Case History 4
SUBJECT; Addie M.
AGE; Twenty-two
INTERVIEW ONE
Addie looked like a very successful young woman. She was dressed smartly and in the best of taste. Her simple sweater and skirt enhanced her figure greatly and made her look very attractive.
She had brown hair with attractive golden highlights that glistened in the light of the office. And she spoke like a young woman who was sure of herself and knew the value of time. She had her own work to do and she was very interested in not wasting time.
But the main thing about Addie that impressed me was the way in which she looked at everything. Her eyes always seemed to be assessing and evaluating everything in the room. The girl was alert and nothing missed her attention.
It was unusual in my career as an analyst, but the young woman's analytical eyes actually made me feel uncomfortable!
Well, Doctor, I know that I have a problem. I have known about it for some time, but I never really wanted to do anything about it.
Then, when I knew that it had gotten too bad, I knew that I had to do something. But it was always so easy for me to give excuses I couldn't take the time away from work to go to see an analyst! Or, I had to save my money for more equipment and I couldn't go to see an anayst!
The best excuses that I gave myself were the professional ones. I used to tell myself that I really did not have any problem. I used to say that the reason that I was the way that I was, was because of my profession.
I knew that I was lying and what made it worse was that I was tying to lie to myself.
It happens that I am a voyeur!
The fact of the matter is that I am now a very successful photographer. I had spent a long time excusing my voyeurism by saying that it was a natural outgrowth of my work as a photographer.
Aside from that I also knew that it was no longer considered a taboo for women to look at naked men. There are all of those magazines.
In fact I have recently become involved with one of those magazines. It is a new woman's magazine called 'Crimson' and it is trying to be very shocking. There are so many magazines out now that have pictures of naked men in them that they are getting more numerous than the magazines with pictures of naked girls in them.
So, I know that there is nothing evil or perverse about my desire to look at naked men. After all, the two-hundred-thousand women who buy Crimson look at naked men.
I simply feel that where I'm concerned it has gone beyond the simple point of looking at them as a pastime. Seeing naked men has become my whole life and my existence!
The point is a very simple one! I know there is nothing wrong with looking at bodies and being a voyeur in that respect. But I know that there is something wrong when that takes over and takes the place of your normal sex life.
I don't have a boyfriend now and I never seem to crave fucking. I only seem interested in looking.
Perhaps this really is an occupational disease with photographers. We are people who spend our lives looking at things instead of becoming involved in things. A photographer had to be capable of holding the camera steady when the Hindenburg crashed and all of the human destruction followed. A photographer had to be able to hold the camera steady when they were about to shoot the spy in Vietnam, (you remember that famous shot that won all the photography awards).
If you become involved and get emotional, you cannot hold your camera steady. But, of course, you have to feel a great deal of passion about your subject.
That made me the perfect choice to be the photographer for the Crimson centerfolds. But, more on that later on.
To go back a little bit to the time that I was nineteen I can remember when I first realized the passion that I had for voyeurism. I was visiting California and there was this really dumb California beach bum who was coming on to me.
His name was Dan and he thought that he was really terrific, which he wasn't. Anyhow, he offered to take me to the beach. What I didn't know was that he had a special beach in mind. That trip to the beach had a great affect on me!
Dan drove me way up north from Los Angeles. Until then, in the short time that I had been in Los Angeles I had only gone to Santa Monica beach which was at the end of the Santa Monica Freeway. That was a very short trip from Los Angeles proper or from Hollywood.
One time I had gone up to Malibu which was to the north and the beach had been worth the travelling time. It was gorgeous and it was a lot less crowded.
But as we went north on Pacific Coast Highway I could see that we were passing Malibu. "Where are we going?" I asked, beginning to get annoyed.
"You'll see!" Dan said coyly, swelling out his broad young chest.
I was just concerned that I would get stranded somewhere with Dan. I didn't want to fuck with the boy. He just wasn't worth it.
When he finally made a sharp left turn toward the ocean, (and almost rammed into an oncoming car), he zoomed toward the parking lot of Zuma beach. When we got out of the car I really was impressed with the water.
He told me that the reason that the water was so much bluer and clearer up here was that Los Angeles was a basin and this was north of that basin. The water off of Santa Monica was really sitting on the shelf of land that extended from Los Angeles. The coastline as you went further north was bordered by the blue Pacific itself.
The way that Dan prattled on I really couldn't tell how much of this was bull. He was a native of Los Angeles. In all of my time out there he was the only native of Los Angeles that I met. Everyone else in that city came from North Dakota or Iowa or New York. Dan was a good example of Los Angeles living, even his swimsuit was pure polyester.
I was all ready to go right into the water, but Dan told me we had to walk to the south. We had just driven up from the south and there were mountains that separated the highway from the ocean for a good distance where we had just been travelling. Now that we were walking along the beach we were on the ocean side of those same little hills.
Granted that the white stretch of beach was lovely. We kept passing one beach after another and Dan absolutely refused to stop at any of them. Each new beach was decisively less crowded.
I kept insisting that I would not walk another step. I suppose that the only thing that kept me going was Dan's coyness. I was so certain that I would be disapointed in anything that he showed me that I wanted to follow him. I wanted to be able to lose my temper at him and demand that he take me back to Santa Monica.
Then we were faced with a wall of rock. He started to climb up and I told him to drop dead. But he assured me once more that this beach was worth getting to and that he would help me over the rocks.
I'll never know what made me climb up the rocks, but I did. When I got to the top I was looking down at the beach and it was jammed with people. Everyone was naked.
Actualy there were a few people who were still clothed. Some girls had kept heir swimsuit bottoms on even though they had taken off their tops. And the boy who was selling illegal beer was wearing a pair of boxer shorts, But other than that and the few people who were in the process of coming or going and were dressing and undressing, it was a nude beach.
As we climbed down the rocks I said, "I thought that nude beaches weren't legal here?"
"So, how can they raid this place?" Dan asked, very sensibly. "If cops started to climb over the rocks everyone would put on their suits before anyone got down the other side!"
I knew that he was right. The only way to reach this little cove was to climb over these rocks that seemed like a slow trek even for the SWAT team.
He told me that this was called 'Pirate's Cove' because the pirates of the Mexican coast had used it to hide their booty. It really was a very secluded place and there were a lot of people there.
I had my swimsuit off even before he had his trunks down.
The two of us were lying in the sand and when I looked over at the tawny haired boy I saw that he was lying on top of his hard-on, pressing it down into the sand. I was also lying on my stomach and I admit that I was hot because he had a hard-on.
But when Dan put his arm around me, I pulled away from me. I got up knowing that he would not get up for fear of exposing his hard-on to everyone.
"What's the matter with you?" he" asked. But I just walked away without an answer. I was enjoying myself just looking at guys and I didn't feel like taking.
After that I made it a habit to go to Pirate's Cove any chance that I got. I would lie there all day and look at the naked guys. I loved to watch them play frisbee and see their cocks flying up in the air as they jumped up.
Usually guys would come over to me and try to pick me up, but I always put them off and told them to leave me alone. I never wanted to get involved with a guy and I never wanted to let a guy touch me. I just wanted to watch them and see them naked.
And I also got hot when I knew that a guy was looking at my beautifully rounded boobs and getting all excited.
It was easy to get up to the beach since I could always find a ride up the highway. Actually that was the way that I got back to Los Angeles the first day that I went to the beach, since I had dumped Dan at the beach.
He had a nice cock and a really nice body. It wasn't that I was disapointed when I saw his body, it was just that looking at his body seemed like enough to me. There was nothing else that I wanted to do.
The only thing that I wanted was to go home and frig my pussy.
I would rush to my bedroom and I would shut the door and I would begin to peel off my clothes. The anticipation of fingerfucking my beautiful twat is too much for me and I know that my panties are already soaking wet.
Then I would lie back in the bed and shut my eyes. My fingers would enter my cunt and I would spread the tender pink lips apart. How wonderful it feels when the air that is circulating in the room strikes softly against my cunt lips.
Slowly I would run my fingernail around the lips of my cunt and then I would slide it inside of me. I would fuck in and out with my index finger and I would coax the cunt cream forth from my soft and supple flesh.
As I did this I would imagine the pictures of the men that I had seen naked. It was delightful!
But here's the thing! Even in these fantasies I never imagined men fucking me! I never imagined that they were eating out my pussy or that I was sucking on their cocks. I would just see myself looking at them.
That was the only thing that was ever involved in any of my fantasies!
And this I know is not right, Doctor! I know that it is normal to desire sex and sexual ' acts. It is not normal to wish to just touch myself and to shut out all other human beings.
But this is exactly what I have been doing for years!
That is the reason that I do not have a steady boyfriend. There have been a lot of boys who have asked me out on dates, but how can I tell a boy that I just want to undress with him and that I do not want to fuck or suck?
It is a very awkward thing and it is getting more awkward all the time.
Now that my work for Crimson, that woman's magazine, is progressing, I am getting very tense. Putting a voyeur in charge of the centerfolds is like putting a kleptomaniac in charge of a cash register!
They placed an ad for male models and we got all of these pictures from guys who looked like actors. Most of them were easy to discard. I mean, our readers do not want to look at a naked picture and think that they are looking at an actor!
Our readers want to look at a guy and think that that could be the telephone repairman who comes in when she is just stepping out of the shower. Or she wants to look at a picture and think that it is the delivery boy for the supermarket who keeps rubbing the hard-on in his jeans.
So, what we are looking for when we look for a centerfold guy is not someone who looks like perfection, but someone who looks like a real person. A guy that a girl could conceivably find and get fucked by!
After narrowing the selection of pictures somewhat, we called the guys who we were considering. For two full days we had a parade of men coming through our office.
I had my camera set up and I had some grey paper on the wall. Each guy came in and stood in front of the grey paper. I would have the guy take two different poses and then I would ask him to take off his shirt.
After another two shots with his shirt off, I would ask him to open his pants and strip down. By the time he had peeled his shorts off I would take a few shots of him in different positions.
Every guy "had a different reaction. Some of them were so embarrassed at being naked in front of an intimidating woman that their cocks shrank back up into their bodies and looked very small.
Some of the guys were embarrassed about the fact that they had uncontrollable hard-ons while I was shooting them. And some of the guys had erections and just smiled brashly at me, as if to say that they were proud of them. These were the ones that I liked best.
It was a miracle, but I remained perfectly calm and professional through the entire thing. Or at least I pretended to remain perfectly calm and professional. The truth was that the pussy kept oozing cunt cream.
Occasionally I would have to excuse myself and take off to the lady's room to wring out my panties.
On the second day of these auditions I brought along a few extra pairs of panties. I knew that I was going to keep oozing and I was prepared. The trouble was that my pussy kept undulating and drooling out cream and I even used up all the panties I had brought.
When I had to develop those pictures it was really hell. There was nothing I could do but to keep frigging myself until I was dizzy.
I was like a little girl let loose in a candy store.
And this week I have to begin to shoot the one that they chose to be their first centerfold. He's a very sexy guy named Tom and I don't know how I'm gonna make it through the session!
Tom was my choice as the sexiest of the twenty-seven men we auditioned! I'll have to let you know what happens with our shooting.
But I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I have been creaming in my panties every time I think about the times that I will be alone with that naked stud!
INTERVIEW TWO
Although Addie had an appointment for the following week, she called to say that it was imperative that she speak to me immediately. This was only three days after our initial interview, but I could tell from the sound of her voice that it really was something serious that had happened.
I was able to give her an appointment for that afternoon. When she came into my office she no longer looked as prim and proper as she had on our first interview.
She was obviously shaken up by some experience.
I had told you that I was looking forward to my session of photographing Tom, and I had also said that I was nervous about it.
Now that it's over, I'm just confused!
I don't know what in the world I mean by that. The fact of the matter is that nothing is over. I mean, it's simply that so much has happened in the past few days.
The day after I met with you I had the first shooting session with Tom.
Tom is actually a garbageman by profession. He is Italian and he has very short cropped black hair and chiselled features like you would see on a statue. His body is also something that you would see on a statue. His chest has very little hair on it, just a line of black down the center, and it is perfectly shaped and well developed, tapering to a narrow waist.
Might I add that if he was a statue he would need a very large fig leaf.
Anyway, Tom arrived at the studio on the first day for some initial shots. I was working so hard to be calm and business-like that I suppose I became a bit mean and overbearing.
Things kept getting complicated by the fact that the man kept getting hard.
"Can't you do anything about that thing?!" I finally shouted out in desperation.
"Sure!" he said in his smart-alecky way. And he clamped his fist around his big fuck-pole and he began to jerk on it.
As you can imagine I was melting into my panties. I thought that my pussy lips were literally on fire as I watched this modern day Adonis whack on his wang. I was trying to be business-like, so I didn't want to frig myself. At the same time, I could not take my eyes off of his cock as the flared red head pointed toward me and shook with the frantic rhythm of his fist.
"You wanna help me?" he asked, not breaking his stride or his rhythm.
My mouth was too dry for me to answer. I turned around so that my back was to him and yet the image of his fabulous nakedness and the movement of his throbbing cock was still with me.
A moment later I heard Tom grunt loudly. I half turned knowing full well that he was in the midst of an orgasm. I saw a load of white gism shoot out of the tip of his cock and land on the floor about three or four feet away.
I saw that his balls were tightened up against his body as his cock kept dribbling out juice. And then he shook his cock a little bit and he looked down at his hand which was all covered with the sticky white cum.
He looked up at me with a smile like a naughty boy who has been caught with dirty hands and then as he wiped the cum off of his hand by rubbing it across the black hair on his leg, he said, "Now it won't get hard as much!"
I turned and rushed out of the room. I don't know what he thought. Maybe he thought that I was just rushing out because I was embarrassed or maybe he thought the truth. I was rushing out of the room because I had to frig my pussy.
When I locked myself into the lady's room I found that my panties were already soaking wet. I had already changed them once that morning because I knew the effect that Tom would have on me.
I just put my index finger into my cunt slit. That was all that I did. But I began to cum. My cunt tightened down around my finger and I felt the oozing of the cunt cream and I was having an orgasm. I cannot remember any instance when I have had such a fast orgasm. But, then again I cannot think of any instance when I had been so hot!
It was hardly a minute later when I returned to Tom and found him sitting comfortably and enjoying a cigarette. Once again I was business-like and, after having stamped out his cigarette with his bare feet, he was business-like as well.
But when he was posing in front of my camera I noticed that there was a shiny spot across one of his thighs. The spot where he had wiped the cum off of his hand was still glistening wet from the moist gism.
I was close to the breaking point. I told him that we had to stop shooting for that day.
As he went toward the dressing room he was only concerned with the fact that he wanted to be paid for the entire day. I assured him that he would be and I got out of there as fast as I could.
It was very unprofessional of me, but I only developed the first batch of pictures that night. I couldn't have dealt with any more than that!
That night I hardly slept at all. I kept looking at the pictures of Tom and frigging my pussy. As you already know, Doctor, I was not imagining him fucking me or anything like that. I wasn't even imagining that he was frigging my pussy. I was just preoccupied with looking at him.
The next day we were to shoot outdoor things. The editor of Crimson had gotten permission for us to use this particular estate that would be large and deserted.
All of the settings were perfect and Tom's jeans and workshirt were also perfect. I took a lot of shots of him dressed like that and then I had him undress bit by bit.
For a while I took shots of him in his underwear and tee shirt with his work boots and white socks on and then I had him strip out of his underclothes and just leave his work boots and socks on. That was really making my cunt steam up.
But Tcin was hardly a professional model. That was our fault. We didn't want a man who looked like a professional and all of the regular models do look like models. Tom was really just what he was, a garbage man who was out on a lark. He was having a ball and I was trying to do my work. Although I will admit that part of my agitation with him had to do with the fact that I had all that bottled up sexual tension inside of me, I know that a good part of it had to do with the fact that he was very difficult to work with.
Finally when I asked him to move his left foot forward and he moved his right foot instead, I screamed out, "Your other left foot, stupid!"
His face grew red as he screamed in reply, "Nobody calls me stupid!"
"I can't imagine why!" was my snotty reply as I turned away from him.
Now, this could have been a normal fight between any man and woman who were working together, but in this instance it was made different by our circumstances. He was a naked man whose cock was rising to full erection and I was a woman whose panties were so soaking wet that I couldn't even bring my legs together.
Apparently he got very angry when I turned away from him. He grabbed me by the shoulder. That movement would not have been too offensive, but since his cock was rising I felt his cock head brushing against the thin fabric of the slacks that I was wearing.
"Don't you touch me!" I screeched like a possessed woman.
For a moment we stood there just like that. He looked at me, shocked by my reaction and then he said, "You're a loony!"
I was filled with a sudden fear and then I turned away and tried to run, but he slammed me to the ground.
He was down on top of me and built like a statue and naked. His cock was throbbing red and his knees were pressing hard against the soft roundness of my breasts.
Tom grabbed me by the ears and he pulled my head up toward his cock.
I clenched my lips tight together and I tried to fight him off. But he pulled my head up and he leaned his body down so that his cock head was pressing lightly against my closed lips.
There was a droplet of pre-cum that was glistening as it oozed out of his piss slit I felt it dribble onto my lips and then I turned my head to the side.
Even though I was in this weird predicament arid about to get raped in the mouth, I was gathering my wits about me. I was aware that I had been acting hysterically and now that I was on the ground with his naked hulking form pinning me down I was trying to sort out my thoughts.
"Please," I began. "Let's forget that this ever happened!"
"My cock won't forget!" Tom said as he slammed his cock between my open teeth. I could feel the fact that my teeth were scraping lightly against the cock as it slid into my mouth, especially around the flared red head of the big haft.
And then the entire length of the fat hunk of meat was all the way in my mouth. It slammed hard against the back of my throat and I struggled to be free of it. But there was no way that I could pull my mouth off of the cock.
"Suck it and suck it good, you bitch!" he swore in a vile and vicious way.
There was nothing I could do except to try to please him. My head moved back and forth and back and forth. But he was moving his hips as he did this. So he was actually fucking my face and making me take all of his cock into my throat.
It seemed as though each time that he fucked into my face he was going in further and harder than the time before.
My tongue was pressing against the delicate bottom of his cock and my lips were sucking the cum forward and coaxing it out of the cock.
Then he pushed my head all the way down to the ground and he slammed down on top of me. He was really fucking my face then. I could not move my face anywhere. Behind my head there was the hard, round object and up above me was the powerfully built body of this man.
I reached around and clenched my sharp fingernails into the solid muscles of his ass, but that did not do a thing to hamper his brutal fucking progress. His body kept sliding in and out of my face and I was helpless to do anything about it.
His thick bush of black pubic hair was scratching against my nose and his balls were slamming down into my chin as he kept on fucking my mouth. I tried to swallow, but I found that the movement of my throat only made him groan with pleasure.
And then I could feel his balls tightening up against his body and I could feel a different sort of pressure against my lips. He was no longer moving his body, but his cock was expanding around the base. A load of cum was beginning to pour into his cock and begin its trek forward toward the cock head.
Then: it splashed against the back of my throat.
I had no choice but to swallow it all. None of it would even ooze out of my mouth because I was on my back and unable to move my face in any direction. I could not even moan out because my mouth was too full of cock.
He stayed in my mouth even after he had finished cumming and then when he did pull out he kept his weight on top of me. He was not finished with me as yet and he did not want to let me go free.
"Now that you've gotten all these free peeks at me!" the angry nude model said, "let's see what you've got!"
His rough hands practically ripped my blouse as he opened it and then he tugged on my slacks and really did rip my zipper. In a minute I was naked. Actually I still had my slacks around my ankles and I still have one sleeve of my blouse tangled around one wrist, but I was naked enough for Tom's uses.
He knew what he wanted and he reached down to grasp at my pussy. His vicious fingers abused and tugged at my pussy and then he tossed my legs in the air and pulled them as far apart as they would go with my slacks and panties still down around my ankles.
Tom's tongue dug into my pussy and he gave me a wonderful cunt lapping. But he did it for less than a minute. I wanted more but I did not dare to speak up at that point. I knew that this man was angry and he was going to do just as he pleased.
With one vicious thrust Tom's cock slammed all the way into my pussy. It split me apart and then started ramming in and out of me.
As of the second time that he rammed in my extremely aroused cunt was oozing pussy juice all over his cock. I was wishing that he would stop because it was too much for me to take. It was too much friction and to much excitement and I wanted to stop my orgasm.
But my orgasm kept continuing. I swear to you, Doctor, I had an orgasm that lasted at least five minutes. From the time that I started cumming until Tom finally started cumming in my pussy, he was rubbing back and forth against my undulating pussy flesh and he was making my orgasm go on and on.
After this thing in the woods was over I packed up my photo equipment and I said goodbye to Tom.
"Where are you going? We still have more shots to take!" Tom cried out, still completely naked.
"I'll have them send a new photo!" I said as I hurried away. And that is precisely what I did.
I have a good reputation as a photographer and I already have an offer from a studio that does nice and conservative lady's fashion layouts. I quit my job with the magazine because I knew that I couldn't stand being around naked men.
What can I do? I'm so confused.