Chapter 8
"Come on, now. You don't have to turn yourself into an alcoholic over it." Laura closed her hand gently over Jo Ann's and coaxed the bottle from her shaky grasp.
Jo Ann looked away and remained silent, unable to face Laura, unable to think of anything to say. The temporary lapse of tension she had been so glad for was gone now. Her mind churned with a thousand unanswered questions, a thousand unvoiced fears. She felt stunned, lost ... unsure of whom to trust and what to feel. Stan hadn't been lying after all. Laura had just admitted that. What was left now, Jo Ann wondered.
"What's the matter, Jo Ann?" A slight trace of hurt began to make itself heard in Laura's timid tone. "Did I suddenly grow horns or something?"
"Of course not," Jo Ann answered quickly, hoping that she sounded sincere, wishing she wasn't as naive as she knew herself to be. "I'm just a little surprised, that's all."
"You'll get over that." Laura leaned back and smiled wryly. "I'm not the only one in New York, you know."
Jo Ann sat very still, listening to the sounds of traffic outside and wondering what time it was. Suddenly she felt too tired ... and very alone. "I'm sorry," she offered finally. "This has just been one hell of a week for
"Then take it easy." Laura patted her knee. "You'll be gray before you're thirty, if you let every little thing get the better of you."
"I suppose you're right." Jo Ann forced a smile for Laura's benefit and tried to relax. "Do you mind if I have that drink now? I won't make it a habit, I promise."
"Of course." Laura lifted the bottle and poured a stiff shot into Jo Ann's glass. "Ice?"
"No thanks." She wished there were some way for her to be alone for awhile, without insulting Laura. She needed to think, to plan ... to organize the shredded fragments of her life back into some semblance of logic and order. So much had happened so quickly, she thought. And despite her desire to be sophisticated about it all, Jo Ann could not deny a definite desire to pack a bag and catch the first train back home to Bootesburg.
"Enough of this gloominess." Laura stood up, stretched and slid her feet back into a pair of loafers. "How about some supper?"
Jo Ann popped out of her daydreaming just long enough to answer. "I don't feel much like seeing a lot of people," she said. "Couldn't we just stay here quietly, like we are?"
"All right." Laura smoothed her palms down along the creases in her slacks. "I'll run down to the delicatessen and get some sandwich fixings, if you like. It won't take more than ten or fifteen minutes. In the meantime, try to relax, will you?"
Jo Ann smiled and silently thanked Laura for being so understanding. But then, how much insight did it take for someone to see that she was upset and confused, Jo Ann thought. Nevertheless, she felt grateful for the much needed solitude she was about to receive.
The sound of Laura's footsteps faded down the stairs. Jo Ann glanced furtively toward the door and then leaned over to pour herself another drink. Promise or no promise, tonight she needed the courage that the scotch gave her. It might be easy for Laura to accept a state of crisis with a smile, Jo Ann told herself, sipping the liquid and enjoying the warmth it spread through her quivering insides. Laura had been around New York for a long time. Jo Ann, on the other hand, was not so well insulated against the perils and surprises of the big city. Maybe, in time, she could learn...
And Laura could help her, no doubt about that. Jo Ann took another sip and remembered to recap the bottle. As she thought about her relationship with Laura, in the light of what she had just learned about the girl, Jo Ann realized that she was playing with fire. Still, the game had its advantages. Laura was the only real friend she had in the city. To sever their friendship now, Jo Ann knew, would mean an indefinite period of being alone. No one to talk to ... no one to confide in when things got too confusing to figure out. No, she would stick around, Jo Ann decided. This was no time to condemn others.
The minutes seemed to stretch endlessly, until Jo Ann found herself pouring another drink. She felt pleased that the liquor was doing its job. The edge was gone from her nervousness. The fever-pitch of fear had lowered. And for no good reason that she could put her finger on, Jo Ann felt that somehow, some way, everything was going to turn out all right with Laura around. For, whatever else the woman might be, she was sincere and that was the most important thing of all. She wouldn't let Jo Ann down, the way Stan had. She would always be there to sympathize and to help.
And suddenly Jo Ann knew that she needed Laura now ... as badly as she had needed Stan. Maybe even more so.
"Thought I was going to let you starve, didn't you?"
Laura burst through the doorway, laden with overstuffed paper bags.
"Here, let me help you with those." Jo Ann jumped out of her chair and crossed the room on unsteady legs.
"I think you'd better just sit down and watch." Laura chuckled at the sight of Jo Ann's condition and shook her head. "I've met dames before who couldn't hold their liquor, but you are by far the worst."
Jo Ann laughed too, glad that Laura wasn't angry with her. Retreating to the chair, she sat and watched Laura, who was grinning over her mysterious purchases.
"I decided that plain old sandwiches weren't enough for tonight, so I splurged." Laura began to pull smaller bags and wrapped foods into view. "We've got a little of everything that was ever cooked, smoked or bottled."
Jo Ann felt her spirits soar, despite the unimportance of anything like food. Someone was paying attention to her and that, she knew, was the secret of feeling good. Tucking her bare feet up under her, she continued to watch Laura's animated preparations. "Are you sure I can't help with something?" she said, not really wanting to budge from her comfortable position, but feeling a little sorry for Laura amid the total disarray on the table.
"Don't be silly. I'm having a ball," Laura called back, waving Jo Ann off with a swift movement of her hand. "Just give me five minutes and everything will be ready."
"How about a drink?" Jo Ann said, needing to participate even in some small way in the sudden festivities.
"All right." Laura nodded absently as she arranged a plate of imported cheeses and hunted through a drawer for a knife.
Jo Ann poured the liquor into Laura's glass and waited for Laura to finish unwrapping a package of cold cuts. Despite the addled state of her brain, Jo Ann felt herself being caught up in Laura's enthusiasm and genuinely looking forward to sampling the strange delicacies she saw before her. With Stan, it had always been Chinese food or steak. Now, the sight of black caviar was a welcome change.
"All set," Laura announced and took the glass that Jo Ann was still holding.
"Looks delicious." Jo Ann took her seat at the table and surveyed the food.
"Don't just look," Laura said with an amused tone. "Taste."
"What's that?" Jo Ann asked, pointing to a strange looking vegetable.
"Artichoke hearts, dopey." Laura shook her head. "Haven't you ever eaten them before?"
Jo Ann colored and reached her fork over to take a piece. Again, she felt so inexperienced beside Laura. But all of that would soon go, she promised herself. She would learn. Everything. And perhaps, with Laura's help, she would stop being such a child.
"Say, that's not bad at all." Jo Ann finished her portion and took some more.
While Jo Ann was happily engaged in sampling the new foods, Laura took a bottle of chianti out of the refrigerator and reached into a cabinet for two long stemmed glasses. "As long as we're being so damned continental, we might as well go all the way," she said, returning to the table and placing the bottle before Jo Ann.
"After scotch?" Jo Ann looked from Laura to the bottle and back again.
"You won't know the difference, once it's inside you." Laura pulled the cork and began to pour. "Besides, you're already too far gone to be saved."
"You're right," Jo Ann agreed wholeheartedly. She was too far gone, she knew. Too far gone and too mixed up. All she wanted now was somebody to share something with. Anything. Anybody, who could save her from feeling abandoned and estranged from the rest of the world. And Laura, Jo Ann felt, was just the person to help her out. Without another word, she raised the wine glass to her lips.
When she had drained the last drop of the red wine, Jo Ann put down her napkin and excused herself from the table. She was drunk, she knew, but she didn't care. At last she felt free. Free from concern, free from responsibility. And free from anything that might prevent her from finally looking out for her own best interests.
She had been a dope, Jo Ann told herself while Laura finished her dinner. An absolute fool to allow Stan to wrap her around his little finger and then toss her away. She should have seen through him a year ago. He had never cared about her, really. All he cared about was himself.
But not Laura. Laura was different. Stealing a peak across the room, Jo Ann wondered why she had been so shocked, almost appalled, to find out that Laura was a lesbian. So what, she told herself angrily. It was time to cast aside the old world mores. Wasn't that precisely what she had left Bootesburg to do? And now, the first time she had come across something they didn't have back home, she had balked.
No more, Jo Ann decided. She would be cool, suave, cosmopolitan. Laura was a woman, just like herself. Perhaps with different interests, but not so far removed as to necessitate a feeling of discomfort. Jo Ann had acted like a scared kid. Somehow, she would have to show Laura that she was above such petty discriminations.
"Why don't you finish your wine in here with me?" Jo Ann called in what she imagined to be a light, pleasant tone of voice.
"Sure." Laura took her glass and left the table immediately. "I thought maybe you had sunk into one of your dark, thinking moods again."
"That's all over with," Jo Ann announced too vehemently. "Just forget the way I acted before. I'm fine now."
"Well, I'm certainly glad to hear that." Laura wore a patronizing look as she made herself comfortable on the far side of the sofa.
"You don't have to sit all the way over there," Jo Ann said, wondering where the floor had suddenly gone to ... and why her shoes felt as though they had helium in them. "I know you're not going to bite."
"My goodness," Laura said, moving closer, "what happened to you all of a sudden?"
"Knowledge, my dear. It does wonders." Jo Ann mocked an overly-regal tone. "Today I learned the truth about Stan and the truth about you ... and none of it bothers me in the least."
"Of course not," Laura nodded without belief and reached for a cigarette. "Would you like to smoke while you're forgiving the world for its sins?"
"That's not fair." Jo Ann heard the sudden rise in pitch of her own voice as the anger flared within her. "I'm sick of acting like a child. And I wish you wouldn't treat me like one, either."
"Oh, pardon me," Laura murmured, obviously stifling a laugh. "Now, what would the terribly adult Miss Mason like to do this evening? Movies? Television? Just name it."
For a moment, Jo Ann considered going out, but the thought of the weekend crowds, with all that liquor inside her, convinced her to shake her head no. "I'd rather stay home with you ... just the two of us," she said.
Laura's features converged, for a moment, into an expression of curiosity. Then she walked across the room and snapped on the television. "What would you like to watch?"
"Anything ... just anything." Jo Ann leaned back against the sofa and fought to keep her eyes open. The woozy feeling in her head was coming on fast and getting stronger with each passing moment. She felt glad she hadn't tried to go out.
The television screen blurred and Jo Ann looked away. She fought the urge to doze, aware of Laura right beside her on the couch and not wanting to be rude. Somehow, the day seemed to have slipped away from her. It was over ... yet she could not go to sleep for awhile. There was nothing more to be done, and yet nothing at all had been accomplished. Jo Ann seemed to hang in suspended animation, trusting completely in Laura ... devoid of a will of her own...
And then, she slept.
The sound of the newscaster was somewhere off beyond the realm of conscious attention. Jo Ann wrinkled her nose at the persistent irritation of his stacatto voice and rolled over. Beneath her head she felt something warm ... something soft. Laura's lap. She smiled, glad that her friend hadn't gone away.
"Are you awake yet?" a soft voice whispered above her.
Jo Ann nodded and yawned. She tried to open her eyes, but they wouldn't budge. Then the combination of softness and warmth took over and drew Jo Ann back to finish the dream she had started.
The next thing she heard was the click of the television being turned off ... and then silence. She listened for something familiar, but nothing came. Only silence. And then, slow, careful footsteps in her direction.
"Jo Ann? Jo Ann, wake up."
Jo Ann recognized the velvet voice. It was Laura. She yawned. "Jo Ann, it's one o'clock."
"So turn back the clock." Jo Ann yawned again, unwilling to allow anything to disturb her. She was too comfortable, too warm. And she liked just lying still, with someone close beside her.
"Jo Ann, do you want to sleep here?"
"Urn hmm." Jo Ann wrinkled her nose. Invitation accepted ... gladly.
"Then let me make the bed. Just get up for a minute."
Begrudgingly, Jo Ann pulled herself to her feet and allowed Laura to guide her to a nearby chair. Curling herself up between its arms, she fell quickly back to sleep.
"Come on now. The bed's made."
Automatically, Jo Ann stood up and walked until she felt something press against her shins. She knew it was the mattress. Opening her eyes only long enough to get her bearings, she lay down quickly and dove for the blessed darkness beneath the pillow.
"Jo Ann, you can't sleep with all your clothes on."
"Oh, yes I can," Jo Ann mumbled almost incoherently. She was beginning to feel slightly annoyed. Her sweet state of semi-consciousness had been threatened and interrupted too much. Soon she would wake up completely and she didn't want that. With morning, she knew, there would be a hangover to greet her. Tomorrow for hangovers and problems, Jo Ann thought. Right now she wanted more sleep and nothing else.
"Let me help you ... I've got pajamas you can wear ... come on, now."
Jo Ann yielded to the insistent pressure of Laura's fingers, tugging at her shoulder. Rolling onto her back, she pressed her eyelids tighter together and wished the overhead light would blow itself to bits.
"Light bothering you?" Laura seemed to have read Jo Ann's thoughts.
Jo Ann nodded and smiled as she heard Laura move to the wall. A moment later, a welcome blackness returned and Jo Ann relaxed once more.
"Let's get rid of the sweater first, huh?" Laura spoke as she would to a child.
Jo Ann nodded without opening her eyes. It felt so good to lie on cool sheets, so good to be catered to by someone who obviously had more control of her faculties than Jo Ann. As the top button of the sweater came open, she sighed happily. She was safe again. Laura was taking care of her.
The cold air hitting the tops of Jo Ann's breasts brought sudden awareness. The sweater was gone, she could feel that ... and hands were fighting with the zipper on her slacks.
Jo Ann raised her hips and allowed the lastex to be slipped down to her ankles and then away. A hand reached up for her brassiere ... a needle of excitement flashed down her flesh.
Jo Ann. moved her legs over the sheet as Laura's hands reached around for the clasp on her bra.
"You'll have to help me and roll over," Laura said, sounding slightly out of breath.
"It's hiding," Jo Ann giggled ... and didn't move.
Laura sighed and moved closer. "Remind me not to feed you anything but milk from now on," she said, reaching around to Jo Ann's back.
Jo Ann felt the closeness of another body and responded automatically. Despite the sleepy haze that surrounded her brain, she became aware of something ... something pleasurable beginning to happen to her. For a moment, she couldn't figure out why it had begun. But then she realized. Laura's arms were around her. Sweet Laura. Laura, her dear friend.
Without stopping to think, Jo Ann reached up toward the warm flesh above her and pulled it close.
"Watch that now," Laura's voice was almost sharp as she forced Jo Ann's quivering hands back to the sheet and pulled herself away. "We don't want to have any casualties tonight, do we?"
Jo Ann sensed an unspoken threat in the sudden separation of bodies that Laura had induced. It wasn't fair for her friend to pull away ... not tonight. Not when she needed so badly to be held, consoled, pampered.
"Come on, let me get rid of the rest of those clothes," Laura sounded slightly winded and impatient.
Without a word, Jo Ann rolled over and lay very still while her brassiere was unhooked. She felt the beginnings of desire throb through her breasts and she tried to fight it. But she knew it was no use. Something inside her, something urgent and undeniable was screaming for attention, commanding Jo Ann to seek a way of fulfillment and comfort. The means or the partner weren't important. All that mattered was that she quiet the growing need within her ... and quickly.
"Okay, now let's try to get the pajama top on."
Jo Ann was only vaguely aware of Laura's voice as she rolled over onto her back again and stretched her arms into the air. She knew the room was dark and the awareness lent a feeling of safety. Laura couldn't see her face ... she couldn't possibly be witnessing the need Jo Ann knew would be apparent there, if the light had been on. No matter what happened, Laura would think it was because Jo Ann was drunk. A perfect excuse.
Jo Ann purposely made it impossible for Laura to get the sleeve of the pajamas over her arm. A few minutes later, she heard her friend sigh and lean back against the mattress.
"Okay," Laura conceded, as though talking to herself. "Looks like there'll be no pajamas tonight."
Jo Ann smiled into the darkness. So far so good. Now, if Laura would only hurry and crawl under the covers.
The sounds of Laura getting undressed threatened to go on forever. Jo Ann lay very still, pretending to be asleep and hoping her friend would hurry and come back to bed. Her body ached with the need to be touched again ... fondled, caressed, satisfied. She wasn't alone in the bed ... at least she wouldn't be for long. And that knowledge was enough to make her tremble with expectancy.
The far side of the mattress dipped beneath Laura's weight. Jo Ann waited for her to get completely under the quilt before she rolled over ... right into Laura's arms.
"What's all this?" The astonishment was clear in Laura's voice.
Jo Ann didn't answer, but kept her eyes closed and hugged Laura tightly. She could smell the sweet scent of the woman's flesh and suddenly she became aware of the fact that Laura wasn't wearing pajamas either. A firm breast pressed against Jo Ann's shoulder. She snuggled closer, waiting to feel some response from the woman beside her.
Laura tried to edge away across the bed, but Jo Ann held her tighter. She could hear the woman's breathing grow shallow and more rapid. Good, Jo Ann told herself. At least she wasn't resisting.
"Come on, honey. You don't know what you're doing," Laura whispered as Jo Ann wrapped her legs about Laura and squeezed them tight.
Jo Ann took a deep breath and hoped that Laura was still fooled by her pretense of sleep. It was almost impossible for her to he still now.
Jo Ann felt Laura stiffen and pull away as her fingers reached up to fondle the woman's breasts. How long was Laura just going to He there like that, Jo Ann wondered, as her own aroused desire threatened to explode and crush her body.
"Please." Laura's voice was hardly audible as she tried to move Jo Ann's hand away. "Please, baby, don't."
Jo Ann's need heightened at the sound of Laura's attempt to refuse her. Now it had become a challenge, a strange new game. And Jo Ann swore to herself that she would win.
With movements calculated to inflame, Jo Ann squirmed against Laura's naked body and listened to the woman sigh. Her flesh was warm and moist and it felt good against Jo Ann's.
Suddenly Laura's hand began to move and Jo Ann smiled. Now it was going to happen. Soon, she would know what it meant to be satisfied.
Rolling flat onto her back, Jo Ann allowed Laura to touch her breasts. Beneath the woman's expert touch, Jo Ann's flesh sprang to erect, quivering points of life, to be fondled and kissed.
A glistening film of perspiration broke out to dampen Jo Ann's body and chill her. Pulling the quilt up to her chin, she moved a little closer toward Laura, anxious to feel the warmth she knew was there ... anxious to find peace and contentment through the workings of Laura's tender fingers.
The fingers crept slowly down over Jo Ann's naked belly and stopped there for a moment. Jo Ann tried to wait, but she couldn't. Reaching down, she pressed Laura's hand further along the path of pleasure, until the contact was complete and fulfillment was assured.
"We shouldn't, Jo Ann ... we shouldn't," Laura's voice rasped from somewhere in the darkness.
Lost in her climb toward release, Jo Ann ignored Laura's words. Writhing beneath Laura's hand, she drove herself faster ... harder ... then suddenly, the delicious contact was completely withdrawn.
Before Jo Ann could protest, warm lips covered her own and rendered her silent. The tip of a tongue darted between her teeth and revolved inside her mouth.
Jo Ann reached around to the nape of Laura's neck and buried her fingers in the smooth, lacy hair. Her body was on fire and she fought not to throw Laura onto her back and crawl on top of her. Jo Ann felt lost ... she didn't know what to do now. They had gone as far as her imagination had permitted. And the rest, she knew, was up to Laura.
As if sensing Jo Ann's pleas for guidance, Laura ended the kiss and placed her mouth at the edge of Jo Ann's shoulder. Slowly, lovingly, she kissed her way toward the hollow of Jo Ann's throat and then down to the yielding softness of her breasts.
Jo Ann took a deep breath as her body tingled with a happy new sensation. She raised herself slightly toward Laura as the woman continued to move downward...
A gasp tore loose from Jo Ann's throat. Instinctively, she raised her hips and sought to release the pressure that was driving her wild.
Laura's hands guided her into a slow, sensuous rhythm and Jo Ann fought to maintain it. Inside her skull, drums were pounding and she could no longer think. This was something she had never known ... never even guessed at. She could practically feel the blood coursing through her temples as that inevitable moment neared.
Reaching down along her own moist flesh, Jo Ann buried her fingers in Laura's hair and hung on as a reflexive spasm started in her limbs and set her body thrashing amid a hurricane of completion. It seemed to go on endlessly, churning, quaking, ripping the last of her strength from her body...
And then, sighing, relaxing, she began the slow, quiet descent back toward reality and awareness. She felt Laura move up toward the pillow. But now, she didn't care. She was calm again. Peaceful.
And the whys and wherefores of her strange actions could wait until tomorrow to be explored.