Chapter 3
The cold night air hit her like a lead wall and sent her staggering down the street. Jo Ann closed her lips tightly against the wind and forced her feet to carry her forward. She knew she had forgotten her bag and her coat, but somehow, that didn't seem to matter. People stared, but she kept on walking. She should be cold, she knew, but only her lips responded to the weather. Only her bruised, aching mouth, where Stan had pressed against her teeth and brought her pain.
Her calves began to ache and Jo Ann considered removing her shoes. She would have done so, except that she couldn't find them. She knew her feet were down there somewhere near the sidewalk, where ever that was. It was all too confusing. She would keep the shoes on. To hell with her feet. To hell with Stan and marriage and everything else. She wanted to be alone.
The old man's eyes darted down to her breasts and back up to her face. His hungry expression was apparent to her, even in her drunken state, and Jo Ann cursed loudly at the preposterous, would-be lover. The man hurried across the street as Jo Ann's poisonous laughter rang through the air after him.
Two blocks away she could see the lights of the Fifty-Ninth Street circle. Jo Ann headed in that direction, eager to see smiling faces ... desperate to rid herself of the slimy feeling that clung to her skin. It was cold, she knew.
She should be freezing. She felt nothing. Only hate. And confusion.
Couples strolled arm in arm along Fifth Avenue, comfortable in each other's presence, despite the weather. Jo Ann watched them from her bench near the fountain and despised them all. Why should they be so damned happy, she asked herself. What had they ever done to deserve it? It was she who was entitled to the emotion. She, Jo Ann Mason, who should rightfully be laughing and flirting and having a good time with her man. But all she could do was watch from a distance and grow progressively more nauseous.
She thought about going back to Stan's place for her coat, but instantly decided against it. He wouldn't try to touch her again, she knew, but still, she couldn't see him. She couldn't face him. At least not until she had had a chance to calm down and unravel the mystery that had caused her to become hysterical. For a moment, she thought she knew what it was that had set her off. Still, she couldn't be sure. And she knew she mustn't make any move at all until she knew what she was doing ... and why.
A policeman looked at her curiously, but passed on without questioning her presence. Jo Ann got up and started walking west. Tonight she just didn't fit in anywhere, she told herself belligerently. She was a total misfit. Frigid and violent and heaven only knew what else set her apart from the rest of the human race ... a failure.
The lobby of the Plaza Hotel was crowded with well-dressed people as Jo Ann passed by its doors and glanced in. If only she could be one of them, she thought, noticing their beautiful clothes and feeling shabby in comparison. Forty dollars. Half a week's salary for a dress. And when it was all done, she still looked like something fresh off the farm.
The quiet of Central Park South was dark and inviting. Jo Ann staggered down the block, anxious to escape the bright lights that were forcing her to view herself with contempt and disdain. There, before her, lay an expanse of street that seemed deserted. Perhaps she could find herself if she walked there. Perhaps, in that darkness, she would discover an answer to her irrational behavior and finally know herself.
The trees tilted crazily above her head and Jo Ann laughed at their unnatural angles. Her eyes were playing tricks on her, she knew, but they were funny tricks and she liked them. As she walked, her laugh grew louder. Suddenly everything was funny ... Stan and herself and her screwy ideas of marrying one of the bosses. "How stupid," she thought aloud. How preposterous to think that half a glass of scotch could blot out a fear she had lived with ever since she could remember.
A woman turned her nose up haughtily and Jo Ann stopped laughing. "Go ahead, scowl, you old stiff," she called after the retreating figure. So what if the woman was pretty, Jo Ann muttered under her breath. That still didn't give her the right to look down on Jo Ann.
The light turned red at the corner and Jo Ann crossed the wide street. On the other side, a low, gray stone wall guarded the borders of Central Park. In the darkness, Jo Ann moved toward it, eager to find a bench where she could rest and reorganize her thoughts.
The group of boys stopped talking the moment she came into view. Jo Ann pretended not to notice their probing eyes and flashing teeth as they started to make obscene jokes about her. Quickening her pace, she walked past them, anxious to escape the sight of men, hungry for her flesh.
"Hey, baby, you got the time?"
Jo Ann recognized the tone and tried to flee from it.
But the sidewalk suddenly veered off course and began to turn upside down.
"You better be careful, honey, or you'll fall down."
Jo Ann felt the hand grasping her arm and yanked away. She stumbled and the sidewalk began to reach up for her. Suddenly she stopped in midair, as strong hands caught her shoulders and yanked her back to an upright position.
"Thank you..." Jo Ann Started to speak, but the sight of that same leering boy from the bench made the words catch in her throat.
"Maybe you like to sit down and rest a little, lady?" His eyes sparkled and his green shirt clashed with the color of his tie.
"No, I'll be all right." Jo Ann tried not to sound frightened. "Just let me..."
"No, you better sit down." The boy looked past her shoulder and suddenly his friends seemed to crawl out of the darkness.
Jo Ann tried to count them, but they kept moving in all directions. "Please..." her voice started to quaver and the beginnings of awareness chilled her more than any winter night could ever. "I have to go home now..."
"You don't look too good," the boy continued. "I think you should rest. What do you think?" He turned, grinning to his companions for support.
"Yes ... yes ... rest." Their voices darted about Jo Ann's head, making it turn quickly in futile attempts to find their sources.
"But I don't want to sit..." Jo Ann's protest was weak and spiritless.
"I don't think you know what you want, baby," the leader said and stood proudly until his friends had finished laughing at his remark. "Maybe you better come with us. We show you something you like."
"No..." Jo Ann started to balk, but another boy was right beside her, blocking her path. She whirled and suddenly there were boys all around her ... laughing ... mocking ... devouring the sight of her scantily clothed body with hungry eyes.
She would have screamed, but a hand closed quickly over her mouth. Jo Ann felt the presence of boys on all sides of her as unfamiliar hands urged her toward an opening in the park wall and then across the grass. Once, she managed to forced her head around to look behind her, but she couldn't see the street anymore. And she knew that no one passing by would be able to see her either.
The park was black except for occasional circles of light thrown by the yellow street lamps. As she stumbled forward, Jo Ann's soft whine of protest was lost among the raucous howls of laughter and obscene conversation of the boys around her.
"Over there," one of them called, pointing to a clump of low bushes beside a tall, dark boulder.
Jo Ann tried to pull away, but there were too many hands holding her. Inside her skull, a giant hammer pounded mercilessly and a great throbbing racked her temples. She felt herself being steered down a path, between trees and then pulled to a stop.
Jo Ann urged her eyes to focus, but the moonless night and thick underbrush made clear vision impossible. She heard laughing voices behind her, but she couldn't make out what they were saying. All she knew was that she had to get away and save herself.
With all the strength she could summon, Jo Ann kicked out at the nearest shin. The toe of her pointed shoe found its mark. Jo Ann heard the boy cry out only a split second before his fist came smashing across her face. Her stomach lurched violently and threatened to block out awareness altogether. Jo Ann fought the dizziness in terrified silence.
"Hey, take it easy with the broad," the leader's voice commanded from somewhere in the darkness. "She won't be as good if she's out cold."
"But the bitch kicked me..." a whining voice protested as its owner rubbed an aching shin.
"You'll get your chance to pay her back," the first boy answered. And everybody laughed but Jo Ann.
"Come on, bring her over here," the leader said from the other side of the clearing.
Jo Ann tried to break away, but it was no use. Foot by foot she felt herself losing ground as the boys dragged and tugged her roughly over the rocky terrain. She tried to bite the fingers that covered her mouth, but her jaw was numb and refused to move.
Finally, they stopped moving. One of them shoved her and she felt the trunk of a tree press into her back. Tears sprung to her eyes as the rough bark scraped her shoulders and scratched her skin. The voices tapered off to complete silence then, as the leader approached and stood not two feet away from Jo Ann.
Jo Ann stared back at him and the boy's face widened in a slow, lascivious grin. His eyes traveled the length of her trembling body, feasting on every curve.
"You gonna be nice, baby," he hissed, reaching out and pressing a palm over Jo Ann's breast. "Very nice."
Jo Ann shrank from his touch, but the trunk of the tree behind her prevented escape. Breathing heavily, she glared defiantly as the boy began a slow, circular movement with his hand. She tried to speak, but the words were muffled by the hand still over her mouth.
"We let you go, if you promise not to yell," the boy said, glancing up at Jo Ann's face. "You promise?"
Jo Ann nodded quickly and took a deep breath the second the hand was removed from her face. "Please..." she begged, when she could speak. "Let me alone..."
"You crazy, baby?" The leader smiled and his friends chuckled. "Guys like us need a girl like you."
"I've never..." Jo Ann began, before an overwhelming shame silenced her.
"We show you how, liar," the leader spat. "You learn very quickly, I bet."
Jo Ann felt her knees buckle and she braced herself for the fall. Instantly there were hands about her waist, hoisting her back to a standing position, hurting the flesh beneath her clothing.
"That's a nice dress you got on." The leader closed the short distance between himself and Jo Ann with one step. "You wanna take it off?"
Jo Ann started to speak, but the boy didn't wait for an answer. His hands shot out and closed about her hips, pulling Jo Ann in his direction.
Jo Ann fell forward into his arms and the boy tilted his head down toward her mouth. His tongue dove deeply between her lips until Jo Ann thought she was going to gag from the intrusion.
Suddenly the leader pulled away and turned to the boy beside him. "Stay over there," he ordered, nodding toward the far side of the clearing. "We don't want any visitors."
In a moment the boy was gone and the leader returned his attention to Jo Ann. "How you doin', honey?"
Jo Ann knew he didn't want an answer and so she gave none. Her brain churned wildly in a vain attempt to fathom a way of escape. But even as she thought, Jo Ann knew there was no hope.
Cruel, sadistic fingers squeezed her breasts and Jo Ann winced from the pain. She could see the evil smile on the boy's face, but it didn't seem to register. All she knew was that she suddenly felt tired ... old and worn-out ... and the cold ground beneath her became irresistible.
"That's it, baby ... lie down." The boy let Jo Ann slide to the earth and then released her.
Through terror-widened eyes, Jo Ann watched him kneel down beside her. She wanted to yell at him ... to claw out his eyes and ruin him with her knee ... but she couldn't move. Her throat was on fire and her legs were numb ... her whole body ached with fear and exhaustion ... and she wanted only to die.
Above her attacker, eager eyes stared down at her, waiting for a reaction ... silently asking for something to excite their owners. Jo Ann looked away, unable to face the hideous faces that were looming in the darkness, waiting for their turn to come closer ... counting the minutes until she would be theirs.
Long fingers reached for her knee and rubbed their way up under her dress. Jo Ann tried to move, but a great weight held her down. She whimpered softly. Her nylon stockings gave way to insistent tugging and Jo Ann felt them roll and curl near her ankles. Thrashing her head from side to side, she tried to muster up the energy to push the boy off her body. But her struggles only seemed to arouse him further and he pressed himself down harder on top of her.
"You gonna give me a hard time?" The boy's fingernails dug into the tender area of Jo Ann's thighs and made her scream with the pain.
Immediately, her voice was cut off again by a rough hand and her head held still.
Jo Ann felt her new black panties rip as they were forced from her hips. She tried to fight the hands that tugged her dress up over her thighs, but a few minutes later the coolness of damp earth chilled the backs of her legs and she knew her exposure was complete.
As the leader moved closer, the horrible awareness of what was about to happen charged Jo Ann's body with a super-human burst of strength. Digging her heels into the ground, she forced herself upward and sank her teeth into the fingers that pressed against her mouth.
There was a fast shuffling of bodies and an angry grunt of pain. As Jo Ann pulled herself to a sitting position, she sensed a quick movement on either side of her. Before she could move to defend herself, she was forced back down to the ground and pinned there.
"Please, I never ... I swear..." Jo Ann begged for the short moment it took the leader to return to her. She closed her eyes just as his slap stung her cheek and set her head ringing dully.
But the pain in her head lasted only a moment before another, greater pain ripped through her and blotted out everything else.
Jo Ann lay mute and impassive to the sounds and movements about her. Once, she thought about Stan ... about home ... about the way she had hoped it would be. But soon, she couldn't think, she couldn't respond to anything.
Through glazed eyes, she saw the boy's face above hers, contorted with desire, shriveled with intensity. Only vaguely was she aware of his departure and the immediate presence of another face.
A hand crept down into the top of her dress, but Jo Ann didn't feel its presence. Once, she saw the tops of the trees fall from view and she knew she was rolling over onto her stomach. Once, she saw a flash of skin in front of her eyes ... once, she felt a belt buckle scrape across her forehead...
After awhile, Jo Ann stopped caring. They lifted her, turned her, positioned her, but she didn't know it. She remembered Roger Harris, as one of the strangers rubbed her breasts and kissed them. Then, quickly, surprisingly, the voices began to fade, and the laughter disappeared among the trees.
And Jo Ann stared up at the cloudy sky ... alone.