Chapter 9
"How long have you had these dreams?"
"Too long."
"Please try to be more specific. I know you're upset, but it's very important we talk about them. You must trust me. Ok? Fine! How long? Six months? A year?"
"Two years ago they started. At first, in the beginning I thought they were funny, if you know what I mean. But they wouldn't go away. They got stronger. I'd wake up in the middle of the night squeezing and holding my breasts. It was always the same dream. Over and over again. Always that weekend, bad weather and I was stuck having to kill some time before I went back to work. Always that weekend, but always different guys. Each dream was more vivid than the last. On the one hand I was scared, on the other, I couldn't wait to go to bed. I wanted to go to bed. I enjoyed the dreams more than being awake. But I shouldn't have-they were wrong. How could I feel that way? Me, a Nun!
"I can close my eyes and see it now. It's as if I'm there and they're touching me, making love to me! Always Friday night and Saturday. But never on Sunday ... never. Not once in two years on Sunday. I'd always wake up! What's wrong with me? I'm a nun-married to Jesus-a servant of God. Why do I dream this dream? Why? Do I want to offer my body to the flesh of other men rather than to the spirit and love of God?"
"Here's a kleenex and some water. Just relax. What's important now is the fact you've come to me for help. You faced up to the problem and you're not running away. Everything we discuss everything-will be confidential. No one in the Church or anywhere will ever know about this."
"Thank you. I feel better. Let's get started. I'll do anything you tell me. I trust you. I was scared when I came in here and when I called you on the phone begging for help and even before."
"Good, let's talk. When I ask you a question, answer how you feel. Not the way you think you should or you think I want you to. Only tell me the way you feel. Right? Good. Now, first things first-How old are you? What is your birth name? Any sibblings? Where were you born? Are your parents alive? Tell me a little about your childhood"
"Wow! You don't waste time, do you! Let's see. Thirty-four years old. Only child. Both parents killed car accident about two-and-a-half years ago. Was born, grew up and went to school in a small town in upstate New York on Lake Ontario. I think I had a good childhood. Nothing special. Went to teachers college in Minnesota. Graduated, got a job in Chicago for two years. Hated the little bastards. Wanted to do something worthwhile, so I broke one habit-teaching-and took up another ... the cloth. That was ten years ago."
"Tell me again the story you started to tell me on the phone, why you finally wanted to see me! Start from the beginning and give me specific details."
COMMENTS
Session lasted fifty-three minutes. Sister Bernadette-Sally Ann Lawton-arrived promptly at her scheduled appointment at 2:55 P.M. Extremely anxious and nervous upon arrival, she demonstrated a remarkable ability to verbalize her tensions and express herself. Am contacting her doctor to deter-mine possible physical impairment-doubt it. Unusual, very unusual case! Feel she's not telling all. Extremely attractive, if not sexy. Hard to believe she is a penguin. Does not fit standard stereotype of nun. Appointment in two weeks!