Case History 4

Subject: Pearl J. Age: Fourteen

INTERVIEW ONE

This girl was brought in by horrified parents who thought that the girl was dangerously insane. Even when the analyst they had chosen for her said that she could do very well in therapy, they kept insisting that she should be committed.

Any progress that could be made with her, had to be handled by insisting that the parents not even be in the office waiting room until the session was over. Otherwise, they would keep listening at the door, or trying to break into the session with something to say.

Those two are just itching to have me put away. They won't admit that they're the ones who made me do it. If they stopped treating me like an infant and faced the fact that I was growing up, maybe none of it would have happened. It was the only way I could show them.

My father was all the time trying to make me hide my body, especially in front of him. I wasn't allowed to wear halters or shorts, and when my tits really started sticking out, he made my mother buy me only baggy shirts and sweaters.

And if you think he was bad, my mother was even worse than he was. She's that kind of flat-chested ugly broad who hates her own daughter for turning out prettier than she is. Here I am fourteen, and I still haven't been allowed to go out with a boy, or even to a party where boys are invited. Now tell me that isn't ridiculous.

You can see why I kept getting madder and madder. All my friends were going out and having great times at parties, movies and pizza places. And all I ever did was sit at home and play with myself.

I was itching for a way to get even with them for keeping me a prisoner like that and trying to make me ashamed that I was growing up. So one night when I heard that they were going to have a party for my father's business people, I knew that I had the greatest chance in the world.

Just messing up their party wasn't even enough to make me happy. I could have done that with no trouble at all. Anything from pretending that I was dying of some awful disease to running down there and smashing stuff all over the place would have done the trick.

But all it would have looked like, was that I was the awful little child they said I was, and couldn't be trusted to do anything grown up. So it had to be something that proved to them once and for all that I wasn't a little kid anymore. And if my folks were so embarrassed that they wanted to crawl in a hole and die, that would have been perfect. Because that's just the way they make me feel all the time.

Just like they do whenever they come here with me. Can you tell me why it takes the both of them to bring me here in person, when I can take the bus that stops on our corner. And why do they have to stand on both sides of me here in this office and tell you what a bad girl I've been.

Don't they think you'll be able to decide that for yourself? Or are they trying to make you think I should be locked up the way they want me to? You know something? I'm not sure they really think I'm out of my mind. I just think that they don't want me around anymore so it will make them look better with all those people.

We'll see if you think I'm out of my head when I tell you what I did. Or did they tell you already? Well, even if they did tell it to you their way, I'm pretty sure it isn't anything like the truth. They probably said they can't imagine what got into me.

And then they must have said something like I must have been born with bad genes because nobody in my family ever did anything strange. They call it strange.

I'd like to know what you call it. I waited until everyone was at the party, and they were talking and boozing it up a lot. You see, I've been cooped up in my room all night while there were so many of their parties going on downstairs. It got so that I could tell what was going on down there without even looking. And I could tell when everybody was pretty close to drunk.

If I didn't wait till then, I might not have gotten away with it. My folks would probably have chased me upstairs before I could even get into the crowd. But they were all so high by ten o'clock that my mother said I was to come on down and show their friends what a sweet little girl I was.

That's how you know they had to be stoned. They were playing some of my albums, and those funny old people were trying to dance the way we kids do. That's where I got the idea.

When my mother turned away from me for a minute, I hopped up on the coffee table and started to dance. Some of them were looking at me right away, and clapping to the music.

But I wanted everyone watching, especially my parents. So I yelled to them at the top of my lungs that I was going to put on a show for everybody. I guess they thought that I wanted to show them how well I danced.

I'm sure they never thought my dance was going to be a striptease. I guess I didn't either until it happened. All I really wanted to do when I got up there was dance so sexy that they would have to see my tits bouncing all over the place and maybe my ass.

Then they would all have to see that I wasn't a little girl anymore. So I got up there and started shaking everything I had, and whoever wasn't looking, I yelled to. After a while I didn't have to say anything. Because they were pointing at me, and talking to each other.

I couldn't hear what everyone was saying, but I could tell from the looks on their faces that they must have been very excited by my dance. And then, well, it just happened.

One certain song on an album of mine always made me feel very sexy whenever I heard it. And that one went on. So I started to throw it around even more, and they were all staring at me without even blinking. Both of my parents were standing all the way in the back of the crowd, which was why they couldn't get to me in time.

And when I started taking off my clothes in time to the music, I heard my father yell from somewhere in the back. But the other people, especially the men told him to pipe down, so they could pay attention to the show that I was putting on.

So there was nothing they could do from back there. And since everyone seemed to think that it was the cutest thing they ever saw, they just let it happen. I'm sure they never expected me to go all the way. And by the time I got down to my bra and panties, they were both hiding their eyes and didn't see the end of it.

In the beginning, when I was letting down my hair, and then opening buttons and zippers I heard things like "Take it off" from different places around the room.

But when I got down to my underwear, the place got very quiet AH I could hear was the music and a lot of heavy breathing. Ill bet everyone in the house thought that I would turn chicken and run before I took off my bra and panties.

A couple of times, I heard somebody saying that they bet I wouldn't go all the way through with it. Well, I did think about stopping when I got down to my bra and panties. But because of those people who were making fun of me, and my folks, who were standing in the back with their fingers crossed, there was just no way I was going to stop at that.

I kept right on going. First I unhooked the bra and tossed it away. But when I worked my panties down and got them off, I kept dancing around with them in my hand, until I caught where my father was at, and then I threw them right at his face.

He was so shocked that he didn't made one move. And since my mother never had the guts to make a move on her own, she just stood there too. The whole crowd started to shout and clap. And then the record ended, and my father snapped out of it. That's when he came running to the front of the room, pushing everybody out of the way. Somewhere along the line, he had yanked off a tablecloth. And that's what he threw around me before he carried me upstairs. I was afraid that he was going to kill me.

But he didn't hit me. He never does. In fact, he didn't even say anything to me. He just threw me in my room, and then I heard him rummaging around in his tool chest.

I was too scared to open my door and see what he was doing. But I found out soon enough, because I heard him nailing a hook and latch to the outside of my door. In a couple of minutes I was locked in!

Then I was really scared. I thought he was going to keep me locked in that room forever and let me starve to death. But he only left me locked in there until the party broke up.

They were all so pleased with my dance that I could hear them raving about it all the way up to my room. That's what kept me from crying, even though I was very scared. Even if they both beat me up, or they starved me. And even if they sent me away to some awful place, I still did that dance. And I did teach them a lesson.

Everyone down there was saying how I was turning out to be a very sexy young woman. Which was exactly what they did not want to hear. But I did. I loved every minute of it.

I can still see my mother's white face, and my father's red one, even when I'm just sitting here and telling you about it. When the front door finally closed for the last time that night, I sat in my bed in my prettiest white pajamas and just shivered.

I really didn't know what they were going to do to me. Actually, they didn't do very much but what they said was the last straw for me. You see, they told me that I had behaved like a silly little child, and that was just the reason why I couldn't be trusted to go out on dates and stuff like that. Neither one of them took the trouble to ask me why I did it.

They even took away my guitar lessons, and my guitar. And when my mother told me I could have them back when I finally showed them that I had started to grow up, I had it.

I wasn't ever going to let them talk to me like that again. Instead of anything getting better, the whole thing had gotten even worse. I was expecting that they were going to lock me in my room every night after that.

But my mother said that my dad had to get the lock off the door before the cleaning lady came. She was not going to be embarrassed by having the whole neighborhood think that they were keeping me caged up like a wild animal.

I'll bet she was afraid that they would know why I did the striptease. That they would be the ones that were branded as crazy. So my dad had no choice, but to take the lock off the door.

She heard plenty about that after what I did later on. They couldn't stay home and watch over me all the time. Until they put that lock on my door, I had stayed home when they told me.

That's why I don't think that I'm such a bad kid. I could have snuck out of the house and done all the stuff I wanted to when they went into town for those shows and cocktail parties.

All I had to do was be back in the house before they got there. And if I wanted to have friends in my house, it was even easier. Because our front door is hidden by trees from the neighbors and they couldn't see anybody coming and going.

But until they put that lock on my door, I didn't do any of that stuff. I really got wild after they said all that junk to me. And it was a phone call from one of my father's friends that gave me the next chance to teach them a lesson. And what a lesson it turned out to be.

He was really calling to find out how I was, or that's what he said anyway. According to him, he thought I was a very lovely young lady, and he was worried that they had done something terrible to me.

The rest of what he said added up to him thinking what I did took a lot of courage. And he added that he didn't think I was a little girl at all. He said that he had seen girls at some of his parties who looked and acted a lot younger than I did.

When he told me that he was having one of those parties that very same night, I got very interested. His address was in my father's book on his desk. So I wished him a good time and then I hung up.

I had a hunch that he had said so much because he really dug what he saw of me, which was everything. And he had gone to a lot of trouble to tell me all about that party of his. So when I hung up, I went hunting around in my mother's closet for some clothes that didn't look like kiddie stuff.

Her skirts and pants fit me okay, but I couldn't wear any of her tops because they were all too tight on me. I was built a lot better than my mother. That was easy to see.

So I took one of my own tops, and ran up the sides on the sewing machine. I'll bet my mother never thought I would do a thing like that when she taught me how to sew. With some fixing of my hair, the way I think it really should be, and just a little make-up, I thought that I looked pretty terrific. If they were there, they wouldn't have recognized me.

But Frank did. I raided the sugar bowl for cab money, and then went over to his place, expecting to find a big crowd there. I had waited a couple of hours just to be sure. That way I was figuring that they wouldn't notice how young I was.

I didn't have to worry about any of that stuff, because Frank and I were the only ones there.

"I've been waiting for you."

"How did you know I was coming?"

"I planned it all."

"There isn't going to be any party?" "Yes there is. You and I are going to make one."

"Now wait a minute. I think I know what that means, and it means I better go back home.

"You must think I'm a bad girl because of what I did. But I'm not. I just wanted to put on a show."

"And that's all I want you to do here."

"You won't touch me?"

"Would I do that to my friend's little girl?"

"I am not a little girl."

"Then prove it to me."

"Promise again you won't touch me."

"Scout's honor."

INTERVIEW TWO

Scout's honor is a very serious promise, and everybody who lives in the suburbs where scouting is a big thing knows that. Besides, he's a very good-looking guy, and I wanted to get a little closer to him, even though I was scared.

He put some of my favorite music on his stereo, and then he gave me some wine to drink. I never tasted that stuff before, and I liked it a lot. And he was all the time smiling, and being very nice, so I didn't get too nervous. That's when my song went on.

"They won't find out?"

"You don't think I would tell them!"

"No. Guess not."

"Then do your stuff, sweetheart."

Frank had set up this bridge table in the middle of the living room, and there was a step stool next to it, so I could get up and down there by myself. I felt just like a burlesque queen going on stage. Just like on the late movies on TV that I had to stay home and watch all the time.

Maybe he saw some of the same movies. Anyway, it was great fun, and I liked it right from the start. If it was some guy that I didn't know from my own home then I would have been a lot more scared than I was with Frank. But Frank was playing it like a game, just the way I was.

The music played, and I started to dance. For a couple of minutes, when I saw the way he was staring at me, I figured that I better not take off my underwear. But then the music got to me just the way it always did. I stopped worrying about Frank and dug on my dancing.

The same thing happened to me the way it went before. I didn't have to think about what to do with my clothes. They just came off at the right times, and just like it was a rehearsed dance. I thought I was doing pretty terrific, and I was really proud of myself.

That's why I decided to go ahead and take off my underwear after all. It was just going along, and I almost forgot that Frank was even there. I was dancing like I was just entertaining myself, so I could go ahead and get naked if I wanted to.

So I started taking off my bra, and then I happened to look where Frank was sitting. The fly of his pants Was open, and he had this big thing sticking up out of it.

His hand was closed around it, and he was moving it up and down. I knew what he was doing, but I had never seen one of those before. It was huge, and I wanted to watch what he was doing. Because it was Frank, I still wasn't scared, even though I should have been.

"What are you doing there?"

"Don't be afraid. I won't use it on you."

"Can I watch until you're through."

"But you don't understand. I can't be through until you finish your dancing. That's the way my little game works."

"I won't be able to see what you're doing, if I'm dancing way up there."

"Tell you what. I'll holler when it's time for you to look."

"Okay. It's a deal."

So I started dancing again, and pretty soon the music got to me so I didn't spend all my time just looking at what Frank was doing with his thing. But I couldn't help staring every time I looked in his direction. Because he was breathing all funny, and making funny noises too.

Then I started to understand that my dancing and my body were getting to him so much that his thing was going crazy. A grown man was doing all that grunting and moaning just because of me.

That's when I took off the rest of my things. But this time I kept on dancing, even when I was naked. I made sure that I was facing him all the time I was up there, because I didn't want to miss anything that was happening to that side of the room.

I was pretty excited myself. It was a special new kind of excitement. I never felt like that before. His hand was going very fast up and down on his thing, and his eyes were popping out of his head as he looked at me. All of a sudden, I heard this sound from him, like he was strangling on a chicken bone.

His hand was closed very tight around his thing, and it wasn't moving. Then he threw his head all the way back, and his eyes were staring up at the ceiling. But mine weren't. I was staring at his thing, and I couldn't dance anymore. Because his thing was starting to shoot all this white stuff straight up into the air.

And then something strange happened to me between my legs. I don't mean that I touched myself, because I hardly ever do that. My legs just got all hot and kind of tingly in there. And then this hot stuff, just like his started coming out and trickling down my legs.

My head was all fluttery, and I had to sit down, because I felt so shaky all over. When I felt better again, and understood what happened to me, I couldn't make up my mind if it was seeing what Frank did to himself, or me being the one to cause it, that did it for me.

Frank came up to me then, and he gave me a little silver charm bracelet. He said that I was to hide it away until I got old enough to tell them that one of my boyfriends had given it to me.

That's the only time that he touched me, all the time I was there. And it was only to give me the box with the bracelet in it. That's the truth, no matter what they told you.

I guess you're wondering how they found out. Well it wasn't Frank. He kept his promise not to say anything to a living soul. But I didn't. It was all great fun being with Frank like that.

But when he put me in a cab and I got home before they did, I started to get mad all over again. I put everything away just the way it was supposed to be, and then I started to think. It wasn't so much fun unless they knew about it.

And it being my father's friend that I did all that stuff with well that was really too much. I went downstairs again, naked under my bathrobe, and sat down in my father's favorite chair to wait for them to come home. I had it planned out, just what I was going to say.

"You still up?"

"Yeah. I couldn't wait for you to get home."

"Something special happen tonight?" "I'll say!"

"I don't like the way she sounds dear."

"What could have happened. She wouldn't have gone anywhere without us. She's still a little girl, in spite of what she did."

"Oh, is that so. Well I did go out."

"You didn't!" "Yes I did."

"With your little friends?"

"No. With one of your big ones daddy."

"What are you saying?"

"I went to a party at Frank's house."

"What kind of party?"

"Not a very big one. It was just Frank and me."

"Oh, my God!"

"Calm down dear. She's just a little girl. Nothing could have happened." "Oh, a lot happened."

"Suppose you stop teasing and tell me the whole story before I take a strap to you."

"It's not a great big story. I just went to Frank's house and he had that same music on."

"You didn't!"

"Oh yes I did. And this time it was even better. Frank had a stage set up for me, and I did a great dance."

"And what did Frank do?"

"He sat in a chair, and he had his thing out."

"My God! My God!"

"Are you going to say that all night Helen? She's probably just teasing us. Frank wouldn't lay hands on a little girl."

"He didn't touch me. But he didn't think I was a little girl. You should have seen how excited he was."

"Just how excited was he?"

"Enough to move his hand up and down his thing very fast. And when I got to the end of my dance, there was this white stuff shooting all over the place."

"You can say it now, Helen."

"Oh, my God!"

"Amen to that. Frank is such a gentleman in every way. It had to be this little devil. She's the one that caused it. She tempted him. That's the only way it could have happened."

"There you go again. Always making me out to be the bad one. How do you suppose I knew he was home, and how to get over there?"

"I've heard all of this that I am going to. You go straight up to your room. Your mother and I have to talk."

"Will you be getting out the locks and chains?"

"That's enough of that, young lady."

So I went upstairs, but when I got to the top, I called to my father. And when he turned around to look at me, I opened my robe, and showed him that I didn't have a stitch on.

That's when my mother fainted. And my father just let her fall to the floor while he stared at me with his mouth hanging open. His face was all purple and he looked just awful. I laughed so hard that my side started to hurt. Because I knew that he wanted to come after me that time and beat the tar out of me. But he just stood there like he had glue on the soles of his shoes.

When he picked my mother up off the floor they talked about me being crazy again. They said stuff like they would send me away to some girl's school, and then my mother said that I was real crazy and needed a doctor. But she was ashamed to send me to anyone where we live, because the whole world was sure to find out about it the very same day.

My father said I didn't need any doctor and that they could teach me how to be a good girl. After that time, they didn't go out anymore. My mother was at the school gates when the last bell rang, and I had to go right into her car. And from there I had to go straight to my room.

They took my TV away. All I had was my school books and a Bible they bought especially for me to keep in my room. I was supposed to learn a whole chapter every week, and I had to be able to recite it by heart.

But I didn't even learn the first one because I was so mad at them. They were treating me like some repenting sinner from the movies.

And every time I get mad at them that way, I have to do something to teach them a lesson. They never did say anything to Frank.

Which just proves that they think I'm a bad, crazy girl, and that nobody helps me get into trouble. According to them, I do it all myself. This time it wasn't going to be easy to teach them a lesson, because I couldn't get out of my room.

Whatever I was going to do, I had to do it from up there. About as far as I ever got those days was from the bathroom to my room. Even my meals were brought up to my room, because they were all the time having guests over for dinner and stuff like that.

It was like they were ashamed for anyone to see me. So I figured that was the best way for me to teach them a lesson this time. Someone was going to have to see me.

And they were going to have to see me naked. Not any of the ones from the party either. Because they were all a bunch of boozers, and just about all of them were cheating on their husbands and wives. No one in that bunch would have been shocked by anything I did. Oh, they would talk about it a lot, just to make my mother feel bad. But that's all they would do, so it wouldn't be any more fun with them.

This time it took me a couple of weeks

before I could do anything. My father had given up on expecting me to recite from the Bible, and he was just making like I didn't even exist I guess after a while, even he believed it, because he went ahead and invited the president of his company over for dinner. Daddy is only a junior vice-president.

Somebody higher up was retiring, and Daddy was just aching to impress the boss so he could get that job. I'm sure if he didn't want that job so bad, he never would have dared to bring him home.

Daddy should have known better than to trust I wouldn't do anything bad. Even from my cage upstairs, the way they were keeping me. You see, my bedroom windows are right over the front walk.

And they couldn't lock the windows right away, or stop me from doing anything in front of them. Because they were too busy in the dining room to even see what I was up to. And I saw Mr. Anderson before anyone saw me. It was a snap.

All I did was watch and wait while he got out of his car and started up the walk. I was still dressed because it was early in the evening. But I wasn't dressed for very long.

My blinds were already up, and when he was just under them I whistled through the space that I left open in one of them. I wasn't looking at him when I did it, so he must have thought that I didn't even know he was there. But I certainly did!

I started to get undressed with my face turned away from him, just like I was a little girl.

By the time I got my blouse off, and he saw my big tits in a bra, he knew that he was looking at a woman. And I knew because I could see his face turn red and his eyes bug out just the way Frank's did. I could see everything he did from my dresser mirror, which was right in front of me. It was a great set-up, as Frank would say.

I left my bra on until I got out of my skirt and white slip because I knew it would take longer that way, and I wanted him to stand right where he was and keep on watching me. My bra was the next to last thing, and by that time his tongue was hanging out of his mouth.

And when I got to my panties, and took them off, I could see that there was something going on in his pants. He had them on and they were closed, but I could still see that his thing had gotten very big, and he had slipped his hand under his suit jacket. But I couldn't see what he was doing under there.

I guess that he must have been doing what Frank had done right in front of me. But this guy was doing it on the sneak. It was great fun and I just had to turn to the window and yell out that I knew what he was doing all the time.

Guess I yelled a little too loud, or maybe it wasn't an accidental loud after all. I think maybe I wanted my parents to come running out and see the old guy with his hand on his thing like that, and me hanging out the window naked.

They came running out of the house like the place was on fire. Which didn't give my father's boss any time to take his hand away, or hide the way his thing was pushing his pants out way in front.

What does my mother do? She goes and faints again. It's starting to look like that's her answer for everything. My father tried to say something to his boss, but the old man was doing too much talking himself. I think he was trying to keep my father from looking down at his pants. They were so busy shouting at each other, that I had plenty of time to see what the old man was trying to hide.

He had this big, sticky wet spot in the front of his pants. And the spot had gone down so far that his jacket didn't hide it. I would have stayed there all day to watch the fun. But it was getting chilly, so I closed the window and went inside to put on a robe.

That other thing had happened to me again.

And it made me feel all weak and clammy all over, just like the other time. I felt very good, but I also felt very tired, so I went to sleep.

When I woke up they were both standing in my room, and our doctor was standing there too. He gave me a shot of something, and I went to sleep again. And then they brought me here.

Will you please tell them to stop giving me all those pills? All I do is sleep all the time when I'm not in school. I don't want to sleep my whole life away, and I don't want to stay locked up in that room anymore. You know I'm not crazy, don't you?