Chapter 7

Once again I began to frequent those dank areas of the city where men walk in the shadows of buildings and their faces are hard and cruel.

Why I reverted to this behavior I shall never know, but it had something to do with my experience with the beast. I wanted uncomplicated children, I wanted the bodies of boys who were not consumed by the desire for money, I wanted the cock of a young man that was free and not scarred by our society.

So, I returned to the waterfront district, and to the industrial area, in fact, to any area of the city that was frequented by young wolves who were interested in pleasure.

Often, I would stand in the shadow of some warehouse, my breath steaming in the cold and a sudden feeling of almost overwhelming despair would flood over me. I realized the danger to my life and career. I realized that if I had begun once again to frequent these places, my existence was perched on a slender thread.

One night, as I was prowling the waterfront looking for those waifs whom I had grown to need, I found myself dreaming of the ideal body. It was more than a philosophical exercise; it was an attempt to set a goal for me. That night, I vowed that if ever I could find the boy with the perfect body, I would have him sexually and then cease forever my perversion. It was dark and cold as I began to construct such a body in my mind. The child would have to be fair and thin. I could picture his thighs, well-developed but still possessing the flush of youth. His buttocks would have that strange curve which I have found that only young men still have, a curve and a texture in the flesh which made one want to rest one's lips against them.

I began to shiver in the cold and the only warmth I possessed was when I constructed the ideal tongue. It would be thin and rapier-like, with a tip that could dart like a snake into the very center of my womanhood, and move from side to side with such precision that in a few seconds it would reduce me to a quivering mass of flesh.

Yes, I thought long and hard on that tongue, wondering whether I would ever find one, knowing that there is nothing on this earth as sweet as the virgin tongue of a young man.

My heart beat wildly as I thought of him, lying between my legs, staring for the first time at my cunt, frightened but lusting to reach that treasured dark triangle.

Then I thought of his cock. Oh, how I yearned to be free of my insatiable desires and I knew that the only way to accomplish that was to; once and for all, find the cock which would fulfill me. First I began to construct the globes in my mind, heavy hanging balls that swayed like ripe fruits between his legs. Standing there, a woman who had been through the most bizarre temptations, my eyes could actually see those globes. I could feel my lips running against them, and then moving to the cylinder itself. I opened my mouth to receive the hallucination and then I awakened and despised myself for my romanticism. It was getting late and so far the night had been unfruitful.

I began to walk aimlessly, feeling that juiciness rise in my cunt, feeling the heat rising like the tide on the seashore.

But the only men that passed me were those who had destroyed their bodies in their quest for a life of flesh. I needed the young ones, I needed desperately those young bodies which had not yet passed the point of decadence and who still carried in their bodies the seeds of youth.

Suddenly, from the back of one building, I heard a strange noise. Moving against the wall, I listened closely. It was a laugh. But it was a laugh unlike I have ever heard before. It was a laugh that seemed to say to the world that all was ludicrous, that all was absurd, yet every fact and object in life must be enjoyed.

I knew it would be dangerous to investigate the laugh.

But I also knew that perhaps there would be a body who was making the laugh and perhaps that body would possess the attributes which I desired.

Walking into the alley, I followed the sounds. About ten feet away from me were two boys. They were dressed very strangely; one of them wore a cape, which was swirled about his shoulders in a stance of bravado. The other wore a large straw hat in which was a sweeping feather which quivered and twitched in the wind.

They saw me and stopped laughing. One of them stood up and made a low mocking bow as if he was greeting some representative of royalty. Carrying through with the drama, I curtsied in return.

"Look," said one youth to the other, "we have uncovered a delicacy."

There was something in his voice, something in the manner in which he spoke which immediately gave away the fact that he was under the influence of some narcotic. They both began to giggle again.

"Come here," said the one in the cape.

I walked slowly to them and just stood there.

"Do you have nice tits? I hope you do because that is what I want to see now in this godforsaken place; beautiful firm tits that I can caress and kiss. If you do not have such nice things, please go away and leave us."

I had never been spoken to like that before. It was so rational but so insane. I did something then which I shall never understand. Instead of leaving, instead of calling them both fools, I opened my blouse and let the cold night wind sweep across my bosom.

The one who had spoke walked over as if he was inspecting a piece of furniture.

"Yes, her tits are nice. Look at the firmness of the shape. Oh, I must taste them."

As he bent over and slowly, gently, placed his mouth on my nipple, letting his saliva drip over the point, I was not aware of any passion in myself. I seemed to be observing my own strangeness. I seemed able even to comment to myself on how his lips were resting against my nipple and on how long it would take before I would become sexually excited.

But a moment later, the dam burst for me and lust replaced this introspection. It was when the other boy came over and as one was kissing my naked breasts, the other just rested his hand on my cheek.

The moment his fingers grazed against me I felt that tell-tale shiver race up and down my body. At that moment I broke away from both of them and-ran a few feet away, calling back to them: "No, no, do you hear me, I say no. This is the last night I will ever be here, this is the last night I will ever throw myself on barbarians like yourself. Remember, I know boys and I know that they carry in themselves the seeds of intense cruelty."

I kept babbling like this, over and over, all of my hatred of myself forming in my words. But still I did not leave.

The one in the cape walked over to me and to silence my babbling, he smacked me savagely in my face. The force of the blow made me fall to my knees. Before I rose, I felt two powerful arms holding me, and another set of arms ripping the clothes from my back. I began to fight. Never have I fought in my life with such purpose. Yes, I still wanted boys but I did not want those boys.

It was too late. Right in front of me was a cock. It dangled before me, its red tip quivering. But I had only a second to contemplate it. I was pulled onto my back and that terrible cock, that narcotic inflamed organ thrust itself into my cunt with such force that I felt like I was being driven into the cold ground.

I screamed out my hatred but it was too late. The organ was going deeper and deeper, going into the very flower of my life, twisting and turning like a beserk animal, forming the juices in my body.

The child who was on top of me laughed in my face as he drove that weapon again and again into me, pumping with great bursts of hysterical strength.

The other boy, who was holding me, spoke continuously in my ear: "Do you like it? Isn't it nice. Do you like my friend's cock? Don't you feel how medicinal it is?"

Then I felt the cock grown to an incredible size and begin to spasm. A second later the hot seed burst forth, but the moment that happened, the child withdrew his organ and let the seed splash over my body as if I was a field to be fertilized.

I tried to stand and run but they had only begun their games. They held me down, laughing at me. Finally, letting me up, they apologized and told me to go.

They grinned wickedly. They both knew, even though I had exhibited no passion during the penetration, what I was. They were daring me to leave.

"You must go," one of them said.

"Yes," said the other, "go home."

I was trapped. For only now the juices of my body were beginning to rise, only now as I looked at them, at that moment, did I truly desire them. They both stood there and in the silence that followed I saw their cock's stiffen. They made no move to hide it, the quivering cocks matched their wicked smiles.

Once again my past overwhelmed me. With my head down I walked to that waiting flesh. Each in turn, I pressed my lips against their flesh, I let their cocks move gently through the circle of my lips and my tongue sucked the living passion from them.

Then I moved to the wall. I could see the fire in their eyes. I could see their young beautiful bodies tensing, the fires of youth stoked by my practiced mouth. They could not wait. They had to come to me. I braced for the first one. Yes, I braced for those blessed penetrations.

The first came, slowly. When he was about a foot away, I could not hold back, I ran to him, enraged with lust, and leaped on his cock, throwing my legs around his waist. My teeth sank into his neck, and I tasted the blood as it filled my mouth.

How can I describe the glory of that entry. My cunt sucked up the cock and folded around it. My thighs forced it to perform as I gyrated my body to meet the contours of his thrust. My passion was so great, and my cunt so like a silken erotic velvet that the poor child moaned over and over. Within a few moments his cock spewed out its glorious seed and I left his waist to taste the juice of love.

Then I turned to the other child. I circled him like some jungle animal. I saw for the first time, a spark of fear in his eyes. For a moment I saw his eyes cloud over as if he was indeed facing a wild animal. First I moved against him with my back. I let his cock just for one second taste the glory of my buttocks, yes, I let it sink just once between those quivering cheeks and then I turned.

I fell to my knees and then backwards. My arms reached out, calling for him.

"Now," I said, as if I was talking to one of my underlings.

He leaped on me and my cunt opened wide, my flower blossomed to bring in the meat.

This one was violent and the hard cement bit deliciously into my back as he pumped.

"Yes, yes," I screamed to him.

In it went, deeper and deeper, scorching the walls of my womanhood, seeming to want every tiny drop of passion, seeming to turn my body into a fiery opening, trying to possess me totally.

Oh, it was good lying there and accepting that lance of maleness. My body was so sensitive that I felt the tip struggling to survive in that welter of movement. I met his every thrust with a greater one until the child could stand it no more and fell off me. But he was in agony, still unfulfilled.

I followed him as he tried to crawl away and grasped his cock in my mouth.

First I let my teeth taste the quivering flesh. It was a banquet. I drank in the odor and taste of that cock. I could not get enough. I sucked the tiny tip until it reached out to me in pain.

Then the seed flowed, slowly at first, a steady stream and then in horrendous gasps. I drank it down and stood. Both children were on their knees, their eyes glazed and their bodies trembling.

We rested for a while, saying nothing, the air filled with exhausted panting.

"Who are you?" Said one, holding up his hands as if to shield himself from any further love.

"I am a woman," I told them, "who has seen everything and tasted everything and who now knows that the only truth there is in life is embedded in the bodies of children like yourself."

They looked at each other for a moment, their mouths open, unable to answer. The drugs they had taken were beginning to wear off.

"I must go," I told them, "but there is one other moment we can have together. Yes, there is one other moment we can experience."

They did not answer. Perhaps they were afraid.

"I want you to taste my body."

They did not seem to understand. I explained myself further: "I want you to taste my body."

They could not withstand me. I lay down between them and gave my body to their tongues. At first they hesitated but then the natural lusts which reside in the mouths of young children, which are always dormant there, surfaced.

First, the tongues, licking my nipples and stomach. Then the teeth, taking tiny bites over my body. And then tongue and mouth and teeth going into my cunt, bringing me a degree of love that only the pervert can experience.

The two children fought for my flower. Yes, they fought for the honor of sucking every lust from me.

I gave myself to them equally and then, I slowly began to reach the stage of orgasm. My body shivered and I relaxed, I let the natural inclinations of my flesh and their heated tongues carry me over that blessed threshold. I moaned once and my whole being exploded, leaving me, completely satisfied in front of them, their meal over.

There was nothing else to do or say. I left them without another word.

Looking back once, I saw them watching me, quietly, and I felt for the first time in my life that I had given something important to two children. Yes, I felt that I had performed works that can be construed as useful, and satisfying and ethical.

The importance of this episode cannot be understated. After a series of adventures in which she actively tried to avoid genital contact, here she accepts it with a remarkable ferocity. It is a crucial turning point in her life. No doubt, if she had not been raped by the two young men, she would never have "broken through" into acceptance and active courting of the "cock".

If the rape had not occurred, she still would have come to that position but it would have taken her much longer and caused her much more mental strain. The short speech she makes to the young men after their sexual activities shows what a tremendous breakthrough this acceptance of the "cock" was. For the first time she is making a defense of her perversion on the grounds of "truth".

Yet, even after this speech, she still looks upon herself as a martyr with all the guilt feelings usually accepted with this condition. This is the only explanation for her offering herself up as a meal to the young men. She really wished to be devoured and this devouring can only be a way to alleviate her remaining guilt. One very puzzling part of this episode is her intellectual construction of an ideal youth who would satisfy all her desires and, in effect, totally dissolve her perversion. This fantasy may be extremely important but at this time we simply do not have enough information to make a clinical observation that can stand scientific scrutiny.