Chapter 10
Amy thought she had acted with real cleverness with Earl and that she had managed the matter of Clem very well, but when Clem failed to call within three days she wondered whether it was all for nothing. For two days she hadn't even thought about it. By the third day, however, she noticed it and waited to see if he would call. By evening of the third day it really bothered her and there was a moment when she went so far as to wonder if she should take the initiative herself. She drew back from this thought as quickly as it came to her, recalling with dread the result she had obtained with Bull.
Yet there was no denying the fact that she might have already spoiled things by her behavior the last time. True, she had apologized after a fashion, but her apology she knew was something that merely had made her feel better. It was doubtful whether it had the same effect on Clem.
Amy tried to laugh at herself. She told herself that she was being silly about him, that he was little more than a boy and that it was just vanity on her part. Her vanity was piqued; but it was not just her vanity that made her want to see him again. In her mind what there was between her and Clem was just beginning and if nothing more should come of it, there would be more lost than her vanity.
What would come after the beginning, however, was something she did not know. That nothing might come after it, however, was an affront to more than her pride. It was an offense against deeper things, against wishes that rose instinctively in her, that beat hard against the armor plate of cynicism she wore. It was this edge of the sword that really cut, though it was the other edge that she admitted to herself.
In a sense it was the reassertion of the girl that she had been that made Clem seem attractive to her.
There were moments when Amy did not like her present self and it was at these moments that the wistful dream of Clem was most appealing to her. At other times it meant less and was in itself an object of ridicule. She was not yet at all hardened to her new way of life and while she carried it well on the surface, she had not made the total adjustment in her personality that it required.
With it all Amy knew that she was really simply doing what Earl wanted her to do. Her own dual feelings on the matter just made her a better instrument for Earl, made it easier for her to go along with his plan. In fact, it occurred to her that had she been a more hard-boiled girl, the whole plan might collapse because she sensed that it was not this aspect of her personality and beauty which attracted Clem. There was no doubt in her mind that he preferred the girl who wore her hair loosely about her shoulders than the one who coiffed it into elaborate whorls on the top of her pretty head. This too was a small affront and part of her desire to see him again was to change this, to force him into line, to compel him to want the tavern girl and accept her as the real Amy. That it might be in the nature of a struggle with herself, Amy did not wish to recognize.
Despite her soul-searching and her self-analysis, no call came from Clem that day or even on the next. When she saw Earl she remarked laughingly that their plan seemed to be failing because the sucker was not rising to the bait.
"I guess I didn't offer him enough bait," she teased.
"He'll be around," Earl assured her. "I know the type. Wait till he sees you in action again. He'll tell you he wants to reform you, but it's all a lot of bull. He wants the same thing all the soldiers want."
"What have you got against soldiers? Without them you'd be broke."
The tavern was scheduled to reopen two days later and the weather had turned real hot. It was mid-June now and the sun overhead had the intensity of August, burning down from a blue and cloudless sky with a brilliance that hurt the eyes. All around Mil-lersville the countryside was brightly green with foliage.
Clem's call came on the fifth day and it was with real relief, mingled with self-mockery, that Amy heard his voice.
"I was beginning to think you were angry with me," she said.
From the way he stammered before replying, Amy guessed that he was blushing and in confusion.
"I couldn't get off," he said lamely.
"Not even for a phone call?" she pressed him.
"Well, I didn't think there was any use in calling, if I had to be on duty."
"And now you don't have to be on duty?" She was taking no chances of his getting away out of shyness.
"No," he replied eagerly. "I've got the whole day off-a weekend, in fact. I thought that I might be able to see you."
"Sure. What do you want to do?"
"I was going to leave that up to you," he said.
She chuckled softly.
"I'm afriad you'll never be a general."
He laughed also.
"My only ambition is to be a civilian," he said.
"How about going swimming?" she suggested. "It's too hot for anything else."
"Great. I know a perfect place. A regular old swimming hole where it won't be crowded."
"I'll pack a lunch."
"Good. I'll pick you up in about an hour."
The idea pleased her. It would give her a chance to wear her new suit and, as usual, Clem had the effect of stirring up the old Amy in a way that pleased her. She went down to Mrs. Cartison prepared for an argument about her right to use the kitchen. To her surprise, Mrs. Cartison offered to prepare a lunch herself.
"Now don't you bother," she told Amy. "I don't like anyone fussing around my kitchen excepting myself. But leave it to Mary Cartison, when it comes to packing a picnic lunch. You going with that soldier fellow.
Amy nodded.
"That's fine. You go on and get dressed and by the time he gets here everything'll be all ready. My late husband Sam, be used to get me. to fix things for a picnic and then sit around and eat and we'd never get out of the house. Nothing a man likes better than a good picnic lunch."
"Thanks," Amy said happily, "thanks awfully. I'll pay for it, of course."
Mrs. Cartison looked up sharply.
"I didn't say nothing about money," she snapped. "Nobody ever said Mary Cartison was slow in asking for money, so if I didn't say anything, don't you go saying it for me. You go on and pretty yourself up for that young fellow."
Amy chose a summery outfit of an off-the-shoulder blouse and a wide flaring skirt with a green flower print and green sandals. It was not without a wry smile that she fluffed out her hair, admiring its golden glints in the sunlight that streamed through the open window. By the time Clem arrived she was ready and the lunch was packed. Clem, to her surprise, was not in uniform. He was wearing a sport shirt and slacks and looked even more youthful than ever. He really was handsome, Amy thought, with his blue eyes and fair hair and rugged features.
Her head came just up to his shoulder, she noticed as they went out to his car. He was smiling pleasantly and she was sure that he had forgotten, or at least put out of his mind, what had happened on their last date. She could not resist the impulse to remind him of it.
"Are you sure you weren't angry with me?" she asked impishly, her eyelids lowered and a smile working the corners of her mouth.
He looked at her with the same disarming frankness that was always so disconcerting. Amy was not used to the lack of artifice in his manner.
"Sure," he said. "I was sore until I woke up the next morning. Then I was sore at myself. How could I blame you for that? But I was too ashamed of myself to call you up right away."
"That's the sweetest thing anyone ever said to me," she said softly. "It makes me feel a little ashamed of myself for treating you like that."
And all at once the shattered mood of the previous night was reestablished. No more words had to be spoken between them. Clem swung the car off the highway onto a dirt road some twenty minutes out of Millersville and the car climbed rapidly up the winding road.
After about ten minutes of driving they emerged suddenly at a spot where the road straightened and lay in deep shade provided by a thick glen of tall oak and pine that reached right to the edge of the road. All was silence here except for the purr of the motor and Clem guided the car into a little siding from which a path could be seen leading through the trees.
"Here we are," Clem said.
He got out and came around the car to open the door for her. When she put her hand in his she looked directly into his eyes and there was a moment when she felt as if she were stepping foolishly into a trap of her own making but which she was powerless to prevent. Her face passed very close to his and Amy could not but recall the tender sweetness of a kiss. But the moment slipped away and as she stepped into the shade of the trees the overwhelming freshness of the smell of pines filled her senses and Amy experienced a sense of expansion and well-being that had never been hers in the city. She felt full of the strength of life and a sense of freedom in her spirit that lifted her mood to gaiety.
Clem, carrying the lunch and a blanket, led the way through the trees. The path wound along inclining downhill slightly and suddenly around a bend a patch of clear bright blue water came into view. It was a breathtakingly beautiful sight; the water motionless and broken by the shadows of treetops along its sides, the sky bright blue above it, the trees green and almost motionless surrounding the pool. It was about forty yards across and twice that in length and at the spot where the path came out of the trees there was a smooth patch of emerald green grass that reached right down to the water's edge.
"Oh, it's lovely," Amy exclaimed.
She stood for a moment, poised on tiptoe, her eyes scanning the sight, her mouth parted and breaking into a wide smile. They were all alone at the pool, a fact which registered itself on Amy without any displeasure. When they stood silent there was no sound save a soft rustling of leaves and the occasional chit-tering of birds. The breeze that sifted through the trees into the clearing and over the mountain pool was very gentle and scarcely rippled the still surface of the water.
"I want to go right in," Amy said happily.
When she took her suit out of the little bag in which she had carried it, she turned to Clem and she felt suddenly very shy. He was watching her and she knew that the same thing was in both their minds.
"I wore my trunks under my pants," he said.
"Go into the trees," she said softly.
He looked at her for a long moment and Amy lowered her eyes, blushing. Then he walked away back up the path they had come. When she had waited for what she thought was long enough for him to be far enough up the path, Amy quickly slipped off her clothes.
She stood nude in the sunlight, her skin very white and smooth, enjoying the feeling of the soft June air on her and then she padded to the water's edge and looked down. Her body shimmered up at her from the pool and she stared at her reflection, pensive and caught by a mood that was new to her. She could not tear herself away from the edge of the pool until she thought of Clem waiting patiently in the woods. Then she quickly slipped on the suit and called to him.
It was a two-piece suit, black and unadorned, with a flimsy strapless bra that scarcely covered her breasts and snug trunks that molded the fine womanly shape of her hips. Her belly was white and smooth against the twin bands of black that set it off, and her thighs tapered softly down from the trunks which fitted tightly. She knew it did not cover much and when Clem returned she knew even more how daring it was by the way he stopped when he saw her, caught his breath and then just stared without speaking. She could read the hunger in his eyes and in the tight way he clamped his mouth shut. She felt wonderfully happy that he should want her so much.
"You didn't peek?" she teased.
That broke her spell and he smiled easily.
"I didn't have to," he replied, nodding toward her.
"Is it that bad?"
"Who said it was bad?" he grinned. "I think it's perfect."
"All right, now let's see what you look like."
He was more muscular and broader in the shoulders and chest than he appeared. There was very little hair on his chest and his hips tapered narrowly and for the first time since she knew him Amy thought of Clem as a big man. She guessed that his arms were very strong and when he moved them she could see the muscles stand out suddenly under the taut skin.
"You look handsome," she said softly.
Then she turned and raced for the water, ran in a few steps and dove under cleanly. It was cold, but not as cold as she had expected it to be and when she came up she swam a few strokes and then turned over on her back. Clem was just coming up from his dive and he swam quickly toward her. As he came up to her she turned and dove away from him, came up behind him and caught him by the shoulders and pushed down hard. He went under and when he came up spluttering she swam away laughing. He came alter her swiftly and she made a pretense of trying to evade him, really wanting him to catch her. He did and while she splashed around pretending to be fearful of a ducking he held her and then let go.
"I can't do it," he said with mock seriousness.
Her eyes glinted dangerously at this show of affection and for response she slid beside him and dragged him under. She swam away quickly, jumped out and ran up on the grass, standing in the sunlight with the water dripping down her flanks and forming a little pool at her feet. He followed her out and when he came up to her he reached out and she fell into his arms naturally. Her mouth opened, eager for his, wanting the fire that she knew would go racing through her blood at his touch. It was all that she expected and she was sorry it was over when he released her. When he made no move to kiss her again or do anything else she knew that what she had done the other time had cut deeper than he would show and that anything further that would happen between them would have to come from her. He would expose himself no further to the pain she could inflict.
She knew that his feeling for her must be very deep and strong if this was how he acted with her. This too moved her in two ways, exciting her with the normal instincts of her sex and burdening her with a sense of treachery that she could not like at this time. At this moment she hated Earl truthfully and intensely, though she knew at the time she was thinking it that this moment of hate would pass and that it would change nothing.
She kicked petulantly at the ground and ,looking up, saw that he was studying her. Irritated by her own dilemma she turned aside and took a few steps away from him, knowing that his eyes were on the soft switching of her hips and the gentle lurching of her breasts. She slipped off her bathing cap, threw it away from her and shook her hair out around her shoulders. He made a harsh noise in his throat and when she turned he was walking to the blanket they had spread, his face angry.
"I'm hungry," she said, eager to take the tension out of the situation. "Are you?"
He nodded bleakly. She came over quickly and, kneeling, she spread out the lunch. She was glad when the sight of the food did the trick and the anger melted out of his face. She had a pretty good idea of what he was going through and she felt sorry for him, but she was in a way just as sorry for herself. The thought that the day might have been a mistake crossed her mind but she pushed it away with impatience, knowing that she had wanted it as much as he and that she would not have had it otherwise.
"Mrs. Cartison made the lunch," she said. "She really surprised me."
"She does look mean," he agreed.
"She is. Mean and greedy. But I think she approves of you for me." He grinned boyisly at her.
"I approve also," he said. "What about you?" She could not maintain his light tone and she wagged her head slowly from side to side. "I don't know," she said after a while. He studied her for a moment. "I know," he said. "I-"
"Don't," she interrupted, her eyes widening. "Don't say it, Clem. Please, don't say it."
"I don't have to say it, Amy. You know it without my saying it. And I thought I knew about you and sometimes-moments like this, for example-I'm sure I know it about you."
"It's the other moments, though," she said with a sigh. Then she smiled brightly, his words somehow having lifted the heaviness from her, and said: "We've gotten awfully serious for a gay picnic, haven't we? The lunch is delicious. Don't I bring the best picnic lunches you ever tasted?"
His mouth was full at the moment and he pointed to his stuffed cheek, tried to say something and only managed a splutter, which brought a squeal of laughter from Amy. She got up and pushed her hands through his hair and then pushed him over backwards. She was possessed suddenly with an abundance of animal spirits and stuck out her tongue at him and waited for him to get up and chase her. When he did she dashed off squealing happily into the trees and dodged around until she collapsed, gasping and giggling on a mossy mound.
He stood over her and then, suddenly, when she looked up at him she knew she didn't care about anything. This would be right, altogether and perfectly right. There would be a happiness for her that she had never known and which she wanted with a terrible and hungry and overpowering wanting that brushed aside the flimsy pretenses she had been making to herself. She stopped giggling and, from her position on the ground, she reached up both her arms to him. He misinterpreted her gesture and tried to pull her to her feet, but instead of yielding to his light tug, she pulled hard and dragged him down to her.
Her mouth searched out his savagely and there on a damp green mound of soft moss in the cool shadows of the trees, Amy knew she wanted to feel the rough strengh of his hands on her, to feel herself crushed in his arms. She pulled him hard against her.
Clem clawed urgently at her bathing-suit, ripping away the flimsy bra to expose her breasts. He paused then, circling the firm white hillocks of flesh with his fingers. Then, beginning to pant harshly, he peeled down the tight trunks and she was totally nude.
"Let's go," he said over his shoulder.
"You like?" she asked.
"You're a marvel," he said, cupping the soft mounds of her bosom. She opened her arms to him and dragged him to her.
"Clem, Clem, oh, Clem," she moaned and she pressed her burning mouth against him again, pouring kisses on his lips and his neck, until there was a wild sweetness coursing through her that was more wonderful than anything had ever been.
She knew without thought but with a clarity that was almost incredible that it was the perfect Tightness. Then thought and everything else fled from her and there were only the two of them united in a rapture that moved them quickly and soaringly to a pinnacle of emotion.
She was not in a forest and not lying on the ground, but she was far away, surrounded by incredible sweetness and exquisite pleasure. Breathlessly she sought not to let the pleasure go, and she clung to him, prolonging every moment of ecstasy.
What came to her first was the smell of the pines. Her head was lying among soft brown needles and their odor was all around her. Then there was Clem and she pressed against him with a soft low moan, realizing only slowly that his arms were still around her, holding her tight. Her throat grew thick again with the knowledge of how wonderful it was to be held like that.
After a long while, she became conscious of her body and the earth under it. She stirred lazily and Clem moved. She looked down and saw herself, knowing now that she was really a woman and grateful to him that he had given her all that a woman could want from a man.
And so they spent the day, occasionally going in to swim, but hurrying back to one another's arms, both eager for the careless rapture they had discovered. She told him about herself, about her childhood and how she had been orphaned, but carefully doctoring the story to leave out Bull and Earl and utilizing her hold on him to conceal her reason for having come to Millersville. It did not occur to Clem to ask and he in turn told her about himself and his family and his hopes to be an engineer after his discharge from the Army.
When night came upon them they did not leave, but built a fire and clung to each other for warmth. Finally, in the light of the dying fire they dressed and walked, awkwardly embracing each other, back to the car. When they parted Clem said "Again tomorrow?" and Amy nodded and that was all.
It was not different yet it was not quite the same the following day. Everything was there as it was between them save the wonder of discovery that had added magic to the first day. At least to Amy the difference was apparent, seeming more like a rendezvous for an affair than the passionate onset of love that had occurred the day before. Not that the difference was a disappointment. Far from it. But there was a more settled air to their love this second day, which, in fact, was more suited to what she had in mind. She did not trouble to think about what Clem might have in mind, so pleased was she with her success in maneuvering things to suit her own desires.
The blow fell, however, in totally unexpected fashion. They were lying on their backs gazing up dreamily at the blue sky when Clem, raising himself on an elbow, asked:
"What are you going to do now, Amy?"
"Now?" She was scarcely paying attention to what she said. "I suppose the same as before."
He came erect and sat looking at her without speaking, his eyes troubled and unhappy.
"You mean the roadhouse?" His voice was little more than a whisper.
Blithely, Any nodded, not looking at him but gazing off into the sun-drenched panorama of trees. She was happy for the first time that she could remember since her parents were alive. There was no thought of the future disturbing her and she was lost in the present.
"No," Clem said with a harshness that snapped her head around sharply.
"No?" She did not get it at first. "No what?"
"I don't want you working in that roadhouse."
She stared at him, her eyes widening and then sat up abruptly, shifting around so that she faced him. It occurred to her that they were hardly dressed for a quarrel, he in his trunks and she in the flimsy suit that .was but a foil for her nakedness. And she had no intention of quarrelling, merely being taken aback by his apparent arrogance.
She moved her shoulders slightly in a gesture of indifference.
"I think that's something for me to decide, Clem," she said mildly.
"That's no place for you," he said with greater heat.
"You think I'll be spoiled there?" she asked, chucking-
"It's not funny," he insisted.
"I don't want to talk about it," she said.
He flushed, angered by her transparent refusal to accord him equal status in their relationship.
"But I do." His voice had lost its angry edge, but their was a quality of stubbornness in it that Amy could no longer ignore.
"Please, Clem," she said.
"How can a decent girl work in a place like that?"
He had stepped over the line and there was no going back now.
"It's rather late for you to be discovering that word," she said bitterly.
She got up and walked away from him. He rose and followed her, hotly persistent on what he wanted, not knowing her mood now and missing the cutting edge of her remark. But when he put his hands on her shoulders to turn her around to him she whirled out of his grasp with a speed and anger that stunned him.
"Decent." She spat out the word.
He saw what he had done, but he was in no mood foj retreat at this time, confident of his strength in a showdown.
"That's what I said and that's what I meant."
Her fury burst out now, spilling over him like hot lava.
"You weren't asking about good and bad yesterday or even this morning. You had other things on your mind then." She gestured down her body to emphasize her point. "Now that you've had what you wanted you think you have to dress it up and make it over to suit some ideas you have. Or is it that you're afraid I might go off with any soldier that wanders into the place? That's what you're thinking, isn't it?"
Her voice had grown shrill and when she flung the final accusation at him it was something between a shriek and a sob.
"That's not what I meant," he said weakly.
"Don't throw that word at me," she picked up: "You've got no rights over me."
He stepped toward her.
"Amy, I love you. I want to marry you."
She laughed bitterly.
"Am I supposed to dance with joy because you thought of the word? You're all alike. When you get in a little trouble you pull out that word and all of us girls are supposed to fall over in a faint or something. What makes you think I want to marry you? That's all I've got to do, hook myself onto a lieutenant who can't wait to throw my job up into my face. I suppose you're going to support me and do all the things I want on a lieutenant's pay? You never thought of marriage until this minute."
"But, Amy, I do want to marry you," he protested.
"Even if I'm not decent?" she taunted him.
"You are decent and I want to marry you," he said doggedly.
"Then what's my work got to do with it?" she challenged him.
"It's no work for a decent girl," he said flatly.
She stepped right close to him and looked angrily at him.
"It's my work," she said, dropping the words out slowly, like stones falling heavily to earth. "I want you to stop it." She laughed.
"I won't and that's all there is to it," she said, her anger dissipating.
He turned away from her and stalked over to where their things were and started picking them up.
"Let's go," he said over his shoulder.
She was surprised, but shrugged her shoulders. She would not be intimated by him and she was sure that she was not going to jump off the deep end because of a romantic weekend with a handsome boy. She went quietly to the car, not even dreaming of making a move to placate him. As Amy saw it, it was Clem who owed her an apology. They drove back in silence. When she got out of the car, he leaned over and stopped her.
"Amy, won't you change your mind?"
"No."
"Then I'll have to do something about it. Goodbye."
He made no attempt to set another date for them to meet and Amy felt that there was a finality about his goodbye that she did not like, but she did not find it too threatening. She was sure of her hold over him and did not think he would be able to hold out long against her.