Chapter 9
The Urge Is Always Present
The force by which the sexual instinct is represented in the mind is called the libido. The libido is the energy of all those instincts which have to do with all that may be comprised under the word 'love'.
Freudian-wise, at least, the word 'sexual' has a wide meaning. It explains not only sexual desires, but much else. It is Eros, self-love, love of parents, friends, sexual love, and love for humanity in general.
Libido, as conceived by Freud, has certain important characteristics. It varies in intensity even in the same individual. There is a certain ebb and flow, corresponding to the different periods of psychological development. The urge is always present, even in early childhood. Libidinal sensations do not belong to the sexual organs alone, but become attached to various body areas, namely the organs of nutrition, excretion and procreation, and are manifested in localized excitation, which is relieved by appropriate stimulation.
The whole localization process has been accomplished by the end of the fifth year, according to Freud. But the distribution of libido, that is, the direction of the libidinal flow, is constantly changing. It may, for example, be directed outward or inward (object-love and narcissism), or it may be arrested in its forward flow (fixation). It may flow to levels representing earlier stages of development (regression). It may become dammed up (repression), or it may be deflected into other more socially accepted channels (sublimation).
The narcissistic type of object love is found in persons whose libidinal development has suffered some disturbance, and they have taken as their model, not an other, but their own selves. They are plainly seeking themselves as love objects.
In normal individuals, the first real love experience takes place in early childhood, and the parent, usually of the opposite sex, becomes the first love-object. Normally, the child libido detaches itself comparatively swiftly from the parent, but sometimes there is a clinging to some phase or aspect of his first love relationship, and all subsequent love objects bear its impress, if ever so faintly. Several types of adult object love can be traced back to this first early love experience.
Sam W., at twenty, had all the material things a young man could need. He'd inherited a thousand acres of good timber land from his parents, and with his own hands, and the advice of the county agent, had turned it into a rich hunting preserve. City men paid good money to spend their holidays there fishing and hunting. For a single fee, Sam gave them a package deal which included bunk beds, three square meals a day, refrigerator privileges, and games such as cards, darts, and pinball machines. There was also a well-stocked bar.
For the novice hunter, Sam also provided a young woods guide. His lodge flourished, for city men wanted to get back to nature and live among themselves. Many of them also used the lodge to escape nagging wives.
Sam was single. He'd never been in love, unless you could count as love his rather unusual attachment to his now dead mother. Often, he found solace even yet in dreaming he was a little child, sucking at her breast. Those were the times when Sam really felt secure, and he often longed to relive his childhood.
His dreams of sucking often turned into sex dreams, but it was quite by accident that he was awakened to oral love one afternoon when he went over to a neighbor's house to hire one of the boys to work for him. He'd gone up to the porch and called, but nobody answered.
He'd slipped down to the barn.
He heard some young calves bleating, but he saw nobody.
He entered the barn and started to call. But the sounds he heard kept him silent. He slipped up quietly across the straw-covered floor, knelt, and peered through a knot hole.
He saw two boys. One was a redhead, tall and lanky. He had his fly unbuttoned, and his erect penis was hanging out. He waved it about, making a big deal of it. The other boy was dark and short. Sam saw him open his fly and pull his cock out. The two boys eyed each other's meat, then began to whip his own with his fist.
Sam was getting hot as hell from the scene he was witnessing. The redhead said something he couldn't make out, but both boys stopped beating. The redhead turned his back to the knothole and disappeared. The other boy waited there, his prick jutting out stiffly from the opening in his jeans.
A moment later, the redhead reappeared, leading a young calf. The other boy helped him slide its head between triangular bolted boards. The redhead grinned and rubbed his hand over his swollen cock. He dropped his jeans and moved a milking stool up before the calf. He knelt upon it and stuck his cock out to the bleating calf.
Both boys laughed as the calf took it, as if it were a milk cow's udder. It bucked its head into the redhead's groin, and the redhead grunted. Sam didn't know if it was from pain or pleasure. The other boy grinned as the calf continued its unrelenting assault upon the redhead's penis. The redhead moaned, then cried out with great enjoyment. The dark boy now was also stripping out of his jeans.
Sam wondered if they often got their nuts off this way, making the scene with a calf. He was unable to see the redhead's big cock, for it was buried deeply in the calf's mouth. He saw the other boy's meat clearly. It was big, too, thick and knobbed-headed. It tilted up throbbingly. It was tantalizing to Sam, and he watched, fascinated, his own hard rod clasped in his fist.
The calf bleated, and the redhead pumped into it. It stopped sucking, and the redhead's cock slipped out. He cursed. He kicked the stool away and humped up to the calf's slobbery mouth. The young calf swallowed his long, glistening penis again.
"Ahhhh," the redhead moaned, and Sam was sure he was shooting his wad. The other boy moved up, and the redhead toyed with his erection.
The redhead cried out, and it was all over.
The dark boy did not immediately offer his penis to the calf. Lowering his head, the redhead took it into his mouth and sucked upon it.
Sam writhed as he watched the two boys pant together. He felt his bulging erection and fingered it hotly, wishing he could join the fun. He'd never seen anything like that before. His passion roused, he continued to stare through the knothole.
Finally, the dark boy gave his cock to the calf, and the calf sucked it frantically. Sam saw by the sweet look on his face that the boy was coming.
"That's too much," Sam told himself, "especially when you're on the outside without an invite."
He started to get up, at the same time adjusting his trousers and pushing his erection down. He'd made an unintended noise, and the boys had heard him!
One of them called out, "Who's there?"
Before Sam could escape, they had found him. They merely grinned and asked if he had seen the show. And when he said yes, they invited him to join them.
Sam found the calf's sucking his cock too intense. But when the redhead went down on him, it felt wonderful. It was Sam's first experience doing it that way. After he'd come, he and the boys talked about it, and they both admitted they'd had sex quite often with a number of his paying guests.
Sam then imagined several of the guests he wouldn't mind doing such things with at all. His throat contracted and his mouth watered, and suddenly, he was wanting a big, hot cock in his mouth. He sucked both boys that afternoon and liked it.
Back at the lodge, two evenings later, one of his guests came to his room. He was a good-looking young fellow named Eric. Sam sat on a sofa with one leg curled under him. Eric sat in an easy chair, his long legs spread before him. They talked about hunting and the weather, and then Eric finally said something about getting lonesome. "I hear you know a cure for the blues," he said meaningfully to Sam.
"Word gets around," Sam said.
"Yeah, those two kids over at the Randall place sometimes tattle-"
Sam grinned. He knew now for sure what Eric wanted. But he didn't know what to do about it. So he got up and went to fetch each of them a beer. As he handed the can of beer to Eric, his eyes ran over the young man's body. And it was the first time he's really noticed Eric's face, lean, tan, and handsome. He found himself studying Eric's eyes that were dark as night. He was perspiring.
"Take off your shirt, if you want to," Sam said.
Immediately, Eric stood up and stripped off his shirt. His chest was hefty and covered with a great patch of dark hair. Out of the hair, his dark nipples protruded firmly. His waist was narrow, his belly trim, his legs long, lean and muscular.
Eric smiled and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. Rivulets of sweat poured through the hair on his chest and ran down into his jeans.
"I feel sweaty all over," he said. "A shower would sure feel good right now."
"Help yourself," Sam told him, pointing to the tiled shower.
"Why don't you join me?"
They both stripped. The moment Sam dropped his jeans, he felt Eric's eyes upon him. Eric's gaze upon his nakedness warmed his body, and his cock began to rise. He felt timid and embarrassed for a minute, but Eric's horseplay soon got him over that.
And then their bodies touched as if by accident, and Eric uttered animal noises in his throat and quickly shot his tongue into Sam's mouth. Sam gasped as he felt a mounting excitement. Eric continued to give his tongue to Sam, who mouthed it and sucked it and gave of his own to Eric. Eric began to pinch his nipples, and down below, their hard cocks rubbed together. They continued to kiss so passionately that Sam thought any minute he would shoot.
He tried to free himself from Eric, who had moved down to nibble his nipples. Eric kissed his belly, then bent down and grabbed the base of his cock with one hand. He went to his knees and encircled the inflamed penis-head with his lips. Sam was mesmerized by Eric's rough-tenderness as he sucked.
Then quickly it happened. He moaned and spilled himself deep inside Eric's throat. He cried out as he experienced the last spasms of orgasm.
Sometime afterward, Sam viewed Eric's magnificent, erect cock and compared it to his own. Both were big, long and thick, with large, angry cockheads. Eric said, "I've never seen you suck a cock."
"No, I guess you haven't," Sam laughed. "Suck mine! Let me see you suck it!" Eric panted.
It was an invitation Sam had wanted. He took the helmeted end of the prick into his hand and slid his lips around it teasingly. Then he went down all the way, taking the entire length into his throat. He caressed Eric's balls with his hand. It was the first time he'd ever sucked a grown man's cock, and it was great. He felt secure. He felt like a child again, taking nectar from his mother's breasts. He felt Eric spout sweet honey into his throat.
All that season, Sam made love to Eric from time to time. And Eric taught him a score of different ways. There was much satisfaction in it all for Sam, but finally, there seemed to be something missing. What he and Eric had been doing was known among the other men at the lodge, and when several approached Sam, he tried two of them.
But, still, something seemed to be missing.
He realized finally that while he was being sucked, he'd close his eyes and go off into a sort of dream. And in his dream, he'd lost his fear of women. Gorgeous, naked women would be all about him, and he would be fucking them.
Sam wished desperately to try sex with a woman. Often, he found himself possessed of a growing erection beneath his corduroys when he'd think of some gorgeous female.
He was lying alone on the rug in his room one night, feeling hot all over, though it was winter outside. He unzipped his pants and freed his stiffened organ. He wished Eric were there to drop to his knees and take his stiffened organ in his mouth. He felt his cock rise in his hand until it was swollen stiff and aching. He moved his fist up and down its shaft and pretended now he had it in a woman. He thought of Eric and imagined his lips pressed against his thick rod. He knew Eric made a lot of time with other young hunters in the woods, and he would like to fill his throat with his thick juices tonight.
Soon, he was trembling all over. God, he wanted sex! He lay there writhing before the dying fire. He heard a noise outside.
He got up quickly, put on a robe, and went to the door.
An elderly man and a young girl stood there, shivering in the cold. The man said, "My car broke down up the road. I can't get help till morning, and it's icy outside-"
"Please, come in," Sam said.
The girl was blonde and beautiful. Sam caught her studying him carefully, and when he smiled into her blue eyes, and she grinned back, his heart did flipflops, and his passion began to rise.
He put the girl and her father up for the night.
Along about midnight, Sam felt a hand grope him Or was he dreaming under a pile of covers? No! Somebody was over him, taking the knot of his flesh into a hot mouth.
"Eric?" he asked, feeling lips sucking every inch of his hard flesh.
There was no answer. He eased his cock out of the mouth and felt it dangling between his legs.
"Ann," a voice said, and somebody mouthed the large head again, then went down to his forest of hair. The mouth moved up and down, giving Sam exquisite pleasure.
He caught the head that was on him, and felt thick hair. He looked, and the hair was blonde. The girl took her mouth from his cock long enough to say, "I want it all!" She took the head of his prick into her throat and anchored it there.
She sucked hungrily. Sam began to ram his stiff cock in and out of her lips, as if they were a pussy.
He feared he was approaching a climax. He forced her head away, and quickly slipped his cock from her mouth. He held it tightly to his belly, seeking to stay its eruption. He pushed the girl down on her back.
Then, in one quick stab, he rammed his cock into her pussy and began fucking her with his hard shaft. Crazed, he could hardly wait for his orgasm to flood her with his spurting cream. He filled her completely, and his cock quivered in her. He stabbed her to the hilt, and her legs thrashed wildly. He shot a fountain of nectar deep into her, and she received it eagerly.
It was the most wonderful sexual experience Sam had ever had! He lay exhausted beside the girl, and they both rested complacently.
Later, Sam cleaned them both up with a damp towel, then pulled the blanket up to the girl's chin.
She wanted to suck him again, but he wouldn't let her. He mouthed her nice breasts, and she closed her hand pleasurably around his hardening cock and held it there. Pretty soon, they were both fast asleep.
Sam never lost his desire for oral excitement, which had been his preliminary to man-woman sex. But he liked regular sex, too. Once over his timidity and fright, he'd learned to enjoy sex to its fullest, though he still carried an oral love hang-up, planted in him in inimagine.
The saving thing was that Sam learned to know himself. It is staggering, in this world of enlightenment, how many people still need to know themselves in order to find a satisfactory sex life.
A high school girl recently reported excitedly to her mother that a dog on their front porch was about to have pups. The mother investigated. "I'll admit the dog was fat," said the mother, "but never, under any circumstances, would it have had pups!"
The story may be amusing, but its implications are not. There is a staggering amount of ignorance, not only among teen-agers, but adults as well, even those who claim to be sophisticated. How many boys and young men can explain what a clitoris is?
A group of young men admitted they never bothered to use contraceptives. Asked if they weren't afraid of VD, they all shrugged and said unanimously, "Naw, not much. You hear of a case now and then, but that's all. And you can get penicillin shots."
When asked whether they worried about impregnating a girl, they said, "That's the girl's lookout, not ours."
A young girl in one of our southern states recently sued the city in a paternity case, naming the local swimming pool as the father of her unborn baby! She claimed she had been impregnated from semen in the water!
How many married people have a clear idea of the process of birth? They have only vague ideas of what the womb is, or where it is located. Few have received any sex education from then-parents. Most of them did not understand the occasional fuzzy talk engulfed in Latin phrases which they'd heard from social hygiene lecturers. Why must books use Latin terms to make reading and understanding difficult? Why should the Anglo-Saxon term be more offensive than the Latin one?
Fucking and intercourse are one and the same!
Perhaps, with a change of vocabulary, every reader can gain from his reading the knowledge which he seeks concerning the fundamental and one of the most important aspects of his life.