Chapter 5
She dressed for her bridge club appointment and left David a note that dinner was on the stove. She might be a little late if Laura wanted to eat out.
She was about to leave when suddenly the door opened. It was David and his girlfriend. They were surprised.
"Mom, I thought you would be gone already."
"Yes, I see. Well, I ran a little late."
Lately she always had been running late. Her mind was always possessed by conflicting emotions that sometimes kept her in a daze the entire day.
"We just came to do a little homework. Dee has Math problems."
"Yes, and David is so good at Math. He helps me a lot."
Jean came them a frown of displeasure as if to say how stupid did they think she was. Dee had on a tight-fitting pair of jeans with no bra under her blouse. She had obviously caught them off guard.
"Where are your books?" she asked.
"In my room, mom, we didn't need them for today's class."
"I'm going out now and I expect you two to be on your best behavior. And you know what I'm talking about, young man, don't you."
"Really, mom, we have to study. Honest."
She was already late and couldn't stand there and argue. She grabbed her purse.
"Remember what I said. Study, only."
She turned and left and closed the door behind her.
"Don't worry mom. We'll be fine," she heard her son say as she walked to the car. She got in and started it up and her thoughts raced with the powerful engine. Not only was she a physical wrech andmentally preoccupied with her own failures, but now she had to worry that she had dragged David down in the process as well. She knew what her and that piece of fluff were up to.
But her own desire had left her little time to be the proper parent of late. It took every last bit of will to keep herself in one piece.
This was one time she would have to be selfish. Her own health came first. She would be no good to David or anyone if she succumbed to her desperate plight.
She pulled into the Healy's driveway which was already occupied by Laura's car. She went in and Mary was very congenial.
"Darling, Jean, how have you been. It's good to see you."
She had been absent from their daily bridge luncheons for over a month. She had been too ashamed to show her face after splitting with Robert. Laura had convinced her that everyone felt the same as her and it didn't make any difference to them whatsoever. They all still loved her and cherished her company. It had made her fell wanred.
"Mary, how are you. I'm glad I came," then she broke down in tears. She couldn't control herself. She was acting like a little girl. They were compassionate
"Here, honey sit down. Let's talk about it," said Laura.
"She's still having trouble over that brute. I can see."
"Oh, it has just been pure hell these last months. I don't mind admitting it."
"Jean, it's much too long to be brooding like this over it. You're working yourself up to a nervous breakdown."
"I can't help it. Do you think I enjoy this?"
"No, of course not. But it's time you took the bull by the horns and did something about it."
Jean didn't want to be curt with Laura because she was a good friend and trusted confidant. But she was peeved at the suggestion that she should act more like her and be free with men in the same fashion.
"I can't be like you Laura. It cheapens me and I lose my self-respect."
"Is this better?"
"No, but at least there's not a man screwing me up, leading me on a string. I can't believe Robert was lying to me all these years."
""You're too good. He took advantage of that fact to have himself a grand old time."
"I can't sleep at night and I have these terrible dreams. I am physically spent and I'm losing weight. My clothes don't fit anymore and Robert's making the divorce very difficult.
He's contesting everything."
"I thought you had the house and the car."
"Yes, but I'll have to sell it. I can't keep up the mortgage."
"Well, then, you're going to have to fight him for everything. Have you got a good lawyer."
"I don't want to make trouble. I want to make this as easy as possible."
"For him or for yourself?"
"Why, me, of course."
"Then don't act out of love anymore. This is war now. You got to fight. Even if you don't feel like it. Believe me, you'll feel worse later on if you let him have it all."
She was making sense. Mary had answered the door to let Francis in.
"Jean, why are you crying."
"She's feeling bad about the divorce," said Mary.
"Oh, you poor darling,.. said Francis as she rushed to her side, "don't feel so badly. Time is what you need. Give it time."
"Francis, how can I thank you. All of you, you make me feel so much better."
"Let it out dear, that's the best therapy.
They were all gathering around her and helping her to cope with this terrible feeling. Should she tell them about that feeling that constantly burned in her clit?
"I guess the worst part besides the lonliness is that I'm so horny."
"Perfectly understandable. You are human," said Francis.
They were all so nice. What would she do without them.
"And my son is becoming more belligerent everyday. Do you know I just left him at the house with his girlfriend. I felt so miserable and had to see you that I couldn't even stop them."
"Worry about youself first. Then the rest will fall into place."
"I made such a fool out of myself the other day with his friend standing there. I couldn't reprimand him about morals after what I had just done."
"What did you do."
Jean explained the incident. That she had dressed in the suit Robert had bought for her and strutted around by the pool to get Ronnie's attention.
"Did it make you feel better," said Frabcis.
"Why, yes," She had to admit that at the time, before the guilt had set in, she had felt a little better. But then her clit started to flame with desire and there was no one to extinguish it for her.
"You need a man," said the promiscuous Laura.
"No kidding, but I'm so ashamed of exposing my feelings." She remembered the pass the detective had thrown her way and the sleazy odor that profused from him like he hadn't changed his clothes in a week.
"I'm not the type to hang out in singles bars and look for it. There's very few places where I can meet men."
""It's no sin to take it when you can get it," said Francis.
This shocked Jean because she was just about to be married. She didn't expect that from Francis, Laura yes.
"It's easy for you to say. You're getting married."
"But I was divorced to. And it's been a good three years since my breakup. What do you think I did in the meantime."
"Oh Francis, do you mean you picked up men.?"
"Don't make it sound perverted to have sex, Jean. It's a natural urge."
"But what happened when he left you. Didn't it feel worse?"
"I guess it did for a little while. But what the hell, men are entitled to get their rocks off too."
"O come on."
"Well, you know what I mean Jean. You can't expect a lasting relationship with everyone you meet. Your morals are standing in the way of something that's beyond everyone's control. You have a reputation that it would take years to destroy. No one will think any less of you for acting like a human being."
They made it sound so simple and easy. Yet the thought of satisfying her needs without the assurance of a secure man was still slightly repulsive. Perhaps with the right guidance she could learn from them. After all, they really did care about her and it was for her own good that they were advising her.
She felt much better. Her friends concern had worked its therapeutic effect and she went to the bathroom to fix her appearance.
When she came out she looked better and her friends commented on it.
"That's the Jean we all know so well. Here, have a seat and one of Mary's delicious club sandwiches."
"I'm really glad I confided in you. It helps a lot. I feel like I got something settled in my mind."
After that they chatted and played cards and Jean genuinely enjoyed herself for the first time in months. Laura suggested they go have dinner together.
Jean was feeling so good she turned down her friend's offer and decided to return home.
Now that she felt a little better she was determined to give David a sound reprimand for taking such liberties with his girfriend in her absence.
She arrived home and found David busily working on his Math homework in his room. This melted her disposition and the fire of retribution eased from her body.
Perhaps everything had been a product of her sordid imagination. At this time her mind was such a ball of confusion that she couldn't be sure of her perceptions.
"Where's Dee?" she inquired.
"Her father came to pick her up and take her home to dinner."
Everything certainly sounded innocent enough. Maybe she had misjudged the entire situation, or worse yet, had projected out into the real world her own unconscious desires.
"Did you eat?"
"I made myself a sandwich."
"She felt bad that she hadn't prepared his dinner. She was becoming less interested in her motherly fuctions now that her mind was continually filled with her own problems.
"Mom, I have to ask you if it's okay for Ronnie to stay over the house this weekend."
"What's the occasion?"
"His Dad is going on a business trip and would like to take his mother along but they were worried about Ronnie. So I volunteered that it would probably be all right if he stayed with us but I'd have to check with my mom first."
"Okay, but only if you two boys promise not to have any girl's over when I'm gone."
"It's a deal," he said smiling. "I'll call and tell him the news."
She wondered why she had agreed so easily as she was not overly fond of company even when she felt her best. Perhaps it was because she felt guilty about unjustly accusing David of evil and wanted to make it up to him in her own mind.
It was getting late and David was sleeping when she began to get edgy. She didn't like the idea of being by herself and when David would go to sleep she dreaded the hours she had to wait before falling asleep.
This time she tried to calm her jitters with a stiff drink. She went to the liquor cabinet and poured a stiff shot of whiskey which she downed in a long gulp.
The elixir left her eyes fuming. She went to sit on the couch wearing her flannel nightgown that she was fond of wearing because it made her body feel snuggly and warm.
The drink pulsed through her body and the energy seemed to vibrate in her clit. She remembered their second honeymoon at Niagra Falls and thought that Ronnie's parents were probably enjoying the same feeling while he would be here with her.
She held her heavy breasts in her hands and moaned in desperation at her loneliness. She couldn't take it much longer. She was even considering asking Robert to come back. Then she remembered how manner he had been on their last night.
The way he had mistreated her? A memory from long ago was now brewing in her brain as she thought of his cock enetering her ass. The old memory sprung to life as her diziness from the whiskey prevented her mind from filtering it away.
She was a young teenager barely sixteen years of age. She had been asked out on a date by the most sought after boy in school. He was blond and blue-eyed and the captain of the football team.
She was infatuated with him like all the girls and after they had seen a show he asked her to take a ride with him down to the beach. He had been the perfect gentleman during the evening and caught her completely off guard with the suggestion.
She said yes in a hurry and realized it was a mistake as soon as she had said it. But it was too late to take it back. They drove to the beach and he said they should take a walk down to the shore where it was cooler.
She didn't want to but felt she had no choice. She feared what he might say to others about her being a lousy date and a prude. So they walked along the beach edge and when he stopped to kiss her she let him and responded back.
He broke their kiss and they continued walking and now she had felt safe. He asked for a kiss and she had given it to him very cautiously and now it seemed like it had worked out perfectly. He was contented and she had lifted a fearful burden off her chest.
She impulsively kissed him again and this time he ran a hand over breast and gently moved a hand inside to her bra, He was very smooth and his hand was warm so she let him do it.
Then out of nowhere he ripped the bra off and held her to him with a powerful grip. She yelled for him to let go but he was lecherously grinning. She looked around and they were totally alone.
She tried to push him away and started to scream and he slapped her face. He warned her that he would beat her if she screamed again. He threw her down and jumped on her.
He passionately kissed her while her eyes shot across the skies and begged the stars for help. He lifted her skirt and put his hand to her vagina and placed a finger in.
He unzipped his pants, she remembered, and took out his tool and rubbed it against her. It was at full erection. He pulled her panties to the side and then put it in her.
It hurt and she screamed but he kept plunging it into her. There was no one who could hear her and he took full advantage of her. She cried as he plunged deep into her and she could feel her warm blood drench her thighs.
He grunted like a wild animal and she bit her lip and hoped that it would end soon so that she could go home and wash herself. She pulled his hairs and beat his arms with her tiny hands but it was no use. e pumped and pumped and then he pulled out of her and she gasped from that. He came these big gobs of white sperm all over her stockings. She remembered how the silvery moon shone on his penis as it pumped its juices and stained her person.
She was so embarrassed about the incident she never told a living soul about it, including Robert. She thought that the boy had felt a little ashamed to because he never spoke to her agin and she had never once heard about it from anyone else. At least he had kept it secret.
But she remebered that look in his eye when she would meet him in the hallway of the school when no one was about. It seemed to say that he knew her number and that she would always know for the rest of her life that he was the first.
The trememdous power that boy held over her life now came to her in full force. She had never realized that the incident had unconsciously served her as a model in all her other sexual experiences.
No wonder Robert had accused her of being lackadaisical in bed. At times she had wanted to give in the full power of her carnal emotion but that fuzzy memory of the football captain had built a wall around her emotions.
Lost in her daydream the nature of her hidden self became clear. Unkown to herself she had fought to keep the memory of the event from consciousness but it had always been there-now she knew.
There were only two times that she had given herself over to Robert totally as a woman, the deserted island and the second honeymoon. At the fabulous hotel they sayed at that weekend she was hypnotized by the romantic surroundings of all the loving couples and had surrendered to him every last bit of herself.
That time he hadn't taken advantage of her like the last time they had made love together. Then he had caressed her body with his tender hands and had softly brought her to heights of pleasure.
He made love to her that night countless times and the thing that stood out most in her mind as she relived the moment was how she had sighed from her repeated orgasms.
The thought increased her horniness and she couldn't help but place a finger on her clit through her soft, flannel nightgown. In her mind she held him in a loving embrace as his large cock drove home into her accepting pussy.
He kissed her on the face and neck as Ids member filled her with vibrations of delight. She held him close and felt his milky gism paint her womb white and she breathed in ecstsy at the mushrooming feeling inside her.
She fingered her clit and then spasmed from the short orgasm she now experienced. For a moment she felt slightly satisfied and the burning had removed itself from her loins.
She rummaged around the room looking for a magazine she could take to bed and fall reall" asleep reading. She flicked on the light and thumbed through it. The guilt began rising from her bosom and she had to put the magazine down.
She was becoming an expert masturbater now, and she blushed in the realization. She had become so aware of her clit that the slightest nudge in the right place immediately brought on orgasm.
She tried to shuck the loneliness from her brain and shut off the light. But the flood of images in her head flooded her dreams and she tossed the whole night.
The devil was prodding her again with that long pitchfork. Soon the staff transformed to a giant rod with a cock head attached. Then once again the image of the devil's face became clear and she shook awake in a violent gasp.
She lay with eyes half open in desperate search of a respite from her tortures mind. She tried to close them and fall back asleep. She had almost accomplished the task when the tingle in her clit snapped her back to consciousness. She thought she would lose her mind.