sure. But she didn't down it in a gulp. She sat and sipped it, gratefully feeling the waves of drunkenness wash over her.
Laughter sounded again. She turned and looked at the trio down the room. The man alone was facing her. He was lean, blondish, not bad looking. He was saying something to the others, but he caught her eye laughing and winked. She let herself smile. It was good to be included after coming in off the dark road.
And she saw the desire in his eyes and remembered that she was a woman. Yes, that was what started it all. I'm a woman, she thought. Suddenly she felt the need to assert it. The blond man was still watching her. She straightened her back so that her breasts came out. She thought about earlier that day when she wanted to show herself to a man. Tonight, in her hurry, she had not donned panties.
And she was sitting on a high stool.
Of course the lights were dim in here.
She turned slightly on the high stool.
Yes, he was still looking.
She let her legs open. The skirt was well above her knees in the little print dress she had flung on when she left the apartment. Even in the dim light she was sure he could see.
His eyes widened and she saw hunger in them.
"What am I doing?" she wondered. "Why am I doing this?"
It seemed to go far back into the past, as though she had regressed and were suddenly trying to work out the inhibitions that had been imposed on her when she was too young to resist.
A dark thrill surged in her and she spread her legs wider, feeling the labia part, feeling the moisture as desire surged in her suddenly at his gaze.
And there was more desire in the room. The blond man rose and moved down the room to her. She watched him approach as from infinity, her sense of distance blurred by the drink.
His eyes never left her bare crotch as he approached and she felt his need and was reassured by it.
"Hi," he said. "Hi."
"My name's Johnny. And my friends and I were wondering if you'd like to join us."
She met the brown eyes, felt the electricity in them, and smiled drunkenly. Anything was better than being alone now. "Sure. Why not?"