Chapter 1
Always With a Grin
"I still haven't figured out why to this day, but from about the time I was twelve years old my dad and I just didn't get along any more. It seemed as though we were constantly fighting about one thing or another, and I sure didn't get any help from my mother. She was too wrapped up in her bridge club and bowling league and the Community Activities Council to care about what was happening to me, or how much Dad and I were fighting.
"Actually, Dad wasn't a bad father. Don't let me give you that impression, 'cause it would be wrong. The rent was always paid, there was always plenty of food in the house, and I had a full closet of clothes to wear. As a matter-of-fact, whenever Dad and I weren't fighting he was always buying me new things, and there was always a big present of some kind for me the day after we had an argument. He even gave me a pretty good allowance. It was just that he seemed to disapprove of everything I did, and everyone I knew. All of my girlfriends from school were 'tramps' and 'sluts' according to him, and I wasn't allowed to bring any of them to the house. He wouldn't even discuss giving me permission to go out with any of the boys I knew from school. I had a lot of requests for dates, too, since, even if I do say so myself, I was pretty good looking and awfully well developed physically.
"That business about me not being allowed to have any boyfriends led to one of my biggest problems, and led to a later happening that was just plain terrible. You see, I developed physically sort of early, like, I had pretty good breasts by the time I was eleven, and by the time I was fourteen I was building up a lot of unreleased sexual tension.
"From the girl-talk that went on about sex and boys in school and our sex education class, I had a pretty good idea what sex was all about, and it didn't take me long to discover the pleasures of masturbation. As a matter-of-fact, playing with myself until I had an orgasm became an almost every night thing with me after a while. It was the only way I had to work off my building sexual frustrations.
"At first I would just rub on my clitoris with my thumb and roll my fingers over the lips of my vagina, poking the tips inside a little ways only to pick up a little moisture, which sure did smell sexy and feel good when I rubbed the slippery juice on the small, tight button of my clit. As the years went by, though, I started going farther and farther with my masturbation. Soon I began sticking one finger up inside my tight hole while I used my other hand to play around with my clit, and by the time I got to the point where I was doing this every night my cunt was relaxed and opened enough that it didn't hurt much anymore, or if it did hurt the pain was completely hidden behind the wall of strong sexual pleasure I was feeling.
"Of course, it didn't take very many months of this sort of activity before it started getting old and sort of boring, and more and more I found my thoughts turning to the questions and fantasies of what it would be like to have a man playing with me like that. I wasn't really interested then in the idea of having sexual intercourse with a man. I still had the starry-eyed idea of 'saving' it for my eventual husband, whoever he might have turned out to be, but I really did dig on the idea of having a man masturbate me.
"I even knew which man I wanted for the job.
Mr. A--. Eric A-, my sex education class teacher. Thinking back about it now, five years after all these things were happening, I'll be damned if I can understand why I was so interested in him, rather than in one of the boys that
I went to school with. He certainly wasn't anything special as a man, and not near as handsome as some of the boys who were chasing me, without luck. Maybe it was the subject he taught. Sitting there in the classroom, listening to him talking about sex and having all kinds of erotic daydreams really turned me on. There were several times when I had to ask to be excused from the class so I could go down to the girls' room and masturbate to an orgasm, just to keep from having one right there in class, complete with moans and groans. When I get hot I really lubricate, and I'm sure that I smell just like a bitch dog in heat. I guess it was all of these things that made him the natural choice when it came to having daydreams about doing things with a man. I really don't think I ever consciously planned to get anything going with Eric. It just sort of happened.
"One afternoon, after classes had let out, I decided to stop by this little restaurant a couple of blocks from school for a coke before going home. I liked the place because it wasn't where the other kids hung out. I always felt sort of out-of-place with a bunch of them, because they were always talking about going out, and making out, and things like that which were forbidden to me by my father. Things which I doubted then I would ever be allowed to do.
"I walked into the place, dropped my books on one of the seats, and sat down next to them at the counter. I was watching a young Mexican boy load dirty dishes into a tray, waiting for the waitress to finish taking another order, daydreaming about nothing, when I felt a hand on my shoulder, hot through the thin cloth of my blouse.
"It was Eric. He was about forty then, with sort of pale; pasty skin and bright blue eyes. His chin was square, but a little too short, and his body, though not fat, was sort of lumpy and flabby under his shiny blue suit. Not at all what I would call a good looking man today, but then I guess I was sort of in love with him.
" 'Can I buy you something, Heather?' he asked.
" 'Sure, a coke, if the waitress ever gets here.'
"Eric had sort of a strange tensed-like expression on his face, and all of a sudden, when he looked right at me, I could smell the sharp, pungent odor of alcohol on his breath. I wondered what was bothering him, what could be causing him to start drinking in the middle of the day. It wasn't long before I found out. He was just horny!
" 'How come a pretty girl like you is sitting here all alone? Have an argument with your boyfriend or something?'
" 'I don't have a boyfriend,' I answered. 'I just felt like being alone for a while before I went home.'
" 'Oh,' he said with a touch of sadness in his voice that made me feel sorry for him. 'I'll leave you alone, then.'
" 'Wait a minute. I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't mean that I didn't want to talk to you.' Without really thinking about it I stopped him from moving away by putting my hand on his leg, just above his knee, and I felt his whole body tense up. 'As a matter-of-fact, I'd like to talk to you about something. If we could go outside, or something, where other people can't overhear or interrupt....'
"I really don't know just what I had in mind, asking him that. My mouth was just sort of talking without me really thinking about what I was saying, or what my words meant.
" 'Well, I live right next door, and I guess I could invite you up to my apartment ... " He let his voice trail off, and I saw his face turning red. Suddenly I knew just what sort of thoughts were going through his mind, they were the same thoughts that were in mine. Thoughts that I hadn't wanted to admit I was thinking, even to myself.
" 'I don't do that kind of thing,' I said, at the same time pressing my hand tighter against his leg. At first he looked like he was very confused, then a smile broke across his face as our thoughts merged.
" 'Well, what kind of things do you do?' he asked with a smile.
" 'I'll make you come,' I said, holding my breath at the startling audacity of my words, 'but I won't let you inside of me.' I couldn't believe I was actually saying the words that I was hearing.
"His face got even redder and I felt his hand trembling where it was still resting on my shoulder. He stood up, wrapped his fingers around my upper arm, pulling slightly, and said, 'Let's go.'
"Neither of us said a word as we left the restaurant, walked a few yards along the sidewalk, then turned into a large apartment building. Eric's apartment turned out to be on the second floor. He seemed to have a little trouble fitting the key into the lock, probably because his hands were shaking even more now than they had been in the restaurant, and when the door opened I saw that it was really a pretty small apartment, with the only really nice feature being a big window overlooking the large pool in the center of the building and the tree-covered patio area.
"Eric walked over to the window and pulled the curtains closed. I watched him as he walked back towards me like I was watching a zoom-in close up of a movie character, unable to move, frozen to one spot in the center of the living room.
" 'Remember,' I said, 'you can't come inside of me,' warning him again that I intended, perhaps irrationally, to remain a virgin. Actually, I guess I trusted him pretty much, or I wouldn't have been there.
"He led me into the bedroom, then sat down on the edge of the bed and took off his shoes and socks. I watched him as he stood up again and began taking off his clothes, and I started removing mine. I unbuttoned my blouse and unzipped my skirt, and a flash of naked skin caught his attention, drawing his eyes to my body. My shoes came off, to be kicked across the room, and I turned my back to him. 'Help me with this, will you, Sir?'
"I felt his fingers pushing under the strap of my bra, then the strap loosened as he released the catch and the cups fell away from my breasts. The feel of the material of my bra rubbing against my nipples sent a hot flush of sexual excitement through my body, and from behind me he reached under my arms and pulled my bra completely off.
"He dropped it and cupped my breasts for a second in his hot palms, then stepped back away from me, and I pushed my skirt down over my hips, letting it fall to the floor. My fingers caught at the slick nylon of my panties and they slid smoothly down over the skin of my thighs, sending additional thrills through my body. I raised one foot, then the other, and I was completely naked.
"Eric was laying on the bed, naked except for his shorts. His cock was already hard, poking up at the material. He raised his hips, pulling his shorts down, then sat up and pulled them down over his legs, throwing them to the floor and at the same time looking up at me with a smile of anticipation on his face.
"The size of his cock amazed me. I'd seen photographs of them before, in the books we used in the sex education class, but I hadn't really realized how big they actually were. Eric's was at least eight inches long, over an inch in diameter, and the veins on it stood out like ivy growing up the side of a building. I couldn't take my eyes off it, and just stood there, looking, until he spoke, somewhat impatiently.
" 'What are you waiting for, Heather? You aren't scared, are you?'
"I forced myself to smile, more to reassure myself than to please or reassure Eric, and got onto the bed, laying down on top of him. I could feel his hard cock between us, pressing against the sensitive skin of my stomach. The curly hair around the base of his organ tickled my belly, and I could feel the heat of it flooding into my body, filling my veins with fire.
"His hands cupped my ass, and I felt his fingers sliding down, between my legs, until one of them was pressed tightly against the lips of my cunt. I dropped my head, my lips going to his, pressing against him, choking back a gasp of excitement as his tongue shot into my mouth. I pressed my body tightly against him, molding my form to his as a finger slid between the hotly wet lips of my cunt, seeking and finding the hardened button of my clitoris, then plunging deep into my vagina.
"Eric's finger began a slow pumping in and out of my cunt, and at the same time his other hand came around from my ass to cup one of my tender breasts, teasing the nipple with his palm, then flicking it with the tips of his fingers until it was pebble hard.
"Wiggling and moving his body he shifted down under my pinning weight until his mouth was close to my breasts. Without taking his finger from between my legs he shifted around on the bed until his lips were right at my nipples, teasing them with soft brushes from the tip of his tongue, biting softly at them. His mouth opened wide, tongue licking hungrily at the nipple, then he sucked my breast fully into his mouth, and I thought for a minute I was going to come right then it felt so good.
"His right leg lifted a little, and I felt the sole of his foot rub lightly down my calf. His tongue, his foot, and his finger were sending tendrils of fire through my body, and my breath was coming in short, sharp gasps. This was like nothing I had ever felt before.
" 'Okay,' I heard him say, almost as if he was talking to himself. His hand was pushing at my stomach, as if he was trying to get me to move back, so I moved with his push, not knowing what he wanted me to do but willing to cooperate in anything, and he rolled me over until I was laying on my back on the bed next to him.
" 'Do you want me to go down on you?' he asked. I nodded and tried to relax. I had begun to tense up when he had laid me on my back, and my outstretched legs had closed a bit without me thinking about it at all, a piece of mental fear which I guess is natural for any first-time sexual experience. A completely unconscious reaction to what was happening to my inexperienced body.
"His head moved down, his tongue leaving a sharp trail of wet, chilled fire across the skin of my ribs and belly. The tip of it flashed into my navel, twisting and turning there for the briefest of seconds, then continued downwards, drawing a line of hot sexual excitement along my skin right to the edge of my pubic hair, right where my skin was most sensitive to his touch.
"I felt that loving tongue of his brushing gently back and forth at the wet lips of my cunt, and without thinking about it I spread my legs apart again ... spread them as wide as I could, begging him with my actions to put his loving tongue, that beautiful tongue, deep inside my burning body. I could feel the small nub of my clit throbbing with sexual excitement, and the blood was beating so hard in my veins that it almost drowned out the harsh sounds of my ragged breathing and moaning cries of pleasure.
"A small drop of icy-feeling saliva touched my clitoris, sending a shudder of intense feeling through me, and his breath, brushing against the hot wetness of my cunt, was like small titillating flakes of snow. I shuddered and dug my heels into the resilient surface of the mattress.
"While his tongue brushed back and forth through and between the lips of my pussy, entering me no more than a quarter of an inch, his hand came down and his fingertips began to prod at the nub of my clit. He took the sensitive little piece of erectile tissue between his thumb and forefinger, rolling it gently. My hips were grinding out a sensuous counter-rhythm, and I brought my legs up, bending them at the knees and pressing them in to squeeze his head and hand, to draw them deeper into my hot snatch.
"Once again Eric used his hands to direct a change of position, and when we stopped moving around I was, to all intents and purposes, sitting on his face, my knees pressed into his armpits, my cunt pressed against his lips.
"For long seconds Eric didn't do anything except lay there, breathing at my hot slit, and I could feel little shakes and shudders going through my body, shakes and shudders that I didn't have the slightest chance of controlling. Then he used his fingers to spread my lips apart, brought his mouth up close, and blew into me like he was blowing up a balloon. I thought I was going to come apart!
"I grabbed the back of his head, twisting my fingers into his hair, and pulled his mouth tight against me. He knew what I wanted, and he gave it to me. His tongue sank full-length into my cunt, sucking and slurping, getting in there as deep as it would go. Eric rubbed the tip of it back and forth across my clit, then sank it in deep again.
"I could hear myself moaning and I began to move my hips back and forth. He stayed right in time with my movements, spearing deep into me faster and faster. A small, white hot ball of fire began to form inside of me, burning my body and putting a film of red flashes over my vision, and I knew that I was about to come.
"Suddenly it happened. My whole body seemed to be locked in one titanic cramp and waves of ecstasy rolled through me. Every little muscle in my vagina seemed to be quivering, and I felt an additional hot wetness pouring through my cunt. I could feel Eric sucking madly, pulling that love juice down and into his mouth, scraping it from the flashing walls of my cunt with his frantically moving tongue. For a minute I thought that it was all over, but my body wasn't ready to stop yet. The convulsions that had passed through my very being slowed, but I was still as hot, as sexually excited, as I had been before the orgasm, and I knew I was going to come again and again.
"Once more Eric seemed to want to change position. He dropped his hands to my hips and began to lift me up. I used my leg muscles to help him, and he turned me around, still sitting above him, but now facing his feet. I knew that what he had done for me was the greatest thing that any man could do for a woman, and now I wanted to do the same thing for him. I knew what I had to do, almost instinctively.
"His cock was sticking straight up like a flagpole, big and hot, and there was a small, pearly drop of creamy liquid right on the tip of it, covering the little hole. I bent over it and began to kiss the head of his prick, working around that little drop, running my tongue around the ridge behind the head, then down the side of it over those swollen veins. The small, wiry clumps of hair around the base of his cock began to tickle my nose when I got down near the bottom, and I had to fight off an urge to sneeze.
"He was working away at me again with his tongue, and I knew that it wasn't going to be long before I came again. I began working my tongue up and down along the sides of his cock faster and faster, savoring the hot, sweat-salt taste of it, and I could hear him beginning to groan and feel his hot breath blowing against my burning wet vagina faster and faster. I slowly brought my lips back to the head of his cock, and lightly, lovingly, I licked off that little drop of love-juice. The taste of it, sort of hot and salty, did something to my insides, something that almost drove me nuts.
"Without thinking about it I opened my mouth and let my lips slide down over the head of Eric's lovely cock. It was so long that I knew there was no way I was going to get it all into my mouth, but I was sure going to try!
"I slowly let that hard,, hot piece of meat slide into my mouth, working my tongue around the head of it, taking in more and more of it. When the head was all the way back at the opening of my throat I felt him stiffen and his hands came up to the back of my head, pressing down. I relaxed the muscles at the back of my throat as much as I could, then relaxed my neck muscles and let him push, feeling his cock sliding back into my throat, all the way, until my lips were brushing against the ring of hair at the base of it.
"I sucked in my cheeks, remembering what some of the girls had said about giving head, rubbing them against the sides of his cock, feeling the bumps and ridges, loving it, loving the feel and the taste and the smell, and especially loving what his tongue was still doing down between my legs. Shooting in and out, sucking on me, just like I was sucking on him, both of us moaning and groaning and shaking and twisting and quivering as we both reached for the ultimate peak.
"I was busy sliding my lips up and down on his cock, taking my mouth all the way out to the head, biting a little at the ridge behind it, then sliding my lips back down over it again until his hot cock was all the way back, buried once again deep in my throat. I tried another little trick I had heard about. When I had his cock all the way back, into my throat so deep that my lips were pressed tight against the skin around the base, crushing the tight, curly hair, I began to hum softly, vibrating that little piece of hanging flesh at the back of my throat, my tongue, and my cheeks against the flesh of his cock. It must have had a strong effect on Eric, because suddenly he was pressing much harder against my cunt, his tongue shooting in and out so fast I thought it was going to catch fire from the friction.
"I started my up and down motion on his cock again, continuing the humming, and then, when I was about half-way down on a stroke, his hips suddenly jerked upwards, jamming his cock into my mouth and throat so hard that for a moment I thought I was going to gag.
"Suddenly that long, hard, hot piece of meat was pumping and jerking and jumping inside my mouth, pouring a boiling-hot flood of come into my mouth and throat in hot, hard spurts that seemed to force the fluid down my throat. I heard myself growl, almost like a cat, as I shoved my mouth down tight around the base of his cock, biting at it a little, sucking at him hard, trying to get it all out of him, then coming again myself. My whole body seemed to be on fire this time, burning like someone was playing a torch over my skin, and I could feel the muscles in my thighs and between my legs cramping and knotting as I ground down on his face, trying to force more and more of his flashing tongue into my spasming cunt.
"My climax seemed to go on and on, getting stronger and stronger with each passing second, just as his cock seemed to keep pumping more and more of that deliciously hot and salty fluid into my mouth and throat. Then, after what seemed like hours, it was over. I brought my head back, sliding my lips up over his cock, then kissed the head of it as it slid out of my mouth, cleaning the gleaming wetness of it with my tongue before collapsing with exhaustion.
"I don't know how long I laid there, completely unable to move, but it must have been at least half an hour. Finally I felt some strength returning to my still shaking body. I rolled over to the edge of the bed, and almost groaning with effort I stood up. I was a little shaky at first, but after a few minutes I felt strength flowing back into my body, and a few minutes later I was fully dressed and ready to leave.
"I looked back at Eric, still laying flat on his back on the bed. He hadn't moved since that last draining climax, and I wondered for a minute if he had fallen asleep. Then I saw that his eyes were open, looking at me.
" 'I'll see you in class tomorrow, Sir.'
"He didn't say a thing, and I began to think that I must have done something awfully wrong, and that he was mad at me. I turned to walk out the bedroom door, and as I did he finally spoke.
" 'Thank you, Heather. Thank you very, very much.' I knew then, both by what he said and the tone in which he said it, that I had done okay. It felt sort of silly, and I got some funny looks outside, but I couldn't stop the big grin that seemed to be permanently molded onto my face."
In examining this case history we find that there are two people involved who are interesting from a psychosexual standpoint. Heather, and her father. Heather's father obviously suffers from severe incestuous drives directed towards his daughter, and we will look into these drives later in this chapter. First, let us examine Heather's situation.
The most surprising thing about Heather's sexuality is the fact that it is an almost textbook development, following almost exactly the guidelines set down by Dr. Sigmund Freud regarding infant and adolescent sexuality.
Of all of the many theories advanced by Freud, the concepts he expounded regarding the erotic life of infants, young children, and adolescents have undoubtedly aroused the most active and continued opposition. Indeed, even in our contemporary society, many of the more sophisticated and advanced psychiatrists and psychologists react with complete incredulity and disbelief to any published reports of sexual material in clinical demonstrations of childhood sexual neuroses.
One of the main reasons for the initial opposition to Freud's theories regarding infantile sexuality was that it threatened to undermine one of the most cherished beliefs and ideals of his time, the late 19th century. The ideals centered around the innocence of children. Moreover, the belief that children, and especially pre-teenage children, are somehow above and untouched by sexual desires and longings still persists today, and not only by the psychologically uneducated. Under the circumstances, the theory of infantile sexuality outlined by Freud is certainly an outstanding example of the high degree of courage Freud consistently demonstrated in the face of actively hostile public and professional opinion.
Freud first became convinced of the direct relationship between sexual traumata experienced in childhood and the later psychopathology, as a result of his early investigations into the psychology of the "actual neuroses," that is, hypochondriasis, neurasthenia and anxiety neuroses. These psychological studies led him to an awareness of the great importance of the various sexual factors in the etiology of psychoneuroses. With ever-increasing clinical experience to draw upon, Freud was able to completely reconstruct those early sexual experiences, responses and fantasies of his subjects. These data provided the framework for his developmental theories regarding childhood sexuality, which in the seventy years since then, has been corroborated in many respects by direct observation in clinical and social psychiatric and psychological studies.
Quite apart from the various data he had extracted from his clinical observations, Freud based his theories of infantile and childhood sexuality on the self-analysis he began in 1897 and continued for an undetermined period. The psychosexual insights he acquired in the course of his self-analysis regarding his own erotic longings in childhood and his conflicts in relation to his parents clearly suggested that, in all-likelihood, these phenomena were not restricted to the neurotic and psychosexually pathological patients, but to psychosexually "normal" people as well, since in their early years they underwent similar developmental sequences.
Freud completed his initial formulations regarding all the essential phases of infantile sexual development before the turn of the century. Nevertheless, Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality, containing a complete account of his then startling views on infant sexuality, did not appear in print until 1905. Even more surprising is the fact that his detailed discussion of the sexual development of children and adolescents-including the pre-genital organization of the libido-and the libido theory itself, appeared for the first time in print in the third edition of Three Essays, 10 years later.
While Freud often used the term sexuality in these essays in the familiar sense, to refer to the erotic life of the individual, he extended the general concept of sexuality to emotions and activities which were not typically considered to be of a sexual nature, and to those parts of the body which were not usually associated with eroticism.
Freud noted that infants were capable of erotic activity from birth, and he described the various stages of sexual development, I) through the first four years of life, 2) into the latency period-at which almost all sexual development comes to a halt-and 3) to the renewal of development at the time of puberty. With the onset of puberty, at approximately ll years of age, there is renewed growth of the genital organs and a resurgence of the sexual drive. The child enters into what we normally refer to as sexuality and sexual experimentation.
Freud's theories show clearly that the onset of sexual experimentation can be expected to begin at any time from the development of puberty, at approximately age eleven. Normally this sexual experimentation is drawn out over a period of years. The adolescent becomes progressively more and more "daring," until finally he or she engages in actual sexual intercourse. Cultural and social pressures against sexual promiscuity are considered to be the prime factors in holding back immediate development of the sexual experimentation stage, spreading it over a period of several years.
These pressures are strong enough to prevent most children from going directly from puberty to experience. In Heather's case, however, the strain imposed upon her not to take part in the normal sexual explorations of adolescence-her father's refusal to allow her to date-broke down the restraints normally erected by the social and cultural pressures. Without these restraints it was only natural for her to advance through the modes of sexual experimentation as fast as opportunity presented.
As we stated earlier, Heather's father obviously entertained strong incestuous feelings toward his daughter. Such incestuous desires are quite common phenomena in clinical studies of sexual malorientation. Many fathers are deeply, sexually, in love with their daughters, but in almost all cases they have erected extremely strong defensive walls against such desires. These walls are so strong, that even the most innocent expressions of affections-expressions as nonsexual as a goodnight kiss-may give rise to feelings of great anxiety in the father, an anxiety which is easily transformed to rage.
Clinical examinations of cases involving father-daughter incest have shown that in almost every instance the mother had defected from her central position in the household, either because she is dominated by the daughter or because she has sought out outside activities to take her away from the home as much as possible.
"I hadn't realized how late it had gotten until I got to the sidewalk outside Eric's apartment. I should have been home hours before, and I knew that my lateness was going to cause one hell of an argument with my father.
"I ran most of the way from Eric's to the house, slowing to a walk two blocks from home so I wouldn't get there all out of breath. When I turned in the walkway I noticed that dad's car was in the driveway, but that the garage was empty. Mom was gone somewhere, probably to one of her meetings.
"Dad was sitting, waiting for me, on the porch, and as I climbed the five steps from the yard he stood up and started towards me. His face was red and before he said a word I knew that he was so mad I was probably going to get a beating.
" 'Where the hell have you been, you little slut? Out screwing around with one of those punk kids from school?' His voice was harsh and a little slurred, and I didn't have to smell his breath to know that he'd been drinking.
"Before I even got to the top step he was at me, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me across the porch. I struggled against him, dropping my books on the steps, but my strength was no match for his. He shoved me through the door, into the house, kicking the door closed behind us.
"Once inside he released me, spinning me around and slapping me, hard. I staggered back away from him, then tried to get past him, reaching for the door, but he stepped back, blocking my escape. I backed away from him, so afraid I couldn't speak, watching him as he unbuckled his belt.
"I thought he was going to beat me with his belt, but that wasn't what he had in mind. He was much drunker than I had thought, and with mind-numbing shock I watched him slide down the zipper on his pants, dropping them, exposing the hard cock that was pushing through the slot in his shorts. He stepped out of his pants, grinning now, and started towards me. I backed away, stopping only for a second to pick up a vase from the table to throw at him.
"He evaded the missile easily, then lunged forward, grabbing me from behind as I turned to run, twisting me around until I was facing him again. His face came down to mine and he pressed his lips tight against my mouth. When he tried to force his tongue between my lips I bit him, at the same time bringing my knee up into his crotch. I was just slightly off target, and my knee connected with the inside of his thigh before sliding up against his balls.
"He lurched back, an expression of pain and strong anger flashing across his face at what I had done, and, with a minute of freedom I turned and snatched up the first thing that came to hand, a heavy leather belt that was laying across the back of a chair.
"I got in one swing with it, cutting his face badly, then he was back at me, twisting the belt out of my hands. He stepped back, his arm came up, and he brought the belt, with the heavy buckle at the end, slashing across my face. It was only luck that kept the buckle from cutting my face wide open, but even so the leather left a fiery welt across my skin that made the whole world seem to explode in an agony of red fire.
"Again and again he swung the belt at me, hitting me on the chest and arms, forcing me backwards, out of the living room and into a bedroom. As I backed up, step by step, trying to shield my face and breasts from the blows of the belt with my arms and hands, I could hear myself moaning and crying from the pain he was inflicting on my body." Suddenly my retreat was blocked by the bed, and with one final, heavy blow from the belt, the buckle smashing against the side of my head, I fell, stunned.
"Through a red haze of pain I saw dad pull his shorts completely off, working them around his swollen cock. I tried to roll away, off the bed, but before I could move far dad was on top of me, his arm slamming across my throat, choking me and pinning me to the bed as his free hand yanked at the top of my blouse, ripping it off, exposing my bra-covered breasts. Another yank and the bra was gone. Although I was almost unconscious I kept on fighting him as he dipped his head downwards, kissing first one nipple, then the other, finally sucking one of my breasts deep into his mouth and biting at it with his teeth.
"I could do nothing to stop him as he pulled my skirt up around my waist, then yanked at the thin material of my panties, tearing it, then forcing his knee between my legs. I fought one hand free from his grip and raked my nails across his face, feeling the small splashes of heat as his blood dripped down on my face. Even fighting with all my strength, though, I was unable to stop him.
"He forced his other knee between my legs, then, using the strong muscles of his thighs and calves, he forced my legs to spread wide under him and brought his body down over mine. He pressed his cock against the patch of hair between my legs, but he wasn't in quite the right spot. I twisted and fought, trying to get out from under him, but then, suddenly, he was lined up right, and with a powerful thrust he pinned me to the bed, sliding and smashing that big cock deep into my dry cunt, tearing flesh and my hymen, pulling hair out by the roots. I could feel the wetness of blood, my blood, running across inside my thigh, but even that sensation was soon blocked out by the washing waves of pure pain as he ruthlessly pumped up and down on me, grinding away at my body, pushing his big cock all the way in, then sliding it almost all the way out, only to slam down on me again.
"His breath was coming in panting grunts and hot drops of sweat were running off his body in little rivers, dropping down onto my naked flesh. His eyes were closed and his heart was beating hard, almost matching the pumping in and out of his cock, and then, in only minutes, a groan, followed by a grunt of escaping breath and the feel of his cock pumping and jerking inside of me told me that he was finally finished. I could feel his hot juices flooding me, pouring through my vagina, trickling out along the base of his cock and flowing down along the crack of my ass.
"His cock, its job done, began to shrink at once, and he pulled it out of my body, rolling over and collapsing on the bed next to me, grinning as he saw the bloodstains on my legs and on the bedspread.
"He ran his hand down over my stomach, then between my legs, cupping my bleeding and dripping cunt. He slid a finger in, then pulled it out, lifted it to his face, then licked it clean with a big grin. Watching, afraid to move, I began to throw up all over the bed.
"Dad got up, looked down at me, and without saying a word walked out of the room. I could see him through the door as he picked up his pants and pulled them on, then stepped out the door.
"As soon as he was outside I fought my way up through the waves of pain, got off the bed, and staggered over to the dresser. There, in the bottom drawer, under some towels, was the gun he had brought back from his time in the Army. I took it and ran out into the living room, wanting, needing, to kill.
"I was too late.
"Dad stepped out the door onto the porch, still pulling up his zipper. He didn't notice my books, dropped on the top step. His feet tangled in them. He fell forward, down the steps. His body came to rest on the concrete of the walkway. His neck was twisted at an impossible angle. The grin was still on his face. Above, in the doorway, I was grinning, too."
Heather's father broke through the wall which forbids the expression of incestuous drives. This implies a complete lack of impulse control on his part, a lack which is typical of the most serious of psychopathological conditions. We can be reasonably sure that, had he not been accidentally killed, he would have had a breakdown shortly after his incestuous affair, which would have necessitated his confinement.
Heather, on the other hand, is still young enough and there is little doubt that-with competent psychiatric help-she will be able to put this event into the forgetfulness of the past and go on to lead a normal and sexually satisfying life.