Introduction
Estelle H. related her particular problem in a simple, forthright statement:
"All I want to do is ... suck."
Her particular problem-or, in layman's terms, "hangup"-was not new. But her fetish was a bit different from most. She preferred her thrills in a more varied way than the average oralist.
"Most gals I know suck. Oh, they may beat around the bush and deny it's their big drive, but when you get down to the nitty-gritty, they all want that big dong in their ruby lips. I dig it, too. There's something awful exciting about a cock that turns me on. The way it grows so big and hard under my lips. And then, it keeps getting bigger and bigger as I work it good with my whiplash tongue. All that smooth, firm meat packed into that glorious long, thick shape that rises and rises until it packs into every inch of my mouth. I can take an amazing amount of cock into my mouth. I just suck and suck until I pull it all the way down my throat so the tip of it can tickle the little jiggler we all have in our swallowing cavity.
"But I play it cool when I get my guy up to this stage. I learned that the whole thing was apt to come to a screeching halt once the guy shot his wad. As hot as a guy gets, he can get cool just as fast after he comes. So, I learned to time my pacing better. I would build my partner up to the key point and then ease up so he could recover his control. That way, I could get what I wanted the most.
"I get my biggest cream-jobs by licking, tasting, and sucking more than just the guy's cock. I go flying to the moon from the wild taste, the body smells, and the terrific responses I get out of the guy with me. I want to eat away at every sensitive part of his body. I don't miss a trick, I go for the armpits, the tits, the belly button, the crotch, the bunghole, even the ear holes. Each section has its own little flavor-thrill to nearly drive me out of my gourd. I'm stimulated to the very edge of coming just by the different results I get out of my guy as I center in on each key point.
"My first experience with the thrills of orality occurred, when I was fifteen, with an older guy who boarded with the family next door. He was about thirty when he got me over to his room one warm spring evening when the family he stayed with had gone out to a drive-in movie. He fooled around a little to get me hot with talk about what a cute gal I was and how I'd have to watch out for guys. He warned me not to let them shove their pricks into my twat. He didn't word it that bluntly, but I got the message. Then he went on to tell me that there were other ways to answer the craving. He explained that a woman could use her mouth to take care of the horniest in the world.
The next thing I knew he had his cock out. It was up big and hard. He instructed me to take it in my hand and get used to the feel. I still remember how jolted I felt at the stiffness of it. He pressured my head down to his crotch and even though I was scared half out of my mind, I still started to take it like he told me to. As I gingerly licked and kissed at the long, hard cock, I found myself starting to turn on. The musky, raw smell of his cock and balls began to get to me. The next moment I was really eating at him like there was no tomorrow. When he came, it almost chocked me. I didn't know what to do, so I yanked away from the hot torrent that was shooting out of his cock and let it spurt into my hand. He wanted me to swallow it, but I was too damn green to know what a good thing I had there. It was only after a few more sessions in eating guys that I really learned to handle things the way they should be handled. But I guess there has to be a first time for everything ... "
As a researcher in the field of sexology, I recognized that Estelle's reactions to her own drive for oral sexuality were not unusual. There is a tremendous amount of confusion on sex itself. But the confusion is doubly compounded when it comes to oral love.
Reams of pages have been written and declaimed during the past decades on the "proper" sexual conduct. As modern sex research is proving, there is no such thing as "proper" or "improper" sex behavior-with qualifications, of course. If both sex partners are gratified by the act they are engaging in, then it is "proper." If one or the other is hurt, either mentally or physically, by the procedure, then it may be termed "improper."
Regardless of the sexual release attained, whether it be through orality or the so-termed "normal lovemaking," there is no set rule for sexual conduct other than that pleasure should be the goal for both partners. If this is reached, then the sex act is perfectly proper and "decent."
To refrain from overindulgence is sensible, whether the indulgence be eating or all-out sex. But to refrain from any eating or sex would be wrong. Avoiding sexuality in its fullest form when one is healthy and capable is avoiding the meaning of living itself. And avoiding oral sex, when one is drawn to it, is an even greater mistake. Those who place their orality desires behind them, viewing the drives as aspects of decadence, are truly depriving themselves of a great deal of healthful pleasure.
Dr. Albert Ellis has some highly pertinent views on the subject in his Folklore of Sex.
The parts of the human body that are kissable are equal to the parts of the human body that the lips and tongue can reach. "The following," said Vatsyayana, "are the places for kissing, viz., the forehead, the eyes, the cheeks, the throat, the bosom, the breasts, the lips, and the interior of the mouth." But N. D. Mallary, Jr., in his unpublished manual on lovemaking, adds to these: the nape of the neck, the junction of neck and shoulder, the ear (lobes and/or inside), the shoulder, underneath side of the upper arm, the inside of the forearm, the shoulder blade muscle, the palms, the waist or small of the back, the hips, behind the knees, and the bottom of the feet.
And even these are not all. The fingers, the knees, the buttocks, the side, the anus, the stomach, and just about any other part of the body can be kissed, tongued, nipped, or bitten. Not that kissing all these various points will bring equal pleasure to all; for it won't. Some are quite insensitive in certain zones which theoretically should be, but in their cases aren't, erogenous. Thus, some get just about nothing out of having their nipples kissed; and others don't even particularly enjoy lip kissing, though they may go wild about some other kind of osculation.
Then, of course, there is genital kissing. According to conventional authorities, particularly those who are of a clerical bent, oral-genital relations are either abnormal, or else, they are just not nice. As I note in The Art and Science of Love: "The main reason for the existence of a negative attitude toward genital kissing is probably the concept of dirtiness that for centuries has been attached to the genitals. Part of this concept, in turn, stems from the ancient confusions of genital and anal functions, which may have arisen because the anus and the genitals are in such close physical proximity. (H. Ellis, 1936; Robie, 1925). The female vagina is also close to the urethra, while the male's sex organ, the penis, also serves as his urinary outlet.
"But where the anus is, at least to some extent, a 'dirty,' malodorous, and unhygienic organ, the genitals are hardly in the same class. Moreover, it is relatively easy to keep them scrupulously clean. Consequently, individuals who may have legitimate objection to direct contacts with the anus of their partners may over-generalize their objections to include oral-genital relations as well. If they unprejudicedly tried passive and active genital kissing, they might well find it un-objectionable and enjoyable (Thornton and Thornton, 1939).
Dr. Ellis then goes on to point out that body-kissing, like lip-kissing, can be quite variegated in terms of oral movements. As he explains, the mouth consists of the lips, the tongue, the teeth, and the inside of the mouth itself; and it is amazing what a wide variety of movements and pacing one can attain with these varied portions of oral equipment. One can nip, bite, suck, chew, nibble, tongue, lick, brush, rub, tickle, snap, crunch, and so on. And one can accomplish virtually all of these oral activities slowly, rapidly, firmly, lightly, dryly, wetly, prolongedly, shortly, and in a host of other styles. The number of permutations and combinations of body-kissing is amazingly large.
The majority of sexologists today agree that kissing and caressing, of nearly any nature whatever, are good as long as both partners enjoy them and are not fetishistically or obsessively-compulsively attached to a particular mode.
Orality becomes a problem only when it is a true fetish. A fetish is caused by an infantile trauma or childhood shock, when certain objects or actions associate themselves with the first erection or vaginal excitement, followed by the first orgasm. The orgasm may be voluntary and spontaneous, or it may be produced by sexual play among children or by initiation into sexual practices by another human being. Impressed upon the individual is the pleasure experienced in orgasm, and hence the symbol or object he or she associates with such pleasure.
The fetish becomes a problem when the object, or fetish, ultimately replaces the sexual partner. This initiates a definite retreat from heterosexual activity. A significant trademark of the fetishist is his or her aversion to marriage. By this, we do not intend to deny that there are many fetishists who are married and have "normal" intercourse. In the main, however, these cases are rare.
Orality has the essence of fetishism in its core today, but performing oral love does not necessarily imply a case of fetishism. Only when orality must be performed in union with the love object or symbol to gain full gratification can it be considered a true fetish. John E. Somers, in his Sick Sex states his views upon the matter in this form:
There are many who believe as I do, that soixante-neuf should be the means to the end, and not the complete act in itself. I believe it to be a true perversion when both parties strive to secure an orgasm and ejaculation purely through the mediums of fellatio and cunnilingus. It should be indulged in prior to actual intercourse, as a means of successfully arousing the impotent male and the frigid woman, so that they can perform the act of intercourse as nature intended.
Dr. Somers has adopted a conservative view in his own analysis. He may be right, or he may be slightly off the path. Certainly, many of his associates today feel more liberal about sexuality and its expressions. Kronhausen and Kronhausen, along with E. Sagarin have indicated that the use of "obscene" language or "pornographic" literature may often be most stimulating to love partners. G. L. Kelly has recommended that sex partners indulge in the use of a large mirror at the foot of their bed to watch themselves enjoying intercourse (perhaps in conjunction with a hand mirror held by one of the participants). The feeling seems to be that whatever is found to be psychologically stimulating to the principals should be unhesitatingly and unabashedly employed.