Chapter 4

"FIRST you have to promise not to be angry." Toni smiled out of the corner of her eye and reached over to the night table for the cigarette box.

I should have known, Stan thought and sighed. Nothing for nothing in this world. He reached over for his shorts. "And what if I don't promise?" He forced the patient tone which was always so difficult after the desire had left him.

"Then I simply won't tell you." Toni blew out the match and smiled, naked and sure of herself.

She was being cute. What the hell! He could play her game also.

"I'm not so sure I really want to know." Stan glanced over at her shamelessly exposed body and wondered if he should have her again. Better not, he decided. She still had to make supper for all of them. Later. After Carl went home.

"All right. Forget it then." Toni hopped off the bed and wiggled to her closet for a robe.

Stan adjusted his shorts about his waist and told himself that distraction was in order. And fast. "No ... tell me." He made himself sound truly interested, so Toni wouldn't leave him alone in the room with his thoughts and his re-awakening desire. "I promise I won't be mad."

Toni eyed him for a long moment, as if trying to make up her mind whether or not his word could be believed. Then Stan saw her smile and knew she was forming the words very carefully in her mind.

"Remember, you promised you wouldn't get mad," she purred, affecting an innocent school-girl expression.

"Okay, okay, spill it." He was genuinely starting to worry. She was dragging the bit out too long. That wasn't like her. What could she have done?

"I bought us an anniversary present," she announced, looking at Stan, very shy and ingenuous.

Stan quickly closed the distance between them and scooped her into his arms. "So that's it. I should have guessed." He smiled and kissed her neck. "Just tell me that it isn't a tie or a smoking jacket."

"I said it was for us" Toni answered from somewhere in his embrace. "Don't be so selfish."

"You want me to guess?" Stan asked, kicking himself mentally for having entertained the idea earlier in the day that Toni had forgotten the date.

"No." Toni sounded slightly uncomfortable.

Stan found the bottom of her chin with his index finger and coaxed Toni's face upward to face his. "Whatever it is, I'm sure I'll be crazy about it." He leaned down and sought out the moist orange of her lips. The combination of spring and perfume smells reached his nostrils and inflamed his need. Stan slid his palms down to Toni's hips and around to the front of her bathrobe. Then his fingers slid beneath the nylon....

"Oh, no you don't." Toni sounded more cheerful now. "First I want you to see what I bought."

He couldn't have cared if she'd bought the Brooklyn Bridge. But he knew sex would be no good if her mind was on other things. Maybe later....

"Okay, show it to me."

"Look out the window."

"What?" Stan wondered if he'd heard right.

"I said, look out the window." Toni's voice sounded suddenly thin, like she was making a confession rather than bestowing joy. Stan turned and walked to the blinds. Then he lifted one of the slats and peered through.

In the driveway he saw a three thousand dollar monster. He felt the color drain from his face. He felt the knot form in his stomach. He felt the desire to strike out and hurt fill his torso and spread trembling hatred right down to his fingertips.

"Well, don't you like it?" Toni suddenly seemed so far away.

Stan dropped the slat and ran his fingers through his hair in a gesture of utter and complete helplessness. What could he say to her, he asked himself. The sweet little dope thought she was surprising him for their anniversary. He should be able to turn around and thank her. That's the kind of a man Toni deserved.

But all he wanted to do was squeeze that beautiful neck until there wasn't a breath of life left in her faultless body.

"So that's how my car broke down, huh?" His voice was a ghost of it's natural sound.

"I was hoping you wouldn't guess," she said. "I didn't want to ruin the surprise."

Stan shook his head in disbelief and amazement. How could she be childish enough to pull such a stunt when they needed every penny they could lay their hands on? And how come she wasn't perceptive enough to see through to what he really thought of the idea?

"I invited Carl over here for dinner at eight-thirty," he said. A small revenge for what she had done to him. If she got mad about it he knew he'd be delighted. "I hope you don't mind."

"Mind? Carl? Why, not at all."

Toni's answer was a little too bright ... a little too fast. Stan knew better than to take her at face value tonight.

"You know I think Carl's a very nice guy," Toni said.

Her tone seemed to have lightened tremendously, Stan thought. Then he glanced back to watch her pull on her bra and panties. Never once had she asked him to turn around when she dressed or undressed. Suddenly, he found himself wondering if that was normal. He dismissed the idea. In his condition tonight, he couldn't be expected to be objective-about anything.

"I'll only have a little more than an hour to prepare dinner. I think I'll serve...."

Stan vaguely heard Toni talking on the other side of the room. He was made aware of her exit only by the sudden and screaming silence that immediately followed. And for the first time, he felt genuinely glad to be alone.

The door chime reverberated through the house.

"I've got it." Stan left the window where he'd taken up his vigil fifteen minutes ago and hurried toward the front door. Odors from the kitchen made his mouth water. He tried not to think about the car.

"It's about time. You're three-quarters of an hour late." Stan reached out to pump Carl's hand as he always did when they met.

Carl kept his hand in his pocket. "I'm sorry I'm late." His voice sounded distant, troubled.

"Forget it. No calamity." Stan stared at his friend and wondered why Carl looked so pale. "Are you all right?" The question was intended to provoke friendly hostility. Their mutual signal that no matter what was wrong, it was still under control.

"You got something to drink in this dump?" Carl's voice smiled, despite the uncomfortable expression on his face.

Stan felt somewhat relieved. "Sure, just name your poison."

"Brantly."

Stan sat across the sofa from Carl, sipping his drink and trying to figure out what was the matter. Carl wasn't talking. At least not about himself. But from his tone and manner, it was evident to Stan that something was troubling him. Seriously.

"I gave Elliot the layout." Stan dug deep to fill the lull in conversation. "I think he liked it."

An instantaneous shot of pain flashed across Carl's face and disappeared almost as quickly as it had come.

But Stan caught it. "Did you see Elliot before you went home?"

Carl nodded.

And suddenly Stan knew what the trouble was.

"I know you're not going to understand this at all," Toni was saying as she sat before her dressing table, brushing her hair, "but I'm glad." She smoothed the pink negligee with her free hand.

"What's to be glad about?" Stan felt almost submerged beneath his gloom. It couldn't be true, he repeated in his aching head. They wouldn't fire Carl. They couldn't....

"I'm glad he's going. Because that means an opening for you."

Stan whirled, his eyes flashing anger, his words heated by fury. "What the hell's the matter with you, anyway?" he snapped into Toni's unchanging expression of assuredness. "Haven't you got any feelings?"

"Sure I do." Toni's smile came slowly. Her voice remained soft. "And they're all for you. I want you to have Carl's job. You deserve it."

"Not like this," he shook his head vehemently. "It isn't worth it. I'd like to call Elliot on the phone right now and tell him...."

"You'll do nothing of the kind." Toni got up and walked over to Stan. "You may not realize it now, but Elliot did you a favor tonight."

Stan stared above Toni's head toward the telephone. He smelled the fresh perfume she'd just applied, mixed with the cold cream, rubbed into her skin. Those were the odors about her that used to excite him. The sight of her in a pink nightgown used to be enough to start him....

"Oh, come on ... you'll get over this. Give it some time." Toni wound her arms around his shoulders and pulled herself up close. "You'll see, you'll be glad too," she whispered.

His hands seemed to have a life of their own as they pushed her away from him. He strode across the room.

"Where are you going?" Toni called from the doorway as he walked down the hall.

"For a walk," he answered without turning around. Then he opened the door and hurried out into the night breezes.

On his way down the path, he turned to look at the intruder in his driveway. It wasn't a bad looking car, he had to admit. But it didn't belong to him. And it never would.

The night was cool and quiet, and as he walked he tried to lit together the pieces of his day. Everything was upside down, it seemed. At the office. In his home. Almost as if life had taken a quick reversal and forgotten to include him in its new scheme.

The thought of the office without Carl just wouldn't jell. And as he considered it, Stan suddenly remembered what Toni had said. He felt the anger creeping up his spine.

She couldn't have meant it, he tried to convince himself. But the attempt at self-deception didn't work. Yesterday, he wouldn't have believed she'd buy that car. But there it was today, right in front of the house. And this evening, she'd carried on like a heartless bitch....

A stiffening fear grabbed at his limbs and he stopped walking. Was it possible that after seven years he really didn't know the woman he lived with? And if so, what was there to stop him from inadvertently doing something to make her leave him?

Stan turned and ran all the way home.