Chapter 2
Debbie: Black Is Beautiful
"The first time I ever saw a black cock-or any color cock for that matter-was when I was about fourteen years old and was visiting a construction site with my father.
"Dad owned the construction business and wasn't in the field much, so when he offered to take me along this time, I was really excited. I didn't realize how busy he'd be, and how little time he'd have for me.
"We drove for maybe three hours and pulled into the road construction camp. Dad headed right for the office with the general foreman and told me, in so many words, to make my own fun, but to keep out of trouble. I did exactly what he told me, only maybe I did better at making fun than at keeping out of trouble.
"I wandered around the camp, which was in the middle of nowhere. There wasn't even a town within any reasonable driving distance, and I guess the men on the job weren't used to having visitors around, especially young female ones, "I saw more bare asses that afternoon than I ever had in my life. One shift was just getting off work and the men were taking showers. When they finished at the shower enclosure, they'd wander back to the bunkhouses any way they wanted to. But all of them, with one exception, took off as soon as they saw me. Took off, that is, or at least put a towel around their waists and hid what they had.
"That exception I was talking about was a young Negro man who walked out of the shower enclosure as nonchalant as you please. He had his towel draped over his shoulder and didn't have a stitch on. He had a beautiful, muscled body, almost shiny black, but my eyes passed right over most of that body and went right to his giant black cock. It was hanging down his thigh, really a monster. And the skin on his cock was a lot lighter than the rest of his body. In fact, the head of his prick was almost pink. I remember that well. I had good reason to remember.
"He saw me standing there but didn't bother to hurry into the bunkhouse or even to cover himself. He just stopped in his tracks and looked at me. Not scared or nervous or anything. He just smiled a real slow smile and looked straight at me. I remember I blushed, but I couldn't pull my eyes away from his cock. It was so big and long. We were standing close enough together so he could see what I was looking at, and he reached down with his hand and held his cock inside it for a second.
"Then he started to walk away, but not toward the bunkhouse. He headed for a group of shacks that were used to store equipment. When he started moving away, I looked away from his prick and back at his face. He was still smiling and, as he continued walking away, he nodded his head, just a little, beckoning me to follow him.
"Young as I was I felt a thrill go through my whole body. I knew what he wanted wasn't going to be 'good.' But I didn't care. I was too damned fascinated with that cock of his.
"I didn't follow him directly but sort of ambled in the same direction he was going. Once I lost him, when he rounded a building, but I started hurrying up at that point and caught sight of him again. I was really shook when I thought maybe I had lost him.
"He was walking with his back to me now, and I could see the tight skin of his ass stretch with every step he took. And I could see the muscles of his back move each time he did. He really was a gorgeous male. But I didn't realize it at the time. I was more impressed with the fact that every time he took a step I could see his cock hanging down between his legs. And if anything, the more he walked, the longer that prick of his seemed to get.
"Finally I saw him go into a small shed. He left the door open and I sauntered past the entrance, trying not to look too interested. Actually, though, my whole pussy was wet with the thoughts of what he had in mind for me. I guess even then I was a little on the freaky side, because anything he wanted to do to me or with me was okay. Of course, I didn't know just how crazy some people could be, and I was lucky he didn't go farther with me than he did.
"As I walked past the open door, I could see him leaning against the flat bed of a small truck that was parked inside. He had thrown the towel off his shoulder and it was laid, flat out, on the ground in front of him. He was leaning back, his groin stuck out, his legs spread. He was fondling his massive cock, and by this time it was half hard. I tried not to let myself react, but I couldn't help it. If I thought his prick had been big when it was soft, I was amazed at how much it had grown. It half arced out from his body, and it looked like a thick piece of black rubber tubing. Except for the tip, which, like I said, was much lighter.
"While I was standing there watching him-I didn't pretend indifference anymore; I just stood outside that shed door and stared at his prick-he spit into his hand and then started rubbing his saliva all over his cock.
"That made it all shiny and wet and to my mind all the more sexy. I could almost feel pussy juices running down my leg as I stood there and watched him jacking himself off.
"Then, when I glanced up at his face, I saw he still had that small smile. And as soon as he saw me looking at him, he nodded again. Harder this time. He was beckoning me to come into the shed. I knew I shouldn't, but nothing, and I mean nothing, could have kept me out of there at this point.
"I edged warily up to the door. He started working harder on his cock, letting his hand run the full length, grasping it hard. I could tell he was enjoying what he was doing to himself, but I also knew that he'd enjoy it a lot more if he had somebody doing it for him. And believe me, I was the one who wanted to be doing it to him.
"'You like this pretty prick, Debbie?' he asked.
"I damned near fainted when he used my name. He knew who I was! The boss's daughter and he couldn't have cared less.
"'Come on in and get a better look,' he said and held his hard cock straight out toward me. I walked inside the shed. For some reason, I can remember smelling hay. I don't know why. I was transfixed with the sight of that cock. I wanted to touch it more than anything else in the whole world. I was standing not more than a foot or so away from him and his goddamned cock was almost touching me. That's how big it was.
"'Touch it, Debbie,' he said. 'It won't hurt you.'
"I knew I shouldn't, but I did. I reached out my hand and felt the tip of his cock. It was smooth as a piece of silk, and wet from his spreading his spit on it. My whole body jerked with excitement.
"'Put your hand around it like I'm doing,' he said. He had his fist wrapped around the base of his cock, buried in the heavy, wiry hair that sprouted on his lower belly. I very slowly wrapped my hand around the tip. It wouldn't fit. That's hard to believe, but it wouldn't. I couldn't make my fingers meet.
"'Now just move your hand to and fro,' he said. 'Grip my dick hard, Debbie-baby, and move real smooth.'
"I did what he asked. I moved my hand toward him and then back toward me. His cock was on a straight line by that time, hard as possible. I didn't know then that his cock didn't get as hard as other guys', especially white guys' cocks. It was more like hard rubber. But it gave as I moved my hand back and forth. I could tell he was enjoying what I was doing to him because he had his eyes closed and a real dreamy expression on his face.
"'Move your hand faster,' he said, and I started moving my hand faster and faster. I could feel his cock getting warmer and warmer inside my hand, and felt his whole prick jumping and jerking with excitement. That made me all the more excited.
"I must have gotten him close, because all of a sudden he reached down and took my hand away. 'Hold it for a minute, Debbie,' he said. 'You really got me going.'
"I took my hand away but continued to look at his prick. It was standing straight out and moving around like it had a life of its own.
"Then I must have done something unconsciously. Something that he saw. I must have flicked my tongue across my lips. I can vaguely remember doing it, and then seeing the surprised look come on his face. He hesitated only a second. 'Would you like to put your tongue on this pretty prick, Debbie?' he asked. I looked at him, shocked. I'd never heard of anything like that. And then I started to think about it. I was curious about what his big dick tasted like. It was so smooth I knew I'd enjoy running my tongue over it.
"'Just get down on your knees, pretty girl,' he said, 'and lick around on this big black prick. I promise you, you'll like it.'
"I hesitated until he put his hands on my shoulders and forced me down. Not hard. He just exerted pressure and I felt my knees bend, and before I knew it I was kneeling on that towel right in front of him. His cock was in front of me. All I had to do was lean forward and either lick it with my tongue or open my mouth wide, take some of it inside me, and suck on it.
"'Lick on it, baby,' he said. 'Like it was an icecream stick.'
"I don't know what it was that made me do it, either his voice, which was soft and smooth, or just plain wanting to, but I leaned over toward him and let my tongue brush against the tip of his cock.
"'Lick it good, baby,' he said, and before I knew what I was doing I was licking his prick up and down the whole length of it. I didn't miss one spot. And when I finished going over his cock once, I started again. I licked and licked. It was the most peculiar taste I'd ever had, but I liked it and I knew I wanted more. So when he told me to open my mouth and let him shove a little of his cock inside, I opened up without a second's hesitation. Thank God, he was gentle with me. With that big dick of his he could have ruined me sexually for life-and now that I think about it, maybe he did-but he just put the very tip inside my mouth and told me to suck on it., " 'Don't bite it, baby,' he said. 'Just cover your teeth and suck on it.'
"I must have gotten the knack right off, because in just a couple of seconds, he was moaning with pleasure. Slowly, he forced more and more of his prick into my mouth until I had about four inches inside me. I thought he would choke me, but I liked the feeling. I liked the idea of being on my knees in front of him, doing things to him to make him feel good. I would have done anything then. Anything that it was possible to do.
"He reached down and pulled my hand away from his leg and put it around the base of his cock. I was jacking him off and sucking him off at the same time.
"As I worked frantically on his cock with my mouth and hand, I could feel his body tighten and his cock get even longer and harder. It was jerking like crazy now and he just kept moaning and moaning. My head must have been working like a piston at the end. I worked so hard on that damned cock of his that I gave myself a headache.
"Suddenly, his body bent, his cock aimed right at me. 'I'm gonna come,' he shouted, 'and you take that cream, you fucking bitch!'
"I'd never heard language like that before, but it made me all the more excited. I moved my free hand down and under my dress. My finger found my cunt and I started working it inside myself. I was jacking myself off just as fast as I was working on him. God, I don't know if it was because it was the first time or not, but I've never been so excited since in my life.
"He grabbed my head with both his hands and forced even more of his cock inside my mouth. He was choking me by now, but there was nothing I could do. I just worked on my cunt and let him face-fuck me. His hips flew back and forth and I could feel his cock tearing at my lips.
"And then he shouted again. 'Drink my shit!' he yelled and I felt and tasted his salty, thick cream pouring into my mouth and down my throat. I must have come myself at the same time, because I remember this tremendous wave of pleasure. I didn't mind his come. I drank it, and what I couldn't handle I let drip out of my mouth down on my dress. He just kept spurting more and more come into my mouth. I tried to move off his cock a little so I could drink all his come down, but the harder I tried to get away from him the harder he pushed and shoved his cock inside me.
"We both settled down at the same time. I got up off my knees sheepishly. He just stood there, his cock still hard, looking a little worred. 'I wouldn't tell anybody about this,' he said. I shook my head. Hell, no, I wasn't about to tell anybody I'd sucked off a big black cock. Who'd believe me, except maybe my father, and if he found out, he'd probably kill the guy.-"After that, just like a kid with a new toy, I couldn't think of anything but sex. Or more truthfully, I couldn't think of anything but that long black dick that shot that beautiful white, sticky cream into my mouth when I sucked on it.
"Every night I'd go to bed and start playing around with myself. I tried to imagine that big, black cock up in my pussy, but that didn't turn me on at all. But when I got to thinking about taking that black tube in my mouth, kneeling there in front of it, and having it spurt into me, then I got turned on. My pussy would get all wet and I'd stick one, then two, then three fingers up into myself until I came. After a while, I tried other things, like douche syringes, and small vases, even a rolled-up magazine. My cunt was hot to have something up inside it, but my mouth was hotter. I wanted to suck, and I wanted to suck black meat. I was hung up on it.
"Eventually, I read an ad in one of those magazines about a vibrator. I saved up and sent for one. From then on my problems were solved. No more problems about what to fuck myself with. I had the vibrator and my own imagination.
"Of course, after a while, I got tired of just thinking about sucking off black cock and wanted the real thing again. I begged and begged my father to take me back to the construction camp until he finally agreed.
"I looked all over that damned camp, but the big black cock wasn't, around. I didn't even know the guy's name. I don't know if he quit, if he was off that day, or just not around. But I was pretty damned disappointed. So disappointed, in fact, that I was determined to find some other black cock to suck on.
"That's when I made my big mistake. We were living in a pretty small town, and the high school I was going to was typical of a small town. Everybody knew exactly what everybody else was doing. I had only been going there a year, so I really wasn't too involved with any cliques, but I sure got popular with one particular group.
"There weren't many Negroes at the school, but a few that were there were beautiful. I had been noticing them, but keeping my cool. I didn't want to become known as a black cock sucker around town. But I did.
"About a week after my disappointment at the construction camp, I walked over after classes to the track field. I didn't have anything particular in mind, just something to do. I sat in the first row of the stands and watched some runners work out. One guy in particular caught my eye. His name was Sandy B-(I knew him from a class we took together), and his name described him perfectly. He was a light-skinned Negro and really handsome. And there he was on the field, running around with just a little pair of shorts on. Nothing else. His whole upper body and legs were glistening with sweat. He was the most beautifully built guy I'd ever seen.
"After a while I could tell he knew I was staring at him. He started to show off a little and throw little glances my way. One time he even smiled. That same slow smile the man at the construction camp had given me. Christ, my cunt started to drip like a dam had burst.
"Once he stopped right in the middle of the field, staring right at me, reached inside his shorts, and scratched his prick. He knew what I was interested in and that made me so excited my hands started to shake.
"Finally the practice session ended and all the guys left the field. When Sandy walked by me on the way to the locker room he winked. I knew right then and there that I was going to be sucking on his dick, and the sooner the better.
"I kept sitting there for about forty-five minutes. I had a book open on my lap, but I didn't read a word. I had told myself I'd wait forty-five minutes and then head nonchalantly over past the locker room. Finally the time passed and I got my books together and started walking.
"I thought at first that the place was empty. I couldn't hear any noise at all from inside, and just when I was about ready to leave-disappointed again-a white guy came out. He called back over his shoulder, 'See you tomorrow, Sandy.' Now that made me excited. There was only one Sandy in the school that I knew of, and he was still inside that locker room. I waited until the white kid was gone and then ambled past the door. It was closed. I tried to look in a window, but couldn't see anything. I went around the corner, waiting, and then decided to give it one more try. I walked back. This time the door to the locker room was open. About six inches.
"I walked a little closer. Very slowly. I peered into the room. It was fairly dark inside, but I thought I could see the outline of a figure. I hoped like hell it was Sandy's. I passed the door again, closer this time, and thought the hell with it. I walked right up to the door, stopped, and looked inside. There was somebody in there, and it was Sandy!
"He was sitting on a wooden bench, facing the door. He was leaning back on a locker. He had his legs spread, looking right at me, and he was naked as the day he was born. His cock was the same color as he was and it was just as beautiful. I was standing straight up, hard as a piece of steel. I could see it throbbing and jumping around even from as far away as I was standing. It wasn't as big or as black as that first piece of meat I sucked on, but it was big enough and dark enough.
"Sandy wasn't jacking himself off. He was just bouncing his rock-hard prick with his fingers. I figured I'd wasted enough time by then, so I just walked in. I only took enough time to ask him if it was safe. He nodded, still smiling, and I got down on my knees in front of him and took the end of his prick into my mouth.
"I sucked on his cock like I was starving and it was the last food in the world. I wanted his gobs of come so goddamned bad. I reached right away up under my skirt, pushed my panties aside and started sticking my fingers into my wet, juicy pussy.
"After taking as much of his big dick into my mouth as I could, I pulled off and started to lick it up and down. He just sat there and enjoyed it. I ran my tongue up and down the length again and again. I traced the big, throbbing veins with my tongue. My God, it was the most thrilling thing in the world. He didn't say anything, just let out soft little moans while I worked on his prick. Damn, it just kept getting bigger and harder. I must have had six inches stuffed down my throat.
"Then he pushed me off. 'Get up on the bench,' he said, 'and I'll fuck you.' I wasn't about to have any of that. I shook my head fast and leaned back to his cock, but he grabbed my head. 'Don't like to get fucked, huh?' he said, laughing lightly. 'Just an old-fashioned suck freak. Okay, baby, since you like to suck meat so bad, why don't you work on everything down there. Start on my balls.'
"I guess his telling me what to do really turned me on even more. He spread his legs farther apart and I found myself staring at his big, hairy balls. I'd never sucked a guy's balls before; I'd never even thought of it. But if that's what, he wanted, I'd do it. He wouldn't have to ask me twice.
"I was a little rough at first. He had to tell me to back off. But then I got into the swing of things. I took one ball at a time and sucked gently on it. Then I'd move to the other one. I lapped on his bag, feeling his wiry hairs tickle my tongue.
"Then he really got wild. 'You're good with your mouth, baby,' he said, 'and I've got an asshole down there that really wants to be sucked on. Get your mouth down there.'
"He slouched down even more and I could see his puckered brown hole staring at me. I didn't like the idea. Not at first. But I was so turned on, and he smelled so damned clean and sexy that I decided to give it a try. I leaned down and licked around his asshole. That really turned him on. He moaned like crazy. I stiffened my tongue a little and forced my way inside just a bit. We both got going then. Licking his asshole made me so excited that I came. Honest, just the thought of what I was doing was sending wave after wave of pleasure through my body. I could feel the pressure of a come building up in me. I stiffened my tongue even more and stuck it up inside his asshole as far as I could. I washed out his whole fucking asshole with my tongue.
"Then I felt my orgasm. It just ripped through me. I moaned and groaned as my body got the relief it was after.
"But as soon as my come was finished, the thought of licking and sucking on his asshole suddenly turned me off. Sandy must have understood because when I pulled my face away from his shit shaft and went back to his cock, he didn't make any objections. He just sat back and enjoyed it.
"I gobbled on his cock for real this time. I wanted his jism. It didn't take long. I took as much of his long, black prick into my mouth as I could and just sucked and sucked on it until he arched his back, moaned loudly, and started jetting his white, sticky cream into my mouth. I continued to pump with my mouth on his cock, drinking down his white fluid, until he was drained dry. He damned near had to pry my face loose from his cock.
"'Man,' he said. 'You sure are one hell of a cocksucker.'
"I was sort of embarrassed by this time, and got up fast. I headed for the door, but had to come back for my books. When I did, he said, 'Come around next Friday, baby. I'll have a surprise for you.'
"I had no intention of going back Friday, but I did. I spent every night in-between reliving that scene in the locker room. How I licked and sucked on his cock, lapped at his balls, and even cleaned out his asshole with my tongue. Every time I thought of it, I turned to jelly. And besides, I'd see him almost every day at school, and he'd always managed to massage his prick through his pants when I was around and watching. And he kept saying, 'See you Friday.'
"That Friday I was in my place in the stands, watching the workouts. Sandy looked up at me and grinned. The whole pattern repeated itself. The guys left the field, went to the locker room, and I waited forty-five minutes.
"When I got to the locker-room door, it was open and everything was quiet. I looked in. Sandy was sitting on the same bench, in the same position.
His cock was just as hard, just as beautiful, as the first time.
"I was so excited by what I was seeing that I completely forgot about Sandy's 'surprise,' but as soon as I got down on my knees in front of him and took his cock into my mouth, I found out.
"I didn't even hear them at first, but things happened fast. Around the corner of lockers came four of Sandy's buddies. They were Negroes, ranging from very light to coal black, and every one of them was buck-assed naked. Their cocks were all hard and just itching to get sucked. All four of them had wise-ass looks on their faces. I knew for sure that I was in for a rough time, and I was right.
"It wouldn't have been so bad if they had kept to the script. I like to suck cock and wouldn't have minded sucking them off. In fact, the thought of having five big bucks to suck and lick off was really an exciting thing. But things got out of hand.
"I started out on Sandy while the other clowns stood around and grinned. But then I varied the menu. I went from cock to cock, taking as much of each of those monsters in my mouth as I could. One guy in particular had the biggest piece of meat I've ever seen in my life. It was beyond description. It was just huge and big and thick and black. I gobbled it in. At least as much as I could. Then I headed back to the front of the line and started in on their balls. Lick and suck. Man, I was in seventh heaven. I even went for their assholes. I was so excited I would have sucked on anything they offered to me.
"At one point two of them got as close together as they could and got their cocks pressing right up next to each other. I took them both in my mouth. My mouth was so full of cock I couldn't suck. I didn't have room.
"But then things started to go bad. I guess there just wasn't enough of my mouth to go around fast enough. I'd suck one of them for a while and then go to somebody else. But that wasn't enough. They all wanted continuous attention. And they figured I had a perfectly good hole that wasn't having anything done to it, except what I was doing to myself with my own fingers.
"One of them pulled me away from the cock I was sucking on and made me stand up. Then, just as fast, I found myself being forced on my back on that hard bench. My skirt was up and with one pull they had my pants ripped off. I struggled and tried to get away, but two of them held me and another stuck his cock in my mouth. That kept me from yelling.
"The guy with the monster prick straddled the bench and was the first to shove his cock up into my pussy. Technically, I was a virgin. I'd never been fucked by a cock before, but I'd had a lot of things up there. Even things that were bigger than the black guy's cock. So it wasn't the pain that bothered me so much, although he was really rough when he shoved his whole fucking cock up into me with one lunge. I just didn't want to get fucked. I liked to suck; I wanted to suck. But these guys had different ideas. One shoved and lunged his prick into my pussy and another turned my head to the side and face-fucked me brutally.
"At first I was angry, and then scared. But within a short time, they had me all turned on again.
"I grabbed two cocks that were standing around and jacked them off with my hands while I was being fucked both in my cunt and my mouth.
"I must have spent an hour in that locker room, taking one cock after another. They never let up on me. I had cock in my pussy and in my mouth the whole time. Balls were slamming against my ass and against my chin. Christ, it was the most exciting time I've ever had in my life.
"One guy asked if he could piss in my mouth. I told him, 'Shit, no,' but he did anyway. He stood over me, his cock still hard, and waited until he could get his piss to flow. The others held me down. Finally, a couple of drops came out, and within seconds a regular deluge was pouring down on me. He hit me in the face, all over my clothes, in my mouth. I swallowed a little. It wasn't bad, but it really didn't turn me on.
"Finally, it was over. All of them had come at least twice. My whole body was sore and I was a complete mess. But I had to admit that it was the most interesting afternoon I'd ever spent.
"I managed to sneak home and get changed before anybody saw the miserable condition I was in. But my troubles weren't over. I started getting telephone calls the next day. No names, just invitations to get fucked or to suck a cock. I had the worst reputation possible. And it was my own fault. I had done things too close to home. I should have gone farther away for my kicks, even if it meant getting fewer of them.
"I made a promise that if I ever got out of this bind, I'd never do anything to put myself in the same kind of position. I'd lead a double life. That's what I'd do.
"Luckily, the construction job was finished shortly and my father moved the whole family to a new town. The story of my availability didn't have time to get much beyond the "boys' and I don't think my parents, either of them, ever got wind of it. I hope not."
Debbie was the victim of a common phenomenon in the sexual psyche. She was obsessed with her initial sexual experience. This is a common occurrence, often closely associated with a feeling of inferiority and insecurity.
Debbie, like others who fall prey to what can only be called a sexual "perversion," felt that since she had been successful in the completion of the sexual act with the first person she came into contact with, she was sure to be equally successful in any subsequent sexual experiences. But this surety was felt only when the same pattern was followed.
As a further explanation, we can present a parallel situation of a new bride, unfamiliar with the kitchen, whose first meal-let's, for the sake of argument, say it was steak-was a success. Subsequently, she serves steak all the time, or as often as possible. She feels "safe" with steak. No experimenting is necessary. She is secure.
Debbie felt "safe" performing fellatio on a Negro male. She had done it once, successfully, and she knew if she followed the same pattern, she was sure of success. Tied into her case, also, was a high degree of sensuality. Debbie appreciated and wanted sex. Her basic insecurity as a human being, as illustrated by her explanation of her failure to become integrated into the youthful population of her new community, led to her acceptance of an aspect of sexuality which to us would be, of itself, unsatisfactory and unsatisfying.
A third factor in Debbie's psychic makeup was her social consciousness. She knew what she was doing was socially abhorrent. Or at least she thought it was. The reader could ask the question why, if social consciousness was a factor in her actions, did she involve herself in such a sexual act in the first place.
The only answer to that question is to refer the reader to his own past sex life and ask him to examine his actions to see if there was anything that he had done that he would not have done if he had not been highly stimulated sexually.
Cunnilingus is often performed in the heat of passion and then regretted afterwards. Anal intercourse often results, at least the first time, from extreme stimulation, a sort of "don't give a damn" attitude. Any man or woman who has had any sexual experience at all has experienced moments of complete abandon. Debbie was no exception.
She was, however, highly embarrassed by what she had done the minute her sexual contact was complete. In her case, that completion was the male orgasm, the spilling of his seed into her mouth. That, to her, despite having or not having an orgasm herself, was the end of the sex act. Immediately, as she stated twice, embarrassment set in. A reaction that is all but unnatural.
If there is blame to be placed in Debbie's obsession with fellatio, and the manner of it, it might lie at the feet of Debbie's parents and other adults who were responsible for her sexual education.
As in most other cases, the whole problem dissolves in our not fearing what we know. If Debbie had had some reasonable sexual education, had known what to expect and been given a reasonable means of adjusting to new and unfamiliar situations, her addictive sexual obsession might never [original text cut off in mid-sentence at this point]
Maxine Davis, in her Sexual Responsibility of Woman, makes the following ambiguous statements :
The subject of sex is no longer a conglomeration of facts concerning which woman is expected to profess ignorance. It is discussed freely, without circumspection. Parents supply the modern girl with books and pamphlets carefully prepared to instruct her at each period of her growth from childhood to womanhood.
Perhaps there is a clue to Debbie's actions in that statement. Suppose Debbie's parents were the "enlightened" type and they did supply Debbie with "books and pamphlets carefully prepared to instruct her at each period of her growth from childhood to womanhood." The result might have been an awareness of sex, which Debbie most certainly did have-note her reaction to seeing the Negro male penis for the first time-but also a fear of failure, since these highly touted "books and pamphlets" are merely clinical facts with no emotional substance.
Again, to give a parallel situation, perhaps a young person is given a detailed book on how to dive from a high board. The youngster devours the book and learns all the procedures; how to stand, how to arch the back, how to land, etc. And then one day, for the first time in his life, the young person is confronted with a high diving board. He can see it, touch it, and walk on it. He also has all the facts about how to successfully execute a high dive. Will he be able to accomplish a successful dive? It's doubtful.
Debbie was in the same situation. She obviously was aware of sex and it interested her. Where she got her information, and whether it was accurate or not, is not known. However, we can assume that she did have some information.
In the vernacular, Debbie tried the "three-foot board" first, and her efforts resulted in success. She had the personality that made her stick with that success, and perhaps even with her knowing all the facts that would have allowed her to attain the higher success-in her actual case a healthy, accepting attitude toward sex and love-she decided to stick with the "three-foot board."
That's where Miss Davis's highly praised "books and pamphlets" fail. In some personalities, they do little except create fear.
Margaret Mead in her article, "One Aspect of Male and Female"-in Fairchild's anthology, The Way of Woman-wrote what may bear great relevance on Debbie's case: "The crucial time for the acceptance of the girl's femininity is in adolescence. Normally the girl moves through adolescence pleased with becoming a woman...."
Unfortunately, in Debbie's case, she was content with fellatio. She was a "cocksucker."
"The experience with Sandy and his friends really knocked me for a loop. It put me on the sexual shelf for almost four years. All I had during that time was my hand, my memories, and my imagination. But I made the most of those.
"I used to watch Negro men, however, all the time. And not their faces. I'd find myself staring at their cocks. But only through their pants. The experience with Sandy had scared me too much to pursue anything, although I think I could have made contacts any number of times.
"But I knew I had to keep my reputation, and for those four years we lived in nothing but small towns. Even smaller than the one where I had run into Sandy. So I didn't allow myself to do anything.
"But then I headed away from home to college, and man, did things change.
"I suddenly found myself on my own, for the first time in my life, and in a big city, where there wasn't any problem at all about being discreet. All you had to do was drive a few miles to a different neighborhood and nobody knew, nor cared, who you were.
"But first, of course, I had other things to take care of, although I always had in the back of my mind the anticipation of going out and finding some big black dick to suck.
"What with the expensive clothes I was wearing, and driving my own car-a new one-I almost immediately got the reputation of being a 'rich bitch,' which I guess I was, so I had no trouble joining the rich "bitches" sorority. They weren't a bad group of girls, but they were so goddamned phony. They acted like they didn't have cunts, or mouths. All they did was talk about sex; they never did anything about it. But in order to stay in good graces, you had to follow the set pattern, so I did. I talked about the fancy parties I went to, and how this and that boy tried to 'make' me. All the time I was champing at the bit to find myself a black tube of meat to lick.
"Finally, I couldn't take the phony life anymore. Or at least I had to take a break from it. I wasn't about to give it up, just take a vacation. That's what most Americans do, you know. Live the phony life, wanting like hell to be doing something else. I'm the same way, and I'll probably stay that way. No use bucking the system.
"Anyway, I asked quietly around campus about the Negro sections of town. Actually, there was a large predominantly Negro part of town near the campus, just about ten minutes' drive away. I made my plan and one Friday night, I sneaked on some beat-up clothes, snuck out to my car, and headed for the black section of town. All during the drive, my stomach was in knots. I was so excited I was sure my pussy was wetting my skirt down. But I didn't care. This was the first time in almost four years, and I was going to make the most of it.
"It was still a little light when I got to the section I wanted. I was getting more and more excited. I drove up and down the streets, just looking at the male attractions. There were a lot of them, but most of the males on the street were of the very young variety. Like maybe six. That was a little too much even for me. Of course, there were a couple of older men, but they didn't really turn me on.
"And then I drove past a branch of the YMCA. It was on a corner and the building had a large veranda-type porch running on two sides. The veranda was 'filled' with cock. Just the right age and kind. I parked the car and just stared at the place. The problem now was how to approach.
"There was a parking lot on one side of the building, lit up, but not brightly. I waited until it was totally dark and then pulled my car into the lot, about halfway back.
"I pulled open a couple of buttons on my sweater, letting my tits more than half hang out. Then I pulled my skirt even higher up on my thighs. My goddamned pussy was just about standing up and waving a flag. If somebody came along and didn't get the idea of what I was after, then he'd be one dumb bunny. I sure was giving all the hints I could.
"Finally, I turned on the overhead light in the station wagon. I picked up a paperbound book to hold, just in case somebody like a lot attendant came along. Or a cop. But that didn't end up being a problem.
"I sat there for maybe fifteen minutes. I was getting hotter by the second with just the anticipation. I had my fist jammed up my cunt, working on my self feverishly. But I wouldn't let myself have an orgasm. I wanted to save that for later.
"At the end of the fifteen minutes, a Negro finally came into the lot. As luck would have it, his car was right next to mine. As luck would not have it, he wasn't anything to get excited about. About sixty; very distinguished looking. Probably ran the YMCA, or something like that. He stared at me for a short while, probably just wondering what I was doing there. I don't think he had any visions of having his cock licked.
"And then I hit the jackpot. I didn't even hear the guy until he was almost right next to me. A young guy, dressed to the gills. He stared right into the car. I didn't even have time to take my fingers out of my cunt. His face split into a wide grin.
"'Hey, little girl,' he said. 'You come down here to get yourself fucked, did you?' He laughed lightly. I looked up at him, embarrassed as hell but still turned on by what he was saying.
"'Too bad, baby,' he continued. 'I got myself all set up with a nice little black pussy for the night. But I'll be glad to go back and tell some of the brothers. A lot of them ain't got a thing to do tonight, and I think they'd like to stick their pricks into something like you.'
"I looked up. I realized my face was burning, but I was determined to go through with it. 'Yes,' I said as evenly as I could, 'why don't you go tell some of the brothers.'
"Without saying anything more, the guy turned around and walked back to the YMCA. He. whistled happily until he was out of earshot. Nbw I was really excited.
"The guy was back in just a few minutes. He walked over to the car window. 'Turn out that light there, baby,' he said, 'and stretch your funky little body out in the back of this here monster. You're about to have one visitor after another until you're ready to cry uncle. And if you can hold out, I'll be back about two o'clock. If I've got any more cock to give by that time, I'll throw a fuck your way myself.'
"Then he headed for his car, got into it, and pulled out of the lot.
"I thought about doing what he suggested. The back seat of the station wagon was down, giving me a fairly good-sized working area, if that's what you would call it.
"I turned off the light inside the car and slipped over the back of the front seat. I sat there in the corner, sort of huddled, waiting. I didn't have long to wait.
"Suddenly, before I knew what was happening, there were two dark faces at the front car window, looking and grinning at me. 'You the available pussy?' one of them asked.
"I shook my head. I knew I had to set the record straight right away or I'd have a repeat of the scene with Sandy, which I didn't want. 'No,' I said emphatically, 'I want to suck.' Just as simple as that; I amazed even myself when I heard myself saying the words.
"'Holy Christ,' one of them said. 'We've got a real live wire. Move over, babe, you are about to get your first piece of dark meat for the night. Watch out for us, will you, Carl?'
"His friend nodded while the first guy got into the car through the back seat. He lay down on his back, unzipped his pants, and pulled out his giant prick. It flopped down along his thigh. Then he put his hands under his head and settled back. 'Suck away, baby-doll. I'm ready if you are.'
"I got up on my knees, over him. I was trembling so hard I could barely move. I pulled on his cock, feeling it surge against my hand. Then I eased his balls out of his trousers. I slowly lowered my head, taking the tip of his cock inside my mouth, licking it, sucking on it hard. He groaned and started to grind his hips up toward my face. 'Take it all, baby,' he urged. I took as much as I could. I licked and sucked, then moved to his balls. I took them in my mouth, washed them, then went back to his cock. Up and down, in and out of my mouth. I worked on that cock until I got most of it inside me. I could feel his pubic hairs brushing against my nose.
"His friend wasn't standing guard any more than I was. He was peering into the car, a glazed look on his face. He couldn't wait to get into the car and take his turn at being sucked.
"His buddy, still on his back, but now holding my head down tight on his cock, suddenly arched his back, and with a long, low moan shot what seemed like gallons of come into my mouth. I gobbled it down. Finally, I thought, I'm getting my kicks. Finally.
"The bit lasted for a couple of hours. My jaws were sore, tired. Nobody tried anything funny. They were all content with their suck jobs.
"I've been at it now for a couple of weeks. Whenever I get the urge, I head over to the YMCA.
Luckily, nothing has happened that I didn't want to. But I know my luck won't hold out. Some night some punk will get the smart idea that my pussy is better than my mouth. There'll probably be a gang rape, just like there was with Sandy back in high school.
"But I guess those are the chances you take when you want something like black dicks to suck and you don't want the world to know about it. I've gotten so paranoid about secrecy that I even drive way out of my way to get home. Just in case somebody tried to follow me and find out where I live.
"But, whatever the dangers, I think I'll keep it up. Sucking on those monster black cocks is the most exciting thing I do, and I don't think I could do without them. I'm a real suck freak; a real black-cock suck freak. And I'm willing to admit it, but only to myself.
"And as for the possibility of someday having it put to me by a bunch of guys who want more than a suck-what the hell, I may be looking forward to it."