Chapter 11

Even though Carol had just experienced something great it wasn't too long until she was as uptight as she had ever been before in her life. She couldn't rid herself of the feeling of futility. She wasn't above what she had experienced with Ted Hurley and the Bud Thompson crowd, after all. She was worse, she decided.

If only Ted would divorce her. Maybe he had tried and couldn't find her. Yet, she had left her new number with the agency that handled most of his material. She had also left her number at the beach house.

Could it be another of Ted's curious whims? Could he be holding out just to have her suffer a bit more? She wondered. Perhaps if she could rid herself of him legally she could eventually cleanse her life.

At work, Carol kept busy. She didn't want to think too much about what lie ahead for her. Around midday the telephone rang. When she answered it a familiar voice said, "Hi, sweetheart. This is your husband."

"Ted!" Carol tried to fight down the fright that suddenly sprang from inside her.

"I suppose you're wondering why you've never been served with divorce papers?"

"Yes," Carol felt a shudder creep up her back. "I didn't know, I, uh ..."

"It's like this, sweetie. I was going to divorce you, but then I got to thinking about all the good things I could get you to do for my friends, and I've decided to keep you."

"Keep me? You make me feel like some sort of animal."

"Well," Ted said, his voice sarcastic, "aren't you?"

Carol slammed down the receiver. She held it in place as if afraid to relax her arm. Then she started shaking with fright. She had to get out of the front office. She just had to. Buzzing Bruce, she told him he'd have to cover, that she had to take a break.

She ran back to the lounge before he could see the condition she was in.

In the lounge she held back the sobs as long as she could, then they broke through and she cried.

"God! Oh 'God! I can't go back to him. I would be an animal for sure. He knows what he can make me do. I just can't go back to him."

It was some seconds before she realized she was talking aloud. But, it really didn't matter, she decided. There was no one around. Aloud she said, "God, what must I do. All I ever wanted in life was to have someone to love me and me to love in return."

For at least a half hour she sat talking to herself aloud. Now the tears were gone and she felt weak but dried out inside. There just was no other way. She had to go back to Ted. Regardless, she had to go back. She couldn't afford an attorney to fight him and with his influence he'd win the case anyway. She was stuck with him.

The telephone sprang to life, startling her. Carol jumped to answer it. "Carol here."

It was Bruce on the intercom. "Carol, I need you. I have a new customer. An important one. He wants a massage. And I'm booked and can't help him. So are the others. So, babe, you've got to put yourself together and help out."

"I, uh, I can't," Carol pleaded.

"Look, babe. You've got to. Now I know you've practiced enough, and you'll do okay."

"Well. I suppose ... "

"Suppose, hell. Get your sweet fanny to one-two-one and hop to it."

Carol replaced the instrument and started down the hall. Hell, she thought, how can I give anyone a massage? I'll probably get carried away and try to rape him.

Regardless she went on down the hall and knocked on the door to 121.

"Come in," a familiar drawl called out.

Carol rushed through the door and stopped suddenly as if frozen. "Alan," she almost screamed out, "Alan Norman. You big ole hunk of sweetness." She drawled this out, imitating him.

"Great day a'dawning," Alan said, "Honey chile, I've been looking for you for weeks now. And, all this time you've been hiding out here."

"Oh, Alan, you big tease."

"I'm not teasing, missy. I'm in love with you. Have been since that first time. You know," he paused and took a deep breath, as if getting up nerve to say the rest, "since that time, fucking just ain't been any good." He grinned.

Carol watched him. Suddenly she, too, felt what had really been a doubt before. "I always think about that time, too."

"I want to marry you, missy."

"Ted won't give me a divorce. He wants to keep me around to put on sideshows for his friends." There was bitterness in her voice.

Alan grinned and stood up from the table he'd been sitting on. His six feet-six frame towered above her. Even without his familiar screen ten-gallon hat he was awesome. "Look, missy. You file for divorce. I'll see to it that you get it."

"But Ted threatened me, he said ... "

Alan cut her off. "I'm a mite more powerful in Hollywood than he is. Believe me, he'll go through with it and give you a divorce." He slammed a fist on the table, almost knocking the table over. "He will or else!"

Carol broke down again then and sobbed. Alan took her in his arms and held her close. "Don't let it get to you."

"But," Carol pulled her head from his chest and looked up at him, "I've been so bad, so very bad, I ..."

"No need to talk about it. I told you once I don't get a kick outta all them things anymore. I, like my loving private, and I like my fucking with someone I care for."

Carol held on to him as tight as she could.

That night Alan made love to her. Carol thought later that it was the most pleasurable experience she had ever encountered. She didn't need a dog, she didn't need a dildo, and above all else, she felt completely satisfied when it was over.

She slept peacefully, in Alan's arms, without dreaming or having nightmares. When she awoke the next morning, she looked out the window and cried with happiness. "God, it's good to be alive," she said aloud.