Chapter 6
Steven J. is a thirty-year old mechanic working in a small coastal town North of Los Angeles. His manner is easy and uninvolved. He is quick to smile at a joke and the first to correct a misunderstanding. His genuinely civilized attitudes and actions, however, were met with an extreme situation which finally drove him into the offices of psychiatrists and other professionals of the mind.
Steven had married young. His wife and himself were both sixteen when married, and one year later they had their first child. The child's name was Elaine, and she was destined to change both of their lives.
Elaine became a burden on Steven's wife and soon came to represent to the young woman a 'threat' to her life and freedom. In anticipation of the women's liberation movement, Steven's wife took the money and left. With a sly grin, Steve will tell you that she wanted her freedom but now is entrapped in a horrendous situation with a wealthy manufacturer in New York City.
The life that Steve lived after the separation is what we shall concern ourselves with here. His growing relationship with his daughter provides us with the central theme, and the eventual result of this relationship is the major thrust of Steven's statement.
Using the tape recorder, I was able to elicit an in-depth story from Steven, going into intimate detail about the developing relationship with his daughter, Elaine.
I suppose I could see it coming from the time Elaine was a little girl. There was something different about her, something that demanded attention and love. She would go to any extremes to secure those things, and I guess what has come to pass represents nothing more than an extension of those desires.
For years after my wife left, Elaine and I lived in a kind of simplified harmony. She was a good girl, but sometimes bent on pranks and mischief. But, she was still my daughter and always acted in the manner. Then, when she started grammar school I started noticing changes in her ... ways of behavior that should have given a clue as to what was coming.
When Elaine was about eight years old, it began. She was a striking little girl. Her hair was light brown, and her eyes were a wild kind of blue. Sometimes, she would look at me and those eyes would penetrate beyond myself, as though she was seeing something else. But she was a beautiful child, and her beauty was a factor.
One day, I was taking a shower. I thought that Elaine had gone over to her girlfriend's house to play so I wasn't too careful about closing the bathroom door. But all the time I was showering, Elaine was standing at the edge of the curtain peeking in. Her eyes were wide, and there was no doubt that my prick held some fascination for her.
"Could I come in there with you?"
I didn't know what to do, I realized that the implications were in my mind alone so I told her that it was alright.
It was kind of exciting being naked with her. Her shiny little body didn't show any signs of womanhood, and all there was really to distinguish her from a boy was the fine little slit that ran up from between her legs. But even though physically she wasn't a woman, there was something that was incredibly feminine about her.
"Let me wash you...." She took the bar of soap and reached up to my chest and began soaping me. I remember becoming nervous because her arms kept grazing my penis, and I knew that if the scene continued that I would have an erection.
Then, almost as though she was reading my fears, she brought the soap down my belly and began washing my pubic hair. She touched the base of my stem, then took all of it into her hand.
"Elaine!" I screamed, feeling panic surge through me as I tried everything I knew to keep myself from getting hard.
"What's wrong, daddy ... I'm just washing you...."
I would come to know the innocent language, the wide-open eyes as a sign of mischief. She had learned to use these weapons well, and almost everybody was powerless before them.
She continued to wash me and I grew hard. There was no reaction when finally my penis stood out hard and straight. She just kept washing it as though nothing was happening.
But I was trembling. The sexual excitement of the moment was intense. It was a strange feeling to have her inadvertently jacking me off, her small hands running up and down the length of my hot skin. Finally, though, I had to pull her away. The last thing I wanted to do was to come.
That was the first episode of this kind that I experienced with Elaine. It started me thinking, and I realized that if I was to raise a normal daughter, I would have to make myself strong with her and never allow to happen what had happened that day in the shower. The only way I knew how to accomplish this was to get myself a woman who would satisfy me continually so that I could deal with Elaine on a more normal basis.
The woman who caught my eye was a widow who was a little older than myself living by herself in a remote cabin in the hills behind the town. I had seen her many times drive into town, stop at the store for supplies then head back up into the mountains to preserve her private hermitage. I decided that I would pay her a visit and see if maybe I could get something started between us.
I drove the ten miles over dirt roads and then reached a dead end. I knew she lived back here, because hers was the only house around. I parked the car and started back into the dense forest on foot.
It was a warm day, and there was little wind. The sun beat down through the tall trees in heated shafts, and by the time I reached the edge of her property I had stripped to the waist.
I crept like an Indian around the perimeter of the one bedroom cabin, looking for some sign of life. When I reached the rear area of the house, I found it.
She was laying on a blanket. Her legs were spread just slightly, and her large, melon shaped breasts rose and heaved with her slow breathing. I had expected a lot of things on my voyage to her home, but the last thing I had expected to find was Germaine sunbathing in-the nude!
I sat down on a rock and tried to work things out. I knew if I approached her from out of nowhere that she would frighten and that would be the end of that. I thought of going back into town and trying to call her, then remembered that she didn't have a telephone. I knew that she knew who I was, I had done work on her car many times. There was only one way to solve the problem. I walked back into the woods and called out her name as though it was my initial approach.
"Germaine!"
No answer.
"Germaine ... !" I imagined her running naked into the house and pulling on clothing over that luscious body of hers. I was sorry that I had not approached her on first sight.
"Steven ... !!!" Her voice echoed from the rear of the house. She knew who I was by the sound of my voice, or was watching me from some secluded look-out.
I followed her calls. When I turned the corner at the rear of the house, I realized that I had taken the proper tact.
"Why hello!" She seemed very happy to see me. She was still naked and made no attempt to cover herself. Her long, black hair hung over her tits, and her black, silken vagina was spread somewhat because of the cross-legged style in which she was sitting.
I mumbled something about driving through the woods and getting lost. Germaine laughed, and then lay back, bringing her knees high and keeping her thighs close together.
"You mean", she said, toying with the high grass next to her blanket, "that you didn't want to see me?"
"Yes," I admitted, feeling myself growing hard, "I guess I did want to see you...."
"And this?"
She let her knees fall apart. I was staring right down between them at her pink crack. She was big there, the lips seemed larger than most women's. I wanted inside.
"You don't waste time!"
"I can't," she replied, pulling her legs back together, "it gets pretty lonely up here all by myself...."
As I sat down next to her, she took my hand and glided it up between her legs. When my fingers reached her honey-pot, she closed her thighs around me. She was warm and moist, ready for action.
"Feel good?"
"Yeah...." And then she slid her hand up between my legs and touched my balls. She felt around until she worked my stem free of the bonds of my pants and rode her fingers up and down the length.
"You feel pretty good, too." And then she grew very serious, her eyes became cloudy and she looked worried.
"What's the matter?" I asked, pulling my hand from between her thighs.
"It's just this...."
"What do you mean ... ?"
"Well," she began, sitting up and facing me squarely. I wanted to reach out and take her breast, but this was not the time for that. "I live up here alone. I mean, I'm totally free. I can run around naked, I can fuck anyone who comes along and there's no one who gives a shit. I just want to make sure it stays that way between-us. My body is yours if you want to use it, but the rest of me remains mine, alright?"
She was a strange woman. There was something almost spiritual about her, an element that seemed to emanate from within her shining blue eyes. I agreed to her terms because they fit mine, but my motivations were of a far different nature than were hers.
"Good," she said after I voiced my approval, "now let's fuck the afternoon away ...."
She was at my zipper before I had a chance even to stretch out beside her. In another moment, she had my prick in her hands and was working the organ slowly and gently.
"I'm glad you came," she whispered as her eyes followed her hands, "the men in town are afraid of me. They never come up here. Too bad, they could all have me if they just tried."
She had been a legend of sorts in the small town. A woman who had reverted to animalistic styles of life, a witch of the highest order. But, as I discovered that day, she was none of those things.
"Take off your clothes...."
I stood up and stripped. When I was naked, she wrapped her arms around my legs and kissed the tip of my penis. She licked me there, then went underneath and scorched the underside of my prick all the way to the base. When she reached the end, she took the bulk of me inside her mouth.
She sucked hard and long on me, pulling her lips along my hot skin and drawing my prick far into her mouth. She was a slow worker, she made every movement count. I found her delicious.
When she finally pulled off, I pushed her back onto the blanket. She lay back quietly, spreading her legs and pulling my head in towards her cunt.
She was hot and wet. Her skin throbbed with juices, and there were strains of heat flowing from her that were warmer than the afternoon sun. I licked at her crack, riding up and down the soft tissues of her vagina. Her clit was erect and large, larger than any woman's I had ever seen. I took the bud between my teeth and bit down. Germaine screamed and threw her pelvis high into the air.
"Oh baby ... you've found my secret!!!" She cried as I continued to bite down on her magical pearl.
Her thighs were wrapped tightly around my head, she seemed eager to pull me all the way inside her. She was a wild animal, thrusting and twisting with complete abandonment. There was no end to the pleasure that she would demonstrate. I had never known a woman so full of passion as this one.
I finally pulled away from her seething cunt and hovered above her. My prick found the hole without any trouble and I was soon floating inside her warm depths, trying to reach the end of her.
She wrapped her legs around my back and pulled me tightly into her. She was wide open, completely accessible without any concern for her modesty. She wanted to get as much as possible from me, and there were no limits to the things she would do to get this.
When I came, I heard her moan. It was a disappointing cry, and I figured that I hadn't lasted long enough. She lowered her legs and let them fall apart on either side of my body.
"Again?" She asked, her eyes on fire and her breath warm and husky.
"In a sec...."
"Okay. But don't move ... please."
She wanted me between her legs. She closed her thighs around my penis and held me there. There was no way that I could pull myself free.
Finally, after a few minutes of relaxation, I grew hard again. When she felt my meat growing inside herself, she smiled.
"You're good...."
And then we began again. This time, the movements were less frantic and more evenly paced. Her thrusts were slow and grinding, and our bones in the pelvic region clashed with every movement.
But the fury of the first time had died down. And with it, her seemingly uncontrollable passion. Now, she was working steadily towards her end, grinding evenly into a sought after place. I worked smoothly with her and then let her do the moving when I felt her vagina begin to tighten and throb.
"Oh ... please ... easy ... go, go, go!!!"
She came softly, like a small deer crying in the forest. Her body shuddered, then fell back into a peaceful state of rest. I lay on top of her for over an hour, listening to the wind as it made its journey through the fragrant pines all around us.
The afternoon with Germaine, the establishment of our agreement not to get involved served the purpose which I had been seeking. When I arrived home that night, I felt much better about my life and my daughter. I knew that now I would be able to resist any and all advances made upon me by my daughter, and that I would be able to resume my role as a father ... and nothing more.
Four years passed and nothing much happened. Elaine was blooming into a fine looking girl. Her breasts were small and pointed and added a great deal of charm to her small, boyish figure. But there was no doubt that she was turning into a very sexy woman. The relationship with Germaine had allowed me to think more freely about my own daughter, and at that time I secretly envied the lucky bastard who would eventually marry Elaine.
During this period of time, I saw what appeared to be good changes in Elaine. She was turning into a lady. Those wild moments that had existed before were now only memory. My hopes for the future were always brightening.
The best times spent during those years were with Germaine. I enjoyed her sense of freedom, and her complete lack of modesty about herself. Afternoons, I would drive up to her place and find her walking the woods wearing only her smile. She looked beautiful in the nude, had a full and natural body. She seemed perfect for her surroundings, a feat that many women never quite achieve.
Many times, I would watch her ride her horse. She would ride him naked, and her breasts would move evenly and with grace as the horse galloped through the forest. When she returned from those outings, her cunt was always teeming with her own juices. She would tell me how she got herself off, the feeling of having a pulsating animal between her naked thighs always worked for her and she enjoyed it.
They were good days. But now, after what has happened, I realize what I was doing. At home, with my own daughter, I was trying to raise a perfect little lady. I wouldn't allow Elaine to wear her bikini around the house or to walk around in bra and panties like she enjoyed doing. But once I left that house, I would seek the open naturalness of Germaine. Her nakedness, which was almost constant, plus her unchecked enjoyment of sex were things that I prized highly in her. I had, then, established a duality for myself. My hypocritical scene, though, was soon to be discovered by my daughter. And that would be th catalyst that changed everything.
One evening, when Elaine was thirteen, I came home late from Germaine's. Elaine was waiting up for me in the living room. She wore a tee shirt, and little else. Her long, smooth legs were tucked up underneath her, and the bottom of the shirt was putted high across her tight little ass. She was a beautiful sight, but one that inspired fear in me.
"Elaine," I shouted, angered by her sudden breaking of my rules, "I've told you never to dress like that!"
"Yes, daddy." And then she got up and walked around the living room. Her breasts were bouncing beneath the shirt, and her nipples protruded openly against the thin fabric. She was showing herself off to me, being deliberately belligerent.
"Stop that, Elaine...."
"Stop what?" She turned to me with those open blue eyes of hers and smiled coyly. She knew exactly what she was doing, and was getting some kind of charge from doing it.
"You know very well what I mean, young lady!"
Then she sat down across from me. She let her legs dangle out in front of her, and the hem of the shirt was just above the line of her pubic hair. She was wide open, and her pink crack stared me right in the face.
"Why is it all right for that witch in the mountains to ride her horse naked? How come both of you sit around out there in the nude, feeling each other up? Huh, why is that okay?"
She had been to the cabin. She had seen Germaine and myself fucking and sucking and doing everything else that I so desperately wanted to protect Elaine from. Now, the truth of my little game emerged, and there was very little defense that I could muster. But I gave it my best.
"Germaine," I said, directing my eyes into hers so that I would not be peering up between her slender thighs, "we are two consenting adults. Whatever we do it is because we are old enough to realize the consequences of our actions. You, on the other hand, do not understand the implications of human passion...."
I was pleased with my little speech. I could see that she was a little surprised by it. She had never heard me speak with such zeal.
"Daddy ... look at me, I'm old enough for that, aren't I?"
I was afraid of what was coming. She stood up in front of me and lifted her shirt. Her small little pubis looked gorgeous and threatening at the same time. Her cunt hairs were thinly moulded and gave visual access to almost all of her crack. There was the little girl with the pink, shiny slit and the surrounding bush that would turn her into a woman.
"Goddammit, Elaine ... all girls go through what you're going through! It just takes time ... "
"Oh, fuck you!"
She ran into her room. She was angry with me because I had turned her down. She had lifted her shirt for me, had exposed that very delicate and new part of her to my eyes and all I had done was to yell at her. I was very confused at that moment. I remember wishing that she had a mother, someone who could explain the details of what was happening to her body. I felt that if that happened, then maybe the whole situation could be cleared up. I decided to try Germaine, to see if she would help me out.
Germaine was more than willing to help. I drove Elaine up to her cabin on a warm, summer afternoon. When the two met, I felt very much out of place. They seemed very much alike, as though they had known each other for a long time. Being the perfect gentleman, I decided it better if I was not present and took a long walk in the woods.
"We had a wonderful time!" Germaine said happily when I returned three hours later.
But Elaine was strangely subdued. I took her silence as a sign that she had grown sober, that Germaine had told her the facts of life and these details had impressed her into a new attitude towards herself and towards me. It wasn't until we were halfway down the mountains that Elaine began to tell me about what had happened.
"I'm not really sure...." She answered. I had asked her why she was crying. Tears had been flowing down her cheeks from the moment we had started home.
"C'mon Elaine," I begged, not knowing how to handle her when she cried, "you can tell me. Maybe there's something we can all learn from this."
"Well," she began, staring at the floor of the car, "it was awful."
"Awful! I thought you two had a good time?"
"She did. I guess she digs that kind of thing."
"What kind of thing, Elaine? Tell me every thing. What happened when I left you two alone?"
I was beginning to feel panic. I realized that after all the time I had spent with Germaine, there was still something about her that always eluded me. She was too wild, too open and free. She was an escape valve for me, and now I had included my daughter in that scene. I hadn't realized just how far I had gone.
"After you left...." She was having trouble, and she was genuinely upset. "We went into the house. She took off her robe that she was wearing and walked around naked."
"She always does that, Elaine, it's part of her scene...."
But I knew that making herself naked in front of my daughter was not necessary. She could have talked with her just as easily with clothes on as without. I suddenly began developing an extreme dislike for Germaine and her ways.
"I guess," Elaine agreed. "But she said that she liked to be naked and that there was something special about the naked female body and that communion with nature is possible only when there are no clothes."
"I see ... go on...."
"Well, then, she asked me to take off my clothes. She said that we should begin our talk with a firm understanding of what we were talking about."
"And did you ... I mean, take off your clothes?"
"Yes...."
I was beginning to see the picture. Germaine was a pleasure freak, anything and everything would do for her. I remembered those afternoons watching her with her horse, stroking herself against the animal's rough hide and wondering what else she did to get her kicks. I was beginning to find out.
"When we were both naked, she started showing me all the parts of her body. She made me touch her nipples ... and then, she made me lick them and squeeze them. She told me that only through applying the pleasure practices to others would we know how to give ourselves good feelings...."
I could see that Elaine was trembling. The experience was obviously one she had not counted
"And then after that, she did the same thing to me. Then, she made me lay down on the couch and spread my legs apart. She got between them, you know, with her mouth and began sucking on me and licking me there...."
"Didn't she tell you anything at all?"
"Nope. She said everything to be learned could be learned just by doing ... "
I was really getting pissed off. This woman whom I had trusted had taken my daughter and introduced her into the fine art of lovemaking ... only with another woman!
"Daddy," Elaine said after a long silence, "It wasn't what I wanted. I mean, I know I was acting strange with you ... I don't really know why But this was different. She was mean."
The bitch had seduced my daughter. I felt very sorry for Elaine and realized that she was a confused child. Everything that I had done had resulted in this happening to her. I couldn't find a decent way to forgive myself. I was torn up inside, unable to face the problem.
We didn't speak for the rest of the way home. The quiet house was welcomed, and we both fell exhausted onto the couch. I wanted to do something that would make it seem like this thing had never happened. But I couldn't figure out what it was.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, Elaine."
"Do you still love me, even after what I did?"
"Of course I do ... it was a bad thing that happened. It was all my fault!"
"Don't say that ... please, don't say that!"
But I felt that way. Elaine saw that I was disturbed, and she slid across the couch and put her head in my lap. She was like my little girl again.
"Was mommy like Germaine?"
The question was too abrupt to answer properly. There was some truth to it, and I could see in my mind the connection.
"No ... not at all...."
"Then, why did you go to Germaine?"
I tried to be honest with her. I explained that a man needs some relaxation, some escape from the dull routine of everyday life. "Germaine gave me that ... and that was all it ever amounted to."
"Oh."
And she lay still on my lap for a little while longer. Her breathing was slow and even, and I could feel the small bulge of her breasts against my legs. Her body felt young, warm and open.
"What about me? I mean, why can't I do that for you?"
"Do what?"
"What Germaine did...."
It was coming again. There was something that was driving this child, forcing her into a coupling that would be disastrous. I explained to her what the situation was, and how there were certain rules that had to be followed. But she wasn't listening.
She turned her face down into my lap. I wasn't sure at first what she was doing. As it turned out, she was kissing the bulge beneath my slacks where my penis lay in waiting. I couldn't stop her this time, she needed it. I had gone as far as I could, had done everything I thought would help. There were no more solutions.
"Does that feel nice?" She asked, wrapping her lips around the cloth and moving my prick back and forth underneath.
I couldn't answer her any more. I suddenly felt the greatest desire I had ever experienced flood through my being. I wanted her.
Elaine lifted herself and put her mouth to mine. She tasted sweet. Her small tongue pried open my mouth and went inside, like a tiny snake.
She brought her hand up between my thighs and held my balls. Her fingers were light and gentle, and as she stroked me there I grew harder and more tense than I ever had.
It was an uncertain feeling that invaded me at that moment. I couldn't fight back, all I could do was to let her take me. Her hands were all over me, and she was growing hotter with each passing second. Her eyes were clear and expressionless, there was none of the little girl I had known in them.
She pulled her mouth away from mine and fell to the floor in front of the couch. In a quick move, she lifted the tee shirt from her body and was naked from the waist up.
Her breasts were small and firm. Her nipples stood out as tiny rosebuds, strong and pink in their youthfulness. I reached down and took one between my thumb and forefinger and squeezed gently. She moaned.
"This is all I've ever wanted...."
She worked like a busy child at my zipper, completely absorbed in the work of pulling open my trousers and then struggling to get them down across my hips.
"C'mon daddy ... lift yourself!!!"
I ob-eyed. She pulled down my pants and my shorts in one strong tug. Then, she moved her hands slowly up and down my thighs, watching my prick throb between them.
"I remember," she said, breathing hard, "when I was little. You would let me wash it...."
"Yes...."
And then she took my rod and held it up straight. She examined it as though it were some kind of new toy.
Her lips were soft and wet as she placed them around me. Her tongue was moving steadily in and around my hot flesh, and she was barely able to get any of it inside her small mouth.
I stroked her hair, pulling the fine fibers through my fingers and watching them drop along her bare shoulders. She was so young, and everything about her was unused and clean.
She sucked on me hard, pulling her mouth up and down my cock with a strong determination. Finally, she allowed it to flop out of her mouth.
She licked me all around, kissed each of my sacs and then pulled herself up to my lips again.
We kissed long and hard. She invaded my mouth again, poked around my teeth with her finely pointed tongue. She worked quickly and with a certain amount of strange cunning, as though she were an animal from the forest taking apart her prey.
She stripped the remainder of clothing from my body and pushed me back onto the couch. Then, she stripped herself and threw her leg over my chest.
"Do like she did to me...."
She moved her belly up along my chest until her fine little crack was in front of my mouth. She reached down in front of her and pulled the tiny, pink lips apart.
I roamed inside her, tasting her sweet, young juices and sucking on her fragrant skin. She moaned and groaned, throwing her hair in circles above me.
"I want you now," She moaned. Elaine pulled her cunt from my mouth and slid herself backwards along my torso. She rode over my penis and straddled me just behind it.
She held my prick upright against her crack and began moving her belly up and down along its hardened surface. Her breasts were tight and her nipples swollen. Her mouth was partially open, and she seemed to be tonguing herself in the cheeks.
When she had warmed herself up enough, she took the head and placed it between her lips. I was huge compared to her small and unused cunt, and she struggled to get me in between her lips and into her vagina.
"Ahhhhh...." She moaned when finally I began slipping inch by inch into her belly. She placed her hands halfway up my chest and leaned forward. The pain must have been tremendous. Her eyelids were fluttering and mouth hung open as though she were being tortured.
When I finally entered her all the way, she began rocking back and forth. Her body moved gracefully, and she moved quickly. She knew she was getting it, and wanted to make sure she made it before something happened that would disrupt the pleasure.
I felt her tight vagina walls begin to flow in silent, smooth waves. Elaine leaned way back, held herself against me, and rode out her first orgasm. She cooed softly as the feeling surged through her, and then began whistling.
"My God ... oh, daddy...." She cried, pushing my meat into her and moving her thin belly quickly back and forth on top of it. And then, finally, there was silence.
Elaine fell forward in a heap of exhausted flesh. She breathed slowly and evenly, and soon she was toying with the hair around my ears.
"It's just all I ever wanted." She said, letting her tongue explore the inside of my ear.
"Yes, I know...."
And we both fell asleep, holding each other very tight.
SUMMARY
In this case we see the condition which led to the eventual act of incest between father and daughter as one in which Elaine was raised without a mother. Once again, the absence of the mother played a large role in determining the behavior of the child.
In the early days of her childhood, Elaine exhibited the normal interests which a girl has in her father's sexuality. The scene, as told by Steven, in the bathtub was a prime example of this fixation. It is important to note that without a mother, the girl finds herself virtually free of sensual competition and may then attempt any kind of exploration she desires. In other words, the libido is free of the controls which are normally imposed upon it by both parents.
Steven saw the relationship between himself and his daughter as a threatening one. In order to make sure that he would not be subjected to moments of weakness, he found his own sexual outlet and from that established his 'dual code' of behavior.
But during this time, the daughter was also experiencing the need to discover her own sexuality. Being denied this need by the tough standards imposed by Steven, Elaine found herself acting in strange ways.
Steven's solution to his problem evidences the difficulty in establishing and maintaining such a dual code of behavior. He lost sight of the original intention of his code and thus brought his own daughter into the elements which he had sought to protect her from. Thus, the initiation into the act of lesbian love by Germaine provided Steve with the emotional breakthrough that was necessary if his daughter was ever going to be able to seduce him.
After her adventures with Germaine, Elaine found in her father the broken will that she had been looking for. She had committed a taboo act and was therefore not to be protected against such indoctrination. The father's guilt also added much to his inability to fight off his daughter's seduction because he was the one responsible for her affair with Germaine.
Steven tried to play a tricky game with the deep-rooted desires of himself and his daughter. He failed in this attempt because he lost sight of his goals. But the elements which exist in this case are not as tragic as they might have been. Just Steven's initial ability to understand his daughter's motivations and desires will almost certainly help him to gain an equilibrium with her in the future.