Chapter 11
It was all three of them this time. She didn't know how it happened.
She had Johnny in her mouth and then they had flipped her over on her side and Velda was lapping her and the perverse Gary was back in his favorite spot. It didn't hurt now. She was suffering from the abuse of their lack of feeling more than anything else.
"Oh, please," she wanted to say but there was no way she could speak.
"Just leave me alone," she thought.
But the heavy rod was in her mouth and Gary was pumping away and Velda was at her work. She seemed almost superfluous. If dolls could have been made of flesh, one of them would have been adequate. That was what really hurt her.
And Gary went deeper and now the pain did come and she wondered if he were injuring her but it didn't matter nearly as much as wanting to be left alone. She had meant to prove something but she hadn't and so now she had to think of what to do next.
Only she couldn't think with all of them at her like this. She couldn't do anything, only submit. Johnny's heavy rod probed deeper and she knew in another mood she would have enjoyed it. Her body was bathed in sweat and she was sure that she smelled with the sweat of all the excess she had been through.
But it didn't matter to them. To them she wasn't even human. If they would just get through and leave her alone.
"Please!"
She twisted her head away and moaned it and Johnny cursed and drew her head back.
Now, as though in punishment, he plunged it in even deeper while the others moved and Gary hurt and it just went on and on. There was only one escape. She could let the drink and the numbness take over and go out away from it all.
Her mind blanked and she thought she had gotten away but then she felt Johnny grow rigid and she had to come back to keep from strangling on him.
And then she was leaving again as he slipped out of her but there was Gary, hurting her painfully, clinging to her waist as he drove deeper and released.
Pain burned through her at the discharge but there was nothing she could do but lie there and take it till he grew limp and slid out of her with a grunt.
Velda, seeing that the others were finished, relaxed and lay between her legs panting.
Thank God it was done!
She drifted off in a blur, far out, farther than she had ever gone before. It seemed to her that her body didn't exist any longer. She was nothing.
And in this essence state, she met her mother in some distant place not even related to this planet.
It wasn't the woman she had known as a child. It was a very young woman and very beautiful. Her hair was lighter than Pat's and her skin very clear and the hair flowed around naked breasts so softly full that Pat felt desire stir in her.
How strange! To want your own mother like that. There was a subtle flickering of desire across the space.
"Well, you got here," her mother said softly. "Yes."
They stared at each other and a love such as she had never really felt for the bitter woman who raised her welled up inside her.
"You're hurt."
"Yes, Ma'am."
Her eyes moved over the body, down to the smooth belly and the very light brown hair that curled between the thighs in a neat vee. She could barely see the beginnings of the neat little slit between the legs and again desire ached in her.
"What's the matter?" her mother asked.
"I-I want you," Patricia said, dropping her head.
She was blushing and was sure her mother would reprimand her but instead she asked, quite calmly, "Isn't a certain amount of that normal between a mother and daughter?"
"I-I never thought about it."
"Perhaps it's time you should."
"But-"
"Isn't that why you keep hunting me in your heart? Because there are things you still don't know about your childhood?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"Well, listen and remember. It's quite common for disappointed women to focus their sexuality in their children. Are you aware of that?"
"I-I've read about it."
"And often when a woman discourages her daughters interest in males, it's not really just bitterness about the male sex. The motive could lie closer to home."
"I-I don't understand."
"Of course you don't. You're blind. You're suddenly involved in this urgent need to find yourself sexually and what happens? You start making love to women."
"It-it just happened."
"Did it?"
Patricia felt suddenly very confused and defensive. And to add to her confusion, the desire for the woman before her had increased.
"I don't know what you mean?"
"Answer one question then? Who is the woman you really want?"
Patricia's eyes went over the soft, voluptuous body before her and all the desire in her suddenly burst forth.
"You," she moaned softly.
"And that's the way I planned it," the woman confessed. "It was wrong but I needed your desire even if I could never use it. All the rest was a screen-the hatred of men, all of it."
"No!" Patricia said. "You weren't like that. You were a good woman!"
The other shrugged.
"Good? What is good? Life is not concerned with good or evil in such a narrow sense. It is concerned with living itself, with affirming itself in the deepest manner possible-through us. Go. Live your life. Learn to worship life through your sexuality and stop masturbating in your mind. That's what clinging to this old pattern is: it is an indirect form of masturbation for those afraid to touch themselves."
"Oh."
Was it a dream? She didn't know but she knew the desire for this other woman was real and suddenly she couldn't contain it any longer. She had to have this woman.
Her hands reached out.
"I want you."
But as she spoke the other woman was fading and she was slowly, inexorably being drawn back to her body where someone, Gary, Johnny, had just finished and was falling off of her.
Now they were conferring.
"How is she?"
"I think she's about had it for a while," Velda said.
"Oh, a drink'll bring her around."
"No a drink will put her under. If anything, she needs coffee now."
"OK, we'll get it. Come on, Gary."
The two of them moved around the room, dressing. Patricia lay very still, thinking. She didn't understand the dream yet but she knew it was important.
"Look after her till we get back," Johnny told Velda. "OK."
"Don't lose her."
"Does she look like she's going anywhere?"
"All right. All right. We'll be back in a little while."
The door slammed and Patricia lay there another moment, her mind spinning. So many new things were coming to her but she was very tired and almost hysterical.
She had to get somewhere where she felt secure so she could begin to unravel this.
She drew a shuddering breath.
She had to get out of here.