Chapter 1
Tom: Incest and the Adolescent Male
"I guess the only thing anybody is ever interested in is when did I start fucking my mother. Sure, they ask a lot of questions like, 'What was my relationship with my father?' and a lot of other bullshit like that, but I know the only thing they're interested in is how I put my cock up mother's pussy and screwed the hell out of her.
"In fact, most of the time, the ones asking the question look like they don't believe me at all. Hell, that's okay with me. I'm used to people listening to me, wanting to hear about me fucking my old lady, and then calling me a goddam liar.
"I mean, what's it to me? I couldn't care less whether they believe me or not. It happened. Often. Period.
"It all started when Mom and I moved out of the big house we used to live in and went into an apartment. She finally sold the old mausoleum my father had given her as part of the divorce settlement.
"And before you ask-no, I never see my old man. I wouldn't recognize him if he walked in here and spit on me. And I don't want to know him.
"Anyway, in this apartment, the new one, our bedrooms were a lot closer than they'd been in the old house. It was still a big apartment, but now we were within hearing distance. I was eleven at the time. After we'd been in the place for a couple of days, and one night after I'd gone to bed, I heard all these noises that I didn't recognize. I was by myself in the bedroom and was really scared. I remember that perfectly. I lay there for a while, working up my courage to get up and see what was happening. From what I could tell the sounds were groans, like somebody was in a lot of pain or something.
"Finally, I got the guts to get up. I headed out into the hall and walked towards the sounds. I really got scared when I realized they were coming from my mother's bedroom. The door was almost closed. By that I mean I couldn't see into the room, but the door wasn't closed tight. All I had to do was push it a little. After a long while of still hearing those noises and getting more and more afraid, I finally pushed that door-just a little. I was afraid for my mother, but not really brave enough to go barging in.
"Course, what I saw made me think the guy was hurting her. After all, I was a little kid. Whenever I'd seen anybody in that position before, they were always fighting. I didn't know the only thing going on was a good fuck: the guy from the next apartment was in there getting his rocks off by fucking the shit out of my mother.
"To show what a little jerk I was, I watched for a little while, then I screwed up my courage again and ran in. I jumped on that guy's back and started to pound away. Now that I look back on it, I guess it was really a pretty funny scene. I can remember, too, seeing a grown man's cock for the first time. I was impressed. The guy was really hung.
"And on top of that, it was the first time I'd seen my mother naked. Or any broad for that matter. Young as I was, after the commotion of my entrance calmed down, I can remember being excited about seeing her naked. Really excited.
"Somehow the situation was smoothed over and I was sent back to bed. I don't remember what words she used to explain what was going on, but I guess they made sense. She also had a long conversation with me the next morning, explaining things about men and women, and pleasure, and all that kind of bullshit.
"Anyway, when the talking was over, I knew one thing for sure. When she was laying there moaning and groaning, and some guy was on top of her, sticking his prick in her and then pulling it out, I knew that she was having fun, no matter how much it looked like he was hurting her. And the more and harder the guy long-dicked her, the more fun she was having. It was hard to believe, but I took her word for it.
"From then on, just about every weekend, and sometimes during the week, I'd be outside that door while good old Mom was getting her cunt plugged. Man, I saw a lot of crazy things. I guess Mom was getting weird because she'd do just about anything for kicks. I can remember one night she had this colored guy in there. Man, he had the biggest cock I've ever seen, but she lay there and took it-every goddamned inch. And one night she had four guys in there. They were sailors. They all had her, at least once. One guy four times. I knew they were sailors because I had breakfast with them the next morning, and they had their uniforms on.
"But I guess you want me to get on with the story, right?-like when did I start getting some cunt to fuck myself. Well, with all due credit to Mom, I think the first time was an accident. She was in the bedroom with this guy one Friday night. As usual, I had my nose pressed up against the door. That door, you see, was always open a little. I think she subconsciously wanted me to watch. Anyway, this guy had Mom up on her hands and knees, facing the door, and he was fucking her in the ass. Man, I'd never seen anything like that. He had his big cock ramming in and out of her ass like a piston.
"I guess I got more excited then than the other times. I was twelve, and I'd already been fooling around with myself a lot-especially ouside that door. And I knew I could come. The first time it happened I was scared shitless, but at least now I knew what coming felt like and why those guys wanted to plug my mother so much.
"Anyway, I saw her taking it up the ass and I was really interested. I guess I lost my cool and pressed my nose against that door too hard, because the next thing I knew I was on my face on the floor, inside her bedroom. I looked up. They were both staring at me. He still had his big, fucking prick wedged up her ass.
"Then she started to get up, to get off his prick, but he wouldn't have anything to do with that. 'Let the kid watch his mother getting her ass fucked,' the guy said. And he started plowing away again. I was scared, having been caught, but after just a few seconds, Mom didn't seem to mind my being there anymore. In fact, if anything, she was even more excited. I got up on my feet and moved closer to the side of the bed and watched that big cock jamming into her. The son-of-a-bitch was alternating his cock between her ass and her cunt. He'd pull all the way out and then force himself into her other hole. Christ, she was moaning so loud I thought the neighbors would hear. She would even have liked that.
"In and out, in and out-I'll never forget it. I could hear his balls slapping against her ass every time his cock would plunge into either her ass or her cunt. She kept pressing back on his cock, trying to get more of it inside her. And she didn't give a damn whether that cock was filling her ass-hole or her pussy.
" 'Ever see her get fucked before?' the man asked me. I shook my head. I never had, at least not like that. 'Well,' he laughed, 'you're seeing it now.'
"All of a sudden my mother grabbed me. She supported herself with one arm on the bed and pulled me towards her with the other. She started kissing me. And it wasn't like a 'good-bye, go to school' kiss. She had her tongue down my throat. That kind of scared me, but it also turned me on. She kept running her tongue in and out of my mouth, playing with my tongue. She sucked on it so hard, I thought she'd yank it out. Then she took my hands and put them on her tits. 'Play with them,' she whispered. She sounded real hoarse. So I played with them. 'Harder,' she yelled. I didn't know if she was talking to me or the guy behind, but I started mauling on her tits and she got all the more excited. And I could see the guy fucking her was in her cunt now, ramming and jamming his cock into her about a thousand times a second.
" 'Pinch 'em,' she yells at me, so I start in pinching her nipples. Even my own little pecker is hard by this time. I guess she saw that and before I know it, she's flat on the bed, her face sticking over the side and she's got my cock in her mouth.
"Now, if you remember the first time you got head, you gotta remember that it's the greatest thing in the world. I shot in seconds. She gulped down the cream like it was money. Then she held me so damned tight to her that she almost knocked me out. She came then, just as the guy behind threw his cock into her the last time and shot his own cream.
"Believe it or not, I don't remember anything after that. I don't even remember her saying, or me saying, anything. The next memory I had was of the next morning, at the breakfast table. Mom and I were alone, and I'll have to say this for her, she was a real two-bit, do-anything whore, but she wasn't embarrassed by it. We sat there and calmly talked about what happened the night before. From then on, I was included in all the fucks. I grew up real fast.
"Course, it was more than a year before she let me do the fucking myself. You gotta realize, my mom was used to some really big cocks and a twelve-year-old just didn't have the size equipment she was after. But I was growing, and growing pretty fast.
"Hey, all this talk is getting me pretty fucking horny. I guess that little secretary you got out there wouldn't want to put me out of my misery, huh? No. I guess not.
"Hell, man, I gotta come at least twice a day or I start climbing the walls. And all this talking is getting me going but good. I mean, like sometimes when I was in school, and this was even after I was fucking Mom just about anytime I wanted to, I'd have to go into the John and jack off. Then I could concentrate on what was in the fucking book I was reading. Otherwise I'd just sit there with a big hard-on and think about nothing else but Mom's cunt pulling and pressing on my dick. Mom sure was a good lay.
"But like I said, I had to wait a little while after all this preliminary stuff before I was doing the fucking too. I guess I was thirteen then, and I'd had a couple of good years. Had my cock sucked off just about every time I'd turn around. And the guys seemed to enjoy my being around. They were all weirdos anyway. Mom seemed to pick up weirder and weirder people all the time.
"Then this one night Mom's in the bedroom with another of her freakos, and I started to go into my little act. If it was the first time for one of Mom's studs, I'd repeat the thing I did that first night-you know, fall through the door. If the guy was a repeat, then he was there because he liked the scene, so there was no sense in screwing around. I just joined the group right off then.
"This particular cat was young, at least he was a lot younger than most of the guys Mom dragged up to the apartment. I was outside the bedroom door, looking in. They were doing the usual preliminary stuff, kissing and tossing around on the bed. He really seemed to go for licking her tits. But then, when the time comes for the real nitty-gritty, the guy is limp. He had a helluva big cock on him, you understand, but it was limp. He tried pushing it in, shoving on it, but it wouldn't go in. Mom even went down on him, sucking his cock for maybe five minutes. It helped a little, but then it drooped again as soon as she stopped. I could tell Mom was getting a little pissed. She looked over at the door where she knew I was.
"I fell in, right on cue.
"As soon as that happened, and I got up and walked over to the bed-you see, by this time I did my act naked, no use fooling around-anyway, as soon as I get to the bed, the guy's pecker starts growing like a fucking tree. Man, it was sticking out harder than a rock in no time at all.
"Mom crunches up close to the guy and moves her cunt onto his cock, but as soon as he's in her, he goes down. Then, when he comes out, he goes up again. Really sounds stupid, but that's what happened.
"So there was no way in the world that that guy was going to fuck her. She tried everything. She wanted that big joint in her so bad she was about out of her mind.
"She leaned over and started to suck on my prick. It was hard in seconds. It still doesn't take me long. I looked over and the guy was hard again. Mom moved over on him. Tilt. Down he goes again. By this time Mom is so hot you can just about smell her cunt hairs burning. She's got her whole fist shoved up into her own hole. Tuck me! Fuck me!' she's screaming. But the guy couldn't do her any good.
"Then she said the magic words. 'C'mon, Tom-mie,' she says. 'You fuck me.' Man, I guess I'd been waiting for that invitation for a long time because within seconds I was up on that bed and had my cock poised at her cunt. I guess just at the last second, just about when I was ready to shove my prick all the way into her, she had some second thoughts, because I remember her saying, 'No, no.' But by that time I was home.
"Now I wasn't as big as the other guy oh the bed but I was growing-and fast. My cock was a thing to be proud of and I slammed it into her as hard as I could. That sure stopped her protests-real fast. She didn't do anything but groan from then on. I fucked and I fucked. I shot and then I fucked her some more. I was really young then and I thought my cock would never go down.
"Well, meanwhile, this other guy is taking advantage of the situation. He didn't try anything really rough. All he did was put that big cock between my thighs and ride along. I didn't see any harm in that. He wasn't hurting me and I didn't know any better. And Mom was beyond noticing or caring at that point.
"But then the two of them headed off together. I mean, they shot off, they came about the same time. She was writhing on the bed, moaning like an Indian in heat, and he was shooting a quart of cream up between my legs, on her belly. Man, it was a wild scene. Only when Mom came down off her plateau, she really read the riot act. She realized what the guy had been doing, and man, did she start calling him names. Christ, I've never heard anything like that since. She could really cuss like a blackpussy whore.
"From then on, I was in on the fucking anytime there was any action. Sometimes I'd fuck her first, break her in, I guess you'd call it. Or the other guy would have first throw and I'd be happy with sloppy seconds. And sometimes they were really sloppy.
"Hell, if you want to know how many times I fucked Mom's pussy, I guess you'd have to count up all the Saturdays, and throw in a few Fridays and Sundays-shit, let's just say a hell of a lot of times.
"But like I said, Mom was getting a lot freakier -and fast. She was picking up guys left and right. Hell, she'd even quit her job and was living on alimony, just so nothing would interfere with her fucking. She'd pick up guys in bars, in supermarkets, at the gas station, anywhere that she'd find a cock that appealed to her. And then she'd always bring her pussy home so that her son could ride it, too.
"Then she got a thing for gang bangs-real, honest-to-God group fuck sessions. There were never any other females around, just Mom, but a lot of times there'd be from two to six guys in on the fuck. She had them all, me included, and she loved every minute of it. I think she could have gone another round with all six of us, but it was getting late. What am I talking about? Late? It was ten o'clock in the morning!
"That apartment was getting to be a regular sex palace. But there's one time that really sticks in my mind. There were only four of us that night. It was a slow night.
"All the guys had been there before, only separately. They knew what was going on, so as soon as they got to the apartment, I was right in the middle of things. We didn't even head to the bedroom that night. We did it right in the middle of the living room floor. The fireplace was lit and that gave a little light, but not too much. And that was good, because the drapes were wide open. Our apartment overlooked the pool and there was a walkway leading to other apartments that went right in front of our window. Anybody passing couldn't have missed the scene.
"I guess I was getting as freaky as she was, because I can remember being excited about those drapes being open.
"Anyway, one guy started the night off with his belt. He started beating the shit out of Mom with it. I watched it. I had to. He started in and she was having a ball, enjoying it thoroughly. At first it bothered me, but then I started to get really turned on. You know, seeing somebody just laying there, willing to have their ass beat, tends to make you feel kind of powerful. At least it did me. And then, after the belt bit, there was no stopping us at all. I mean, no way.
"She took on all four of us at once. One in her cunt, one in her mouth, and she had her hands on the other two. Then we'd change around. And once these two guys were in her, both at once. One in her cunt and the other in her ass-hole. Man, it was getting to the point that the more you hurt her, the more she liked it."
It might interest readers to know that the preceding interview took place at a State hospital for the criminally insane. Two years previous, Tom had come home and killed his mother. Her body was found by a cleaning lady two days later, horribly mutilated. Her breasts were severed and her vagina had been stuffed with broken glass.
Tom was found shortly after in the furnace room of the apartment house. He was huddled on the ground. His eyes were wide open. He made no sound. He was led away and remained in this catatonic state for almost a month.
It was only within the last few months prior to this interview that Tom would talk. He can never be released from the hospital.
It seems almost out of context to mention a young male in connection with incest. Our standard "accepted" combination of those involved in the horrors of incest are the young girl and her father. And in most cases-percentages vary with reports from 55% to 74%-this is true.
There is another significant combination, however, that seems to be only a secondary consideration to those who work with the problem-namely, the sexual union of the young male child and his mother.
In the various reports used in this study, percentages varied greatly as to the occurrence of young-male-older-woman involvements. One report states that this combination was found in only-7% of the cases; another reports this involvement at 42%. Why the tremendous difference in percentages? Mostly, and this is conjecture, the variations are the result of differing areas and differing incomes and educations of those involved. For instance, young male child and mother involvements occur much more often in more sophisticated households. In lower income brackets, there were few reported cases. It would seem that the higher the income and educational levels, the more frequent the occurrence of this particular involvement.
Tom is an example. He is the product of an upper income bracket family, and except for the fact that his parents were divorced when he was age six, his childhood was normal-or as normal as it could be under the circumstance of having no or little masculine influence in his life. Tom's mother retained complete custody of him; not even visiting rights were requested by the father.
Tom's incestuous relationship with his mother came about in progressive stages, as he so graphically illustrated. At the time of the interviews detailed in this chapter, Tom was seventeen, and indeed he was a young man who knew much about the world. But perhaps he knew only about the wrong things.
We had one purpose in speaking with Tom. We wanted to find out what single event, or series of events, caused his mind to snap. We wanted to find out what had happened to have him react in so violent a way. The answer is found in the following section of his case history.
"You see, all this time, and it'd been a couple of years now since I'd started fucking around with her, I'd never had sex with anybody else-only Mom. That might sound a little funny, I mean, me being so young. But when you get used to using your cock regularly, you get some real mature ideas about your life.
"But I didn't need anybody else to have sex. My mother was giving me all the action I needed, even if I was only a young kid whose cock would pop up every goddamned five minutes. I had good staying power-I guess all kids do-but most times she wore me out good.
"All the trouble started when she met Phil. I was just fifteen at the time, but even then I'd had plenty of sex-and expected plenty of sex, from her. But then Phil showed on the scene. Just a couple of days after my fifteenth birthday. In fact, you might even say that Phil was a birthday present. Some fucking birthday present.
"Jesus, why did that creep have to come along? Things were going along just great. I was having a ball and I thought Mom was, too. I mean, she was getting freakier and all that, but she seemed to be enjoying herself the way things were. Like I said, she even quit her job and started hanging out at bars and places like that even more. We were up to about four or five gang bangs a week. And man, I was getting all the sex I needed. And let me tell you, I was a kid who needed one hell of a lot.
"I didn't think anything we were doing was wrong. How can a kid know something is wrong if he was raised with it? I mean, if you were raised on stealing and it was the only way you knew to get something to eat, you never could convince yourself that theft is wrong, no matter what anybody says. I guess I took it for granted that all kids had what I had.
"I mean, as far as I knew every kid was fucking his mother, and having her suck off his cock. And doing it while half the male population of the whole fucking town was watching.
"I didn't have any real friends to find out different. Shit, I didn't need any kids my own age hanging around. And I didn't want any. Besides, Mom liked older guys-except for me. Older and freaky. The only reason she had me around was because her own son fucking her cunt really turned her on. And her buddies.
"But I guess I got side-tracked a little. I mean, on my story. I even forgot where the hell I was. Let's see. Like I said, things were going great. We were having sex just about every night. New people all the time, and anything went. I was really having a ball. And by this time I was full-grown in the cock department and I didn't have to take a back seat to anybody. I could fuck with the best of them.
"And then one night Mom dragged Phil home. I thought it was the standard scene. I stayed outside the door, my cock standing up at full mast, waiting to get into the bedroom. I was jacking myself off like a monkey what with watching the two of them going through their warm-up sucks and licks. You see, we had a little signal, Mom and me; when she wanted me to make my appearance, she'd say the word 'kitchen.' It sounds dumb, but that's the way she let me know when to come in. She'd say something like, 'I hear a noise in the kitchen,' and blam, I'd fall inside, naked as a jaybird, with my cock hard as a rock and ready to fuck.
And let me tell you, by the time she got me into that room, I really needed something to fuck.
"This particular night, though, she was a long time in saying our word. And I was getting hot as hell outside that door. I kept staring inside, wondering what the hell was taking them so long. I guess I knew why. Old Phil had her ass propped up on a pillow. He had her legs spread wide open, with her cunt hanging out, and his head was down between her legs. He must have had a tongue like a second cock, because she sure was enjoying it. He was lapping away at her cunt and she was moaning. Oh, I'm com-m-ming, she'd scream, and he'd keep on lapping up her pussy juices.
"They were in a position that let me see the action. Phil took his fingers and separated her cunt lips. Then he'd take his tongue and lick all around just on the inside. He'd take her clit in his teeth and bite very gently. Man, that had her ass bucking. Then he'd stick his face down into that pussy as far as he could. His tongue would shoot up in there again and again. And then he'd stop and start the thing all over again.
"He really liked to eat pussy, that guy, because it went on for about a half hour. Mom must have come ten times just from the guy eating her box. He'd lick down her thighs and up on her belly to her tits. Christ, her nipples looked like quarters. But he always went back to her cunt. I swear to Christ, one time when he stopped for a few seconds to rest, his face was sopping wet with pussy juice -from his hairline to his chin. Man, he really got in there.
"Mom wasn't in any hurry to have me in there, and I knew it. So I just kept jacking off until I started to come. I splattered all over the wall, on the carpets, everywhere. I didn't give a shit where the come went. I was just sort of pissed at the idea of being kept waiting. I wanted to get my prick up in that pussy.
"I guess Phil heard me making noises when I came, because when I looked back in the room, he was heading towards the door. He opens it and there I am, naked as a blue jay, my cock still hard and standing straight out, and come all over the place. I didn't know whether to shit or go blind. And Mom didn't help the situation any. She lays there, the fucking whore, and calls out real sweet like, 'Who's out there, Phil?' The fucking, ass-licking cunt. She knew goddamned well who was out there. Her 'baby,' that's who.
"That's another thing that really pissed me off about her. She was all the time calling me her 'baby.' Man, it was alright when she used it and I was fucking her. That was alright. What I hated was when she used it when we were outside. Then it really embarrassed me. I guess she just got into the habit though, because that's the way she got to introducing me to her little sex act. 'It's my baby,' she'd say and then reach over and start gobbling my cock.
"But there wasn't any 'act' that night. Phil looked like he was going to knock the shit out of me for watching. He didn't say anything but I saw his fists ball up and his face flush. I guess he didn't like being watched. But then Mom comes over to the door, the bitch, bare-assed naked, her big tits swinging. Christ, I could smell her pussy juice from ten feet away. She even had wet marks on her thighs. She was leaking come like a faucet.
"Then she says, 'Tommie, whatever in the world are you doing?' I wanted to hit her. You know, I was so friggin' hot and she stands there and asks me what I'm doing. And it sure as hell was obvious what I was doing. There were pecker tracks all over the damned wall, floor and door.
" 'What is he?' Phil asked. 'A goddamned creep?' Now it was my turn to want to hit him. But he was a big son-of-a-bitch. Not in the cock department-man, he was just average there-but the rest of him was big. Especially his tongue. I guess from Mom's reaction, you'd have to say that his tongue was the biggest thing about him.
"She didn't come to my defense or anything. She just told me to go to bed. I was so pissed I just headed to my room without saying anything. But I could hear them talking about me.
"I snuck down the hall a little while later. The door still wasn't closed all the way. In fact, by this time, we had it fixed so you couldn't close it if you wanted to. I pushed it open just enough so I could see, and you can bet your bottom dollar I was quiet as a mouse. I didn't want Phil to haul off and knock the shit out of me, which I'm sure he would have done if he'd caught me again.
"By now Phil was working on her with more than his tongue. She was still on her back, her ass still propped up with a pillow and he was taking something out of a jar and putting it all over her cunt, inside and out. Just rubbing it on like lubricant, but I knew for damned sure that she didn't need any lubricant.
"Then he finger-fucked her for a while, or I guess I should say fist-fucked her. He had his whole goddamned hand pushing up into that cunt of hers. I thought that was what was really turning her on. But it wasn't. I guess that cream he'd put on her pussy was like some kind of itching powder or something, because she was really going out of her mind. She just thrashed around on that bed and screamed. 'Fuck me. FUCK ME!' she shouted. But Phil just kept plowing that fist of his in and out of her cunt.
"Finally, after a long while of the fist action, he asks her, 'What do you want me to do?'
" 'Fuck me, Phil. Fuck me good and hard!'
" 'Whatta ya say first?' he asks.
" 'Please. Please, Phil, fuck my cunt.'
" 'Will you do anything to get it?' he asked. She nods her head frantically at that. 'Anything,' she says.
" 'Okay, bitch,' Phil says, and by this time he has a real weird look on his face, 'drink my piss.'
"That slowed Mom up for a second, but only a second. She was so fucking hot she'd have eaten his shit to get that cock inside her. She hopped up on her hands and knees and stuck out her face, her mouth open. Phil got off the bed and stood right up close to her, his cock pointed at her mouth. He had a hard-on so he couldn't piss right away. He stood there, waiting for it to go down a little so the piss could get through. All the while old Mom is kneeling there begging for his piss and his cock. She's even reaching around by this time so she can shove her own paw up her cunt. Christ, I'd seen her hot a lot of times, but nothing like this.
" 'Okay, take it,' Phil says and all of a sudden the piss starts coming out. Just a little at first and then, wham, a real flood. Mom missed the first couple of drops, but she repositioned herself and started taking that piss. She swallowed as fast as he delivered. She even moved forward and took his half-hard cock in her mouth and drank straight from the spigot. That got to be too much for her, though. She spilled some, and that got her a clout on the side of the head from the big gorilla. Mom even liked that. Man, I told you she was weird.
"When Phil was finally through pissing in her mouth, he shoved her back on the bed. He got between her legs and finally she got what she wanted. He sunk that cock into her pussy full length with the first stroke. It looked a lot bigger now than it had when Phil was standing at the door. He plowed into her, again and again, long-dicking her. He'd pull all the way out and then shove it in. He didn't care if he hit the target right on or not. If he was off center, he'd just push and shove until his cock eventually found the hole and sunk in. He was ripping her cunt lips apart-and she loved every minute of it.
"She kept coming again and again and he kept fucking her. I have to say this for the guy, he sure could go at it a long time. He had me hot again, so I was banging away on my own cock outside that door. Shit, I started and I finished and he was still fucking her.
"I left then-even watching sex gets boring after you've come yourself a couple of times-and fell asleep with the sweet sounds of my mother being fucked cascading around my ears. He must have stayed in her three hours.
"Phil wasn't around the next morning at breakfast. Mom came down looking like the last victim of the Trojan War, eyes all red, skin blotchy, big bags under her eyes. Christ, she was really a scag.
"She'd bounce right back though. I knew that. She could fuck all night and look like shit the next morning at breakfast, but after a couple of cups of coffee and an hour in front of the mirror, she'd be the same great-looking woman she always was.
"But I was pissed at her that morning, and wouldn't talk. She knew what was the matter and fell all over herself apologizing. 'I brought up the subject of bringing you in on the scene,' she explained, 'but he didn't go for it. I'm sorry, baby.'
"That didn't make me any less peeved, but I kissed her anyway. No use staying mad, I told myself. As I was standing next to her she reached up and felt my cock under my bathrobe. It was hard as hell. 'You didn't get anything last night,' she said. She played around a little more. My cock was throbbing and red, standing up for action. She pulled my robe open and leaned forward, taking the whole length of my cock in her mouth. Then she backed up and started licking the tip with her tongue. She followed the veins down the length of my prick with her lips and then swallowed the whole thing again, sucking on it like crazy.
"I shot in no time, then she just sat there sucking up my come and swallowing it as fast as she could. Finally, I stopped shooting off in her mouth and moved away. 'That,' she said, 'was for not getting into me last night.'
"I went to school happy. I forgot all about her drinking that creep's piss.
"The creep was back that night, alone, which was unusual. All the other guys, if they did repeat, came back as one of a group. Phil was all by his lonesome, and I could tell from the mother-fucker's attitude that he thought he owned Mom, me and the whole world.
"We had dinner together, but I didn't say three words. As soon as I could I told them I was heading out. I did. Just walked around for an hour or so. I was pretty pissed by the whole situation.
"When I got back, the first thing I did was go to my room and strip off my clothes. They already were in the bedroom, and I was damned determined to get in on things this time. I was all excited-I wanted to see Phil really slam it to her-and then I wanted to get into the saddle and show her what a real fuck was like. Man, I was going to shove it in every way I could, twist it in, sideways, backwards if I had to. I'd show her. And that fucking Phil.
"The door was locked! I pushed on the damned thing and it wouldn't open. I could hear them in there, but the door was locked. Somehow that creep had closed the door and talked her into locking it. I was so mad I damned near threw up. And I was hot, hotter than I'd ever been in my life. I wanted to fuck her so bad I could taste it. But that goddamned door was locked.
"I went back to my room and got dressed. I was going out to find somebody to stick my cock into. I wanted pussy and I was going to get it.
"I didn't know it, but I had a real problem going for me. Just where in the hell does a punk fifteen-year-old kid find a girl to fuck? Especially a kid who's green about where to go or who to see. I couldn't find anything or anybody. I walked around, peering into every girl's face I saw. Christ, I was even staring at old ladies who hadn't had a fucking in decades, but I got nowhere, except more frustrated.
"I came home after about four hours and beat my meat until it was sore. I was still fucking horny, but Phil and my mother were still locked in the bedroom. And then I got an idea. A whore. I'd find myself a whore and pay for some ass until Mom got over the hots for creep Phil. I went to sleep with that idea racing through my head.
"The next morning I waited until Mom was out of the house and then stole twenty-five bucks out of her drawer. I wanted a high class pussy to fuck, not some two-bit hooker. After all, I was used to the best. I sat around counting the minutes until night came.
"I got out as early as I could-I even skipped dinner-and headed downtown. I knew I'd find somebody down around the hotels, and I did. I could recognize the fucking whore-cunts as soon as I saw them. They had the same look in their eyes that my mother did when she was on the make. Only they got paid. Mom did it for free.
"The only trouble was I couldn't get any of them to pay attention to me. I was only fifteen, and with my pants on I looked it. I'd walk up to one and try to say something and she'd walk away. One even patted me on my goddamned head.
"But then I got an idea. I went to a hotel and talked to a bellhop. He smiled and told me to sit in the lobby. He'd have a cunt for me in five minutes.
"He missed the mark by about twenty seconds. She was a good-looking blonde, sort of tall-taller than I was-and she was willing. And, believe it or not, she took me serious. She took me to her own apartment but when I told her I had twenty-five dollars, she said that wasn't enough. Then she saw the look on my face and said twenty-five would be alright.
"We got to her apartment and both stripped down. I wanted to fuck her on the living room floor, remembering that scene on the living room floor at home, and she agreed. Christ, for twenty-five she would have fucked in a church.
"All this time, you know, from the minute I left the house, my cock had been hard and raring to go. But then, when I'm settled in front of this broad's pussy, I go limp. Limp as hell. Just like that queer Mom brought home. It wouldn't get hard. The girl tried every goddamned thing. She sucked on it. She smeared cold cream on it. 'You like to fuck me in the ass?' she asked. Sure I would have liked to, but I couldn't.
"I wasted the whole fucking twenty-five dollars. My cock just would not get hard.
"Two nights later I'm about ready to climb the wall. I hadn't had any sex except with my hand in all that time. And Phil had moved in. Yeah, that creep was living in now, fucking every night. I could hear them-but I was out in the cold.
"Mom had, or at least that's what she told me, fallen in love-with his tongue.
"I asked around school if any of the guys knew a girl who liked to fuck. Angie was a girl everybody recommended. She'd lay for anybody, they said. I looked her up. Sure enough, within ten minutes of my saying hello, she was on her knees, taking my cock down her throat. I stood there, in her goddamned side yard, and held her ears. I plowed my cock in and out of her mouth. She gagged but kept coming back for more. She licked and sucked, then she moved her head down and started in with her tongue on my balls. She had my pants down around my ankles and my cock standing straight out. That damned nympho even had me bend over and she licked my ass-hole. Man, that felt great. I can still feel that wet tongue sticking up in my shit track. And she was out of her head with excitement.
"Finally, she got down on her back-we were still in her side yard, but it was dark-and pulled her skirt up. She didn't have anything on underneath. I stripped off my pants and got down between her legs. She grabbed me with her two legs like she was a vise. I looked down at her cunt, spread open for me. Her pussy lips were red as blood. I stuck a thumb inside, just to wet her up a little. That's all it took. Her pussy juice started running. I aimed my cock, shoved it in. Man, that first shove is always the greatest, and then, blam, the fucking thing went limp. Just like that, for no reason.
"I tried. Man, how I tried. I bucked against her, even pulled the goddamned thing out and jacked it off trying to get it hard. Nothing worked. She just lay there on the ground, looking at me, wondering what the hell was the matter.
"I had to leave her without doing anything. But she didn't laugh at me like that goddamned whore did, so I set up a date for the weekend. I didn't drive, so I invited a buddy along who did-after telling him about Angie. He was seventeen and more than willing.
"That following Saturday night we picked Angie up. We headed straight out for a dark road.
This wasn't going to be one of those feed 'em and fuck 'em deals. We weren't about to bother with feeding Angie--just fuck her.
"We pulled under some trees and I climbed into the back seat. Angie was ready. She was naked and on her back, her cunt glistening in the moonlight. Man, I was hot. I looked up and saw my buddy leaning with his arms on the back of the front seat, watching. He was grinning and, man, that made me even hotter. I fucked Angie with everything I had and if she had any doubts about my ability, I squelched them but good. I had her squealing out for almost a half hour, fucking her until I had come three times. She was covered with the stuff by the time I was done. I finally hopped off and gave my buddy a chance, but by this time I was drained and didn't even get a kick out of watching him.
"And then, while I was sitting there waiting for him to finish, the truth hit me. I couldn't make it with a chick unless some guy was watching me do it. I knew that was the problem. Every time I'd ever had sex before, there had always been a guy watching. I needed some fucking other man around to get my rocks off!
"That really worried the hell out of me, because it sounded so damned queer. I promised myself I'd work it out and get straight.
"It got worse. Three nights later, I was trying to jack off, listening to the moaning coming from my mother's bedroom-and I was hot. I wrapped my fist around my cock and started to pull. Nothing. The cock stayed soft. I was so fucking hot and yet my cock wouldn't get hard. Eventually, I shot off without the damned thing ever getting hard.
"The next day I tried an experiment. I went into the John at school. It was empty. I stood by the pisser and pulled on my meat. Nothing. It wouldn't get hard. Ten minutes I worked on that fucking prick and nothing happened. And then a guy comes in. I knew him. He was in one of my classes-a nothing character.
"I started talking to him, laughing and joking. And then after a few seconds I came right out and asked him if he'd ever seen a guy jack off. This guy was a real winner. He'd never seen shit, but he wanted to. His eyes lit up and I started to pull. I watched him watching me. My cock got harder than a rock within seconds. I shot off in record time.
"I just cut the rest of my classes and headed home. I had to talk to Mom. Shit on that, I had to fuck her. She got me started on this, so she had to help me. But she wouldn't.
"Phil wasn't there, but she wouldn't help me. I even pulled my cock out, but she wouldn't even look at it. I even started to cry, begging her to help me. Then she said, 'Don't be such a baby.'
"That did it, I guess. I saw red and I started hitting her. Again and again I slammed my fist into her face. She tried to defend herself at first...."
Tom eventually finished his whole story. How he attacked his by now unconscious mother, and when his penis did not respond, he took his failing out on her. He mutilated her in the manner which was described earlier.
Apparently he passed out after the murder. When he awoke he saw immediately what he had done. His mind refused to believe it and he withdrew into the catatonic state. That withdrawal was probably the only thing that kept him from taking his own life.
Tom seemed to be making tremendous strides in his recovery. Then, approximately four months after our last interview, he was found in his room at the hospital. He had cut his own throat. A tortured soul, he at last had found peace.