Chapter 10
The shrill sound of a cheap record player blasted out from behind an apartment door and down the dim, smelly hall. Jo Ann recoiled inwardly from the attack upon her senses that the environment of Leslie's house provided. Intent, however, on maintaining an optimistic outlook, she forced herself forward toward the noise.
At least there would be other people to talk to, she told herself, stealing a glance at Laura's solemn, uncommunicative expression beside her. They had exchanged hardly a dozen words on the way over from Sixth Avenue. Just as well, Jo Ann thought. Considering the lousy mood the liquor had left Laura in, the lack of conversation was probably a blessing.
"This is it." Laura's announcement seemed redundant as she came to a halt in front of a battered door that seemed to strain in a futile attempt to contain the noise behind it. "Well, don't just stand there looking stupid. Ring." She leaned heavily against a cracked wall and yawned.
Jo Ann raised her hand toward the door and fought the urge to turn and run. She had hoped that the prospect of a party would help Laura's mood as well as her own. But the undeniable fact of Stan Wyatt's existence hung between them, to fill Laura with jealous anger and Jo Ann with irritable discomfort.
"Hello, baby. Come right on in."
Leslie Porter, much changed from the way Jo Ann remembered her at their last meeting, smiled in the doorway and swayed slightly. Her straight black hair was pulled back severely and knotted at the nape of her neck. A tight fitting white sweater clung desperately to her breasts, revealing the outline of a white brassiere beneath.
Jo Ann pretended to overlook the fact that Leslie's enthusiastic welcome had obviously been directed toward Laura. She stepped timidly into the crowded apartment. A second later, the thick, smoke-laden air seemed to rush in and choke her. Jo Ann slipped off her coat, taking little breaths and trying not to choke.
The first thing she noticed was that there were no men. Glancing carefully around the room, Jo Ann stared at the sight of female couples, locked in tight, sensual embraces, barely moving to the blaring music. Somehow, the congregation didn't seem like a party. The atmosphere was too intense. Jo Ann didn't have to think twice to know why.
"Just throw your coat anywhere," Leslie ordered right behind her. "We'll sort all belongings whenever this shindig breaks up."
Jo Ann held her jacket in front of her, suddenly sorry that she had chosen to wear her tight black slacks. She felt naked. Exposed and up for sale in the presence of so many hungry eyes that stared from points about the room. Automatically she turned toward Laura for some assurance of protection.
The expression on Laura's face had softened miraculously to one of smiling complacency. Jo Ann watched her gaze slowly and carefully about the room, stopping to check a face, a body ... and then glancing away until something else caught her attention and inspired another degree of incandescence in her already sparkling eyes.
No need to worry about Laura not having a good time, Jo Ann thought glumly. It was apparent to Jo Ann that she would have to fend for herself.
"What're you drinking?" Leslie asked when Laura's coat was piled on top of Jo Ann's over a nearby chair.
"Anything that pours," Laura said, her eyes still leaping from one feminine body to another.
"I'll have scotch, if there is any," Jo Ann blurted, suddenly needing something to compensate for her feeling like a third wheel. She had never seen Laura so completely indifferent to her presence. And the sensation of being suddenly thrust on her own again was quickly threatening to make Jo Ann miserable.
Leslie led them to a cluttered, improvised bar and searched for a clean glass. Jo Ann stood right beside her, fidgeting with her hands and wondering if Leslie, too, was going to leave her to her own devices, once the first drink had been served. The prospect of being assimilated into that faceless mob that filled the room was a frightening one. And even though she knew she had no place else to go, Jo Ann still wished she hadn't come.
Her fears were soon substantiated. Almost as soon as the drink was in Jo Ann's hand, Leslie was gone. And so was Laura.
Jo Ann smiled sheepishly at nobody in particular and looked for something to lean against. The room had no furniture except for a few folding chairs and they were all occupied by coats and pocketbooks. Inching her way between the swaying bodies, Jo Ann crossed to the far side of the room and stationed herself against a cracked white plaster wall. There were at least twenty other women in the room, she guessed. Yet she couldn't help but feel abandoned.
The music paused momentarily while somebody turned over the records. Jo Ann watched from her darkened corner, catching an amorous glance from one girl and then turning from the sight of a long kiss shared by two others. No one in the room seemed to be in the least concerned with a sense of abnormality.
Jo Ann tried to look relaxed. She had heard about such parties before, but not having experienced the sight of one, she couldn't help but feel shocked. All about her, women acted as if their attitudes were the most natural and reasonable ones in the world. No men were needed. They had each other. And from the looks of things, Jo Ann sensed they had found a way to reconcile their differences from the rest of society.
"Wanna dance?"
Jo Ann almost dropped her glass at the suddenness and nearness of the contralto voice. Whirling to her left, she found herself staring into the glazed eyes of a middle aged women with thick, mannish features.
"No thanks. I'm with someone," Jo Ann quaked, hoping that the woman wouldn't press the issue and embarrass her further.
The stranger shrugged resignedly and slouched off into the crowd. Jo Ann relaxed. She was safe for awhile longer.
The music began again. Jo Ann took a sip of scotch and listened to the slow, sensual beat of drums. The song was a popular one and as an alto sax began to wail, she found herself humming along with the plaintive melody.
The level of conversation softened as the girls resumed their positions on the floor and began to move their hips in rhythm. Jo Ann squinted into the semi-darkness for a glimpse of Laura. She was not to be seen. Leaning back against the wall again, she decided not to worry about Laura. Tonight, Laura would be rotten company anyway. Absence was better than hostility.
The drink was gone. Jo Ann placed her glass on a win-dowsill and peeked through the shades out to the street. It had begun to drizzle and the sidewalks of the Village were almost clear of people.
A leaden hand descended on her shoulder. Jo Ann smiled to herself, glad that Laura had come back to find her. Without shifting her gaze from the street, she reached up to grasp the strong fingers near her collar.
The large pinky ring shocked her to awareness. Turning quickly, Jo Ann tried to stifle her cry of surprise at the sight of the strange face so close to her own.
"Come on, honey. You just gonna stand here all night by yourself?" It was the same woman who had approached her before.
Jo Ann cleared her throat and wished that Laura would come to her rescue. "I told you that I'm not alone," she said in the pleasantest tone she could muster.
"That's okay," the woman persisted. "Your girl's busy, too."
"What do you mean?" Jo Ann felt an instinctive de-fensiveness creeping up to alter her features and mold them into an expression of outraged disbelief.
"Look for yourself." The woman nodded toward the couples on the dance floor.
Jo Ann glanced past the woman's shoulder and instantly caught sight of the back of Laura's white shirt. The head that rested, eyes closed, face smiling, on Laura's shoulder belonged to none other than Leslie Porter.
Jo Ann stared, unable to tear herself away from the sight of Leslie's dreamy expression as she and Laura rocked back and forth to the commanding beat of the drums. Inside her chest, she could feel her heart pounding with her sudden anger. The two women were locked together, oblivious to everything around them. And from the way their hips were moving, Jo Ann could easily imagine what they were feeling.
"Well, how about it?" the woman asked again.
Without answering, Jo Ann led the way to the floor. She didn't know exactly what she expected to do with this stranger. But whatever it was, it had to be better than standing off by herself while Laura had a good time.
"Well?" The woman stood with her arms outstretched, waiting for Jo Ann to fill them.
"I ... I've never done this kind of a dance," Jo Ann stammered, aware that her cheeks were coloring and grateful for the lack of overhead light.
"Don't worry ... you'll learn quick." The woman closed the gap between them and pulled Jo Ann close.
Jo Ann concentrated all her attention on following the tempo and not stepping on her partner's toes. As she had expected, there wasn't much foot work involved. Only the slow undulation of hips and thighs in rhythm with the sultry music.
"That's just fine." The woman's voice was husky as she crushed Jo Ann's breasts flat against her own and rubbed their bodies back and forth against each other. "You say you never did this before? Bull."
Jo Ann didn't know whether to be flattered or insulted by the woman's uninvited familiarity. Deciding there was no harm in a dance, she kept quiet and resisted the urge to look over and see what Laura was doing.
She didn't have to look. Laura and Leslie walked past a moment later. Jo Ann followed their path with her gaze. It led to the other side of the room and through a doorway.
"That son of a bitch," Jo Ann muttered under her breath.
"What did you say, honey?" the woman asked, unwillingly loosening her grip on Jo Ann's body to peer into her face.
"Nothing." Jo Ann looked away and wondered just how far she should trust Laura. She wanted to run after them and see what was going on, but a sense of pride told her to stay where she was.
"By the way, my name's Cooky."
"Mine's Jo Ann."
"Nice name," Cooky whispered, spreading the odor of beer. "Sounds like a little girl."
"Thanks." Jo Ann fought not to scream as an overwhelming sense of confusion rose within her. What was she doing in the middle of a bunch of crazy women with a dyke who was half-loaded and feeling the hell out of her? What was she doing living with Laura? What was she doing living in New York altogether?
"I think I need another drink," Jo Ann said.
"Stay right here. I'll get it for you."
"Scotch."
"Right." The woman walked away.
Jo Ann resumed her vigil against the wall, thankful at least that she didn't have to fight the mob at the bar for a drink. Despite herself, she glanced often at the closed door through which Laura and Leslie had disappeared a few minutes ago. She was dying to know what was happening on the other side of that door. But she knew she dared not try to find out.
"Scotch for you and beer for me." Cooky emerged out of thin air and stood spread-legged before Jo Ann. "Bottoms up, baby."
Jo Ann nodded her thanks and raised the glass to her lips. It was crazy, she knew. The party, the incident at the office ... indeed, her whole life. Crazy, futile, and meaningless. And the more she thought about it, the less it seemed to matter.
"Come on, Jo ... drink up and let's dance some more." Cooky wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and put down her glass. "You don't want to waste all this good music, do ya?"
Jo Ann shook her head. She hadn't paid very close attention to the woman's words, but they couldn't be very important, she knew. Whatever Cooky might lack in the way of charm was compensated for by the fact that she was right there. Interested and solicitous and close. And if Cooky was the best company she could hope for tonight, Jo Ann knew she would be forced to accept, whatever the price.
Jo Ann walked out onto the dance floor behind Cooky and waited for the woman to turn.
As they began to move, Jo Ann leaned in close, grateful at least that the woman was taller than she. Maybe with her eyes closed, she could forget who she was dancing with. Maybe with her eyes closed, she could block out a lot of things.
It only helped slightly. As she allowed her cheek to be coaxed onto the woman's shoulder, Jo Ann knew that there was nothing about Cooky that could make her feel comfortable. She would just have to stick out the evening until Laura decided it was time to go home.
"Hey, baby, why so stiff all of a sudden?" Cooky asked somewhere above jo Ann's ear.
Jo Ann shrugged and tried to appear at ease. She knew that she couldn't tell Cooky the real reasons behind her discomfort. From her experience with Laura, she had learned that one didn't bring up the subject of men in such circles. Best that Cooky think Jo Ann's reticence was due to being shy.
"Oh, come on. You don't have to be shy with me," Cooky said when Jo Ann had recited her spontaneous lie. "We're old friends already."
"But what about Laura?" Jo Ann knew the meaning could easily be misconstrued, but the words were already out.
"In this game, we all know there aren't any rules," Cooky said. "You see your friend around anyplace?" Jo Ann shook her head.
"Well, there's your answer." Cooky slid her hand lower along Jo Ann's spine and increased the pressure there. "Now, how about it ... you gonna cry or have a good time?"
Jo Ann had to admit a perverse logic behind Cooky's words. It did seem that Laura was occupied somewhere else in the apartment. What was the sense of spending the evening leaning against a wall, Jo Ann thought.
"Okay," she murmured. "Let's have a good time."
"That's better." Cooky sounded pleased with herself. A moment later she led Jo Ann into a slow turn. By the time they came out of it, Cooky's hand had slid the rest of the way down to the seat of Jo Ann's pants.
Jo Ann felt uncomfortable, but took heart from the fact that nobody else seemed to give a damn what she was doing. Allowing Cooky to continue leading her, she leaned a little closer and wondered how much more boredom she would have to endure before the party was over.
The record turned out to be an LP and one song went right into another. After a few minutes, Jo Ann stopped thinking altogether, content just to go on dancing without the need to make conversation.
When she felt Cooky's fingers work their way up the sides of her sweater, Jo Ann tried not to squirm. Her instincts told her to pull away, but the knowledge that there were so many other people in the room provided a sense of a safety. Besides, nobody was looking. Nobody cared. Why should she?
The rigidness seemed to grab hold of Cooky's limbs all of a sudden and she stopped dancing. Jo Ann blinked her eyes once, then again, jarred by the abrupt end to their fluid movement. Why had Cooky stopped dancing, she wondered. A moment later, she knew.
Eyes flashing, jaw clenched, Laura stood not three feet away from them. Silent and seething, she glared at Cooky and then at Jo Ann.
"Laura, where have you been?" Jo Ann heard the trepidation in her own defensive tone and hated herself for it. She wanted to turn her back and keep right on dancing ... show Laura that she really didn't give a damn about what had been going on with Leslie in the other room. But the same cowardice, the same desperate fear of winding up alone forced her to be sweet ... to rack her brain for something that would placate the thoughts that were obviously going through Laura's mind. "I was beginning to wonder if you had left."
"I'll bet you were," Laura snapped, her words thickened by liquor, her tone quavering with fury. "Didn't take you long to replace me, either, did it?"
"Now, wait just one damned minute..." Cooky leaped into the conversation, sounding like she was ready for a brawl.
"You stay the hell out of this," Laura's tone grew louder.
Jo Ann saw the girls around them stop dancing and turn to see what all the noise was about. "Come on, now, you two," she coaxed in the most cheerful voice she had. "Let's not ruin a good party."
"You mean, let's not ruin your party," Laura yelled. Then she turned to Leslie, who had stood drunkenly immune to everything. "Get my coat, Les."
Leslie disappeared like a well-oiled robot.
"Where are we going?" Jo Ann asked.
"We aren't going anyplace. I'm getting out of here." And with that, Laura turned and walked toward the door.
"Come on, don't let her shake you, baby." Cooky sounded almost pleased with what had transpired. "Tomorrow, you'll kiss and make up. Let's dance."
Jo Ann didn't resist as Cooky pulled her back into a tight embrace and picked up the tempo of the music. As they danced, she kept turning, hoping to find some sight of Laura. When she found her, Leslie was escorting Laura out the door.
"Please, let me go." Jo Ann pulled back from the bewildered Cooky.
"What's the matter, honey?" Cooky stared, bleary-eyed, as if not quite able to comprehend what was going on around her.
"Laura left," Jo Ann called over her shoulder as she started for the door. Winding her way between the swaying couples that seemed to be purposely blocking her way, she finally reached the other side of the room and grabbed for the doorknob. Wrenching it around, she pulled open the door and ran out into the dank hallway.
It was empty.