Chapter 5
Lee Marks stared out at her son and wondered about what she had done. He walked alone, at all, gaunt figure on the white, shining beach. She worried about her affect; and the fact that he did not respond to her gave her much to worry about. The whole thing had been a horrible, tragic mistake, one which she could never change.
It had begun during the first days of Jim's return home. The day on the beach when Lee had tried in vain to seduce her own son had begun in her a string of uncontrollable urges and desires that she would soon explore within the realm of reality instead of her own mind. It had been one of the many bridges which she had imagined between herself and 'something.' It was a crossing, one that she had enjoyed during the travel yet had suffered for once the other side and been reached. The concern was not unfounded.
The days following the incident on the beach had been highly tense. Jim and his Mother walked through their own home as strangers. They did not speak, nor did they allow their eyes to meet one another's. It seemed as though the stage had been set but the actors were unwilling to utter the first lines. But the desire to begin was there; an ever present clutch within Lee, an intense confusion within Jim. Neither knew how or what to do and this is exactly what led to their eventual sexual relationship.
The night had been cold. Lee sat in front of the fire, drinking a brandy and attenpting with little success to relieve herself of the intense desire that flooded her being. Staring at the flames and sipping the warm liquid did not help much but at least it was distracting.
Jim had come into the room without making a sound. Lee felt his presence behind her, like some kind of stalking animal and a chill had invaded her body. She continued to stare into the fire, waiting for something to happen.
Silently, as though involved in a ritual during which all rules were already extablished long ago by unknown participants, Jim sat down next to his mother. His eyes were wide, his breathing smooth and controlled. Lee clutched her brandy sifter, and dared not look at her son.
It's time...." He had said in a voice that seemed to come from somewhere deep inside his body. Lee choked, swallowed hard and felt a tenseness developing between her legs. She straightened herself and put the glass aside.
"We've been coming to this ... it had to happen. I hope we don't get hung up about it." He continued to look at the fire, avoiding his Mother who waited next to him.
After a short period which seemed like hours to Lee, her son had turned to her and they had fallen into each others' arms. They had undressed quickly and when they were naked, Lee had spread her legs and opened herself to receive Jim. He had been hard and tense and had invaded her vagina with such force and urgency that Lee had screamed. Jim did not apologize but rammed his hard meat violently, almost seeking to break through her and return whole to the where he had developed as an embryo.
They had made love violently and ruthlessly that night. When they had finished, both were quiet and worn down, emotionally and physically. There seemed to be nothing left. No words were spoken, no kisses exchanged or even body contact. They had sat there naked and spent in front of the fire for three hours-wondering what it was that they had done to each other.
Lee turned away from the window and lit a cigartte. Now her son was out of view on his lonely walk. It had been one week since that night but it felt more like a year to her. Afterwards, in the days that followed, she had run through her daily chores around the Motel with a sense of despair and depression that never left her. Everything seemed blown out of her system; she found even the most meaningless of tasks something of a project. She knew what the effect had been upon her and wondered how Jim had felt, and what he planned to do about it.
The young man had wandered into a land that was as stark and unknown to him as any strange battlefield had ever been to a frightened soldier. He was dealing with the most basic emotions within himself and could not seem to separate them any more. His past with Anne, his life as a student were all gone from his memory. What had formerly driven him, had made him alive and a participant in things around him had left him the moment he had taken his place next to his Mother. It seemed now that all that remained was impulse and desire. His ability to decide things and to act out of reason or ambition had all but left him.
The day after he had invaded his Mother, Jim had thought briefly that his life was manageable. Feeling somewhat strange, but not all that strange, he had wandered into town seeking some turn back to normalcy. His feeling at the time was that if he could re-establish himself with some girl, any girl, then he would be able to drive out the feelings of suffocation he was feeling. On the initial stages, he succeded.
Her name was Sally. She worked in the only hamburger stand open after midnight. Blonde, blue-eyed and very skinny she seemed the perfect tool to Jim. He had stayed inside this small restaurant long after the other people had left.
"You must be really bored!" She had and with a smile.
"Yeah" replied Jim, watching her long, tanned legs move with athletic grace beneath her white dress, "nothing to do in this place."
"The older people got all their affairs and little trips going ... but we've got to be off the streets by ten. Just isn't very fair." She was angry. Sally had always been bothered by the fact that she would never lead a normal life. Her parents had thrown her out of the house after catching her naked with her boyfriend. And with that discovery, Sally's chances for college, marriage and a home went out the door with her.
"It's a shitty life" replied Jim, knowing that his sometimes glowering look combined with some heavy insight into life was attractive to girls. He had used the same approach to nab Anne. He felt it would work again with Sally.
"Sometimes...." he continued, stirring his coffee thoughtfully, "sometimes we've got to establish ourselves into some other kind of mould. You know, make it without their little placemats and plastic houses. If we can do that, I mean transcend the whole trip, then we've got a chance. But to do that their old rules have to be broken. I mean, really broken."
He seemed to have her. Sally's blue eyes were large and open, she was digesting his words, trying to come up with something appropriate.
"I can dig that" was what she finally come up with.
"You know, like their sex trip."
"What do you mean?" asked Sally, thoughtlessly pouring him another cup of coffee. "You like that song?"
"What song?"
Sally grimaced. She was disappointed that someone with the words and heavy thoughts of Jim wouldn't just know every song the Beatles had ever recorded. "Why the-Beatles 'Why Don't We Do It in the Road!'
"Oh yeah ... but I'm more into classical scenes. That's where it's all heading anyway."
This got him off the hook. Sally admired him even more now. He wasn't the typical beach rat who just wanted a piece of ass. He was a guy with high ideals, a real thinker.
"Come home with me." She was always this way when she felt like being hip. To Sally, the world was changing and she had to change with it. She wanted desperately to be the hip Mother of the year. She would never have a chance for Prom Queen, so she had to try for 'something."
When they entered Sally's small cabin, the tall girl locked the door behind them. The room was small and cluttered with records, posters and a record player that took up almost all of one wall. She turned on the machine, delicately placed a Leon Russell album on the turntable and threw the volume switch on 'high."
"Want to make love?" She asked, slipping casually out of her white dress. Underneath, she wore pantyhose and a bra. The bra fell to the floor and her small, white breasts popped out. Then, she slid off her pantyhose and stood naked and smiling.
"Come here you little devil!" She walked into Jim's arms and pressed herself tightly against his belly. She reached down between their bodies and grabbed his balls, rubbing them hard and with uneven motions. Jim felt inclined to remove himself from the grasp, but knew that he must follow it through instead.
"Get naked with me...." She was already on her knees and pulling down his pants. She was the most eager chick he had ever seen. She pulled out his prick and held it firmly in her hand. Just before she put her lips to it, she looked up at him with her blue eyes ... they were empty.
"Easy ... Easy...."Warned Jim. But she was a tiger. Her mouth moved quickly and forcefully up and down his prick. Her tongue lashed out at his hard staff during each retreat then smothered the skin during the advance. Finally, she pulled her mouth away.
"Let's fuck!"
She threw herself onto the bed, raised her legs and spread them out into a V-shape. She rubbed herself with one finger while licking her lips seductively. Jim was reminded of his collection of girlie magazines and the poses the models always struck.
He climed between her legs and she immediately fell into the throes of passionate embrace. Sally wanted to do everything for the height of experience. She desperately wanted to be completely and totally involved. It was probably her one tragedy that she never would.
"Fuck me, baby, fuck me. Come inside, ram me, fuck me!!!"
She was pumping him like a machine. Her cunt wasn't as wet as it should have been. Her motions were jerky, unbalanced and without any sensitive rhythym. Jim was doing his best just to hang on.
But then it happened. Until that moment, Jim had had a vague, undefined feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was something like fear, but more in line with a premonition. Now he realized what that premonition had been. His prick had gone soft.
Sally didn't even notice it because she was so deeply rooted within the throes of her own passion that the world was closed to her. Even after he had withdrawn, she still pumped madly against his belly, calling out to him. And then she came, she threw her body high off the bed, cried out and sobbed, then finally collapsed with the sweetest, most content smile she could produce.
"How was it for you?" She asked, stroking his back gently like she had seen a woman do in a movie once.
"Just wonderful, Sally. It was a great fuck!"
It had been a great fuck, thought Jim, if only somone had been there to film the damn thing. He dressed quickly and started to leave, knowing that he could never repeat the 'great fuck."
"You're far out" smiled Sally as he was about to leave.
"Why?" He asked, not really knowing why he wanted to hear any more idiocies from her. "Because you're not pissed off...."
"See you around."
He walked out, leaving Sally sitting naked on her bed thinking that he was a good cat because her antics didn't make him feel uncomfortable. Jim knew that she didn't know about his going soft. But that fact wasn't enough because he knew, and would remember with a sting. He tried to imagine what she would have said had she been normal and he had gone soft on her. His mind couldn't come up with an image of her relating to anyone's problems and he felt reassured.
Jim stood on the sand and looked back at the motel. He wasn't feeling anymore, there seemed no association with his home or with his life that mattered. A seagull landed in front of him, and he threw a rock at it. The bird took off in fright and disappeared behind the cliff. Jim laughed.
The water was cold. It was still early spring and winter still remained in the surf, even if the coastal weather was warming up. But the freezing cold felt good against his naked body. Somehow, the ocean nullified him, and he allowed himself to be swept back and forth by the turbulent surf.
When he ran from the crushing wave that followed him onto the beach, he stopped short. Laying in a blanket, wearing nothing but a large smile was Lee.
"Looks cold...." Those were the first words either had said to each other in weeks. After watching her son drift aimlessly down the beach, Lee had decided that she had better move. She had realized that the forces which were affecting both of them were now beyond control. She had followed him down the white sand, had taken off her clothes and had waited for him to emerge from the surf.
Jim did not speak. He gazed for a moment at his mother's large, white breasts with their hardened nipples glowing in the sun. Her legs seemed longer than he could remember them, and her pubic hair glistened. She seemed turned on, already wet with her strange desire.
"Come over here, Jim. We've been ridiculous with each other."
She patted the spot next to her. Jim walked over silently, and fell onto his back next to her. Lee stroked his chest gently, and felt herself growing in need once again.
"After 'our night' she said, now looking down at his rising prick, "we should have talked. I don't know what you feel, or even if you feel anything.
I'm just trying to straighten things out ... work this thing out between us so we can go on living."
Jim heard her voice from far away. He felt her hand on his penis and he felt her stroking him. He remembered the night before with Sally and groaned. His strength and returned, he was burning and hard as a rock; but it was with his Mother that he was being a Man. With Sally, he had failed.
"You're beautiful. I'm sorry that I felt so funny about it." Lee was breathing hard now. Her skin was shining with moisture. As she leaned over him, he felt her large breasts dangle against his chest. Almost involuntarily, he reached up and took her nipple between his fingers. Lee moaned.
She held his penis upright from his stomach. She blew warm currents of air onto the tip. Jim felt himself being taken away by her, felt his body and mind drifting in the same way he had done while in the ocean. He was going there again, to what seemed like the only place left to him.
Her tongue worked slowly and evenly. She licked the inside of his thighs, then licked each of his sacs. She opened her mouth wide and took one sac then another between her lips. Cooing softly, she sucked on them and then watched as they fell back between his legs. She moved his penis to her, ran her tongue along the underside where his ridge was then took the tip between her lips.
Jim groaned and pushed his belly up when he felt himself entering her warm mouth. She took all of him inside, then slid her lips up and down. Jim grabbed her buttocks and pulled her flesh towards him. She lifted her leg and spread herself above his mouth.
As he began licking her warm, moist crack, Jim sensed a knowledge that he had felt the night they had first made love. He was home again, the territory was familiar, warm and dark. He drifted even further.
Finally, he felt himself shudder and felt the juices being drained from his body. Lee took it all, sucked up everything her son gave to her. She pumped hard on his mouth while she licked him off gently. She would not come, but she had given him the utmost in pleasure.
When they had finished, Jim still did not talk. He lay on his back, watching the sky above him with the soft blanket of fog moving in towards the coast. The grey stuff, feathery light and silent, made him feel good. He hoped that the day would be completely fogged in, that everything would be covered with the colorless murk and disappear from the reality of sight.
Lee watched her son and fought her own perceptions of him. His tranquility pleased her and she was at once willing to believe that he had been totally satisfied with her cock sucking. But again, she knew better. It was not like Jim to lay inanimate. He was not a negative, or rather, a person who allowed himself to fall. She had completely dominated him on this warm day. With her lush mouth and warm vagina she had taken over his senses, had compelled him into action as forcefully as if she had had a revolver and had threatened him with death. She was giving herself life through his sex, yet in a strange way, he now seemed to seek death. Lee once again felt the strain of their actions, but this time, she knew she would have to continue.
As the fog now covered the sun and turned the ocean, sand and mountains behind them into shades of grey, Jim's Mother leaned over her naked Son and played with his penis. When he was hard again, she would straddle him and push his erect staff deep inside her vagina. She would rock and thrust, pump and sway until she could take no more. Jim would not move during the entire time. But it would be one step closer for her, and that was all that counted anymore.