Chapter 9
How long she'd been stretched out on the bed, thinking back over the past year or so, she didn't know. It was too dark to see the clock. She reached out and turned on the lamp. She thought of Bruce now, too, and the thought was one of mixed emotion.
After the performance at Bud Thompson's party that night so long ago she'd been left lying on the mattress when everyone was finished using her.
When she had awakened the next day she was so sore she couldn't move. She felt as if her entire body was on fire with pain. Her asshole felt split along with her cunt. Her tits were bruised and had turned a purplish-blue color. The insides of her thighs were scratched. There were fingernail scratches over her back, stomach and legs.
Mustering up some hidden inner strength, she managed to find her clothes, scattered around the room. She dressed, found a bathroom and dabbed at her face with cold water. After she'd made herself as presentable as possible she hailed a cab and went back to the house, hoping to find Ted there.
But, the house was empty!
Carol searched through the rooms and found a note, finally, pinned to her pillow. It read "ON LOCATION, BE, GONE A MONTH. HANG IN THERE."
"A month," she said aloud. "A whole fucking month." Feeling as if her world had ended, she went back into the living room and found a bottle of whiskey. She poured herself a stiff drink and downed it without taking the glass from her lips. When the warmth had spread through her she felt better. "What I need is to soak in the tub for an hour or so," she said aloud again.
After the effects of the drink and the hot tub had soothed some of her pain she felt better. She found that she could move about without too much pain now. Another drink would completely heal her, she decided.
She was walking about the house, completely nude and with a glass of whiskey in her hand when the doorbell chimed.
It was Jake and his huge Irish Setter.
"Come in," she said, glad to see anyone she knew, "I was out walking the dog and I decided to see if you had a spare drink for a horny neighbor."
"I didn't know you lived around here," she said, then realizing she didn't have anything on, she added, "I should get dressed."
"No," he almost yelled it out. "I think you look better without clothes."
Even after the things she had experienced the night before, she blushed. Somehow this was different. The man had fucked her and had seen her nude before, but ... she couldn't put her feelings into words. She just felt embarrassed, even with the drinks she'd had.
After she'd made Jake, a drink he sat on the couch and motioned her to a spot beside him. "I hear you were initiated last night at Bud's place."
Carol nodded, afraid to answer.
"Sure wish I'd been there."
She looked over at him, curious. He'd already had a turn at her. What more could he want? "It was a frightening experience," she managed to say.
"Didn't you enjoy it?"
"Yes, I guess I did. At first, but then it got so wild, I guess ... I suppose. Oh hell, it was the most degrading thing I've ever experienced. I didn't think I would ever submit to such things."
Jake smiled. "I imagine you're pretty fucking sore today, huh?"
She nodded.
"What you need is to have someone to sooth your bruises now."
"I, uh ... " she started to answer but found she couldn't. There was no way she could stand to be touched.
"Lean back, and I'll show you something that'll help your pain." As if still hypnotized as she felt she had been the night before, Carol leaned back on the couch. She spread her legs wide, as if she were a robot only taught to obey the command of anyone wanting to fuck her.
Jake got on his knees and sniffed between her legs, then started lapping furiously at Carol's cunt. Even as sore as she was she felt a thrill coursing its way up through her body.
His tongue snaked through her passages with the fiery passion that she'd experienced before. Over and over Jake sent that lapping tongue past her bush, across the door of her labia, flicking it for a split second against her clit, then swooping it deep into the lusting channels that writhed and shook in hunger to have it there. It didn't hurt at all, she realized.
Jolts of sexual delight rippled through her. She could see the flashes of light rebounding in her skull when the lightning-like effect of the man's ministrations finally reached her brain. Her pussy throbbed all along the entire length of its passage and the lusciousness she felt as his tongue-caressing continued to bombard her with more pleasure than ever.
She leaned forward slightly so she could watch him while he thrust his tongue farther and farther into the snaking pussy hole. Carol shook and shivered from the delicate pleasure that the man's tongue forced into her.
Before she could really respond totally, the front door opened.
"Well," the sound startled her and she sat up quickly.
Ted was standing there surveying the scene. He didn't say anymore than that first, "Well." Instead, he closed the door and came into the room.
"I thought ... uh, I thought ... " Carol tried to say.
Ted nodded to Jake in greeting before turning his attention back to Carol. "You thought I was away on location. I went by the studio first and discovered that I needed some notes I'd left here. Now, I'm glad I came back."
He stood over Carol now and stared down at her a long moment before continuing. "I told you once that I didn't care who you fucked or what you did ... as long as you did it in my presence."
Jake interrupted, "It wasn't her fault, Ted. I ... "
Ted swung to him, cutting him off in mid-sentence. "It doesn't matter who's fault it was. She's disobeyed me, and I won't stand for it. Young lady, you're finished,"
"Just like that," Carol retorted, feeling her temper flaring up.
"Just like that. You get dressed and haul your little ass out of here."
Carol remained in her fixed position as if frozen.
"Get dressed!" Ted screamed. "Get, dressed now!"
Carol went into the bedroom and found suitable clothing. A street dress and some walking shoes. When she came back into the living room, Ted and Jake were having Brinks and talking, as if nothing had happened.
When she stood behind him, Ted turned and handed her some bills. "Here's five hundred bucks. That's all you're worth really. It'll hold you until you can tie up with another man."
"I, uh ... " she was still dumbfounded. What kind of a man was this. But she took the money. "I ..." she started to say, but Ted cut her off.
"Now get. Ill arrange for a divorce."
"Please, Ted, listen. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Please."
"Just get your ass outta here, slut!" Carol saw the rage fanning through his face.
She had never seen this before. He was completely different now.
Slowly, as if mesmerized, she went to the door and opened it. Turning, once, she looked back at him. Ted, her husband, her lover ... he was all she had. She started to speak but when she saw his eyes cloud over again she went on out the door and closed it behind her.
And that's the way it had ended. Now stretched out on the bed she could almost smile when she thought of how ridiculous it had been.
For days she had wandered about, finally locating an apartment and a job. Back before the beauty contest she had worked in a grocery store. She found it easy to get a job and she enjoyed being busy. It had been weeks before she had even allowed herself any social life. Then she'd met Brace and he had propositioned her and she'd taken the job at his health studio.
God, if Bruce ever imagined what kind of a girl she was he would have nothing to do with her. Had she ever been innocent? She had, but it seemed so long ago. So long. She remembered back to a date she once had, back before the beauty contest, back before John, Ted, Alan, Bruce, back before she had wrecked her career and her life.
Her neighbor had called and made the arrangements. A nephew was coming in from college for a weekend and needed a date.
Carol started getting ready for the date early in the afternoon, looking over the things in her closet, trying to find something which wasn't too conservative or too bold. She tried on dress after dress, but none of them was just right.
There was the micro-mini she'd bought, a daring outfit with a flaring skirt and a low neck and a big bow in back. She'd never worn it while her mother was alive and hadn't thought of it since. She put it on and looked at herself and could remember a similar dress she'd had when she was six. She reached up to work at her hair and saw the hemline rise up to reveal the soft puffs of her pubic curls, and she knew the dress was too much.
She finally settled on a yellow silk sheath that fit tightly enough to reveal without being vulgar and was conservative enough to be acceptable anywhere. She stripped it off and placed it on the bed and went into the shower.
Carol bathed for a long time, letting the warm water run over her skin in satiny waves as if washing away the wickedness she'd been wallowing in. The aroma of the perfumed soap wafted into her nostrils and made her heady with anticipation. Her hands slid up and down her body, cupping her breasts softly, teasing around the swelling nipples with slippery fingers.
She washed carefully between her thighs, letting her fingers dip into the gap of her cunt to clean it and perfume it and at the same time cause her to shiver with little thrills of delight. It wasn't that she intended for her date to smell her there—far from that. She just wanted to feel her body glowing and tingling sensitively so that she would be attuned to everything that was going to happen during the evening.
She got out her big powder puff and patted her body with clouds of sweet-smelting powder until it was silky smooth all over. The granules clung to her damp curls and glistened like miniature sequins around her bloated cuntlips.
Carol glanced down and realized that she was still vibrantly titillated all over. The proof was in the way her labia swelled and drew in and puffed out again as if eager to receive a thick, hard cock. It was obvious in the way her powdered breasts were full and lifting and softly rounded as if eager to be cupped by warm, caressing palms. And her lips were unusually rosy and full, and her eyes bluer than normal.
It was obvious to Carol that she was looking forward to her date in a totally feminine way, and the thought shocked her for a moment. She began to imagine what his chest would look like with no shirt on it, what his thighs and genitals would feel like under her searching hands.
Ripples of pleasure ran all through her and made the firm flesh of her buttocks quiver with excitement, because she'd never really thought of a boy in such a way before.
She shivered deliciously and dabbed powder over her pussy in thick clouds and felt delightfully naughty doing it, not caring at the moment what the results might be.
From habit, Carol picked out a stiff, white bra and cupped her tits inside it, noting the subdued swell it caused. Then in a fit of daring, she stripped it off and picked out a filmy half-bra that lifted her tits into full, pointed prominence and made them jiggle enticingly when she walked.
She had been going to wear panties under the mesh of her panty hose, but in another fit of daring decided she wouldn't. She couldn't think of a good reason that was consistent with all her rationalizations and refused to try to justify it to herself.
She stepped into the sheer hose and pulled the mesh up her legs, feeling each cross weave pluck at her skin sensitively like a million tiny mouths kissing up her thighs all around, all at once. The nylon snugged over her buttocks and came up around her crotch in a tickling way, tight yet free, encasing yet open.
A few silken curls nosed through the mesh and waved at her in the mirror. Carol could see the way the springy hose flattened her swollen cuntlips and made them wide and eager-looking, showing the merest line of pinkness between them as if giving her cunt a chance to breathe freely all the way back.
She ran her hands up her legs again and again, smoothing out the wrinkles, making the nylon fit like a second skin—a skin that would be all right to touch and fondle and look at if the opportunity arose tonight.
Carol was sure it would. She knew it would. She slipped the silk sheath over her body and adjusted it around her breasts and waist and hips and imagined she could already feel his hands roaming over her body as he held her to dance or touched her to guide her through a door, or ...
She shivered again and looked at the new Carol in the mirror. *'Oh, God," she moaned softly, liking what she saw. "Why does sex have to be so shameful and ugly?"
Later at her neighbor's house she was delighted when the tall, grinning young nephew walked through the doorway, hugged Carol's neighbor and was introduced.
"This is Tad, Carol."
Carol held out her hand, and the blond youth took it and held it a moment. "Wow!" he said. "You're worth the trip."
Carol felt his. touch go through her and start her body trembling again. She saw the look in his eyes as if he were just discovering that she was a girl or something.
Later, after they'd talked and joked, Tad asked her if she wanted to take a drive. She said she would, and they left.
Carol watched him drive, stealing glances at him as they went through the small town, listening to his resonant voice rumble warmly beside her.
As the evening went on she began drawing closer and closer to him, loving his company. She snuggled into his arms when they danced at a small road-house, and only once thought of what she was doing and what she was allowing him to feel when her full breasts flattened against his chest and grew warm inside her bra. His palm burned at the small of her back, and she had the sudden desire for him to make it slide lower and cup the firm swells of her buttocks.
Later, as they drove back to the house, she told him that she would like to live in the city. When he pulled into her driveway and cut the engine and looked at Carol across the distance, his grayish eyes were soft and warm, and she felt them infusing her with desire.
"Let's go in, Carol. Auntie's not home yet," he said, smiling handsomely.
His arm went around her waist, and his hand spread warmth down over her hip as he guided her into the house. Once inside, she felt strange with him being so near.
"I'll fix you a drink."
Her head felt light and bubbly as the wine he'd given her started working, and she felt freer and more alive than at any time she could ever remember.
On the couch he put his face close to hers in a way that was highly stimulating after the evening of freedom. She watched his lips and knew he was going to kiss her with them—perhaps all over. She suddenly thought of how his cock would feel sucking its way out of her cunt. She shivered with the quick throb of delicious need that went through her womb as she imagined his lips and tongue between her thrashing thighs. A tiny sighing moan escaped her lips, and he bent closer to kiss her.
It was tender and gentle, and she found herself inching toward him shamelessly in eager response, seeking more, needing closer contact with him. Thrills chased up and down her back and settled somewhere between her trembling buttocks so that the deep cleft burned with sensation.
His kiss grew stronger, and his lips parted under hers* She felt his tongue trying to penetrate her mouth like a warm, living thing in symbolic coupling with her body, and again the image of her fantasies came to her mind. Carol imagined the sensitive, fluttering, impatiently probing tip of his tongue against the soft flesh of her pussy instead of her lips. Now his big hand cupped her waist and rose along the side of her body until the heel pressed in against the rising swell of a breast. She felt his hips and thighs moving and merging with hers and pressing together with trembling warmth, and she knew she should be resisting him at any moment.
"Tad ... " she gasped finally, her hooded eyes gazing at him.
"Carol ... I, uh, I need ... " he whispered breathily, but he couldn't finish the sentence.
She saw his face becoming flushed, and from some land of instinctive fear she glanced at his lap. The bulge she saw starting to rise alarmed her and thrilled her at the same time.
"You're so sweet, so desirable." He looked at her, running his eyes over her face and sloping breasts. "I want to sample those soft lips of yours again."
His mouth came down on hers. Carol felt the heat of his breath against her face like a caressing blanket of security, and she was acutely conscious of the path his hand was making along her torso.
Her body began to sing under his touch. The spark of resistance that told her she shouldn't be letting him do this flared briefly and went out, and she collapsed against his frame willingly and let his hand capture her tits and fondle them with exquisite tenderness.
She moaned open-mouthed against his lips and felt his tongue spear into her. The thickness of it rubbed over her sensitive lips and plunged into her waiting mouth. She closed her eyes and let her bubbling sensations soar as his hand slid down the silk sheath over her belly and into her lap.
"Tad—no," she gasped. But the protest didn't even convince her.
His hand traced the line of her hip with erotic touches. The feel of it came through the thin silk and the teasing slickness of the nylon panty hose. When Tad was at the hem of her skirt, she felt her dew-moist cuntlips throb with anticipation of what she knew would come next.
As if betraying her, her buttocks tightened and made her pelvis rise upward and her thighs turn out slightly to his hand. His fingers slid along the insides of her thigh under the skirt, plucking at the burning flesh so tightly encased in the nylon barrier.
Carol felt her gaping cuntlips swell heatedly as his fingers neared them, and she knew her pussy was leaking profusely and would dampen his hand. She felt embarrassment for that fact and tried to close her thighs before it could happen, but all that did was trap his hand between them. He wriggled his fingers and gave her a double thrill that took her breath away.
"Carol, you're so beautiful!" he gasped heatedly, his lips covering her face over and over.
"Tad ... we musn't ... "
"Yes, we must!"
His hand pressured inward and slid along the silky tunnel of her thighs. Carol's head rolled back, and she moaned again, feeling all resistance go out of her. She thought at least with Tad it would be good.
She cried out with mounting passion when his fingertips slid up and down the satiny, lubricous lips of her cunt, the sensation coming through the nylon net fully as if it weren't protecting her any longer. She could feel the compressing mesh of the panty hose rasp along his searching fingers and turn her smooth, oily secretions into a frothy, mass of bubbles that made a series of quick gasps pop from her lung as tiny, rippling, preliminary orgasmic thrills chased along her body, preparing her for the big one that would come.
"Tad! Tad!" she cried.
Her arms went around his neck, and she pulled his head down for another kiss, giving him a forbidden, shameless tug of encouragement of what lie was doing to her fiery cunt. Her hips scooted wantonly forward on the couch and lifted into his hand as if begging for more of his passionate touches.
She felt die big bubble inside her womb expanding with readiness to be popped and make her light and quivery all over. She remembered the sight of the big, stiff cock sliding heatedly into the accepting well of a pussy that she'd often fantasized. Again she shivered, almost violently.
The wish-fulfilling images flashed through her, and she realized clearly that there needn't be any more wish for it to happen with a man—that if she did nothing to stop Tad, it would soon be happening whether she wanted it to or not.
But the crying, trembling fact was that she did want it to happen. Perhaps for the first time, she really wanted to be fucked by a man. She wanted his thrusting cock inside her. She wanted to feel it fill her aching cunt. She ached to sense the driving bursts of his semen as the velvety head mushroomed to full expansion and vibrated with life-shooting pulses of his fluids. She needed to feel his covering weight against her flattened tits and lifting hips and to feel his thighs grinding against hers.
Her senses spun out of control with all the forbidden, shameful feelings she wanted to experience right at the moment when his hand was smoothing down her lower abdomen and his fingers were curling around the slippery mound of her cunt, one of them seeking the damp, oily slit at the center.
Yet the more she wanted these things to happen, the more she knew she shouldn't want them because she would feel the unbearable guilt afterwards. Her mind told her not to go any further, but she couldn't control her body's response to his exploring fingers and his soft, hot mouth that was kissing over her face and down her neck toward the deep cleft between her aching tits.
"Tad ... oh, God, Tad. Don't!" she cried, the words grasping from her mouth in tight puffs of desire-laden breath.
"Lift up, Carol darling. Lift tip so I can slide your dress off!"
"No ... no ... " Carol gasped, feeling his hand reach behind her.
The zipper went down, and the yellow silk parted and slid from her shoulders, cascading in satin folds over her bursting tits until it bunched at her waist.
Cool air caressed her shoulders and chest, and then his lips were steaming her skin where the silk had been. His free hand pushed at the mounds of her tits, and his hot, wet tongue licked into the soft crack between them.
Her nipples flared outward and stabbed at the flimsy material of the cups. Then the covering was suddenly gone as his hand made a quick motion at her back. The flaming nipples jumped shamelessly toward his warm lips as he sucked first one and then the other into his mouth and brought ragged moans of delightful passion from her throat.
She thought suddenly of the moans in her fantasies again and a new kind of thrill raced through her. She clutched Tad's head and pressed it tightly to her aching breasts, lifting her chest to feed her flesh to his ravenous mouth.
"Ohhhhh, Tad ... " Carol groaned.
His hands worked at the golden puddle of her dress at her waist, and without willing it, she felt her hips lifting up so that he could slide the dress over her hips and down her thighs. His hands cupped her trembling asscheeks and made the flesh quiver inside the panty hose.
She realized suddenly that her body was completely exposed to his eyes as if she were revealing it through a teasing, diaphanous curtain. Yet she felt safe from violation because of the skin of smooth nylon. Somehow, she knew that as long as the panty hose remained over her crotch she wouldn't have to worry about what she was doing. The garment meant the ultimate in sexual delights for her, pleasure with safety from the final act of insertion. He could tease her to greater and greater heights of delirious sensation in a way that would satisfy her needs and at the same time prevent the guilt of completion from trampling her down afterwards. She knew that as long as his lips and hands coursed over the erogenous areas of her body while his penile invasion could be thwarted, then she would be in a heaven of delightful stimulations, and she could allow his touches to go everywhere and to bring her to the peak in repeated bursts.
She felt his fingertips tracing the line of her sodden slit, pausing at the top to roll her vibrant ball of nerves just enough to make her pelvis rock with tiny shudders of release that built her passion instead of easing it.
She felt him press the nylon into her cunt as far as it would go, reveling in the certain pleasure that he couldn't penetrate the barrier. She felt his hand cup her springy "buttocks and squeeze the silken flesh of her thighs.
She slumped beneath him on the couch and groaned in avid response. She eased the inhibitions in her mind enough to permit herself another climax in front of him when he brought it forth—a bigger one than those preceding, one he couldn't miss noticing. Pleasure spread over his face as her cunt quivered under his touch, and she lay back and wallowed in the luxuriant feelings he elicited from her, still secure in the knowledge that this was sensation with safety and that it was somehow all right.
But she hadn't given thought to his satisfaction. Nor to the possibility that he would insist on taking her fence away and making her totally naked and, open before him. When she felt his hands inside the panty hose, preparatory to rolling the garment from her dewy gates, she gasped harshly and tightened herself for the battle she hadn't wanted to fight. Her luxuriant emotional bath drained away and left the bubble of naked lust still rising inside her like a frightening apparition of a truth she didn't want to face.
"Tad, no more ... don't ... " she cried urgently.
"Don't be silly, Carol—you're dying for it, the same as I am!"
"No, not that ... not like that ... don't say it that way!"
"Darling, believe me, it's more than sex, more than a need of the moment. I know that we've found each other. We were meant for each other. I love you, Carol, very much." He whispered the last words into her ear.
"Tad, you can't mean that!" she cried.
He guided her hand to his lap, and she felt the hot, throbbing cock jutting nakedly from his loins. Instinctively, before she had time to think or react in any way but the most primitive and shameful one, her fingers clamped around his thrusting, vibrant; virile cock and reveled in its hardness. She felt the velvety meat burn her palm and pulse under her fingers with each pump of blood through his heated body. Then awareness of the debasing way she was handling him jolted through her, and she jerked her fingers away with shame for her brazen-ness.
"Don't stop, Carol!" he cried. "Darling, what's the matter? You know we're burning up with desire for each other."
"I can't, Tad. I can't!"
"Why not? Oh, God, why not?"
"Don't ask me to explain it. I don't know why. I Just can't do what you want me to do!"
"You can't still be a virgin!" he cried, squeezing her buttocks hard. "I believed that at first, but not now."
Carol felt him pry the protective mesh from her cheeks and roll it down to the tops of her thighs. It peeled stickily away from her golden pubes and released the puffy, tumid meat of her labia and allowed the petals to bloom freely before his eyes and split apart in open invitation to his probing gaze.
His fingers searched the dewy slit and widened the slippery gap to ease into the warmth of her shaking cunt. She cried out raggedly and felt her hips lift up toward his hand in open denial of her spoken protests.
"Carol!" he moaned, shifting his weight on the couch.
He fumbled with his buckle, and she knew there would soon come the point where she could no longer protest.
She reached out for his trembling, ready cock and gripped it again, hating herself for what she was doing but knowing at the same time that she'd hate herself more if she let him slide his prick into her and grip her hips in his fucking embrace.
She slid her hand up and down his cock firmly, agitating the vibrant extension of his being until she heard him moan with hot breath against her neck and cheek. Thrills of wanton lust coursed through her and made her pump faster. At the same time, she felt her cunt rise pleadingly against his slippery fingers.
But his fingers clutched the flesh of her tits and her soaking cunt as he groaned again and pumped his prick into the tight cylinder of her hand. He tried to edge toward her in an attempt to line up their organs and make the shattering plunge into her depths, but the urgency of her hand made his buttocks shudder powerfully.
The velvety head of his cock burned into the side of her hip and exploded there, bathing her flesh with the heady fluid that gushed from his loins.
In immediate reaction to his cries of passion. Carol felt her own huge bubble burst and send her senses reeling toward unbelievable heights of sensational delight. Her thighs fell wide apart, and her spasming cunt grasped at his fingers shamelessly as she lifted over the peak and came more violently than she could remember doing at any time before. Her throat opened wide in a song of passion that blended with his and made them shudder together iii a climax that was somehow both frustrating and fulfilling at the same time.
His semen splashed in scalding jets over her hip and tangled through her fingers in opalescent strings, matching the slippery fluids into which his fingers were immersed.
He lifted his head slowly, and she watched his eyes with a sense of fear, knowing she'd cheated him and yet done the best she could to satisfy him. There was a vacant, faraway openness at first, and then his eyes slowly focused and looked down at the evidence of his copious ejaculation. His cock slumped slightly, and he sat up without saying anything to zip it back into his pants. He glanced over at her splayed thighs, seeing the pink tissues glisten with moisture and still quivering from the intensity of her big orgasm.
"Why didn't you let me, Carol?" he said softly, "It would have been right for us—both o£ us."
She closed her thighs, feeling shame under his eyes. "I couldn't, Tad," she said. "I'm sorry—I told you I couldn't."
"There's more to it than just being a virgin, isn't there?" His eyes were staring into Carol's.
She squirmed, feeling the guilt forming from inside, before she nodded her head.
He stood and walked across the room, and then he came back to the couch and stood in front of her. For a long moment he stood there, then he reached out arid touched her cheek with his hand. Carol almost jumped from the contact. His hand felt so warm and so good.
Seating himself beside her he took her hands into his and squeezed them. "Carol," he said. "It's probably too deep for you to talk about, but I wish you would. Maybe I'd understand. You're too young to have such hangups, and you have a whole life ahead of you."
Now years later, and much more experienced, Carol lay in bed and wondered why she hadn't told Tad why she was frightened. She was scared of herself, of what she'd do when she was really aroused. Of course, too, now she realized that it had been so all the time. The volcano was down there all the time.
Throughout the night, Carol slept fitfully. She'd doze, then awaken and raise-up. Was this what was left for her, she wondered? Her fantasies, the past, and occasionally Brace. But, it was better than being on a permanent display of sorts—to be used by whatever method Ted Hurley had dreamed up.
God, she needed to be loved—to love. She had felt this, in a slight dumbfounded way, when the big movie star Alan Norman had fucked her. At least Alan didn't care about public exhibitions. He liked his sex private. She wondered about Alan, where he was, what he was doing? Maybe she'd check the papers and see if one of his movies was showing somewhere. It would be nice to see the big man on screen. Now she felt a warmness in her heart when she remembered how gentle he'd been with her.
But, the thought of Ted entered her mind again and drove the thought away. Ted hadn't filed for the divorce yet. Or, at least she hadn't been notified when the divorce was filed. Surely he had filed for one. Maybe Ted was just pulling some type of perverse act on her. It would be like him, just like him, she decided. Any day now he'd pop in on her and demand that she come back to him. He'd want her to go through all kind of sexual perversions again so he could get his kicks.
Now Bruce's image appeared before her eyes, as if he were present. Big muscular Bruce. He was a good fuck but that was all there was to it. Surely there had to be more to Me than just the pure physical pleasure of sex. Surely somewhere there was sex for the spiritual pleasure of it.
Carol dozed again and dreamed. She saw a big white horse come galloping in. Alan Norman, in a tall white hat swooping her up off the bed and carrying her away on his mount—riding toward the distant horizon.
When Carol got up the next morning she felt as if she'd never slept at all. She showered, hoping the hot spray would put some life into her tired body.