Chapter 5
Affair With a Vulgar Cad
"Charlene. Isn't that a silly name? Just like something Mother would dream up, a little too fancy. But that's Mother ... always a little too fancy. And not very close to reality. Now she's turning me over to a psychiatrist to do a job she should have done herself, starting years ago. But no, Mother's much too elegant to do the work of raising a child. If she could have managed it, she'd have had someone else to bear me.
"No, I don't think I'm a sophisticated brat. Not if sophisticated means what you think it does. Which it doesn't, really. Oh, I know, to you it means some sort of snobbery. Over-smart, in the brattish sort of way. Actually, it simply means knowledgeable. At least I know a lot about men. Oh, do I know a lot about men!
"We're not really rich, you know. Not in the jet set class by any means, though my father probably has a very good income. But Mother likes to live as if we were rich. Now, she's the sophisticated one, in the way you mean it, with snobbery thrown in. And she is just a little exaggerated. For instance, she'll say, 'I'm tormented. Simply tormented. Those nasty little creatures didn't send my gown in time, so what am I to wear to the E-s. He's the E-, you know, of the banking clan.' As if I didn't know the E-kids. Why, I had sex with his son a year or so back. Not that he's very good at it, but then he was my first experience. Oh, he's a good enough kid. I suppose. And he hasn't an ounce of snobbery in him. So it wasn't as if he was laying the kitchen maid. He was getting something good and he knew it.
"Even at thirteen I was nicely put together. I'll give Mother that much credit. She did see to it that we were well-fed and properly exercised. We had a governess and a physical ed tutor. She didn't do it herself. She was too busy running off to the Riviera or whatever was the in place of the moment. San Juan les Pins was out the last I heard, though I used to like it there as a kid. But, somebody famous will get laid there in a 'really shocking scandal, my dear,' and the place will be in again.
"No, I'm not being brash. Though actually you mean unfilial, don't you? I just know my mother. She's probably 'tormented, simply tormented by Charlene's disgrace.' As much as she was over that gown that was delayed. Or maybe she's 'prostrated, simply prostrated.' That's a little stronger than tormented as far as Mother is concerned.
"Certainly, I know Mother would do anything for me ... if she could buy it. Can she buy me a new cunt? Fresh and virginal? Yes, I can get vulgar. Vulgarity's rather smart in our crowd at the moment. And did she show up in court? There was a superexpensive lawyer who got me off with a scolding, and the condition I take this psychiatric treatment. Not that I believe in your particular brand of voodoo, but a court order is a court order. And I accept the realities, which is more than Mother ever did. My father? I don't know him. Oh, I know who he is, all right. I just don't know him. He's too busy making money for Mother to fling around to ever get to know me. Or to let me get to know him. Maybe I'd even like him. Perhaps I should have committed incest ... then I'd have known him. And probably not be any worse off than I am.
"Incest shocks you? Why? Animals do it all the time, and we're just talking animals. Why, people even inbreed cattle, horses and dogs to get special strains for the good of the breed. No, incest doesn't shock me. I happen to know several brothers and sisters who have sex together. Right in our crowd, and they seem to like it. Though I'd never think of doing it with Willie, my brother. He's Mother's little prig. And a year younger than I am, anyway.
"Maybe I am a bit of a snob at heart. But I just couldn't see myself sleeping with the riding instructor. Oh, he made passes. But he was getting his kicks from too many of the other girls in our crowd. I think he probably hung up a ribbon for each new conquest, as he did for the horses' wins. He made a couple of the girls enceinte and they went out West, to a 'ranch' for a prolonged stay. And they came back without much sun tan.
"Oh, everybody knows who they are but they weren't officially caught at it, the way I was. They were just 'caught,' which means getting yourself knocked up. Oh, yes, I know all the words: Fuck, cunt, prick, screw ... the lot of them. And I can use them if necessary. And I can see that it is going to be necessary, in order to get through this psychiatric bit. And I know everything about the Pill. Have known for years. I suspect the local druggist sells more of the pills than he does aspirin. Practically everyone in our set needs them.
"Fornication is the favorite indoor sport. And it's done outdoors, too. I know an old cemetery with flat gravestones that is a favored spot, I've even had a piece of ass there myself. And I came home with lichen on my dress, and a date stamped on my derriere. And it wasn't the date I got laid. But I can't say I like that place. Not because of the dead, they couldn't care less what happens above ground. But it's uncomfortable, like screwing in a convertible is a pain.
"That's where I first got laid. By a grown man, I mean. I don't count Buddy because that was just a fumble ... a real disaster. Even if he did take my cherry, if I had one. I doubt it, if you ride horseback much, there isn't any maidenhead left. That's why so many young girls like horseback riding. They get sensations pretty close to a screw, even if they don't know it. And the pommel is, of course, a phallic symbol. Plus it rubs the clitoris. Quite stimulating. I know one girl who puts two steel marbles up her cunt every time she goes riding. The jogging of the horse shakes the steelies up and down, and she masturbates that way. Personally I consider it a cheap thrill. But it's safe, of course, you don't need a Pill.
"Why did I start? With Buddy, you mean? Well, everybody else in our crowd is fornicating all over the place, so I thought I'd try it. I didn't think much of the way Buddy handled it, though the act itself got me emotionally aroused. I liked what happened to me, even if I didn't care much for Buddy. So, I looked for greener pastures, or, to get vulgar, bigger pricks.
"That, of course, meant a grown man. Or I thought so, not having any criterion forjudging the size of penises. I discarded the life guards for the same reason I passed up the riding instructor. They were probably satiated with girls willing to get laid. I'd be just one of a mob.
"Fastidious? Well, some, I guess, though you wouldn't think so from my record, would you? I believe it mentions ten men in one day, though I recall but eight. Still, even eight men in one day is far from fastidious. And three at one time. That's in the court record, too. One in my rectum, one in my vagina and one by fellatio. However, that was practically my graduation course. Under Professor James L. Oh, yes, he called himself professor, probably because he was the official school photographer. That's where I met him, at school.
"Of course, by the time I met Jimmy I had had quite a few experiences. And Jimmy has always had a keen eye for potential lays. A photographic eye you might say.
"Oh, I had been looking for experience, I'll grant you. Rather naively for one you consider sophisticated. And why? Because I speak a more or less accurate brand of English? I learned it from my governess. Actually, in spite of the experience with Buddy, I was quite naive. Especially, when you consider the milieu in which I was brought up, where fornication was rather the order of the day. Wife-swapping in our set is quite commonplace.
"I looked over the field, discarding such obvious males as the riding instructor and the life guards. The bellboys at the club were quite too .smirking in their knowledge of our foibles. And not always too clean, I suspect, though the club steward in sisted on fresh linen daily. Older men probably wouldn't pay much attention to a child, which they would have considered me. Besides, they already had their sexual activities rather mapped out. That left only the younger men, whom I naturally preferred. They are, by and large, more sexually active.
"I picked baby-sitting as a means of meeting them with any degree of intimacy. It was a mistake. Aside from the fact that Mother was 'tormented, simply tormented' at the idea of me working, naturally. And then she let it pass as a childish whim. It was a mistake. When the younger crowd-they don't have live-in servants the way we do-needs a baby-sitter, it is because they're going out. And they are often impatient to get away. Oh, every now and then one of the men would give me a look that sent shivers up my spine, but that's as far as they went. I met Cass that way. Cass was my first conquest, you might say, discounting Buddy.
"Cass is quite handsome and he knows it. That's how he married into our set. To Janet, of the S Trust. And she's lucky to get him, since she hadn't an asset, except her millions. She's not homely, just rather-nyah! ... a blash. Cass is one of those who gave me The Look-and did nothing.
"Until one night they came home early, since Janet was not feeling well. Probably from too many martinis. She told him she was heading for bed. 'Take this child home, and don't disturb me when you come in.' So it's not drinks-or not all of it-but a spat.
"Cass is rather sullen as he starts home with me, muttering about women and how they don't understand a man. That's a pretty fair opening for a girl who plans to put the make on him. So I hud die a little bit, leaning on his shoulder and patting his leg ... in sympathy, of course. But I managed to touch his crotch, just a tap or two. And I suggest that since it's early, we drive out to The Point and catch a breeze. He whisks the car around and we drive up the The Point, which is a favorite necking spot. And some pretty heavy necking goes on. I'd like to have a dollar for every girl that got laid up there, me included.
"Oh, yes. Cass lays me. But he does require encouragement. I undo my blouse, just two buttons, and fan myself, as if I am getting warm. And truthfully, I am. Not there, however, much lower ... I don't wear a bra, so my breasts are quite visible. They even gleam a bit in the moonlight. Cass notices, and stares, and reaches. He squeezes a little and then laughs, nervously. 'You have quite an equipment ... for a kid.' So I let him see some more of that equipment. My legs. I pull them up, so my miniskirt drops back. And they are on view. They're very nice legs. Much better than Janet's skinny shanks. And Cass eyes them. And he puts out a hand to caress one. And his hand goes wandering.
"That's what I want. Caresses that wander up as far as my cunt. And start working on it, just fingering it a bit. So I swing around and give him a big kiss. Not that it connects too well the first time. With his hand on my cunt, playing tricks that are driving me crazy, simply wild. Buddy never did anything like that, though he fumbled around a little. But Cass! ... he really knows how to get a girl worked up. And he's a wiz at buttons and zippers. I fail to recognize it then though I realize later, it must have taken lots of practice for him to be so good.
"Right then, though, I can't care less. I am having the thrills I dreamed about. I am so intent on my own excitement, I fail to realize he has removed my blouse and undone my skirt. Almost without me knowing it, he gets me to raise up so he can slip off my panties. That, of course, gives him free access. And he makes the most of it. His finger slides along the edge of my cunt and dips in-just a fraction but enough so that I squeal. He stops that with another hot kiss, thrusting his tongue in my mouth. And his hands continue to play with me, teasing and squeezing my breasts and nipples and fingering up my cunt. I can feel it getting wet and opening up.
"I wriggle around, trying to get close to him, but that steering wheel is in the way. But I do get my hand on his crotch. And his pants are unzipped and the belt undone, so his fly is open. He pushes my hand in. And I feel his penis. It is big! ... terribly big, and long. So big, it frightens me. I feel I've started something that is going to split me wide open. But I can't stop. It's really driving me wild.
"I push one of my breasts at him, but neither of us can get anything like real satisfaction out of that. Then Cass slides his arms under my bottom and lifts me. And slips under me, into my seat on that side of the car.
"That puts his penis right under me, and his arms wrap around me, his hands cupping my breasts. I can feel his stiff penis sliding up against the cheeks of my derriere and then between my legs. They're open, because I'm straddling his legs. And his head-the head of his penis, that big bulbous thing--is sliding back and forth, right across the lips of my cunt.
"And I can hardly breathe. It should be awful, but instead ... it's wonderful, really wonderful. And all the time his fingers are playing games with my nipples, so they're standing up, erect and firm. It's almost hard to know what is going on, so much seems to be happening to my body at once.
"For some crazy reason I want to reach down and grab his penis and push it into my vagina. But that isn't necessary. Cass lifts me a little, with one arm, and plays around with my vagina with his other hand. Suddenly, he slips that bulbous head in. Then things really do happen inside me. I feel like whooping with the excitement of it except that I can't get the breath for a whoop. It's more of a whimper.
"Cass eases me down on his penis, sliding it in. Buddy's been in me before, but he didn't have anything near that big. It spreads my vagina and starts up my tube. Slowly but, it seems, inexorably. And the deeper he thrusts, the deeper I want it. I feel then I could take a yard or two up my tube, though I know I can't. And it keeps coming, a little at a time, with Cass murmuring in my ear, 'Are you all right? Are you all right?' All I can do is nod.
"He keeps coming in, slow, but very exciting. So exciting, I feel as if I might take off. And pull him with me, hooked with his penis in my vagina. I almost laugh at the idea, only I can't laugh. My stomach muscles are being used for something else.
"Cass lets his hands wander from my breasts down to my stomach, teasing my belly button. I hadn't known that I had so much sensitivity in it, but when there's a penis in me it suddenly develops new feelings. And one hand slides down on the crease of my legs and pelvis ... and follows down to my vagina. He plays with my clitoris until I feel giddy, light-headed. And I am tightened up inside, really wound up.
"I didn't know I had so many sensations in my insides, up my tubes. I've never felt anything in there except when I've been sick, so I didn't know.
But big excitement stirs in there, and heat. Oh, Gcd, did I get hot! And the feel of his penis, rubbing the walls of my tubes was the most exciting thing ever to happen to me up to then.
"Actually, from the cramped position we were in, with me sitting in his lap, he can't get his penis really very far up inside me. But it's far enough to be wonderful to me. Cass humps a little, driving his penis a little further, and I bounce a little, trying to slide down on it. Then we hump and bounce in a sort of rough unison that starts new fires inside and builds new tensions. And when he grabs my breasts again, the nipples are so sensitive, I almost scream. Except I'm concentrating on what's happening in my vagina.
"It's Cass's penis, swelling and pulsing, his bulbous head seeming to expand inside me. Cass grabs me and slams me down, hard ... so hard, I grunt. And then I try to get down deeper on his penis, because my vagina can feel the swelling and the big pulsation. Without knowing how, I know he's going to have an orgasm, a big one. And so am I. Though I try to hold out I want to make it last.
"Cass humps up, as high as he can, and holds it, while his penis throbs and beats inside me ... that bulbous head seems to disintegrate in a vast boom, way up me. And I let go, too. Like everything in me lets loose. As if a too-tight balloon suddenly lets out all its air. I even look at my stomach to see if it has deflated. And then I sink back against Cass with a sigh.
"His hands play over me for a little while and then gradually slow down, dropping to his sides. 'You can certainly exhaust a man, Sharl. That was some screw. A real doozy.' Cass is just a little bit vulgar, you know. But a very good cocksman.
"I'm still getting shivers of excitement, even as his penis goes down and slides out. I can still feel things way up me, as if my juices are still flowing. And maybe they are. Certainly I'm all wet and dripping around my vagina. And I can see Cass is wet, too. Slippery wet. His whole penis glistens with it. I suspect his shorts are ruined with those juices and his trousers are a mess, where we both spilled our juices.
"We both just sit, sagged in the seat, catching up on our breathing, which I felt had been suspended indefinitely. Then he taps my leg. 'Hump up, sweetie, and let me slide out from under. Because that's all for tonight.'
"I raise up and Cass slides back under the wheel, whistling through his teeth, and fixing up the front of his pants. He hands me a handkerchief to wipe myself with. I do, dreamily remembering how exciting it all was. And I even finger my clitoris for a minute, to see if I can start some more fires going.
"Cass really looks me over. I'm still naked. And the whistling hits a higher pitch. 'You're really put together, Sharl. Really put together. And who'd have thought a kid like you could screw like that. Why, you can't be more than thirteen.'
"I am struggling into my panties but I do manage to give him a nasty look. 'I'm going on fourteen. And this isn't my first affair, so don't get so pleased with yourself.'
"Cass looks interested, as if he's about to ask me who else has been having sex with me. Except he thinks the better of it. He lights up a cigaret. 'What about a repeat performance? In more congenial surroundings. Say one of the club cabanas. They have very comfortable couches.'
"Now, we belong to the club. And so do Cass and his wife. But us kids can't take a cabana with out one of our parents signing the chit. You have to be eighteen to get your own key and be able to sign a chit.
"'Can you sign up one? Without Janet knowing?' I didn't mean to insult him, but everybody knows Janet foots the bills. But how closely she checks them I don't know. I know Mother just glances at the total and pays. And I bet the stewards pad her bills something awful.
"Cass rubs his thumb and finger together ... a very vulgar gesture, meaning money being paid. 'There are ways, Sharl. There are ways. And once inside, I can give you thrills you never dreamed of. Shall we say ... tomorrow. About three? Janet has a bridge date.'
"And that tells me Cass has done this cabana bit often, with any number of women and girls. That's about par for the course in our set. As I said, practically everyone is fornicating with someone else besides wife or husband. So I can't make a big scene out of it. Anyway, it's a little difficult to make a big scene when you're squirming back into a miniskirt.
"Besides, I'm still feeling the excitement of tonight in my stomach and up and down and around my vagina. Still, I pretend to think it over, as if I had to rearrange my social calendar to make it. Actually, I'm off from school at two-thirty, so I can make it easily. Finally I nod. 'At three. Tomorrow.' And hesitate. 'That is Thursday, isn't it? Then it's okay.' I'm very nonchalant.
"So now I have a real date to get laid! And I go home, dreaming about what's going to happen then. I even kiss Cass half-heartedly when he drops me at our house.
"My vagina aches that night and most of the next day, I must admit. However, the pain was a sort of stimulus to memory, helping me to men tally reconstruct the things that had happened the night before. I'm afraid I was a bit absentminded in school for the children of our immediate circle. We were all certain of promotion. So nobody really cared.
"At three o'clock, I wander nonchalantly out on the club terrace as if I hadn't a thought in the world. And certainly none about being laid. Cass is there and waves at me, so I stroll over. He lights a cigaret and says, 'Cabana 68. I have the key.' I nod and stroll down toward the cabanas. Being probably much too nonchalant, as I now realize. I pass Cabana 68 with a real lurch in my stomach, a lurch of excitement. And on down to the end and then back, slowly, waving at friends, and then moving around the corner. The door of Cabana 68 is open, so I move over as if to speak to someone.
"Cass reaches out and tugs me in. 'Glad you could make it, Sharl.' And he holds me tight in his arms, so that my breasts crush against him and I'm already nearly suffocating with excitement.
"Frankly, I think much of the stimulus toward sex is in the anticipation, the thinking about it Particularly in a girl as young as I was. Curiosity and anticipation are potent factors, I suspect. Or don't you agree? Oh, I grant that there must be the physical drive, the development of the glands, to trigger the thinking and anticipation. Oh, yes, to get back to Cass.
"Cass is slower this time. I suppose that's natural. But I am impatient for the act itself. I want to feel his penis forcing its way up my tube, to know the intense excitement of fornication. However, it is thrilling to be slowly undressed, to have my blouse removed and Cass admire my breasts, fondling and kissing them until I grasp his head and thrust one into his mouth. His hands are sliding under my miniskirt and across my derriere, triggering intense excitement, generating heat in my vagina, churning my stomach to intense desire.
"He slides my panties down and then sits on an ottoman, admiring my cunt, just staring at it for a moment, holding me by the hips. Then he leans forward, pressing his lips against my cunt, darting in with his tongue to tease the lips and even to penetrate as far as my clitoris. I almost faint with excitement because of the wild surges that seep up from my vagina all through my stomach. All the time his hands are reaching up to play with my breasts, until I begin to beg him to fuck me. Oh, yes. I know the terms. And they're easier to use when you're excited.
"He picks me up and lays me on the couch, wide-eyed and waiting, watching him chuck out of his shirt and strip down his pants and underpants. His penis is enormous! Bigger, far bigger in that dim half light than it had seemed in the dark. And I know he is going to go deeper into me than he went before. He's telling me this, talking softly about how he'll really ream me out this time ... the softness of his voice is almost hypnotizing me.
"He sits on the bed, down by my hips, facing me, and talks some more, only now he is playing with my breasts and my cunt, occasionally raking his fingernails lightly across my stomach and down to my pelvis. With my highly sensitized skin this is both excruciatingly painful and at the same time an enormous stimulant to desire.
"I can see his penis, erect and stiff and seeming to vibrate. I am terrified of it, yet I want it. Oh, how I want it thrust into me. I can see the glisten begin on his bulbous head, even as I feel my own juices wetting my vagina. And I am opening up. I can feel my own cunt opening. My legs, which had been rigid and held tight together, are falling open of their own accord. I toss and moan, writhing in anticipation of his penis in me, while his hands continue to play with me, caressing my breasts, playing with my nipples and sliding over the insides of my thighs.
"I can't stand this a moment longer. I need completion. I need his penis in me. I reach for it, grasping and tugging. He grasps my wrist. 'Don't yank it off, Sharl. We'll be using it.' I let go and half sit up, reaching for his shoulders, to pull him down against my breasts. He bends with me, and gives me a long hot kiss while he is sliding over between my legs, so that his bulbous head is pressing against my open cunt.
"Then he begins a slow, rhythmic pump that spreads the lips of my vagina until his bulbous cock heads slips in. He begins his drive up my tube. I whimper with delight, and move my pelvis up to meet his shaft, driving it deeper into me. And I gulp with sudden fear as it goes on up and up. How can anything that huge go so far up me? I can feel my tube stretch to accept it, feeling new areas open as he goes beyond where he had been the night before.
"And then his pubic hair is right against my mound-and he begins pumping. I move my pelvis to match his rhythm, and the excitement builds, nerves grow taut. My stomach is one intense ache of desire! I keep murmuring his name-'Cass!Cass!-Deeper!-Deeper, please!'
"There is nothing like that climax! Those tensions explode into wild gyrations as we pound together. Then that last, slow near-withdrawal of his penis, and the final, almost violent stab far up my insides. And true explosions-then, a wondrous release. Magnificent peace after so much tension! I sag back, whimpering with the delight of it. Cass gives one last thrust and subsides on me, breathing heavily, perspiring, going limp.
"I wait the slow shrinking of his penis and its titillating withdrawal that triggers minor explosions in me-minor but delightful. And it is all over. Cass rolls off me, and we lie together, warmed by each other's body, and the memory of a tremendous experience. Not that we really need warmth. Our bodies gleam with sweat from the exertion and excitement. Nevertheless, the bodily warmth is comforting.
"Cass makes our common shower a delight, teasing my breasts as he soaps my body, kneeling to wash, and kiss, my cunt. We even kiss in the shower, the warm water pouring over us. But it is a rather tender kiss. He dries me off with a huge towel the club supplies, admiring my body, molding it as he slides his hands over me.
"'You're a beautiful child. Beautiful. And a great delight in bed. I wish we could do it again, but I have to meet Janet. Even as insatiable a bridge player as she is, she has to quit sometime. Do we meet again tomorrow?' I nod dumbly, because I could have taken another thrust of his penis-another exciting, delightful fornication. But tomorrow would have to do.
"'Wonderful. I'll reserve the same cabana. And for the same time?'
"Again I nod. And that began the series of assignations with Cass-and the curious ending. He was really a cad, you know, a vulgar cad."
Charlene Z. as we can see, puts on a gallant show of nonchalance about her predicament. She is overeducated and over-indulged, raised in an atmosphere of social extremes, too much money and too little home supervision-social proprieties must be preserved, but sexual activity is rampant. With the precocity of a thirteen-year-old, she can see the falsity of the social structure without having the true sophistication to judge it properly, on an individual basis, and govern herself accordingly.
Her language, as she tells her story, sounds like that of an educated adult. Many of her perceptive judgments of the people concerned also seem adult, yet she has not the capacity for control of circumstances her apparent sophistication should ensure. In almost tragic gallantry she recites a story that, as we shall see, ends in degradation. Degradation and disgrace.
by the end of her story, Charlene herself is aware of the forces, at least the social forces, that drove her to concupiscence and adultery. As for the biological urges that drove her to seek sex as an outlet for restlessness and over-indulgence, it is doubtful that she understood them, or even considered them. Sex was part of her milieu and therefore, to her, a perfectly commonplace thing. There is a hint, in her closing remarks of this session of her psychiatric therapy, that she understands what the psychiatrist may be able to do to curb her sexual desires. But that, as she infers, is not a desirable attribute in the society to which she must return.
She is the victim here, even though she did contribute to her delinquency and even initiated her original seduction. First of all, she, too, is victim of her emergence from that period of latency in sexual development. This is the period, usually extending from about age seven into puberty, where the child is not particularly curious about bodily functions, even those of its sex organs, which, after all, have as secondary function that of elimination.
At puberty, curiosity about and interest in these organs-by then virtually mature and able to function at a sexual level-is again aroused. Puberty, particularly in young girls, has wrought some remarkable changes. Breasts have begun to develop, legs have become rounded and definitely female in contour, menstrual periods center attention on the vaginal tract itself. There are even urges toward sexual activity, purely from an emotional drive and not simply from curiosity. The temptation to experiment, Whether it be leaping from a shed roof with bedsheet wings in an effort to fly, or indulging in sex becomes very great.
These experiments to indulge in sex appear to be inherent in children who have reached puberty, notably young girls, whose physical configuration, the opening of her vagina, makes such experimentation possible. The instances of forcible rape of young girls, even those who have not reached puberty, is adequate evidence that penetration can be achieved, even though there may be no gratification, no orgasm for the young girl.
Charlene is also the victim, not simply of her general environment-which was conducive to sexual experimentation and indulgence-but her home environment as well, where interest in and supervision of her development was negligible. Had she been given adequate sex education and guidance, she might well have behaved differently, even in the indulgent milieu of her social group.
Karl Bernhardt, in his book Natural Sex Techniques, says, "Actually, we should not need 'sex education' as we usually think of it. Knowledge of sex should be allowed to be integrated to the growth of the child as simply as any other bodily functions." He goes on to say that, with this form of slowly integrated information and guidance, naturalness would take over and we would be spared, as a society, a number of our psychoses and aberrations.
Charlene, as we can gather from other cases cited herein, is not an isolated incident. Maxwell Douglas, in his book on juvenile sex activities Documented Cases of Sub-Teen Sex cites the California Youth Authority as placing the number of girls under fifteen who have had sexual relations at more than a hundred thousand annually. The reports of the National Committee on Crime Prevention and Parole places the national figure at more than one million young girls (under fifteen) who indulge in sex.
These are appalling figures. And they must be accepted. More than a million sub-teen Lolitas ... every year! Charlene (and the others noted here) represent but a tiny fragment. This does not make each fragment any less important. Or any less in need of sympathetic treatment and firm parental guidance.
With such guidance, Charlene might well have grown up to become a fresh, gay, unspoiled and undespoiled young woman. As it was, Charlene falls into a group noted in the Blau-Bender-Rasmussen study of children between the ages of nine and thirteen who had had sexual relations with adults. The conclusion was that, in a number of instances, the girls were "not helpless victims but played an active or even initiating role in their delinquency. They might even be considered the seducers rather than the seduced."
Charlene certainly played an initiating role in her affair with Cass. Why Cass, a man considerably older and certainly not of her peer group? Sigmund Freud, in Clara Thompson's definitive study of his theories, Psychoanalysis: Evolution and Development, is quoted as saying that psychic trauma must come from within not from external incidents. And, in connection with this and Freud's theories on "father fixation" and the "father image" in the sexual activities of young girls, Bender and Blau conclude that "the association in the act of a grownup, who to the child must still represent the omnipotent parent, probably condones the transgression."
Not that Charlene, given her milieu of very permissive sex, needed to have her transgression condoned. It is doubtful, from a close study of her own words, that she felt she was transgressing. Getting caught at it was the transgression within her social sphere. Which is noted in Vance Packard's The Sexual Wilderness as a society that has a growing disregard for social conventions and morality. This has an influence on the young of that society, with respect to their regard or disregard for standards, particularly those of morality.
"Cass was really a cad. If he hadn't been, I don't suppose I could have seduced him in that convertible. Oh, I did seduce him, or at least initiate it. Someone less of a cad would have known how to turn off a child's advances, no matter how provocative. At least, I think so. Or perhaps not. In our circle casual fornication is likely to be the rule rather than the exception. So I really can't say-about whether or not an man would have resisted what I had to offer-and it is quite good. I have a good figure and nice breasts and quite shapely legs.
"Still, Cass is a cad. I say that from hindsight. For those first few meetings he is my gallant, tender lover, and I live perpetually on my private Cloud Nine, waiting each day to meet him. Unfortunately, Cass can't get away that often. And weekends are taken up with club activities.
"At first, for almost a week, we do meet every day, and each session is a wonderful experience ... richer and deeper. Then it drops to every other day.
Then to twice a week. I don't realize it then, but Cass is tiring of my girlish enthusiasm for sex. Or perhaps he's weary of me, a huntsman's game.
"One day I go to Cabana 68, it is now virtually our own, I push open the door and walk in. There is a stranger there. Well, not a stranger, exactly. I know him. It's Bill, married to Alice, the tobacco heiress.
"Bill grins at me and then, as I start to back out, saying, 'Excuse me, I thought this was someone else's cabana,' he reaches over me and shuts the door, enclosing us in semi-gloom. 'Oh, it's Cass's cabana, all right. But he can't make it today, so he suggested I might take his place.' And he studies me carefully, focusing on my breasts and then running his eyes down my legs. 'And I'm happy to oblige. Yes, I am very happy. Provided, of course, it's all right with you.'
"It isn't. I am suddenly sick to my stomach. I mean, I really want to retch and vomit. In fact, I make a break for the John and upchuck in the basin. Cass has just sold me out to any guy who wants to screw me. That's what it amounts to. Not that I really thought our relationship was sacred or even permanent. But I did think it meant something to him. More than just a roll in the hay. Only, as I calm down, I realize that's all it is. Even for me. I just grabbed Cass because he was handy when I needed a man.
"Bill comes in, just as I'm flushing away my lunch, very solicitous. 'Sorry, kid. I didn't realize I was so repulsive. Or even how this might seem to you. I really am sorry. But Cass gave me to understand ... '
"I back up against the basin and nod. 'Oh, I understand. Cass told you I had round heels, and was a good lay ... and that's all I have been to Cass, a good lay. I expect I am.' I try for dignity, and then bust out crying. Bill takes me in his arms, patting my back and making soothing noises. And I bury my face against his shoulder. 'I'm sorry, Bill. I didn't mean to turn on the faucets. It's just that I hadn't realized ... '
"Bill keeps patting me and leads me back into the main room. 'Of course, kid. And I ought to be shot for even thinking of taking his place, or trying to force myself on you. I wouldn't have hurt you for the world, kid.'
"He sits down in a chair and holds me on his lap, patting my back until I stop hiccoughing from tears. 'It's not your fault, Bill. I realize that. And I'm just being a baby. So if you want me ... '
"Bill, grins at me. 'You're all right, kid. You're swell. But I don't think I want to be a substitute. I was crazy to think of it. Only I'd seen you around and you looked so cute and desirable...." He shrugged, sort of helplessly, 'Can you forgive me?'
"I smiled at him. 'I can. And do.' And gave him a big kiss, meaning just to make it sort of impersonal but friendly. Only, somehow, sitting there, close to him, smelling his maleness-there is a special odor about men, you know-I began turning that kiss into something real hot.
"And Bill's patting became more than just comforting. I mean, his hands began to stroke my back, all the way down to my derriere. I gave him a little more tongue in that hot kiss and wiggled a little, so my breasts rub against his chest, starting things up for me. And the wriggling set my derriere to moving against his legs and crotch, and things began to happen. Inside me, and inside Bill, I suspect.
"He moves one hand around so it caresses a breast and his other slides under my derriere, working its way up my miniskirt, until he is feeling me up. And I can feel his penis swelling, throbbing against my hip. One hand undoes my blouse and slides in, covering one breast. I turn a little so he can reach it easily and settle back with a sigh.
"Bill is gentler than Cass, less hurried. And maybe a little doubtful about how far he can go with me. By then, with his finger tapping my vagina, I'm ready for him to go all the way. I'm getting hot, real hot. So I finish undoing my blouse and struggle out of it, with Bill helping me, eyeing my breasts. He twists down and kisses one. I raise up a little, to push it closer to his mouth and that opens my legs. His hand reaches in and cups over my vagina, one finger playing on it like it was a bongo drum.
"He stops playing with my cunt long enough to help me slide out of my miniskirt and panties, and I sit there naked in his lap. And I am excited, knowing that I am going to get laid. And I don't care if it's Cass or not. So that does make me a round-heel.
"Bill plays with my breasts and runs a hand around my derriere and then pulls it out and goes to work in earnest on my vagina, fingering me until I'm writhing with excitement, moaning and letting out tiny yelps of pleasure over what's happening. I nuzzle him, kissing his neck as he picks me up and carries me to the couch, standing over me and looking down, sort of dazed. He peels out of his shirt slowly, stopping every now and then to touch my breast or my stomach or my vagina, as if he is reassuring himself I'm still there, and real. He drops his trousers and shorts. I can see his penis, then. I don't know if it's really bigger than Cass's or just seems so. But it looks enormous to me. And very exciting. Because I know now my vagina can stretch, and the more stretch the greater the excitement, and excitement's where it's at.
"Bill leans down and kisses my cunt, playing in it with his tongue, teasing my clitoris so that I'm humping up to meet his tongue, wishing his penis was already in me. And he plays with my breasts and nibbles my nipples. Maybe it's the same old treatment-and it pretty much is, as I find out later-but it works. I nearly scream with the want of his penis in me and reach up to grab his shoulders.
"Bill has very big shoulders and tapers down to a slim pair of hips. I slide my hands down there, trying to lever him over on to me. He lifts his head to murmur, 'Don't rush it, kid. Getting there is half the fun.' And he goes back to tonguing my nipples.
"By that time I am whimpering and pleading, begging him to take me. And finally he slides between my legs, pushing his gleaming cock head up against my vagina, holding it there without going in, moving just a fraction, enough to tease my clitoris and get my juices flowing. Then, without warning, he thrusts. His penis slides in, not slow, like Cass does it, but in one big swoop, so that I nearly shoot off the couch. That method has its own special brand of excitement, because he pulls his penis almost out and does it again, really ramming way up in me.
"I yelp and try to twist away, and then I am humping to meet it, to ram it further up me. Until his wiry pubic hair is right up against my bare little vagina-which isn't so little, now, being stretched and titillated, so that it seems to be growing of itself.
"His prick is so far up me, I can almost taste the glisten of it, though of course, it isn't really that far up. And we really go for a ride, with Bill pumping and my humping, until the tensions get so great that something has to give. I suddenly hump as far as I can with Bill's weight on me, and he drives back, sinking me into the couch.
"Explosions far up inside me rock me. I claw at his shoulder and cry out, almost like little dog barks, while things happen, wonderful, exciting things. Things I'd like to keep going, only if they really kept going I'd probably go crackers. You can stand just so much excitement. And the explosions relieved the tension.
"I shivered and lay still, limp as a rag, and Bill drooped over me, dropping his head by my ear. 'Wonderful! You're wonderful, kid. Really great!' I kissed his neck, but gently, and then closed my eyes, drooping down on the couch, waiting while his penis slid slowly, shiveringly out of me.
"We took our shower together, and Bill's soaping of me started excitement all over again, especially when I played with his penis until it was stiff again. Bill's wife is out of town, visiting her people in Chicago, so he does not have to rush off. He carries me back to the couch and it all begins again, maybe more wonderful than before because we're both too tired to rush it. Slow screwing is best, I think.
"That's what started me fornicating with men, which is different from having an affair. I had Bill, oh, maybe a dozen times. More, if you count our doubles. And then there were the others. I think Cass was spreading the word. Maybe he was a little miffed that Bill took up so much of my time and I didn't give him a date when he asked.
"I got propositions, very carefully worded of course, and the offers of keys to any number of cabanas. And I took some of them up on it. The ones I thought were cute. It got so I knew the ceilings of practically every cabana in the private row. And I had a wonderful time. Not every time was as good as it was with Bill. He had something special. And some of 'em were a little crude, with no real preliminaries which, as Bill said, are half the fun.
"About this time I have my graduation picture made and I meet Professor Jimmy, the official school photographer. He seems to like me a lot. And he takes some extra shots of me, full length. He talks about how I ought to come to his studio for some really good photographs. I guess I was a little naive. I liked the stuff he had shot. So maybe he could do better at his studio. I go down there one afternoon.
"At first he shows me real glamor shots, telling me I really ought to be in pictures, which even I recognize as an opening gambit Especially, since his arm is around my shoulders guiding me from mounted picture to mounted picture, as if I couldn't move under my own power. And his hand wanders. Down my back, first and then he squeezes me and drops his hand over my breast, moving it just a little, teasing my nipple.
"By then I think I know the score-he wants a good lay. And I'm ready for one myself. I mean, by that time, what's another man in a girl's panties? I've had several, some very good, some hot so hot So why not the Professor? He's not big but wiry and sort of pixyish. So I let him play around, getting more intimate with each move, until his hand is inside my blouse, right on one breast He draws a big breath and says, 'Sharl, I know you don't care much for these glamor shots but I have some real interesting ones in my office.'
"That's nearly as corny as 'Come up and see my etchings,' and just about as obvious. But if that's the way he plays, I'll go along. Mostly because his hand on my breast is starting to get things inside me interested.
"Jimmy takes me into his office and displays some nudes. 'very good ones, I think. 'very nice lighting, well composed. I don't think I got excited just looking at female nudes. Why should I? I could look at a pretty good specimen right in my mirror. But it was the idea that these girls had been nude in front of a man, showing their bodies for his delectation, that really began to get me worked up. So when Jimmy said, 'How about it?' I was willing.
"He skips into his studio, saying he'd get the lights and cameras set up and I can undress in his office. It makes me a little nervous, undressed like that and stepping out into the studio. And maybe a little disappointed. He seems just to want another nude model, not a lay.
"Still, it is something of a thrill to stand naked under bright lights and know a man is looking at you, even if it is from behind a camera. Jimmy tells me to change the pose, but apparently I don't do it right, so he comes out and takes hold of me, to move me-I think then. Only his hands begin to wander from just taking hold. He caresses my breasts and then down my stomach and up the insides of my thighs, so that I know he means to lay me.
"I cooperate by giving him a big kiss, pressing my breasts against his chest, while his hands wander down my back, to my derriere. He pulls me up close, so that I feel his penis throbbing inside his pants, which is very exciting, especially with my skin warmed by those lights.
"Jimmy picks me up and takes me to this studio couch, still under those bright lights, and lays me across it, with my derriere on the edge and my legs hanging over. It's a very exciting position, because the skin is stretched taut and much more sensitive to touch. And he touches, running his hands over my breasts and down my stomach and up my thighs and right on to my vagina, until I am wet there with anticipation and I know it's open for him to go in.
"He doesn't. Not with his penis. He kneels between my legs and starts kissing my vagina and running his tongue inside to tease my clitoris. 'very, very exciting, since his hands play over my breasts and stomach at the same time. I moan and writhe under the stimulus of his tongue in my cunt, and spread my legs wide for him. Waiting, wanting more.
"He stops for a moment and steps aside, to shed his shirt and pants. I can scarcely see for the bright lights in my eyes, but enough to know he is undressing. Then he steps between my legs, into the lights, and I can see his penis. It's big, bigger than you'd expect from a rather small character.
"I am not afraid of it, though. I've had some pretty big ones thrust into me and I know I can stretch to take them. Mostly, I just want them, hungrily. I ache for him to push his throbbing prick inside me. I can't reach him but I beckon. He moves on me slowly, rubbing his hard on against my vagina, teasing at my clitoris until I am really ready to scream with the tension and excitement. All his movements are slow, even the way he goes in. Just the tip of his prick ... and he holds it a little more....
"Step by slow step he thrusts his prick into me. I've never felt it done that way, and it is very exciting. And once more he starts playing his hands over my body. I arch up to feel them and thrust at him with my pelvis, until his prick is buried in me, right up to his bush against my vagina. He begins his slow pumping, moving his prick slowly in and out so that I feel its bulbous head moving far up inside me. Lots farther, it seems, than any man has been before. And starting fires up there that I've never felt before, hotter, more exciting.
"I writhe and twist and hump back at him, trying to make him speed up that slow, wonderful rhythm. I beat at his shoulders. I reach down and grab his derriere to try to pull him in deeper and faster. Until I am so tense inside, so hot and excited, I explode before my time.
"And still he keeps on, and on. And the excitement builds again, so tight I nearly scream. I am whimpering and writhing and humping. And it happens! His penis swells and throbs, so that I feel it all up my vagina, and then his tremendous prick spouts a great gob of his come way up, hot ... it seems to fill my belly. And I answer, letting go inside like a small bomb, with such an orgasm as I hadn't dreamed was possible! It was marvelous, simply wonderful!
"And the release was equally wonderful, the slow return of peace and great, great contentment. I slump back on the couch as Jimmy pulls his penis out, holding it just a shade long right at my vagina, and then pulling it out. He knelt again and started kissing my vagina, thrusting his tongue in and seeming almost to scoop up my juices.
"And of course, that started me wanting him all over again. But he didn't put his penis back. Instead, he came around the couch, to my head, and leaned over me ... all the way over me, to kiss my vagina from there. And that put his penis almost in my face.
"It was big and swelling back to fornication size, when he raises his head and looks at me. 'Have you ever had it this way? In your mouth? It's real wild.' And he bends to tongue my vagina again, letting his penis stiffen, aiming it right at my mouth. I never had had it that way, but I was building up to such excitement again, I decide to try it, not that I'm sure of how.
"I open my mouth but his penis is still an inch or so above it. So I reach for it, shivering with excitement from his hands playing over my breasts, while his tongue is in my vagina. I pull on his penis a little and he lowers himself, so that his prick is in my mouth.
"I can taste the juices of it, since it is still slippery and shiny with them. And suddenly I like the taste ... it's salty and sharp. I run my tongue over its bulbous head, sucking on it. He suddenly thrusts with it, and the big head of his prick goes down my throat, almost choking me. And he rides up and down, excitingly. I play with his shaf-what's still outside-and his testes-which are almost on my nose. And I suck, even though I can't really breathe very deeply.
"Jimmy is tonguing my vagina and sucking-I can feel his sucking way up-and playing with my breasts and stomach and even the insides of my thighs. All the time this great bulbous head is riding up and down in my throat, creating new excitement that I never felt before. And I have an orgasm! A very thrilling one, even without a penis inside me. And at the same time, Jimmy has one, too.
"He gives one big thrust, driving his prick far down my throat, his balls almost clog my nostrils. I can feel the throb and pulse of him in my throat, and the sudden flooding of his juices way down. He pulls his penis out, while he's still spurting juices, filling my mouth with this salty flood of his orgasm, my cheeks and chin are dripping with his semen.
"It's an indescribable taste, since most of the taste is really the excitement of sex, or at least partly. The rest is the taste itself, salty and tangy. I lick a few more tastes from his prick and then drop back, exhausted. I don't think I could have taken another fuck.
"Jimmy didn't expect it, thank goodness. I was just emotionally exhausted. And to tell the truth, Jimmy wasn't much better. He sags down by the couch, one hand draped over my breast, murmuring in my ear, 'You're the greatest, Sharl. Really great! This has been wonderful!'
"It is at least half an hour before I even feel like moving. And even then I move very slowly, almost dreamlike. The shower revives me somewhat and I come out at least, a little more than half alive, trying on a smile for size. Jimmy is dressed and grinning at me. 'Sharl, this has been a wonderful afternoon. If you'll come back tomorrow, I'll have the prints ready.'
"I had almost forgotten he'd taken those nudes. So I nod and drift out, still half dreaming of the excitement and wonder of this new method of having sex. Some of the taste is still in my mouth, and I savor it, remembering.
"The next afternoon I go back, pretty sure Jimmy is going to give me another terrific lay. Instead, he has the nudes he shot all finished up. Plus a series of shots of him sucking me and screwing me and of me sucking him.
"I am horrified. 'How did you ... ' And Jimmy grins. 'Automatic cameras. I had three set up. Aren't these dillies?' And he thrust the pictures at me.
"Seeing yourself being screwed, sucking on a man's penis, isn't exciting. It's pretty sickening. It doesn't even bring back memories of excitement. I just sat there staring at those bright, glittery pictures, not really hearing Jimmy.
"And he's talking up a storm. 'Pretty good, aren't they? You can see you just as plain. No mis taking who that is. Why, even your mother would recognize them. Not that I intend to show them to her, of course. Still, I might have to. I've got a lot of money tied up in those pictures. Unless you want to buy them? Huh?'
"I catch a deep breath. 'Jimmy, that's blackmail! And you know I don't have the kind of money to buy these. My allowance is about five dollars a week ... '
"Jimmy pats my arm. 'Look, kid. I'm not blackmailing you. Of course not. And I don't expect you to pay for those pictures. Not one cent.'
"For a moment I'm relieved, then I hear the rest of what he has to say. 'Not one cent ... however, you can repay me. In kind. You know, just helping a fellow out.'
"I don't get it. 'You mean-screw you again? You don't have to blackmail me into that. I came willingly and I'd come back again.'
"Jimmy shakes his head. 'Not quite that, Snarly. Not quite that. I know a number of guys that would ... well, take care of poor old Jimmy ... if they could lay a nice fresh young piece like that.' And he taps the pictures. 'In fact, I showed them to one guy this morning. And he's here, now. Waiting to see if you will take him on. How about it?'
"What can I say? If I don't, Jimmy will show those pictures to Mother, who'll really go into a flip. A real freewheeling ding-dong of a flip. And Father! ... I sit there for a minute and finally I nod. 'Okay. It's a deal. If you give me the prints and the negatives.'
"Jimmy grins, rubbing his hands. 'Smart kid, real smart. And you shall have the prints and negatives ... afterwards.' So I get up like a zombie and walk into the studio, scared spitless of what's coming. The character in there is a nice enough old duck. Not really old, but sagging in places. And he's as nervous as I am.
"Somehow that helps. I mean, I am not quite so dead in my feeling. I go over and sit on the couch by him and begin to take off my blouse. He turns and says, very politely, 'Let me help. I'd really like to.'
"After that, it's not so bad. He's careful and, in some ways, considerate. And the screwing turns out all right, even if I don't give it my full attention, still feeling sick about what Jimmy has done. And what Mother would say. But mostly, how it would affect Father, even if I didn't know him too well. But the old duck was satisfied. In fact, he was quite happy, even if he couldn't manage the second time around, though he tried. He just didn't have the steam.
"I didn't really understand what Jimmy meant when he said he'd give me those prints and negatives afterwards. Afterwards didn't just mean that one time ... Jimmy had me hooked, solid. So, for two afternoons a week and on Saturdays I went to Jimmy's studio. Mostly, the guys were old goats. The first one came back several times and we even got chummy.
"And then came some young ones. Real horny characters, who gave me some really exciting times. I even liked it. And when three of them wanted to work a three way operation, I was willing, though I didn't see how.
"One lay on the couch, with his penis stiff and erect, telling me to sit on it. I had to take it in my rear. That was new, and exciting, crazily exciting. Another climbed on the two of us and thrust his penis in my vagina, and the third stood at my head, for me to suck on him. It was real crazy and exciting.
"I didn't know it then, and didn't find out until after Jimmy's place was raided, that Jimmy had photographed that three-way session. And lots of others. And he had been blackmailing the solid characters, like my elderly friend, who had been screwing me. Jimmy had some other girls under his thumb, too. Some of them might surprise you. It did me, and some of the younger wives.
"That's why it was more or less hushed up. Too many important people, a lot of them right in our set, were involved. And so I didn't go to jail or some reform school, I'm doing this psychiatric bit with you, so I'll be readjusted and normal. That's a laugh! In our set, fornication is normal, with wife-swapping and all the rest. And, as I said, even incest. Normal! What's normal? And how am I going to be readjusted? I was raised in an atmosphere of sex, so you'll have to readjust me to that. I already was adjusted. Maybe a little young, but I'll outgrow that. So what do we do? I suggest we play tiddley-winks until these sessions are over."
Until she was forced into a form of prostitution by Jimmy's peculiar method of blackmail, Charlene felt little or no qualms about her sex activities, except for fear of the one unforgivable sin (in her social sphere) of getting caught. The selling of her body-though she did not actually participate in that phase nor profit by it except to the extent of not having her activities disclosed to her parents-became a real degradation.
It was the crass commercialism of Jimmy's transactions that horrified her, rather than the sexual acts he forced her to commit. She seems to have enjoyed these acts, even though, as she says, she could not personally select her sex partners. Her whole series of sex acts was for the hedonistic gratification of the sexual drive. And this appears to have included those into which she was forced
-in a way of speaking-by Jimmy's blackmail.
Charlene's clear if somewhat juvenile perception of her social milieu and its lax sexual standards, is perhaps very well expressed in her closing comments to her psychiatric therapist. In that she asks him why she should be "readjusted" and made "normal," when that was not the norm of her group. She even suggests, she and the psychiatric therapist "play tiddley-winks."
This may seem a juvenilism, almost a reversion to her childhood, but it does, however, show her recognition of the status of her social milieu, with the added fillip of a childish contempt for it.